Global and Internal Affairs (IC)

[Ellinika Nisia]

OOC: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=514383

Across the globe and known universe, life and civilisations interact and strive for power or peace. Empires, Republics, Alliances and thousands of different ideologies write the history of what they call home, with varying goals and ideals. How will your nation change the course of history?

This thread is open to everyone, you can post anything roleplay related for your nation and interact with other nations.

Admins:
Ellinika Nisia/Federation Imperiale

Rules:
1. There is no set time or tech limit.
2. If someone does not want to roleplay, leave them alone.
3. No godmodding, metagaming and use common sense.
4. Keep arguments out of this thread, move to telegrams or foe each other.
5. Be respectful to one another and enjoy.

Post Rules
1. Each post should have at least a decent size paragraph.
2. No massive walls of text, organise posts into paragraphs.
3. Please put information that can be put in one post, in one post instead of multiple (Post Series will not be affected, should it be spread out across a few days and follow all other rules).

Discord: https://discord.gg/RkEKe6h37U

[Untecna]

Untecna would experience a slight "broken arrow" incident, losing a few prototype antimatter weapons being sent to an undisclosed planet for testing to go on the [REDACTED] and be integral in the destruction of [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED], or to wherever they wish it to go. Any information on them, as they happen to be near Earth, would be favorable.

[Meretica]

The Sicilian Post
Remember the Dragonhearts | 30th March 2036

Hugo Nome Remembered
| By Former President Amelia Bell
I met Hugo Nome at the age of twelve when I first watched the Senate in action many years ago. Nome, an Almaton native like me, had been young and refreshing on the political scene, a Loyal Fedrilican at heart. The party had expected him to be the future, and in many ways, they were right. He quickly rose to the top and excelled in all that he did as a Senator. When I entered politics and earned a Senate seat on the other side of Almaton at the age of 23, Nome and I met again, and he became my mentor.

In his public service as a Senator, he not only won every award of note that the nation offered, but he was also soon in regular correspondence with the most notable political names of the day, including Carolina Edwards, our first president; Esmeralda Dragonheart, mother of King Michael II; and the Whitestar Family of Misericord, which is today known as Vienna. Several of his essays found their way into publications such as Diplomacy Daily, Grievances in Government, and The Practical Politician. Hugo’s future presidency seemed likely to be meteoric, and the only question that remained was when he would run for the post. Though it was often predicted in later years that he was on the point of taking the job, however, he never had presidential ambitions.

Instead, Nome took on multiple diplomatic posts, serving part-time as an ambassador and advisor to the Department of State. Nome also served as a spy when the Empire was born, giving key information and solidifying democratic influence over the United Federation in its earliest stages. Nome chaired the UF from the beginning, bringing his name back to the front of Meretican minds. I firmly believe that if Hugo had not so bravely risked his life that the Empire would not have been defeated.

His career didn’t end there, however. To cap it all off, he went on to serve as the King’s Ambassador, being the first to serve in that position since the death of Carolina Edwards. [Continued 5C]

Senate Fails to Convict by One Vote
| By Joe King
537 Senators– one shy of the mandated 538 needed to convict– voted to find President Francis DuBois not guilty of all the charges levied against him despite heaps of evidence and the loss of political support. 135 found him not guilty, just barely helping him hold on to the presidency.
“It’s all a sham,” said Sen. Kefauver, a leading Federalist that voted to convict DuBois. “These handful of Senators protecting him are putting the party over justice, truth, and the nation. They ought to know better.”
However, DuBois disagreed with Kefauver, a former political ally, stating that the real heroes had been those that had “strongly stood against the Conservative-led effort to upend our politics.” DuBois added that he applauded the “courageous few” that stood up to the coalition aiming to convict and remove DuBois. [Continued 2B]

[Ellinika Nisia]

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||A Balkan Federation Company|January 5th, 2041.||

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Turkey Sells Land as Crisis Continues.
Wrote by Sara Deskova

Following the ongoing Turkish economic crisis, a deal was proposed to the Balkan federation to sell Istanbul, Edirne, Tekirdag and Kirklareliin in exchange for an undisclosed amount of money. Months worth of debate across the nation’s many social media platforms and polls conducted by multiple organisations have shown many were now in favour, leading the public to inquire the government on mass about the progress of the deal. Nothing was heard from the government or the president about the deal, leaving thousands to think the deal didn't go through causing significant annoyance on Twitter.

However, months later, an announcement was made to the Federation which said the following, “After months of meetings and negotiations, the Federation will acquire Istanbul, Edirne, Tekirdag and Kirklareliin for Eight Hundred Billion. All citizens in the four provinces will be given citizenship, same benefits of our nation and dual-citizenship with Turkey for five years.” This news was met with general happiness, with only a few angry at the price paid for the four new provinces. However, the new lands give the federation control of the Black Sea and who leaves it, which is most likely going to be used to stop Russian vessels due to heightened tensions and aggression shown by Russia as Ukraine continues to push back Russia.


European Union Announces Plans to Federalise.
Wrote by Isik Aykac

The European Union has officially announced plans for it to begin federalising, in hopes of a future federation of Europe, with the groundwork already set out by previous bills and laws. This announcement has caused a massive, mixed response with multiple nations’ politicians spreading fear and complaining about a violation of sovereignty, similar to the events of the failed 2024 vote on a British exit from the Union. However, quite a few in France, Germany, Balkans and the Benelux have expressed overall agreement to the idea with one user on Twitter saying, “It is about time Europe cleaned up its act, we’ve been fighting each other for a bit too long. We should focus on other threats, like China and Russia.”

The International response has been mixed, smaller nations including the New Cape, the Commonwealth of Nations, Morocco and Palestine have sent words of excitement but major powers like China, Russia and the USA have remained silent with rumours of “anger” circulating across social media. The Balkan Federation’s government is expected to join the Federation, should it come to exist, with a statement from an official reading, “We must stand by our European allies, as they have done with us. Europe has been home to conflict for far too long, the Balkans will join and help stabilise the continent.”


Chinese and American Instability.
Wrote by Idris Bajić

In recent decades, China and America have risen to the status of superpowers from insignificant nations but have begun showing signs of weakening power in the last couple of years causing many to fear the collapse of both and the world’s economy along with it. China has suffered from constant rebellions in Inner Mongolia, Xinjiang and Tibet from leaked reports of the horrible atrocities being committed by the PRC. The Atrocities also saw Taiwan gain mass recognition from UN members, causing Chinese power in Asia to fall dramatically and for the Hong Kong protests to dramatically increase.

The USA faces other issues, rising fascism and socialism movements forming from the Second Capital Storming which saw hundreds being shot by police due to the attendance of the President and Vice President for a vote on the use of guns. Groups have already taken up arms in America, with a civil war now seeking likely, USA military numbers have been bolstered to combat insurgents across the nation while peacekeepers arrive from across the globe to try to stabilise the region.

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The Balkan Daily© is a government-funded newspaper. All information is checked and proven to be truthful by independent sources, if you have inquiries please contact BalkanDailyNews.com@BFgov.

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[The King Isle]

Today The Kingmen Government officially announced that its looking for Countries to trade with, The King Isle has fresh water and lots of sheep, we request trade with anyone except our enemies.
- the Kingmen Government

[The Democratic Republic of Nytoa]

Atrea Times UV-I pandemic ends! Bomb detonates in Atrean suburb 12 people injured none dead.

Earlier this week UV-I stopped as it appears quarntine policies caused the virus to die out. An estimated 23 people died before the pandemic came to an end. This has been considered a miracel by medical proffesionals the only remaining samples are stored inside of secure labs in unihabited Mongolian areas.

Today in an Atrean suburb a bomb blew up in the town square 12 people were injured it unkown who set up the bomb but it is supected by the police that the SNI and Nytoan Mafia had something to do with it as it blew up near a judges home. The judge named Juliat Mckenny sentenced a major mafia leader who was suspeced of over 28 crimes including money laundering, murderer, bribery and kidnapping. Juliat Mckenny was one of the injured during the attack.

Ad: Vault Tech Offreing spaces in the bunkers for 40% off only 3425 dollars.
Vault Tech secure your future!

[Janpia]

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Union of Party Members Committee to oust the People's Marshal

The Union of Party Members Committee (UPMC) has submitted a proposal to the Party Central which dictates the removal of Kemelivsky Paleovich from the office. In accordance to A.IV-S.VIII of the Janpian constitution, the People's Marshal will only be removed by a majority vote from the Party Members and the Party Central.

The Party Central has declared the proposal as legal, and been submitted to the podium for voting. The following reasons for the said removal is:
- Influenced and acted upon orders from foreign powers in the matters of international affairs
- Accepted bribes from JURIC and the Public Marshals
- Denied the release of JURIC files. Thus, a violation from the Article II. of the Janpian constitution.

Article II excerpt:
"Every citizen is granted with the right to freedom of speech and expression, freedom of assembly, association, and demonstration, the right to petition, the free exercise of religion, a right of basic necessities, the right to travel and the right to information on matters of public concern."

The People's Marshal stated that the allegations are false, and he is ready to cooperate in the coming investigations. He also stated that the allegations are politically motivated, and it is part of the plot from the opposition. Furthermore, he acted upon the best interest of the Revolution, and to strengthen relations with other nations.

--

The trial is set on the next session of the Party Central. This will be followed up by 3 more hearings before voting.

[Ellinika Nisia]

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||A Balkan Federation Company||January 5th, 2041.||

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Second American Civil War Breaks Out!
Wrote by Various Reporters


Current Map of the Conflict, Dark Blue= Government, Yellow= Independence Movements, Red= Socialists and Light Blue= Fascists.

Within the last few hours, hundreds of thousands have taken up arms across the United States against the government and begun succeeding from the nation. This follows increased socialist, fascist and independence movements across the nation due to many factors, mainly the economic crisis that hit North America and the recent second capitol storming massacre that killed at least 200. Currently, the sides are the following: The Republics of America, The Empire of The States, The United States, Texas, California, Cascadia, Alaska and various other independence groups. NATO and the European Military Alliance has quickly begun extracting all nuclear assets from the region, giving them to multiple member nations and allies, adding countless new nuclear powers into the world and shattering the power of China and Russia in Eurasia.

Military forces of the United States have roughly 1,800,000 active as of now, while the combined forces of the rebellion have 3,400,000 active and many independence factions have reportedly been working together to secure their goals. Other reports of Co-operation have been of the Republics of America, Texas, California and Cascadia organising their forces to kick out the United States Military from the coast. Socialists are currently sieging major cities on the coast, while fascists have so far failed to take more of the south due to multiple factions trying to defeat the new “Empire”.

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The Balkan Daily© is a government-funded newspaper. All information is checked and proven to be truthful by independent sources, if you have inquiries please contact BalkanDailyNews.com@BFgov.

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[The Democratic Republic of Nytoa]

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(Image)

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||A Balkan Federation Company||January 5th, 2041.||

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Second American Civil War Breaks Out!
Wrote by Various Reporters

(Image)
Current Map of the Conflict, Dark Blue= Government, Yellow= Independence Movements, Red= Socialists and Light Blue= Fascists.

Within the last few hours, hundreds of thousands have taken up arms across the United States against the government and begun succeeding from the nation. This follows increased socialist, fascist and independence movements across the nation due to many factors, mainly the economic crisis that hit North America and the recent second capitol storming massacre that killed at least 200. Currently, the sides are the following: The Republics of America, The Empire of The States, The United States, Texas, California, Cascadia, Alaska and various other independence groups. NATO and the European Military Alliance has quickly begun extracting all nuclear assets from the region, giving them to multiple member nations and allies, adding countless new nuclear powers into the world and shattering the power of China and Russia in Eurasia.

Military forces of the United States have roughly 1,800,000 active as of now, while the combined forces of the rebellion have 3,400,000 active and many independence factions have reportedly been working together to secure their goals. Other reports of Co-operation have been of the Republics of America, Texas, California and Cascadia organising their forces to kick out the United States Military from the coast. Socialists are currently sieging major cities on the coast, while fascists have so far failed to take more of the south due to multiple factions trying to defeat the new “Empire”.

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The Balkan Daily© is a government-funded newspaper. All information is checked and proven to be truthful by independent sources, if you have inquiries please contact BalkanDailyNews.com@BFgov.

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On a 100% unrelated note Nytoa has taken the Dominican Republic and Haiti, using an internationally recognized ballot from 2013 where both nations voted to join Nytoa with a diaster leading to the fall of the goverment in both countries. 120,000 soldiers have been stationed on the island already with 280k more being sent across the ocean. Using military airstrips from both countries they have sent 123 bombers, 67 fighters and 23 interceptors along with AA defenses 18 corvettes 12 destroyers 8 cruisers one aircraft carrier and 18 amphibious craft have been sent to the island and are expected to come in 3 weeks.
SIC: Nytoan generals begin drawing up plans for the invasion of Florida planning to take out the fascists and destroy most fascist forces.
OOC: What are the capitals of all the factions of the war?

[Ellinika Nisia]

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(Image)

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||A Balkan Federation Company||January 5th, 2041.||

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Second American Civil War Breaks Out!
Wrote by Various Reporters

(Image)
Current Map of the Conflict, Dark Blue= Government, Yellow= Independence Movements, Red= Socialists and Light Blue= Fascists.

Within the last few hours, hundreds of thousands have taken up arms across the United States against the government and begun succeeding from the nation. This follows increased socialist, fascist and independence movements across the nation due to many factors, mainly the economic crisis that hit North America and the recent second capitol storming massacre that killed at least 200. Currently, the sides are the following: The Republics of America, The Empire of The States, The United States, Texas, California, Cascadia, Alaska and various other independence groups. NATO and the European Military Alliance has quickly begun extracting all nuclear assets from the region, giving them to multiple member nations and allies, adding countless new nuclear powers into the world and shattering the power of China and Russia in Eurasia.

Military forces of the United States have roughly 1,800,000 active as of now, while the combined forces of the rebellion have 3,400,000 active and many independence factions have reportedly been working together to secure their goals. Other reports of Co-operation have been of the Republics of America, Texas, California and Cascadia organising their forces to kick out the United States Military from the coast. Socialists are currently sieging major cities on the coast, while fascists have so far failed to take more of the south due to multiple factions trying to defeat the new “Empire”.

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The Balkan Daily© is a government-funded newspaper. All information is checked and proven to be truthful by independent sources, if you have inquiries please contact BalkanDailyNews.com@BFgov.

---

On a 100% unrelated note Nytoa has taken the Dominican Republic and Haiti, using an internationally recognized ballot from 2013 where both nations voted to join Nytoa with a diaster leading to the fall of the goverment in both countries. 120,000 soldiers have been stationed on the island already with 280k more being sent across the ocean. Using military airstrips from both countries they have sent 123 bombers, 67 fighters and 23 interceptors along with AA defenses 18 corvettes 12 destroyers 8 cruisers one aircraft carrier and 18 amphibious craft have been sent to the island and are expected to come in 3 weeks.
SIC: Nytoan generals begin drawing up plans for the invasion of Florida planning to take out the fascists and destroy most fascist forces.
OOC: What are the capitals of all the factions of the war?

OOC: Not established, also by invasion of Florida, do you mean expansion or liberation?

[The Democratic Republic of Nytoa]

On a 100% unrelated note Nytoa has taken the Dominican Republic and Haiti, using an internationally recognized ballot from 2013 where both nations voted to join Nytoa with a diaster leading to the fall of the goverment in both countries. 120,000 soldiers have been stationed on the island already with 280k more being sent across the ocean. Using military airstrips from both countries they have sent 123 bombers, 67 fighters and 23 interceptors along with AA defenses 18 corvettes 12 destroyers 8 cruisers one aircraft carrier and 18 amphibious craft have been sent to the island and are expected to come in 3 weeks.
SIC: Nytoan generals begin drawing up plans for the invasion of Florida planning to take out the fascists and destroy most fascist forces.
OOC: What are the capitals of all the factions of the war?

OOC: Not established, also by invasion of Florida, do you mean expansion or liberation?

OOC: Havent really decided yet the plans in its very early stages

[Ellinika Nisia]

OOC: Not established, also by invasion of Florida, do you mean expansion or liberation?

OOC: Havent really decided yet the plans in its very early stages

OOC: I'm only gonna allow intervention, not expansions.

[The King Isle]

Today as Tensions between Communist China and The Republic of China rised, PRC threatened to send troops to RoC. Tensions were at an all time high, When Negotiations failed, that was it, PRC began immediately mobilising troops along the Coast and RoC knew they were out for blood, soon, it happened, 100,000 Chinese Troops sailed into The Republic of China or Taiwan. Today it was Decided that The King Isle would intervene against PRC, 100,000 troops from Scotland were sent to block off Chinese troops, this was unsuccessful however as China Swiftly but surely Took over Taiwan. PRC has been condemned internationally.

[The Territories of Sealand]

Sealand has decided that it will send aid to the socialist forces in the Second American Civil War, which will increase in time, while also deciding that it will join a peace conference aiming to bring peace to the Galapagos. Sealand will mainly be sending ammunition and spare parts to the USA, though it does intend to use direct military aid in the conflict in time.

[Vikanias]

| | Grand imperial March to happen on the 10th! | |

The Daily Egg

Jan 7th 2044

Jake Eggbranch

We all know that the Grand Imperial March Happens annually happens on the 10th of January (or back in the day before the Gregorian calendar change the 17th of Egguary). It’s a show of strength of the Military and Vikanias as a whole. This tradition was first recorded to happen on the 10th of January 1122. The national anthem shall be played by a mixture of Drums and flutes. A true marvel. But in breaking news people protested the March as ‘imperialistic’ and ‘racist’, these seals are from the Liberal Organization of SBI. Nobody knows what the SBI means though. The protestors were gloriously arrested and peace restored ok the streets. Remember to head to the Grand March on the 10th and get free hot chocolate. A tradition as well!

(First time doing the Daily egg in a few months >_<)

[Trenaka]

Der Münchner
The King is Dead!
Friedrich Müller
München- According to a statement released by Nymphenburg Palace, Wilhelm IV, the King of Trenaka, has died. He died of an apparent heart attack at 8:45 P.M. Before this, he was thought to have been in good health.

We are as of yet unaware when the King’s funeral will be held, and when his designated heir, Crown Prince Frederick, will assume the throne.

The King was 58.

[Untecna]

Der Münchner
The King is Dead!
Friedrich Müller
München- According to a statement released by Nymphenburg Palace, Wilhelm IV, the King of Trenaka, has died. He died of an apparent heart attack at 8:45 P.M. Before this, he was thought to have been in good health.

We are as of yet unaware when the King’s funeral will be held, and when his designated heir, Crown Prince Frederick, will assume the throne.

The King was 58.

The Untecnan Empire wishes to express its condolences, including the personal condolences of the young Emperor Yano.

[The King Isle]

Today The King Isle had another election. It was announced that The Communist party won, however The GLA will still receive Aid from The Government of The King Isle. We will not stand for Marajarbia, Meretica and South Olpen oppressing them and not allowing them to be independent and forcing them into Communism, we may be Communist, but we won't see our allies forced into a communist dictatorship that they don't want.
Emma Stuart Condemns the Coalition for removing their political freedom, We will continue the fight with the GLA and help them stabilise with the Ideals that the Galapagos people want, not some fascists ruling over them, we will continue to aid them financially as well

[Janpia]

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Impeachment trial continues.

The Party Central and the Union of Party Members Committee (UPMC) began the trials this earlier morning, accusing the People's Marshal of the following:

- Influenced and acted upon orders from foreign powers in the matters of international affairs

- Accepted bribes from JURIC and the Public Marshals

- Denied the release of JURIC files. Thus, a violation from the Article II. of the Janpian constitution.
--

Details of the first trial has been released for the public, including the video and voice recordings. The trial seems to went against PM Kemelivsky, as he was questioned about foreign influence affecting his decisions

Excerpt from the recording
PM Kemelivsky:
"I have done so, in accordance to my free will, and upon the best interest of the Revolution. Our nation have violated the treaty, staining our reputation. It is rightful for us to be punished and bear it in our honor"

Prosecutor:
"So do you admit that your decisions, which is to support and accept the NATO-GA integration, is influenced by foreign powers?"

PM Kemelivsky:
"No. Like I said, I acted upon my free will. The NATO-GA integration can create various benefits to our state. Infact, this even gets us closer to our revolutionary goals"

Prosecutor:
"Since you've acted on your free will, why didn't you consult the Party Central or the UPMC about this? Due to your actions, our stance about the integration is non-changeable, and we must fully support it"

PM Kemelivsky:
"I know all of you have watched the Sicily live meeting. So I am pretty sure, that is almost the same as consultation to the Party members. Whats been done, is done. We accepted the punishment, and atleast return our honor and reputation."

Prosecutor:
"It still does not change the fact that you haven't formally consult the Party, thus, we have to rush and make a similar announcement based on the live meeting. You do know that the announcement was frowned upon by many party members?"

PM Kemelivsky:
"What do you expect? Its a live meeting, if I make an announcement, its official immideately. Is the Party present at that time?"

Prosecutor:
"Sure its a livestream, but have you forgot that you represent the Party as a whole? Or Janpia in general? You could've declined it, and think of other options without putting our stance that some does not agree on. Do you realize that this irreplaceable stance is a major one? We contributed alot on NATO and yet--

PM Lawyer:
"Objection your honor! The prosecution is attempting to damage the PM's honor and reputation. They are also going off topic and putting out baseless personal accusations"

Judge:
"Objection sustained"

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Party condemns The King Isle

The Party has announced that it condemns TKI for undermining the peace progress on Galapagos. They expressed their shock at the King Isle Communist Party from their announcement.

"This announcement from The King Isle Communist Party truly is a disgrace. You have just announced to the workers of the world, that TKI is not willing for internationalism, and leftist solidarity. While we do not like the current situation in Galapagos, we further dislike the announcement of The King Isle that they would not support Communism in an international scale."

[Caliland]

The Wilsonville Times

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Wednesday, January 5, 2022

Ferrelli Pizzas Catch Fire, Antonelli Suspected

WILSONVILLE- During their busiest time of day, the pizzas at Ferrelli's Pizzeria caught fire. An arson investigation revealed that they had been laced with gasoline, and rigged to ignite upon being put in an oven. Tony Ferrelli reportedly exclaimed "Mamma mia!" as the pizzas burned. Thus far, all evidence points to rival pizzeria owner Eddie Antonelli. Unconfirmed reports suggest Antonelli was indeed responsible for the fires. Tony Ferrelli is now planning to trike back, say sources close to him. An investigation has revealed that Mr. Ferrelli has acquired a helicopter, a crane, and a caravan, all within a 2-day period. This is indicative of a revenge plot, or a Top Gear stunt. But more than likely a revenge plot. Only time will tell what the man has planned.

First Lady's Pregnancy Confirmed

WILSONVILLE- In a joint Tweet, President Nate Emerson and his wife, Dr. Claire Emerson-Bartlett announced that a baby is on the way. The official announcement has been met with congratulations from people close to the First Family. The couple were later seen shopping for baby things, and paint. The president later Tweeted a picture of the baby's room, with a blue wall and a pink wall, with the caption: "Guess which?" The First Lady Tweeted that they will find out whether the baby will be a boy or girl next week. Currently a betting pool is open with a total pot of $5,630, to be split between all who guessed correctly. Currently 56% say it will be a boy, and 44% say it's a girl.

Page 1

The Wilsonville Times

Wednesday, January 5, 2022

GOVERNMENT & POLITICS

Meet New Transportation Secretary Edwin Edwards

WILSONVILLE- In a historic first, the government has hired someone not American, Canadian or New Zealandian for a cabinet position. Edwin Edwards is from Meretica. In his home country, Secretary Edwards had an illustrious career. He served as Secretary of Transportation over there for almost three decades, before serving in the Meretican Senate. According to Meretican newspaper The Federal Gazette, Secretary Edwards approved and coordinated funds to build 60,000 miles of roads, 15,000 miles of rail lines, and 67 canals. He also streamlined environmental legislation in Meretica. President Emerson said: "I am happy to have Mr. Edwards on my team. His proven track record is exactly what we need here, and I hope he will continue his service in my government." As of yet, our reporters are trying to get a hold of Secretary Edwards for an interview.

PERSONAL ADVICE
For advice on life and love.

Dear Personal Advice Column,

I think my husband is cheating on me. He's been working late a lot, and when he comes home he goes straight to take a shower. He says it's because of work, but he works in an restaurant, where he doesn't break a sweat. Is he trying to wash off a scent? Also, this one time he came home, he smelled like perfume! I followed him once, and he was at a bar, like he was waiting for someone. Is he having an affair? He's due to go to a conference in Twin Coves soon, and I want to know if there is another woman. Should I follow him?

Advice: Although there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of those things, most of them do point of an affair. If you really think he's cheating, hire a P.I. to look into it. But don't go it alone, if you do, and he's innocent, it won't look good.
Edit: The man in question turned out to be involved with the Ferrelli mob. Whether that is worse than an affair or not, I leave to you to decide.

Page 2

The Wilsonville Times

Wednesday, January 5, 2022

JOB OFFERS

North Coast University
Professor of Physics wanted. Must be a real professor.
Call: 555-867-5309

National Crash Test Facility
Seeking dummy, stupid enough to risk life and limb for money. Test crash dummy positions pay well.
Call: 555-CRASH-TEST

Ferrelli's Pizzeria
Crane operator. Criminal record, not a problem.
Go to Ferrelli's Pizzeria, 130 Foster Rd. Wilsonville

TRAVEL

New Cruise Line Announced

WILSONVILLE- Calilandian Cruises just unveiled plans for a pacific cruise line to South America. The company's new ship the Poseidon will be the flagship of the line, with it's all new, state-of-the-art accommodations, amenities and service. Captain Isce Inkalott said of the ship: "She's unsinkable, a true marvel of nautical technology". The Poseidon is expected to start service later this month, ferrying winter-escaping vacationers to the sun-drenched coast of South America. At press time, the cruise line was denying any comparisons to Titanic, stating that Leonardo DeCaprio was banned from the ship so as not to jinx it.

Page 3

The Wilsonville Times

Wednesday, January 5, 2022

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Electric Scooters Are Menaces

By: Driva Carr

Menaces. Hazards. Outright dangers. Threats to public safety. All of these things describe the latest fad in millennial transportation: electric scooters. They are littered haphazardly on the streets of our cities, where cyclists, pedestrians, and even cars must swerve to avoid them, putting themselves and others in danger. What's more THEY EXPLODE. WHY THE HECK ARE WE LETTING PEOPLE RIDE AROUND ON BOMBS! Sorry, got a little carried away. The exploding batteries was hoverboards wasn't it? Still, people are putting themselves in danger by using these things. The solution, get a car.

"Football" Isn't Real Football

By: An anonymous Englishman who has now fled Caliland

"Football" is, in America and Caliland, not football. For one, you don't use your feet. For another, the whole premise is far form real football. Confusing lines, turns, and idiotic head-bashing are not proper football. Football is the civilized world, is a dignified sport wherein the player's feet are actually used. I speak of course of the sport you call "soccer". Why your nations do not use the proper terminology and embrace this fine sport remain beyond me, but one thing is sure, until they do, they will remain the laughing stock of the rest of the world.

Page 4

[Meretica]

Meet New Transportation Secretary Edwin Edwards

WILSONVILLE- In a historic first, the government has hired someone not American, Canadian or New Zealandian for a cabinet position. Edwin Edwards is from Meretica. In his home country, Secretary Edwards had an illustrious career. He served as Secretary of Transportation over there for almost three decades, before serving in the Meretican Senate. According to Meretican newspaper The Federal Gazette, Secretary Edwards approved and coordinated funds to build 60,000 miles of roads, 15,000 miles of rail lines, and 67 canals. He also streamlined environmental legislation in Meretica. President Emerson said: "I am happy to have Mr. Edwards on my team. His proven track record is exactly what we need here, and I hope he will continue his service in my government." As of yet, our reporters are trying to get a hold of Secretary Edwards for an interview.

A statement is issued from Secretary Edwards's office:

At this time, I am devoting myself solely to handling the infrastructure affairs of the nation. After plans are made, submitted, and approved, I will be willing to do some interviews. For now, I would like to focus on rebuilding the nation.

[Hintuwan]

Der Münchner
The King is Dead!
Friedrich Müller
München- According to a statement released by Nymphenburg Palace, Wilhelm IV, the King of Trenaka, has died. He died of an apparent heart attack at 8:45 P.M. Before this, he was thought to have been in good health.

We are as of yet unaware when the King’s funeral will be held, and when his designated heir, Crown Prince Frederick, will assume the throne.

The King was 58.

Office of the President, Commonwealth of Hintuwan FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE | 2022 | January 5th On behalf of the Hintuwani people, I extend my deep condolences to Crown Prince Frederick on the passing of his beloved father, Wilhelm IV, King of Trenaka. We share the grief of the Trenakan people in this period of bereavement and we pray for the eternal repose of King Wilhelm's soul. We also pray for the Royal Family of Trenaka for them to find strength in this time of mourning. Signed, Henry Theodore Bulalacao Commonwealth President Hintuwan

[Ellinika Nisia]

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The Federation of European Nations

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The PRC has decades worth of human rights violations, infringement on freedom of speech and media, no democratic votes and the warmongering threats spread out over the decades that has not been adequately responded to by any International organisation or nation/state.

With the US in turmoil, we announce that the continent of Europe shall stand up to China, with many other nations across the planet to hopefully, free the lives of the billion currently stuck under this dictatorship. The following actions are to be taken,

1. All Trade from China is to end, materials from other states will be utilised to recover the costs of this action.
1A. Any Chinese Trade/Cargo Vessels will be allowed to complete their current route, before being sent back.

2. Diplomatic ties with the PRC are to end, with ambassadors being recalled.
2A. Chinese Diplomats will be given one week to leave their embassies.

3. The Republic of China, or Taiwan, will be recognised instead of the PRC.
3A. A Proposal to give ROC the UN seat will be presented to the UN.
3B. The PRC will be charged with genocide, related to the Xinjiang Autonomous Region.

4. Chinese Armed Forces will now be forcefully removed from other countries land, waters and airspace should a violation occur.
4A. Chinese Military Assets, located in this bill’s signatories, will be seized.

SIGNED: European Federation, Canada, East African Federation, Korea, Japan, Philippines, Egypt, Turkey, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, India, Bhutan, Nepal, New Cape, Australia, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, Malaysia, Singapore, Mexico, Honduras, El Salvador, Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, Thailand and Cambodia.

[Hintuwan]

Today The Kingmen Government officially announced that its looking for Countries to trade with, The King Isle has fresh water and lots of sheep, we request trade with anyone except our enemies.
- the Kingmen Government

The Commonwealth of Hintuwan is willing to share its bountiful supply of tropical fruits with the Kingmen Government in exchange for lower prices on sheep sales.

We propose a mutual detariffication treaty on these specific goods so that we will both be able to prosper further.

[Trenaka]

Die Münchner
The capital area's finest newspaper since 1947!
Funeral date for the late King, coronation ceremony for Crown Prince Frederick announced
January 6, 2022

München- A statement was just released from Nymphenburg Palace and the Münchner Residenz, stating that the late King Wilhelm IV would receive a state funeral on January 8th, and the new King would be coronated on January 9th.

The current funeral plans say that the late King's casket would be carried by horse-drawn carriage to the Münchner Residenz, the parliament building, where he would lie in state for a week. After that, his body would be buried at the Royal Cemetery in Munich. The day after, Crown Prince Frederick will assume the crown and the title of King at the Münchner Residenz, and would officially open next week's Parliament session the next morning. The coronation would be open to the public and to foreign dignitaries, who could watch from the public viewing gallery in the Parliamentary chamber.

President Schmidt has also released a statement concerning the King's death, expressing his condolences to the Royal Family and expressing hope for the new King.