A Scientific Symposium of Useless Science

[Pantsoponopopolis]

Professor Hank Henksworth was relieved, everything was coming together; the conference centre in Pantopia's science and technology district was booked, his students were on top of their research and he could finally extend the invitation to the world's leading scientists and engineers. Well, the second invite, as the first had been drafted in his own, patented, explodo-ink.

"To all concerned,

The University of Pantopia, Pantsoponopopolis, would like to extend you an invitation to a symposium hosted by our own Hank Henksworth, leading Professor of Unusual Research Methodologies and Invention, the focus of which is to be entitled 'Useless Science: 'They thought I was mad, well who's mad now?!'.

Please be prepared to present on any vein of research or discovery your nation has to offer as you wish , but please, not too crazy.

Yours, the University of Pantopia, Pantsoponopopolis"

Hank scratched his white, whispy head. Perhaps that last phrase 'not too crazy' wasn't necessary. He handed the letter to the newest lab-rat, Steven. As newest research student, it was also Steven's duty to carry out the myriad small tasks that often needed doing in Henksworth's laboratory in the impressively kitted-out Sciences wing of the University.

Assured that he now had little to do but wait for replies, Hank turned back to the Electro-static Monk-defibrillator and began fine-tuning the antennae some more, muttering to himself as he always did when working on something he was passionate about.

[Esperantujo 2]

Professor Farmalmulton of the University of Lantilago prepares to demonstrate his amazing Babilbalenilo machine, which translates Lojban into Volapuk.

[Aima Tomeis]

Dr. Dryer I. Scream, PhD., stands before the crowd. In his hand he holds a small box, hot pink with a large, red and yellow button facing towards the ceiling.

"Behold!" he announces for the somewhat disinterested crowd. "I have created a device which will enable its user to travel through the fabric of time!" When a few ears perk up he continues, thrusting his device skyward, "That's right! With the simple push of this button the user will advance through time at 100% of his current pace!"

Dr. Dryer I. Scream, PhD., ducks quickly aside as a baked potato from someone's dinner plate flies toward him.

[Pantsoponopopolis]

Henksworth took the stand just as the potato landed to the right of the stage.

"My dear colleagues of the Science community. I would now like to draw your attention to Pantsoponopopolis's latest invention. The Instant Pantulator. Have you ever found yourself, as in a bad dream, outside wearing no pants? I know I have!" As he said this, the wizened old scientist shivered involuntarily as if some old memory were surfacing without welcome. "Through the advances we have made in holographic technology, I put to you that the solution to this problem is in this little device. Worn as a belt, it projects, downwards, the illusion that you are in fact wearing pants. We're working on a version that uses 'hard light', essentially allowing the wearer to put things in his or her pocket. Change from trousers to shorts in the blink of an eye!"

Suddenly, the professor's pants began 'flickering' and he was left standing in front of the crowd wearing his lab coat, shirt and boxer shorts. 'Ahem. There is the minor issue of the 4-hour battery life. It is our hope we can find another nation with which to collaborate on battery technology.'

"Any questions?"

Another potato, and this time some coleslaw, flew and hit the professor on the side of the head.