Stoklomolvi to perform massive ethnic cleansing

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Stoklomolvi to perform massive ethnic cleansing

Postby Stoklomolvi » Mon Dec 28, 2009 4:11 am


Domestic News - Ethnic Cleansing

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Stoklomolvi announces intention to perform ethnic cleansing
Population pleased with the decision, according to rapid poll

With the Christmas spirit floating around across the world, the government of Stoklomolvi sought to make its contribution through an ethnic cleansing plan that would affect generations to come. Across the country, volunteers arose to aid in the ethnic cleansing program, praising the virtues of such a generous agenda and the subsequent benefits that it would bring. Over seven million tonnes of soap and sanitation equipment have already been distributed, with a planned fifty million tonnes total by 2020 to be delivered to all of the underdeveloped areas in Stoklomolvi.

The Commissar of Stoklomolvi, Vladimir Mikhailovich Stuyonovich, fully endorsed the plan pushed forward by the Stoklomolvi Internal Affairs Commissariat, and personally congratulated the Commissar of the SIAC for his ingenuity.

Copyright 2009 Stoklomolvi Central News Agency. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
© 2009 Stoklomolvi Central News Agency

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Last edited by Stoklomolvi on Tue Apr 20, 2010 9:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Martilia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:07 am

People's Commissar for Foreign Affairs

TO: The Government of Stoklomolvi
SUBJ: Ethnic Cleansing

Dear comrades,

We are glad that the government is planning to help the people in showing how hygiene is important into our bodies. We are in support of your "ethnic cleansing", since the holidays are coming. We hope that you succeed on this program.

Gartoma Haluziki
Premier of the Martilian Soviet Socialist Republic
General Secretary of the Federation of Soviet Socialist Republics
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Postby Sierra Apathia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 5:31 am

OOC: HAHAHAHA. I thought what. Ethnic Cleansing - I thought you wanted to kill them :S
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Postby Noordeinde » Mon Dec 28, 2009 6:50 am

The Office of the President
The Grand Duchy of Noordeinde

To: The Stoklomovi Government
Subject: Hygiene program

Sir, Madam,

The Grand Duchy of Noordeinde hereby expresses it's symphaties for this special program. We absolutely encourage the Government of Stoklomovi to 'keep on the good work' by improving the situation in the underdeveloped areas of the country and learn the people, and may I hope especially the children, how to keep themselfs clean and hygenic.

Due this program we are pretty sure that at least for the upcomming decade their will be no pandemics in Stoklomovi ,which might also spread to other countries. If neccesary we are willing to send a small Medical Company (the 52nd) of the Royal Noordeindian Army to aide your government in this program.

Sincerely Yours,
Jonathan Roosevelt
The Grand Duchy of Noordeinde
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Postby The Fanboyists » Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:47 am

OOC: Sorry 'bout the OOC but...Nice. I laughed when I saw this.
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Postby Republica Espanola » Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:58 am

Stoklomolvi wrote:Image[float=right]

Domestic News - Ethnic Cleansing

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OOC: That's... very impressive...
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Postby Brittanican Adenia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:59 am

OOC: Strangely, this is exactly what I suspected it would be. BTW, I shamelessly stole your idea and icons and recoloured them for my use. Hope that's okay, I'll remove them else.

And Republica Espanola, Stok has an excellent knowledge of BBCode. I learnt quite a bit just by looking at that header!


Ethnic Cleansing with a Lemony Twist
Charles Rainer, Stoklomolvi

[float=right]Image[/float]Various locations in Stoklomolvi ran with the wash-off from a thousand industrial showers as one of the world's biggest spontaneous volunteer events took off over the Christmas holidays.

Stoklomolvi Internal Affairs Commissariat formally launched one of the world's most unusual bouts of "ethnic cleansing" over the past week, involving some seven million tonnes of soap, providing a lifeline to the great unwashed masses littering the country.

The program has drawn derision from some quarters, a notable gentryman in Adenia declaring it "a massive waste of public resources that would be better spent reducing trade tariffs. Let them smell." Others, however, declared it an example for the world to follow.

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Copyright 1934 Adenian Broadcasting Corporation. This article or it's contents may not be re-published, -broadcast, -written or -distribruted without permission. All rights reserved.
© 1934 Adenian Broadcasting Corporation
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Postby Verzia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 9:56 am

Official Verzian Message

To:The Commissar of Stoklomolvi, Vladimir Mikhailovich Stuyonovich
From:The President of Verzia, Johan Mondizzia

The Verzian Social Welfare Program (VSWP) had embarked on a similar project a few years ago, and ever since, the production of soap in Verzia has skyrocketed, we will gladly send 3 tons of soap to Stoklomolvi, and The Verzian Hygienic Society, would like to send 1200 members (ya, there is a lot of them) to help aid in the distribution of the soap.

Warm Regards,


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Postby Salasitan » Mon Dec 28, 2009 10:24 am


The High Republic of Salasitan
Official Public Release

The High Republic of Salasitan wishes to express its approval of the current ethnic cleansing program in Stoklomolvi. We greatly support any humanitarian effort to improve the overall hygiene and, by extent, health, of any people, much more so the already disadvantaged. The pro-active pursuit of a better society by the government of Stoklomolvi is admirable, and we are certain that it shall become a model for positive paternalism in the future.

John Godwin
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
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Postby Kalakda » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:37 pm

OOC: Stok, you really need to word these better.
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Postby Brewdomia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:39 pm

Kalakda wrote:OOC: Stok, you really need to word these better.

OOC: He did that on purpose. It was a joke.

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Postby Ralkovia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:42 pm

(Brewdomia he needs to buy a new humor sensor. His is obviously outdated)
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Postby Brewdomia » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:45 pm

Ralkovia wrote:(Brewdomia he needs to buy a new humor sensor. His is obviously outdated)

Pffft. In this economy? If I was him I would say No way Jose. (Replace Jose with George if anti-hispanic)

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Postby Grays Harbor » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:46 pm

This is the only form of "ethnic cleansing" we can support.

(OOC - damn you! I saw the title, and was all ready to post a scathing, yet humourous, diatribe about how ethnic cleansing required soap! Then I read your first post, and it took every scrap of wind out of my sails. sheesh. well played. ;) )
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Re: Stoklomolvi to perform massive ethnic cleansing

Postby Yekrut » Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:36 pm

OOC: No longer dirty commies, then?

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Postby Leafanistan » Mon Dec 28, 2009 3:13 pm

OOC: Stoklomolvi you scared me, I enjoyed it.
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Postby Fortareata » Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:12 am

One Vision, One Purpose: the Technology of Peace

Official Communique
The United Socialist States of Fortareata

To: the Stoklomolvi Government
Subject: Ethnic Cleansing

The United Socialist States of Fortareata applauds the Communist Federation's efforts to educate its ethnic groups on basic hygiene, and supports the "ethnic cleansing" program. If the Stoklomolvi government so desires, we will send over some shipments of soap and other related products in order to assist our comrades in their efforts. We in Fortareata will launch our own "ethnic cleansing" program in the near future.

More power to you, comrades!
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