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Substandard Equipment Corporation

A meeting place where national storefronts can tout their wares and discuss trade. [In character]
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Breotania
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Founded: Jun 03, 2009
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Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:07 am

Image

Being Breotania's premier private industrial corporation, SEC wishes to make its goods available to the international eye!

Is money pressing you? Quality getting you down? Need a lot of something quick? Let our children make it for you!




Military Equipment
So awful, not even our military uses them!

Image
SECG-25 Submachine Gun
This gun will only set you back $25.00. No standard cartridges fit this monster, and you'll be hard pressed to find a cartridge made for it that fits! This air cooled beast will jam with the slightest humidity in the air! Fool your friends! Laugh at your enemies as they pick up the failures that are your troops' rifles, and fail to fire a single shot as the barrel just falls off.

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SECG-49 Revolver
So cheap, it hurts! This $15.00 revolver accepts only a blend of .44 calibre minnie balls and gunpowder. Tired of having a revolver that turns to the next chamber for you? Turn it yourself!




Transport Equipment
Have your mechanics work twice as hard for equal problems!

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SECE-9432 Turbofan Engine
Guaranteed by government testing to almost always spontaneously explode mid flight, it's rated as one of the most fuel-efficient and green engines in all of Breotania! Only $500.00 for this monster and you can get rid of those pesky leftie politicians as they sit in transit!

Image
SECL-39427 Locomotive
Steam has never looked this attractive! For $800.00 this locomotive, built only 4 cm too wide to for standard tracks, makes the perfect April fools' day gift for the third world dictator. It can't pull as much as a diesel locomotive, nor is it as fast, but it can do it with style with its manual stoking action! Your engineers will never work this hard to get an external combustion engine working!

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SECV-1 Nuclear Powered Vehicle
New! From the makers of the wildly successful nuclear power plants all over Breotania, comes a vehicle that powers itself on the future for only $160.00! Requiring constant maintenence to prevent it from spontaneously melting down and causing a small nuclear incident in your garage, this car is perfect for the tinkerer inside all of us. Strong aluminum body design shields radiation so you don't have to.




General Products
We're so intense in our business negotiations that we cut the middle man in half!

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Rations-in-a-can
These rations last longer than their expiration date, they taste like rubber, but they'll get you through anything! Produced from native livestock entrails, a ration-in-a-can can feed most soldiers for a week for only $1.00
WARNING: May cause red tide poisoning

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SEC-47 Victory Cigarettes
Victory Cigarettes are the proud cigarettes of the Breotanian Army. Made with more tar than tobbacco leaves, they're highly addictive, radically cheap, and are so awesome they don't need to follow corporate tax laws! Have your troops smoke a pack full of Victory cancer sticks today! $.50 a pack




Custom Substandard Equipment
Need something, but it isn't listed in our catalog? Get a quote today! We will build it at half the price of our competitors!
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We will double our production speed just to get your custom order in!
Last edited by Breotania on Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:50 pm, edited 4 times in total.


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Kylarnatia
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Kylarnatia » Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:16 pm

Dear Breotania,

We would like to buy the single SECG-49 Revolver as a birthday gift for President Rokujo Miharu as it will be his 50th and he is a keen collecter of Revolver's. $15.00 has been sent with an extra $10.00 as a token of gratitude that you had them on sale because the President has been looking for the SECG-49 for years!

Sinsirly,
Malkovich Vincent
Weapons Trading Minister.
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Breotania
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:34 pm

Dear Mr. Malkovich

We thank you for your generosity and patronage! The gun will be sent as soon as possible (a few minutes), hot off the line by our premier workers. A box of minie balls for firing the gun will be sent free of charge with your purchase. Hopefully it is of the quality you seek.

Sincerely,

Bernard "Bernie" Sleezeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corp.


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Takaram
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Takaram » Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:47 pm

Best. Storefront. Ever.

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Breotania
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:39 pm

Now with logo action!


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Kylarnatia
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Kylarnatia » Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:06 am

Breotania wrote:Dear Mr. Malkovich

We thank you for your generosity and patronage! The gun will be sent as soon as possible (a few minutes), hot off the line by our premier workers. A box of minie balls for firing the gun will be sent free of charge with your purchase. Hopefully it is of the quality you seek.

Sincerely,

Bernard "Bernie" Sleezeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corp.


Dear Bernard "Bernie" Sleezeball,

The gun has arrived and is in perfect condition. We thank you for coporation and wish your corporation the best of luck.

P.S: I must correct you that I am a 'She' :roll:

Sinsirly,
Malkovich Vincent
Weapons Trading Minister
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Breotania
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:01 am

Kylarnatia wrote:
Breotania wrote:Dear Mr. Malkovich

We thank you for your generosity and patronage! The gun will be sent as soon as possible (a few minutes), hot off the line by our premier workers. A box of minie balls for firing the gun will be sent free of charge with your purchase. Hopefully it is of the quality you seek.

Sincerely,

Bernard "Bernie" Sleezeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corp.


Dear Bernard "Bernie" Sleezeball,

The gun has arrived and is in perfect condition. We thank you for coporation and wish your corporation the best of luck.

P.S: I must correct you that I am a 'She' :roll:

Sinsirly,
Malkovich Vincent
Weapons Trading Minister


Ms. Malkovich,

We sincerely apologise for our mistake! A wavier for one free product of your choice (even custom) can be sent in compensation.

Regaurds,

Bernard Sleezeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corporation


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Kylarnatia
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Kylarnatia » Sat Aug 22, 2009 11:27 am

Breotania wrote:
Ms. Malkovich,

We sincerely apologise for our mistake! A wavier for one free product of your choice (even custom) can be sent in compensation.

Regaurds,

Bernard Sleezeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corporation


Dear Bernard Sleezeball,

Thankyou for your offer but we must decline. Simply because we don't want to waste stock ;D

Sinsirly,
Malkovich Vincent
Weapons Trading Minister

----- I'll stop posting this dribble now ;)
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The Beatus
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Compulsory Consumerist State

Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby The Beatus » Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:07 pm

Official Message

We wish to commission your company to build us a nuclear powered airship, of the cheapest quality you can. It must carry at least 500 passengers, yet be small enough to land on a (American) Football field.
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Mokastana
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Mokastana » Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:29 pm

FROM: Antonio Montana
TO: Substandard Equipment Co.

I would like to purchase one SECL-39427 Locomotive as a gift for my cousin, she has been recently let out of prison for abusing presidential powers and I feel like I should start her off with a good Transport business. The money is already being wired to you.

Thank you
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Breotania
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:59 pm

The Beatus wrote:Official Message

We wish to commission your company to build us a nuclear powered airship, of the cheapest quality you can. It must carry at least 500 passengers, yet be small enough to land on a (American) Football field.


Beatus:

These schematics made by our core team of engineers should give you an idea of what we will make. It can carry 513 passengers comfortably, and 300 more if you use a broomstick! At 100 yards from tip to tip it barely fits but the referees you squash won't mind anyway!

Image

Powered by our turbofan engines specially modified for our patented Pripyat nuclear ship engine, this thing is a death trap filled with gallons of eco-friendly, highly flammable hydrogen! And it's yours for only $4000 per balloon.

Counting the money,

Bernie Sleazeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corporation

FROM: Antonio Montana
TO: Substandard Equipment Co.

I would like to purchase one SECL-39427 Locomotive as a gift for my cousin, she has been recently let out of prison for abusing presidential powers and I feel like I should start her off with a good Transport business. The money is already being wired to you.

Thank you


From: Bernard "Bernie" Sleazeball
To: Antonio Montana

Dear Antonio,

We will transport your locomotive as soon as possible! The manual is missing from our corporate databases, but it should be entirely self explantory to your engineers. Thank you for your patronage.

Sincerely

Bernie Sleazeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corp.


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Karagua
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Founded: Aug 22, 2009
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Karagua » Sat Aug 22, 2009 5:08 pm

Currently, the D.R. of Karagua has a "coffee for coffers" program going. This program ensures that free coffee (or the poor cousin of coffee, tea), cheap shelters and transport will be provided for Karagua's poorest.

Therefore, we wish to offer the SEC a commission. We require military strength teakettles, buses and also temporary housing in order to shelter our most unfortunate citizens.

We look forward to receiving your propositions

Karagua Department of Acquisitions.
Last edited by Karagua on Sat Aug 22, 2009 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Breotania
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:17 pm

Karagua wrote:Currently, the D.R. of Karagua has a "coffee for coffers" program going. This program ensures that free coffee (or the poor cousin of coffee, tea), cheap shelters and transport will be provided for Karagua's poorest.

Therefore, we wish to offer the SEC a commission. We require military strength teakettles, buses and also temporary housing in order to shelter our most unfortunate citizens.

We look forward to receiving your propositions

Karagua Department of Acquisitions.


To: Kagura Department of Acquisitions
From: Bernie Sleazeball

To the Department of Acquisitions

We will easily provide temporary prefabricated concrete housing capable of lasting 20 years. They are five levels and are quick to assemble. Comes with Ikea-style instruction manual!

Sincerely,

Bernard "Bernie" Sleazeball
CEO
Substandard Equipment Corp.


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Karagua
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Founded: Aug 22, 2009
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Karagua » Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:26 pm

Dear Mr Sleazeball,

We wish to order two hundred of your prefab buildings. We are also interested to know if you have any buses for sale? Preferably as cheap as possible. Will accept three wheeled models that run on sheep dung.

Yours faithfully,

Karagua DOA

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The House of Castile
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby The House of Castile » Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:32 pm

Castile would like 10 million packs of cigarettes for $5000000 USD, but we prefer gold so 5240.245 ounces http://coinmill.com/USD_XAU.html#USD=$5000000
Arsenal fan
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Ardchoille wrote:It's one of my grievances, too. Thank you for the opportunity to air it. Yes, indeed,
TAGGING IS SPAM.

Sdaeriji wrote:
Emothica wrote:Why it isn't Italy up there? Sure, the U.S. isn't up there but that's because they don't play very well. But Italy is one of the best teams in the running and they won last year. The only way that the U.S. has a chance is if David Beckham dumps England and joins the American team.

There's like 8 things wrong with this post.

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Breotania
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Sun Aug 23, 2009 4:52 pm

Karagua wrote:Dear Mr Sleazeball,

We wish to order two hundred of your prefab buildings. We are also interested to know if you have any buses for sale? Preferably as cheap as possible. Will accept three wheeled models that run on sheep dung.

Yours faithfully,

Karagua DOA


Excellent, the prefabricated blocks will be sent by boat as soon as possible. Like legos, they can make numerous building designs. Also like legos, their roofs are not necessarily waterpoof. Best for botanists that like noisy neighbours!

Buses are available for only $800. They work on heat-based sterling engines powered by the internal cabin temperature. Carry 75 passengers. Entirely environmentally friendly. Excellent for winter. Also available with an articulated form for $850.

Sincerely,

Bernie Sleazeball

Castile would like 10 million packs of cigarettes for $5000000 USD, but we prefer gold so 5240.245 ounces


Our Latin American tobbacco slaves will be happy to make all of them! Crates of Victory Cigarettes will be packed and flew out as soon as possible. We appreciate the use of gold, which will be promptly melted down and sold as low quality teeth for awful rap artists.

Sincerely

Berni Sleazeball


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The House of Castile
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Founded: Aug 02, 2009
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby The House of Castile » Mon Aug 24, 2009 6:36 pm

The gold is on a ship heading for your port of choice, awaiting delivery. And my gold is high quality.
Last edited by The House of Castile on Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Arsenal fan
Real Madrid fan
Juventus fan
Ardchoille wrote:It's one of my grievances, too. Thank you for the opportunity to air it. Yes, indeed,
TAGGING IS SPAM.

Sdaeriji wrote:
Emothica wrote:Why it isn't Italy up there? Sure, the U.S. isn't up there but that's because they don't play very well. But Italy is one of the best teams in the running and they won last year. The only way that the U.S. has a chance is if David Beckham dumps England and joins the American team.

There's like 8 things wrong with this post.

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Breotania
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Founded: Jun 03, 2009
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Re: Substandard Equipment Corporation

Postby Breotania » Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:38 pm

The House of Castile wrote:The gold is on a ship heading for your port of choice, awaiting delivery. And my gold is high quality.

OOC: As jewlery gold is an excellent and a quality material. As teeth, pure gold, being a very malleble metal, is an awful choice and would probably flatten after a good month or two of eating. This is what I mean by "low quality": in respect to dental replacements.

IC:
Thank you. Any open port in the main harbor of Holmgarov will work.


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Voliota
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Founded: Dec 24, 2009
Ex-Nation

custom purchase

Postby Voliota » Fri Dec 25, 2009 3:56 am

I would like a large airship with a hanger, crew quarters (bathrooms barracks mess hall), engine room, and cockpit prefferably nuclear powered and with defense and attack weapons
http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/6615/sealiz.gif department of defense
http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/1882/sealaf.gif department of labor (slavery)
i'll do more later

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Lamoni
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Postby Lamoni » Fri Dec 25, 2009 2:04 pm

OOC: Best. Storefront. EVAR.
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