viewtopic.php?f=5&t=276196
Robert Jackson: Good evening citizens of the Radian Empire. I'm your host, Robert Jackson, and you're watching the Poni Proprietor! Latest news today, the Emperor of Poni has requested his military officials to have as many troops as they can to organize around the Northern Mountains of our nation. The Emperor claims the creatures up north are repopulating at a rapid rate and believes it is best to simply kill them all, while at the same time creating more space for cities and towns to grow. Despite how beneficial this would be to our economy and our own population problems, several military officials are denying cooperation. This is well expected as we are around the end of the year, and everyone wishes to be at home celebrating with their families.
To reach a comprimise rather than a conflict, the Emperor has taken to paying foreign militaries to come over to our nation and kill the wild animals in the mountains for us. This has created scepticism as Poni's economy is slowly declining into debt, and this will only add to the problem. The Emperor however is confident and has been assuring everyone that the payments are well worth the rewards. He promises once the mountains are more clear, construction workers will move in after the first day of the new year to begin city construction in areas he deems of great, promising potential. That may be true after yesterday when a gasoline truck driving around a mountain exploded, revealing a large crater with gold.
In other news, citizens of Poni are reporting of multiple UFO sightings. They claim strange aircraft have been seen flying from the mountains lately. We haven't confirmed what they are, but the Empire has been denying any involvement with them. Some have been seen also flying back to the mountains, but exactly what is going on remains unknown. Now time for sports!
(Just then a woman comes up to Jackson and whispers in her hear, then walks away.)
Um, I'm sorry, but we have breaking news now. A gasoline truck has been reported of exploding again, but this time it did so after crashing into the city hall of New Nod, Poni. We are getting word now that Poni may be under a terrorist attack. We urge everyone to remain calm and do not panic. Stay in your homes, and whatever you do--
(The channel cuts off and reveals this man.)
Attention citizens of the Radian Empire, we are at war with terrorists. The strange UFO sightings from the Northern Mountains are in fact ponies, the same ponies responsible for the suicide bombers attacking us with gasoline-loaded trucks. This entire nation is on lockdown and people are expected to stay at home. Cooperate with the authorities and everything will probably be fine. Also anyone who is a member of the military is to immediately report for duty. Any troops who fail to comply will be hunted down, rounded up, and shot. If you also see a pony who isn't wearing a Poni labour collar around their necks, they are to be killed as well. If you cannot kill them yourself, contact the authorities and remain with them until the threat is removed.
(The strange man disappears from the television, and for the next several hours it shows a bunch of cats doing stupid stuff.)












