"Hello. Civilizations of Earth and of the Multiverse. I speak to you today from my homeland of Caelestiam to deliver a most urgent message."
"During my travels in the Multiverse, I have encountered many nations like mine and unlike mine. I have had the honor and privilege of meeting some of the greatest minds in existence. I have seen and experienced new cultures and ways of thinking. I've seen democracies, autocracies of all forms, monarchies, matriarchies, and... Anarchies."
"Now I'm not exactly coming here to bring up the abundance of psychotic dictatorships...
as much of a tumor as they are... I am here to discuss one very particular civilization. A nation by the name of Zeanobia. Zeanobia is a peculiar place with a very specific set of laws known as the 'freedom of act' policies. Now this doesn't seem so awful at first glance, but then you look at it, and examine it, and you see what it has done."
"In Zeanobia, Political Correctness has mutated and become this amorphous thing that permeates every aspect of life. It has created for them a communist state of extremes. Now while we have many of those, here is what sets Zeanobia apart."
"In Zeanobia, you can do anything you want so long as it doesn't hurt anybody. In Zeanobia, you can shoot yourself up with heroin, methamphetamine, cocaine, and any other sort of hard drug imaginable. In Zeanobia, you get locked in prison for smoking a simple tobacco cigarette, because second hand smoke
might affect somebody. Because the hard drugs that ruin lives and tear apart families aren't harmful to other people at all."
"In Zeanobia, the Age of Consent is
seven. Seven. Years. Old. And they do not recognize statutory rape. This was implemented at the pleading of
doctors. Presumably doctors who touch children during physicals. In Zeanobia, almost every form of sexual depravity is practiced so long as it is consensual. Apparently including second graders. And I don't mean the harmless stuff like feet and handcuffing and the like. Bestiality. Necrophilia. Pedophilia."
"In Zeanobia, the school system is ruthlessly rigged with propaganda. Propaganda glorifying their policies and suppressing dissent. Schools where, in math class you literally complain about the price of rice in China and why Zeanobia is so much better. An education system that indoctrinated the youth to accept what's going on around them without question."
"In Zeanobia, ideas are suppressed and any criticism is filtered out to the point of non existence. It leaks into the immigration process, where those who travel here or seek refuge are forced to commit cultural suicide. They are forced to pass examination, adopt Zeanobian culture in full, to cut ties with their homeland and traditions, and to fully assimilate. Other viewpoints are too insensitive."
"In Zeanobia there exists a single party state in which the previous Head of State chooses his opponents from his own party and let's people elect the next ruler. Alexis Blinova, a whorish woman who was in a sexual relationship with the previous Head of State, was elected solely on sex appeal, and not on any campaign promise or sign of basic competence."
"In Zeanobia, there is a unit of soldier-elites called the Death Squad. A unit with no moral or legal restraint. They are allowed and expected to commit any sort of war crime you could possibly imagine and can't imagine. If only to spread fear and use it to their advantage."
"This is a state that values sex and personal feelings over freedom and progress. This is a nation where little boys and girls, once innocent, can be raped constantly, with animals, corpses, waste excretions, and hard drugs. A nation where, if you spoke out against the sick depravity of these monsters, you will be labeled a
hate criminal. You will be sued, tried, convicted, and arrested for hurting a pedophile's feelings. Where ideas are suppressed and strippers are appointed to political positions in return for sexual favors, elected into office. Where migrants are forced to make the ultimate sacrifice of character, and the military uses fear mongering and thrice disgusting crimes against sapienty/humanity to get their country's way."
"It is because of this that
Zaurell and I are forming a coalition of nation states to warn Zeanobia of their misdoings, to address their crimes, to discourage their continuation, to influence change, and if they refuse to cooperate, destroy them."
"I hear some of you already say that I am being a warmonger by doing this. I can assure you, that is not on my mind. What is on my mind, is the loss of innocence of countless young children. Those children who lie awake and night and ask themselves and God 'why didn't my mom and dad help me?' Or, 'why do mom and dad keep touching me?' What is on my mind are the masses of people tricked by their own government into believing they have freedom, those who live in poverty together because the rule of thumb is 'nobody should have more.' Nobody should achieve more than the other, nobody should have more opportunity than the other. And instead of having limitless opportunity together, they have next to no opportunity together. What is on my mind are the hundreds, thousands of refugees and immigrants who were lured into Zeanobia and forced to abandon who they are deep within their souls."
"I stand with those migrants. I stand with those poor. I stand with those dissidents who disappear in the night. I stand with the children who stand scarred by their experiences, forever marred by bastards who dared expose them to something they weren't old enough to understand. I stand with those wounded by the Blinova regime. I stand against Zeanobia and their sickening legislation."
"So on behalf of this new Caspian League. I am issuing a warning to Alexis Blinova and all in Zeanobia who willingly agree with their policies. Change your ways. Change your laws. Stand and own up to your sins and work to fix them. If you do not comply, actions will be taken. Trade agreements will be canceled, and our militaries will initiate embargoes in your trade routes. If you refuse to comply then, we will be forced to apply direct military pressure. Our invasion will be swift, it will be relentless, and it will be victorious. Your military will be eviscerated, infrastructure gutted, and your government toppled. Alexis Blinova, if you will not cooperate, we will bring you to your knees, and it will not be for the blowjobs you seem so used to giving."
~King Mathias Andouin I of Caelestiam, April 3rd, 2016.