President In Recovery, Assassin Prosecuted
July 3, 1999
The President, recovering at his vacation home.
On the 18th of June, President Mohammad Mohammad was subject to vicious attack. When giving a speech in Tehran, three shots rung out from the crowd. One missed and two hit the president in his gut before he was dragged away by guards. The assailant has been identified as a 28-year old Indian man named Gul Humar, who continuously cited his "belly burning" as justification for his vile attack during interrogation.
The president, after a lengthy series of medical treatments which backed up Dar al-Funun medical for a day, has woken from his coma and is currently in recovery. He is recovering in his vacation home at Babolsar, and has voiced his approval for a provisional government headed by compromise Prime Minister Hassan Hassan.
Oddly enough, before his departure he voiced his specific insistence on the expansion of resource exploitation subsidies. Since years of consortium lobbying have failed to change his mind on this topic, it is unknown what forced his hand. Nevertheless, out of respect for the man the motion has passed Majiles-e Avali. When questioned on his justification he stated:
I saw allah. And he told me to promote the free market.
Police are working hard on bringing any possible conspirators with Humar to justice. Right-wing factions state that the assasination was an inevitable extension of jihad, attempting to further dogged ideology in the face of tragedy. While the president's party has not commented on the conspiracies, individual members, such as Hassan Hassan himself have suggested their own theories, specifically that Humar's Punjabi nationalist sympathies played a part in his actions.
Written by Ali-Akbar Taqizadeh