Arctic Summit: USSR-Baltic Finland Treaty Talks (CLOSED)

[Baltic Finland (Ancient)]

"Just some clarifications here", said president Jaaguar. "Finns are people of Finland, the Finnish people. They belong into a larger group called Baltic Finns, people of Baltic Fennland, the Fennic people. They in turn belong into a much larger group called Finno-Ugric people. The Komis and Maris for example are Finno-Ugric or just Ugric. Be they Ugric, Fennic or Baltic, they're kinsmen to us. But this you already knew. How about you ask us something for a change instead of us interrogating you all the time?" he asked.

[-USSR]

Nazarova: "How are Russians(and Slavs in general for that matter) treated in Finland? As I know that in some of our Baltic neighbours we aren't treated very well at all?"

Jordanescu: "While we're on the topic, how are LGBT people treated in Finland?"

[Baltic Fennia]

"As we already mentioned, we have a political party in our federal parliament that advocates the interests of the Russian minority in the Nationalist Confederacy of Baltic Fennia", answered Konkonen. "And we don't consider them Russians. To us, they are Baltic Fenn citizens of Russian origin. As for LGBTQIAM*... let's just say marriage is between two people who are independent adults in the Nationalist Confederacy of Baltic Fennia. Nothing other is required for a marriage." Palkolahti continued.

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "These are all good things to hear! We'd hate to think Finnish Russians or Russian Finns (however you want to put it) and the LGBT community were being wronged."

Gyoldberg: "On a slightly different note, I would like to ask you about the potential of attracting Finnish tourists to the USSR. Do you think it'd be popular? It's a great country for tourism, you know"

[Baltic Fennia]

"Before I shall answer that one", president Jaaguar cut in, "I have to ask you these questions: how wide are your civil and political liberties? What do you not allow your people to do here?"

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "Ah good question, Henrik! To begin with, I'll talk about the media: it's free and open, they can report on whatever they like. The general citizenry have lots of freedoms; they can form unions, strike, protest, start small businesses and co-operatives, they can enter and leave the country as they please, they can marry people of the opposite or same sex, they can vote in most elections. Our economic system is affectively Market Socialist, all the crucial industries like energy, education and healthcare are funded by the taxpayer and run by the state but co-ops and smaller businesses are welcomed too. However you shouldn't be lead to believe that there are no multinationals here, for example McDonald's just opened their 2,000th outlet in the USSR in the city of Magadan. We're completely Socialist, but we understand that balance is always important."

[Baltic Fennia]

"It seems I can trust my citizens to your hands, or what do you say, Erasmus an Oula?" president Jaaguar asked. Konkonen nodded excitedly while Palkolahti just rolled his eyes. "Then what aggravated these 'tighty-Whiteys' led by VZ to attack our country?" he challenged. "As much as I think he was a bad apple, one doesn't spontaneously engage in a war that would expand into a diplomatic conflict. He wasn't going to secure himself a patch of land and woulda got troops from both sides stopping him dead in his tracks if he even tried. However, we thought at the time it was your government that issued the attacks. He knew we thought so as well, but still his attack made no sense. Wouldn't it be more sensible to take over at Mother Russia first and then steamroll all the way over Eastern Europe?"

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "I have no idea what was going through Žirinovsky's mind, the White Movement are pathetic little terrorists who aren't quite right in the head. Logic is something that doesn't quite factor into the minds of the Whites. My guess is that he thought Eastern Finland would be an easy target or a 'good way to start' so to speak"

[Baltic Fennia]

"Just to let the government of USSR know that we have a party founded in our country that strongly resembles the LDPR of VZ", announced Konkonen. "It proclaims to be Karelo-centrist, pan-Fennicist an neo-imperialist. Sound familiar?"

[-USSR]

Gyoldberg: "How delightful for you, have fun dealing with that one! But seriously, if you want any advice on containing them feel free to ask us, we've learnt from our predecessors' mistakes on that one"

[Baltic Fennia]

"They have the freedom to hold any opinion they please, as long as they don't break any laws while doing that", said president Jaaguar. "We have lunatics on both sides of the fence, with some cheering for Uncle Joe McCarthy and the rest for Uncle Joe Stalin."

"And our government takes no reaponsibility in acts of terror done in the USSR", Palkolahti ensured. "If the LDP decides to attack you, we can help you upon request, but we take no responsibility if Ziri's tighty-Whiteys decide to commit group suicide against your military."

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "We have the White Movement quite under control, especially as the LDPSU turned their backs on them and purged their own party of people with anything to do with the Whites, they're toothless and actually ok now"

[Baltic Fennia]

All of a sudden, president Jaaguar's phone rings an he answers it. "Läänemeresoome Rahvuslase Konföderatsiooni president, Henrik Saul Jaaguar...Jah, ma olen nüüd hõivatud!...Mida sa ütlesid?...Nõukogude Liidus...Valimised tehtud?...Tänan teid. Nägemiseni." he said as he ended his call. "Comrades", he began ironically, "I am sorry Ilya, but... state parliament of Karelia defeated the proposition of sharing power with the Soviet Union."

"Looks like the Karelians prefer kinsmen over the Soviets after all", Palkolahti said with a smirk. "It is no wonder, since it was the Karelian guerrillas who helped us defeat Ziri's private army. But don't worry, our proposition for 20 MP's into Left Alliance hasn't changed one bit." he assured.

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "Well the will of the people is the will of the people, but we will take Leningrad back, how much do want for it?"

Nazarova: "And you can keep your spaces in your Parliament"

[Baltic Fennia]

"Will you now?" asked Palkolahti. "Petersburg or Pietari as it is in Finnish is the capital of the State of Karelia and the County of Ingria. Giving you the Karelian capital city is nigh impossible right now." Gyoldberg glared at Palkolahti in an icy manner.

"I will say this one more time", said president Jaaguar. "Us Baltic Fenns have gotten over being occupied, annexed, dictated and marched on. Swedish, Russians and Europeans have held power over us and occupied our lands. Lands of Baltic Fenns have been nothing but a great big doormat. Until now. It is my pleasure to say that waging wars is over. Our peoples have been divided by petty matters such as politics and economics, loyalty to the occupier, workers versus owners... you name it, we had it. The Nationalist Confederacy of Baltic Fennia bows down to no one. I believe this state visit to be over", he finished and stood up.

"Henrik, calm yourself, please!" Konkonen tried but president Jaaguar was already pointing at the door. "Shall we take our leave then, gentlemen? Erasmus? Oula?"

Both just stood there, utterly perplexed at the change president Jaaguar had underwent.

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "I'm not in the business of creating diplomatic crises, I'd rather we discussed things like adults but leave if you wish"

Koivisto: "Of course we'd all rather you stayed but I won't loose any sleep over it either way"

[-USSR]

Nazirova: "I'm sorry that my colleagues are being this way, we all just want what's best for everyone, all of us"

[Baltic Fennia]

"Please Henrik, what has gotten into you? We cannot leave yet. Not like this. Please, you know that as well as me and Oula. Right, Oula?" Konkonen pleaded.

"Sometimes I wonder who is the bigger patriot, me or him. The only reason he got elected president over our party chairman Timo Soini was his sheer Fennic patriotism, Palkolahti whispered in Gyoldberg's ear. "But I must say I have never seen him like this before."

President Jaaguar just stood there, hands in his pockets. Until his phone rang again. "Ma olen nüüd hõivatud!...Mida nüüd?...Surmanuhtlus?...ei ei ei. Ei. Sa ei tee midagi. Sa oota kuni ma tagasi. Hea. Nägemiseni." He ends the call and slams his face with his palm. "Kuidas ma seda unustada! Kurat neetud!"

Konkonen gringed, but Palkolahti just smirked. "What's wrong, Henrik?" he asked.

"Execution", president Jaaguar said. "They are going to have death penalty implemented and then they are executing him." "Who?" Konkonen asked. "Vladimir Žirinovsky", answered president Jaaguar.

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "Henrik! You're completely misinformed here! A) Capital Punishment is constitutionally banned and B) we don't especially want him extradited anyway-it's up to you"

Gyoldberg: "That is interesting, Oula, we're a patriotic government ourselves but I've never seen a government official in any democratic nation act like that"

[Baltic Fennia]

"No, no, no, no, no: In our constitution, such thing would be classified as murder and therefore introducing death penalty would be unconstitutional and an illegitimate practice", said president Jaaguar. "I told them not to do anything before I get back", he breathed heavily.

"We are not going to execute him even if it was constitutional for a reason", said Konkonen. "Rebel or no rebel, he's still a Soviet citizen and we do not kill citizens of another country. We usually just deport them", he explained.

"Henrik is against death penalty", Palkolahti whispered in Gyoldberg's ear again. "But yes, he is kind of an oddball even in Fennic politics with his irredentist ideals and dreams of a Greater Finland. Many of our citizens are like that, but Henrik is the only one in federal politics. Plus, he is a Center Party member. People thought all patriots come from True Finns or Republican Fatherland", he explained.

"It's up to you, Ilya, since he is your citizen", president Jaaguar said suddenly as his calm and collected self again.

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "Look, Henrik, I don't want to see him dead! As long as Žirinovsky spends life behind bars, I don't really mind where he is, as long he's a threat to the public, he'll remain in jail, alive"

Nazarova: "Ilya's right, as long as Žirinovsky's a threat, he'll remain in jail, but he will not be killed"

Gyoldberg to Oula: "I imagine he's popular amongst Finns then?"

[Baltic Fennia]

"Then so be it", said president Jaaguar. "He shall live. I am not for death penalty myself. He shall serve his life sentence. Do not worry though, they are waiting for me and my decision back at Baltic Fennia."

"Not really. The rise of irredentism has been a recent phenomenon in the area of Finland. We won the war by sheer patriotism, persistence and general finnishness, a thing we call Sisu back at Baltic Fennia", explained Palkolahti. "Henrik did not even win by a landslide. There was a solid social democrat, national coalitioner and Reform Party candidate who were expected each to be more successful than him. His irredentism was unexpected and some people even suspect that it was an election trick. Well, he lived up to his dreams I guess", sighed Palkolahti.

[-USSR]

Jordanescu: "I'm so glad we've come to an agreement on this, Žirinovsky will serve his time"

Gyoldberg to Oula: "Most politicians-even the most anti-nationalist ones-will use patriotism to win an election..."

Nazarova: "Right! Is there anything else you'd like to discuss in particular?"