Paroom News
Network
March 10, 2010
Network
March 10, 2010
Hello, I am anchorman Daniel Rhodes and this is PNN.
Get your bongs and razors ready, because TweekFest is here! The massive drug party, officially sanctioned by President Calvin North, is being held for a whole week. Partygoers can expect a myriad of substances to abuse, from your usual narcotics to your unusual aerosols.
Hundreds upon thousands of drug users from all over are attending this event held in Gabrielli Beach. For the next seven days, this part of Paroom's southern coast will be crowded with chronic lovers and crack fiends. Security there will be armed and heavy, and medical emergency teams will be on standby.
"Duuuuuuuuude! This is awesome!" said a random attendee with cocaine crystals and blood droplets on the outer portions of his nostrils. "I'm happy that the government loosened up and let us have fun. I couldn't do this back in Lazarus!"
However, not everyone was content with the public event. We interviewed one irate mistress watching from the outskirts of TweekFest.
"Deplorable!" she exclaimed. "How dare they legalize such reckless activities. Our government should be ashamed of themselves; WE should be ashamed of ourselves. Why have we sunk so low? Well, they're glad I'm not security, because I would've beaten and shot every single one!"
Not only is this event fueling druggies, but dealers as well. These shadowy businessmen are now free to roam around (or settle down in) the beach, selling their products openly rather than from the trunks of their beater cars. More than likely, they're earning enormous profits as we speak.
Come next week Thursday, they will all have to disband lest they want to be arrested for disturbing the peace. So for the moment, people will get their satisfying yet unhealthy fix.
