Theophilus Hartmann
♪ Listening Music ♪
Löwenherz Stahlfaust, Greater Aryan Reich of the Aryan Nation
June 8th, 2018 AD
A name of iron that resounded in the ears of millions - if not billions - in both awe-inspiring hope and soul-shattering dread. The monolithic incarnation of Aryan power and influence in geopolitics, the testament to the fortitude of the National Socialist ideology in the face of international adversity... the monstrous centerpiece of Ausöttlich was truly a sight for any mere eye to behold, and the steel bowels of its massive form held a space that rained down the very breaths of every man and woman within it. Such a beast was common to hosting a plethora of conventions and meetings within its breadth of the highest patriotic caliber; alas, under the glow of the midnight moon, it currently laid in a freezing and utterly hollow state.
Here, in the waxing of the night, the titan slept under the soft underlying glow of the capital city it overlooked. Here, in the chill of the lunar light, the Führer stirred amongst the ambiance of the dominion he ruled.
“Heil Stahlfaust! Long live the Führer Hartmann!”
The recited greeting echoed through the massive granite corridors of the residential quarters of the Ruhmeshalle. It was uttered from the now-pursed lips of a governmental courier who carried a vacuum-sealed report in his left and raised the national salute with his right. As the reverberations from his voice hitting the polished walls dissipated, he clutched tightly onto the file as he relaxed and came to address who he was facing in a more informal manner. It was a Sicherheitskräfte trooper of the coveted Engelsflügelverbände division - the unit assigned to protect the assets and personhood of the Führer himself. Unlike the courier in feldgrau, the SK trooper did not relax his standard position, still resting the Founding Era bolt-action rifle on his right soldier. Instead, he turned his head to merely face the courier, with the gloss of his onyx helmet clashing against the overcasted lights of the halls.
“State your name and business here.”
“Hartmut Bönsch, a package courier from the Abwehr. Here is my identification... one moment...”
The courier, while trying to not drop the file from his nervous grip, fiddled in his pockets for his identification wallet that held all the papers required to even step foot anywhere near the Ruhmeshalle. However, he needed verification again to enter the chambers of the Führer himself, and promptly handed it over to the SK trooper as needed. The guard marched forth one step and extended his left arm to grab the wallet, holding it tightly in his satin-gloved hand. With some seconds of scrutiny, the SK trooper determined that it was more than enough to enter, especially considering the signed ticket of entry directly from the Vice-Admiral of the Abwehr. In addition to this, a "Hartmut Bönsch" was already noted to be arriving from telephone, so everything seemed to be in order.
“Proper verification. Please wait for entry.”
As the trooper gave back the wallet to Hartmut, he sighed in relief. Things were supposed to be uptight here in the heart of the Reich, no doubt, but the number of guards he had encountered was astounding...
The golden doors, emblazoned with the arching Reichsadler, slowly drifted open from a single, hefty push of the guardsman. The sole objective and dictator of all men lied now only a few metres away...
“...and can you believe it? This immigrant guy from that weird Hungarian country with all the Us in the alphabet said, ‘The thai man ran to Tyran to tie ran’! The absolute disgrace of a jokester, I should have strangled him then and there-”
The boisterous and comedic voices died off once the groans of the golden doors opening to the Führer's executive chambers sounded off. Report in hand, Hartmut anxiously walked into the midst of the large room he had found himself in, his well-polished boots clapping against the equally shiny marble floor. He noticed the enormous swastika that loomed under his feet, and as he pivoted his head upwards, he saw a large array of dining tables and chairs strewn together as if there was some sort of haphazard party going on.
The seats were adorned with a variety of men, both in government and military uniforms or plain civilian clothing. In the center was the main man himself, wearing an unzipped leather jacket and exposing his iron cross that bounced with every laugh. Now, with the party mostly silenced by the courier's arrival, everyone was looking around in sly fashion, wondering what stupid events around the world were causing yet another bountiful fiasco that was of interest to Stahlfaust.
“Heil, mein Führer, of the legacy of the legendary Hartmann and-”
Hartmut's recital was cut short by a single hearty clap by Stahlfaust, who seemed to be more annoyed than angry by the courier's arrival.
“Cut the formalities short, boy. What do you have in your hand? Bring it over here.”
Snapping to action almost robotically, Hartmut dashed to give the Führer the report. The thin, transparent plastic wrap that encased the documents was stamped directly from the National Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and had a security clearance marker applied by the Abwehr as per standard security vetting to any documents addressed to the Führer himself. Stahlfaust completely disregarded all of this, ripping open the vacuum sealed report with a small switchblade on the table in front of him. He took out the papers and studied them for a brief moment, before slapping them on the table and sending up ash fallen from past smoked cigars.
“You've got to be shitting me... we're being dragged into a war?”
“Mein Führer,” a man sitting next to him said, “did the Feddies up north get fed up with your dickwaving contests of compensation?”
The entire room roared in laughter, and even Stahlfaust himself chuckled. “Nah, nah... if you're watching the international news - which barely anyone does, really - there's been some stuff going on with some Muslim peninsula going apeshit and having itself get a lovely protectorate status from a bloated left-wing empire. News at fuckin' eleven...”
“And what does that pile of papers say, huh?”
“Said leftie blob got a little too giddy with its GDP that is bigger than the entirety of this fuckin' slice of the world... decided to go dickhead-to-dickhead with our friends in the Combine.”
“Ohoh! What do you do with these leftie leaders that throw their tiny 'bits in a circle to show that they aren't all talk, huh? Throw 'em in the chambers!”
The party once against exploded in a daze of drunken laughter, with the courier laughing along as to not lose his head. The smell of tobacco rocketed into the air as well, as several men started to extinguish their cigars and cigarettes in gray ashtrays. They must have getting ready for their war positions, as evident by how many who put out their cigars were those in the iconic gray military uniforms.
“Thank you, uh...?”
“Hartmut Bönsch, mein Führer!”
“Yeah, Hartmut. Thanks for this report. Have a wine on me, yeah?”
The courier's eyes shot open in wonder. The Führer giving him something? This was something not often had with any courier!
Stahlfaust tossed up an entire bottle of wine from somewhere beneath the table, most likely from a huge stash of iconic and exquisite alcohol. He stood up and arched his back with the reports in hand, motioning at the others to get up and go as well.
“Lucky I'm not fucking drunk... you, courier! Hartmut! Go and sleep in the guest bedrooms for now, or something... I'll need you in specific to deliver something to the foreign affairs minister in the morning. Or noon. Probably afternoon.”
“What will it be, mein Führer?”
“A statement that the Reichstag magically convened and declared war... because fuck actually doing that and wasting time listening to bureaucratic bullshit, right?”