Metsurár Sharinálla
متسورر شرینللا
The Motherland's Herald
DomesticAn exiled Prince, returned52 years have passed since our Revolution. As the people ceased control of their state, the Maravirr dynasty, and its decadent head, Arathárr Elinel III, fled across the border into the morally empty Pontic Kingdom. Elinel died on Pontic soil, his son died there too; never once renouncing their promise to overthrow the people's state. The Maravirr dynasty has been vocal and public in its criticisms of our state and, traditionally, always shown a united front to the world.
In the Armenia province, a small border town etches out a living. The town of Yeghegnavan is usually peaceful, the sounds of birds chirping and the light breeze broken only by the Church bells of the local Christian population. This morning, however, the town's population doubled as the national media swarmed the hamlet. According to a Pontic Police report, sourced by this paper, the Maravirr family reported the disappearance of the former Emperor's great-grandson. Riding across the border on a white horse, saluted by the local border guards, Prince Arhél Maravirr defected. For the young prince, the first time he saw his homeland was from the saddle of his horse - like his namesake who established the homeland of our people a millenium ago.
In a meeting with local Government representatives, who mediated a dialogue with the Supreme Leader, Prince Arhél renounced Pontic Citizenship and, under the law of return, was granted Karthspiri Citizenship in its place. However, even though the Prince is probably the purest specimen of Karthspiri blood in existence, under the law of return, he must serve in the Armed Forces for a period of 18 months. According to leaked media reports, he's been assigned to the newly formed, elite "Karthjalárr Force" - details of which are sketchy as best but the force is thought to be part of a new Karthspiri Foreign Policy approach.
Dawn raids in AlinairThe sun rose over the city of Alinair and flocks of birds filled the sky. In the Arab quarters of the city, however, the populace were not woken by the call to prayer. Instead, the sounds of sirens filled the bazaars and streets of Arab neighbourhoods. 118 arrests, 1300 pieces of contraband seized but 0 agents of the state harmed. As the threat from anti-Karthspiri insurgents has grown in the region, police tactics have not only kept up but outpaced those of the dissidents. We all remember the blood which washed through certain neighbourhoods in the 2010s but, nowadays, being a Police Officer in Alinair is safer than even being a Primary School teacher. That is, perhaps, somewhat exaggerated.
What isn't exaggerated is the fact that we're having success after success in quelling unrest in the new territories and that the blood cost of doing so is now next to none. Perhaps, for both Arabs and Karthspiri, the possibility for peace may be drawing closer.
InternationalAn apology to Mr. TsuSeveral editions previous, this paper published an opinion piece outlining why we should support green technology but stressing that petroleum has uses other than energy and should be used more responsibly and not written off. Despite this, the piece appears to have caused considerable offence to a certain "Mr. Tsu" and for that we apologise.
However, we would like to remind Mr. Tsu that arrogance is no way to respond to offence. In his response, Mr. Tsu flaunted his technology and lambasted our nation with mockeries about how he does not even wish to sell us his technology. We would like to remind Mr. Tsu that our nation has built dams which would make even the most determined beaver stop in awe and solar farms so expansive and advanced that there's slightly less of the sun to go around for everyone else. For stealing your sun, rest of the world, we also dearly apologise.
Rál Karai Karthspirethi announce new JihadThe Rál Karai Karthspirethi (RKK), or Loyal Karthspiri Front in English, are an organisation dedicated to the protection and advancement of the rights and economic status of ethnic Karthspiri living in Afghanistan. In the Central Asian nation, the southern provinces of Herat, Farah, Nimruz, Helmand and Quandahar all have Karthspiri majorities with Karthspiri minorities present in almost every other province. Whilst very strong in some provinces, Karthspiri only make up around a quarter of Afghanistan's population.
In what it sees as the increasing oppression of ethnic Karthspiri, for varied reasons, the RKK has announced a new Jihad against the Afghani state and its allies with the aim of securing full independence for the provinces of Herat, Farah, Nimruz, Helmand and Quandahar in a new Karthspiri ethnostate. In its first major offensive, the RKK has ceased control of most Government military installations in these provinces and has begun to dig in and fortify; inviting Karthspiri from across Afghanistan into the territory to ensure their safety.
In a press release by the Foreign Ministry of the Islamic Republic of Karthspire, the Government urged the RKK to return to negotiations with the Afghan Government stating, "we understand the pressures you, our brothers, face in your land but there is no need to spill your blood to grasp justice and freedom."
This narrative runs contrary to what many international organisations and journalists are reporting with the RKK alleged to be using Karthspiri weapon systems; likely provided by either the Government themselves or by wealthy benefactors inside the nation.
Other:- Amy Schumer added to list of individuals prohibited from entering the country. Deemed too "haram", when asked for justification, the Foreign Ministry spokeswoman just shouted "my vagina" and looked around, awaiting laughter.
- Pictures of Ajatollá Detsirél's new Akita puppy go viral on Twitter Search Results #SupremeLeaderofCutespire