Message from smelly peasants

[Baycosa]

Official letter from the goverment of Baycosa

To: Representatives of the Treasury Council, Republic of Medieval Peasants

Dear peasants, to help your nations agriculture and prevent famine we would like to deliver better farming equipment and a detailed written intruction on the basics of "crop rotation" in exchange for the right to send political prisoners (such as our former thrice-damned so called "leaders") .

SSY
The Military Goverment of Baycosa

[Kryozerkia]

Dear Minister Kane,

Thank you for the little brushes and especially for the instructions for using and making them. They are really very useful and it makes a lot more sense now!

Signed,

Yr Friends

The Treasury Council
Republic of Medieval Peasants

Margie was dressed in a smart business suit. A note pad and pen stuck out from her left pocket. Her glasses slid down her nose as she glanced up. Her eyes were fixed on PM Kane, who stood by the window, her arm rested on the cold glass pane. "What do we want to say?"

PM Kane turned and smiled. "Let's express that we are grateful they appreciate our gift."

Margie had placed the letter on the large oak desk. She now held a pad of paper and pen in her hand that had previously been in her coat pocket. She made a quick note of it. "Anything else, Prime Minister?"

"Yes, there is. Let them know we're prepared to offer them seeds for planting. Nothing frivolous like flowers. We will supply them with seeds to grow fruits and vegetables. We'll give them the genetically modified ones, so they may enjoy exotic fruits and vegetables, which can grow in any climate."

"Won't that have a negative side-effect?"

"Two hundred and fifty years ago it did. Testing from a hundred fifty years ago, and as recent as two years so that the yields from these seeds are great and no one has experienced any negative effects. The negative effects were not passed down from the earlier generations."

Margie nodded and excused herself. She would return about 10 minutes later with a letter for the PM to review. She handed it to PM Kane and stood back, while the Prime Minister gave the letter a cursory glance.

Dear Beloved Peasants:

We are glad to hear that our instructions have aided you.

At this point we wish to offer you some seeds for you to grow in your fields. These seeds can withstand any kind of climate and produce high yields. We have a large variety we would like to offer you. With this, we would like to establish relations so that you can trade beyond your borders.

We can offer any variety of fruit or vegetable. If you tell us what you have, we can provide you with what you do not yet have.

A happy peasant is a clean and well-fed peasant.

Cheers.

Sincerely,
Right Hon. Prime Minister S. Kane

With a broad sweeping move, she signed the bottom of the letter and handed it to Margie. "There we go... and is there any further business?"

"Yes. It seems you're a godless heretic."

"Oh, the smelly King has sent me another correspondence?"

"Yes and he is quite cross with you."

"I can imagine."

Margie cleared her throat and began to read.

To the Thrice-Godless, Inimitably Satanic and Devil's-Son Treacherous Rebel-lover, "Minister" Kane:

You would disrespect My herald so? Let it be known, one does not provoke the wrath of Brolo XXXXVIII The Great without suffering the consequences! I am confident that the Lord God who oversees and protects My Throne will punish you and all your Godless, soap-filled nation appropriately for your many and heinous sins in the next life - which, should any of your people show himself in My land, you will reach very quickly!

When My two peasants arrive in your nation - it will be less than eleven months now - they will place you and yours under arrest and bring you back to face My justice, unless you repent of aiding these Godless rebels and make amends before it is too late.

By the Grace of God,

Brolo, Forty-Eighth of That Name, The Great, King of Medieval Peasants.

Throughout the reading, PM Kane couldn't help but to snicker.

At the end, she was wiping tears from her eyes. "Oh, I've never laughed so hard in my life. This King ought to be a comedy writer! Send this to that comedy show to show them what good comedy is... you know.. what is it...?"

"Wiley Weasel Wednesdays?"

"Yes, that one. They need new material."

Dear Brolo, the nth, The Great Smelly King of Medieval Peasants,

We have received your letter and are wondering, would you consider being a comedy writer?

From,
Right Hon. Prime Minister S. Kane

P.S. We'll send an escort to pick up your two peasants because we can't wait eleven months. Elections will be held in nine months.

[Tybra]

"My liege, we have received two letters regarding a certain rebellion of sorts" A man in a grey-white uniform was reading out of several reports "Their climate and situation might be useful to test that"
The last word was echoing through the large throne room. A man, his face half shaded by the bordeaux-red coloured curtain, looked up. His curled up into a faint smile. "I see" he said "the Praefectus aerarii prepare the Imperial Letter"

The uniformed man made a small bow "yes my lord we will move the way you desire"

------------------------------

Tybra Imperial Letter #23315

Smelly Peasants,
after several moments of debate we have decided to assist you in several ways.
We will send scholars specialized in geography to learn you about deposits of several types of ore and certain area suitable for medical herbs. We will alos send military instructors to educate your people about new types of warfare.
To improve your trade and income we're willing to buy your products, and supply you with medicine and education regarding food and disease.

There is however something we require from you, due to circumstances our climate isn't suitable for a certain device that requires testing that can greatly improve our nations welfare. The device is called a nuclear fusion generator, though completely harmless it's unable to work within our climate yet it should work at your location according to the Tybra Military Facility #A-6.

We hope that this can be a start of a mutual beneficial agreement.

Yours truly
Lord C, Divine Impirator and Supreme Rule of the the Holy Empire of Tybra

[Tobelade]

Ahhh... no decomposing clothing for you, then. >urp< Well, then, we DO wish to assist SOMEHOW... Perchance you mAy require some electrical lighting?.... we have much of this, we like the glow so we rip it from the homes of our victims >slobber< and power it up in our crypts... we can send a shipment of electonic lighting and battery packs by the end of the week...

[Jerryka]

Have you ever tried conditioner or deoterant? They're these great things for personal hygine!

[Boomida]

Try colonge or maybe perfume for the ladies!