Univesité impériale
Villeneuve, Lyncanestria
7 June 2018
(Co-written with Azura and Montemayor)
Guillaume had been at this for the better part of the last two hours, and he was fast approaching the back cover of the book but by now the words seemed to blur across the page, even with his glasses on. Granted, it was more than likely due in part to this section of the library’s shoddy lighting—but his exhaustion was to blame above all. The Prince took his glasses off and leaned back in his chair, letting out a defeated sigh as he did as though to signal the end to his last-minute cramming efforts. Lately he had been lacking his needed sleep; the final exams, end-of-term projects, and his most recent breakup all had contributed to his recent dysfunctional sleeping patterns. But while he still sometimes mulled over his failed relationship with the Princess of Beroea, he had tried hard to move past it—to a varying degree of success, depending on the day. Today it seemed was a particularly good day, as he was reminded with the arrival of a very special friend.
The Prince of Lihnidos, or rather a prince of Lihnidos, Athan Vasilou. Despite having attended many of the same events, and mingling within similar circles throughout their youth—Athan’s Audonian mother was adamant about rearing her children in Lyncanestria as much as she could—the two had not gotten around to forming a close rapport until this very school year. They found themselves sharing a class together last semester; an introductory course in political theory that they had both found quite boring. For Guillaume, despite his area of study being political science he was never all that fond of theory; for Athan on the other hand, as a student of zoology, didn’t care at all for the nitty gritty of politics.
Throughout the semester they frequently met to review, study and prepare for assignments and projects. And of course, to attend social gatherings held by different clubs and organizations on campus. Guillaume had gotten Athan into Lyncanestrian football, and they would often attend Fleury games on the weekends. Athan had, in turn, gotten Guy to join the photography club; for the few times he happened to tag along that is. The semester had served to bring the two much closer than before, and they had indeed formed a strong friendship. So strong and close, in fact, that Guillaume would sometimes think that there was more there than just a friendship.
“Hey,” Guillaume began, “I’m glad to see you finally; how long has it been like a week? These days have been so hectic for me, I sure hope your finals week hasn’t been going as bad as mine.
“Longer than a week, I think.” Athansios—or Athan as he was known to his friends and family—unshouldered his bag and threw it on one of the chairs around Guillaume’s table. He unzipped it and shuffled things around inside before pulling out a laptop and notebook.
“And, yeah, I think it has,” he complained, his sullen expression confirming his sour mood. “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.” He hesitated, looking at the open chairs around the table before finally pushing his laptop and notebook to the space beside Guillaume and sitting down.
He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. “One of my cousins told me I was an idiot for trying to get a degree in something practical. Maybe she was right.” He flipped open his laptop and notebook and let out a short laugh. “But you don’t want to hear my stupid complaints. You’ve been going through this for twice as long as I have, you have it way worse than me.”
“Oh please,” Guillaume rolled his eyes, “it’s precisely because I’ve been here twice as long I shouldn’t have left studying to the last minute… yet again.” He moved up in his chair, visibly reinvigorated from his earlier state as he adjusted his slouched posture. “Besides, pursuing zoology is not a walk in the park and you did great last semester; I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.” The Lyncanestrian prince closed his book and gathered his disorganized mess of notes and papers scattered around the desk to make room for his friend. “Anyways I think I’ve crammed as much as I could for today,” he signed, “how many more exams have you got left today?”
“Just one, thank God. My second semester of organic chemistry. I’ve been studying all day and I still don’t feel very good about it.” Athan flipped through several pages of his notebook, barely looking at each page before moving on to the next. The tiny scrawled words accompanied by small drawings fit tightly on each page and would take forever to read over. “I know it’s not a walk in the park, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about dropping it and trying something different. That would sort of ruin any chance of veterinary school after this, though.”
“Oh for sure. And I’m certain future you wouldn’t forgive you if you dropped; you’ve always loved animals. I still remember that one time we were at the Villeneuve Zoological Park,” the Prince recalled, “you knew basically all the animals there as well as their taxonomic names.”
Finally finding the page that he had stopped on earlier in the day, Athan looked over to Guillaume with a small smile. “It’s a bit more complicated than knowing what each animal is, but thanks for the vote of confidence. You said I don’t give myself enough credit, but I think you give me too much.”
“Well that’s because I have to make up for the credit you don’t give yourself,” Guy retorted. “Plus I still think that knowing what the hell a Coquerel's sifaka is without looking at the enclosure label is is pretty impressive. I know Agatha certainly thought so,” he nudged his friend jokingly. Not that Agatha was Athan’s type, what was “Athan’s type” anyways? but he couldn’t pass up a chance to tease him a bit. “You know she’s been dying to get into your pants… or any guy’s pants actually; I heard last week she hooked up with Joël or one of those Sigma Thêta douches. There’s so many of them I lose track most of the time.”
“Joël is an idiot, so it wouldn’t surprise me if they did. One of the guys on the field hockey team told me he heard her talking about me with some of her friends last week. Probably thinks she can luck into getting pregnant and having a child that would be given a place in the line of succession. Not that it would work, but she doesn’t seem like the kind of person to plan things out. Plus, um...” Athan turned his attention back to the open notebook in front of him. “She’s not really my type anyway.”
So he does have a type.
“Wow Athan, cynic much? But yes, I do it’s too much of a stretch to think Agatha could plan anything beyond the next hour, so it’s highly unlikely she was hatching such a nefarious plot against you and your family.” Guillaume chuckled, “Anyways, how goes hockey? Do you guys not play anymore and just sit around the locker room and gossip? You haven’t invited me to a game in months so I was under the impression the season was over.”
“Yeah, actually. The season ended in November. Things won’t really heat back up until August. We still practice every once in a while, but until then most of the time the team spends together is gossiping in the locker room like you guessed.” Athan said the last part sarcastically and let out a laugh. “Not that it would make much of a difference if that was really what we did. We can practice all we like but we still don’t seem to do very well during games.” He grinned. “I blame it on the fact that the majority of the team members are Lyncanestrian.”
“I take extreme offence to that!” Guillaume cried, clutching at his chest. Despite the fact that this place was usually empty, two students had quietly entered the hall while the two were engaged in their conversation. Having seemingly been a little too loud in his exclamation, evidenced by the other students’ menacing glare, the Prince lowered his voice back to an acceptable level. “That actually hurt my feelings, you know?” he whispered, “And here was I thinking it was a matter of practice, apparently it runs in our genes to be bad hockey players… but I’ll concede your point though it pains me. I don’t know much about field hockey, but in ice hockey our teams are terrible so I’m told.”
Athan sat back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. It was obvious he wasn’t going to be studying anymore before his chemistry final. He felt guilty knowing that there was at least two chapters he wouldn’t get to review, but he enjoyed talking to Guillaume too much to end their conversation. “I played field hockey for four years before coming here. A lot of the team members didn’t start playing until they started here. Maybe I’m just too hard on them, but then again, I’ve seen your ice hockey teams play, and you’ve heard right. So maybe it is that Lyncanestria breeds bad hockey players… I’ll have to get you out on the field some day and see if you’re right.”
“Bah, you’ll never get me on the hockey field. I’m notoriously allergic to this thing called sports; I hardly even play football anymore,” Guillaume said shaking his head. “You know the only reason I went to your games was for the good food afterwards,” he joked… and for the company? “But while we’re on the subject of getting out, you should come attend our spring concert; this Saturday is our last performance of the year, and for me, the last performance of my undergraduate career. The repertoire is actually a really cool and I think you’ll like it; even the non-connoisseurs of classical music enjoy Carmina Burana.”
“And here I was thinking that you came to support the team,” Athan feigned disappointment. “It’s probably a good thing the season ended,” he said, glancing at Guillaume’s midriff. “Excessive eating and no exercise can get someone out of shape pretty fast. Even if you won’t come and play field hockey you’ll have to start coming to the gym with me. It’d do you some good,” he joked. “As for your concert, we’ll have to wait and see. I’m scheduled to fly back to Lihnidos tomorrow morning, but I’d hate to miss it. You know how much I like the viola.”
“You’re leaving so soon?” The news had come as a surprise to Guillaume, who looked visibly upset now, indicated by his frown and furrowed brow. “Your rent is paid for the rest of the month, though, no? What’s the rush for?”
Guillaume’s expression caused Athan to develop a frown of his own. “It is, but my mother called me a few days ago and said we were invited to some kind of party at the Imperial Palace tomorrow evening. She wanted to go as a family… But I could probably convince her to let me skip it,” he tried to reassure his friend. He hated to see him upset.
“Oh no, please don’t do that.” Guillaume quickly interrupted, fixing his facial expression to one of sincere denial. “I’ll be fine. Spending time with your family is too important; I’m sure they’re dying to see you anyways. As a matter of fact, I should be thanking them for allowing me the privilege of your company this semester. We can always see each other over the summer anyways right?”
“It really wouldn’t be a problem,” he lied. “No one would even know I’m gone. There’ll be like a hundred people there and none of them are going to be searching me out. My mother would be the easy one to convince, actually. My father, well… let’s just say he’d be a bit more adamant.” He stopped for a moment, thinking about how his father would react to being ignored. It was his mother who had told him about the invitation, but it was undoubtedly his father who told her to get him home for it. His mother would probably be fine with him staying in Lyncanestria year-round. “I don’t even want to go that much.”
“You make a very compelling case, but I wouldn’t want you to upset your family. Honestly, it’s fine; we’ll see each other over the summer holiday anyways, right?” Guillaumes eyes wandered up as if to signal deep pensiveness as he tried to recall the different opportunities for a friendly reunion. “There’s the National Day gala at Beaulieu that your mum’s invited to, and don’t forget that state visit to Lihnidos in August I’ll likely be going on. Plus there’s likely to be a very important wedding or some other fancy event that seem to be happening on a yearly basis.
“Besides if you’re ever this side of the border visiting your family or whatever you know I’m never too far away.”
Guillaume’s willingness to meet over the summer break was encouraging, yet it probably only left Athan with more suspicions and unanswered questions. He was giving a vibe of overanimation at the prospect of meeting again so soon.
“I’m not sure I’ll be in Arcadia during the state visit, but my mother always ensures that we attend any events we’re invited to in Lyncanestria.” He smiled and looked off to another part of the library, thinking about how many times she had made his father reschedule or cancel plans. “I think she feels homesick at times. She has so many pictures from her childhood in Chaumont. I catch her looking at them every once in a while. She just smiles and changes the subject if I ask her about it.”
He turned back to look at Guillaume, arms crossed over his chest and feet stretched out under the table, making him slide down in his chair slightly. “She was the whole reason I came here. It was my idea, but she was the one to convince my father to allow it. He wanted me to go to one of the officer academies and join the military like he did.”
He tucked his chin into his chest and winced at the thought. His father had always tried too hard to make them have things in common. Athan had always tried to oblige, but it had always felt forced and he never enjoyed himself. It wasn’t until one day when his father took him flying in a small Arthuristan-made Bombard Duchess that they finally found something they enjoyed doing together. Unfortunately it didn’t take long for his attitude to sour towards flying as well. After he revealed he enjoyed it, his father took every opportunity to tell him he should try to become a pilot in the Lihnisodi Air Force. His father had spent four years in the air force flying fighter jets, so it was yet another example of him forcing his interests on his son. They hadn’t gone up together very often after that.
“Not that that’s a bad thing,” Athan continued quickly. “I thought about it. Briefly. It’s just not something that I wanted to do.”
“So what you’re saying is that you’ve always been too much of a free spirit for your family’s liking? Can’t say I can I relate much to that, but as you know my mother can be pushy at times. She takes the role of empress way too seriously sometimes; my dad on the other hand, while strict to a degree, would never force anything on me or my siblings. As a matter of fact,” he leaned in closely, scanning the dusty and scantily populated, quiet room as he did, “I was actually considering a degree in music performance,” Guillaume admitted. “Granted, I didn’t actually ever start studying music and went right into pre law, but it was nice to know my dad would stand behind the choices I made.
“I don’t think you should be this harsh on your father; after all, he is your dad. And fathers want what’s best for their children.”
“I guess you’re right,” Athan conceded. He had never had a dislike for his father, their relationship just wasn’t what it could have been. They lacked common interests, and that made it harder for them to spend quality time together. Maybe instead of him trying too hard I’m not trying hard enough.
“Yep,” Guillaume reaffirmed the Lihnidosi’s reply, “C’mon Athan, when am I not right? I could probably be a part-time counsellor if I wanted. I give the most solid advice, huh?”
“Maybe, but you thought getting involved with Teresa was right. Look how that turned out.” Regret washed over him as soon as the words left his mouth. He knew that Guillaume’s now-ended relationship with the princess of Borea was a sensitive topic. He snuck a glance to his right. “Sorry… I shouldn’t have said that.”
Guillaume let out a soft chuckle, but if you looked at his face you’d see that the comment was indeed biting at him. It wasn’t much the fact that he missed Teresa as a lover, or a girlfriend or whatever she had been; but rather because this was his second attempt at a relationship and his second failure. One which had solidified in his mind something that he had tried to suppress for so long.
“It’s alright, Athan. You’re actually striking a good point,” the Lyncanestrian prince began. “I gave myself bad advice; and the sad part is that it was against my better instincts. Who was I trying to fool?” Guillaume sighed as he shook his head, signaling to Athan the disappointment that Guy had at himself.
“It’s like whenever you have that feeling in your stomach right before you do something you just know will end up a disaster. It was just like that. Teresa didn’t deserve this. It’s not that I didn’t know it would end up badly; it’s that I chose to ignore that little voice in your head telling me to stop. We really tried to make it work, you know? But I simply couldn’t get over…” his voice trailed off before he finished his sentence.
“Bah, it’s in the past now. We’re in the present, huh?” Guillaume struck a smile, or at least he tried, as he turned back to Athan. “I won’t make that mistake again, trust me. I’ve come to terms with it.”
Not feeling any better after Guy’s explanation, Athan gave a sympathetic smile while avoiding eye contact. “Well, that’s good then, right? It sounds like she did you a favor. Now you can move on and look for someone you’ll be happy with.”
The pair sat in silence for several minutes. Athan clicked aimlessly between tabs on his laptop’s web browser trying to appear busy while hoping Guy wasn’t paying too much attention to him. He was aware that he should have been studying for his chemistry final, but all that went through his head was what his friend had said.
Who was he trying to fool? Ignoring the voice in his head telling him to stop? Athan knew that he should have left well enough alone, but it bothered him too much. “You said you knew it would end badly,” he stopped playing with his laptop and clasped his hands in front of him on the table. “How could you have known that?”
“I just knew I could never really be fulfilled with her; nor could I, in turn, fulfill her.”
Guillaume smiled as he turned to his friend and took a deep breath as if contemplating whether or not to speak what had suddenly come to his mind. Up to now he had willfully ignored what most others would have probably deemed as something beyond friendly. The embraces, playful banter, long stares and glances. It was dawning on him that perhaps Athan felt the same way. As he raised his gaze back towards the Lihnidosi prince, Guillaume deeply hoped he had not been mistaken in his realization.
The sudden lunge forward in his direction seemed to have caught Athan unaware, but what came next surprised him further: Guillaume pressed his lips on Athan’s, giving into those feelings he had tried suppressing for so long.
Athan knew that he should have pulled away, should have stopped Guy as soon as he leaned towards him, but it happened too fast for him to react. The initial shock kept him frozen in place, his body tense while his mind tried to make sense of what was happening. Just as Guy did, Athan too believed that their relationship had seemed to move past a simple friendship at times. The difference was that Athan wasn’t yet willing to accept what that would mean for him. He had spent so long denying his feelings; suppressing any thoughts he had been raised to believe weren’t normal.
For now though, at just this moment, those concerns disappeared. All of Athan’s suspicions had been confirmed. The shock quickly wore off, and along with it the tension that had kept him stiff and unmoving. He leaned in towards Guy slightly, welcoming the kiss and encouraging it to continue.
The two locked lips in what was no more than a few seconds, but seemed much more than that to the two of them. This is what Guillaume would never have been able to have with Teresa, and he regretted ever wasting his time following a road which led nowhere. Now it seemed he had found what his heart had been yearning for so long; and what he had had tried to repress for months. The Audonian prince pulled back, opening his eyes once more to see Athan, his cheeks rather flushed like his own, smile, if only for a minute.
“This is why it would never have worked with Teresa,” Guy finally spoke up. “As much as I liked her, I could never like her that way.” He raised his eyes at Athan in a manner that could be interpreted as being suggestive, even raising an eyebrow. Extending his arm out, he placed his hand on the Lihnidosi’s, “I didn’t like her the way I like you, Athan,” he finally confessed, as if their kiss hadn’t already evidenced the fact.
Instead of a response, Athan turned his head away from Guy, the smile that had been on his face just a moment earlier turning into a frown. The joy in his eyes was replaced with doubt and denial. The concerns that had been forgotten just seconds ago came rushing back. What am I doing? he asked himself, forcing his eyes to the floor in shame.
The worries that had plagued him for so long began to flood his mind. What would my family think if they found out? What would they say? Most of his family were devout Fabrian Catholics, but even those that weren’t seemed to agree with the general consensus in his home country that how he felt—who he was—was wrong. He had even believed it himself. And unfortunately for Guillaume, part of Athan still did. This simply couldn’t be him.
With scrunched eyebrows, a deep frown, and sadness in his eyes Athan looked back at Guy. Guy had confided in him, trusted him, showed him his true feelings. It had been everything Athan had wanted, but also everything he hadn’t. And now he was going to betray it all, simply because he wasn’t ready to accept himself for who he truly was.
“I can’t do this.” Athan pulled his hand away from Guy’s. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He rose from his chair quickly, shutting his laptop and notebook and gathering up his things around him.
As Athan gathered his things and turned away, Guillaume remained seated and frozen still, visibly fraught with dejection. Closing his eyes, the Prince shook his head to signal the regret he now felt at opening his heart to the other. Guy slowly lifted his head back up, where he saw Athan fling his bag around his shoulder and, without as much as a backwards glance, shuffle away towards the stairs.
Unburdening his heart of the feelings he had concealed there for so long was a relief, but its price seemed to have been too steep for Guillaume. His actions had caused him to lose a good friend, or at least it appeared so to him. Impulsively, he reached into his pocket and took out his phone, as if by instinct he felt a need to explain and apologize; make up for this as soon as possible, admit a mistake was made and try to bring things back to the way they were.
But Guillaume knew there was no going back. Indeed, for a split second he had felt there would be no need to go back and the two of them would move forward together. Alas it seemed this would not be the case. At least not yet. It had taken years for him to come to terms with who he was, why pressure Athan if he was not ready?
He’ll come around eventually, he thought to himself, the heart always wins.
At that moment, Guy put his phone back into his pocket and gathered his things; it was now just a quarter hour until his final exam and he was not about to end his undergraduate career on a bad note.