Pappa Nick P.: Plays the Crabulonex and Hangs in the Grotto

[Crabulonia]

'Do you know we have a fictious book called the Grande Bretagne 1701-2012, very much the same system but with a sexless leader.' Alejandro explained before drinking a gulp of wine, 'Sounds like a horrible world, but an interesting story, your story know is real, and much sexier. Do you ever feel that more sex should fit into your songs?'

[Crabulonia]

'Well that's easily understandable, you're a likeable character,' Alejandro said before gulping the rest of his wine, he should stop soon this must be his 6th glass by now, regardless he called the waiter and asked another, 'So other than your albums, kick ass wine and whiskey, what else does your country sell?'

[Grittonia]

''Well, we have a bit of everything. There are the Gold and Silver mines in Kyrrpeian, the Caviar business on the Pirpir Island Group, the weapons production in Grottiponia Island, just to name some. Then there is Montana Enterprises, who say that they sell most things available on earth...''

[Crabulonia]

As Pappa Nick P. was talking, another drink found it's way into the, already semi-drunk, hands of Alejadro del Programa.

'So set up well for the afterlife then?' Alejandro asked taking a sip, 'Do you have any kids by the way? It strikes to mind that a man of your virility and promiscuity will have tilled fertile soil a few times without your rubber boots on.'

A low grunting noise came from PINK section and Caballero emerged, straightening his uniform and buttoning his jacket.

'Spent chaps, going to GREEN section for a while.'

'How hedonistic,' said Alejandro, 'Anyway do you have any chillen's Pappa Nick?'

[Grittonia]

''Chillen's? No, I also don't have any children. Well, I'm thinking of adopting. I'm even thinking about traveling around a few nations to find a nice child. The life of a Supreme Ruler is quite boring, even with a nymphomaniac as a boyfriend.''

[Crabulonia]

'I can imagine that would become tiresome eventually,' said Alejandro, he was drinking at an alarming rate he thought, perhaps he should switch to something lighter, 'So where do you aquire your male harem from?'

[Grittonia]

''Well, there is a very nice club in Grittonia, the Fantage. And let's just say that they have a very large selection. Very nice club, lots of velvet and such.''

[Crabulonia]

'Well velvet tends to be a breeding ground for gentlement of that persuasion, here tries to be inclusive with straights as well,' Alejandro explained, 'Think I might join the gentleman in GREEN Section soon, you want to come with?'

[Grittonia]

''Sure. That's the weed section, right? I sure hope they have some good stuff. Lead the way.''

[Crabulonia]

So Alejandro directed Pappa Nick towards GREEN Section. Hardly difficult to miss with bright green neon strips surrounding the area and a calm green paint scheme.

'You won't have to worry about quality, these are grown deep in rainforests of Crabulonia, the soil is highly fertile but foliage around is protected to ensure that there is always good biodiversity in the soil. Also the agriculturists who grow it are the blind veteran farmers of the War of Productivity so they know their stuff.' Alejandro del Programa explained. He approached the bar and found the barman Milokovic.

'Good day gents, your usual Crabulonian Primero Alejandro?'
'Indeed it is good sir.'

After accepting joints and heading to sofas Alejandro turned to Pappa Nick.

'Excellent service here, almost as good as the weed,' Alejandro said, 'Is that yet another product of which Grittonia produces bounties of?'

[Grittonia]

''Yeah. With all the drugs being legal, you could guess that weed is produced. And Cocaine.. Heroine... Let's just keep it at that we produce drugs, yeah.''

[Crabulonia]

'Yeah but good drugs?' began Alejandro, 'I mean as men of the world we know that there are drugs of better quality than others. On occasion it is just branding, but specialist recipes are used to recreate the greats. I used to work for Crabulonian Premier actually as a Nutrient Chemist, it's a complex deal.'

[Grittonia]

''They are some of the best, when you fork over the needed cash. For example, we have Cmack which is 100x stronger than cocaine. Then there is the Grittonii Maximuss which is some of the strongest weed, yet also very rare.''

[Crabulonia]

'Having meditated on the topic however, I have worked out that good stuff cannot be worked on strength alone. I specialised in highness capacity and climax length. Rare strains mixed together can produce interesting crossbreeds, but I think that weed is like nature v. nurture debate of psychology. Though we are born with certan inbuilt functions, we are changed by events we encounter and way we were raised. Very much the same with weed, there's power in every seed, but even more in the soil.' Alejando philosophied, before remembering he was supposed to be interviewing, 'Then again this is a tangent too far I feel. What do you think about the whiskey on offer here?'

[Grittonia]

''It's good. My own moonshine is better, but hey. It comes in the top 5.''

[Crabulonia]

'What better endorsement can the industry get than that?' Alejandro downed his drink then slurred, 'Right, I'm going to drink less now. Drink, sex, weed, drink seems to be a good enough night. Any case, you staying longer in Crabulonia or going back to Grittonia soon?'

[Grittonia]

''Well, I was planning on a three day holiday here before I return. Visit a few clubs and such.''

[Crabulonia]

'I could take you round a few, course Grotto is the biggest and only one of two of the "licensed" brothels. Can take you round the CatHouse, DrinkOle and Taberna Caliente. All legal business' but underground luxuries lurk beneath them all. I particularly like Taberna Caliente, but must say Pappa Nick, I'm tired so have to call it another night.'

[Grittonia]

''Sure. I have a Penthouse around here somewhere, so if you come around, we'll set something up.''

[Crabulonia]

'Awesome, you lead the way. Let's just hope no assassins appear along the way, to spoil the night with their envious bullets. Camera crew. Disperse.'

[Grittonia]

''I'm sure no one will come. Don't be scared of the velvet.''
Outside.
''Driver!''
''Yes, sir?''
''Drive us to my Penthouse.''
''Which one?''
''I have multiple?''
''You have two. Casa Naughty and The Velvet Victory.''
''The Velvet Victory.''
''Alright Supreme Ruler. Legal?''
''Yeah.''
''20 minutes.''
''Alright, step in then we shall go.''

[Crabulonia]

'So when did you aquire this impressive portfolio of penthouses? And in Crabulonia no less? I'm sure it would be in your bio if this had happened.'

[Grittonia]

''Well, I need to sleep somewhere, don't I? I mean, when worth more than 100 billion, I can spend a few million for a nice house. And, my bio isn't done yet...''
The Limosine began driving.
''We'll be at my Penthouse within no time.''

[Crabulonia]

'Fair enough, so a 100 billion is your worth? Would have thought more than that. You do lead a leading country after all as well as have a singing career.'

[Grittonia]

''Last time I checked, 124 billion and 54 cents. Just kidding, it was 56 cents. But, the inside counts.''