20 - Placely Placington
Melty - Melty Is My Name
Melty - Melty Is My Name
Tune: PtheG - She's Mad
E Oe fared a little bit better in Buaka than they did the last time they competed. Granted, it would've been impossible to have worse than they did back in WV98 where they got the first nul points of the televote era with the highly intense Uoiauai, but it was still noteworthy. Here, they not only got points (seven in fact; one from Norrp and six from someone else) but they also finished second from last. In fact, the only person that did worse than them was Tummylandia and Susistan who got five. And technically Aicrowan Canada who got no points from the jury on their debut but had ten televote points to wipe their tears with. Either way, a tolerable result. Not that Dave McDaverson cared, as he had managed to snag a trade deal that should hopefully keep his country afloat:
"Sir, the new shipment's come in." Television Director said as he opened the door to Dave McDaverson's office. There were plenty of empty glass bottles strewn about while Dave McDaverson sat in his chair, eating something out of another glass bottle with a spoon.
"Good, good. Remind me to thank Millenhaal again for it." Dave said as he ate the contents of another one of those glass bottles, an indiscernable brownish-pinkish sludge.
However, Television Director had noticed there was something starting to go wrong with Dave. "Sir, what is in that baby food anyway?"
"Radiation, apparently." Dave said, now immediately jaundiced. "Why?"
"Just checking, sir." Television Director said. "Anyway, do you have any ideas who we could send to the WorldVision Song Contest this time?"
"I'm not sure." Dave said, now with massive growths all over his body.
"I'm sure you could figure something out, sir." Television Director said before he looked over at Dave McDaverson. He was now dead. Turns out that irradiated baby food wasn't a healthy and nutritious snack after all. TD rolled his eyes and then headed down to the Clonomat rooms.
Shortly afterwards, a revived Dave McDaverson came out of the Clonomat room and asked his #2. "So what happened?"
"You ate some of that baby food and it seemed to have killed you."
"Preposterous!" Dave McDaverson scoffed at the idea and then marched back up to his office. Television Director waited in that spot but he didn't have to wait for long as, another five minutes later, another newly cloned Dave McDaverson came into view. "OK, you may have a point."
"Anyway, as I was asking, do you have any ideas who we could send to the WorldVision Song Contest?"
"I don't know. Melty apparently has a new song he wrote the music and lyrics to. Let's send that. Besides, I have something planned for the next edish, but it's a bit too early for that."
And, with that, Melty was sent over to Deportedass. Desportas. Doporthodox. And, with that, Melty was sent over to Britonisea. Of course, there's the various amount of issues of sending a perpetually melting person over to a different country. You have to get the melting flesh stains out of all the seats, the carpets, the floors would need a good steam clean afterwards. There's the risk of shining lights down on him to make him melt even faster. There was the possibility of people slipping on parts of him on the Titian Carpet over at that WorldVision Village thing (where the invites for him as well as the Placely Placington All-Stars to perform at it mysteriously got lost in the post); it had already happened when they were filming his postcard in Machievelihe (or Machiavelli as he kept calling it) and he had to deal with people either stepping in puddles or lumps of him or slipping on his trails. And there's the fact that, well, it's Placely Placington, the country that stinks up the lower 5th or so of the leaderboard. But hey, maybe this song would do fairly well. We'll have to wait and see.
Anyway, written by Melty, composed by Melty, here's Melty with his song "Melty Is My Name". Take it away, Melty.
The postcard came to an end and we get a shot of the stage. On it, a lone figure was just standing there, a figure who during the parade of nations just kept melting as he walked to where he needed to go until he became a near-sentient puddle by the end of it (it also didn't help that the audience immediately stopped cheering while he was around and only picked up again after he left). Meanwhile the audience at the foot of the stage and around it were mostly silent, with the only real sound being a scant arrhythmic applause. You know how it do. When that died down, it was time for the music to start. And what did we get? A clunky, off-beat dirge with horribly slurred vocals, almost as if the eternally melting person on stage was trying to make the unofficial sequel to Zasvyet from WV98. Let's hear it anyway.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (hey, yeah, yeah, Melty)
Yeah
Whether it be because the lights were a bit brighter than the last time he performed, or the arena was a bit hotter than the one in Zafizamarrah, Melty seemed to be melting a bit faster and harder than usual. When he performed I Hope Satan Brings Me Lots Of Presents For Christmas at WV93 he still kept his general shape for most of it. Here, he was simply pouring down and making a mess all over the stage. I dread the poor sod that has to clean that up. Oh yeah, performance wise, he wasn't doing much, just waving his body around and making small movements around the stage.
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
Anyway, Melty just waved his body to and fro while bits of him either kept spilling down or he started to sink into the stage. Meanwhile, backstage, two workers were arguing with who would do what when it comes to cleaning up the dropped off bits of the Placely Placingtonian performer and who would mop up the stage so it'd be clean for the next act. It somehow managed to get caught over the intercom but shortly after they noticed it they managed to turn it off so the audience wouldn't have to hear it. It's still probably more interesting than the song itself.
I'm melting all the time
I'm melting while I rhyme
Melting in Doportedas
I'm melting where they got class
And the conversation not only fired back up again, with them also complaining how they don't get paid enough to do this job and how it wasn't part of the description, but it also managed to drown out a bit of the song as well. Fortunately, they too managed to unmess it up before it really affected the song. Besides, Melty wasn't doing anything of note during this bit so let's just carry on with the song.
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
OK, now this sped up bit wasn't part of their argument, it was just the recording messing up and accidentally including a conversation from the other side of the booth. Damn cheap, crap Crustylandian equipment. Anyway, during this bit, the arm that was holding up the microphone dropped off and landed on the ground with a dull wet thud. Fortunately or not, depending on how you look at it, Melty picked it up and not only reattached it to his body but also carried on singing as if nothing had happened.
I'm melting for Placely
The best ever statelyyyyyyyyy
Melt in Britonisea
Melt and be just like me
Shit, I have to add something for the rear projector? Er, it was just a bunch of generic shapes flying around. Fortunately they were flying around slowly enough that it actually fit the whole speed and mood of the song. From time to time there were multicoloured blobs falling from the top of the screen to the bottom, occasionally making a splash when it landed. I don't know, this isn't the sort of song that requires a huge elaborate nation. Or country. Plus my internet decided that it wanted to go back to 1996 while I was writing this paragraph.
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
And then we got the bridge. As he sang, he kept leaning forward. It didn't seem that noticeable at first given Melty's general and bizarre anatomy but his head seemed like it was about to drop off his neck. It became more obvious by the third line and then, during the fourth line, it eventually gave and his head landed with a soft thud. Also his arm fell off again, although it landed it in a good enough place that the microphone was in front of his mouth. His body fell backwards while his head kept singing.
Meltyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Meltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Meltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Meltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Final chorus. Nothing else to say here other than it's nearly the end of the song.
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
Melty is my na-ame
And melting is my ga-ame
After Melty finished singing, we immediately got something sounded like a producer tag. At least, that's what Melty was going for anyway, since he did compose and produce the song.
IT'S MELTY
After that came to an end, it was just 15-20 seconds of outro music. Nothing particular exciting. And there was even less excitement when the song just stopped. No one clapped or applauded. Melty let out a "Thank you, Doportedas." but, again, nothing from the audience. Eventually, one of the stagehands who was arguing while the performance was ongoing came onto the stage and swept Melty's head into a big bucket, followed by the rest of the mass that was his body before sticking the arm in like it was a straw. The other stagehand, meanwhile, just went around the stage with a steam vac just to clean up the streaks left by partially-melted humanoid flesh. On the upside, at least ISA from the lovely land of Besen will have a nice clean stage to work with.
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