“She birthed herself from a question.
a simple question of
What we are missing
What we are blind to
What we can begin to see.
It is from these waters that we have been given glory.
It is from these waters that we have been given sight.
It is from these waters, these sacred waters, that we have been given
a gift
A gift so powerful that it brings the stoic to bliss and awe
A gift so awakening that it brings the wise to their knees in new light
A gift so pure that it brings the cruel a sense of innocence
And this gift has a name
She is the child of the waters, born to fill our mind and soul
She is the echo of our mortality, showing us the limits of reality
She is vision
She is radiance
Her name
Is Transcendence.”
The First Ucapan of the Tuntutan Roh
Circa 950 BCE, Upasamada Chaumai Boodsabaan
Transcribed in the Grand Library of The Solustheris, translated circa 630 CE
a simple question of
What we are missing
What we are blind to
What we can begin to see.
It is from these waters that we have been given glory.
It is from these waters that we have been given sight.
It is from these waters, these sacred waters, that we have been given
a gift
A gift so powerful that it brings the stoic to bliss and awe
A gift so awakening that it brings the wise to their knees in new light
A gift so pure that it brings the cruel a sense of innocence
And this gift has a name
She is the child of the waters, born to fill our mind and soul
She is the echo of our mortality, showing us the limits of reality
She is vision
She is radiance
Her name
Is Transcendence.”
The First Ucapan of the Tuntutan Roh
Circa 950 BCE, Upasamada Chaumai Boodsabaan
Transcribed in the Grand Library of The Solustheris, translated circa 630 CE
Midday
The Grand Gereja of Kopiona Poi
Kopiona Poi, Pulau Keramat
August 7th, 1956
If Urassaya was going to be honest with herself, she would understand why her first impression to new members of the order always seems to align itself in a general idea of intimidation.
When she was still an adolescent, only just being admitted as a Bhikkhuni, there had always been some general consensus on what an Upasamada was, foremost being an expectation of harmonious energy. The thought of the Upasamada was supposed to represent a unifying entity to the Gereja, one who could effectively communicate on all fronts a peaceful message of ascension. Most certainly, almost everyone had seen the future matriarch of the order to be one with a somewhat whimsical attitude to life,this always being revered by Urassaya’s peers as a sign of a heightened attunement to transcendent thought. To be frank, Urassaya thought this was all utter bullshit.
She didn’t become the Upasamada because she spoke in a fanciful tone to every worshipper lucky enough to seek audience, or advocated great speeches on love and harmony, because, at least in her own words, she wasn’t a complete and utter moron. No, Urassaya took pride in the fact that her title came from her competition shying down with the mere clench of a fist, and a raised eyebrow. She was honored to know that her authority came from direct and brutal actions against those who would diminish her, squashing dissent against her own empowerment within the order with succinct responses and brutal asseverations. She knew that the best Upasamada, those who were truly remembered, were able to wield authority.
It was this knowledge, and this directive, that led her to where she sat now, within hallowed wood and ivory walls of the Grand Gereja, a monument to the N’nhivara and all that it encompassed. Against a carefully woven panang floor mat, and the soft glow of candlelight illuminating the green jasper encarved into the wall in an array of floral allure, the chamber would be described as peaceful at any other day, the gentle twang of a Chakhe resonating from somewhere within the sacred halls. This soft tranquility was broken by the businessman in front of her, beads of sweat streaming down his face, and nervous eyes looking to every direction but towards her own, the tension palpable as he struggled to stay composed in comparison to her still, impassive form. She didn’t care to get his name, he would gone soon enough that it didn’t matter to deal with pleasantries, but it was a far too familiar environment, one that evoked a standard response, feeling almost rehearsed at this point.
“I’m confident you know why you’ve been asked to come here. It is not common for the Upasamada to have to be bothered with to deal with ‘Kwai’ who don't seem to be able to respect the limitations and formalities that come with the gift of the Melangkah. And yet, it’s not only the disgrace of overindulgence that I am here for, isn’t it?”
She makes sure to lower the pitch of her voice for her query, the glimmer of fondness and hospitality that had been peppered into her first words diminished as to further accentuate her frustration, and more importantly, her irritation with the man opposite to her, which seems to hold significant enough of an effect, if the way he flinched at the shift in her tone would be any indication. He seems to almost shrink upon himself, stammering illegibly some excuse or the other as he tightens his grip on his pant leg, hands shaking violently. She wonders what runs through his mind, the gentle melody of the Chakhe conspicuous against his meaningless rambling, and if it’s actually regret, or just the rapid search for an excuse to escape the question.
“Isn’t it?”
She knows the power that words can hold, and one subset of this comes in a simple treat of repetition, a tone slightly more accusatory, a gaze sharper, the terracotta shikora in her hand making a satisfying clink against a glass table, the sound enough to make the accused jump slightly, lips tightly sealed as he looks straight at her, something akin to terror consumed in his expression. She decides against pushing further, simply choosing to raise an eyebrow, a composured, quiet nod permitting his response, with the threat of action if she didn’t happen to receive a satisfying answer.
“Please. Please it was a mistake, I just wanted her to calm down, she’s always been so loud and I thought that she would finally just, be still if I gave her a little! I never meant for any of this to happen, I swear!”
The response is laden with a tear-choked voice and wavering eyes, the aura of guilt almost visible as his knuckles turn bone white, and it takes a significant chunk of willpower to keep herself from a bark of condescending laughter, disbelief in how incredulously pathetic the excuse was. She lets herself exude a short exhale, loud enough to express some disappointment, and takes to slowly rising, the folds of her tricivara a loud crimson in the dimly lit chamber.
“You wish to blame this on a simple mistake? An accident, when every moment you’ve stepped inside this sacred Gereja, we have reminded you on the sanctity of the gifts we provide?”
She decides it most imposing to begin to approach him, a hand on his shoulder tight and crushing as she looks beyond him, ignoring his shaky frame to instead take note at the chipped wooden flooring, and the fading ivory that adorns the walls of the room. She can tell, the way he tenses as her grip only solidifies, that she’s on the verge of breaking any resistance left in this fragile, shameful halfwit.
“Each time, a promise to follow the Melangkah, for only your mind, only your body, as we spend painstaking hours trying to ensure your transcendence? No, Kwai, this is not the work of a simple mistake, but willful negligence, incompetence truly, that has led not to your own ill health, no, but instead the Runtuh of your only daughter. And now she sits in our infirmaries, already fallen below any chance of redeemability.”
Tears flow freely down his face, barely concealed sobs escaping trembling lips as she watches the weight of what he’d done begin to truly set upon him. She hardly feels sympathetic for the man, knowing fully well that the Order had warned him, with every purchase made, that the dosage was curated specifically for his consumption only, and that under no circumstances should it be provided to another, the threat of punishment made clear. Punishment was emphasized, especially if this transgression would lead to the Runtuh of another. Urassaya knows that her task here isn’t to simply break the man’s spirit, a task quite easily completed, but instead ensure that he could serve as both a lesson to those who would even dare to question the guidance of the Bhikkhuni, and a martyr willing to redeem himself, regardless of the cost. She leans in now, grabbing his jaw as to meet eye to eye, knowing that her gaze is a steel dagger against his watery, bloodshot vision.
“And it’s all your fault.”
Regardless of how many times Urassaya has seen it, there’s still something innately enthralling at watching the barriers a guilty soul puts up come crashing down entirely. She releases her grasp on his maw, only to watch him immediately break into a raucous wail, hands pressed against his face as he tries to hide the stream of tears and runny snot as any composure he had left shattered. Knowing it best to allow him to ride through the overwhelming sorrow rather than try and interrupt, she takes instead to pace back to her position on the mat across from him, tuning out the cacophonous whining as the floor zither plays louder, an attempt to mask the emotional outburst from disturbing more of the sanctum. And in this moment, where some may feel shame at bringing a grieving father to such vulnerability, and where others could embrace themselves in some idea of pride at having this sense of power over the spectrum of emotion, Urassaya can’t help but feel disappointed.
As much as she deviates from the aire of kindness that many had grown to anticipate for those who fill the role of Upasamada, ‘As if they’d seemingly forgotten the unbridled pride Munissara Arahma had in her outcry to storm the royal palace’ a biting note plays in the back of her mind, she knows that actions like this will never lead her to be immortalized. While the names and deeds of every Upasamada are immortalized in text, very few are given shrines, usually reserved to those who manage to compile a Tuntutan, or are in some way responsible for the establishment of a grand Gereja, like her predecessor. It rang bitter in her mouth to compare their successes to her own, and where many praised her successes in the journey to soothe the gaze of the Membantu Emas, it still wasn’t enough. She knew even here, in her consistent efforts to kill the habits of abuse within the capital city, that it wouldn’t be enough, not for the form of immortality she sought. She needed something more.
The silence alerted her away from the spiral of desire, the bawls of her rather despondent companion having faded into muted hiccups, and the occasional ruffle of his suit jacket as he tries to clean away his face. Chiding herself for allowing her own turmoils to get in the way of her job, Urassaya clears her throat, audibly enough to grab the attention of the businessman, exhausted eyes turning up to meet her gaze, yet again one impassive and cold.
“It’s extremely fortunate that you had enough common sense to bring your daughter here as soon as you had, why a moment longer and I’m near confident her heart would’ve stopped. I do hope it’s quite clear that both of us know it is only fair there are repercussions to this transgression. I think it would be more than appropriate to see a sacrifice of your own, made to help benefit the N’nhivaran order in our efforts to help others reach Transcendence, and avoid becoming disparaged, as you’ve let yourself become.” She finishes this statement by pulling at the small temple bell installed as the centerpiece of the table, a metallic ring resonating from the bronze, refusing to break eye contact as her opposite suddenly begins to fumble within his pockets.
“N-no, I, ah, I completely understand. The, um, the least I can do for your forgiveness is let myself give to the benefit of the Order.” As he stammers out the half-baked apology, Urassaya watches him take out a black leather wallet, a golden threaded trim indicative of how much wealth this man seems to actually hold. “I can write a check, or, or, oh, I can get you Rigganits, I should have more than enough with me right n-”
He’s interrupted by the harsh draw of the folding door, the intricate designs layered with gold flake and mangrove wood pulled to reveal two Nakkha Uhlam, jaws a bloody red as they step into the room at tandem with one another, gauze wrapped hands clenched into fists as they silently stare down the businessman. They both spare a glance to Urassaya, a subtle smile playing on her lip to affirm his repayment. He himself falls to silence, a quiet terror in his eyes as he turns to Urassaya, pleading unnecessary as his eyes beg for mercy from the fate that becomes apparent.
“Ah, we do not require your wealth, as the N’nhivaran Order is more than content enough with the fundings we have attained from the mere loyalty of those who follow. However, to have one provide themselves as an assistant to our very own Nakkha Uhlam in their pursuit of the mastery in Hancur Silat would be quite a gracious sacrifice to make, and one I’m confident that the whole of the Order would thank you for. I believe as of now, the new initiates are currently practicing the art of dislocation, so we truly do thank you for volunteering.”
The disbelief in his eyes grows wider, whatever plea he would make stuck in his throat as he looks to the Marah Rehang, synchronized as they pull him to his feet, a short yelp of pain in response to their lack of sympathy to his current emotional state. She knows that he’s smart enough at least not to resist against the Uhlam, as any person with enough common sense to recognize the name would know that the marital bhikkhuni have a reputation of little tolerance to opposition. It’s an expression of defeat, an acceptance of the price that had come with this transgression, yet still, to Urassaya it’s not enough.
“And one more thing, before you go.” Once more, she latches onto his chin, nails digging into the fleshy cheek as a flash of panic runs across the face of the businessman, a dichotomic experience from the slow and composed grasp she held prior. “I want you to make sure everyone knows why. When people ask you what happened, tell them that this,” And with a solid twist that flourishes her tricivara, she hears the pop of his jaw, dislocated in a fashion to provide just enough of a pain shock. “ Is what is deserved of those who break the trust of faith of N’nhivara. Do you understand?” She waits for a sign of affirmation, coming in quick, terrified nods as he whimpers against her grasp. Satisfied, she twists the mandible back into place, a loud snap followed by a painful groan, releasing her own grip with a moment of distaste, noting a need to clean her hands at the nearest opportunity.
“Good.”
She takes to turn her back to the Uhlam and their victim, taking heed of the lack of struggle as the folding doors click behind her, only meager whimpers out of pain that are barely audible over the zither, now accompanied by a Kendhang and Bamboo flutes. She lifts her teacup, the Teh Manis still steaming within the terra cotta, and can’t help but note that it’s slightly too bitter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bhikkhuni Melati Jusuf Krisnan was most certainly out of his own league. With quick footsteps, and a clearly nervous expression adorning his face, he was certain that if anyone around him took the time to ask what was wrong, it would only be right for them to be nervous for the newly ordained member of the N’nhivara as well. It hadn’t even been a full week after joining the Order at Kopiona Poi before he was faced with an imposing task, being that of delivering a set of highly private documents to the Upasamada herself, the thought of which made him shudder.
Melati knew the Upasamada wasn’t a bad person. Despite her rather brusque way of approaching life, she had a reputation of still being patient and fair to those around her, and had a rather adamant dedication to the goal of providing for the city around her, with much of the Order knowing that she took to sacrificing much of her own time for the sake of progress. However, the knowledge that the Upasamada wouldn’t act in irrational cruelty didn’t keep him from feeling absolutely terrified by her entire composure, most notably in the calm and collected way she performed at every Hancur Silat tourney sparking concern on how simple it seemed for her to have a trained martial artist bawling for mercy. And now it was his task to find, and deliver the messages to her, pacing through the hallowed Gereja halls with only his breathing techniques to steel his nerves.
“Pardon, Tua Bhikkhuni Mikaere, would you happen to know where I may find the Upasamada? I am to deliver this to her.”
The elder gave a slight to indicate she recognized his presence, still plucking at her Chakhe with a milky gaze staring into nothing. As far as Melati knew, Mikaere had been at the Gereja the longest, always content to venerate and perform Melangkah in the company of her music. The others who had joined her payed the young Bhikkhuni no mind, both seemingly in the process of enjoying the fruits of their labor whilst in the formation of the small, informal Gamelan.
“Ah, is that Bhikkhuni Krisnan? I hope you are well my brother. Our venerable Upasamada is free now, and in the Glass Chamber. She seemed to finish her last meeting on a more satisfying note, if the lack of a commotion is anything to say on that.”
She finishes her thought with a chuckle, a high pitched whistling tune, as if it would alleviate the dread that overtook Melati in knowing that the Upasamada was in recuperation from having to deal with another ‘Kwai’, the likes of which rarely meant a very positive outcome for any party involved. He finishes his conversation with a meager blessing and farewell, only barely noticing her wave him off as she continues onward with her melody.
It didn’t take long for him to make his way to the Glass Chamber, which had as of recently began to establish a reputation for where the Upasamada tends to pass her judgement on the ‘Kwai’. The matriarch seemingly finds it the best environment for when ‘issues arise’, he notes sardonically when thinking of how shocking it was to watch a man be carted out of the room with a bloodied nose, blurring promises to never sell the Mulut Darah to children again. He finds himself outside the familiar folding doors, the golden imagery that depicting the depths of the Nhivaran lake, a testimony to the foundations of their faith. He hesitates, fist pressed lightly against the mangrove frame, the question of if he should wait for a more opportune environment crossing his mind. It only takes a moment to cross the idea, knowing that if the missive was time sensitive, it would only draw the ire of the Upasamada if he had relegated the urgency of the task in favor of waiting for a better temperament.
With a silent huff, he knocks once, the sound of the knuckle against the near ancient wood a resonant thud. A beat of silence, and a moment of questioning runs through on whether he should knock again.
“Come in.”
Her tone could only be described as punctual, drawing neither a melodious cheer nor a growling ire, which somehow makes it all the more intimidating for Melati, who took to trying his best to maintain some level of composure, and pull back the door.
Melati had only truly met the Upasamada once before, and after getting past the initial shock of how young she was, at least a decade between them, the one thing that would consume his image of her would be the near constant passivity. He’s seen her in public settings, the standard affair of warm smiles and a softer tone, but the truth of the dispassionate gaze that seems to fit through every moment away from the outside was something that one could hardly forget. She made an affirmative hum, the recognition of “Bhikkhuni Krisnan.” clipped and formal, as with most introductions he’s had the pleasure of receiving. Knowing better than to keep her waiting, he limited himself to the bow of his head, and an immediate presentation of the documents. A simple nod of recognition, she took immediately to breaking the seal, leaving Melati standing, almost awkwardly at the door frame, watching as she scans over the precious letters, seemingly distinct papers.
He watches nervously, wondering whether or not he was free to leave, as she poured over the first letter, the document bearing an emblem on the back, something like that of a sun and blue moon against a sky of red. Melati couldn’t have anticipated what would’ve happened next, as her hand began to shake slightly, eyes widening as she seemed to scan the letter once more, a beat of silence overwhelming the room as the Upasamada stood perfectly still. He braced himself, expecting for her to barrage him with inquiries on where she received this, or even worse an immediate call for a greater meeting, with him as a subject. He would’ve never anticipated to see her smile. He watched, mystified almost, as the impish grin grew on her face, the normally inexpressive eyes almost aglow with something he would only compare to glee, an emotion he would've never anticipated to match with the Upasamada, as she hurriedly turned to the second document, this one more worn and bearing the symbol of a hook. If Melati would describe himself as alarmed by the first sudden shift in demeanor, it could only be shock that overcame him as the Venerated Upasamada actually laughed. It was almost beautiful, the pearls of laughter accompanied the slow stop of the gamelan outside, as the Upasamada turned to Melati, a near childlike joy emanating from her entire body. She stops for a moment, as if coming to a realization as she glances between the two papers, before breaking into another moment of laughter, even louder than before, and Melati can swear he’s hearing a confused murmur of approaching Bhikkhuni approaching the door behind him. It only takes a moment for the Upasamada to compose herself, the smile no longer that of simple mirth, but something far more cunning, matching her gaze onto him.
“Bhikkhuni Krisnan, please bring me the printing set. I have responses to write.” He bowed, unsure of how to further approach the situation at hand, fully taken back by this seemingly foreign reaction to everything he had grown to anticipate. As he left the room behind him, opening the doors to the shocked expressions of the Bhikkhuni sat outside, he overheard one final statement, almost lost to him in the clutter of thoughts running through his mind.
“Oh, this will be fun.”