Galactic Empire HoloNet News [FT | IC Closed]

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

This is Stacy Warner, for Caprica City News Network. The only name in news from the United Colonies that doesn’t employ cannibalistic news anchors and reporters.

“Our top story, Empress Eclipse of Huntaria met with President Henderson today on Caprica City. It was a historic day, as it was the Empresses first visit back to her home colony, since she had become the Empress of Huntaria.”

“The Empress came with her two children, a twelve year old girl by the name of Ada, whom Dornie intelligence often incorrectly cites as dating a dark elf from Mythrindar, as well as being in her mid twenties, and her younger sister Eve, who has become the “Princess Diana” of Huntaria. The Empress Consort, Cassandra Nord was absent from this meeting, but sent a letter saying, “I got better things to do then frak around on that shit hole of a planet.”

“During the summit, between our leaders, the economy was touched on, and in order to further economic relations in the galaxy, and far more importantly within the galactic empire, a treaty was signed, forming a joint currency between Colonials-Dornies with Huntaria. The summit approved the new currency which will be Coredians.”

“As of tomorrow, in Huntaria, you can exchange your old credits, for a Coredian, with a trade scale of one credit, to one Coredian. Across the united Colonies, the same will be issued as you can exchange 1 cubit for one coredian.”

“The Dornie representative was not present in the vote by the Quorum today, citing the fact that she is too busy playing cannibalistic cowboy with our former ex-president, and putting the safety and security of the Colonies in danger, all for a since of perverse hollywoodism mental illnesses.”

Stacy smiles into the camera, “At least now we know what the former first lady of the Colonies is actually worth. One Hundred Cubit, now on the international market, as she is also technically a Colonial-Dorie/Coredian citizen. Guess Mac can trade her in for two cartons of cigarettes now, or a one year subscription to FuzzybangsCassandra.com. It's a good deal, if ever I heard of one.”

Up next, “What will you do with your new Coredians? A poll coming out.”

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

Greetings to all of you from Caprica City, this is Stacy Warner for Caprica City News Network, the most fair and balanced news network in the Fourteen Colonies of Kobol.

Revolt on Mars

Earlier today, the revolt at the People’s Acolyte temple on Mars today was crushed by Dornie Vanguard, Colonial Marshals, and the SWAT and Riot teams on Tovarichiigrad. The strike came swiftly, as they barged into the proceedings.

In classic Dornie fashion the bad guy, as official Dornie sources call Mr. Lawence Parseegian, with a quick flash bang grenade and a teleporter.

Intelligence sources say they traced the transporter signal to an air pad outside of the city, but when police showed up, the shuttle was gone. We have some footage of the daring battle between the battle between the attempted coup and People’s Acolyte Forces.

Let’s roll the footage.

Stacy shook her head, as the live footage concluded. “Only in Dornalia.”

---

Investigation is on going...

Officials today at the Tovarichiigrad Police department today refused to comment on how so many armed security personal could have gotten into the proceedings endangering the lives of our former president as well as the Representative of Earth SSR, in the Quorum. The police commissioner today released this official statement.

“We got this shit, we don’t need you Capricans second guessing our ways.”

Stacy shook her head, “And these strong words, coming from the agency that dropped the ball in the first place. Priceless.”

---

Economic Trade Summit Clears Impasse.

“Today major progress was made at the continuing joint Economic Treaty between the Colonies of Kobol, and the Huntarian Empire. The impasse began, as the new international currency was under review. The Huntarian Empress Eclipse, pushed for a resolution which would claim that the Chiss were worth one tenth of a Coredian, a fair valued estimate in the Huntarian economy.

Capricans however disagreed, as they hold the Thrashian Empire in much higher esteem and demanded that the Chiss should be worth at least two times a Coredian. Today a compromise was reached as part of the “Xeno labor contract exchange” allowing the value of the Chiss to be worth one fourth of a Coredian.

In exchange for lowering the value of the Chiss, the Huntarian Empire has agreed to begin a joint fighter project, which will bring millions of cubits and Coredians into our nation. Early engineers have decided that this will be the design of the new joint fighter however as it is not under construction yet, at Scorpia ship yards, it is still subject to change.

Under the "Labor Trade" treaty, all Coredians and Chiss must enter into contracted service at their planet of origin, volentarily, which the home system of origin of all employees shall supervise according to their laws.

The Employees shall be treated well, with a ban on psychological, physical and sexual abuse, by the local laws of the place of new residents of the "Employees". These contracts shall not default to any children, and the employees must be fed and well maintained until the end of their negotiated contract which they will receive a lump sum of the total they are worth, by the Huntarian-Caprican scale.
---

Stacy turns and looks into the Camera once more. “Now many of you have been wondering, exactly how much the new “Labor exchange” is going to cost and if it’s good for you. According to the new labor treaty, which is part of the Economic summit, here is the total value of the Coredians.

Coredian = 1 cubit/Credit
Robotic Coredian (Illegal in the UCK) = 2 Cubits/Credits
Virgin Coredians = 5 cubits/Credits
Cloned Coredians = 10 cubits / credits
Successful Coredian (very rare)= 50 cubits/Credits
Successful Coredian with Colonial or Huntarian Citzenship via marriage = 100 cubits/Credits
Coredian who has given birth to a Huntarian or Human (By UCK Law) = 500 Cubits/Credits
Ninja Coredians = .0083 cents.

And remember all values of Chiss, are twenty five percent of the listed price for Coredians.

---

Annexation of Lao-mans

Today, after all of the evidence has been gathered, the Quorum today has voted on a resolution annexing the tribe of Bob Carthridge into the United Colonies of Kobol, as it’s own independent Auspice within the UCK.

A spokesperson for the Quorum today said, “it has become evident that the tribe that is ruled by Bob Carthridge, is of Kobolist descent. Although they were never a colony of Kobol, the fact that they do share some of our blood, means that we can not turn our backs on our lost cousins.”

“It is the duty of the Colonies of Kobol, to protect all of humanity, those who were descended from the planet Kobol, no matter how they have evolved.”

The bill is to be sent to the president of the Colonies today, who is expected to sign.

Coming up next, Should we sell the Coredian and Chiss "Trade Labor" routes to the Abh? Your opinions at the top of the hour.

[LaoMonians]

Tracy Juggs hits the screen sproting a new blue blazer that shows off her ample endowments. "Greetings Universe. Today we are broadcasting from our new studio, where thanks to some recent allocations of funds we have been able to send this transmission to you in 3-D, and let me tell you that you are definately in for a treat today."

The camera zooms in to get the top of Tracy's face and maximize her clevage that she has showing with the new screen lens. "Now without further ado.. her he is the reason for 3-D. The next best thing to hanging off of his bulging biceps and drinking in his scent of death and dismemberment. Our own...Admiral Carthridge."

Camera pans across the stage to Admiral Carthridge, with one leg propped up on an old rum barrel. "Thank you Tracy, today we would like to welcome our cousins from Kobol and the other true twelve colonies to be welcomed to our new tourist locations. Here we offer realistic muggings, gang wars that happen at a minimum of four times a day; though they are at random to always keep you guessing. We also offer a great weight loss center, where meals are air-dropped once a day at a random geo-coordinate. Then you can see our "Greatest Race" contestents not only race against eachother for prizes but also for food. So come to Lao'Mon, where the festivities and the Carnage are always possible so long as you have rounds and money."

The camera pans to Tracy Juggs, still amplifying her clevage through the 3-D lens. "That's right Admiral. In fact thanks to the last air drop I got this sporty new jacket. As a victory prize I also got the blood stain of someone stupidly trying for food while I had a loaded M249." *Tracy chuckles to herself.* "Oh, noobs...you've gotta love them. Just because they can mow people down on a video game, they think they can take down a female weilding 24.7 lbs of pure metal tossing fun. " Tracy then composes herself, no longer looking off screen as she was remembering her joyful vaction at Bob-Land. "Get your tickets today to Bob-Land today. Where you enter as a family, but you leave as a combat fighting system."

[New Dornalia]

*Opening music, as Myrna is given the goahead. She suddenly switches to a Generic News American English, with hints of Southern twang, as Louise winces.*

"Hello, I'm Myrna Lee Maitwell, from HoloNet News's Los Angeles Bureau with our Dispatches From Earth. Here are the stories, from this fabled little planet."

BREAKING NEWS

"We've just gotten word in that in the wake of the attempted coup-de-etat on Grand Sensei Henrietta Collins, which was recently suppressed, the Governor of Earth has declared a state of civil emergency in the wake of unsubstantiated reports of clashes between various Acolyte Temples. We here at HoloNet News Los Angeles cannot confirm these reports.

However, let me repeat. The Governor of Earth has declared a state of civil emergency.

We take you live to the Governor's Mansion, where she has issued a statement.

*cuts to Governor Kotobuki. OOC NOTE: Some of Kotobuki's speech from Ronald Reagan's speech concerning his tactics in suppressing the People's Park protests in Berkeley, 1968-9. This proclamation is also to address why I'm not involved IC wise in Sins of our Sisters, due to OG's suggestion on that account.*

Citizens of Earth.

As you may have heard, not but several hours ago, a coup-de-etat was attempted upon the Grand Sensei of the People's Acolytes. This is an action which has dangerous consequences and invites further disorders. This is especially true when, as I have heard them, further reports of duels between Acolytes has occurred.

I believe that where any group's rights are being imposed upon, or any individual's rights, by any others, it is the obligation of government to protect those constitutional rights at the point of bayonet if necessary.

Effective immediately, I am invoking my executive authority and declaring state of civil emergency over all Counties within the Earth State Special Representative. For the duration of the state of emergency, we ask that all persons stay in their homes and observe a voluntary 11:30-6:00 am curfew until the emergency has passed.

We recognize this will be a problem for many. However, the rising tide of civil disorder makes this a necessity.

I am activating the Citizens Forces to enforce this curfew and any and all measures needed to restore law and order. I am also additionally in the process of contacting the Admiral of the Fleet and the Quorum through the office of the Representative from Earth to coordinate peacekeeping efforts and, if needed, to obtain use of military forces under the jurisdiction of the Joint Reaction Command and Control Center.

Additionally, we ask that any and all residents of Earth SSR currently holding expatriate status in other countries report home for duty.

To those from the angered camp who wish to contest our decisions, please do so through legal channels.

Sincerely,

Susan Hayha Kotobuki
Governor
Earth State Special Representative

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

(OOC: Although De Bruyn is ND’s character, this post is given by his request, to further his war. Everything in this post, is part of the plan of ND’s civil war, so don’t send me angry IM’s about this. It's part of the script.)

Earth’s Religious Crusade

“Hi, this is Stacy Warner, for Caprica City News Network. Last weeks insurrection against the newly crowned People’s Acolyte Henny, has erupted into full scale riots across the Dornalia Sectors in the United Colonies of Kobol.”

“President Henderson has called an emergency session of the Quorum, along with Admiral of the Fleet Admiral De Bruyn of Earth SSR, to discuss what the option that the Colonies should take in this time of crisis.”

The Camera pans out to the Quorum doors, with a multitude of reporters flashing cameras at the door. “We are currently awaiting a response to the Dornie insurrection upon their own lands, started by two religious rivals in the PA, a man who goes by the name Mahdi, Sensi Parseegian, who has sworn to take his war to Los Angeles, to the very gates of Caprica City for force users to dominate our nation, and Sensei Collins who was legally elected and wishes for force users to live in peace with the rest of the people.”

Suddenly the doors to the Quorum open wide, as an older man pushes them open. The man, wore a black Colonial uniform, with the pips of the Admiral of the Fleet. “Ladies and Gentlemen, it looks like we are about to be addressed by the Admiral of the Fleet De Bruyn himself. As many of our international viewers may not know, the President is not the commander and chief of the colonial armed forces, instead that role as well as all military decisions come from the Admiral of the Fleet, who is appointed by recommendation from Picon Command by the Quorum, to serve until the end of his natural life.”

Not Afraid

The Admiral stood up to the podium, and looked out to the crowd. He had no speech prepared, no teleprompters telling him what to say. He just looked around at the horde of reporters flashing thousands of cameras in his direction.

Following him, was a Dornalia elf, his personal assistant Lydia, and a Colonial Admiral, who was in her mid forties, and who’s tattoos gave her origin as obviously Tauron.

The Admiral stared at the Camera. “As of 1432 Caprica Standard time, the riot we experienced last week on Mars has spread into a full insurrection, against the people of Dornalia, and the Colonies at large. The Death count is currently in the millions and will rise if we do not do something about this.”

“This rebellion, started by a man who goes by the title of Madhi, threatens every single one of us. He wishes to put every Dornie, Caprica, Tauron, Virgonese, as well as every other colony and territory under the tyranny of the force.”

He stared hard into the camera. “And as long as I draw breath, I will be damned if that will happen. I was appointed to this position by the late and honorable Admiral Helena Cain, to maintain the peace of the Colonies, as from all enemies foreign and domestic, and I will do my duty."

“By the power of my office of Admiral of the Fleet, I am officially labeling the Madhist followers enemy of the State. Any man or woman, Dornalia or Colonial who offers any of them comfort, or sanctuary, is guilty of treason against the United Colonies of Kobol, and will be treated accordingly. For those of you who don’t know what that means let me spell it out for you clearly. You will be treated no differently than if you were harboring or collaborating a cylon.”

“I am deeply ashamed of my home people, allowing their religions to cause such riots across our nation. I thought we were better than that, I thought we were Dornies. All of the insurrectionist are doing is proving our critics correct. I thought we were out of the 13th century.”

He paused for a moment, trying to contain his anger. Picking up a glass of water he took a sip.

“The Quorum and I, along with our president, have met a few moments ago. Many of the delegates are concerned that this insurrection will become a full blown civil war between our fourteen colonies. A civil war would weaken our nation, destroy our way of life, and leave our people open to enemy invasion. This is something I will not allow.”

“By the precedent of previous Admiral of the Fleet, and with the approval of the Quorum of Fourteen and the President of the United Colonies of Kobol, I am hereby dissolving the Dornalia government, and placing them under martial law, until this crisis is over. To prevent this from becoming a all out civil war, and having the Madhist supporters claim this is a Colonial dictate, I am resigning my commission immediately.”

Reporters started screaming questions, but he held his hand up and in a commanding voice said, “No questions. I have talked this through, and I wish to present to you, your new Admiral of the Fleet, Tamara Adama, of Tauron.”

A woman in her mid forties took the podium. “Thank you Admiral.” She said. “I like my now predecessor am not only deeply ashamed of the actions of those rebellious elements in the thirteenth colony, but am resolved to stop this insurrection from becoming a full blown civil war. As your new Admiral of the Fleet, I am placing Admiral De Bruyn, as the Supreme Commander of Dornalia, and he will directly over see, speak for the Dornalia people, and his edicts shall be law for his people until such time as this war is over.”

“With the concerns of the Quorum, the people of the Colonies, and with the recommendation of Picon HQ, and the Admiral of the Fleet, I am giving Admiral De Bruyn full command of the Dornalia red fleet. Admiral De Bruyn is authorized to use any and all options and resources available to him to quell this rebellion.”

“To prevent the Madhist attempting to spread their insurrection to other colonies, I am also here by transferring all Dornalia soldiers in the Colonies to the Red Fleet Detachment, and recalling the Picon Detachment over Earth. All Colonial Soldiers serving in the red fleet will be transferred back to Caprica. The Assault Stars, Battlestars, and Colonia class ships, as well as all Colonial Defense assets in Dornalia shall be immediately transferred back to the Colonies. Colonial guns shall not fall on our brothers and citizens, and this shall stay a Dornalia issue, until Admiral De Bruyn can bring peace and order back to our brothers.”

“Although this will remain a Dornalia issue, our resolve is with the new Supreme Commander of Dornalia, Admiral De Bruyn. Caprica pledges to support and finance the red fleet, as well as give him full authorization to end this insurrection as quickly as possible.”

“As the final part of our conference today, I am ordering the Colonial Fleet to begin a blockade of all Dornalia space. Any ships from foreign nations attempting to get involved in this internal dispute shall be shot down without warning. By special concession, only the Abh will be allowed to have trade ships move in and out of Dornalia space. Any non red fleet ships, colonial, or Abh trade ships attempting to enter or leave Dornalia space shall be considered hostile, until this crisis is adverted.”

“Thank you and have a good day.”

Stacy looked at the camera stunned. “You heard it here first, frak is that even legal or constitutional?”

[New Dornalia]

OOC: Just a heads up--the Mahdi is obviously a nutjob. Apologies to the Shogun 2: Total War trailer for his "Now is the time for Total War" quote.

IC:



*Opening music, as Myrna is given the goahead. She suddenly switches to a Generic News American English, with hints of Southern twang.*

"Hello, I'm Myrna Lee Maitwell, from HoloNet News's Los Angeles Bureau with our Dispatches From Earth. Here are the--

*transmission cuts out, as a man looking like Ricardo Montalban and sounding like him speaks.

He's sitting on a chair, smiling, with a flag in the background. He reaches out to the audience, drinking a glass of wine. He begins with a soft, pleasant tone.*

"Hello, comrades.

I am the man whom the press calls Parseegian. Such a name however, is unbefitting of my true nature.

Rather, you may call me, the Mahdi. Messiah. Savior.

As you all know, a group of terrorists struck at the Inauguration in the Grand National Temple. Or so the media would have you believe.

In reality, those men were not terrorists, but men of courage, conviction, and personal integrity. When confronted with the choice to enter into profligacy and collaborate in the destruction and castration of their order, they refused, and instead joined the ranks of those who decided to look within their hearts, and proclaim to the masses, 'We can do better!'."

*Parseegian leans in, and speaks with conviction, his tone hardening.*

"How do I know this? I led them. I led them all on that mission."

*Parseegian then continues, his voice filling with conviction--the kind normally suited for action heroes and "good guys."*

"What some would call a coup-de-etat, I call the first baby steps to freedom. Yes, we did not kill Henrietta Collins. Yes, Belial was not smote this day by the Sons of Light.

But in some ways, perhaps that was not necessary. For I find this is not the end, but the beginning, my comrades. The beginning of something...greater. After all, the liars and cheats in the Caprican media speak of casualties, and the nonsensical puppets in Los Angeles speak of casualties--all due to clashes between those who have cast off their chains, and those who find comfort in slow strangulation.

*Transitions to a voice filled with a perverse pride*

To answer the obvious question--yes. I did order them to rise up. I didn't make all the necessary calls, but enough were motivated by me and my subordinates, and others were likewise motivated to see the light. To those properly motivated, I say continue. Strike while the iron is hot, and smash the enemies of freedom with all your might.

*Mahdi's voice rises, growing with fury. He uses a pointer finger, Osama-style, to emphasize his points.*

To those who have not been motivated. Rise up and strike down the enemy. There is no comfort for you now in sleeping in bed with the enemy. You know that the fact De Bruyn, a known Profligate, is in command now. He will no doubt accomplish the murder so desired by those lazy slug-a-beds in Caprica, cowards who won't shoot themselves and use warm Dornalian-Colonial bodies to do their wars for them. What will further collaboration do but ensure your death in a concentration camp or forced castration? Continuing to practice as a debating society with powers and not as the special persons you are will do nothing to help.

But as Shakespeare once said, as was once quoted by General Chang--"Tickle us, do we not laugh, prickle us, do we not bleed--wrong us, do we not avenge?"

This, you can do, while the iron is hot!

*Mahdi stands up. He then calms down, and smiles. Clenching his left hand into a fist, he pumps his hand as he starts quiet, but gets loud again. His tone is that of a Southern Baptist/Black Baptist preacher--optimistic, but full of fury.*

"Show the Profligates what they have to be afraid of. Show the Profligates why they should never have invented the Force Vaccine and the Supernatural Inhibitor. Show the Profligates why they must respect us, instead of laughing at us. We have a universe to win, brothers and sisters! We must fight for freedom--and we can only get our freedom if we take their capitals, and force them to respect us!

The time for peaceful coexistence is over--there was never any hope for peaceful coexistence between the Profligates and ourselves. Their conduct in the wake of our strike has made it evident. Put down your law books. Pick up your guns and sabers. Now is the time for Total War!

And to De Bruyn, Collins and the Profligates--I have but one message. An old message, one which this current generation of Profligates has forgotten."

*Smiles and looks into the camera, with a shiteating grin daring the enemy to come and get him.*

"Come at me, bro."

*signal cuts out, comes back online. Myrna is freaked out.*

"Um...right. Anyway...on to the news."

BREAKING NEWS

We now go live to the Grand National Temple where the Grand Sensei, Henrietta Collins, has come to speak.

*cuts to Henrietta, live in front of the Temple. This time, she is surrounded by several Vanguard squads, as well as snipers and machine guns and an entire company of armored vans. Henrietta has clearly seen the Mahdi's video, and she is determined to reply. With a stern dignity and her own determination not to be fazed, she appears as strong as ever, wearing the Dress Uniform from the Inauguration.*

"Gentlemen, ladies--

As you all know, we have been attacked by terrorists. Individuals whom we trusted as brothers and sisters turned on us while the Acolytes' faithful gathered to inaugurate a new leader, to lead the PA into the future.

They killed many innocent men, women and children, both PA and civilian. They assaulted law enforcement.

And, they revealed their intentions to begin no less than a war of retribution against those whom they see as oppressing them. They intend to execute a campaign of vengance, promising to march on Caprica and Los Angeles.

And they accuse me of collaboration.

To my people, I now say this as a sane human being and as Grand Sensei.

There are those who see me as collaborator. Thug. Simpering appeaser for the imperfect being that is the Colonial government, bowing at their feet and asking for handouts, meowing for their amusement.

However, I want you all to know, that I am none of these things.

*Henrietta's voice changes. It now takes on a sympathetic tone, though still strong. She leans into her microphone, gesturing to the audience as a whole.*

I understand the anger all of us feel. The Mahdi, Mr. Lawrence Parseegian, is true in his emotions. Many of us feel confused, worried about what has happened to our People's Acolytes. Some feel we do not do enough. Some feel we do too much. We are a faction which has, in its quest to represent the Empowereds of the UCK, has reached a crossroads.

I for one, am someone who feels that we must work for our rights. For years, I worked with the LAPD and others in my neighborhood to ensure that Empowereds had their say, and that they were not discriminated against. Leading a company of 100 Empowereds, I won the respect of my peers, showing that we could do what others could do, and keep their trust.

I understand that "there is little hope for us until we become toughminded enough to break loose from the shackles of prejudice, half-truths, and downright ignorance." Martin Luther King himself said that.

He also said, however, that, "we must not stop with the cultivation of a tough mind. The gospel also demands a tender heart. ... What is more tragic than to see a person who has risen to the disciplined heights of toughmindedness but has at the same time sunk to the passionless depths of hardheartedness?"

And that is a sentiment I believe in. Yes, we do have fears, anger, and grievances. However, I do not feel that we should confront these things with the program the Mahdi insists upon. The Mahdi would have you conflate resistance and protest, using the definitions of Ulrike Meinhof--that to protest is to ensure the thing which bothers you doesn't hurt you anymore."

*Henrietta stops for a moment, and then speaks, with a strength that, unlike Lawrence's, comes from not anger, but from experience in managing men and women. No purple prose or firebrand preaching here--just say what you gotta say, and make it hit home, and hit hard!*

That is a big mistake. That is what he wants.

Stop for a moment and realize where that leads. Today, it's Los Angeles, he says. Tomorrow, the world, he says. So then what?

I'll tell you then what.

You will have violated the Acolytes Code and Oath. To protect the people from threats, and to prevent from sliding into excess with your powers. These are the tenets enshrined in the code. The Code you Swore to Uphold. The Code You Swore to Live By!

The Mahdi would preach resistance, but where does his resistance lead? Delusion and self-contradiction. He violates the code and pees on it in the name of protecting the Acolytes and the Empowered. Nevermind that millions will die because of him--the Code mandates it, he says, and those who think it does will make it so.

And where will that lead?

War. The very race war he wants to enact. For a man who wants to ensure Empowereds get a fair shake, who wants to ensure they are not hurt anymore, he seems to be hell bent on enacting a race war. He's done that already, it seems.

And if you follow him, De Bruyn and his men down in Caprica City will not think twice about obliging him. Don't believe me? I just got off the phone with him. He's declaring martial law over Earth SSR, and calling out the militia. Hell, he's even sidelined Governor Kotobuki. He's got the Mahdi square in his sights.

In this hour of crisis, I wish to show that Empowereds and normals can still talk and work together. We don't need wars, or even talk of Profligates. We need to stand united, and stop this madman from enacting his plans!

So, where does this leave you?

Well, simple. Don't be stupid. Don't join the Mahdi. Instead, join me, and work towards a better, peaceful struggle against injustice. I don't promise a kumbaya campfire singalong, but I do promise a much better world than the apartheid-cum-world-of hurt that the Mahdi will bring.

Thank you all."

*The crowd cheers.*

[New Dornalia]

*cuts to Myrna with a shotgun on her lap. She's loading it with rounds from a box reading "Uncle Jimbo's Piranha Shot." Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG.*

*Opening music, as Myrna is given the goahead. She suddenly switches to a Generic News American English, with hints of Southern twang.*

"Hello, I'm Myrna Lee Maitwell, from HoloNet News's Los Angeles Bureau with our Dispatches From Earth. Here are the stories, from this fabled little planet."

BREAKING NEWS

"In what is the the worst campaign of urban terrorism since the War on the Ouendan years ago, Earth SSR is now officially ablaze in mutiny and revolt. What I can say in short is what we have been saying for the past few broadcasts. There is sporadic street fighting. It's getting more intense by the minute, however. Our various news branches are coming in with news ever so slowly, owing to the fast moving nature of events. Indeed, what we do know the quickest occurs outside our own window--"

*Myrna ducks as sniper's bullet flies past and hits an intern in the head. Myrna wipes herself off and continues.*

"--as you have just seen. We do however, get reports from other locations."

*Tamping down her papers, she smiles and reads the news.*

"Outside our own window, sporadic street fighting intensifies, as rebel Acolytes attempt to amass a force capable of storming the Greater Temple of Los Angeles, and replicating the success they have reportedly have attained in Alvaria, Nova LOuisiana. That is, Mahdist forces have, in what can only be described as a blood bath, stormed the Grand Shinmei Temple. Reports are the Loyalists are not likely to hold out there much longer, if they're even still holding out. Among the dead reportedly is Grigori Batov, head of the Shinmei School--however, said death has not been confirmed.

Additionally, there are reports coming out from Albertson's Mission on the distant Kroot Special Zone that half of the Kroot Nations walked out of a conference held by the Mahdi in an attempt to recruit them for his revolt. Unknown how that will turn out, but it is said Shaper Grath is preparing to offer his services to the Mahdi nonetheless, whereas Shaper Khor is prepared to either remain neutral or join the Loyalists.

And--wait, we've gotten reports from the Japanese Home Islands. Louise?"

*Myrna gulps nervously as she implements the split-screen view that puts her in contact with Louise, who's in the bombed out husk of a bar. Louise has her Bowie knife in her mouth, pilfering the corpse of a Mahdist Acolyte. Said corpse has a lasgun--which she takes along with said Acolyte's magazine holders--as well as telltale stab and bite marks. The blood on her mouth leaves no doubt as to who did it. Myrna sighs as Louise acts like nothing happened, wiping her blade with a cocktail napkin fished from the bar itself.*

"Myrna. it's a bloodbath here. Acolyte factions here, motivated by what appears to be anger towards the Colonial Government and political disputes over the succession to the head of the Tokyo Metropolitan Temple, and the Mahdi's call for war, have aligned themselves into the Ikko-Ikki Faction--an aggressive force--"

*two Mahdists in white robes charge at Louise.*

"Excuse me."

*Louise leaps over the bar, kicks a table at the Mahdists, who sweep it aside. As she does this, she loads a fresh mag, activates the rifle, and then sprays them both with lead, aiming for the crotch and cackling evilly. She then charges the two, kicking them with a round house into one another, and then, with a feral battlecry, uses her teeth and a wooden table leg to finish them off in a gory fashion. Myrna gasps in horror, as Louise shrugs it off, changing into a fresh change of clothes from behind the bar as she continues reporting.*

"As I were saying, the Ikko-Ikki Faction is an aggressive force, countered only by the Shinsengumi--the "New Model Army," made of Acolytes loyal to the government. Admiral De Bruyn is sending forces to suppress the revolt and restore order--as he is doing in all parts of the UCK. Whether or not this will happen quick enough, is to be seen."

*Myrna just stares at Louise. She is speechless. Louise looks with a frown at the screen.*

"What?"

*Myrna then says, trying to shake herself out of her torpor*

"We'll be back after these messages."

*cuts to a woman baking cookies. Her son filches cookies from the jar. she turns, but before she can catch him, he runs. Sighing, she turns to the screen with a frown as a VO begins.*

"Tired of losing those cookies from a jar?"

*cuts to a man walking in a dark alley at night. A man sneaks up from behind him. Before he can react, the man sneaking grabs the walker in a chokehold, and takes thirty bucks out of his wallet. Sighing, he turns to the screen, shrugging.*

"Tired of not being able to watch your back?"

*cuts to the woman from the Love Tap commercial. She sleeps soundly. Her adversary, the dog who won't shut up, begins to bark. She puts her pillow around her head, and frowns in anger.*

"Tired of that damn dog?"

*All three nod.*

"Then we have the solution for you!"

*cuts to A Smiling Bald Man, rotating.*

"New, from HT Industries--the Sensatron 2000 Cranial Sensor. It's Eyes In the Back of Your Head! That's right--it's an aphorism come true!"

*cuts to a bunch of men in lab coats, as they operate on said Smiling Bald Man, pointing to the back of his head, which has cameras in it.*

"The secret lies in the proprietary Cranial Sensor tech derived from Morningstar technologies which enables the user to literally see three hundred and sixty degrees in all directions--even in the back of your head! Simply surgically install the Sensatron into your brain, and watch your life grow easier!"

*cuts back to the woman backing. The boy tries to snatch the cookies. Cuts to the woman's POV, which now turns to face the jar, though she's working the stove. The woman shouts.*

"BILLY!"

*The boy stops, and smiles sheepishly. Cut to a medium shot of the woman, smiling as she gives a thumbs up.*

"Thanks, Sensatron! Now my fat son can stop being so...fat."

*cuts to the Walking Man. He walks in the alley, whistling. From his POV, we see behind him, thanks to the Sensatron, and then we see the mugger, skulking about. The Man whips out a .38 Special revolver, and shoots the mugger. He too gives a thumbs up to the Screen.*

"About time! Where the fuck were you, Sensatron!?"

*cuts to the woman from the Love Tap Commercial. She gets up, and walks around outside in a bathrobe. From a first person POV, we see her use the Sensatron to spot the dog from an oblique angle behind her, in a bush. He's visibly annoyed by the short chain. The woman walks up to the dog, lengthens the chain, and then pets the dog as they smile. The owner comes out angrily, whereupon she roundhouse kicks him after noticing him coming from behind.*

"Thanks to Sensatron, I not only made that dog shut up, but did so without risking another visit from the cops! Well, maybe not for the dog. But still! I didn't hurt the dog!"

*cuts to a title card*

"Order now for just six easy payments of $19.95! That's right! Just six easy payments of 19.95! Sensatron 2000--Eyes in the Back of Your Head--FOR REAL!"

[New Dornalia]

*cuts to Myrna with two M16s bolted together on her lap. She's loading it with rounds from a box reading "Explosive Cartridges." Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG.*

*Opening music, as Myrna is given the goahead. She suddenly switches to a Generic News American English, with hints of Southern twang.*

"Hello, I'm Myrna Lee Maitwell, from HoloNet News's Los Angeles Bureau with our Dispatches From Earth. Here are the stories, from this fabled little planet."

Breaking News

We bring you live footage from Nova Louisiana, where it is confirmed that yes, the rebels have seized the Nova Louisiana Temple. We've been given a statement by the former Temple Custodian, who defected to the rebel side. Due to a gag order by De Bruyn, we've been asked not to show too much of it, but we can quote you this following excerpt.

*cuts to an image of a young woman in a PA uniform. She wears the robes of the Shinmei head--with the blood on them, it's obvious how she got them.*

"--and now, we come to our main point. I, Kim Seohyun, am now the Master of the Shinmei School. This fact will not change for the foreseeable future. I do not take pleasure in this, but our coup to displace Batov was necessary to halt further deaths and to save the unity of our people. Effective immediately, I urge all Shinmei to continue to obey orders coming out from Alvaria, and not Mars. We are your sole spiritual authority, no other. I hope that we can indeed, fight for a better world. Thank you."

*cuts back to Myrna*

"Joining us today is Robert Ellison MacIntyre, ex-President of the UCK, ex-Comrade Premier. Mr. MacIntyre?"

*Mac turns around, nods. He has two bodyguards next to him, and Mac himself is open-carrying a giant S&W500 revolver.*

"Thanks, Myrna."

"Mr. MacIntyre, what do you think of this tape and this loss?"

"I won't lie to you. The Nova Louisiana Temple was a big thing for the PA to lose. I've been there myself with Terry Tadanobu, the old Grand Sensei--it is huge. It has a library on par with the Grand National Temple. It has the third largest personnel count besides the Greater LA Temple and the Grand National. The fact it's lost is a huge coup for the Mahdists, and something that Henrietta Collins has to recover from, pronto. I'm confident she can do that, by the way, I've got a good feeling about her."

"Really, well--"

*transmission cuts out. Batov appears, staring angrily at the screen. He frowns a death glare, usually only seen on Woodians, tax auditors, Nazi interrogators and parties to a divorce. He is not happy. He begins with speaking in a tranquil fury, a cutting whisper reminiscent of Gary Oldman performing a thick Russian accent, mixed with some of the hamminess of Charlton Heston.*

Comrades of the Shinmei School.

You have heard from the woman who was once the Temple Custodian. She has declared herself the head of the Shinmei School. Claiming that I was killed betraying you all, she has set herself on the path of sullying my legacy, corrupting our school, and turning our honored ways and means to the service of a usurper.

What she has not realized--or chosen to perhaps ignore--is that those same ways and means which she intends to corrupt were created with a purpose. To aid the innocent, to defend law and order, to protect all men, all of our brothers and sisters, from evil. It is using the most arcane of these methods I allowed myself to continue to use these powers for this mission. Namely, I transferred my Force Ghost, my conciousness, my very stamp on the Divine Essence into another individual. He gave his corporeal form willingly, and was near death. Such was his loyalty, he offered his whole being to allow me to continue my reign.

It is that mechanism that allows me to speak to you today. I do not look like the man I once was--gone are the wrinkles and baldness and salted beard of old age, in is a full head of hair, scars and a young Japanese man's countenance. If one were to take a DNA test, it would not confirm I was Grigori Batov, the one who led you to glory. But it is I truly, all my brothers and sisters--especially you, Brother Chin. You have no doubt heard about my death. Supposed death anyway. Fear no more, for I have returned.

*Voice begins getting angrier.*

Now, to those who would...usurp my people...decieve them...LIE to them...turn them into SLAVES for a lying group of scum and filth...

I would like to tell them this.

*Batov Gets Up. He continues to look at the screen, and speaks angrily, his voice gradually rising with hot blood and passion.*

Enjoy your sordid kingdom while it lasts. Enjoy your...PRETENTIONS...of godhood while you still can.

For while you playact at being gods, I myself have cheated death, and live on in another form to fight again!

I live once more, to avenge those whom you've betrayed!

Once more, to right the wrongs committed upon the Shinmei School!

And once more, finally, to ensure you come to justice!

For I am no longer merely Grigori Illyanovich Batov! MASTER OF THE SHINMEI SCHOOL! I AM THE BRINGER! OF! YOUR! DESTRUCTION!

I AM YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE MADE MANIFEST! WHERE YOU ARE, I SHALL BE! WHERE YOU KILL, I SHALL KILL YOU! YOUR EVIL HAS CLAIMED THE LIVES OF MANY GOOD MEN! AND IT IS TIME FOR KARMA TO DELIVER ITS JUDGMENT UPON THE WICKED SINS YOU HAVE COMMITTED!!!!!!!!

I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

*Batov angrily, in the heat of the moment, slams his fist into the table. It cracks in half in a white flash as the camera shakes, and then the screen cuts out. Cut to the studio a moment later.

The studio is in ruins.

Such is Batov's fury that his Hot Blooded Rage has been projected through the TV into the HoloNet News LA Studio. A residual Earthquake is occurring, knocking over shelves of papers and causing lights to fall down. Papers are strewn about. The news desk is cracked in half. Fire alarms are going off and the sprinklers are misting the room, as a large fire breaks out in the back, dangerously close to an ammo cache. Jock and Jane, mortal enemies, now work to put out the fire.

Myrna is dumbfounded. In a land that expects ham and weird shit to happen, that truly has taken the cake. Mac is the first to speak.*

"Well. Shit."

*Myrna smiles and shuffles papers, as Mac gets up to work a fire hose.*

"You can see more of Mr. MacIntyre tonight on the Mac Attack, eight Pacific, 11 Eastern. We'll be right back."

[New Dornalia]

*cuts to Myrna with two M16s bolted together on her lap. She's loading it with rounds from a box reading "Explosive Cartridges." Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG. Mac himself is in the background prepping for his nighttime show.*

*Opening music, as Myrna is given the goahead. She suddenly switches to a Generic News American English, with hints of Southern twang.*

"Hello, I'm Myrna Lee Maitwell, and I'm reporting live from HoloNet News's Los Angeles Bureau with our Dispatches From Earth. Here are the stories, from this fabled little planet."

Battlefield Updates

*Myrna goes first*

"Supreme Commander De Bruyn today has confirmed that the ongoing offensive to restore order to Greater Earth has produced significant results today, especially in Luxembourgia County, which reported the successful restoration of domestic tranquility following significant interventions by regular military and People's Acolyte forces in several major hive cities.

Additionally, PA elements as well as regular civil and military forces, according to the Office of the Supreme Commander, have reported the successful containment of violence in other areas, especially in those areas which voted for Grand Sensei Collins. However, the Office of the Supreme Commander warns all residents of Earth SSR and its territories that there is a risk of civil disorder, even in pacified areas, and that significant resistance still remains on Earth, as well as New Chicago County, New Monterrey County, and Nova LOuisiana County and New Hokkaido County.

All travelers on Earth, New Chicago County, New Monterrey County, and Nova Louisiana County and New Hokkaido County are advised to exercise extreme caution, and in fact limit their travel in said areas due to the civil disorder.

In related news, the Officer of the Supreme Commander has effectively taken over all remaining NOOSE elements, signing an order which would deputize all NOOSE agents under his command for the duration of the fighting. Analysts indicate that given the reports of reprisal attacks on NOOSE infrastructure in the aforementioned stricken areas, as well as other major population areas, as well as its low popularity amongst Dornalians, it is likely the organization may not survive this move. Additionally, the Cooperative Union, based on Hajarra in New Monterrey County, is cooperating with the Supreme Commander to ensure domestic safety, and has announced restricted travel to and from Earth SSR and its territories and Cooperative Union support for the Loyalists.

*Myrna pauses*

"Wait. We just got word. Apparently, Louise Cheung, whom we lost contact with a day or two ago after her story, has just been discovered in Akihabara. For those of you just joining us, Louise Cheung was reported missing after she broke contact with us, and made the subject of a military operation to rescue her after she was determined to be behind enemy lines, along with the provision of relief to an entire Shinsengumi PA unit. Said operation is ongoing, but Louise herself is safe--repeat, Louise is safe. We go live to her now. Louise?"

*cuts to Louise, who is in her camo jacket, buttoned tightly to cover up. She has a new pair of glasses, and is visibly embarassed. She has her trademark bowie in her belt, and a Sam Browne belt she took from the bad guys she's using to hold her Hi-Power. The jacket is obviously a little tight on her, and hugs her curves rather closely--embarassingly even. She's riding in an APC with Fuzzy, Chris and the other Hellfish. Fuzzy does not look happy to be in the same APC as her, despite her new suit of armor.*

"Myrna, the situation here is intense. I have just been rescued by the men of the 156th Marine Division--the Flying Hellfish--two of whom included the famous Christopher Markham and Antonia Fuzzy Markham, normally of the Rangers. That's right, these fine men and women have lent their skills to the cause of freedom here today and likely for the rest of the conflict."

*points mike at Fuzzy*

"So, Antonia, tell me how you managed to break through to the school."

*Fuzzy looks at her, and then at the camera, with a raised eyebrow that begs the question, "Are you seriously trying to chat me up?"*

"Well, Miss Cheung, it was a textbook streetfighting operation. I think Lt. Simpson would be better at explaining it than me, unless you want the audience to know--"

"Okay, moving on."

*Louise points her mike at Asa Simpson, who goes*

"Same thing, textbook streetfighting op. We cleared out plenty of buildings, and then came under an ambush by at least a company of Ikko-Ikki soldiers--they're Mahdists, so I'll just use that word for your audience. The Mahdists shot me up, but we called in some flyboys to take out the bad guys. Then, we pushed on to the park, where we got rushed by more Mahdists, and then we defeated them to push onto the school, to chase after three Mahdist PA men. Those boys tried to bayonet us, but they learned that you never bayonet rush a Miradeth veteran! I got too much experience fightin' those Witches to be sliced up like that! Why one time--"

*camera refocuses on Louise, who is eager to escape the beginning of a rambling story.*

"Well, there you have it. I'm alive, and will be reporting on ops within my bounds. Also, it's good to be back!"

*Myrna nods, and then finishes*

"Thank you, Louise. Let's hope you don't engage beast mode on us anymore."

*Myrna turns to the screen*

"Coming up--how to prepare a five star meal when the rioters come to your door. Chef Paul Jimmie shows you how."

*cuts to a woman stumbling through the jungle. She cuts her way through a thicket of vines, fights a kryat dragon after ingesting a giant can of Quick Revive, and then kung fu fights an entire tribe of Amazons, before finally cutting the head off of a Nazi. Then, she finds a golden idol, made of Nazi Gold and emanating some sort of aura, and picks it up.*

"YES!! I've found it!"

*She examines her surroundings, and tosses the idol into a pile of muck. She walks to a pedestal with a pile of bacon on it. Grabbing it, she bites into a slice and smiles.*

"Mmmm....."

*Voice over*

"Some things are worth fighting for."

*Looking up, she notices a ninja gang leap out of the jungle canopy and move on her to take the bacon. She smiles and pulls out her own katana, to take them all on. With a kiai, she charges them all as the screen cuts to the bacon, as a fight breaks out in the background.*

"Carlton's Candied Bacon Strips is one of them. Made of the finest pork and all natural brown sugar."

*one of the Ninjas appears next to the bacon pedestal. He speaks, being dragged off in mid sentence.*

"Now in Candied Turkey Bacooooonnnn!"

*The Woman then appears off to the side with a smile, snatching a yellow strip of bacon*

"And Curry Candied Bacon too!"

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

http://www.youtube.com/user/nkta1#p/a/u/1/gIommMmmxko

“Hello, this is Stacy Warner, from Caprica City News Network, the most accurate news in the United Colonies.” Stacy said, as the small circles under her eyes, protruded slightly even under the cover of her make up.

“We have a lot of news for you today, so let us begin.” she said in a snippy voice towards the viewers.

“At the top of the hour, a sting operation at Hypathia, Tauron today was reported to be a great success, as the operation killed over twenty members of the terrorist organization known as the People’s Acolytes. According to sources, on our sister station in Hypathia, The People’s Acolytes were fed information from the Tauronese government of a secret warehouse where Cylons from the first Cylon war were held in storage.”

“The Terrorist force users, came in, and killed four guards, before breaking into the secure warehouse, where they attempted to activate the cylons from the first Cylon war. The Taurons though, use Cylon exoskeletons filled with plastic explosives, which ignited after one of the cylons were turned on.”

“According to Hypathia News, the shock wave rattled the windows in the city, twenty miles away, and the smoke plum could be seen from the City itself. The Tauron minister of defense has dispatched marines to the location, and has vowed that if any of the terrorist have survived they will be shot on sight.”

“The video, is up on our holoband site, in it’s entirety, however we warn you, it is not for the feint of heart.”

Stacy reached down and took a sip of a green liquid, and sighed, as she bit back the burn.

“In further news today, The Imperial Admiral of the Humankind Abh Empire, has met with the president of the Colonies, Admiral of the Fleet, partnered with Richard Rahl of D’hara and the Rangers. Although the purpose of this closed door meeting is classified sources inside the Quorum have stated, that it has something to do with the ongoing fratricide in Dornalia.”

Stacy tried to smile as the news that she continued to read grew darker.

“This just in.” she continued, “The Ta’Nar vessel, the Abomination, has appeared in orbit of Caprica, containing a key VIP member, Lord Atrox, of the New Sith Order. Lord Atrox, in an opening statement, offered his services in hunting down the last of the rogue force users who wish to end the peace and security of the Twelve Colonies, and bring them to justice.” She smiled as best she could, “We at Caprica City News Network, wish the Sith Lord an expedient hunt, and thank him for his valor in protecting the Colonies from the depraved People’s Acolytes, and their plots against the good people of the Colonies.”

She gently shuffled some papers in her hand.

“Recent protests have erupted in Prommos Canceron, and Delphi Caprica, as word from the Dornie News Network have shown that Supreme Commander DeBruyn has violated his mandate from the Quorum, and instead of using his assets to put down the strife in Dornalia, has openly sided with the Sith known as Henny Collins, and used his assets to further her mission of oppression of the people of Dornalia.”

Stacy looked strangely as someone off camera began talking to her. She sighed, “I am sorry for that last statement, neither this network, nor myself wish to claim Henrietta Collins as a Sith. Our producers feel that it may put our ally in the Galactic Empire, the New Sith Order in a bad light, by falsely classifying the Enemy of the State Henny Collins, as a member of the Sith. I hope that Lord Atrox, Lady Twilight, and Empress Eclipse of the Huntarian Empire accept my apology.”

She smiled into the camera once more, “Continuing the story now.” she said as she took another sip of the ambrosia, “The Quorum is debating on this most recent move, as military analyst believe that Enemy of the State Collins, with her desire to rule over all, have manipulated DeBruyn into siding with her, to rule over Dornalia, and eventually the united Colonies of Kobol.”

“The Quorum is currently in deliberation, in a open door session, and strict measures are being discussed from increasing the blockade of Dornalia, and possibly stopping all trade with the thirteenth colony until the matter of violence and unrest is over, and Henny Collins and Pargansee are both executed for their crimes against humanity.”

Stacy puts her hand to the her ear piece. “This just in, The Quorum has surprisingly reached it’s verdict.’ she looks puzzled at the camera, “I can’t believe they came to a consensus in less than nine hours.” SHaking her head, she smiled back into the Camera, “According to a statement given by the Quorum, All funding from the UCK to the Red Fleet, has been terminated as of this moment. The Colonies will not continue to support DeBruyn who has failed in his mission objective of putting down this rebellion, which his mandate didn’t include, supporting one side or the other. The Quorum promises to resume funding, with back pay to the Dornalians serving on the Red Fleet once they have killed both Sensi Collins and the man known as Madhi."

"The Quorum has also issued a bounty on the head of Sensei Collins, and the self proclaimed Madhi, for Thirty million cubits or credits. As per the trade agreement with the Huntarians, if any Huntarian Bounty hunters collect on this bounty, the Quorum also offers that bounty hunter thirty million worth of Coredian contracted laborers.”

Taking another shot, she looked down at her papers in disbelief once more. “Sweet Aphrodite, there’s actually good news in here.” she said stunned. “In Entertainment News, the All Kython network, K-TV is reporting in it’s first twenty four hour broadcast, extremely high ratings. K-TV includes newly hit shows, like, Cooking with Kythons, which contestants from around the Galactic Empire and allied nations alike compete to see who is the best chef, which is judged by a panel of two kythons. The other hit show, Kythons say the Darnest things, has reported a rating of 21.8, the highest in daytime television to date.”

“Thank you all, and I hope to have good news for you, in our next broadcast. This is Stacy Warner, for Caprica City News, saying goodnight, and where ever you are, may the lords smile upon you.”

(OOC: Not the best news post I've done, but hey, I had a lot to cover and we can't always strike gold)

[New Dornalia]

OOC: Just to warn you all right now...this post features a lot more swearing than usual. If anyone's offended by that, they may wanna turn away now. Also, credit, blame, and apologies must go to Dr. Dre's "The Chronic," Epic Meal Time, Portal 2 and The Lonely Island for the use of various lines and the ad at the end, which is admittedly a parody of EMT's style of...cooking.

IC:



*cuts to Myrna with two M16s bolted together on a nearby table. She's firing down below at a crowd of rioters, shouting 'Git some! Git some!' Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG. Mac himself is in the foreground prepping for his nighttime show.*

*Opening music, as Mac is given the goahead.*

"Alright, fellow citizens....I think you know what time it is. It's time for....The Mac Attack!"

*images fly by of Mac playing Xbox, boxing, moving boxes and kicking a box pile turned into a practice dummy. It's all accompanied by The Lonely Island, and followed up with a voice over going "Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Dornalian way"*

"Tonight, we have some disturbing news from Caprica City. Grand Sensei Henrietta Collins of the People's Acolytes and Larry Parseegian, the terrorist rat-bastard who's been ripping apart our United Colonies with his e-peen measuring contest, have been put on the official Colonial Hit List by the Quorum. Additionally, that august body has decided to cut De Bruyn off. Like a mom who wants her son to move out and stop masturbating to videos of Fuzzy, they've cut him off because he's not doing his job. Supposedly."

*cuts to footage of Stacy giving her reports. Mac smirks.*

"Additionally, nation, Supreme Commander De Bruyn, in typical fashion, has responded thusly."

*cuts to De Bruyn who is calm and surprisingly charitable*

"That's fine if they cut me off. I appreciate they have concerns about my job performance, but I will let them know I've worked on less and will suppress the revolt regardless. When one of them flies an Atlas Cheetah held together by macrame and rivets and old mismatched engine parts, I will complain. I know someone I worked for once will do so."

*cuts back to Mac*

"Word on the street says, nation, that already, he has announced that all resources vital to the maintenance of Law and Order are to be placed under the command of the Supreme Commander's Office of Planning and Logistics. He has scheduled a meeting with representatives of the Big Three Megacorporations tomorrow to seek their support in this endeavor.

But enough boring shit. I know why you've turned in. It's time for my take on this. It's time for..."

*images flash by, with the words "On the Offensive" resulting*

"On the Offensive."

*shuffles papers.*

"Nation, you know me. I've had my share of issues with the Quorum. We've clashed on a lot of things with the budget and the governance of this nation. And you know my opinion of them. But nation, I have never had grounds to really express my outrage at them in public until today. Because in all of my life, I have never seen such an immature, petty, vindictive use of government resources like I have today. Those sons-of-bitches and bitches at the Quorum could be bad before, but today showed that if you don't hew to the party line, ladies, you'll be spanked. Because as far as they're concerned, De Bruyn and the forces under JRCCC command are like the Asian kid that got the B+ instead of the A+. Sorry chum. We sent you in to do good, and you did good but not good enough. So you'll get a spanking.

*facepalms*

You know what? This decision is so fucking illogical, I'll just put on music for the next five minutes while I try to not throw up and maybe help defend the station against assholes who think it's funny to riot and burn shit. I need the space....and I need the vent.

*Mac walks off, and then sure enough, Mac puts on Dr. Dre's "Fuck With Dre Day." He picks up a Winchester Model 70 and begins shouting at protestors below to stay away from the station. The song ends and then Mac walks back to his seat like nothing happened.*

"Oh, and as always, you're free to write in and submit your opinions on this, as the story develops. There is a silver lining to all of this, however. De Bruyn is now finally getting incentive to act like a real general, instead of a quartermaster who just issues orders. No disrespect to him, but those people in New Chicago County aren't waiting forever.

Also, Henny Collins, if you're out there and marked for Death....hang tough there, kiddo. You're too pretty to have a pretty lady open casket funeral just yet, and you have too many people out there who need you. Remember that even though we got plenty of haters, you got plenty of people showin' you love. I know you're from Long Beach, I am too--Compton and Long Beach are together in this motherfucker, and sometimes, no matter what people say, you have to keep putting that rap down, putting that mack down, and if Larry's fucktards get out of line, put the fuckin' smack down!"

*Mac leans in angrily*

"And Larry Parseegian, if you're out there, suck my fat Scotch-Irish cock! I hope someone gets that bounty on your head, you stupid fuck! You fucked it all to hell!

I put in years of fucking hard work, gave up my fucking one bottle a day habit of whisky, and also spent hours shouting so much I had to get a fucking throat operation to fix my cords! And you fucked it all up! Fuck you Larry! And fuck you and your little fucking Crusade you little motherfucking motherfucker! Henny and us were going to make peace between PA and Colonial alike, and we were getting along! We were making sweet societal love without any of that nasty STD shit or anything else! AND YOU--YOUUUUUUU!!!!!---fucked it all up!

*plays a clip from the Mahdi, who says 'What will further collaboration do but ensure your death in a concentration camp or forced castration? Continuing to practice as a debating society with powers and not as the special persons you are will do nothing to help.'

Mac then replies, tossing a paperweight at the screen.*

"IT WOULD HAVE AVOIDED ALL OF THIS HORSESHIT YOU DUMB SUMBITCH!"

*The producer then shows up from the side, and then Mac turns to him.*

"My bad, I'm just pissed off at some dick who fucked over two terms of awesome! Well, don't tell me to fucking shut up, you fucknut! Sorry, sorry. Shouldn't have done that. Yes, I'll have some gin and tonic."

*Mac gets a drink and then gulps it.*

"Feels damn good. Coming up, what people need to do to improve their golf swing...and get Explosion Day passed as a legit holiday."

*Cuts to a commercial. Vicky appears, surrounded by cans of Four Loko. She holds another Four Loko, and looks at the screen. She is drunk, and looks like she hasn't gotten any sleep.*

“What you know about ships? Battlestars? Buncha shemales pretending to be battleships. ISDs? Flying fucking pizza wedges looking to get eaten. Galaxy class? More like daycare class. White Base? Who the fuck names a ship WHITE BASE!?”

*Holds up a model of a Defiant class ship, and makes airplane noises as she moves it about before giggling. She then stops and then glares at the screen.*

“Defiant's where its at. But...is it the best ship Starfleet canon had to offer? Or is it an overrated little bitch?”

*Throws the Defiant model at the screen, cracking it slightly.*

“I think I got your fuckin' answer, bitches!”

*Drinks from the Four Loko, and then continues to talk.*

“I got me and the boys together, and we damned the Defiant!”

*Cuts to a rapidly moving sequence of shipbuilding and machining sequences to the tune of ominous, dramatic music. First, includes the hull.*

“We gots to go big. So we replaced the ablative armor with patented Dornalian shield steel. For all you motherfuckers out there, that's electro-reactive plating which generates a defensive field when its powered. That's smart.

We're using the Tennenbaum Industries DX-1 Armor. What's in it? We can't *vulturecry* tell you!

Then, we throw out the standard shielding.

*Cuts to an image of Vicky pulling out a Molotov Cocktail.*

“hey. Starfleet. Think you bad?”

*Throws molotov at a disassembled Starfleet Shield generator.*

“FUCK YO' LITTLE BRAIN!”

*Cuts back to the shipyards installing a large unit that's glowing pink-purple. Vicky stands next to the men and points to the device.*

“Hater, while you were in your little nerd con, we were busy fingerf*cking time itself! Stop hatin'!”

*cuts to another scene of the engineers installing the unit.*

“Next level defensive maneuver. Temporal Shielding Mark III uses multiple layers of energy and time to fingerf*ck physics and reality by bending time around our ship, turning that hater laser fire and ballistics and gauss shit into nothing special. What you know about that, Starfleet?”

*cuts to another scene of Engineering. Engineers are tending to a complex device—clearly derived from a Colonial Jump Drive.*

“Ah what up, Jump Drive!? Mitsubishi Heavy Industries KX-23 Propulsion Suite 'cause we street! It's like a Colonial jump drive, capable of instant jumping, a singularity reactor for maximum power output and a thruster suite so this shit can move all in one. Oh, and we put on some Mitsu Heavy Industries Gravitic Thrusters as well in case you wanna move this party wagon in atmosphere, bitches.”

*cuts to weapons being loaded. Rail shells, replicating torpedo launchers, etc. The men work furiously, and flip off the cameras.*

“Railguns. Because we can always use more replicating railguns, and we got rid of that Feddie baby-bun-warp-core warpshit so we can bring the pain. Oh, and we brought in replicating torpedo launchers, capable of bringing the pain in many different flavors, and two Combined Cumulative Cutting Lasers in the rear for maximum destruction.”

*Vicky comes back on screen, pointing at the screen.*

“BEAST MODE ENGAGED.”

*Quick cut to a pair of lengthened Raptors in the docking bay.*

“Oh, and we didn't forget. This ship's got enough room to store several squads of marines, and several Raptors in its guts, and it has a site-to-site transporter. Fuckin' smart.”

*Quick cut to the bridge and crew quarters.*

“Last but not least, the bridge. For all you haters, that's the CIC. It's where we get shit done. It's got a captain's chair, so you can look pimp, a comms station so you can chat up your anytime minutes, an ops station, and a tactical station. All it needs is bacon.”

*Quick cut to Vicky, who then proceeds to put a tray of candied bacon inside the CIC, and eats it.*

“Just solved that problem.”

*cuts to an image of the upgraded Defiant. It's a lot beefier, and a lot angrier.*

"The Guardian Class, from Mitsubishi Heavy Industries and Powerthirst Arms and motherfuckin' Tennenbaum Labs! Guardian of liberty, justice, and freedom. 150m long, 90.3m in beam and 25.5m wide, and also available with additional cloaking device, all for a cool USD$15,470,325?! Hater, you can't stop this shit!"

[Telros]

After watching their normal programming, people suddenly had the station change to reveal a red flag with a black eagle with wings spread, surrounded by four white stars. Historians and old comrades would quickly recognize it to be the flag of the old Telrosian Dominion, Tribal Union, and other such quick governments that rose and fell during its turbulent history before it vanished from the galactic stage.

The flag, which filled the screen, pulled back to reveal a rather young man dress in traditional attire and look rather regal. He had a stern face, with bright blue eyes, long white hair, and sharp features. He stood at a wooden podium in a large room, filled with reporters, with the backdrop of the flag against black curtains. He began to speak once he received noticed that he was live.

"Members of the Galactic Empire, former allies and comrades, and the Milky Way Galaxy, I, Kaiser William Kennen, have come here today for several reasons. I have come to announce the revival of the Telrosian state, I have come to announce our intent to rejoin the Galactic Empire, I have come to declare a public announcement in regards to conflict in this galaxy, and to finally speak on the civil war currently ravaging the United Colonies of Kobol.

The Telrosian state has seen much better years in ages past. We rose up from our struggle with the pirates and their alien overlords who sought to wipe us out in their effort to expand. We survived and took the stars, eager to find a new territory of hope and promise.

We found no such thing.

Instead we found a galaxy of death and disease, conflict and war, oppression and torture, all thinly held together by the power of oppressive states, terrible cosmic evils and a few nations who barely managed to hold onto their morals, their principles, and their survival by the most meager of threads. We persevered, however, come to join the Galactic Empire, joining the LA Pact and forging pacts of friendship and protection with the UCK, Mythrandir, the Thrashian Empire, the Ta'Nar, the Huntaerian Empire, and more. However, the hand we were dealt revealed its hidden card; we were ravaged by civil war, brought on by alien manipulations that brought us into a conflict between the An'Kazar, and the Shirassi. Then, under the Holy Empire, we fought to aid the Xiscapian Empire and the AXIS Coalition it was part to defeat the Danaversians, who are one of the most visible symptoms of this diseased galaxy we inhabit. For our part, we gave up much to aid them, and in turn, were ravaged by the counterattack they unleashed upon us.

Our society fell, broke apart, disintegrated as hope left us, many went insane with despair and grief, as everything we had built during our time in the stars, all that we had saved from the civil war, was now obliterated. We would have remained a broken people, if not for the Elders of the Five Tribes, who rallied us and formed the Tribal Union, restoring the fractured whole. However, as some of you remember, we were not entirely ourselves and went on an attacking rampaging, frustrated and angry, lashing out against anyone who was nearby. We caused many deaths during that time, and for that we are truly sorry.

We remained for a time, but it was decided that we no longer had the will to pursue galactic politics, when it had brought us so much ill fortune. So we dissolved the Union and each tribe went its own way. This has changed as of two years ago, where I gathered the clans and argued that we had a duty to perform, to try and make this galaxy a better place. Every day, our news feeds are filled with reports of war and mass murder, cosmic horrors tearing across the galaxy, raping and destroying at will, and of the 'democratic' and 'good' powers of the galaxy either silent or at each others throats for imagined slights and ideological differences.

We declared that this will no longer be so and have reformed into the Telrosian Empire, to see this galaxy become a better place for our children to live; to smile, instead of run in fear of a terrible enemy, to laugh, instead of cry over the bodies of their loved ones, to hope, instead of despair in an seemingly uncaring galaxy.

Now, to my second point, the Galactic Empire. We worked alongside our fellow Lords long ago, to take the tainted and broken name of the Galactic Empire, thought to be marked forever by the history of the Ragers that once plagued our two galaxies, and to make it into a beacon of hope and strength, stability and renewal. And that is just what we did, we rebuilt the Unknown Regions, we strengthened ourselves and forged bonds of fellowship. And even with our withdrawal long ago, they have continued to do that. If they would have us, Telros seeks to rejoin their ranks to see this good work continue. There are few organizations like it left in this galaxy and we shall do what we can to ensure it remains, no matter what.

If we are denied, we understand and will accept such a decision. In that case, we would still like to offer a hand of open relations with the nations of the GE and work together with them in our goal of making the galaxy a better place.

Thirdly, our declaration: We reformed, at my urging, because for too long, the self-proclaimed stewards of the galaxy ignored all the threats to galactic peace, hope, and well-being in favor of personal vendetta's, power, and old hatreds. Nations that conduct genetic cleansing programs, wiping out humanoid species for daring to have animal-like features, for having different beliefs, or for simply existing. Rapes and genocides are conducted every day, on millions of worlds, and not an eye is batted nor are any cares given. If it doesn't register on the galactic radar, no one cares. No matter how much you scream,cry, and fight to make yourself heard, you are ignored in favor of adding another star system to a nations collection of trinkets, of someone humbling a rival, or of two people's arguing over something so simple as the meaning of freedom.

We have grown tired of this, having seen the galaxy worsen since our self-imposed exile, and have proclaimed that no more shall we allow this to come to pass. We have allowed others to try their wars of peace and diplomacy, of measured talk, and reason. Those have failed, and have been allowed to remain tactics for too long. We have already annihilated a threat in the Gamma Quadrant, a rampaging A.I. sect, of not great account in the galaxies eyes I'm sure, rampaging and destroying worlds in such a calculated matter that no calls for help are sent and no one looks into their disappearances. The Empire, and the Talythian Kingdom, both saw this threat and worked together to extinguish it. Wiped from the face of the galaxy, they shall trouble us no more. Their victims, avenged at last.

However, these are not the only threat to those too small or weak to fight off such threats. Thus, we have come to a decision on the establishment of a doctrine on such matters. If you murder peoples, conduct genetic cleansing programs, rape and pillage, oppress and crush freedoms, spreading vast plagues and viruses, corrupt people against their will, and any other vast impurities against your fellow sentient, know that we are watching.

We will allow you your chances at survival; we will arrive and inform you of your transgressions and we will ask that you halt them. Those responsible will be removed and executed, and you will aid those who you have wronged as best you can. You will be allowed to return to your affairs and be left in peace. If you have done these because of some threat or lack of resources, we shall aid you in removal of such obstacles to gaining prosperity.

Our patience, however, is not infinite. If you brush off our warnings, betray us, or prove to continue to break agreements you have made with us, we will be forced to determine that you are an unrepentant threat to the galaxy and continued allowance of your existence would lead to further lives being lost. We shall rescue those who can be saved, willing to abandon the cause or flee your destructive hands, and then we shall purge you. No trace of you shall be left, no remnant of your evil or your horror, the galaxy shall be cleansed of you.

We have tried to use medicine, in the form of the word and the friendly talk, and you have proven resistant to that form of cure. So we shall be the galaxy's immune system, cleansing the disease and bacteria of this place until our home is clean and fit to live in. Decry us, if you must, threaten us, if you dare, but know that we are doing what many of you wish you could do, even if its for a brief second or just a tiny voice in your conscience. Other means have failed, so we will take on the burden of the titles such as 'murderer' in order to achieve a better galaxy. We can see no other means that have worked besides this. If you have some way to prove to us that we are wrong and there is another wrong, we welcome you to try.

But we will not halt our march, we are the galaxy's exterminators, and all of you who taint and corrupt this galaxy, know and take heed: we will come for you. It may be today, it may be tomorrow, it may be right this very second, but we will come and we will ensure you no longer keep this galaxy hostage under your dark aims."

He pauses, gaining a moment to gather himself as that was rather draining to him and then continues.

"Finally, my last point. We have heard much from within New Dornalia and the Colonies about the civil war that has broken out amongst the Dornalians, the terrorist attacks, by follower of the pretender revolutionary who fashions himself 'Mahdi', bringing an insult to the man who originally bore that title, in the Colonies, and the Colonial response. And I must address this conflict.

There is much to say is wrong with both sides; and I will begin first with the Dornalians, for they are the less mistaken side of this struggle.

Dornalia, I understand your struggle, and I agree that the Mahdists have to be stopped. Their leader is nothing but a madman and an extremist who will, and has, done more harm to your struggles, than good. But he is also a symptom of your society. You have always lived with your hearts on your sleeve, not a bad way to do so and far more honest than many others that inhabit this galaxy. However, you have proven again and again that your passions control you, not your reason. You forget that sometimes when we know something is wrong, that it is not always right to immediately defy orders and rules to go save the day.

This galaxy takes those with the ideals of 'good' and 'wrong' and punish them severely. It is good that you still believe in those ideas, I am, in fact, proud to know a people and call them friend who still have that principle. A principle sorely lacking in this galaxy. But, you are too impulsive, too headstrong, and too drunk on the ideas of action heroes, and epic battles to understand that there is a reason these are in the fiction novels and movies. They get people killed because they are so far off from reality. You even had your Mahdist quoting from a children's comic book as if it was equal to texts by greater speakers as Martin Luther King Jr. Things like this make you look to be childish, impulsive, dangerous to everyone including yourselves.

And this transfers over to your Force Users, your People's Acolytes. You are now suffering a variant of the same conflict the Jedi and the Sith have been having for centuries. We only need to look at them and your people to find the same conflict between law and freedom going on. You will need to find a way out of this trap, lest you become extinct much like those two have become in our galaxy.

Passion is a wonderful thing, it drives us to do the most amazing things. But you need to control yourselves and learn to balance the ideal with reality and find a welcome middle ground to pursue.

As a final note to you, we will welcome refugees who are fleeing the fighting, and if we can work a way to allow you through the blockade, will allow safe haven in Telros. We also wish to offer aid, economic, military, or political, in aiding Dornalia with this current crisis.

Now, we turn to our Colonial friends. I am...stunned and awed by what you have done. You have done much to keep your people safe and limit the damage of this civil war to your colonies, but, as the Morningstar Coalition has stated, you have committed a grave wrong here." Kennen's eyes can be seen flashing, and his mouth taking a harsh grim slant and his hands grip the podium till they are white with strain.

"You have instituted a system of oppression, lies, and death that would make the Nazi's howl in approval, and the old Stalinist and Mao dictatorships weep with pride. First, you turned your ire towards A.I., claiming that they will inevitably betray you like the Cylons, ignoring the fact that they are people, sentient beings with thoughts, feelings, emotions, hopes, and dreams! Then, you go on to shackle the famous Gracie's of the Dornalians, to fit your paranoid view of them, and then you turn your hatred towards Force Users, psionics, and anyone who was born, by accident or by the grace of the Gods, with an ability different from everyone else. For this crime, you have mocked them, treated them like shit, put in law organizations and rules that treat them as if they are some kind of thermonuclear device, even inventing a blasted Force Vaccine, as if their abilities are a disease.

And you have the gall, the gall, to proclaim they are evil, that they are Sith, that they are savages who would tear society apart, that the evil attacks they have done are signs of their sin....when you drove them into the corner with beatings and a taser, proceeding to tear at them, abuse them, and pass them around for AMUSEMENT!

You have institutionalized hate, paranoia, oppression, discrimination, and propaganda into a series of laws that make it so they cannot escape. Oh yes, I've heard of your righteous attacks on the PA temples in the colonies, allowing Gemenon to wipe out a whole temple's worth of knowledge and people, to allow Tauron to hold food in front of their PA before killing all of them, allowing yourselves to gather up the PA on Caprica and other worlds, putting them into concentration camps, and don't pretend they are anything but, and keep them in substandard conditions unless they agree to Force Vaccination, upon which they are free to go home and live out their lives, once they submit to the lockstep march of the Colonies and their paranoia of anything that goes bump in the night for them.

I do not care if this sabotages the Empire's attempt to join the Galactic Empire, nor do I care if this forever removes us from any sort of accord, but this nature of degradation and oppression of sentient beings and their freedoms is unforgivable, especially in a society claiming to be democratic.

Over time, I watched you get worse and worse; I hoped the Dornalians would help you loosen up and fix things a bit, but I see you've done nothing but make things worse for them. I sincerely hope you change your tune in the next few years, and come to realize the horrors you have committed here and how wrong they are, lest you find yourselves victims of your own hate.

That is everything I have come to say. Thank you and good night."

The speech ended, the screen returns to its regular programming, with startled news hosts commenting on the speech.

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

This is Stacy Warner, for Caprica City News Network, the most trusted news Network around the Colonies and abroad.

Today’s headlining story, The Abh Empire have entered into negotiations with Caprica earlier this week, on an issue that has been deemed classified for the sake of national security. Although no word as of yet has been leaked on what is going on behind these closed door meetings, rumor has it that the Imperial Admiral of the Abh, Abriel Lafiel has come in person to speak for the Abh Empire.

The Rangers, headed by Lord Rahl of D’hara, has volunteered his services to mediate this negotiation treaty between Caprica and Lafakkalae. We will report to you more once we have further details.

“The Acolyte Rebellion”

From our news sources today, the People’s Acolytes have entered into another battle, surrounding some art Studio, in down town LA. According to sources, a large giant statue has come to life, and has begun rampaging across the city center, killing anyone in it’s wake. Although normally we would dismiss these rumors, since it is involving Dornalia, anything seems to happen on that planet.

“Telrosians Tantrum.”

“In a stunning bit of news today, the Telrosian Dominion as it was formally called, has reformed and had much to say in the way of criticism of this government’s handling of the putting down Terrorist organization, and cause of the rebellion, the People's Acolytes, that are currently bringing death and misery to the Dornalian sectors of the United Colonies.”

“The President and the Admiral of the Fleet were not available for comment, but their offices say that “We are pleased to see the reunification of Telros, and wish them well in their chosen mission to commit genocide in the stars of all people they believe to be unworthy.”

Up next, Sports.

[New Dornalia]

OOC: Notes--in terms of storyline, this takes place all at the same time as Jeishka and Henny's moves. Consider this Myrna's POV.

IC:



*cuts to Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG. Mac himself is in the foreground prepping for his nighttime show.*

*Opening music, as Mac is given the goahead.*

"Alright, fellow citizens....I think you know what time it is. It's time for....The Mac Attack!"

*images fly by of Mac playing Xbox, boxing, moving boxes and kicking a box pile turned into a practice dummy. It's all accompanied by The Lonely Island, and followed up with a voice over going "Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Dornalian way"*

"Today on the Mac Attack, we're comin' live from downtown, where Myrna is broadcasting from the Temple of Greater Los Angeles."

*cuts to Myrna. She is ducking and running across the roofs of buildings in the temple. Her only defense method is a 1911, and she's using it to shoot Mahdist thugs attempting to climb onto the roofs. The camera is moving in an aggressively shaky way, but not obnoxiously so, reflecting the cameraman's expensive equipment and his determination to run like hell.*

"I'm reporting live from the Greater Los Angeles Temple, where all hell has once more broken loose. Mahdist forces are attempting to storm the temple and trying to kill all the civilians inside. Henrietta Collins and her unknown elven assistant so far, have been coordinating a defense to ensure that the refugees inside are not wantonly slaughtered. So far it has been going much more successfully than we expected."

*Mac asks, as Myrna powerslides to evade Mahdist fire as they film Jeishka doing her awesome stuff. The cameraman also pans, showing Henrietta's forces defending the civilians against the Mahdist hordes.*

"How did this all start?"

*As the cameraman zooms in on Jeishka being awesome, Myrna continues to talk, leading the cameraman to street level using a side staircase as Lisa's story suggestion pops up faintly on her comms.*

"Apparently, earlier today, the Mahdists attempted to storm the building using rioters and rebel acolytes. Collins attempted to make them stop. While she stopped the rioters, the Mahdists leading them began attacking everyone, Acolyte, civilian, LAPD and military. At least fifty people are dead, and more civilians are fleeing into the Laudermilk Auditorium/Library--"

*Myrna sees a huge horde rushing to the Laudermilk.*

"--excuse me."

*Myrna then orders her cameraman to dash with her. A brief tussle emerges, with Myrna winning out. Rushing out into the open across the courtyard, Myrna runs as her cameraman begins to capture the fleeing civilians, hiding behind Collins's line. Shots whizz by their heads as Myrna ducks her head low, and the cameraman captures Mahdists falling and doubling over from gunshots and teargas. it's evident she has some training in some form of running, for she keeps a good stance and also bounds over corpses and a wrecked technical. Powersliding again, she hides among a squad of men, getting up firing one-handed the 1911 at two Mahdists intending to run around. Mac can only raise an eyebrow.*

"Umm...Myrna, are you alright?"

*Myrna nods. A Mahdist shot, clearly an explosive bullet, detonates the head of the man next to her. Mac can only look with eyes wide open in shock. Reloading her 1911 and scavenging a Sten from the man's corpse--and three magazines--she keeps firing.*

"We're just in the middle of some shit right now."

*Myrna then finds her squad has joined Henny Collins's squad. The woman has formed up a solid firing line, and is firing back at the Mahdists. The cameraman takes a quick glance ahead of them--there are scared civilians being shepherded by the Vanguardiers. Behind, the cameraman sees Mahdist hordes, vicious, ravenous, more akin to bugs than men. Mac is concerned.*

"Myrna, are you alright?"

*Myrna nods and keeps shooting. Out of ammo for her 1911, she tosses it at a Mahdist's face, breaking his nose. She then pulls out the sten, loads it and begins firing. As she speaks, she continues her report.*

"We're falling back to the Laudermilk. It seems Henrietta Collins here is holding the line, and we're in the thick of it. Repeat, we are in the thick of it! We are protecting these civilians and nothing is going to change that."

*As Myrna and company go inside the auditorium, junk is piled up to block the doors. Myrna looks around, and Henny then asks her to help marshal in the refugees. Myrna complies, and begins helping to move them in. Some of them give V signs to the camera, and others make crude "Hi Mom!" signs. Then, explosions, and Myrna moved them in faster, into the first floor stacks. The Vanguardiers knock over scanners and chairs and tables, and many take up positions behind the circulation desk, including Myrna.*

"Well, shit."

*At the same time, Henny shouts over her comms, "This is Gold Eagle, we're in the first floor of the Laudermilk, we need assistance!"*

[New Dornalia]

*cuts to Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG. Mac himself is in the foreground prepping for his nighttime show.*

*Opening music, as Mac is given the goahead.*

"Alright, fellow citizens....I think you know what time it is. It's time for....The Mac Attack!"

*images fly by of Mac playing Xbox, boxing, moving boxes and kicking a box pile turned into a practice dummy. It's all accompanied by The Lonely Island, and followed up with a voice over going "Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Dornalian way"*

"Today on the Mac Attack, we've got live feed from Tokyo with....."

*Winces*

"Louise Cheung, our resident Mormon fluff-ball of doom."

*Cuts to Louise down in the subway station, as she's helping the Shinsengumi Vanguardiers carry wounded out of the subway. Turning to the camera, she nods and speaks.*

"It's been a heck of a day, Mac. Within the past 72 hours, we've had to fight in close-quarters battle to retake Tokyo from the Ikko-Ikki revolt. What I've seen...is something else sir."

*Mac asks, curious.*

"Can you describe to me what's up? You seem--"

*Louise replies, putting the stretcher down as a military ambulance picks up the wounded civvies. She's seemingly muted, and decides to wax poetic, trying to stay objective but clearly failing in the midst of the human destruction around her.*

"What was once simply a sectarian conflict is now revealed to be more than that, Mac. I had the chance to be embedded with the 156th Infantry Regiment, the Flying Hellfish. We fought through buildings, like that mall over there, slugging it out with madmen and guerillas. It looked like just another fight, really. But, while we were fighting, it was turning into a life and death struggle for the refugees down here in the Akihabara Station. I saw women and men down in there who were old, tired, needing insulin, and whom the military got just in time. To their credit, the People's Acolytes down there took good care of them on a shoestring budget while the Ikko-Ikki rampaged in the streets above."

*Mac then looks as Louise asks one of the women in Japanese, and the old lady replies.*

"Shinsengumi, People's Acolytes....they help us! Provided medication to fight the fever, yes. Ikko-Ikki, they went mad, would not have done such things, would have killed us all."

*Louise asks the old lady some more in Japanese, which is quickly translated in text below for non-Japanese speakers. Fuzzy and Chris stand and watch.*

So, granny...why would they have hurt you? You can use Nihongo, it's okay.

*The old lady frowns, wondering why she has to explain something that obvious.*

The Ikko-Ikki were claiming that anyone who didn't help them was a traitor. A profligate. They were tired of collaborators they said, and whoever didn't help them and their Master was a collaborator, and that they needed to seize the means of power, so they went after the cops, and then they went after everyone. Humph! I didn't give them money because they were like those Masaki-worshiping Ouendan bastards. Always so noisy. And always so angry and violent. I tell my son, stay away from them.

That answer your question?

*Louise nods.*

It does, granny. Thank you for your help.

*The old lady smiles and then frowns again.*

You're a good kid...rare to find kids like you out of the tv nowadays. Just cover up your assets there, back in my day, you would have been spanked for that!

*Louise realizes her jacket's about to collapse, and she buttons it up, immediately, to the old lady's satisfaction. Fuzzy sighs and whispers something to Chris, and Louise shoots the evil eye to Fuzzy, who shrugs. Getting up, Louise then speaks to the camera.*

"No word on what the death toll is yet, Mac in other spots. However, I can tell you this--from what I've heard, the Ikko-Ikki are on the run, and their strongest concentration has been broken here, with mop up work to be done. From what I've seen down in the train station, everyone made it out alive, thanks to Dr. Halpin, Master Smith and resident surgeon at Camp Zama Medical Center, who worked constantly to save the lives of everyone below. The man deserves a medal, if you ask me."

*Mac nods.*

"Well, we'll see. Thank you, Louise."

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

During prime time, when people were watching their favorite shows, and the champion ship pyrimad game played through out the television, holoband, and holonet channels, suddenly, the presidential seal of the Colonies broke through.

“My fellow Capricans, Colonials, noble citizens of the United Colonies of Kobol, and of the Abh Empire, and any other nation that may be listening in.”

“Unity, it’s a word we’ve said a lot over the last few years. The dream of unity became a reality under the first president of this republic MacIntryre, whose legacy should not be one of failure, but instead one of a pioneer, as he forged into an alliance and a union which lasted longer than anyone could have dreamed. The Dornies and the Colonies have stood side by side, protecting each other, aiding each other, working with one another, for such a long time that many nations in this universe can no longer fathom us without them, or them without us.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Colonies, that time of unity with the Thirteenth Colony of New Dornalia is now over. The Dornilia civil war, which has threatened the gates of Caprica, have begun a period that by all intelligence estimates will show that the People’s Acolytes will soon, either directly, or indirectly will rule over the people of Dornalia, that power not elected but taken at the point of a gun, by force. Like every dream, eventually we must wake up.”

“A few hours ago the Acolytes which has enjoyed the full support by the Dornalian populace, have sent a task force into the Abh Empire’s territory, and launched an unprovoked surprise attack against Lafakkalae. The proof is undeniable, and is plain for all to see, in the wreckage and logs of the Abh. Under our banner, the Acolytes have struck a blow against our allies, threatening to engulf Caprica and Lafakkalae into a long and drawn out war, all in the name to keep their vow to bring Caprica and the other Colonies and territories to their knees.”

“Beside me stands the Imperial admiral, Abriel Lafiel, with the full support of the Admiral of the Colonial Fleet, Admiral Tamara Adama to show the worlds that this deceit shall not have the victory it intended, but instead has united our nations in an unprecedented matter.

"The Late Admiral of the Fleet, Helena Cain once said, that in times of turmoil, one must examine their prerogative." "With the Dornie attack on Lafakkalae which almost brought our nation into conflict with the Abh, our prerogative is clear. We can no longer stand by and watch the Dornies rip themselves apart under our banner."

"So what do we do? We have two options, we can let them be, free from us, and us free from them, to allow the Dornies the freedom to sell themselves into the slavery to the force , or we fight, under our banner, and burn the skies of the force users, and scorch the Earth."

"Our option is simple. War or schism."

"To that, I say the Colonies do not wish the blood of billions of Dornies on our hands. The Dornies were once descended from Kobol, so we offer them this one last chance to live and have peace. They are our kin, but no longer shall we live side by side. If they reject this, and attack the Abh and Colonies again, through their army, or Navy, People Acolytes or Military Corporations, they should understand that our hands will no longer be restrained, as the wrath of the Colonies and the Abh shall descend upon earth, and earth would fall.

"We understand that we wish to live in peace with them, but know that their choices, their beliefs are in conflict with their own. We can live in harmony with them, but we can no longer live in union with them."

"I know many of you are wondering about what we will do now. This government, as of this moment, shall abolish the United Colonies of Kobol and the constitution, that the Dornalia‘s themselves have been ignoring for years, and shall join with the Abh into an Empire dedicated to safeguarding all of the lives of it's citizens. An Empire that is dedicated to strong borders, who would never let such an incident like that which happened to Lafakkalae happen again.

Together, we shall gain new strength, greater trade and commerce, and our military might will be unparalleled. And let it be known to all that force users and Psionics shall never shackle the spirit of free and common men, and they will learn that they will never again rule us, as Palpitine once did."

"Tonight we will see the death of the United Colonies, and welcome the new dawn. The dawn of the Imperial Colonies. The Abh and Colonials have agreed today in a meeting at Caprica City, that until the violence in Dornalia ends, and until their society is able to have a unified government, that all trade between a independent and sovereign Dornalia and the Humankind Abh and the Colonial empire shall and all of their conjoined and stronger companies shall cease. Our will is furthered with this newly minted Empire between the Abh and Colonials, by the addition of the Star Forces to the blockade on Dornalia, that shall last until the civil war ends and stability is returned to Dornalia.”

"Thank you all, and may the lords bless the Imperial Colonies of Kobol."

[New Dornalia]

*cuts to Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG. Mac himself is in the foreground prepping for his nighttime show.*

*Opening music, as Mac is given the goahead.*

"Alright, fellow citizens....I think you know what time it is. It's time for....The Mac Attack!"

*images fly by of Mac playing Xbox, boxing, moving boxes and kicking a box pile turned into a practice dummy. It's all accompanied by The Lonely Island, and followed up with a voice over going "Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Dornalian way"*

*Mac looks at the screen, having just heard the announcement. He is shocked. He is disturbed. He is stunned. He is left paralyzed for a moment. Then, he weakly mutters the first words that come to mind.*

"Holy."

"Fucking."

"Shit."

*Mac coughs and holds his hand up to the camera a little, drinking a glass of water provided by The Producer. He then turns to the screen.*

"This just in. The United Colonies have been dissolved in what can only be described as the intergalactic equivalent of a breakup/divorce. Apparently, due to a combination of creative and cultural differences, as well as an alleged attack by the PA on the Abh capital, we have been told the UCK is hereby dissolved. We are persona non grata until we can clean ourselves up, isolated by Star Forces and Colonial Fleet intervention until we can clean up our mess."

*Mac facepalms, like a man who just got served with a divorce. He is clearly taking this very, very hard. A long sigh is heard, and he struggles to tactfully express his opinions. Mac himself is clearly holding back a surge of emotions, and occasionally pauses at points to take deep breaths. He is....well, a mess of emotions. No graceful way to put it.*

"I'm not going to speak about the nature of the accusation with the Lakfakalle attack. This is not the time nor place to comment on it, especially since the accused parties are not able to speak for themselves, locked as they are in an apocalyptic struggle for supremacy, and I am in no way shape or form even prepared to comment on an accusation of that magnitude, not without making myself look like a fucking baby-eating son of a bitch.

I am flattered that my legacy was acknowledged as a positive. That I can be thankful for. Despite the fact we just got served with a divorce paper of holy fucking huge proportions, in addition, I would like to say that was the gentlest of divorce papers we could have possibly gotten, considering the content involved. We could have been fried like a catfish and chips platter at Scotchman's.

I've just gotten more word now...Supreme Commandant De Bruyn has...called for an emergency meeting of the JRCCC staff and all political leaders to hammer out a basic framework for a Provisional Government to govern ND for the duration of the emergency. Additionally, with the blockade, a regimen of rationing of food and energy and materiel vital to the War Effort has been declared."

*Mac shuffles papers, clearly at the breaking point.*

"Can't imagine Madame Henny would be happy to hear the last bit, but she's not one to let little words to get her down. I hope anyway. Anyway folks, you heard them all....let's hope we can get some peace in here soon."

*Mac then gets up and walks out, about to collapse.*

"I need a minute."

*The Producer then motions for a cut to commercial.*

[Thrashia]

"Welcome back ladies and gentle-beings to the program, where the news of the galaxy comes to you! I am your host, Tod Tucker, the head news anchor for the Bastion-based headquarters of HoloNet News One! In tonight's show we have an important announcement by our beloved leader, Regent and Grand Admiral Thrawn!"

*scene cuts to a simple podium of black with a silver image of the Imperial cog emblem at its center. A large red banner bearing the royal crest of the Thrashian Imperial Family and the Empire's personal badges is draped behind the podium. A figure wearing the white uniform of a grand admiral but lacking the usual gold epaulettes and rank symbol steps forward; the light of the stage is muted, so he looks almost regal.*

"Citizens of the Thrashian Empire and allies of the Galactic Empire, today is a momentous day. It has seen the dawn of the rebirth of our Telrosian brothers into a steady and strong, new nation. It is terrible and overcast by the conflict brewing across the Dornalian people and the ravaging deaths that have been accrued by the People's Acolytes. It has been made stronger, by the binding of the Imperial Colonies and the Abh Empire into a more perfect union. Today is a momentous day...

"How shall we cope with such tragedies and great happiness? Never more has it been well shown that happiness and sorrow go hand-in-hand. But rest assured, the Empire of Thrashia knows its course and shall stick to it no matter the trials and tribulations that are laid out before it and it's respective allies.

"We welcome back our Telrosians brothers into the fold! As of a few hours ago, I signed a bill given forth by the People's Senate that officially recognizes the new government of the Telrosian people and formally re-welcomes them into the Galactic Empire Alliance. Together, we are stronger. Together, we are better. Together, we will surmount even the greatest of challenges.

"The Imperial Medical Corp has been given marching orders this day. I have dispatched the 7th Medical task force to the territory of the former UCK to facilitate the relief of refugees and all those affected by the violence of civil strife. We will not interfere militarily in the local affairs of the Dornalians, but we will not shy from the needs of the innocent. Funding for this aid relief will take priority for the next round of charity events that will be taking place both here on Bastion and all across the great lands of the Thrashian Empire. I encourage you, citizens of a caring people, to give what you can to help relieve the pain and suffering of our allies in their time of need.

"And in ending, it is my pleasure to announce that the Empire of Thrashia officially recognizes the union of Caprica and the Abh Empire, the Imperial-Colonies, as the new legitimate government of their respective peoples. It is with hope for future prosperity and health that I also endorse this recognition within the Council of Lords, and will push for the immediate creation of a new seating of the council within our next deliberations.

"Prosperity and strength for all."

*the camera zooms out over a cheering crowd of spectators and slowly fades to black*

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

The familiar face of the Anchor of Caprica City News Network appeared on televisions and holoband networks across the galaxy. The once sun with thirteen points, had been replaced with the old Colonial insignia in the background, with a flag of the Abh Empire.

“This is Stacy Warner, coming to you with our first news conference as the Imperial Colonies most trusted news network.” she said as she tapped the papers in front of her.

The Birth of the Empire

“Our top story today, Picon HQ has announced that the merging of the Star Forces and Imperial Colonial navies, under the banner of the Abh Star Forces is going as smooth as possible, with the first of the Abh Crews being transferred amongst the Fleet based in the Twelve Colonies, and several divisions of officers and enlisted being transferred to Lafakkalae, to be assigned to various ships of the fleet.”

Empress Eclipse of Huntaria Dead at the age of 36

She looked down at her papers, “Breaking news in the Huntaerian Empire. According to sources inside the Huntarian Empire, Empress Eclipse, who as we all know was Caprican born, died today tragically in a car crash near the Imperial Palace in Huntaria City. The crash happened last night at 2354.”

“Our hearts go out to the family of the Empress.”

“In a speech today, Grand Moff Nixon has stated that Eve Agatheon, the youngest daughter of Empress Eclipse will be taking the throne of Huntaria. Eve is currently fifteen years of age, and is succeeding her older sister, Ada who is now eighteen. We here at Caprica as well as the rest of this new Empire wish Empress Eve, or what ever name shall be given to her, according to Huntarian Tradition, a long rule.”

Economic News:

Scorpia Engineering Corp, today signed a contract deal with the Huntarian Empire for a jointly build and operated Centerpoint Station. The details released to the public places a minimum order of four miniaturized Centerpoint stations, to be placed in areas around the Galactic Empire. These stations, which are a massive 35K long, are only 10 % of the size of the original Centerpoint, but with recent advancements in power supply and miniaturization promise to be almost as strong as the original.”

“Although Details of the contract, and the design are classified, stocks in the Company founded by Dr. Lang skyrocketed today, as the first payment of the contract, totaled four trillion Huntaerian Credits to the company, which is reporting it will begin work on the stations next week. According to Picon HQ, these stations shall be jointly owned and operated by the Huntarian Empire and the Imperial Colonies.”

“The War on the Force” - Terrorist bomber blew up his own people

In a surprising turn of events, a bomb rocked the downtown district of Caprica City today. Police arrived on the scene to discover that an People’s Acolyte had put on a suicide vest, and blown himself up, along with his entire terrorist cell. One police woman had this to say.

“We are glad the Acolytes have learned how to practice their runs of death and destruction, and continue to hope that those force using mother frakkers continue to do live practice drills amongst their own kind.”

According to sources, no by standards were injured, in this apparent suicide bomber accident, which left four acolytes dead, and none wounded.

[New Dornalia]

OOC: Again, a "second perspective post" consisting of relevant, requoted material from the main thread.

IC:

*cuts to Jock and Jane can be seen in the background. One has a Barrett Light Fifty, and the staccato sounds of its .50BMG cartridge going off can be heard in the studio. The other has a M240 LMG. Mac himself is in the foreground prepping for his nighttime show.*

*Opening music, as Mac is given the goahead.*

"Alright, fellow citizens....I think you know what time it is. It's time for....The Mac Attack!"

*images fly by of Mac playing Xbox, boxing, moving boxes and kicking a box pile turned into a practice dummy. It's all accompanied by The Lonely Island, and followed up with a voice over going "Fighting for Truth, Justice and the Dornalian way"*

"Um, this just in....Supreme Commandant De Bruyn has announced that the City of Los Angeles has been pacified finally. According to the Supreme Commandant's Office the surge of extra troops and the heroic defense of the LA Temple by Henrietta Collins and her kickass elven friend are cited as the main factors in crushing the rising there.

Wait...Myrna has some footage. Myrna?"

*cuts to Myrna with a camera, who directs it at Henrietta Collins as a small child walks up to the Grand Sensei, tugging at her pantsleg. Looking down, Henrietta asks the little one.*

"Yes?"

*The child replies with a sickeningly sweet grin.*

"What's your name, Tia?"

*Henny kneels to the child's level, and goes*

"Henrietta Elizabeth Collins. Grand Sensei. Call me Henny, it's easier to say. What's your name?"

*The child speaks.*

"Lucy. Lucy Arroyo."

*Lucy then points to Jeishka, her interest quickly shifting to the elf and her unusual mix of plate armor and M16-type rifle.*

"Who's the lady in the knight armor with the gun? She looks like a princess."

*Henny goes to the girl, sounding like Mr. Rogers for a moment.*

"She's Jeishka. She's from a place called Mythrandir, you'll learn about it in stellar cartography class. It's a bit far from here. She got stuck here because of the bad men."

"Okay."

*The little girl beams like the two suns summoned by Terry Crews from those Old Spice commercials and does the most adorable thing kids could do--give both Henny and Jeishka big hugs, as big as, well, a little kid could give.*

"Thank you, Tia Henny! Thank you, Tia Jessy! You saved us!"

*She then scampers off to her mother, whose smile indicates that likely, little Lucy had spoken for the whole lot. Henny got up, dusted off her pants legs, and then noticed Myrna and her camera, somewhat surprised.*

"The hell--"

"Well....I was broadcasting it. Live. To the whole universe."

"You mean to tell me we just got hugged on live TV, Frank Capra-style?"

"Yeah."

*Henny sheepishly grins.*

"Well, shit. I guess you can't make this stuff up."

*Pausing for a moment, she then picks up her radio.*

"All units, this is the Grand Sensei. We need medevac and supplies, now."

"Roger that, Grand Sensei, we have medical dropships on their way. Repeat, medevac is on its way. ETA five minutes. Over and out."

*Sitting down on the fountain, Henrietta pulled out her PDA and began to look at its contents. Myrna speaks for a bit.*

"Well, Mac, we just saw here a moment of heartwarming and an end to one of the most harrowing battles fought on Dornalian soil. The battle of Los Angeles, fought with eight hundred men and women against thousands of enemies. You can't make this stuff up--"

*Henrietta then turns to Myrna.*

"Still got that camera?"

"Yeah?"

"Good. Turn it on me again. I think it's time I said something."

*The camera is turned onto Henrietta as she adjusts her hair and stands straight in front of the camera.She then begins to speak.*

"Fellow Dornalians, I'm not much of a speaker. I'm more of a doer, even. I guess it comes naturally more to me, especially given my police background. But I have much to say here today, so I need you to listen up, because I got a message for all of you, especially that mother out there who wants to kill us all.

Before I came here to Los Angeles, before I came to this temple, I had thought that the matter of stopping the Mahdi was a legal issue. A police action with simple by-the-book procedures. That has changed now, with what I have seen is at stake. Getting up close and personal with fucking lunatics who want to kill someone just because they realized what they were doing was wrong gets into your skin like that. It does that to a person.

What we're talking about here, fellow Dornalians, is what Walter Sobchak would call unchecked aggression here. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this aggression will not stand. We have to draw a line in the sand here, and no other place. Beforehand, I said all this as a cop. Now I say it as a human being who, for a lack of a better word, is pissed off.

I say this because nowhere in the realms of civilized men and women that you don't get off scot free when you kill innocents. The Mahdi's issuing plenty of stupid orders, and he's making plenty of bizarre, homicidal pronouncements which condemn much of the populace to death. Now, I know what you're thinking. “Oh shit. Here comes officer friendly, here to talk about law and order and why I should pay my fucking traffic tickets because I dared to creep six fucking inches across the line and I hit a cat.”

No, this isn't fucking officer friendly, this is officer I'm-going-to-kick-the-Mahdi's-ass because his followers eagerly tried to murder men, women and children in front of me using agents provocateurs and men in trucks with machineguns—and these were citizens who realized what they were doing was wrong and were in the process of dispersing and who were disarming, and they shot them in the back. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

This is officer I'm-going-to-kick-the-Mahdi's-ass because he decided to start shit with the Abh Empire and the 12 Colonies in our name, while we were busy trying to save ourselves from his homicidal rage. For what? Because presumably, he was pissed at someone. People, just because the Colonials decided to be more than a little smug to us doesn't mean we can start trying to make CYLONS again. It doesn't mean we can fuck with their trains! And the Abh...what the hell? There was no fucking reason for that, Mr. Parseegian, except that maybe you just felt like it was funny and maybe you felt like you needed to let of some steam. WHAT. THE. FUCK!?

This is the kind of shit I was talking about. Can we deny anger? No, because we all get angry, especially at discrimination. But holy fucking hell, Mr. Parseegian, you just lost the fucking moral high ground for all time with this one. When you started shooting random people and purging them because they dared look at your precious Empowereds in a funny way, you lost the moral high ground. Don't even justify it, because there is no amount of justification for what I've seen down there at the temple. The actions I have seen during my defense of the Los Angeles Temple are, to put it mildly, fucking disgusting and beyond animalistic. Any comparison to animals would be insulting to the animals. To give amnesty to them would be a crime to the Dornalian people.

And now, this is the part no one wants to hear, and hell, even I'm reluctant to do it, because it's a Dornie belief that everyone gets a chance at redemption. I've seen plenty of bad eggs in my time, and as a cop, I gave them a chance to turn their lives around. But now, I'm not so sure. When you kill innocent people for fun and anger....when you kill because some cult leader told you to do it and then neglected to take responsibility for anything....there is only one way this is going to end.

So I apologize if this announcement seems redundant. However, as I read today on the news, it was not obvious enough to the universe at large the Mahdi does not and has not ever represented us as a whole, partly thanks to the exaggerated reporting of those sources I will respectfully not name, but I'm sure which my mother's side of the family are watching right now. This will hopefully begin the process of setting the record straight, and if it doesn't, well, Mr. Parseegian will just have to answer for fraud too.

From now on, the Mahdists are no longer fellow PA members. Any and all PA officers and rank-and-file PA members who show sympathy for Mahdist ideology or Empowered supremacy as espoused by the Mahdi will have their membership in the PA terminated effective immediately. Additionally, any and all PA members who have committed atrocities at the Mahdi's urging or because they were otherwise inspired by his or any other ideology of Empowered supremacy are all officially Rogue Psykers, to be prosecuted under the Hawley-Lew provisions dealing with psychic crime.

Surrender will only be accepted without conditions. I issue no amnesty and no amnesty will be issued by any of my officers—to give amnesty to them would be a crime to the Dornalian people.

**Henrietta breathes in and out for a few minutes, and then speaks again, smiling.**

You may ask me now—is there anything more to this? Yes.

It seems that by the grace of some force, some ill-wind, Linh-Mina changing her tuning scale, or perhaps just the gods of our various peoples having creative differences like they're wont to do, the United Colonies is now on its way out. Or for a cruder word borrowed from the annals of romance, we have been dumped by the 12 Colonies, and politely told that while we were nice people for a while, we just got too insane for them. Friendzoned yes on generous terms, but otherwise served with divorce papers.

How that will affect our conflict is very simple. It doesn't change it one bit. Political realities, big words, fancy Divorce Papers mean nothing to the little people who put up with everyday reality, especially if that reality involves a pissed off man bent on your death. It just means that we're having to do it on a slightly tighter budget. But don't worry. The line will still be drawn—the Mahdi isn't getting a free pass to cross it because Caprica is going its own way.

We're going to keep fighting the Mahdi, and keep doing so with the coordination of the Supreme Commandant of the Provisional Government of Earth. And we will not stop until the Mahdists are stopped. It's that simple.

The world is watching us now, folks, so we can't stop now. Because you all know what it's saying.

“This crazy Hajarran witch distantly related to Michael Collins of Irish lore can't really be serious, can she? With her motley crue of operators, magicians, and one Elf, she's gonna stop this madman and his cult? These Dornies are a lot more batshit insane than we thought!”

And to that, I'll tell them in a made up Irish brogue which stinks to high heavens, (switches to poor imitation of an Irish brogue), “Of course, we can. We're Dornalians. The universe thinks us mad, thinks us too uncouth, thinks us a buncha hotblooded psychopaths who don't realize what we're doin'. But maybe, in the words of Billy Joel, 'It may just be a lunatic you're looking for' to save the day.”

*switches to a normal voice*

That is all, thank you."

*Myrna then turns to the screen.*

"You heard it here first, Mac. All Mahdists are no longer in the PA, and are to be taken down. And, we now know who did the Lakfakalle attack--the Mahdi himself--another reason to kick him in his nuts. From Tia Henny and Tia Jessie themselves, hopefully not in that awful Irish brogue."

[Orthodox Gnosticism]

Greetings to all of the people of the Imperial Colonies, and the greater Empire. This is Stacy Warner, of Caprica City News Network, giving you the most unbiased reporting in the Empire.

The Top Story of the hour, The President of twelve colonies today has released a statement to the press. According to Colonial Intelligence, every member of the People’s Acolyte in the data base has either been captured, or killed, in a raid last week that involved the Rangers.

"Admiral Tamara Adama, has issued the Colonial Medal of Valor, the highest Award offered by the Twelve Colonies to the Rangers who participated in this operation stating, "The Rangers who were involved, showed the highest courage, and dedication to safeguarding this nation from it's hidden enemies within."

According to sources within the intelligence community, the mission was a sting operation between Ranger forces, and Colonial forces, which caused the last People’s Acolyte cell in the Colonies to be captured or killed.

“Most disturbing of the reports, was that on the scene, the Acolytes seemed to be running a human Trafficking scheme, in which captured men, women and children were sold off world to the highest bidder. In the raid, over sixty two good Colonial citizens were liberated from their cages. According to the report, the Acolytes held them under, in a medical coma, to ease transportation.

“According to sources, all of those people are currently receiving medical attention at various hospitals across Caprica City. We go live to the scene.”

A young energetic man with a slight southern draw begins to speak. “Thank you Stacy, I’m Mark Twoles, reporting live from the grizzly scene where the Acolytes kept the innocent people of the Colonies to sell in their depraved human trafficking scheme.

Behind him looked to be a shipping crate, used to transport goods, with hard metallic slabs, with tubes running down from the ceiling. Mark steps in, and nearly gags from the smell. “The smell in here is horrific.” he said, as he walked over to one of the slabs.

The Camera pans down to a hard metal slab, with what looks to be a outline of some liquid, and a glob of human feces. “As you can see.” he said, “These people were kept in deplorable conditions, as their would be jailors kept them in a medical induced coma using a mixture of Morpha to keep them under, and Bacta, to keep their bodies healthy to be used on sales. The People’s Acolytes didn’t even bother to rinse off the human waste, or to provide bed pans. Truly disgusting.”

The TV screen splits in two with Stacy on the right, and Mark on the left. “Can you tell me how the victims of the Acolytes are fairing after their experience?”

The man nodded, “Well Stacy, it would appear that they are doing well, and doctors expect a full recovery.”

The screen panned to Stacy, “Well our hearts certainly do go out to the victims of the Acolytes. If you wish to donate money to help the victims, we have information on our holoband site where you can donate, to help these poor victims.

“According to Picon Command, the intrigation of the Star Forces with what was once the Colonial fleet is continuing on schedule today, with Several Imperial Star Carrier groups merging with Abh White Star and Excalibur class Battleships. According to Picon Command, the Abh have been most compliant with the merging of the Colonial ships into the Star Forces. The Discord of Eris’ Carrier group has been deployed to Lafakkalae, where it will serve a Twelve month deployment protecting the capitol of the Empire, and helping to direct Vombray Station in Abh space to be re-fit to hold our ships and re-supply.”

“According to a news briefing released by the President’s office today, a deal has been made with the Far Stars Confederacy, regarding the closing of the Infamous Camp thirteen. As we all know Camp Thirteen is the Quarantine Zone in which all of those captured during the war have been held. Although by all reports, they were treated voluntarily for their medical conditions and were well fed, Camp Thirteen faced false and inaccurate criticism by foreign nations, such as the Telrosians.

Today the president has decided to close the camp and send those that were held there to the Farstars Confederacy, or to the New Sith Order, leaving the decision up to the individuals currently under quarantine. The Acolytes will be supervised in the transports by either the Ossus Jedi, or New Sith Order, depending on their choice of destination leads.

Camp Thirteen shall officially remain open, according to the president’s office, to hold any more of the Acolytes, should they come to our shores.

Coming up next, in Entertainment news, the show Cooking with Kythons has become an over night hit, with ratings of 20.4, the highest rated show for the new network, Kython TV.