Foundhome National Register
&
Crazy Coupon Clipper Courier
The Foundhome Republic's Newspaper of Record and Savings!
&
Crazy Coupon Clipper Courier
The Foundhome Republic's Newspaper of Record and Savings!
Unreal Estate
Government officials unconvincingly deny reports of coveting neighbor's stuff.
Government officials unconvincingly deny reports of coveting neighbor's stuff.
Balloons float in a dumpster outside the Northern Epillo Congress Party's headquarters in Coralaken F.D. last week. Banners inside the dumpster read "Welcome to the Family, Vin---". It is assumed that the grungy bits were "land," though it could also have read "cent," "essa" or "ny." Our independent researchers were unable to confirm before being chased away by a raccoon.
Coralaken F.D.—Members of the Northern Research & Recovery Corp were unceremoniously rolled out of bed, presented new maps, and told "Go! Go! Go!" last week. As they stumbled out of bed and began exploring the newest territories to be reclaimed by the Foundhome Republic the bleary-eyed explorers could be forgiven for thinking that certain rumors would have meant that they would be having a couple of weeks off. "I mean, I know that we were eventually going to claim this last bit of land to the north attached to our continental territory—that was part of the Republic before the Bad Day after all—but what about this fiddly bit attached to the northwest?" asks expedition quartermaster Steven Huyang as he tries to align his map with his GPS. "I mean, where are we? What even is this island? I thought that we were going to claim parts of Vin..." He is cut off as the other members of the expedition tackle him to the ground.
With fellow Fifth Sovereign Charter member Skjoldur temporarily ceasing to exist earlier this month, rumors of attempts to annex that nation's territory of Vinland began to spread like wildfire across the "bush telegraph" system of Coralaken F.D., and the political "rumor mills" began going into overdrive as assets and funds began moving through the "grey channels" in support of the supposition that the Foundhome Republic had designs on "totally grabbing up all of that sweet, sweet land."
These rumors have been actively squashed and denied by government officials starting the very moment Skjoldur re-integrated itself into the Charter's reality.
"We of course would never attempt to annex the sovereign territory of one of our fellow Charter members!" states a rather sweaty Marton Ngo, Undersecretary for Continental Issues at the Foreign Desk. "Especially not one with whom we have shared a peaceful and mutually beneficial border with since we returned to this planet after the Bad Day. We of certainly did not sit up until the early hours of the morning trying to figure out the quickest way to legally claim all of that territory!" continues Ngo, a pool of perspiration forming under his chair. "We did not begin imagining what it would be like to own the biggest city in Northern Epillo, and have that crucial deep water harbor where merchant ships and ocean liners come and go daily to ports in Jiqaz and Rome under the snapping banner of the Green & Gold Banner. Certainly not!" he states, as he begins to weep gently.
"We accept the reality that Vinland is the legally accepted and sovereign domain of the Jarl of Skjoldur," states National Abolitionist Party Media Liaison Viola Nguyen, her fists clenching. "We accept that the law within that territory is beyond our control, whether we find the treatment of the aboriginal peoples of Epillo under the jackbo... governance of Skjoldur reasonable or not," she states, her jaw clenching and her teeth grinding. "We harbored no fantasy of being able to unshackle the poor "goblins" of Vinland and restoring their civil rights whatsoever, and any reports to the contrary are just wishful thinking... on the media's part and ours" she says before adding, "Did I say that last part out loud? Nuts."
"The interplay between Skjoldur and the Republic along our border has been beneficial to both nations, and has long contributed to the lasting peace experienced in Northern Epillo," said Presidential Media Coordinator Mike Gyunen, "and we certainly do not want to lend any credence to the rumors that we have designs over Vinland. Certainly not! We benefit greatly from the tourism that comes to us from Skjoldur and its territories—you know, the second largest in the charter with the military that is far more modern and much larger than our own— and we wouldn't want to do anything that upsets our relationship. I can personally deny any involvement with the president and my office in particular with any plans to announce any such silly suggestion," he says, refreshing his phone's browser search for "Skjoldur," "Vinland," "Gyunen" and "Fired" several times as he does.
With nations like Aexorouwyth disappearing recently, and the national territory of the Foundhome Republic consisting of lands made up of colonies of defunct national powers that occupied them during the events of the Bad Day, it is reasonable to expect that sometimes whatever makes it so that entire countries disappear off the planet the Fifth Sovereign Charter sits upon would affect the Republic. However, this newest iteration shows that even such events are not irreversible, and that the Foundhome Republic should not give itself over to visions or fantasies of some sort of manifest destiny.
Addendum: Reports in financial media purporting to show that the Register had purchased office space in the largest city in Vinland and a stake in several media outlets in that territory are unrelated to the events described in this article. Really. No, really... we mean it.
—R