The Skalian Crisis [IC|OPEN]

[National Socialist Korea]

May 18th, 2014
Semijohn Gronkob's Personal Bunker, Skalium's Underground Levels, Skalia

"These Koristans... Despite being the Pig Dogs they are, they speak the truth in such a grandiose way that I actually bought it!"

Gronkob said, munching on a piece of chicken thigh.

"These riots conveniently had 15 of the highest-ranked officers that opposed me executed by the angry mob. Until the time is right, I should wait down here in my bunker! Comrade Marek Lapistrob... What do you think of the situation?"

The vicious-looking Director of the CSSC observed the map of Skalia. He then took a dart, and stuck it to the position of Skalium.

"Declare ourselves known to the world. The new and reformed People's Party shouldn't just hide underground: A little introduction is nice."

"I expect as much from the Committee's Director. Cheers, to the Revolutionary Skalia.

It's a shame that we didn't get to capture the rest of Pyotreau's family. Those girls would have made fine bitches for universal usage."

Gronkob then stood up, and walked to a painting of the late founder of the People's Republic, Vistaly Kannivorik Grygoreau. He looked at it, passionately, then kissed the painting before falling back, kneeling down and bowed to it.

"O Comrade Grygoreau, forgive me for my incompetence; forgive me for being unable to bring all of those counterrevolutionaries to justice."

He then stood up, bowing again, completing his ritual.

"Who do you love, Comrade Gronkob?"

"My love is only for Comrade Grygoreau."

"Who's a dead man."

"At least I do love someone."

Lapistrob fondled his knife, licking his lips to wipe clean the Red Wine.

"Successful people are always heartless deep-down.", he remarked.

[National Socialist Korea]

May 20th, 2014
People's Palace, Skalia

"People of Skalia.

This has been a week since the execution of the first-degree traitor to the people, Roamuro Kretoaterik Pyotreau, by the courageous Director of the Central State Security Committee, Marek Teolaep Lapistrob. The People's Republic of Skalia has fallen into turbulent times, when our natural enemies, the Koristans, supplied their puppet Bayimo Nairatilatot Colveskby in an attempt to rob the people of all the hope that remains... The People's Party will not stand idle. The People's Army will take action. I, interim Commander-in-Chief of the Skalian People's Army, Semijohn Basziriy Gronkob, hereby declares martial law to take effect in the entirety of the People's Republic of Skalia. The People's Party will rule the nation however it sees fit until the threats of rebellion and external encroachment are quelled by the glorious People's Army.

Long live the People's Republic. Long live Comrade Vistaly Kannivorik Grygoreau! Heil Vistaly!"

---Gronkob's declaration on martial law of Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

[Valaran]

OFFICIAL STATEMENT BY THE VALARAN EMPIRE

We hereby condemn the activities of both the revolutionaries and the armed military of General Gronkob. The dictator Pyotreau was killed without trial by the known rebel Colveskby, who now flouts his authority with wanton abandon. Yet, at the same time, the communist General Gronkob and his forces commits atrocities. The real losers of this are the people of Skalia themselves. Therefore, with no clear end in sight to the conflict, we hereby request adjacent nations to ally with the Empire and send a force of peacekeepers to restore order, forcibly if needed. In particular, we ask Korista to aid us in restoring democracy.

signed Foreign Secretary Nygaard

__________

Preparations have already begun for 2 division to be mobilized, along with transport ships and some armored brigades.

[National Socialist Korea]

May 21st, 2014

"What are these... absurd turnouts of the situation?", Colveskby asked in surprise.

Indeed, 8 days had passed since the dictator of Skalia was assassinated. After that point, riots broke out. Mobs set fire to many government-owned buildings and wealthy residences. Bayimo Colveskby, meanwhile, retreated to his house in the outskirts of Skalium.

All the while, people caught on fire and fell to the ground, twitching, before finally laying still on the ground. Fights broke out on the streets between armed citizens, leaving hundreds dead in the streets. Chaos practically reigned.

And Colveskby had not an idea until he could see a familiar figure. He could recognize the corpse's blouse and apron, but the face of the elder woman he knew wasn't there - it was far too bloodied.

People of Skalia. We must all stop this fighting at once! I know a bunch of us have our differences, but we have already achieved what we set out to do! There is no need for any others to be killed. Look around! See how the bodies of our brothers and sisters lay lifeless in the street, becoming food for scavengers! What I propose is that we set up a new government, a new rule. People of Skalia, hear me out! The new Republic of Skalia will be born! TODAY!

Colveskby's speech lasted for 15 more minutes. The people, intrigued and then captivated by his speeches, cheered for him in masses.

No longer would Colveskby be the scapegoat for the state. He will continue to help the people of Skalia get back their debts. Through blood.

"Rise up, all Skalians! You are bound by no chains!"

[Valaran]

"Hmm, this is an interesting situation... the rebel turned democratic visionary" mused Nygaard, in his luxurious office. The new foreign building had no expense spared in construction, and thus was an embodiment of state extravagance.

"Yes sir," replied ambassador Eskgaard "He may be much more useful to us than me had previously thought."

"Still, we must find out his true purpose. This may be a ploy. We nothing about this person. He may be lying, using it as an excuse to gain power."

"He has no previous position of authority, and no track record of violence or disorder until the past month. He may be truthful in what eh believes. At any rate he is better than general Gronkob, who seems bent on returning the nation back to its communist past. We negotiate with this man."

"Are you sure that there is no other power-broker who we can be back ambassador?"

"No secretary. My agents have found no-one else as of the moment. If we wait, other will come forward, but the bloodshed will have continued an our window of opportunity lost."

"Very well. You have researched this thoroughly, Ambassador. Arrange a private meeting with Colveskby and assess his usefulness and reliability. Otherwise we will have to rely of Korista totally, not an enviable situation. Perry is reasonable, but Bushe may still have influence to thwart us. Colveskby could prove much more effective to back. Thank you for your time ambassador."

"Yes, secretary."

[National Socialist Korea]

The Daily Tale
All the news that's fit to disclose

Friday, May 23rd 2014

By Doug Napalm

Skalian Civil War: Finally!

SKALIUM, SKALIA - In a Party Conference today, His Right Honorable, Secretary of Defense Suck Feral, Member of the Christian Party, addressed the media.

"The Skalian Peril is up again, Ladies and Gentlemen!", he said.

Indeed, nearly a week after the riots, two powerful warlords have finally arose to take Skalia by storm: General Semijohn Basziriy Gronkob, current General Secretary of the People's Party of Skalia and Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, as well as self-proclaimed Leader-by-Decree; and rebel Bayimo Nairatilatot Colveskby, who leads a suspicious Republican Revolution in protest to the oligarchy of the People's Party - also rumored to have been the instigator of Roamuro Kretoaterik Pyotreau's assassination.

By analysis of experts and observers, it is obvious that Skalia has fallen into a Civil War.

"We must accomplish our Manifest Destiny, and this is our chance! We must colonize Skalia immediately!", Jon Helghast aggressively stated in public.

But indeed, only in colonizing Skalia would we be able to finally pacify the region and ensure that peace lasts.

It would, however, depend on the Liberty Party's President, Barak Slatford Omaha...

Read More From Daily Tale:
> Will Skalia erect more Oil Rigs under Gronkob?
> 108 Supporters of the Skalian Regime Executed
> South Serica: Tomorrow, People's Fries Collective Opens!

[Zhouran]

Palace of Harmony, northeast of Heping

---

"Autarkic People's Democratism!" shouted Yuehan Yi while sitting down in a meeting room with military officers and politicians.

"Do they think democracy is some sort of joke!"

And then, someone barged into the room. It was a State Intelligence Department agent, holding a huge file of documents.

"What on Earth is all that?" asked Li Fenghe, who had a 'what' expression on his face. The agent quickly dropped the document on the table, right near Yuehan Yi. As Yuehan took a document file, he read through the files about the continent of Lesrenadia and the current political situation.

He then passed the file to Li Fenghe. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Li laughed in a hysterical fit.

"Out of all 8 nations in Lesrenadia, only one nation, which is the isolated nation of the Governorate of Serica, isn't a hellhole. Too bad no nation has made any communications with the Hermit Kingdom."

After 35 minutes of discussion, it has been agreed that Zhouran will hold diplomatic relations with the People's Republic of Skalia, since the nation is an economic powerhouse in Lesrenadia, which is good news for Zhouranese businessmen. Also, for the sake of money, Zhouranese weapons can be exported to Skalia, which could be used for Skalia's agenda of turning the entire continent to its ultra-nationalistic "Autarkic People's Democratism" ideology.

[National Socialist Korea]

May 23rd, 2014
Rebel Leader Bayimo Nairatilatot Colveskby
Undisclosed Meeting Point, Somewhere in Lesrenadia

At the predestined meeting point, Colveskby has arrived. Few guards accompanied him, as the rebellion had few experienced men and was spread throughout the impoverished countryside of Skalia. Nevertheless, they had spirit and fervor, unlike the "government troops" who worked only for money and selfish desires.

"Leader, are you sure about this daring move? They could be assassins!", one of the rebel soldiers asked.

"What do we have now? All we have are spiritually empowered but practically impoverished people! We need help, my friend. They may not like us, but they despise that pig Gronkob. That's what I can tell."

"Why do I have a bad feeling that Gronkob is worse than Pyotreau...?"

"Nonsense! Both are fervent worshipers of that dog Grygoreau. At worst, Gronkob could only be as bad as Pyotreau, who had surpassed Grygoreau in terms of both influence and atrocities!"

"I do hope this will be worth it...", one of the soldiers said.

Colveskby sighed. The future of Skalia seemed no less grim than its past. But there was hope. And he would take it.

[Valaran]

Encryption: High

The Valaran Empire has decided, after due deliberation, to also sell weapons to the revolutionary front of Bayimo Nairatilatot Colveskby in order to halt the advance of the Communist General Gronkob. The general has much support form the army, which allows to have a material advantage when facing Colveskby. We must nullify that advantage. However, we only do this so that Gronkob is stopped, not that Colveskby should win. He is unpredictable and may prove to be an enemy rather than an ally. We have sent ambassador Eskgaard to meet with Colveskby and ascertain his usefulness. We await his reply.
Furthermore, we must wait and see what Korista and Zhouran do in response to this crisis. Their reactions will determine our own military repose in this case. If it possible we may be able to split up the country and establish a colony in Skalia (or at least a puppet state).

Foreign secretary Nygaard.

[Valaran]

OOC: where in Skalia is Gronkob in power, and where does Colveskby hold sway? Also are there any other areas with local powers?

[National Socialist Korea]

OOC: where in Skalia is Gronkob in power, and where does Colveskby hold sway? Also are there any other areas with local powers?

OOC: This is handy link right here. I'll upload the map today.

I swear, there are no other nations with actual powers in the region as of the moment.

[Valaran]

May 23rd, 2014
Rebel Leader Bayimo Nairatilatot Colveskby
Undisclosed Meeting Point, Somewhere in Lesrenadia

At the predestined meeting point, Colveskby has arrived. Few guards accompanied him, as the rebellion had few experienced men and was spread throughout the impoverished countryside of Skalia. Nevertheless, they had spirit and fervor, unlike the "government troops" who worked only for money and selfish desires.

"Leader, are you sure about this daring move? They could be assassins!", one of the rebel soldiers asked.

"What do we have now? All we have are spiritually empowered but practically impoverished people! We need help, my friend. They may not like us, but they despise that pig Gronkob. That's what I can tell."

"Why do I have a bad feeling that Gronkob is worse than Pyotreau...?"

"Nonsense! Both are fervent worshipers of that dog Grygoreau. At worst, Gronkob could only be as bad as Pyotreau, who had surpassed Grygoreau in terms of both influence and atrocities!"

"I do hope this will be worth it...", one of the soldiers said.

Colveskby sighed. The future of Skalia seemed no less grim than its past. But there was hope. And he would take it.

Suddenly the noise of vehicle broke through the still night air, and a truck drove into the glade. It had no markings save for a Yellow rose painted on the front.
Colveskby saw the signal and called for his men to stand down.
Out of the truck came 20 men with black body armor and night vision goggles, as well as a hooded figure. They spread out, holding their weapons at ease, but the atmosphere remained tense.

The figure drew back his hood, but Colveskby could not see his features; its was too dark. The figure spoke out:

"Greetings revolutionaries. I am ambassador David Eskgaard, on behalf of the Valaran Empire. Which one of you is Bayimo Nairatilatot Colveskby?"

Colveskby stood forward. "I am Colveskby."

"Ah, good. Come with me, me have much to discuss, privately."

Colveskby hesitated, but knowing that this was his only chance, took up the offer. Once safely out of earshot, the ambassador spoke again:

"since the outbreak of civil strife in Skalia, the Valaran Empire has watched with great concern as the nation began to break apart. However, you now have the chance to unify this nation and return it to its past glory. Only the vile Gronkob stand in your way. But he will be difficult to defeat. So here is our offer:
We will supply you with light arms, mortars and anti-tank weaponry, as well as loan you cash. We are willing to set a camp in the southeast, where our special forces will train your men. If you fail, we will also offer you sanctuary in Valaran lands. In return, we would like 10% interest on our loans, and for the cost of 50% of the supplies to be paid back once you are in power. We would also like a naval base on the coast for our ships, and a free trade pact with the empire. We would also like to help steer your nation towards democratic values. However, this being said, aside from the penultimate condition (the trade pact); the others are negotiable to a degree. If you betray this pact, we will overthrow you; our forces are not inconsiderable, and there are no shortage of nations nearby who would not want to claim a piece of Skalia. So do you accept our terms?"

[National Socialist Korea]

-snip-

"Mister Ambassador...

I appreciate your goodwill in offering to help us erect the democratic government that the people has always wanted... But...

There are conditions in your offer that MUST be negotiated after all. For the pride of the Skalian people, I think our Republic should have the power to make our own decisions. We must NOT become puppets at the hands of Korista, much less a nation we do not even understand. I don't accept for any chance that the leader of the nation should be overthrown; it will create chaos and suspicions among the now-already demoralized citizen of Skalia...

Beyond that point, everything else is acceptable. With the exception of your generous offer of refuge in case of failure of my revolution. You see, Mister Ambassador, we Skalians have a tradition we pride ourselves in: that is, I trust that you have heard the saying 'a good captain must sink with his ship'? We are like that. Skalian Leaders are like that. I am like that. If the people deny me, should they detest my rule, or should my revolution fail and Skalia becomes a shithole under Gronkob's rule, I think it is proper for me to be a martyr to give the people just cause and fight for a free future. Traditions have always been, and will always be."

The Skalian sighed, and gave a sad look at the people standing from a distance. Impoverished, hungry, thin, tan-skinned people - despite the snow that constantly covered Skalia.

"If only the people had food to eat and proper clothes to wear instead of patches..."

[Valaran]

-snip-

"Mister Ambassador...

I appreciate your goodwill in offering to help us erect the democratic government that the people has always wanted... But...

There are conditions in your offer that MUST be negotiated after all. For the pride of the Skalian people, I think our Republic should have the power to make our own decisions. We must NOT become puppets at the hands of Korista, much less a nation we do not even understand. I don't accept for any chance that the leader of the nation should be overthrown; it will create chaos and suspicions among the now-already demoralized citizen of Skalia...

Beyond that point, everything else is acceptable. With the exception of your generous offer of refuge in case of failure of my revolution. You see, Mister Ambassador, we Skalians have a tradition we pride ourselves in: that is, I trust that you have heard the saying 'a good captain must sink with his ship'? We are like that. Skalian Leaders are like that. I am like that. If the people deny me, should they detest my rule, or should my revolution fail and Skalia becomes a shithole under Gronkob's rule, I think it is proper for me to be a martyr to give the people just cause and fight for a free future. Traditions have always been, and will always be."

The Skalian sighed, and gave a sad look at the people standing from a distance. Impoverished, hungry, thin, tan-skinned people - despite the snow that constantly covered Skalia.

"If only the people had food to eat and proper clothes to wear instead of patches..."

"Perhaps I can help with that. It would Valaran's privilege to offer humanitarian aid to the people of Skalia, which will be done free of charge. As for the potential overthrow, we must have some form of guarantee that you will keep your word of paying us back. However, that is a small matter, and far away. We must first take back Skalia, and I am glad that you accept our proposal on the whole. Here is your first shipment of weapons"

He gestured back tot he truck, where the Valarans had brought out a small pile of Kalashnikov and RPGs.

"It is not much, but it is a symbol of our goodwill to your cause. And more will arrive, once you sign here." He produced a piece of paper and a quill from, and offered them to Colveskby.

[National Socialist Korea]

-snip-

"It is agreed, then. I trust that my aligning with the Empire is a right decision."

Colveskby signed into the document, making it finally valid.

"For the welfare of the Skalian people... If it's worth considering, may I ask for relief in form of shipments of grains? The riots left quite a toll on the people, after all."

[Valaran]

-snip-

"It is agreed, then. I trust that my aligning with the Empire is a right decision."

Colveskby signed into the document, making it finally valid.

"For the welfare of the Skalian people... If it's worth considering, may I ask for relief in form of shipments of grains? The riots left quite a toll on the people, after all."

"Of course. However, it will take time to arrive as we are involved in several global operations as we speak. We are glad that you have chosen to ally with us in these trying times. We shall both take copies of this alliance"

[National Socialist Korea]

May 25th, 2014
General Semijohn Basziriy Gronkob
General Secretary of the People's Party, Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic

City of Orzlan, Rebel-controlled Inland Territory, Eastern Skalia
9:47 AM

"... and we shall strike. Here.", Marek Lapistrob said.

"Is the briefing done, Comrade Director?", General Gronkob inquired.

"Ah yes, Comrade General... All is prepared. Armored divisions, flamethrower divisions, aircraft divisions... We have everything we need in order to march into Orzlan."

"This day will be glorious... The rebels will not know what hit them!"

Inside the city itself

Orzlan was not a particularly big city. It was more of a small municipality. And that meant taking over it was a good idea; at least, according to General Gronkob: not well-defended, the rebels were thinned out to their limits, and supplies would be more plenty.

On the morning of May 25th, outside the borders of the city, Gronkob's forces began to gather in order to start a siege.

"Rebel scum within Orzland! You are to surrender to the rightful People's Army of the People's Republic of Skalia, THIS INSTANCE! Any more resistance will be considered as treason against the People's State and be dealt with accordingly!"

From inside the city, there was no response. The rebels manned their guns and took positions, looking intensely at the direction where the sound of the megaphone came from.

The commanding officer who ordered the surrender heard nothing. After 2 minutes of impatient waiting, he gritted his teeth.

"These rebels must be joking..."

He turned his head to his armored division. Through his megaphone...

"Artillery! Armored fighting vehicles! OPEN FIRE! BRING THESE RUINS TO THE GROUNDS!"

And thus, the Siege of Orzlan officially began.

[Valaran]

The attache rushed through the doors, bursting into the foreign secretary's office


"Sir, we've just received word. There has been a major engagement in Skalia. The city of Orzlan has been besieged by Gronkob. The rebels are already losing ground."

"Send a copy of this to the PM's office and the Imperial Palace; our leaders must be notified. This could be our excuse to send peacekeepers, now that we have some 3 division free from the Turntry war. But first issue a statement condemning the actions of the General. Also, find out if is there any word of atrocities committed, and notify our agents to get information on the ground. Finally, raft up a list of alternative options, including sanctions, no fly zones, etc. Thank you Henry."

OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF THE VALARAN EMPIRE

WE condemn the actions of General Gronkob, who has declared war on his own people. This cannot be tolerated. We urge the general to stand down. - Nygaard

[Zhouran]

Heping, Zhouran

---

After hearing about the news of General Gronkob declaring war on the rebels, Li Fenghe began a plan to use the war as a means of getting Skalia into the Zhouranese sphere of influence, in order to get the whole continent of Lesrenadia under Zhouranese influence.

Staring at a massive computer screen, Li looked at several satellite photos of fighting within Orzlan, Eastern Skalia. Although he wasn't interested in joining the war, he wanted Gronkob to support Zhouran.

"Just let Gronkob crush the rebels while supporting Zhouran" he whispered to himself.

Message from the Greater Socialist Republic of Zhouran

---

Dear General Gronkob, leader of the People's Republic of Skalia

For the sake of stability within your region, the Greater Socialist Republic of Zhouran sides with you against rebels in your nation, who have brought nothing but instability. Looking at the current situation in Orzlan, it seems that your military needs some additional firepower to crush the rebels quicker.

If you need any help, just simply ask me.

Sincerely from Li Fenghe, Vice Chairman of the People's Defense Council

[National Socialist Korea]

Gronkob's Vanguards POV

To: Li Fenghe, Vice Chairman of the People's Defense Council, Zhouran
Cc: N/A
From: Semijohn Basziriy Gronkob, Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, General Secretary of the People's Party, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic, Skalia
ENCRYPTION: EXTREMELY HIGH

To Comrade Vice Chairman Li Fenghe,

All we would need right now would be your supplying us with extra firepower, and not manpower. I believe this is supposed to be a national war, and thus it would be unjustified for us to receive help from foreign nations, even honorable and reliable ones such as the Greater Socialist Republic of Zhouran.

Signed,
Gronkob
Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, General Secretary of the People's Party, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic

"What do they think I am? A fool?"

Gronkob crumbled up the piece of paper, and threw it into the dustbin. Marek Lapistrob, who was forming plans for the next offensives, observed the action.

"Comrade General... There will be days when we might actually need that manpower. Rejecting the nation wasn't a wise move."

"What wise move? This is exactly the kind of influence that Korista is seeking right now, Comrade Director! Have you heard about this 'Greater Socialist Republic'? A bunch of those who crave for the torturous lifestyle that the people endured during the first ten years under Pyotreau. Militaristic? More like imperialistic!"

"Right. Now, we have something more important for you to observe."

Gronkob stood behind Lapistrob's shoulder. The Director handed the message from Valaran to Gronkob.

"A condemnation, which we obviously will not reply to. However, this means that these whiny idiots are starting to notice what we are doing, and probably even what we have done for the last 12 months. Comrade General, it wouldn't be a wise move to be too open about your opinions as of the moment."

"What do you recommend we do, Comrade Director?"

Lapistrob handed Gronkob a photo. It was a Lieutenant-General in the People's Army.

"Irving Johann Eugene Yershob. This is the perfect candidate for you. Arrange papers for an immediately-effective emergency promotion, then dispatch him along with the second wave of reinforcements. I don't see ourselves winning so soon with this first wave against the city."

"Really, Comrade Director? Such a person as you would cower against this kind of situation?"

"Never underestimate your enemy, Comrade General. Unlike you, who bribed your way up the hierarchy, I got my job from my own efforts."

"Hey! Talk more about it and I'll shoot you!"

"Don't worry, old pig. I would have already killed 10 people before you could even shoot me."

"Fine... I'll get to work with the promotion."

Colveskby's Republicans POV

"The first wave, incoming! Take down the meat-shields, men!"

By the commander's orders, Vanguard regulars were gunned down by anti-personnel (AP) positions up on the building.

"Use your daggers! Save your bullets for the tanks!"

One of the Vanguard soldiers threw a Molotov Cocktail into one of the buildings. The timing was quick enough for it to explode and take down whoever was inside that particular window.

"Drive the jeeps! Crush them!"

From behind the rubble, white jeeps driven by Republican volunteers rushed to the direction of the Vanguards. It came at such speed that some of them were sent flying while others were crushed by the wheels. It was a bloody sight, but nevertheless, that was part of a war - everything must be done in order for victory to be achieved.

"Reinforcements will arrive in 12 hours! Try to hold your grounds, gentlemen!", Colveskby said through the radio comm channel.

"What? Oh for crying out loud... Men, we wouldn't be getting reinforcements anytime soon, so try to do your best and either hold the enemy outside of the city, or push them back!"

"Yes Sir!"

I sincerely believe in the righteousness of the popular resistance movement... Hope that whatever we'll do, it'll be worth it.

"No more tyranny!", the man shouted.

"No more tyranny!", his guerrilla troops said in sync.

"Sir, enemy tanks are moving in!", a scout reported.

"You heard it, lads? Now show those damn brats in armed cars what ya got! AT guns, RPG's and Bazookas, get them readied! AK-47, prepare in case of foot-soldiers' attacks!"

"You'll be sorry you ever betrayed us, damn rebels!", the tank commander said.

"We'll see about that, rapist-maniacs!"

[Zhouran]

"DAMMIT!" shouted Li, after reading Gronkob's letter.

Bowing his head down on his desk, he whispered to himself "why?"

Then there was a knock on the door. It was Hao Pengyou, the spunky and attractive Foreign Minister. She entered the room and sat on Li's desk. "What's the matter?" she asked. Li stared at Hao with a neutral expression and replied "Gronkob was more difficult to influence than I though."

"If you want Gronkob to be friendly and all, why don't we use peaceful diplomacy, rather than using military power?" Hao replied. Li stood up from his chair and hugged and thanked Hao for the idea. "Can you explain to me what's happening?" she asked.

Li quickly grabbed her hand and ran out the door...

[Valaran]

SEMIOFFICIAL STATEMENT OF THE VALARAN EMPIRE TO THE ILLEGAL JUNTA OF GENERAL GRONKOB

Since the 'Almighty' and 'ever'-powerful' General Gronkob will not even deign to respond to us, we condemn him further. We also chuckle/cackle amusedly as his efforts to take a single town are thwarted by a band of civilian militia armed with daggers. We praise the valiant leader Colveskby and his men for their heroic efforts, who seems to be the only one fighting for the people of Skalia. Perhaps the General might respond to us later, when his precious time is not used so effectively. He then might be more open to negotiation and our support. Good day.

[Valaran]

OOC: MAX SARCASM LEVEL!

[National Socialist Korea]

Gronkob's Vanguards POV

To: Official representatives of the Valaran Empire
Cc: N/A
From: Semijohn Basziriy Gronkob, Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, General Secretary of the People's Party, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic, Skalia
ENCRYPTION: EXTREMELY HIGH

To the Valaran Imperialists,

You sound like providing support to whoever seems more beneficial to you. You are imperialist bastards who seek to dirty the revolutionary ways of our almighty, eternal, supremely-powerful Comrade Leader Vistaly Kannivorik Grygoreau.

This is not a war against my people; this is police action on behalf of them to destroy illegal rebels. I, as the second most-powerful member of the People's Party during Pyotreau's reign, must take emergency power to stop these riots and put the people masses back in charge.

If you do not understand such simple things, stupid pig-dog oppressors, then I suggest that you go outside of your desk, take a deep breath, and shut the fuck up.

Signed,
Gronkob
Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, General Secretary of the People's Party, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic

[Valaran]

Gronkob's Vanguards POV

To: Official representatives of the Valaran Empire
Cc: N/A
From: Semijohn Basziriy Gronkob, Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, General Secretary of the People's Party, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic, Skalia
ENCRYPTION: EXTREMELY HIGH

To the Valaran Imperialists,

You sound like providing support to whoever seems more beneficial to you. You are imperialist bastards who seek to dirty the revolutionary ways of our almighty, eternal, supremely-powerful Comrade Leader Vistaly Kannivorik Grygoreau.

This is not a war against my people; this is police action on behalf of them to destroy illegal rebels. I, as the second most-powerful member of the People's Party during Pyotreau's reign, must take emergency power to stop these riots and put the people masses back in charge.

If you do not understand such simple things, stupid pig-dog oppressors, then I suggest that you go outside of your desk, take a deep breath, and shut the fuck up.

Signed,
Gronkob
Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army, General Secretary of the People's Party, Leader-by-Decree of the People's Republic

Open Message to the world, and to the apparently anti pig/dog Gronkob

Damn! Who let the Gronkob out of his pen? Someone should put him back there immediately. Preferably until he is calm again. and don't give him any presents until that has occurred.
Also, congratulations on realizing our offer support was a ploy (which it wasn't, until we realized who/what we were dealing with; we were actually offering help for peace). However, we feel that there is no need for us to, as you so affectionately put it, "shut the fuck up", as we are quite happy to continue speaking. Perhaps you should take your own advice general: look out that window and watch your army smashed, as the Skalian people triumph. Though don't "shut the fuck up". Instead we recommend you to keep speaking, and keep digging that hole.

Finally, Your reply has been attached and spread to the international community. Sucks to waste that encryption now, doesn't it?

Yours sarcastically, (and cordially)
The Pig-dog oppressors (generally known as the Valaran Empire)
N.B. Pigs are quite nice really, Churchill liked them. He said "I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." dogs are nice too. Mixing them together though, is a bit strange, but whatever floats your boat, General.