The Writing Project [Open, All Techs, Group, Guide]

[Former Wellboneland]

Application to Join The Writing Project
Nation’s Name: Saiyan Homeland of Wellboneland

What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
[ ] Past Tech
[x] Modern Tech
[ ] Postmodern Tech
[x] Future Tech
[ ] Steampunk
[x] Fantasy Tech

Mark All That Apply…
[ ] I want to help others with their writing.
[x] I want to receive help with my writing.
[ ] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

[Harkonna]

Application to Join The Writing Project
Nation’s Name: The Unified Federation of Harkonna

What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
[ ] Past Tech
[ ] Modern Tech
[x] Postmodern Tech
[ ] Future Tech
[ ] Steampunk
[ ] Fantasy Tech

Mark All That Apply…
[x] I want to help others with their writing.
[ ] I want to receive help with my writing.
[x] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

[New Hayesalia]

Sign me up, Jimmy Bob.

Application to Join The Writing Project
Nation’s Name: New Hayesalia

What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
[ ] Past Tech
[X] Modern Tech
[X] Postmodern Tech
[X] Future Tech
[ ] Steampunk
[ ] Fantasy Tech

Mark All That Apply…
[X] I want to help others with their writing.
[X] I want to receive help with my writing (from time to time).
[ ] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

[Izzyshipper]

Application to Join The Writing Project
Nation’s Name: The Kingdom of Izzyshipper

What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
[x] Past Tech
[x] Modern Tech
[ ] Postmodern Tech
[ ] Future Tech
[ ] Steampunk
[ ] Fantasy Tech

Mark All That Apply…
[x] I want to help others with their writing.
[x] I want to receive help with my writing.
[x] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

[Wandering Argonians]

As far as the story itself goes, it's negotiable. I was actually planning on using the planet itself as a backdrop for several future roleplays, so I'm aware of the lack of goals for other players. Would it be more useful to shave the story portion off of the bottom end and flesh out the factbook portion itself for future use, then concoct a story a little less 'trite' for others to enjoy? I was trying to avoid the whole 'Borderlands' issue with a vault of some sort deep in hostile tribal territory, but perhaps simple, proven storylines are best.

I would say that a factbook entry for the planet would be good, so that when you start up the story you can just link to the factbook itself. That'd also help if you're planning to use it as a more general setting as you won't be going back to copy it every time. But yes, keep the description as a factbook, and focus the OP on the story you want to tell.

I'd like to avoid the F7 crowd, for the most part they seem to be a younger lot focused more on video-game themed RP's. As well as a bit of fun, this was intended to flesh out the growing tensions between NS Earth-based Argonian populations under their current government, and the colonies out in space slowly distancing themselves from the harsh laws of the Earth-based regime. Talen's mission was meant to illistrate that, as well as go horribly wrong, and he himself become a fixture on the barren surface of Hyperion Prime. Still, while it is a Nation-based RP, it's meant to be a backdrop for freeform roleplaying, so F7 might be where it lands after all.

Fair enough then. If it's meant to be NS setting, you can keep it here...but yes, developing the background to allow for a whole host of stories to play out over it, with an overall story arc? Is that kind of what you're kind of hoping for? If that's the ase, might I suggest a series of RP with the same people, to help get the story you want to tell out of it.

Insofar as the prose used in the factbook portion, I was going for an informal 'Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy' feel. If I've failed in that area, any ideas as to how to preserve that sort of jaded, snarky wit would be appreciated.

If you're going for a more informal approach, then your writing style is fine...I was presuming it was a more formal document than it was, so yeah...my mistake.

I appreciate the excellent advice, and have one final question: Any thoughts on creating a worthwhile application thread?

[Lubyak]

If you're opening it up to people in general, and its character based, you should ask for the basics of their character, (e.g. name, age, species, brief biography), if it's nation based ask for similar things about their nation, (e.g. name, government, population, etc.). Beyond this it's usually a good idea to ask for an rp sample or two, just so you can look over their previous work, so you know you're letting in a decent RPer.

[New Azura]

Would anyone be up to critiquing and/or reviewing this thread for me?

The Daughter of Tsyion

[Tuthina]

Application to Join The Writing Project
Nation’s Name: Tuthina

What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
[X] Past Tech
[X] Modern Tech - Although I suck at it.
[X] Postmodern Tech - Slightly better than above.
[X] Future Tech
[X] Steampunk
[X] Fantasy Tech - Personal favourite.

Mark All That Apply…
[X] I want to help others with their writing.
[X] I want to receive help with my writing.
[X] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

[Dukopolious]

Would anyone be up to critiquing and/or reviewing this thread for me?

The Daughter of Tsyion

I'm actually in the process of reading it now. I'l 1/2 way though the second page.

So far my only suggestion is the use of "she" very often in the first sex scene. It can be difficult since both involved parties are female.

[Spooty]

Would anyone be up to critiquing and/or reviewing this thread for me?

The Daughter of Tsyion

I just started, already I have to complain about the overuse of different text, size, colour and wordart, it looks like the work of a thirteen year old discovering MSWord for the first time.

That isn't to say things like that shouldn't be used, but that overusing them makes things look a mess at best and downright nauseating at worse. What's really odd is that you've proven yourself capable of using those tools, the first page of this topic is very neatly and professionally laid out, the wordart contributing to the design rather than detaching the reader.

[Dukopolious]

Would anyone be up to critiquing and/or reviewing this thread for me?

The Daughter of Tsyion

I just started, already I have to complain about the overuse of different text, size, colour and wordart, it looks like the work of a thirteen year old discovering MSWord for the first time.

That isn't to say things like that shouldn't be used, but that overusing them makes things look a mess at best and downright nauseating at worse. What's really odd is that you've proven yourself capable of using those tools, the first page of this topic is very neatly and professionally laid out, the wordart contributing to the design rather than detaching the reader.

That would be Azura's format that Azura has been using for quite a while

It's more stylistic than anything, it doesn't take away from content.

[Spooty]

I just started, already I have to complain about the overuse of different text, size, colour and wordart, it looks like the work of a thirteen year old discovering MSWord for the first time.

That isn't to say things like that shouldn't be used, but that overusing them makes things look a mess at best and downright nauseating at worse. What's really odd is that you've proven yourself capable of using those tools, the first page of this topic is very neatly and professionally laid out, the wordart contributing to the design rather than detaching the reader.

That would be Azura's format that Azura has been using for quite a while

It's more stylistic than anything, it doesn't take away from content.

Like I said, I know Azura is capable of using said layout (I said tools, but, same thing, right?) but here it comes across as sloppy and flow breaking, the contrasting colours and constant changes in font break apart concentration and disrupt the natural flow of ones eyes. If you want to create a compelling front-piece to an RP, be aware how peoples eyes move, especially in the west, from left, to right, diagonally left again then to the right, that way you cover headline, front piece and text, having things placed in such a jarring pattern means my eyes are moving left to right. Left to right. Left to right. Each in its own section, each broken apart from the other, there's no flow or gentle leading into the subject, it's a broken and jarring transition from one element onto the other.

[New Azura]

All applications should be current to this point. As always, if your name is missing from the roster page, please telegram me so that I can correct the oversight.

That would be Azura's format that Azura has been using for quite a while

It's more stylistic than anything, it doesn't take away from content.

Like I said, I know Azura is capable of using said layout (I said tools, but, same thing, right?) but here it comes across as sloppy and flow breaking, the contrasting colours and constant changes in font break apart concentration and disrupt the natural flow of ones eyes. If you want to create a compelling front-piece to an RP, be aware how peoples eyes move, especially in the west, from left, to right, diagonally left again then to the right, that way you cover headline, front piece and text, having things placed in such a jarring pattern means my eyes are moving left to right. Left to right. Left to right. Each in its own section, each broken apart from the other, there's no flow or gentle leading into the subject, it's a broken and jarring transition from one element onto the other.

A funny thing about that; I actually wasn't anticipating much out of the roleplay. You see, I was originally quite discouraged because of the lack of participation from my region mates, and so I assumed (incorrectly) that the roleplay would be my usual affair: four or five posts, then nothing but death. Ironically, as I began using the roleplay as a chance to format different styles of content layout, people from the region began taking notice of it, which propelled me to write a little more. If you go from page one to page two, it's like night and day: every post on page two is a uniform layout without coloration, while the first page has all sorts of random stuff thrown in. It's the transition near the bottom of page one to a more standing format that marks the point where I began to take the story seriously enough to pick a style and stick with it.

I will say, however; I am a fan of the larger headers at the start of the post, as well as the descriptive locale and time intro that I use. I find it helps acclimate readers to a given location if that location has been introduced previously. It also, at least in terms of the header, provides a ready made way for people to search through a roleplay and find specific posts. When you have nothing but a wall of text, it can be difficult to pinpoint the exact location in which you want to go.

[Hladgos]

*I might just tag this cretin*

[Maltropia]

Would anyone mind critiquing this thread? I realise it's been inactive, but I'm curious as to where people consider my RPing ability to be at.

[Khanastan]

Would anyone mind critiquing this thread? I realise it's been inactive, but I'm curious as to where people consider my RPing ability to be at.

On your part, it is very good. I admire the formality with the Newspaper articles. The spelling is sound, the punctuation is sound and my only criticism is that everyone else seems to be too informal and there is too much OOC. I'd tell people to maintain formality before it advances any further, as when OOC begins to make an appearance, doom looms over the thread as it falls into informal anarchy...

and no one wants that to become of this promising thread.

[Hladgos]

Application to Join The Writing Project
Nation’s Name:The Federated Democratic Republic of Hladgos

What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
[ ] Past Tech
[*] Modern Tech
[*] Postmodern Tech
[*] Future Tech
[*] Steampunk
[no opportunities yet] Fantasy Tech

Mark All That Apply…
[possibly, if I have time] I want to help others with their writing.
[ ] I want to receive help with my writing.
[Sure. Why not?] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

[Hladgos]

http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=175329
Could someone look over this a smidge? Not my RP, but I kindof brought it back from the dead. This is a continuation of the first RP I was in. I think this is it's third life. Anyway, you could just skim over my posts, but some of them might not make sense without reading the others. I'm very truly excited with my descriptions of Nregokath in the fourteenth page or so. Anyway, here's a nice big burdon, filled with godmod and extreme techwank.

[Ikruchystan]

Evening folks, I'd be happy if some of you could take a look at this and tell me what I could be doing better: United Forever (Closed)

[The State of Monavia]

Would anyone be up to critiquing and/or reviewing this thread for me?

The Daughter of Tsyion

I will state a few initial reactions to your opening series of posts which serve as the thread’s exposition:

The graphics are certainly a nice touch, and I wish I had enough experience and talent for using Photoshop and other programs to make as many graphics as you have been able to make for your collection of threads. By the way, I have almost no talent when it comes to MS Paint, so I have respect and admiration for those who can use it well. I have never seen somebody go through the trouble of creating a warning graphic either, but there’s a first for everything.

I will not accuse you of using words incorrectly or awkwardly, but you may want to exercise greater caution in how you select your adjectives. For example, you open with the words “The solemn winds.” Solemnity implies a certain heaviness, deliberateness, and sometimes even uniformity (as in a funeral procession). Nature tends to be spontaneous and varied.

I will excuse the occasional typos that plague even the best writers. Spellcheckers are only so effective and the only nigh-foolproof way of preventing errors from slipping through is to read the whole of the final text and make corrections before posting it, or edit any errors that are found before somebody else finds them and has something at which to snigger.

What is the darkness that crept into the king’s mind? Are you alluding to his death in The Awakening Beast?

You alluded to the beginning of Calixte’s relationship with Dariea (i.e. “The bonds of companionship which had first been forged in the secrecy of their tryst…”) but stopped without exploring that subject further. How did they come to meet? When did their relationship begin? There are some who might even want to know how Calixte’s inclinations toward other women formed, although we can only go so far before a “Mature” label is not enough and we hit the limits imposed by board rules. How did the king become suspicious of his daughter’s behavior?

You wrote several interesting things in your second post. For one, you keep up a semi-formal narrative tone throughout the first two paragraphs. The one exception to this rule was your sudden change to a warmly conversational tone that was more relaxed and informal and had several contractions quickly thrown in, writing “but a lot of it was purely luck, truth be told. He'd gone far and above what he should've been able to accomplish.” Control Room is usually not a proper noun and neither is Executive Officer when not used as a title (i.e. “Executive Officer Lieutenant Commander Xera” versus “The Elegance's executive officer, Lieutenant Commander Xera.” Again, this section is so well-written that I have to nitpick to find anything that could use improvement.

In your opening post, you cast the king as a character whose feelings were genuine and who love for Calixte’s mother has great depth. Using a description like “the man who f****d her mother” usually implies the opposite, since many writers use that kind of description to describe either a relationship where one partner uses (or abuses) the other. Calixte’s father loved here, but I take it she did not seem to love him, at least from what I read up to this point.

I am intrigued by your selection of the Maltese Cross and the bicephlous eagle as Azuran symbols, when RL cultures who use those symbols appear (to my knowledge) far different from Azuran culture. Nonetheless, it make an impressive letterhead. On second thought, further reading into the next post gives me the impression that many Azurans are Christian. This would explain the design of the letterhead.

The fifth and sixth posts read smoothly, though again, there’s not much character history or development among the military officers. Their “uselessness” is barely touched upon and I as the reader have little understanding of why Calixte cannot stand the Imperial Military Command or the Saeculum or anybody else. On the positive side, you did begin to develop the relationship more by revealing that Calixte and Dairea shared a dormitory, which may help explain more about them—but it was a passing reference. The pair is still a bit enigmatic. I also cannot understand what makes Calixte can love and hate her father and her country at the same time without any sense of internal division or contradiction. On top of that, what made Dairea so insane as to use Calixte’s office for her love-making.

Kylarnatis’s reply post was rather terse when you consider how much material there is to reply to, but it nonetheless well-written. I would be about as disappointed as you (though not as much as your characters) at not receiving any replies after writing that may expository posts. The narration of Calixte’s subsequent character development is also something to appreciate, especially when sufficient time is taken to savor the vividness of the imagery in her dream.

The dialogue between Viktor and Calixte is lively and engaging. Nonetheless, there were some mistakes. I think you meant to say “like rabid animals,” not “like rapid animals” about halfway through the post I am describing here. There are a few more mistakes along the way (i.e. threw the room versus through the room) but otherwise the proofreading is excellent.

After reaching the end of the first page, I was drawn into the writing and came to the point where the action finally assumed a uniform pace with ample development of the plot (and a little less character development, but plenty of interaction. Page two reads about as well as the best thrillers I have had the fortune of reading, and I honestly cannot conceive any reasons for you not making millions writing thriller books in RL, since you have all the talent required to produce works of the caliber required to make a professional career out of writing fiction. Just please proofread a bit better!

Now that I have finished spending the last three hours of my time enjoying some of the best writing I have read on NationStates in the last five years, please allow me to leave and have some dinner. It’s 8:47 P.M. in Arizona and I still need to do a few other things tonight.

---

Azura, would you be willing to critique my writing in Smoke on the Water? I realize that it has been a long time (two years as of this month) since we had anything to do with that thread, and that my writing today is of far better quality (especially my dialogue writing, which was mediocre back in 2010).

[New Azura]

Would anyone be up to critiquing and/or reviewing this thread for me?

The Daughter of Tsyion

I will state a few initial reactions to your opening series of posts which serve as the thread’s exposition:

The graphics are certainly a nice touch, and I wish I had enough experience and talent for using Photoshop and other programs to make as many graphics as you have been able to make for your collection of threads. By the way, I have almost no talent when it comes to MS Paint, so I have respect and admiration for those who can use it well. I have never seen somebody go through the trouble of creating a warning graphic either, but there’s a first for everything.

I will not accuse you of using words incorrectly or awkwardly, but you may want to exercise greater caution in how you select your adjectives. For example, you open with the words “The solemn winds.” Solemnity implies a certain heaviness, deliberateness, and sometimes even uniformity (as in a funeral procession). Nature tends to be spontaneous and varied.

I will excuse the occasional typos that plague even the best writers. Spellcheckers are only so effective and the only nigh-foolproof way of preventing errors from slipping through is to read the whole of the final text and make corrections before posting it, or edit any errors that are found before somebody else finds them and has something at which to snigger.

What is the darkness that crept into the king’s mind? Are you alluding to his death in The Awakening Beast?

You alluded to the beginning of Calixte’s relationship with Dariea (i.e. “The bonds of companionship which had first been forged in the secrecy of their tryst…”) but stopped without exploring that subject further. How did they come to meet? When did their relationship begin? There are some who might even want to know how Calixte’s inclinations toward other women formed, although we can only go so far before a “Mature” label is not enough and we hit the limits imposed by board rules. How did the king become suspicious of his daughter’s behavior?

You wrote several interesting things in your second post. For one, you keep up a semi-formal narrative tone throughout the first two paragraphs. The one exception to this rule was your sudden change to a warmly conversational tone that was more relaxed and informal and had several contractions quickly thrown in, writing “but a lot of it was purely luck, truth be told. He'd gone far and above what he should've been able to accomplish.” Control Room is usually not a proper noun and neither is Executive Officer when not used as a title (i.e. “Executive Officer Lieutenant Commander Xera” versus “The Elegance's executive officer, Lieutenant Commander Xera.” Again, this section is so well-written that I have to nitpick to find anything that could use improvement.

In your opening post, you cast the king as a character whose feelings were genuine and who love for Calixte’s mother has great depth. Using a description like “the man who f****d her mother” usually implies the opposite, since many writers use that kind of description to describe either a relationship where one partner uses (or abuses) the other. Calixte’s father loved here, but I take it she did not seem to love him, at least from what I read up to this point.

I am intrigued by your selection of the Maltese Cross and the bicephlous eagle as Azuran symbols, when RL cultures who use those symbols appear (to my knowledge) far different from Azuran culture. Nonetheless, it make an impressive letterhead. On second thought, further reading into the next post gives me the impression that many Azurans are Christian. This would explain the design of the letterhead.

The fifth and sixth posts read smoothly, though again, there’s not much character history or development among the military officers. Their “uselessness” is barely touched upon and I as the reader have little understanding of why Calixte cannot stand the Imperial Military Command or the Saeculum or anybody else. On the positive side, you did begin to develop the relationship more by revealing that Calixte and Dairea shared a dormitory, which may help explain more about them—but it was a passing reference. The pair is still a bit enigmatic. I also cannot understand what makes Calixte can love and hate her father and her country at the same time without any sense of internal division or contradiction. On top of that, what made Dairea so insane as to use Calixte’s office for her love-making.

Kylarnatis’s reply post was rather terse when you consider how much material there is to reply to, but it nonetheless well-written. I would be about as disappointed as you (though not as much as your characters) at not receiving any replies after writing that may expository posts. The narration of Calixte’s subsequent character development is also something to appreciate, especially when sufficient time is taken to savor the vividness of the imagery in her dream.

The dialogue between Viktor and Calixte is lively and engaging. Nonetheless, there were some mistakes. I think you meant to say “like rabid animals,” not “like rapid animals” about halfway through the post I am describing here. There are a few more mistakes along the way (i.e. threw the room versus through the room) but otherwise the proofreading is excellent.

After reaching the end of the first page, I was drawn into the writing and came to the point where the action finally assumed a uniform pace with ample development of the plot (and a little less character development, but plenty of interaction. Page two reads about as well as the best thrillers I have had the fortune of reading, and I honestly cannot conceive any reasons for you not making millions writing thriller books in RL, since you have all the talent required to produce works of the caliber required to make a professional career out of writing fiction. Just please proofread a bit better!

Now that I have finished spending the last three hours of my time enjoying some of the best writing I have read on NationStates in the last five years, please allow me to leave and have some dinner. It’s 8:47 P.M. in Arizona and I still need to do a few other things tonight.

---

Azura, would you be willing to critique my writing in Smoke on the Water? I realize that it has been a long time (two years as of this month) since we had anything to do with that thread, and that my writing today is of far better quality (especially my dialogue writing, which was mediocre back in 2010).

Thank you for the review, Monavia—I must confess however that I could write real-life thrillers when oranges learn to talk

I'll start reading as soon as I can in Smoke on the Water, though if it's the roleplay I think it is, then I should remember it very well.

[Premislyd]

Unsure if still open or not, but thought I'd give it a chance regardless.

Application to Join The Writing Project
    Nation’s Name: Democratic Union of Premislyd

    What Tech Levels Do You Write In?
    [X] Past Tech
    [X] Modern Tech
    [ ] Postmodern Tech
    [X] Future Tech - Just started to do Future Tech, so probably not the best qualified person to give advice on it.
    [ ] Steampunk
    [ ] Fantasy Tech

    Mark All That Apply…
    [X] I want to help others with their writing.
    [ ] I want to receive help with my writing.
    [X] I want someone to critique my roleplays.

Fixed some spelling errors.

[Maltropia]

Unsure if still open or not

I don't think we ever close.

[New Azura]

Unsure if still open or not

I don't think we ever close.

This ^

[Spooty]

Evening folks, I'd be happy if some of you could take a look at this and tell me what I could be doing better: United Forever (Closed)

The pacing could do with a little more work, it seems like the whole thing rushes past rather than each moment having its time to breath, settle and continue. I'd recommend, for instance, in the first few paragraphs before he speaks having a little more foreshadowing and internal thought mixed in with the cathedral description.

Overall the writing's fine otherwise, but I think the major flaw is in leaving player goals, this guide offers some good insights into how an opening thread can be both revealing, descriptive and, crucially, entice players into following the OP.