Delmonte wrote:The Chancellery of Foreign Nations
Of the Most Serene Republic and Grand City of Delmonte
"In Bellum Pax; Per Pax Prosperitatem."
Dear Madame,
It is not out of diplomatic import, but rather an intense morbid curiosity, that I respond to your incredibly poorly written missive. What you wrote was not only grammatically absent, but also worryingly self-contradicting and filled with myriad obvious attempts at braggadocio. If I had to say one good thing about what you wrote to me, I suppose it would be this: It was very
earnest. I genuinely believe that you penned every last word of this mind-numbing, inbred attempt at politique with the utmost sincerity. Which makes the third trimester abortion you generously refer to as a "letter" all the more laughable. But when I say laughable
this time it is in a different sense than in my last communication to you. This is a combination of funny and nervous laughter. The kind of laughter you have when an idiot who was kicked in the head as a boy says the damnedest thing to you, but you're also kind of worried he's going to snap one day. Or the kind of laughter you share with a foreign exchange student who's very nice, but you're really quite glad when he's gone.
Without further ado, I shall now plunge into the feces-ridden rabbit hole that is your "letter" in order to try and decipher your incredibly creative interpretations of "logic". You begin the glorified run-on-sentence that is your missive by assuring me that I and my letter are not important because, well, only
you read them. While the hilarity of you insulting your own importance is palpable, I am mostly perplexed. Why did you even say this drivel? If anything it just makes your organization seem petty and even less important than it already seemed. I don't begin every letter or response by telling the recipient that only I, and not the Doge, am dealing with them and how embarrassed they should feel. I don't do it because I am not, I beg your pardon, a fucking amateur like you and your organization. You go on to presume that we will ever meet in person. I assure you this is the last thing I desire.
The next two paragraphs are impertinent nonsense that, once deciphered read as:
1: We aren't fascists.
2: Fascists don't even
want to be like us!
3: There
are a lot of fascists in SACTO, though.
4: Also, our country bears a strong resemblance to fascism.
5: Okay, you caught us, we're fascist. Insert winking smily-face.
My favorite part in this brain killing opiate of a document comes in the third paragraph where you out and out say that you are a fascist. Your defense of Livania picking fascism is priceless: They're just lazy. Fantastic. At least your peculiar brand of fascism isn't much of a threat when it comes to conquering the world because, you know, they probably just won't get
around to it. You're like the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything from Veggie Tales. You are actually them, transposed on an even more idiotic ideology.
You end your soul-shreddingly stupid communique by literally bragging
about bragging. It's like some sort of idiotic meta-bragging. "We
could brag about the ships we've sunk." You then go on to make excuses about how you can't
actually write your letter because you failed to allocate time to it. Nobody
made you send me an incomplete letter, you colossal moron. You could have started, stopped, and reconvened at a later time to finish. That would have given you the time to seek help from an adult, which you are clearly in dire need of. You then wrap up your used diaper of a letter with a quote that more or less praises fascism as an antidote to Communism. What began as you assuring me your hopelessly moronic organization is not a fascist fetish group ended with you practically goose stepping out the door.
To put your supremely addled mind at ease, I will redact what I said previously:
SACTO is
not a club of fascists. It is a club of fascist
wannabes.
Your Loyal Servant,
Ludovico Di Canossa
Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2015 9:30 am
