Communist Rebellion in Ukulingana (IC;MT;RP)

[Ukulingana]

His Excellency, Sheikh, Professor of Jewish Studies at Brandeis University, Glorious Commander-in-Chief, Field Marshall, President-for-Life, Poet Laureate of Ukulingana, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of all Empire in Africa, M.D, J.D, Psy.D, D.M.D, D.P.T, DSW, DPT, King, Emperor, Lord, Senator, Sith Lord Dr. Amin Tata Haat was busy twerking for his favorite general when he got a call on his Batman-themed phone.

"Haat? Where are you!?"

"Samantha? Is that you? It's been so long since high school!"

"No! It's Azubuike."

"Oh. You're not as attractive as Samantha."

"Really?"

"Sorry, man. It's just that she and I were dating..."

"We were dating too."

"Yeah, but... just tell me what's going on."

"Yeah. Sorry. I was taking some money from the central bank to get some prostitutes as a birthday present when-"

"Which prostitutes? Samantha?"

"Yes."

"Aw, man! You are so nice. I should never have stoned your wife."

"Forgive and forget, that's my motto. Except with the gays."

"Right. Anyways, what happened?"

"Oh, yeah. Communist rebels took over the capital city, and are planning to capture the capital and execute you."

Dr. Haat, horrified at what he had just heard, dropped his gay pornographic comics classic works of literature, and cried himself to sleep flew to his sex room government office, to write a letter to the nations of the world.

---

To the nations of the world,

As everybody's favorite completely democratically elected African leader and the greatest poet in the history of the world (as well as the greatest leader to ever grace the third rock from the sun), I need your help. Communist rebels have, for some reason, become dissatisfied with my completely not kleptocratic and insane rule, and rebelled against me. I ask for your help in eradicating these rebels forever, and securing the rule of law in Ukulingana.

(OOC: TG FOR INVITE)

[Untaroicht]

Inquisitor Colonel Ichtaca Ixtli reviewed the poorly-translated letter as best as he could, before shaking his head and demanding an acolyte to explain the situation unraveling within Africa. After the explanation of a communist revolution reached his ears, he began to debate with himself internally before feeling a sense of malicious joy.

"I proudly serve my Lord and God Christ before all else and would gladly exterminate the atheistic, socialist troglodytes of that realm in a heartbeat, but there is a unique opportunity here..." He started eying up a map of Africa, with the recently annexed and conquered country of Madagascar in the corner, now proud Untaroichii soil.

"I have met this...Amin, back in the days of the OEN. His ravish hedonism is matched only by his knack for comic buffoonery...The Inquisition does not approve of his barbarity. Perhaps with Ukulingana in shambles, our sphere of influence will increase within the Indian Ocean and the Eastern African shoreline..." This plan was met with some grumbles from his underlings, to which he threw up his arms and laughed.

"Okay, fine. What do we do? Send, what, 300 Fire Warriors with Q-42 Matter Manglers as a peacekeeping joke like we planned to do during the fight against the United Left? They'd probably think we're using magic wands or something. Military action is, both on a logistical and technological level, out of the question.... No, offer Amin 25 million NSD in foreign aid to fight the communist troglodytes...but only if he agrees to give us a good chunk of the Ukiligandan coastline in return." He then used a pink highlighter to mark the proposed territory to annex on the map.

"Then we can annex the coast, wheel in troops from there, either convert or kill the natives, and boom! Our sphere of influence is headed up north...go ahead and tell him that, I'm curious to see what the tin-pot glorified chieftain will do with such an offer" Within moments, word of this offer was sent to Amin, and the Inquisition was eager for a reply (either for a good laugh or news of new real estate to annex)

(OOC: Since this is a MT thread, I'll stick to financial aid for now, but I would be willing to send 300 standard infantry troops armed with PMT plasma-rifles, if you'd be okay with that )

[Ukulingana]

Inquisitor Colonel Ichtaca Ixtli reviewed the poorly-translated letter as best as he could, before shaking his head and demanding an acolyte to explain the situation unraveling within Africa. After the explanation of a communist revolution reached his ears, he began to debate with himself internally before feeling a sense of malicious joy.

"I proudly serve my Lord and God Christ before all else and would gladly exterminate the atheistic, socialist troglodytes of that realm in a heartbeat, but there is a unique opportunity here..." He started eying up a map of Africa, with the recently annexed and conquered country of Madagascar in the corner, now proud Untaroichii soil.

"I have met this...Amin, back in the days of the OEN. His ravish hedonism is matched only by his knack for comic buffoonery...The Inquisition does not approve of his barbarity. Perhaps with Ukulingana in shambles, our sphere of influence will increase within the Indian Ocean and the Eastern African shoreline..." This plan was met with some grumbles from his underlings, to which he threw up his arms and laughed.

"Okay, fine. What do we do? Send, what, 300 Fire Warriors with Q-42 Matter Manglers as a peacekeeping joke like we planned to do during the fight against the United Left? They'd probably think we're using magic wands or something. Military action is, both on a logistical and technological level, out of the question.... No, offer Amin 25 million NSD in foreign aid to fight the communist troglodytes...but only if he agrees to give us a good chunk of the Ukiligandan coastline in return." He then used a pink highlighter to mark the proposed territory to annex on the map.

"Then we can annex the coast, wheel in troops from there, either convert or kill the natives, and boom! Our sphere of influence is headed up north...go ahead and tell him that, I'm curious to see what the tin-pot glorified chieftain will do with such an offer" Within moments, word of this offer was sent to Amin, and the Inquisition was eager for a reply (either for a good laugh or news of new real estate to annex)

(OOC: Since this is a MT thread, I'll stick to financial aid for now, but I would be willing to send 300 standard infantry troops armed with PMT plasma-rifles, if you'd be okay with that )

Dr. Amin Tata Haat was dancing in the nude when he heard of this offer. He immediately demanded that he be put on on Skype with this Ixtli, so this man of God (who hopefully knew that the true God was Amin) could admire his body in its full, unadulterated glory. He talked first.

"So, you wish to buy part of the Ukulinganian coastline? Before I make it official, please comment on my body in its full glory. Every single part, please."

[Untaroicht]

Inquisitor Colonel Ichtaca Ixtli covered his eyes like Moses and coughed briefly, before saying "Thank you, Sir Amin Tata Haat, but we have decided you are of no further use to Christ, our only true lord and savior..." and with that, he abruptly hung up and blocked the skype line.

"You know what, after he dared to put on a gruesome display? Fuck it, I hate communists as much as the next Inquisitor, but find out who the leader of the rebels is, and just wire the 25 million NSD to his bank account, just so we can see Amin's Dog and Pony show he calls a government crumble faster then the world's worst and flimsiest cookie. Don't even explain why, just say that the Royal Bank of Tlaxtiqueruk made an error when we tried to buy imports of ramen noodles or something; and it somehow ended up in their pockets,it'll be hilarious."

There was much laughter amongst the upper-echelons of The Inquisition that day, as the $25 million in NSD was quickly wired to the Communist Rebels. Lord knows what Amin's (or the rebels themselves being funded) reaction would be, if any...

[Ukulingana]

Dr. Amin Tata Haat soon received a call from his secretary. "Sir, the rebels have received NS$25 million, for some reason marked in Untaroicht currency."

Dr. Haat, furious at this betrayal, decided to make a speech to his people immediately, still completely nude. "PEOPLE OF THE UKULINGANIAN EMPIRE, I HEREBY DECLARE WAR ON UNTAROICHT!"

He then went back to his palace to finish watching Batman Forever.

[Untaroicht]

"...are his parents brother and sister, by any chance?" Huey Tlatoani Eztlizuma asked his most trusted military advisor, Legate Hunapo The Wrathbearer, as he skimmed over the "declaration of war".

"Ukiliganda is of absolutely no concern. Our forces greatly outnumber them, our technology is centuries above anything they can muster, and if they wanted to invade they'd have to send a good chunk of their army over 2,000 miles of ocean just to reach our shores in the Indian Ocean." He chuckled a little and continued.

"If, by some chance, some bullet-slinging troglydites do appear on our shores, we'll be sure to give each and one of them The Traditional Punishment ASAP. Lord knows it'll be a big boost for our cable television industry." He concluded, cracking his knuckles.

Eztlizuma sighed and retrieved a quill pen.

"I'm sending a letter to Amin complimenting him multiple times and stating that we didn't intentionally fund the rebels, rather, it was a simple bank account error, due to a internet mishap: the money was actually supposed to go to the Mother Frickin' Chicken corporation. That should calm him down. From now on, we are out of the situation and will remain completely neutral. Even if enemy forces land on our shores, we'll simply exterminate them and pretend nothing ever happened, okay?" He said, as he finished a letter to Amin, full of praise, flattery, and other sweet-sounding yet completely hollow lies.

[Alosteq Diin Nastja]

Military Command Centre, Tervaĵ

"Sir", said the Commander of Intelligence to the Supreme Commander of the Military.
"What's going on this time?", he asked, rather uninterestedly.
"You know that crazy dictatorship called Ukulingana?", asked the CoI.
"What about it?", asked the Supreme Commander.
"Well, they're having a Communist revolution. Apparently the revolutionaries have taken the capital", replied the CoI.
"Alright", said the Supreme Commander. I'll see what we can send over there."
"Thank you, sir", said the MoI as he left the Supreme Commander's office.

With this new information, the Supreme Commander called for an emergency strategic meeting. He needed to find out how many troops he could send into Ukulingana, and to do that he needed the Strategic Wing to decide what to send. Within half an hour, the entire Strategic Council and a large portion of the military's leadership was in the Strategy Room. "It is obvious that we can not send as large of a fighting force as we did in the Malovinian and Kalayaani conflicts", said the head strategist. "That large of a force ruined the economy and riots are being held in all large cities to protest the military", she continued. Everybody seemed to agree with her points, and another strategist took her place on he podium.
"It is obvious that deploying a force of 500,000 at once was an extremely bad move. After a short discussion I had with the other strategists before the Head Strategist came up to speak, we have decided that sending 200,000 troops from all branches of the military is our best option to combat the Ukulinganan government forces", he said. "We have divided this force into 100,000 ground troops, 75,000 naval troops, and 25,000 air force troops. They are expected to reach Ukulingana in three days. A full ORBAT can be found on the door." With that, he left the stage.

Code: Select all

Addressed To - Dr. Amin Tata Haat, UKU
Sent From - Supreme Commander Kônen Kiiŝa-Jaask, USRADN
Encryption - Low

It has come to our attention that a Communist revolution has enveloped your nation. This is a declaration of war on the Ukulinganan government. Despite our new state of war, the United Left has ordered us to keep you alive.

Note: All ground divisions are made up of 2,000 troops/vehicles, and all naval and air divisions are made up of 5,000 divisions

Ground Forces - Soldiers

Standard Infantry Divisions - 25

-Standard Infantry Equipment-

-Soviet Kaska Helmet
-Soviet Aviation General Long Winter Greatcoat
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Soviet Star Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Soviet M91/30 Mosin Nagant bolt action rifle
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver
-Soviet NCO Shashka Sword

———————————————————————————

Heavy Infantry Divisions - 5

-Heavy Infantry Equipment-

-Soviet M-28 Helmet
-Flak Jacket
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Alos'teqiin Tactical Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Soviet RPG-29 with 3 reloads worth of either TBG-29 thermobaric munitions or PG-29V tandem-charge munitions
-3 Soviet RGO Hand Grenades
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

———————————————————————————

Tank Operator Divisions - 2

-Tank Operator Equipment-

-Soviet Summer Tank Helmet
-Grey Soviet Undercoat
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Maintenance Tools
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

———————————————————————————

Artillery Operator Divisions - 3

-Artillery Operator Equipment-

-Soviet M-28 Helmet
-Grey Soviet Undercoat
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

———————————————————————————

Paratrooper Divisions - 10

-Paratrooper Equipment-

-Soviet Kaska Helmet
-Soviet Aviation General Long Winter Greatcoat
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Soviet Star Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots
-Parachute

-Soviet AK-47
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Ground Forces - Vehicles

Humvee Divisions - 4
Transport Car Divisions - 1
Soviet 76 mm Cannon and Katyusha Divisions - 1
Soviet T-44 Tank Divisions - 1
Mortar Tower Divisions - 1

---

Naval Forces - Sailors

Standard Sailor Divisions - 13

-Standard Sailor Equipment-

-Soviet Navy Cap
-Soviet Navy Coat
-Black Dress Pants
-Black Shoes

-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Naval Forces - Vehicles

5 Soviet Kiev-Class Aircraft Carriers - Armed with 4 × twin SS-N-12 Sandbox SSM launchers (8 missiles), 2 × twin SA-N-3 Goblet SAM launchers (72 missiles), 2 × twin 76.2 mm AA guns, 8 × AK-630 30 mm CIWS; Carries 12 fighters and 6 bombers

10 US BB-59 Battleships - Armed with 9 × 16 in (410 mm)/45 caliber Mark 6 guns, 20 × 5 in (130 mm)/38 cal guns, 52 × Bofors 40 mm guns (13x4), and 35 × Oerlikon 20 mm cannons

10 US Tinconderoga-Class Cruisers (MK XXVI) - 2 × Mk 26 missile launchers, 68 × RIM-66 SM-2, and 20 × RUR-5 ASROC, 8 × RGM-84 Harpoon missiles, 2 × Mark 45 5 in / 54 cal lightweight gun, 2–4 × .50 cal (12.7 mm) gun, 2 × Phalanx CIWS, and 2 × Mk 32 12.75 in (324 mm) triple torpedo tubes

---

Air Forces - Pilots
Standard Pilot Divisions - 5

-Standard Pilot Equpment-

-ZSh-7 Helmet
-Soviet Aviation General Long Winter Greatcoat
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Soviet Star Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots
-Parachute

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Air Forces - Vehicles

Soviet Su-15 Flagon Interceptor Divisions- 1
Soviet MiG-19 Farmer Fighter Divisions - 2
Soviet MiG-21 Fishbed Fighter Divisions - 1
Soviet Ilyushin DB-3 Bomber Divisions - 1

[Ukulingana]

Military Command Centre, Tervaĵ

"Sir", said the Commander of Intelligence to the Supreme Commander of the Military.
"What's going on this time?", he asked, rather uninterestedly.
"You know that crazy dictatorship called Ukulingana?", asked the CoI.
"What about it?", asked the Supreme Commander.
"Well, they're having a Communist revolution. Apparently the revolutionaries have taken the capital", replied the CoI.
"Alright", said the Supreme Commander. I'll see what we can send over there."
"Thank you, sir", said the MoI as he left the Supreme Commander's office.

With this new information, the Supreme Commander called for an emergency strategic meeting. He needed to find out how many troops he could send into Ukulingana, and to do that he needed the Strategic Wing to decide what to send. Within half an hour, the entire Strategic Council and a large portion of the military's leadership was in the Strategy Room. "It is obvious that we can not send as large of a fighting force as we did in the Malovinian and Kalayaani conflicts", said the head strategist. "That large of a force ruined the economy and riots are being held in all large cities to protest the military", she continued. Everybody seemed to agree with her points, and another strategist took her place on he podium.
"It is obvious that deploying a force of 500,000 at once was an extremely bad move. After a short discussion I had with the other strategists before the Head Strategist came up to speak, we have decided that sending 200,000 troops from all branches of the military is our best option to combat the Ukulinganan government forces", he said. "We have divided this force into 100,000 ground troops, 75,000 naval troops, and 25,000 air force troops. They are expected to reach Ukulingana in three days. A full ORBAT can be found on the door." With that, he left the stage.

Code: Select all

Addressed To - Dr. Amin Tata Haat, UKU
Sent From - Supreme Commander Kônen Kiiŝa-Jaask, USRADN
Encryption - Low

It has come to our attention that a Communist revolution has enveloped your nation. This is a declaration of war on the Ukulinganan government. Despite our new state of war, the United Left has ordered us to keep you alive.

Note: All ground divisions are made up of 2,000 troops/vehicles, and all naval and air divisions are made up of 5,000 divisions

Ground Forces - Soldiers

Standard Infantry Divisions - 25

-Standard Infantry Equipment-

-Soviet Kaska Helmet
-Soviet Aviation General Long Winter Greatcoat
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Soviet Star Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Soviet M91/30 Mosin Nagant bolt action rifle
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver
-Soviet NCO Shashka Sword

———————————————————————————

Heavy Infantry Divisions - 5

-Heavy Infantry Equipment-

-Soviet M-28 Helmet
-Flak Jacket
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Alos'teqiin Tactical Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Soviet RPG-29 with 3 reloads worth of either TBG-29 thermobaric munitions or PG-29V tandem-charge munitions
-3 Soviet RGO Hand Grenades
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

———————————————————————————

Tank Operator Divisions - 2

-Tank Operator Equipment-

-Soviet Summer Tank Helmet
-Grey Soviet Undercoat
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Maintenance Tools
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

———————————————————————————

Artillery Operator Divisions - 3

-Artillery Operator Equipment-

-Soviet M-28 Helmet
-Grey Soviet Undercoat
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots

-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

———————————————————————————

Paratrooper Divisions - 10

-Paratrooper Equipment-

-Soviet Kaska Helmet
-Soviet Aviation General Long Winter Greatcoat
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Soviet Star Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots
-Parachute

-Soviet AK-47
-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Ground Forces - Vehicles

Humvee Divisions - 4
Transport Car Divisions - 1
Soviet 76 mm Cannon and Katyusha Divisions - 1
Soviet T-44 Tank Divisions - 1
Mortar Tower Divisions - 1

---

Naval Forces - Sailors

Standard Sailor Divisions - 13

-Standard Sailor Equipment-

-Soviet Navy Cap
-Soviet Navy Coat
-Black Dress Pants
-Black Shoes

-Soviet Nagant M1895 Revolver

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Naval Forces - Vehicles

5 Soviet Kiev-Class Aircraft Carriers - Armed with 4 × twin SS-N-12 Sandbox SSM launchers (8 missiles), 2 × twin SA-N-3 Goblet SAM launchers (72 missiles), 2 × twin 76.2 mm AA guns, 8 × AK-630 30 mm CIWS; Carries 12 fighters and 6 bombers

10 US BB-59 Battleships - Armed with 9 × 16 in (410 mm)/45 caliber Mark 6 guns, 20 × 5 in (130 mm)/38 cal guns, 52 × Bofors 40 mm guns (13x4), and 35 × Oerlikon 20 mm cannons

10 US Tinconderoga-Class Cruisers (MK XXVI) - 2 × Mk 26 missile launchers, 68 × RIM-66 SM-2, and 20 × RUR-5 ASROC, 8 × RGM-84 Harpoon missiles, 2 × Mark 45 5 in / 54 cal lightweight gun, 2–4 × .50 cal (12.7 mm) gun, 2 × Phalanx CIWS, and 2 × Mk 32 12.75 in (324 mm) triple torpedo tubes

---

Air Forces - Pilots
Standard Pilot Divisions - 5

-Standard Pilot Equpment-

-ZSh-7 Helmet
-Soviet Aviation General Long Winter Greatcoat
-Black Soviet Undercoat
-Soviet Star Belt
-Black Cargo Pants
-Tall Black Leather Boots
-Parachute

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Air Forces - Vehicles

Soviet Su-15 Flagon Interceptor Divisions- 1
Soviet MiG-19 Farmer Fighter Divisions - 2
Soviet MiG-21 Fishbed Fighter Divisions - 1
Soviet Ilyushin DB-3 Bomber Divisions - 1

Dr. Amin Tata Haat is happy to hear the news that Alosteq Diin Nastja will be helping his government, and that they are declaring war on the rebels, and not him. Dr. Haat offers naked photos of himself, along with a copy of his second book, The Me Nobody Knows, to all the men and women of the nation.