Bryn Shander Declares Open Season On Space Whales [FT]

[Bryn Shander]

Bryn Shander Declares Open Season On Space Whales
The Janesville Reporter
By Melissa James


Artist's impression

Last week, seven hundred passengers were killed when the space liner Sylvania was swallowed by a recently discovered species of space whale during a whale watching cruise. In a shocking move, the government in Bryn Shander has responded to the public outcry by calling the space whales to be a danger to all interstellar shipping and has declared open season on the whales in an attempt to make the stars safer for all travelers.

It is unknown how the markets and the international community will react to the capital's declaration.

[Amazonian Beasts]

OOC: This is great beyond words.

[OMGeverynameistaken]

The Imperial Russian whaling fleet has already launched its first official space-whaling-ship. As these creatures are rumored to be far larger than their terrestrial cousins, the markets on Earth have exploded, although supply has increased greatly, and thus prices have dropped, whale oil is available to all now, so everybody wins.

Tsar Nicholas is pleased to announce that, thanks to the contribution of the space whales, winter in Siberia will be far warmer and brighter, even for the convicts.

[Brogavia]

While the Binarian government failed to take notice any real notice of this new discovery, many people in the private sector certianly did. Although most saw it as good money, a few in the whiny, bleeding heart, leftwing media complained.

AP -Kongisberg, Kurhessen- The recent declaration of a space whale season by the Shanerian government has been highly controvesrial, drawing critism from botht he left and the right. A recent interview with PETM(People for The Ethical Treatment of Molecules) leader Free Waterfall Jr., ended with him throwing fake blood on everyone and yelling, "Space whales are people too. You can't do that man!"

On the right, the critism comes mainly from a signle indivual, who would like to remain anonymous. Our correspondent Morbo, sat down with this man.

"Why would you seek to protect such weak and pitful creatures? You should be destroying them, as they are the only thing more weak and wretched than your own kind!"

"Morbo, space whales ain't the problem. The real problem is them wasckly wabbits. We should be spending more time on wabbit hunting, not whale hunting. We need to take a different woad. The weal money is in wabbits, not whales."

"Stupid human logic, you will all be destroyed! "

[Auman]

'I refuse to even comment on this vile creature. It's banned from Auman and its sale within our borders is to be considered a felony under the Kriegor Act.' Said General Polosh, acting minister of fisheries and wildlife, while sipping a lukewarm cup of coffee.
Lieutenant Karl H. Rhein nodded. He gathered together all the various intelligence documents on the creature that he brought with him and scurried off to inform the Overlord of Polosh's assessment, and leave it to Navarrone for legislation.
'What if local hunters wish to kill the creature for sport, or sale outside of Auman?' Asked Lt. Rhein. Polosh put down his coffee and said 'As long as these foul, saw mouthed, creatures do not enter Auman, I don't give a fuck. God knows what sort of disgusting parasites or pestilent bacteria these things carry in them.'
Rhein simply nodded and left the room, efficiently carrying out his duties... hoping that if he made an impression here, in the diplomatic service, he'd get a field commission sooner or later.