Ace's Bizarre Adventure (Private)

[Planet Illysia]

Solange put her hands behind her head and literally looked to be doing a body pillow pose. "Of course. Any friend of Ace is a friend of mine~." She said. "If there's anything Planet..."

She remembered Ace's text and had a slightly devilish grin.

"Unukalhai Rest is good at, it's at least the military tech, hmhm?"

Ace groaned and facepalmed. If he remembered correctly, that was the scientific name of a mostly forgotten planet that was even worse than Illysia.

[New Castillan Empire]

Solange put her hands behind her head and literally looked to be doing a body pillow pose. "Of course. Any friend of Ace is a friend of mine~." She said. "If there's anything Planet..."

She remembered Ace's text and had a slightly devilish grin.

"Unukalhai Rest is good at, it's at least the military tech, hmhm?"

Ace groaned and facepalmed. If he remembered correctly, that was the scientific name of a mostly forgotten planet that was even worse than Illysia.

Both Salazar and Aguila were swooning over Solange for a moment in a near comedic manner.

Zorro groaned as he laid his head back. "Please, excuse my rudeness, but if you keep doing those lewd poses, they're going to be up all night *ahem* 'putting their thoughts in their hand' to you at night, which means I'm going to be stuck on coffee for another few hours. Trust me, my room is right next to Salazar. It's even worse because your friend here sleeps in the same room as him, and as well all know, Salazar has a thing for humans..."

"What? I can't resist it! It's the humans' fault for being so damn cute!" Salazar justified as Guido sighed.

"At least give us the courtesy to send us out of the room if you're doing your stuff. When a human's doing what you do, it's just as awkward, if not only slightly less..." Guido complained.

"Augh, TMI, compadres!" Quickfist said. "Anyways, Unukalhai Rest...? Name sounds familiar..."

"...it was the hotel we stayed at in Nueva Vasco, right?" Quickfist mentioned as she munched on a chimichanga.

[Planet Illysia]

"Well excuse me for being comfortable." Solange snarled. It didn't help that the only thing she was wearing was a luxurious red robe.

Ace was silent.

Meanwhile, on Unukalhai Rest...

Boom! The relentless rain of artillery fire was cut short by a flurry of whistles from officers. A horse of British-looking soldiers poured out of their trenches and were kept by a hail of gunfire.

[New Castillan Empire]

"Well excuse me for being comfortable." Solange snarled. It didn't help that the only thing she was wearing was a luxurious red robe.

Ace was silent.

Meanwhile, on Unukalhai Rest...

Boom! The relentless rain of artillery fire was cut short by a flurry of whistles from officers. A horse of British-looking soldiers poured out of their trenches and were kept by a hail of gunfire.

"Alright, it was nice meeting you, but half the guys here are popping hard ones, and the last thing the boss wants is another fiasco like the Castro Beach incident or that time when Salazar made that deepfake of Queen Celaeno..." Quickfist said.

"No, it wouldn't be indeed." A shady-looking man said in a continental African accent, which startled the whole group as they found their leader, Santino, behind them, eating an enchilada.

"Holy shit, where did you come from?" Aguila said in surprise.

"I've always been here. Guzman y Gomez is the way to go for enchiladas, no?" Santino chuckled. "Anyways, nice to see you all here. Especially the cowboy. I've been told you may be the one who had taken down a group of Mafiosos of the Uruguayan family down in a place conveniently out of my grasp, right?"

[Planet Illysia]

"Well, well. If I'm not wanted here...I'm kidding. Ciao." Solange said. She hung up.

Ace looked back. "One and the same." Ace said, grinning and tilting his hat back. "You must be the boss man a' this here group." He'd offer a handshake.

[New Castillan Empire]

"Well, well. If I'm not wanted here...I'm kidding. Ciao." Solange said. She hung up.

Ace looked back. "One and the same." Ace said, grinning and tilting his hat back. "You must be the boss man a' this here group." He'd offer a handshake.

"Pleasure to make a deal with you, my gunslinging acquaintance, even though my opinion of you as of now is rocky... but who knows." He said, shaking Ace's hand.

"Intriguing. I'm guessing my colleagues here have made you feel tense about our meeting by assuming I was going to yell straight off the bat at you in an angry rant." Santino as he pulled out what appeared to be a futuristic tape recorder from his jacket with headphones plugged in, handing it to him. "Luckily, all my anger was contained inside this recording here, in case you feel at all like I was going too easy on you upon our prior meeting. Don't worry; I've already established that you'll help us get this problem off our backs, along with Guido here. In simpler terms, you break it, you buy it."

"Uh-huh." Zorro commented. "So... what do you exactly have on the table for us tonight?"

"Nothing as of far. I had used my networking capabilities and faux informant accounts to bring the law into potholes and other gangs apart from the Vibaros. The better we can isolate them before the strike, the more we can focus directly on stopping their little crimefest without worrying about the law. With major criminal organisations, it's not like taking down a few armed robbers or street gangs and bribing the guard who saw it all. If we garter the attention of the cops whilst we're already deep into combatting the Vibaros, they'll be onto us like a swarm of angry bees." Santonio said while pulling up a hologram, showing up a screen with several faces and profiles on them.

"And that means?" Quickfist asked.

"It means our next operation may not come sooner than we'd wish... or it will. But it also does mean this next mission is going to penetrate the Vibaros in a position where they'll be unable to recover, specifically their own loot stock inside their grand safe. And after that, we'll spearhead their entire headquarters and take the entire hierarchy down from there." Santino said, turning off the hologram after. "I know, it's happening all so quickly, but time isn't exactly cuddling with us on the couch watching romcoms, now is it?"

Santino then got up, putting the holographic device in his suitcase and left the restaurant. "Expect my call whenever comrades. Adios."

[Planet Illysia]

"Al...righty then." Ace replied. He'd cross his arms. "I'll always be ready." Ace stretched. "Guido, mind if I pull you aside fer a moment? Cool." Ace quickly got out of the booth.

[New Castillan Empire]

"Al...righty then." Ace replied. He'd cross his arms. "I'll always be ready." Ace stretched. "Guido, mind if I pull you aside fer a moment? Cool." Ace quickly got out of the booth.

"Sure thing, amigo." Guido said, before turning to the group. "Espera, comorados, ya vuelvo!"

He then followed Ace out of the booth for a moment to talk to him. "What is it, amigo?"

[Planet Illysia]

Ace checked to make sure there was no eavesdropping.

"I told Solange to pretend she wasn't from Illysia. Problem was, she substituted it for an even worse planet. Unukalhai Rest, nickname Trenchia, is literally a primitive planet that's been at war fer 214 years." Ace explained with a hushed tone.

[New Castillan Empire]

Ace checked to make sure there was no eavesdropping.

"I told Solange to pretend she wasn't from Illysia. Problem was, she substituted it for an even worse planet. Unukalhai Rest, nickname Trenchia, is literally a primitive planet that's been at war fer 214 years." Ace explained with a hushed tone.

"Wait, she told them youse were from Trenchia, amigo?" Guido said. "Dude, you're lucky you called it that other name and there were no interstellar officials around, or else you'd be on the news for all the wrong reasons. Like, worst case scenario is you can only travel back there because everyone's so convinced you came from there, and plus a thousand journalists coming back with you. I mean, same thing happened to some Sangrelfa amigo who got deported to Nirn because he wanted to make himself tougher by saying he was a 'Thalmor'. I don't know anything about Nirn politics, but point is, you've got to cover your tracks better."


Guido then sighed. "But you've got a better, yet slightly worse situation, because Unukalhai is a province in Nueva Vasco, coincidentally, and now bets are everyone thinks you're Basque. Might not seem bad at first, but seeing as you don't even know a lick of Spanish, it'd be a nightmare for you having to learn Basque language, too. But don't worry, outside Nueva Vasco, nobody speaks Basque on a daily basis, unless... well.."

Guido gulped as he finally sighed. "...unless that little Basque lie leaks out and the journalists from Basque-language media all come after your ass and speak their weird and linguistically isolated tongue, furthering down the path to exposing you as an Illysian."

[Planet Illysia]

"G'damnit, Solange. That damn goofball! I'll have to boo her. If everyone knows I'm a golden man on the run, I'll have to split. I'm under royal protection, so who knows what kind of vigilantes would come after me!" Ace whispered and checked for eavesdroppers again.

[New Castillan Empire]

"G'damnit, Solange. That damn goofball! I'll have to boo her. If everyone knows I'm a golden man on the run, I'll have to split. I'm under royal protection, so who knows what kind of vigilantes would come after me!" Ace whispered and checked for eavesdroppers again.

"Alright, alright, easy... it's okay, just listen. You know Salazar, right? He knows a guy who works real deep in military communications. Like, deep as in he's the one who helps organise the missionaries and assists in interstellar diplomacy. I'm going to try and coax him into getting a universal translator for you to help along with the guise that you're of Tejan-Basque background. It'll enable you to speak and reply to anyone in any language within the borders of the empire. Portuguese, Spanish, Catalan, Galician, Elvish, Tejan Creole, Italian, you name it. Problem is, it's a lengthy process, and we're also gonna need to convince Salazar without giving away the fact that you're Illysian, okay?" Guido said.


"Hey, come on, pendejos! You done making out yet? We're going!" Quickfist called out.

"Shit, sorry. Guess we just need to figure this one out, okay? But just stay low, and play it cool. You can speak that gringo Ingles for now, but don't make too many appearances until we figure out the translator dilemma." Guido said as the rest of the crew walked out.

"Hey, you two remembering to do your little masturbación mutua in a tissue this time? Come on, let's go." Quickfist teased as Guido rolled his eyes, walking with the rest of the group to the van.

[Planet Illysia]

"Shut yer damn mouth!" Ace snapped in a more humorous manner. "Alright, let's get the hell out of here."

Ace thought about ways to keep a low profile. He could always get a mask, or fight stealthier, or maybe avoid appearing publically. He had to develop some sort of secret identity. It didn't help that it would be difficult to acquire a translator device without giving up his true identity...

[New Castillan Empire]

"Shut yer damn mouth!" Ace snapped in a more humorous manner. "Alright, let's get the hell out of here."

Ace thought about ways to keep a low profile. He could always get a mask, or fight stealthier, or maybe avoid appearing publically. He had to develop some sort of secret identity. It didn't help that it would be difficult to acquire a translator device without giving up his true identity...

As the group went back into the hover van, once again Quickfist activated the autopilot, getting up from the chair to go to the toilet inside the van as Salazar went back to his video game and Guido figeted with an arrowhead.

Meanwhile, Zorro had reclined back on his couch as he still went sipping on an orange soda, before looking at Ace.

"I'm honestly surprise the boss didn't get onto your ass like he usually does everytime we screw up like that. Maybe it's public courtesy. Santino always has a gentlemanly edge to him. A nice, graceful gentlemanly edge with an air of mystery, one that makes you feel like your whole life's just one romantic adventure with him..." The masked vigilante sighed, swooning over the thought of Santino, before snapping out of his daydream. "Oops, shit. Sorry about that. But still, you're really not that bad for a gringo. I mean, the thought of how many women you could get in such a guise is astounding, you'd be sending Guido green with envy! I mean, I have a similar debonair on me, because I have women flocking me all the time, but... let's just say I'm not the type who's into girls."

[Planet Illysia]

"No wonder you looked disappointed when y'saw Sol. Though she would be some twink er somethin." Ace gave a wheezy laugh. "Ain't that somethin'." He added on.

"Anyways, thank ya kindly. I always try to be smooth as hell." Ace began, before going off on a tangent. "I dont like shootin shots. The lady oughta come to me. I ain't give anymore signs of interest than a couple glances."

[New Castillan Empire]

"No wonder you looked disappointed when y'saw Sol. Though she would be some twink er somethin." Ace gave a wheezy laugh. "Ain't that somethin'." He added on.

"Anyways, thank ya kindly. I always try to be smooth as hell." Ace began, before going off on a tangent. "I dont like shootin shots. The lady oughta come to me. I ain't give anymore signs of interest than a couple glances."

"Ah, good. It shows modesty, no? Like, it shows you're not in it for the fame or the bitches, you just do your job and that's that. I admire that in a guy, but it's gonna get to you eventually, just like it did to the rest of us. Santino's gotten off the hook mainly because he works undercover. He doesn't want statues built of him like the rest of us, he's a pretty serious guy when it comes to this stuff." Zorro mentioned as the van had stopped in front of the apartment once more.

Suddenly, as they were walking out, Zorro himself world see two men armed with steel knives terrorise a young woman in an attempt to mug and rape her, restraining her as they took her purse and jewelry to go through. Zorro immediately drew his lightsaber and went marching towards them.

"¡Espera, señorita, ya voy!" He called out before being stopped by Quickfist for a moment. "No, Zorro. We've got the new guy here, and we haven't seen what he's capable of yet." the Filipino said as he turned to Ace. "How about you try and stop this little facade? Remember, don't let them harm the woman or get away with any of her belongings, ay?"

[Planet Illysia]

"If a demonstration's what yer' wantin," Ace said with a smirk. His smirk quickly turned into a sharp, menacing expression. "I'll give you one."

Ace narrowed his eyes and could be heard quietly mumbling a sort of report to himself. "Lightly armed...melee...likely unskilled-" Ace cut himself off and began speedwalking towards the bandits, popping the knuckles of his human hand with his robotic one and unleashing a nasty glare upon the two common thugs. He'd hover his human hand over his holster and hold a fist, raised just a little bit, with his other arm.

[New Castillan Empire]

"If a demonstration's what yer' wantin," Ace said with a smirk. His smirk quickly turned into a sharp, menacing expression. "I'll give you one."

Ace narrowed his eyes and could be heard quietly mumbling a sort of report to himself. "Lightly armed...melee...likely unskilled-" Ace cut himself off and began speedwalking towards the bandits, popping the knuckles of his human hand with his robotic one and unleashing a nasty glare upon the two common thugs. He'd hover his human hand over his holster and hold a fist, raised just a little bit, with his other arm.

As the two thugs looked at Ace for a moment, they suddenly paused. The one restraining the woman had suddenly thrown her down as he slowly moved towards him with an angry snarl.


"Este no es tu negocio, esé. Ahora, vete a la mierda con nuestro negocio ahora." The criminal said as he pointed his KA-BAR-esque knife at Ace.

[Planet Illysia]

Ace moved forward in a flash-step of sorts and sent the bandit flying off into a building. Ace pointed a robotic fist at the other bandit and gave him a taunting look.

[New Castillan Empire]

Ace moved forward in a flash-step of sorts and sent the bandit flying off into a building. Ace pointed a robotic fist at the other bandit and gave him a taunting look.

"Oh mierda ... oh mierda, tu eres el diablo! ¡Me voy a la mierda de aquí!" The other bandit screamed as he panicked and ran away from the scene, dropping the handbag in shock. The rest of the team has astonished looks, Quickfist's being a little bit envious.


The woman put his hand on Ace's arm. "G-g-gracias, señor... Nunca olvidaré esto." She said, wiping the tears from her face.


"Holy shit... you're not too bad, gringo." Quickfist reluctantly said.

[Planet Illysia]

Ace chuckled. "I told ya'll what was what." Ace said. "But the real thing'll be plenty visible on our next lil' escapade. That's fer sure." The outlaw explained with crossed arms.

[New Castillan Empire]

Ace chuckled. "I told ya'll what was what." Ace said. "But the real thing'll be plenty visible on our next lil' escapade. That's fer sure." The outlaw explained with crossed arms.

"Hm. Well, just stick to your guns, cowboy. I'm the brute fighter around here, kay?" Quickfist sternly said.

"What, you scared he's gonna outdo you or something, amigo?" Salazar mentioned before Quickfist walked towards him, pausing for a moment before kneeing him between his hindmost pair of legs, the insectoid man crying out in pain as he held his alienoid 'bangers-and-mash'.

"Oh... dios mio... third time this month..." The bug man said as he held his crotch, incapacitated on the floor, as the rest of the crew went inside and back up to the apartments.

Meanwhile, in a safehouse in the Los Tetas district, Guadalajara...
Inside a house that had plenty of room and the lights typically dim, a man clad in what appeared to be a Pancho Villa costume with an armoured chest plate and shoulder armour, armed with four sparklock pistols on holsters on his thighs and hips, as well as a lightsaber holstered on the back of his belt.

"Evening, amigos. I see we've all finally arrived." The man said in a thick Mexican accent as he put a cigar in his mouth and lit it with the sparklock mechanism of an unloaded pistol. "Now that everyone's present, let's get down to business."

"My name is not important, though you can call me by the name of Bendición. Now, I have lost some men after the almighty outlaw Ace from that shit-dump planet of Illysia and his friend who's with the Vigilante Corps stopped my grand heist on the big jewel shipment in Veracruz. So, I am in need of some new generals to join me in my little plan to help not only reclaim what's rightfully mine, but make a little bit of cash on the side with that beautiful eleven-million-dollar bounty our little redneck friend has" The man said as, some near-tearful ambitious expression in his tone as he mentioned the bounty, looking to the group in front of him.

"Sinyail Kororin, leader of the Official Thalmor Guild of Castilla." The leader said to a man who was of High Elf appearance, clad in some odd officer uniform with assorted warriors and footmen clad in armour and steel, medieval weapons tagging behind him. The man simply nodded as he smiled to Bendición.

"Captain 'Diablo' David Gomez, the most ruthless and legendary pirate who ever sailed the seas on the Eastern seaboard." Bendicion then said to a 5'4 man clad in a pirate outfit complete with a pegleg, an eyepatch, a sheathed cutlass-like lightsaber by his side and a thick, coal-black wooly beard, alongside some sort of miniature dragon on his shoulder. His own men would be dressed as piratic crewmates, armed with assorted melee weaponry as well as a few muskets and blunderbusses, mostly lightsabers, axes, pikes and baseball bats.

"And, of course, the accomplished Ikhal Effendi Apek, the utmost excelling agent the Ottomans have ever produced." He said, pointing to a woman clad in a janissary costume holding a sort of sword cane with a pommel shaped like a wolf, with a group of Arab soldiers tailing her and holding sparklock jezail muskets with lightsaber bayonets.

"Some of the most despicable, most feared leaders in all of history. Gentlemen, really, it's just fantastic to be able meet you all." Bendicion stated with an oddly excited tone as Captain Diablo scoffed, Sinyail stared with a snobbish look of pride and Ikhal smiled and replied with a "Teşekkür".

"All I ask is your allegiance, and in return, I offer you a share of this man's great bounty of eleven million dollars, plus the luxury of all the goods they've been immorally pocketing. Are there any questions?" Bendicion asked.

"Yeah, I got one. How come you're wearing that silly hat?" Sinyail said in an slightly German-sounding accent, pointing to his sombrero.

"What do you mean silly hat? This is a sombrero! It's the height of fashion around here!" Bendicion replied, slightly insulted. "Now, any other questions?"

"Evet. That stupid giant slouch hat you're wearing, do we have to wear one of these, too?" Ikhal asked in genuine curiosity.

"Were you not listening? I just told Senor Kororin here that this 'stupid giant hat' is a sombrero, and it's not goofy! It's not a slouch hat either, very big difference." Bendicion said, visibly annoyed. "Now, are there any other questions that are not about the hat?" He said as the three leaders simply went silent and shrugged.

"All right, then. Moonlight is wasting, and the time is short." He said as suddenly Diablo gave an offended look.
"Aye, when ye said 'short' there, why'd ye gaze at me, landlubber?" Diablo yelled, sounding like an Irish Yosemite Sam before Bendicion apologised shortly after.

"Also, quick word, if we get noted on any term for this as the men and women who captured Ace, then of course, I am interested. But first I want to clarify something." The Turkish woman said. "As you know, the Ottoman and Castillan government are absolutely at each other's throats, and I don't want to pop up on anyone's bad list. Alot of my colleagues say "Ikhal the Ruthless", but that's just like 'Oh look, Ikhal the Ruthless, she's so ruthless and cruel like the Muslim Ottomans. I'd rather think I should call myself "Ikhal the Sexy!' You know? A femme fatale, a fierce and hard-to-get action hero! Good, no?" She said, posing in a sultry manner while winking.

"Err... whatever. Duly noted. Now, I'd like to wrap up the old meet-and-greet by asking you amigos a question. Are you with me?" Bendicion said as they all complied. "Then bring the Vigilante Corps' heads to me on a platter, and let Ace be my waiter in chains!" They said as they all then left the base.

[Planet Illysia]

As the crew stood around in the apartments, something stirred in the dark alleys of the city.

"Tch...looks like home." scoffed an elegantly voiced man.

He wore a high tech suit, with baggy pants and metallic boots under a grey-blue cloak, and a visor of energy that formed from a headset.

A bandit looked his way before scampering off. "Feels like home too." The man scoffed. He was in a shitty mood, certainly. He had to protect the greatest plague on his homeworld, after all.

[New Castillan Empire]

Meanwhile, up in the apartment...

As Quickfist was busy polishing her toenails, Aguila calibrating his wings and the other five playing a game of poker together, a notice popped up on the intercom on the holographic device they had. As Quickfist went over to activate it, Santino was the one calling in, holding some files within his hands.

"Good evening, gentlemen. I hear you friend here had demonstrated his raw muscle power on taking out two bandits robbing a woman; all well and good until he makes too big a name for himelf. Anywhom, I had just received a tip by some Sangrelfa informants that the Grand Museum of Hispanic History in Nueva Mexico City is about to be hit by the Vibaros after closing time. They're planning to take the crown jewels of Spain, Portugal, Mexico and Brazil, as well as several valuable Earth artifacts such as Gaddafi's pistol and the armour of Hernan Cortes. I need you to be over there within the designated time of 2:00AM Thursday sharp, and be extremely wary; I've had to bust through several security programmes to access the plans they shared with each other in their emails, so if I am correct, they'd be expecting us. Good luck, and God bless you. Adios." Santino speeched before the intercom switched off.

"Alright, amigos. Nueva Mexico City. It'd usually take a man in a regular vehicle about a week, but if I shift the van to overdrive on its' warp, it should only take us a day. We'll have plenty of snacks in the van, don't you worry, amigos. The beds are extendable from the couch, too, but a number of you are going to have to sleep in the same bed, si? Got that? Alright, let's move." Quickfist said as the crew went into the van.

[Planet Illysia]

"Shoot. I swear to God, it ain't gonna be me who shares a bed with one of you." Ace said, looking around for anyone who would dare to dispute this. He'd enter the van and look around. "Not bad, not bad. Anyways, the Vibaros ain't shit. Cheaper'n'dime'a dozen, I tell you that. I'm worth at least a hundred of 'em. Course, no one's bulletproof, 'cept maybe Klawguttah here, but anyways. Case y'all ain't dealt with 'em too much, don't expect a big fight. A little planning and they'll be a mound'a bodybags in no time." Ace boasted.

Ace went for the most secluded seat he could find, and started cleaning his gun off a bit.