Ridiculous News Stories from Your Nation

[Aarla]

OOC: Title says it all. Just post the most silly/comedic/ridiculous news story from your nation you can come up with.

THE IMPERIAL PRESS

Alleged Serial Pranking Between Nation’s Armies Results In One Man Shot, Top General’s Underpants Stolen

Multiple sources within the Kospian military claim that the latest in a series of pranks between their nation’s army and that of Aarla went wrong last night, leaving one Aarlan soldier in Kospian custody with non life-threatening injuries. It is alleged that around 1:40 AM last night, a task force of seven Aarlan soldiers infiltrated the home of Kospian Major General Harold Hansen and raided the general’s underwear drawer. Reports say that one member of the task force was shot by the general’s home security as they attempted to flee the scene of the raid. The other Aarlan soldiers are said to have then abandoned their comrade and escaped in a military van disguised as an ice cream truck with the general’s underpants.

When asked to comment on the situation, Aarlan General Niles insisted that there was never any pranking between his unit and General Hansen’s, but added that if there was, it definitely would have been Hansen’s fault.

This was contradicted by several sources in Aarla’s Imperial Army, claiming that serial pranking between personnel under the command of Niles and Hansen was started by Aarla itself. Allegedly, when Aarla lost a war games exercise against Kosp late last year, some men from Nile’s unit painted Hansen’s personal vehicle bright pink. Hansen’s unit is said to have then retaliated by placing stink badgers in Aarla’s barracks. Currently there is no word on whether talks to return the captured Aarlan soldier or the general’s underpants are underway.

[SatoSere]

A 14-year-old male student throws 10000 hryvnias worth of coins into the statue of Serena in the middle of Kiev, in the hope that he gets a girlfriend.

[Western Fardelshufflestein]

It seems that I have been summoned.

A WF man launched perfectly good cheese from a trebuchet in New Hamletberg 21 August. He has still not revealed his motive for doing so.

[Kyundao]

A disgruntled taxpayer lights a paper bag full of his own feces on fire in front of an unpopular politician's house and skips town while the politician repeatedly stomps on it. The taxpayer has not been identified yet and his motive currently remains unknown.

[Aarla]

THE IMPERIAL PRESS

Geeky Lass Fends off Robbery at Knifepoint With a Pipe

It was approximately 10:30 last night when Herman Keller was walking home with his wife that the pair heard a cry for help coming from a nearby alleyway. Herman told his wife to stay put and call the police while he rushed in to aid the distressed individual. What he found was local board game cafe employee Maxine Everie beating a man with a piece of pipe from the nearby construction zone. It took a shocked Mr. Keller several moments to notice the dropped switch-blade on the ground by Ms. Everie's would be assailant.

"I see this lady with a pipe just beating this guy on the ground over and over and he's shouting 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!'" Mr. Keller told the press in an interview earlier today. "I told her 'Stop! You're gonna kill him!' and she just looks up and me and says 'Oh' and then stops."

Mr. Keller remained at the scene until police arrived at which time the assailant was taken to the hospital and Ms. Everie was questioned.

"I'm walking by the construction site and this guy pulls out a knife and tells me to give up my wallet." Ms. Everie told the Imperial Press. "Then there's this pipe right by my feet, just the perfect length, and I'm thinking: If D&D's taught me anything it's that piercing or bludgeoning, a D4 is still a D4, plus my weapon's got more reach. Anyway, this guy's not expecting me to fight back, so I figure I can get some sneak attack damage in if I pick it up and take a swing. Bam! turns out I rolled a crit and down he went. But if there's one thing that zombie movies have taught me, it's that you always have to double tap. Don't let 'em fool you into thinking your good just 'cause he went down once, so I just kept swinging until this other guy shows up and is all like 'Don't kill him!' and I'm like 'Oh. I guess I shouldn't'"

The assailant remains unnamed at this time but the River City PD has told us he will not be pressing charges against Ms. Everie for the assault.

[Outer Acharet]

A zookeeper organized a contest between a gorilla and a professional javelin-thrower to see who could throw more accurately. After being threatened by the gorilla, who had beaten its opponent over the head with the pointy stick it was given, the zookeeper declared that the gorilla had won the contest.

[Moltr]

Eirstad Sentinel
01/01/1998
Drunken Man Robs the National Bank
Someone who had a bit too much alcohol after yesterday's events successfully took all of the kroners inside of the National Bank. Countless people protested outside of the bank as their money had been stolen. Officials cannot identify the man, as all security footage seemingly vanished. Only eye-witnesses can give the police any details, but most of them were also considered to be drunk at the time. As of now, thousands of people demand a full-scale investigation of the incident, but the head of the police force has a massive hangover right now.

[Brettenwald]

Just FYI, you should probably ask a moderator to move this over to Forum 7.

[Yooper]

March 9, 2012:

A Man catches 5 feet long fish meat, only to realize its a piece of Tarp!
On 8:55 AM Sunday, a man was fishing when he caught what appeared to be fish meat 5 feet in length, only to realize it was just a salmon colored tarp.