Ðe United Provinces and Territories of Ðe Furbiſh Iſlands
Evening, Þurſday 5 Auguſt 2021
Yuri Lenin sat in federal prison for months, awaiting trial. The prison is on a remote island, the site of a former prisoner of war camp, which was later converted to a prison. Just over three months ago, “paſtrygate”, a conspiracy theory that the Furbish government was behind a child sex trafficking ring, went viral over 3chan, an imageboard frequently visited by Lenin. Comète, a bakery in the National Aſſembly building, was at the center of many discussions, and that was where Lenin visited with an illegally bought assault rifle to investigate. He fired many shots into the walls and floor, until he was arrested on multiple charges, including illegally obtaining his assault rifle, endangering the lives of the hundreds of people present at his shooting, and sending death threats to his employer, which he did after he was fired and just before he traveled to Boſton for his attack. His trial was scheduled to begin the next week.
As it was the evening, Lenin was sent to his cell, which resembled a cheap hotel room more than what many would imagine a cell to look like. He had a wooden chair and desk and some shelves which inmates can place any objects they wanted on, though Lenin kept them mostly empty. Outside their cells, inmates had many things to do, such as going to a gym, taking classes, or going on walks. The guards are not armed and are encouraged to interact with the inmates. Lenin stayed alone mostly, wanting to talk about paſtrygate but most still treated it as a joke. He sat on his bed, turning on the television and flipping through the channels until he got to FBC News. Philippe Chaufourier was reporting the nightly news, which Lenin was about to flip past, but he saw a picture of a women’s beach handball game. He was too focused on that, and not on what Chaufourier was saying, talking about how the Furbish Handball Federation is looking into the women’s uniform requirement following an international scandal and the Dunferm Handball Federation doing the same. When he moved on, Lenin rewinded and paused at the image.
“Controversy ensued today following the announcement that the Furbish Army chose Mendenhall to replace the aging attack helicopter fleet over Božena.” said Chaufourier, completely oblivious to what happened in a prison in a remote island far away from his studio, “AFÐFI Chad Grosderhan said this was done for political reasons because the government dislikes Hrvadan government policies. The Army argued this was not the case, and explained why they chose Mendenhall’s bid in a press conference. Grosderhan then made a video with a former Army officer who explained why they were wrong in the assessment, though the officer in the video has been dishonorably discharged from the Army for incompetence.”
Chaufourier took a moment to recollect himself after reading that, wondering for neither the first nor the last time why anyone would vote AFÐFI after everything he said about them in the last few decades, then continued, “The Hrvadan Parliament passed a bill calling the Confederacy of Kaguan Republics an expansionist power and Antarctic Circle State a supporter for their recent weapons deal, and levied sanctions immediately. Following this, five Furbish companies which were previously given contracts by the ACS to build a high speed rail network threatened to pull their contracts in an open letter, unless ACS would end weapon sales to the CKR.”
The letter was displayed on screen, which Chaufourier read.
To ðe government of ðe Antarctic Circle State:
Bohšsa & Šakvin Inc., Dubuisson Inc., Groupe Infrastructures Énergie et Construction, Spoorwegbouwbedrijf Inc. and Werfel Inc., (herein referred to as ðe companies) have been awarded contracts by ðe Antarctic Circle State (herein referred to as A.C.S.) to conſtruct a hiȝ-ſpeed rail network in ðe country. However, it has come under ðe attention of ðe companies ðat ðe A.C.S. made a deal wiþ ðe Confederacy of Kaguan Republics (herein referred to as C.K.R.) to ſell weapon ſyſtems to ðe C.K.R.. Ðe companies can not ſupport ðe recent expanſioniſt tenancies and human riȝts abuſes of ðe C.K.R. ƿich have come to liȝt. For ðis reaſon, ðe companies demand ðe A.C.S. end all weapons deals wiþ ðe C.K.R. or ðe companies will have no choice but to end all contracts in ðe A.C.S..
Chriſtian Moreno, Chief Executive Officer of Bohšsa & Šakvin Inc.
Paiſly Gardner, Chairwoman of Bohšsa & Šakvin Inc.
Peter Luttenberg, Preſident of Bohšsa & Šakvin Ettela
Alfred Hetz, Chief Executive Officer of Dubuisson Inc.
David Ott, Chairman of Dubuisson Inc.
Wolfgang Trúchtingerscherer, Chief Executive Officer of Groupe Infrastructures Énergie et Construction
Jonaþan von Bingen, Chairman of Groupe Infrastructures Énergie et Construction
Machiel Bruggemans, Chief Executive Officer of Spoorwegbouwbedrijf Inc.
Martijn Krijgsman, Chairman of Spoorwegbouwbedrijf Inc.
Aſhton Matþews, Executive Chairman of the Ferbitrein Consortium
Anaya Harris, Chief Executive Officer of Werfel Inc.
Rafael Roldán, Chairman of Werfel Inc.
“CKR responded by claiming the former was an attack on the sovereignty of the ACS and an attack on their sovereignty would be considered an attack on the CKR. They also stated they plan to take action against Ðe Furbiſh Iſlands for the actions of the five companies.” said Chaufourier. “What the fuck is wrong with them.” he thought, for neither the first nor the last time in his decades’ long career.
“The Furbish government has yet to respond to these events.” he said.