“...we really must do something about the uranium buried under Hooter Isle (Heil for short!). We don't really know what uranium is doing on a Pacific island archipelago, but we do know that the islanders of Polynihilia are stealing it from under our noses and selling it on the black market! Well, what they can pry out of the dirt with their bare hands and sometimes teeth, anyway; in addition to failing to legalize it, we have also failed to develop the capability to mine it in the first place. As Hooters we will do our part to secure a loan from a more powerful nation and use the loan to buy some mining equipment and maybe some party hats. Then we'll turn it over to the Econihilists and hope the shiny machinery will momentarily distract them from printing excess money by carving ever larger numbers into coconut shells.”
(A clarification: it is the uranium itself that is illegal. It is illegal for it to be on our island! We don't know why we had this law since we just recently became aware of the existence of uranium on our island—and of the existence of uranium at all—but that doesn't change the fact that there is a seething den of illegality right beneath our very feet and we need to get it out of there right away!)”
(A clarification: it is the uranium itself that is illegal. It is illegal for it to be on our island! We don't know why we had this law since we just recently became aware of the existence of uranium on our island—and of the existence of uranium at all—but that doesn't change the fact that there is a seething den of illegality right beneath our very feet and we need to get it out of there right away!)”
This uranium is essential for furthering our world vision of catastrophic mass entropy, and also for trading for food, of which we have little. We require a more advanced nation to loan us mining equipment—or a vast sum of money with which to purchase equipment—but there is no need to export technical expertise. Probably we can figure out what all the buttons do on our own. We would of course pay back the loan—in uranium! This would be a good way for a nation with mining equipment but no uranium to get some uranium with which to wreak untold havoc and suffering upon its neighbors, although we are foggy on how exactly this could be achieved. In our experience uranium does not taste very good so perhaps spies could infiltrate an enemy nation and replace all the salt in the enemy's salt shakers with uranium and also loosen the caps of the shakers. Then when the enemy wants to salt their food—BAM! URANIUM! And a ton of it too so their meal and their mood is totally ruined. Great way to mess up the enemy president's anniversary dinner; he won't be gettin' ANY after he dumps uranium all over the meal his wife spent all day slaving over! Then he invades an innocent neighboring country or brutally represses a minority because he's in a sour mood. The international community turns against him, and it's game over! Invade him to defend the innocents and nab his wife while you're at it.
So think it over, world. We can probably repay any loans but any damage we cause directly or indirectly will be irreversible, and isn't that the best kind?