GREAT BOUNTIFUL EMPIRE OF THE UNITED TURTLES, MUSHROOMS, AND MEN OF TURTLESHROOM
EXECUTIVE CABINET OF PEERS
IMPERIAL MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
HEADMISTRESS
TO THE RECONSTITUTED GERMAN EMPIRE AND HIS IMPERIAL MAJESTY, THE ESTEEMED KAISER AND HIS COURT:
The receipt of this letter was met by shock from the TurtleShroomian government. The Crown had planned to send me to speak in your esteemed Kaiser's court, and was instead offered a visit from His Imperial Majesty! How could we resist such an offer?
Truly, we are humbled to host His Imperial Majesty at the court of the Tsars.
To grace the Pauper's Palace with your august presence amplifies the honor and prestige of the TurtleShroomian Crown and is a fantastic PR move for our two realms. Your sincerity and deep interest in TurtleShroom and the affairs between our two nations are thrilling to my Ministry and we eagerly await your arrival.
TurtleShroom maintains one international airport at our capital at this time, with six more under construction. That airport has dirt landing strips. Consequently, if His Imperial Majesty wishes to land in TurtleShroom with more comfort than that, we advise that he take a five-seat charter plane; we have many, many thousands of military and private airstrips for his usage.
We have included the coordinates to Queen Haiz II Memorial Airport, our international hub. We have also included all of the airstrips and military bases within five hundred miles of Jonesboro, our capital city. We hope that His Imperial Majesty can coordinate with us in order to ensure security and escorts for his safe passage through TurtleShroom.
In accordance with tradition and TS law, we humbly ask that any officials that are not the Kaiser and his family submit their body measurements. Whereas your Emperor and family may wear their ceremonial regalia, TurtleShroomian law has foreign diplomats and foreign actors, absent the VIP, to wear powder blue robes.
For diplomats, this is the symbol of their immunity. For foreign actors, this is a symbol of their sincerity and allows TurtleShroomian security services to spot and assist them in protecting the VIP.
We ask that His Imperial Majesty wear his full ceremonial regalia when meeting in the Tsars' court. All TurtleShroomers in official peacetime capacity wear their full ceremonial dress on their daily work- you will see our Spiritual Advisor, a Catholic cardinal (we are Protestant), in his choir dress -and in kind, we would appreciate your esteemed Kaiser to reciprocate this gesture.
We issue one warning. You will witness a spectacle that does not exist in your revived White Germany.
Holding court and accepting your presence, you will see three Sovereign Emperors. One Tsar is a turtle, one Tsar is a mushroom, and one Tsar is a human. This is not a typo.
The turtle will talk to you. The fungus will speak.
In TurtleShroom, these non-humans are equal under TurtleShroomian law, and while the God-given Dominion of Man is recognized as He commands, and the Tsars will submit accordingly, understand that the manners and interactions between the non-human Sovereign Emperors should not vary based on species. We expect any foreign visitor to honor and afford to the Tsardom the dignity and majesty of the office he holds, by consent of the governed.
TurtleShroomian turtles come in all varieties and colors; they are approximately between three and six feet long, with a neck height reaching, depending on the size of their carapace, between three and five feet long. Tortoises with domed shells can have a shell height of up to five feet, but your average turtle is two feet in height.
TurtleShroomian mushrooms look exactly what you think a mushroom's fruiting body should look like, though they have eyes and a mouth. TurtleShroomian mushrooms are usually four to five, normally five, feet in height. They achieve locomotion through floating three inches off the ground and, in lieu of hands, use weak telekinesis to pick up objects and anchor themselves when force is applied. They have eyes and a mouth, but no tongue or other organs. They eat by decomposition in the same way as a normal fungus.
In bringing your men- these will be the ones in robes -know that gun laws in TurtleShroom focus almost solely on criminal background checks and requiring sound mind. You are free to bring automated weapons, but you will be protected by the Empire's Chancellery Guard- these guard the Tsars themselves -and escorted by the Ministry of Domestic Affairs' Bureau of Nomadic Data.
Unless you land in Queen Haiz II Memorial Airport, you will have to take a bus or a train to the capital. No airstrip has a direct connection to our only highways. TurtleShroom has very, very few paved roads outside of its cities, and buses are equipped to handle dirt or gravel roads without bouncing and discomfort. It will feel like a new car on a newly paved highway.
Our trains are extremely comfortable, being designed for daily use by over a billion creatures.
In either circumstance, you will be afforded government vehicles, bulletproof and secured for your safety and luxury. These obviously have fancier seats and comfort than the average TurtleShroomian vehicle.
We will welcome you with the best TurtleShroom has to offer, treating your esteemed Kaiser, his family, and his court with the Dixie hospitality and Slavic strength that we have come to be recognized for.
God bless you and enjoy your travels. God be with you. Bless your Empire and mine.
-HER GOSPODZHA, BOYARINA SUE PREOBRAZHENSKY, HEADMISTRESS OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS OF THE GREAT BOUNTIFUL EMPIRE OF THE UNITED TURTLES, MUSHROOMS, AND MEN OF TURTLESHROOM
P.S.: TurtleShroom has prohibition of alcohol. Absolutely no alcohol. No exceptions. We know that a German gentleman loves a huge stein of beer for dinner, but nothing of the sort exists here.
P.S.S.: As we await the meeting between our Emperors, please be free to consider sending a representative to reside in our Legation Quarter, to further these diplomatic ties and increase friendship between the Great Bountiful Empire and the German Reich.