Not So United War

[Remparo]

Mornik has declared war on Remparo.

Long ago... the local tribesmen (Beformen) who lived in the area which is now Mornik, witnessed a large silver cigar fall from the sky. As it made impact with the ground it spread into a large fireball. They believed this was sent from their god, meaning he no longer loved or cared for them and went insane. The survivors were considered, The Masterpieces of God. After many years the "Masterpieces of God" put together the puzzle and figured out that Remparo had dropped the cigar(nuke).

The Masterpieces of God informed the leaders of Mornik, who immediately declared war against Remparo.



This is the story of the war...

[Mornik]

The people of Mornik, angered by this discovery, even more so by how the bomb tricked the population into believing the were "Masterpieces of god." The population questioned the authorities, and riots consumed the nation. Morniks leader, the Gruesome Greg, started telling the population that this discovery was wrong, and that it was the gods after all. Nik, now believing his false testimony, sent a massive invading force of what he calls "Expendables" on a charge on the southern portion of Remparo's homeland.

[Remparo]

Remparo's main source of information was woken in the middle of the night. The messenger of the Almighty Evil Hedgehog was getting a message from the all-powerful being itself. The voice told him this:
*An attack is coming that will threaten the entire population of Remparo. You must wake the townspeople, and warn them of this threat to the lives they know and hate. er, uh, I mean love*

The messenger jumped out of bed and sounded the cannons that signaled impending doom.
KA-BLAM, KA-BLAM, KA-BLAM!

The messenger went to the look out on top of the tallest shrine. Off in the distance he could see what appeared to be 90% of Mornik's population coming towards them.

[Mornik]

The "Expendables", carrying rusty handguns, bows, torches and pitchforks, made a slow charge, with the chant "End the hedgehog, end the hedgehog" over and over again. Across the open field, cannon fire was heard, and this sped up the charge on Remparo's closest city, Hedgetown. As cannons wizzed past like bolts of lightning, the "expendables" fired off pistol rounds and arrows, quickly overwhelming the once beautiful city. Burning citizens and houses raged, with only a small number of "expendables" taking casualties. After a long battle of 30 minutes of CQC warfare, the city was taken over, with the flag of Mornik raised over the city proudly. A perimeter was established, with reinforcements of more powerful soldiers coming with extra assault forces.

[Remparo]

After a devastating defeat in one of Remparo's main cities, Hedgetown, the troops were forced to fall back. News was sent to the weapon makers, who immediately started mass production on the main weapon: The Spiker.

The spiker is essentially a crossbow that fires incredibly sharp hedgehog spikes at approximately 150mph. Even with every weapon maker on the job, however, only 10 spikers were made every hour.

The 150 spikers that were currently functioning were sent to the front line. A rag-tag group of soldiers stood, defending Remparo's next big city: Almightia. There were 225 soldiers, 150 with spikers, 50 with slingshots, and 25 soldiers with nothing but a sharpened spike for a sword.

They anxiously awaited the attack from Mornik...

[Mornik]

Mornik's scouts, noticed the heavy line in front of another one of Remparo's major site seeing and residential district, immediately reported the line of defense to Mornik's central command for the assault. Sadly, during one of the close up missions, a recruit tried to get a closer look on a Spiker, and was captured by one of Remparo's grunts. His fellow colleagues, attempted to rescue him, but failed miserably and got them all killed. The Central in command of Mornik's military ordered a severe flank movement, and attacked from the right side of this major city. Remparo's peoples managed to organize quickly, and hold the line against Mornik. Mornik, flinging improvised molotovs (Sometimes empty) at the defenders, managed to advance slightly, but then were ordered to do a kamikaze charge. Many of Mornik's fighters sacrificed their life "heroically" and managed to make enough time for an assault. The "Expendables" Screaming, attacked at full pace, wiping out a ton of Remparo's fighters, but the Spikers proved effective, and on Mornik's suicidal retreat, an Expendable managed to steal one from a dead body, and escape with it and return it to headquarters. Mornik's military technicians are now trying to clone this device for Mornikian use.

[Remparo]

After their mostly successful mission, the soldiers were ecstatic. They exchanged many hi-5's. Unfortunately though, one hand slap caused a spiker to misfire and impaled a Remparonite through his left eye socket.

After the battle, some of the soldiers did a quick inventory and found that 1 spiker was missing. This scared them. If the sacred technology had fallen into enemy hands, the tool of light destruction could be used against them. They reported the missing spiker to The Messenger of The Almighty Evil Hedgehog.

The Messenger said that they must try to recover the spiker at any cost, and sent an elite troop of 5 soldiers to retrieve the spiker from enemy hands.

The Soldiers rode out on their mechanical hedgehogs to retrieve the weapon. Soon they found the retreating Mornikian troops. They charged but were quickly mauled by the troops. The Mornikian troops picked up the 5 extra spikers and headed back to base.

[Mornik]

The Mornikians, laughing at the Remparonites pathetic small attack, gathered the foreign technology, and returned to base where a helicopter flew away with the useful goods. With less money going to education, and more for the war ethic, 12-14 year olds started to arrive in the army, giving a special "Small spaces" force. The government sent a second attacking force to make camp on one of the "abandoned" islands nearby. Turns out, the island was full of grumpy, woken up Deminofarians, and this air force was majorly cut down, and the peoples in the aircraft had to make an emergency landing at one of Remparo's surrounding cities. The Remparonites immediately captured and tortured to give up information. The Mornikians, being the smart self preservative beings they are, immediately gave up as much information as possible to avoid pain. The prisoners now were put into POW camps. The Mornikian central unintelligent, not receiving more information, assume something has gone wrong...

[Remparo]

The Remparonite religious leaders were surprised at how quickly the Mornikian hostages gave up information. They didn't even get to gouge any of their eyes out. This made them mad, so they put the prisoners in POW camps to torture them there.

After seeing no sign of the 5 soldiers return, The Messenger wondered if he should have sent more troops to recover the sacred technology, but he quickly pushed this thought out of his right earlobe. The Almighty Evil Hedgehog needed to give him important advice, and he could not spend his time on trivial matters like if he just gave the opponents technology that could win them the war. He channeled his thoughts to the Almighty Evil Hedgehog.

*Guess what?* said the voice of the Almighty Evil Hedgehog

"What?" asked The Messenger

*Chicken butt!!!* called the hedgehog's voice.

"Anything else?" asked The Messenger

*Chicken Pelvis!!!* replied the hedgehog

"What! That didn't even rhyme!" said The Messenger, getting irritated

*Oh, whaa, whaa. Theres no point in not trying... It almost rhymed though* stated the hedgehog

"Ok, whatever. so what did you want to tell me?" asked The Messenger, getting tired of asking all these questions

*Ok, but I must warn you,* said The Almighty Evil Hedgehog, *It's very important.*

"What is it?"

*HI!!!* screamed The Almighty Evil Hedgehog

The Messenger proceeded to throw very heavy objects out of his 8th story room.

Remparo continued to stay at a standstill, waiting for Mornik's next move...

[Mornik]

The Mornkians, confused by the slow and little enemy resistance, decide to get reinforcements yet again, (A massive bar fight happened the previous night) and set a perimeter with slightly less ragtag weaponry. The forces found vantage points, made camp, and prepared for the worst.

[Remparo]

The Remparonites realized that they were going to need another big weapon to win the war. Scientists quickly made a prototype of a crossbow(the favored weapon of The Almighty Evil Hedgehog) with an explosive point. The catch though is that it can be detonated at anytime, or automatically detonate after 2 hours, guaranteeing the most casualties. The prototypes were sent to the front lines for testing against the Mornikians.

[Mornik]

The Mornikian army, now backed up by a powerful force of elite troops from Tharsland, charge the nearest city, Almightia. The Mornikian army fires off rounds with cannon and arrow fire wizzing past. As the Remparonites weakens the front lines of Mornik, the Mornikians throw there newest military breakthrough at the targets (White phosphorous grenades stolen from Fazo). These powerful flame grenades destroy the defenses of Almightia, and the troops are forced to retreat. The Mornikian army, advances into buildings, it is nearing night-break. Mornikians take camp in abandoned buildings, with a paranoid eye watching at all times for any attacks.

[Remparo]

The shipments of explosive point crossbows arrived soon after the Mornikian attack on Almightia. After 5 days of work only 5 crossbows had been made, each having only 4 arrows. The new crossbows had increased technology for the auto-kablouey function(which allowed all arrows on the same frequency to be detonated at once) which made the spiker crossbows un-compatible.

The Remparonites, gave the new technology to 5 of their best soldiers and launched an attack on Mornik's newly gained land.

[Mornik]

As the Mornikian troops slumbered, including the one watch guard nicknamed "Sleepy," the Remparonites launched an attack. Nobody quite sure knows why, but regardless of the stealth opportunity, the Remparonites charge, screaming their famed battle cry. The Mornikians, drowsy and slow to react, attack with little force, and the Remparonites quickly overtake many of the buildings. The remaining Mornikians are ordered to commence a last stand, against impossible odds. The Remparonites attack in waves, generally getting tougher and tougher as time goes on, and the Mornikians buy incredibly overpowered weapons from chalk on the wall. The Mornikians last stand goes down, but not without a puny fight/surrender. The streets and blocks now once again belong to the Remparonites. The Mornikians close the radio as the last scream is heard.

[Remparo]

After the booming success of the Remparonites latest weapon, they marched right past Almightia and tried to regain Hedgetown.

They started to attack using their previously effective wave-style attack, but were quickly defeated, most likely because of the strong Mornikian force in the city. They retreat to camp and debate over a new strategy.

[Mornik]

Mornik, unable to send reinforcements due to a heavy civil war (Nykios), have to cut spending on Remparo. As the Mornikians stuck in Remparo's city of Hedgetown run low on supplies, many Mornikians give up, and surrender. Many Mornkians feel they have no choice, and charge the small coastal city of Verl, and quickly take over they low armed city. Mornkians get more support from Tharsland, and hunker down, waiting on Remparo's next move.

[Remparo]

After noticing that Mornik was pulling in backup from other allied countries, Remparo contacted the Emirate of Evil-Shark-Ninjas and asked them for help.

This turned out to be a bad idea since the Evil-Shark-Ninjas proved to have bad aim with their atomic bombs (which is even worse since Remparo had just asked for a normal bombing run) and hit Verl, which was a very environmentally friendly city with many nature reserves, and a specified no-no for the bombing area. The Remparonites quickly cut off communications with the Evil-Shark-Ninjas.

[Mornik]

The Mornikians charge the nearby city of Verl, and are completly oblivious to the radiation, thinking it was just "A small heat wave." The Mornikians soon get major radiation poisoning, and only 1/3 of the attacking force makes it back. Tharsland's "Siege Tanks" arrive, and enter siege mode at the perimeter to help defend Morniks portion of Remparo.

[Remparo]

Mass production of the Explosive Tip Arrows [ETA(not to be confused with Estimated Time of Arrival{Which will frequently be abbriviated as ETA too and cause lots of confusion})] has started, and the company is churning out 3 per hour. An astonishing speed for the low technology levels in Remparo. They send the new arrows to the front line and wait for an attack.

[Mornik]

The Mornikians decide to employ a biological warfare stratagy. Mornikians get shipments of zombies, and lure them to the near well defended city of Remper. The zombies attack the well defended city, and the Remparonites are confused when many zombies don't die as they use their employed battle strategy of of "Aim for the knee" does not work. The explosive tip arrows rip through the ranks, and soon after much ammo is wasted, the Mornikians charge, employing a massive encirclement around Remper. The Mornikians set up siege tanks, and defenses. They then wait, hoping to starve them out, along with occasional shells and shots into the city.

[Remparo]

After seeing the siege being set up around Remper, Remparo decides to spend time and holy pieces on a side mission. They break into Gwazi's high security pokemon storage room. After having experts disect which pokemon would be the best to take, they head to the Magicarps. They take 150 pokeballs, which all contain level 1 Magicarps, and are getting ready to leave, when one team member says "I think Rayquaza, Ho-oh and Lugia are good too. According to the games at least."

Hearing this news the team decides to look for the 3 pokemon. Little did they know that the previously mentioned pokemon were one of a kind, and could not be contained by pokeballs. After searching for 15 minutes the team decides to leave. Guards meet them at the door however, and send out their Tyranitars and Garchomps. The Remparonite theives send out their Magicarps and look at the moves the pokemon know. "Use Splash!" they all yell simultaneously. The Magicarp just stay there and do nothing. "DAFUQ?!?!" they yell. Just as the guards are about to call out their moves, Remparo's backup team (armed with Normal Crossbows, with one ETA) flank the guards and kill them with one ETA. The pokemon however, survive and turn to fire their Hyper Beams at the backup team. While they turned around, the Magicarp Team grab random pokeballs and tell the pokemon to attack the Guard Pokemon. The most effective was a Starmie, which quickly eliminated the Guards.

After the successful mission, a helicopter arrives and takes them back to Remparo.

[NewtGingrich]

Occ

Well Gentleman, this is a bit embarrassing. Umm, hey my nation dumped a "poop-pod" from a passing airplane. It was meant to be a ocean drop, but we missed.

[Gwazi]

The CEO of the Pokemon Storage Room (PSR) analyzed the damage by the thieves. 6 guards had been killed and 8 pokemon needed urgent care. He checked the shelves and found how many pokemon had been stolen. 154 Magicarps, 2 Squirtles, 1Torterra, and a Starmie. "Things could have gone a lot worse." he mumbled, then contacted the pokemon center and asked for an ambulance big enough for 4 Tyranitars and 4 Garchomps. The sirens could be heard in the distance.

Gwazi's leader Dy was notified of the theft. He was disappointed because of Gwazi's previously good relationship with Remparo. *If they would have just asked, we would have sent our most powerful teams to help them* he thought. But for the sake of the country, something had to be done. He sent huge fleets of pokemon teams over to Remparo.

Gwazi had joined the war...

[Remparo]

After extensive training, the new Remparonite pokemon trainers cannot figure out why the Magicarps they have stolen are still completely useless. They immediately fire their "pokemon experts" and search for new ones. Soon enough new "experts" are found. The new experts decide that Rampardos is a good pokemon to get, but still cannot figure out why the Magicarps suck.

Remparo starts to plan for their next attack on the PSR.

[Gwazi]

Predicting that the Remparonites would attack the PSR again after realizing the Magikarps were worthless. They set up Shuckles as defenses since they have the best defense stat. Behind the Shuckles they set up Porygon-Zs with the new scientific upgrade for them increasing their hyper beam power and speed by 200%. With these defenses they wait for Remparo's attack