Fourth DFP Summit [ IC | Closed ]

[TurtleShroom]

"Now, you should really answer my question in the meantime Debt Ombudsman.

OOC: The High Priestesses wisely led the Debt Ombudsman out with little Ai to distract him. That would allow them to fully manipulate the GEIJD delegations, with only the elderly Samuel to block their expansion of power.

OOC: The TS theoligian will come soon.

[Comrade Commisar]

The High Priestesses listened to the troubles of the Japanese, who were attempting to balance their wealth and nuclear arsenal. However, it was only when the Emperor and his associates signed the document that the High Priestesses were pleased. Taking back the scroll, the High Priestesses were in quite the surprise when the Emperor began speaking in the Yue Language.

Lang, who was quite flattered by the Emperor's remarks, was quickly overshown by High Priestess Yuan.

"To answer your questions, Emperor," Yuan said, "The paper currencies utilized by your people are merely just that, ink printed upon a combination of pulp and cloth. Eventually, it shall be worth more as paper than actual currency, and your people shall find that the Yue Gold Coin relies on the composition of the coin, rather than the faith of the currency. As regarding the Imperial Shrine's interests, that shall be addressed in all due time. As for your proposal of a Unified Forces within the Dragon's Fury Pact, the Imperial Shrine declines. 'Military action' within the North Lands at most is the surpression of civil unrest through the use of peaceful negotiation. No such proposition would be of benefit to the North Lands."

"The Citystate of Asahina does not have the resources or the personel to supply this mutual protection force, Emperor," Jon Smith shrugged, "Our forces are merely for self-protection, and Mister Eagles has made it quite clear to his city inhabitants to not negotiate with socialists regarding economic, social or military issues."
"The Tsao People are currently expanding our military and industrial capacities, and currently are unable to provide for the Unified Forces of the Dragon's Fury Pact." Spoke Brigadier General Fei, "We shall provide mililtary equipment and personel once we are of a status where our Empire is secure from all forms of foreign agression, Comrade Emperor. Until then, we are limited to supplying small arms and vehicles."

"We are also very interested in Japanese Nuclear Weapons, Comrade Emperor. We have made great strides in rocketry and ballistics, and knowing that your lands are very fond of Nuclear Weaponry such as ourselves, feel that we would possibly be the best candidates for hosting your Nuclear Arsenal." Spoke Fei proudly, "With many of our Command Centers capable of Nuclear Weapon Launch, not to mention mobile platforms upon the ground and sea, we are able to launch well over a thousand Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles at one time, for a continued duration of twelve hours with a missile launch every hour. With Command Centers 18 and 29 housing the immensely large Type 67 ICBM, we would be able to test Nuclear Weapons with a yield no less than 200 Megatons. Emperor, it would be of great honour of the Tsao State to host your Nuclear Arsenal. On behalf of General Shan Huo, we would be deeply honoured if you allowed us to do such." Bowed Commander Fei in deep respects.

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

"Yes, very much understood." the Emperor nodded to both the Yue representatives as well as the Asahina ones. Then, turning to Brigadier General Fei, he replied, "It is with great honour that we present to you our willingness to share a portion of all our 40,000-80,000 nuclear warheads, in which we intend to share some of our most modern, most powerful intercontinental ballistc missiles, hypersonic strategic cruise missiles, or submarine-launched intercontinental ballistic missiles... even nuclear torpedoes, nuclear tipped anti-shipping ballistic missiles, fractional orbital bombardment missiles (R-36orb) or kinetic-kill warheads... with those your nation would not even need to worry about building a normal military. Nuclear missiles are, what keeps invaders away after all." The Comrade People's Emperor stated whilst grinning gleefully.

At the same time, once Uchiha Madara heard "Type 67" he immediately interjected to make a request. "Type 67...200 megatons yield? Give me some! I never thought it was even possible to arm a missile with humongous warheads! Our only tests were gigantic single bombs carrying gigaton warheads, however never have we ever thought to build a missile with such capabilities! Tojo Hideki, if you may?" Madara said whilst he returned to seating, having satisfied his pride in nuclear warfare.

Tojo Hideki, the nuclear minister, went to speak: "It is with great honour, that we shall intend to procure some of these lustful weapons. It makes some of us feel ecstatic when we watch a nuclear explosion. It feels so wonderful to look at a beautiful mushroom cloud as it explodes in the air, moreover thanks to Doctor Strangelove we have been inspired to build an artificial intelligence system, a nuclear computerisation programme capable of launching nuclear weapons without 'human meddling', to which we based it upon the Strangelove Doomsday Machine, then upon the Russian computer 'Perimetr', then upon SkyNET. If it succeeeds, moreover if the satellite project we had started at a time your nation was one is completed, then we shall have universal projection capability for these marvellous nuclear weapons. You see, the whole point of this machine you know, is lost, if it is kept a secret! We shall make it be known that we are a nuclear power that shall have its name gloriously written down in history!

"Moreover, it is in our best interests to switch from a normal military to unrestricted nuclear warfare, for it is much easier to defence oneself with nuclear weapons, as well as less expensive, than maintaining an actual military. We have been thinking about switching into a guerilla only military force, with a much large nuclear arsenal in its stead. Now, if the agreement proceeds Brigadier General Fei, then we shall immediately begin shipping our nuclear missiles over to you. We have the most beautiful stockpile of all time. Over 40,000 missile warheads; then, over one million tactical warheads ranging from hand grenades & suitcase bombs to nuclear artillery, nuclear grenade launchers, or nuclear torpedoes. If the agreement proceeds properly we shall hand over ninety percent of our entire stockpile for you to keep safe until we are ready to reassume control over them." The People's Commissar of Nuclear Affairs stated. In the meantime the Emperor continued to seductively smile at Lang, happy in his mind of his womanising, or at least flattering, successes.

[TurtleShroom]

Samuel had since walked over to a chair a bit from the entrance, close enough to hear everyone (with his hearing aids on at maximum), and also able to look down the side hall to see the door where Ai and the Debt Ombudsman vanished.

"We have been inspired to build an artificial intelligence system, a nuclear computerisation programme capable of launching nuclear weapons without 'human meddling', to which we based it upon the Strangelove Doomsday Machine, then upon the Russian computer 'Perimetr', then upon SkyNET."

Samuel smirked with a "better than you grin", causing his already wrinkly face to wrinkle further.

"Ya'll ain't built a Dead Hand yet?"

[*]OPERATION "FIRST JONAH" (2008-2011):
This was a massive plan conducted by all of the TurtleShroomer military to build the ultimate in nuclear retaliation and Mutually Ensured Destruction, and was started immediately after TurtleShroom first successfully split the atom.
It was commissioned in 2008 and received a still classified amount of the overzealous neoconservative Defense Budget that had boosted the tax rate to fifty and the percent of spending at twenty percent of Defense.
Ever heard of Russia's "Dead Hand"system?
OPERATION FIRST JONAH was TurtleShroom's research into building one of its own!
On September of 2011, OPERATION FIRST JONAH was concluded, and the military released the files. They stated simply that TS was capable of building a "Dead Hand" and was going to do so. They specified nothing else, even if they had continued.
There are rumors of an OPERATION SECOND JONAH, but that's classified information![/list]

That's just two.

Then, he paused.

"We ain't eithuh. -but we's already commissioned the studies and feasibility stuff, ta see if it would work. Back when Defense was our biggest spendin', and when taxes exceeded fifty percent-uh, we allocated huge sums to a Trust Fund fer buildin' a Dead Hand. We probaly gots more in that Trust than in our entire gov'ment budget, but our Constitution ain't gone let it be moved out, but it's a good thing 'bout buildin' a Dead Hand. We've been accumulatin' interest fer four years now... we'll build the greatest Dead Hand in the history of... history!"

"Moreover, it is in our best interests to switch from a normal military to unrestricted nuclear warfare, for it is much easier to defence oneself with nuclear weapons, as well as less expensive, than maintaining an actual military. We have been thinking about switching into a guerilla only military force, with a much large nuclear arsenal in its stead.

Samuel laughed.

"'Ta think we'd be 'head of ya'll! Shoot, we've been runnin' guerillas fer sixty yee-uhs! After we developed nookular weapons in 2008, we pretty much did just that!"

[Comrade Commisar]

"Yes, it most certainly is, Comrade Emperor." Agreed Brigadier General Fei as he turned to Uchiha Madara, "Yes, although the current Type 67 missile is the third of its generation. After the elimination of the Shi Province by Imperial Decree 2073, many intellectual students fled towards the Tsao Empire and Asahina Citystate, who offered many technological jobs and positions. Luckily, we received many knowledgable upon ballistics and rocketry, who aided us in improving our current missile systems. With the innovation surrounding the Type 67-III missile, we could have a single Type 67 ICBM deliver three fifty-megaton warheads on majorly populated cities, thus eliminating many major obstructions within a single tactical strike."

While Commander Fei was proudly boasting the Type 67-III's capablities, Jon Smith began overhearing the Japanese and Turtleshroomian plans to create an effective computerized second-strike system. Grinning, the businessman introduced Asahina's capabilities within the conversation.

"Well, Tojo Hideki, Samuel Moorye, while your nations are planning on establishing effective second-strike systems, we've already moved past that point." Smiled the businessman as he placed a handful of Eagle Silver Coins across from a single Eagle Silver Coin, "Hershel Von Eagles realized that Asahina, while economically powerful, was no match against the massive Tsao Military to the West. We lacked numbers, nationalism was not going to unite our people, and in the event of war, it was predicted that the battle would end in only three-hours."

"However, we had commerce, we have superior technology. Thus, Mister Eagles began work on defending the city of Asahina. We began by first installing anti-ballistic missile defenses, all computer controlled, able to defend Asahina from any amount of warheads launched via submarine, stationary system, or otherwise. With automated defenses, we also needed automated offenses. So, we invested more wealth in technology, and eventually, we created a second-strike system that could effectively determine the origin of enemy missiles, and destory them. There are some compatibility issues with the older defense system and the newer second-strike system, but overall, any nuclear warhead flying towards Asahina shall be effectively destroyed, and the location of launch neutralized."

"Of course, there comes into speculation of an actual invasion of Asahina, of which then, such a system is effectively useless." Spoke Smith, taking a small sip of wine before continuing, "Manpower was the greatest issue, relatively speaking, our defense force was primarily armed businessmen, mercenaries, mobsters and street thugs. Not of quality, nor quantity to repulse the entire Tsao Red Guard. So, what happens when you do not possess enough manpower? You increase the effectiveness of a single man, you increase the ability of your equipment, you increase your manpower - or rather, create manpower, in the Asahinan case."

"Roughly two weeks after Mister Eagles requested a way to increase the effectiveness of material and personel, his engineers came with modification kits to allow armed vehicles such as gun-trucks to be able to remotely operated, thus allowing personel to operate within relative safety. Weeks later, the first true sentry gun was released, after that, attack drones and unmanned vehicles came into fruition. One day, Mister Hershel Von Eagles hopes to establish his city as the first with an entirely computerized defense force, marketed entirely as a result of the capitalist economic system. While I personally do not want to challenge every Socialist to a game of competition, I personally find the idea incredibly fascinating." Noted Smith, sipping his wine quietly after his speech.

"In any case, Comrade Emperor," Spoke Fei once again, "I think General Huo will be most honoured to hold your Nuclear Arsenal. If it is fear that these barbarians only understand, than let us bring them fear, death and destruction. What do you say, Comrade Emperor?"

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

The Comrade People's Emperor grinned. "I must say, I love this Type 67, as well as its variant. We would be most interested to have those missiles installed across our lands. Additionally, on another matter, I have been long considering, in the event of victory, how to divide the spoils of war in Fukakku-Shingen. I believe it has been once upon a time discussed, however here is our proposal, rewarding each ally respectively for their efforts: here it is." the excited leader said as he placed a map of Fukakku-Shingen on the meeting table. "I have decided that the Comradens would best have a strategic area to the Western coast of the mainlands, moreover the Aquitaynians are well to have what is below. However, if we are to succeed in having those lands secured for you; each respective nation must land their forces there near the end of the conflict. As for Ganosia, this is under the assumption that the Lori Cummings movement secures all of Dai Ko island then decides to go under Ganosian suzerainty for protection." he said to Brigadier General Fei.

Uchiha Madara in the meantime grinned gleefully at the conversation, adding something additional into the discussion. "Word has come that the phony war is over. Fighting has resumed from two unexpected sources. The Lori Cummings Movement has grown in strength thankfully with the help of our advisers there whilst a new socialist movement, drawing similar characteristics to Vietcong, has attempted to emerge from within Yushuu's lands. Which proves that he never succeeded in crushing the will of those living under his control. Moreover, I have also received reports of Yushuu Iroshi being under house arrest by his own military. This has yet to be confirmed, so we sent Kempeitai Intelligence Officers just now to gather further information from locals, however this is quite interesting." he said as he continued eating what was before him.

As Jon Smith continued making anecdotes of Asahina's computerised capabilities the Emperor grinned. "Why certainly so Comrade Jon Smith! We too have begun moving towards an automated armed force, with drones, even sophisticated super-manoeuvrable fighter drone projects, drone submarines, among other conceptualisations we have in mind! Our nuclear computing system is being activated however, moreover we only need a good satellite constellation to extend the range of the system beyond the Teikoku itself. As for your pints Brigadier General Fei, I must agree with thee. If our enemies deem it necessary to only understand fear, then we shall bring them fear, death, then destruction. Furthermore, we have also another proposal.

"Since our other far distant overseas territory of Dragon's Utopia is currently one of our most prosperous, flourishing, thriving lands, its industrial manufacturing capabilities in full function, we intend to build 15,000 Type 10F Fumetsu Heavy Main Battle Tanks to sell to the Tsao Empire, moreover to modernise you even further we intend to propose selling MEIJI drone fighter aircraft, as well as our Shin Shin fifth generation stealth fighters to your nation. We also intend to make sales in terms of nuclear submarines if desirable. Us selling arms to other nations, us spreading proliferation, has always boomed our economy. If we resume our practises of exporting weapons, it could help a lot. So... what do you wish to procure?" the Comrade People's Emperor asked. At the same time, the Emperor continued to seductively smile at High Priestess Lang, happy in his mind of his womanising, or at least flattering, successes once more. He thend turned to Samuel telling him, "Excellent work my friend. Together, a collective computing system of a doomsday machine shall make our enemies cower before us!" he said to him.

[TurtleShroom]

Samuel remained quiet as he sat in humble awe of the amazing technology developed by the Aashianians, its automation, and its immense ability to defend itself without a large populace willing to fight.

"That is simply incredible. I ain't heard of such tech like that... ever. Heck, I think ya'll could fight them See-Tan head on if ya keep that up. Ya'll are indeed a mighty testament to the glory and powuh of capitalism and the Free Mahrket. Meanwhile, when we need more folks, we gots ta resort ta increasin' benefits, appealin' to patriotism... -and... recently..." he sighed. "The Draft."

Shaking his head, he continued, a slight smile returning.

"I haven't actually gotten to hear much on the Dead Hand of TurtleShroom. That there's a BIIIIIIIG secret. Well, except that its codename is 'Jonah', ya know, named fer the prophet that got a second chance? That's the pun, but I cain't really say much more. I ain't no computah man, but I heard that we just got full Domestic Production Rights for the IBM Three-oh-Five Row-Mack. It don't take no rocket scientist ta say what it's for."

That link there is the IBM 305 ROMAC's core console, and yes, it existed. That is its movable hard drive and the main component of a colossal supercomputer system. The ROMAC was the first console to ever have a true hard disk. Capacity? Five megabytes. This component is its most important and weighed over two thousand pounds.

TS' Dead Hand is actually going to be mostly domestically produced and programmed. It'll use vacuum tubes, manual work, miles and miles of punch tape, and caverns miles long and wide, and I don't mean for bunkers. I mean for the computer. It'll use natural cave shafts for heating and cooling, but mostly, it'll use loud, loud, loud fans that are powered externally and separately by oil, which is easier than building a nuclear plant that would give the place away.

He nodded, then listened as the Emperor prepared to rant all over again.

"The Lori Cummings Movement has grown in strength thankfully with the help of our advisers there whilst a new socialist movement, drawing similar characteristics to Vietcong, has attempted to emerge from within Yushuu's lands. Which proves that he never succeeded in crushing the will of those living under his control."

He nodded for a while.

"Ah, the Boob Brigade!" he said, smiling as he recalled both their success in the War on Asia and, of course, their gorgeous figurehead. "So how exactly are they doin'? The TurtleShroomian nation never got to meet Lori, and, well, Lori and Lori; if ya know what I mean. There's enough up there for three average women, and in my country, fer at least ten."

He continued, shaking his head in disgust at the Emperor's references to Marxist resistances and the Viet Kong. Samuel especially didn't like the Viet Kong, and wished what he called 'Americaland' had finished what they started. (This was the opinion of most every TurtleShroomer who actually knew or heard anything of such a far-flung, distant country.) He decided not to state the obvious, since the Aashian ambassador was disgusted, too.

"Our nuclear computing system is being activated however, moreover we only need a good satellite constellation to extend the range of the system beyond the Teikoku itself."

"The TurtleShroomian military has recently created its own state space program fer the launchin' of satellite weapons, among othuh stuff like nookular communications n' communications fer the government n' military.
We've had a privatized space program fer 'bout twenty years; in all that time, we've seen nothin' but Space Billboards and one satellite to a Few-chuh Tech interstellah war some time back... it never made it. They ain't doin' too bad, but there's just nothin' worth investin' when it comes to the Final Frontier."

Samuel allowed the machine to refill his lungs as he processed his thoughts.

"I'm pretty dern sure that we are gone launch some nookular satellites real sure. It'll finally replace our current authorization system that rely on radio towuhs, private signals, phone lines, bunkuhs, n' keys. When our head of state orders the usage of the Nookular Football, it trigguhs a long chain of permissions from the soldiers 'a our country, n' other stops fer security, so that all our enemies couldn't hack it and launch missiles without followin' the chain. Since radio n' stuff are pretty easy ta hack, it's why we got such a chain."

He ran out of breath and paused to breathe.

"Satellites will pretty much shrink that at least by two thirds-a!"

He nodded.

"The C'Tan taught us ta use our resources fastuh n' with more. We rely on our own tech with imports remainin' low. I guess we ain't fully opened even after we started really notable trade from 1991 awn. We're still isolated, with 'bout our only interaction bein' letters to others. It's funny, 'cause a lot of our people think that's too much. Evah heard of Milograad? That there Dharconian stuff is gettin' serious fans from Asians. Juche too!"

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE THEOLOGIANS

It came to pass as the sun was setting in the wintry mountains of Comrade Commissar’s Yue Commissariat that a smaller boat docked at the shores of the Shrine they were journeying to.

Stepping off onto the docks, three creatures, two human men and one turtle, approached the customs officials, who scanned the exotic characters with suspicion and intrigue.

Each looked very different from each other, though the turtle was wrapped in layers upon layers of thick, heavy blankets to the point that only a little hole for him to extend his neck out of could be seen, and it was black due to its depth.


The tallest human had a deep scowl on his face and glasses far smaller and less thick than most TurtleShroomers. He was seven foot eleven in height. He was a somewhat tan color, olive or bronze apparently, and had slick black hair, all of which he spiked up. An old, ivory fountain pen, at least a hundred years in age, sat on his right ear.
He was dressed in a professional, black, three-piece suit that had a white sash draped over it. Connected and held tightly around his neck with a traditional golden chain was a long, pure white mantle- that is, the heavy, ornate cape –which rested on his shoulders and extended the floor, wrapping somewhat around the front of his body, as they tended to do. On its back was a dark green symbol, an Americalandese Dollar sign ($). Likewise, the necklace binding the mantle also had a heavy golden pendant, identically shaped like a dollar sign. The cold caused the man to extend his arms and conceal his suit and front of his body as he shivered slightly.

In his left hand was a tall, rather thin staff that tapered off into a single, sharp point. Upon that point, it was topped with the “T” from the Seal of TurtleShroom. It was taller than he was by about five inches and if one looked at it closely, it wasn’t a cylinder, but rather, a shape with distinct sides, eight in all, and colored gold. On the bottom was a rubber stopper colored pink, and a silver brace above that to keep it attached. The point where the “T” sat was colored dark black.
It dawned on the customs officials, after they looked at it for a bit, that, for all aesthetic purposes, that staff looked just like a golden pencil!

As for the appearance of the towering figure himself, he seemed a little more “normal”, but also intimidating and stoic, than many TurtleShroomers. Behind his thin glasses, his easily visible eyes were a very, very pale green color. His nose was small, but pointy, and around the corners of his mouth were distinct lines, apparently from years’ worth of frowning. A golden, rectangular ID badge read “Cano Noah”, and under it, “ASSESSOR SCRIBE OF THE MINISTRY OF THE STOREHOUSE, RELIGIOUS DIVISION”.
He had somewhat large ears and an overall appearance of coldness and stoic behavior. He obviously was an immigrant, considering that he had few features resembling most TurtleShroomers. His teeth, if he was smiling, would have been seen as crooked and untouched by an orthodontist, but Cano did not possess buck teeth.


The second man was barely a man at all. He looked to be about nineteen and just barely starting puberty. However, his distinct wardrobe immediately stood out to the customs officials. If they knew anything about Christianity, they would immediately come to the surprising revelation that this man was a full-blown Catholic Cardinal! The only things differing from the traditional cardinal vestments from the Catholic Church were the stole he wore, which was green, and the zucchetto on his head, which, instead of red, was a highly unorthodox, dark shade of yellow. He also wore a purple sash reading “SPIRITUAL ADVISOR”.

This character is Jason Icfella, one of my oldest and most lovable TS characters, from one of my first roleplaying adventures.

My drawing was far crappier than the crap I draw today, but here is a picture of how Jason Icfella looks. I’ll couple this with further description, since that picture is VERY basic.

This Cardinal was a teenager, there was no doubt. He was nearly six feet tall, say, about five foot eleven, and unfortunately still prepubescent. His thick, heavy glasses were what the Yue Archives and the customs officials had already known were standard in TurtleShroom.

As they looked at him, he smiled warmly, revealing that he did not have buck teeth, though his teeth were minorly crooked. Mainly, it was a gap in his two front teeth and the fact that the tooth to the right of his incisor was completely missing that sounded the alert that his dental plan didn’t really exist.

His hair was unique, though. It reminded the Yues of a far more modern hairdo, no, a twenty first century one, that most could call “scene hair”. His right bangs were far longer than the rest of his hair, which was swept to its right at an inch above his eyebrows. The Cardinal’s elongated right bangs, meanwhile, draped somewhat over the lenses of his glasses, but he had it pushed far enough to the right that one could clearly tell when he was and when he wasn’t giving someone his full attention.
(It was an old TS custom that long hair must never obscure the field of vision, so that a TurtleShroomer could always give their authorities, parents, and superiors their full attention and respect.)

Looking into his eyes, the customs officials noticed that there was something about them, a sort of innocence and joy to them, like little pools of happiness. He had a warm smile that did not judge the fact that catgirls were in the midst of the Yue officials. It was that sort of smile and kind demeanor that was contagious. This Cardinal obviously loved his God and followed that whole “love your neighbor thing” quite well.

What caught the customs’ officials attention immediately, though, was a box he was holding in his hands, upright, like it was a precious, fragile item. It was a beautiful box, made of a beautiful, finely crafted wood with ivory around the gap where the box would open. It was fastened shut by a padlock apparently coated in gold, though with durable steel on the inside, and the key, assumed the customs officials, was with the Cardinal.
The Cardinal was not shivering all that badly; his heavy Catholic vestments provided him with some warmth.


They prepared to scan it as their eyes looked elsewhere to the thick cocoon of blankets in a cheap, little red wagon that the first guest was pulling with his right hand. (A clipboard, apparently made of silver and gold, was also in said wagon, along with a cardboard box containing various books, office supplies, and what seemed to be a sizable gift wrapped present.)

As for the cocoon, there was one hole in the blankets, about an arm’s thickness and situated in what must have been the front, but it was deep enough that they could not tell what (or who) was actually in it.



The tall scribe- Cano Noah -did not change his expression as he finally spoke. His voice was very deep, powerful, and intimidating, though also rather deadpanned and monotone. Reinforcing their initial notion that he was an immigrant, he did not possess any accent of any kind.

“Customs officials. I am the Honorable Cano Noah, Scribe of the Religious Division of the Ministry of the Storehouse. Alongside me is the nation’s highest ranked human Cardinal, the overseer of all TurtleShroomian Catholic Christendom. His name is Jason Icfella, and he is also the Spiritual Advisor of the country. In the blankets behind us is Doctor West Moreland, employed by the National Southern Baptist Convention of TurtleShroom and considered one of the nation’s greatest Biblical scholars, and one of our most learned theologians and parochial experts. Do not unwrap the blankets. Sentient turtles become ill, sluggish, and unresponsive, like any reptile, when exposed to brutal cold.”

Cano paused for them to comprehend his rant, and then spoke again.

“We are the theological delegation dispatched to determine the parochial nature of Yue Imperial Shrine, Incorporated. The institution possesses over ten million followers in TurtleShroom, which has forced the hand of the government- even without a stable regime –to assess the parochial legitimacy of the institution so fast growing in TurtleShroom. Our decision carries the force of law and all statements made to us are under oath. Causing harm to any one of us or speaking falsely about the faith is punishable by death, even in international realms. Do not ask how it is enforced. It just is.”

He nodded as he finished and prepared for his inspection by the customs officials, gesturing to the obviously excited Cardinal Icfella to remain still. Cano hated the cold and hated the catgirls; a look of icy displeasure and disgust in his eyes was more than evident behind his stone cold poker face. As they showed their passports, they noted that Cano had listed his religion as “Agnostic”.

[Urmanian]

Azure sat there quite palpably bored, her head resting on the table as she used her telekinesis to tap away on her tablet. The Yue and the Japanese were going on about their military technology like little colts talking about their favourite toys, and a small smirk visited the blue pony's face as she thought that shoving some reports on the Herdite military in their faces could stifle some of their cocksureness, as she arguably was the representative of the single strongest military power in here.

"Do not have your hopes so high" - Azure Rhapsody said to Samuel as he spoke about TurtleShroomer plans on creating a nuclear satellite network, the pony toying with a dictaphone that was lying in her pockets the whole time. - "The Herd is unlikely to allow TurtleShroom to have such technology, whether via peace agreement clauses or anti-satellite missiles."

"Causing harm to any one of us or speaking falsely about our faith, in turn, is punishable by death of your entire nation." - Azure then said to Cano as he spoke, matter-of-factly. - "Just a fair warning. And I am not afraid of speaking falsely about your faith as I find it despicable. Yahweh is malevolent and evil. Our Ladies would never allow turtles, or mushrooms to live without souls. Nor would they approve of the evil deeds that Yahweh demands to be done in his name and that are indeed perpetrated within your nation. Now kill me."

Azure crossed her forelegs and leaned back in her seat.

[Comrade Commisar]

Crescent Bay, Yue Mainland

| Temperature; -42 Celsius (-43 Farenheit), Weather; Light Snow, Light Wind |

By the time the Turtleshroomian theologians arrived, a new customs had replaced the previous shift. This one, stationed at night with considerably less sea trade, was more lenient with the Turtleshroom theologians. Mister Noah's threat of death if one of the members of the Turtleshroomian theologians was injured was also quite the motivator. The human customs, holding up torchlight even in the early hours of the afternoon, lead the group towards the Imperial Shrine of Crescent Bay - which as this point had been somewhat buried in snow.

The customs, digging out the snow, immediately greeted the guests and lead them inside in place of Ai, who had been having quite a difficult time playing even checkers against the Turtleshroomian Debt Ombudsman. Leading them to the main room, she immediately bowed and left the shrine, leaving the men to the High Priestesses.

High Priestess Lang was the first to note the new arrivals, immediately recognizing their style of wear similar towards the wear of Christians within the South Lands. Immediately notifying High Priestess Feng of such, Feng turned her head for a quick glare at the Turtleshroomian Theologian Group composed of one, very stone-faced man, the questionable cardinal, and the apiled mass of blankets. Cano, making eye contact for a split second with Feng, could almost feel a fiery hate numbering many decades emitting itself across the room before the High Priestess turned away to continue talking to her peer.

"Welcome, and I suppose you are the South Land theologians?" Asked Yuan Li as she ignored the Japanese, Tsao, and Asahinan debate over arms, "You appear very cold and fatigued. Please, sit down and warm yourselves up, there is no need to rush into anything of matter so quickly. If you must, there is some hot food, not far from that Far Eastern man edulging himself there."

"Greater Equine," High Priestess Yuan said as she looked almost lazily at the pony, "Please note that everything is being recorded for storage into the Imperial Archives, and that should any violence that shall take place, you will be formally known as the instigator. If you continue to instigate violence within this relatively peaceful Shrine, I shall have you escorted out. Is that understood?"

"Now then," Yuan said, drinking a sip of butter tea before continuing, "You are here to investigate the Imperial Shrine after the conversion of ten million South Landers to our religion, which seemingly caught your government off guard. Now you are here to record the legitimacy of the Imperial Shrine of Yue, and upon review, our operations within the South Lands may or may not be effected. Correct?"

"Alas, while it may be your first time dealing with the North Lands, know that it is not of the first time we have dealt with South Landers. High Priestess Feng here can be consulted upon the result of that..." Yuan said, gaining rather aggressive stares from Feng, "Nevertheless, I find it jestful that we already possess ten million followers within the South Lands, as we have not been spreading our teachings as of yet and have only established a small economic trade center there. Interesting, indeed..."

"Well then." Yuan said, "If you have any questions upon the operations or methods of the Imperial Shrine, feel free to ask me. However, if you seek to know the history behind the Imperial Shrine anywhere from here to roughly a millenium previous, I would refer towards High Priestess Lang. Well, that is all I suppose, ask away."

High Priestess Feng, angered by the presence of the Turtleshroomian theologians, decided to calm herself by stepping outside the Shrine. Lighting a cigarette, Feng began smoking quietly in the howling winds of Crescent Bay - which while illegal in the North Lands, her rather harsh nature made others not openly object towards this relatively simple action. Throughout the North Lands, her hate of South Land Christians, or merely Christians in general, was infamous. Although she would refrain from murdering the Turtleshroomian theologians immediately while in the Shrine, one wrong movement, one wrong word, and they would be charred to a crisp and their vessel in the dark depths of the ocean - regardless of the consequences.

Meanwhile, the Tsao Brigadier General listened to the Emperor negotiate a possible arms trade between their two respective nation. Considering the proposal, General Fei recalled the stalement upon Treicha due to the distinct lack of an effective air force and method to traverse the terrain. He also recalled the troublesome Aquitaynian Navy bombarding cities, with the Tsao Navy unable to engage the enemy fleet due to their reliance on conventional guns rather than cruise missiles. Smiling at the Emperor, the Tsao made his decision.

"Of course, Comrade Emperor. We would be more than happy to purchase weapons from our finest ally." He grinned, "Your Type 10F Heavy Tank, MEIJI drones, and Shin Shin stealthplanes would be more than a welcome addition towards the Tsao Military. Nuclear submarines, although not as much needed, would also be most benefitial. Having such weapons delivered towards Hong Haigang as soon as possible would be even better, comrade." The General finalized as he began staring at the new arrivals.

[YellowApple]

As the other delegates either discussed military matters or petty reasons for national obliteration, Colgate gave Marcus a blank look as she spoke to him, keeping her volume down.

"¿Is this what all the meetings are about?"

"Believe me," Marcus replied with a laugh. "This isn't anywhere near as bad as some of the other meetings. Most meetings result in gunfire within a few minutes. This one is... making progress."

"¿Should we not intervene in the brewing debate?"

"Eh... perhaps I could participate... ¿Why not?"

With that, Marcus cleared his throat, directing his words to the TurtleShroomers and Herd delegates simultaneously. His voice creaked as he spoke, his age quite apparent - and not only in the wrinkles on his face or the grey in his hair.

"Now, now, making threats of national destruction is no way to establish peace. Christianity and Ponyism are not mutually exclusive, at least not in and of themselves. 'Tis the individual sects that pose a problem. Many Christians - myself included - regard all sapient species as equals in the eyes of God, and all worthy to reside in the Kingdom of Heaven. Condemning slander about Ponyism while commending slander about Christianity is - from what I understand - not only a harsh double-standard, but additionally against Ponyist ideals, at least in terms of Secular Ponyism; I am uncertain how Spiritual Ponyism differs in the treatment of other beings and philosophies, but I don't imagine there would be much of a difference. Colgate, ¿what say you on the matter?"

"I... uh..."

Colgate was not used to speaking about her own religious faith.

"Well, being a Spiritual Ponyist myself, I, uh, I certainly believe that the Element of Kindness would warn against being quick to any kind of violence, especially the eradication of an entire nation."

She left it at that, blushing profusely. Marcus continued.

"Now, how about instead of discussing sin and evil we start discussing the Pact. We as an alliance have been rather inactive as of late, at least as a unified force. ¿Are there any major events on a national level that would be worth discussing regarding international attendance?"

[Urmanian]

"No, it's not a double standard. Christianity and Ponyism are two completely different religions." - Azure said, eyeing the YellowApplan delegates. YellowApplans, she thought. Always using the no-true-scotsman stratagem and claiming spiritual authority when it comes to Ponyism while themselves barely being Ponyist in anything but name, their antics often irritated the Herdite government. - "One of them promotes slavery, speciesism and oppression of the fellow being and enjoys a place among Discord-worship and other chaos cults in Herdite legal system, guess which one is this?"

She moved a strand of her mane behind her ear and turned back to the TurtleShroomer theologians.

"Be again warned, TurtleShroomers, that for every hair that falls from my mane, literally, a city of yours will be razed to ground and a million of your people slain." - she said. - "With this out of the way, I would also like to move on to discussing the alliance matters. While arms trade between our nations that is being discussed now might be of little use because of the...peculiar nature of our technology, I would like to know how else could the Herd benefit from membership in the Pact and benefit others."

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

"Yes Samuel. The 'boob brigade' if you wish to call it thus. Indeed, they are doing well compared to before. We had once received reports of their near annihilation, however recently with multi-lateral assistance they are coming back onto their feet. Soon they would be able to crush the Nuclear Conglomerate of Yushuu on one front, leaving us less work to do. Also," the Comrade People's Emperor said giving a pause to return a hostile look of his own, "I can see you despise the Viet Cong. It is an honourable organisation, moreover they fought for their country's independence, for their survival, as well as for the greatness that is Communism. Americans have always blinded the world with false propaganda, moreover it is time we spread the truth around. They have taken Sun Tzu's words in heart, fought a true unconventional war with success, moreover defeated a power greater than their own selves. Now, as a Unified nation, the Vietnamese have taught us tonnes about Viet Cong fighting methods, which we have adopted into our armed forces. Former Viet Cong operatives themselves have been merged into the unified Teikoku military known as the People's Liberation Resistance Armed Forces. In fact even Ho Chi Minh as well as Vo Nguyen Giap are high ranking officials in the inner circle known as The Huangdiist People's Revolutionary Akatsuki-Kairoshuu Politburo & Regime."

He paused once more, then resumed. "As for the satellites your points have been registered in our minds, moreover we are ready to consider the possibilities of helping the TurtleShroomians build an automated nuclear response system which could operation in the difficult decision making process, without 'human meddling'. In addition, we believe your computers need a major series of upgrades. You seem to be relying on these old monsters when you could a smaller set of systems with modern processors, more memory, more hard drive space, among other honourable things. We shall indeed provide the material, personnel, blueprints, among other necessities for this endeavour. As for you Azure, I believe we could sell weapons to your nation if you wish so that our economy gains strength in the exporting sector, whilst your benefiting would be more weapons in reserve stockpiles, as well as potential material to resell elsewhere later on, so long as such reselling of our weapons happen only within the premises of the Dragon's Fury Pact, the Comitern of Militarist States, or with other alliances we are part of moreover trust." the Emperor said as he turned to Azure.

Then, turning back to Samuel the Comrade People's Emperor added "You should also refrain from having this look at my mentioning. I could not only see through minds however also through facial expressions & body language. Many former Viet Cong operatives have been merged into numerous positions in the Teikoku, moreover there is someone in this room that has had a Viet Cong relative. Be careful with whom you look hostile to." he said. Nguyen Trai Van soon stepped up then added "Indeed, my father was a former Viet Cong serviceman. One should know he served well, moreover now holds a Red Guards position in Hanoi." he said

[YellowApple]

"¿Discrimination against species, you say?" Marcus stated with a tone of amusement. "Ah, how incorrect you are. Then again, I would not expect you to understand or comprehend that 'slavery, speciesism, and oppression' is a minority among Christianity. Perhaps historically there have been cases, but many faiths have had this problem in days past. To paint all of a religion a specific color based solely on the observations of a particularly obvious minority seems to be a rather blatant logical fallacy, ¿would you not agree? Not to mention that many Ponyist cultures have no issue with maintaining elitist dominion over sapient bovines, ovisians, and suidates, holding them in pens and exploiting their skills and natural produce. ¿Would this mean that all Ponyists are slavers?"

Herdites, Colgate thought to herself as she listened to both Marcus and the Herd delegate. Always failing to see logic or reason and preferring the 'my way or the highway attitude'. There was a reason the Greater Pony Herd had remained on YellowApplan political watchlists - as did most theocracies - despite initially-friendly interactions; the Greater Pony Herd accompanied TurtleShroom, Luziyca, and Angrivantis, among others, on the list of nations which may pose a threat against YellowApple, Inc. as a whole (or have in the past), YellowApple, Inc. being a secular nation in stark contrast. She nonetheless spoke up, since this talk of religion and ethics was rather boring and uncomfortable.

"This line of discussion is relatively irrelevant, however, and seems to be only detrimental to our unity as a Pact. As for the Herd benefiting themselves and others, YellowApple, Inc. is interested in enacting commercial agreements, specifically regarding agricultural goods and natural resources. The Greater Pony Herd in particular has a sizable agricultural presence according to our data, and given the proximity of the Herd to the flight path of New Cloudsdale, we are interested in enacting a more official commercial agreement involving open low-level commerce directly with local farmers - specifically, with YellowApple, Inc. charged with reduced or eliminated tariffs and import/export taxes/fees - in exchange for discounts and/or Resale Manufacturing Authorization on YellowApplan products and services. The precise terms are open for discussion, if an agreement of this nature is acceptable."

[Urmanian]

Azure chose to not pay any attention to Marcus' rant and instead turned to the Japanese Emperor.

"I'd imagine incorporating your military technology into our armed forces would be problematic and as for nuclear weapons, the Herd already possesses over one hundred thousand nuclear warheads, a profuse quantity of delivery means and the capability to produce more on its own. But, while we do not entirely share the "nuclear enthusiasm" of your people..." - she smiled. - "I am sure we could find an use for them. But also, if the reselling of the nuclear weapons is to happen only within the Japanese sphere of influence, so to speak, it would be rather unconvenient for us, as we do not possess many friendly nations within it. If however proliferation shan't be limited only to these nations, we may consider your offer."

"An agreement of this nature would be agreeable indeed" - Azure tried to smile at Colgate, and somewhat succeeded at it, despite her irritation with YellowApplans rising. - "We would not pay much mind to reducing certain tax and tariff burdens on exports to YellowApple, and I am sure the private sector would be open for cooperation."

[TurtleShroom]

The theologians entered into the shrine. While Cano was silent and stoically grim as ever, Jason thanked the customs officials thoroughly and shook their hands, again unprejudiced that they were catgirls. The cocoon of blankets shook slightly as a long neck extended out of it, and a green tortoise looked around with an intrigued expression, smiling at the various goings-on in the Shrine. He seemed at peace with himself.

Expecting a friendly air, the three were immediately greeted with words of pure hate and bigotry from that infernal Urmanian horse.

"Causing harm to any one of us or speaking falsely about our faith, in turn, is punishable by death of your entire nation." - Azure then said to Cano as he spoke, matter-of-factly. - "Just a fair warning. And I am not afraid of speaking falsely about your faith as I find it despicable. Yahweh is malevolent and evil. Our Ladies would never allow turtles, or mushrooms to live without souls. Nor would they approve of the evil deeds that Yahweh demands to be done in his name and that are indeed perpetrated within your nation. Now kill me."

Cardinal Icfella gasped and grasped his chest in shock. He could hardly hear the words coming out of Azure's muzzle. All he was told of Ponyism in his home base at the Oakwood Cathedral of Jonesboro was shattered, and his deepest fears confirmed. His eyes grew slightly teary as he defiantly turned away and quickly walked forward.

Doctor Moreland hissed at the pony with much anger, but he spoke calmly.

"Is every Urmanian a pompous, arrogant blowhard? Our nation is preparin' fast ta make peace with ya'll, and you's still actively demandin' that we be annialated. Ya'll are supposedly practicin' a faith of love, peace, tolerance, n' hahmony." he said. "I detect nothing but hate, deceit, bigotry, arrogance, and hypocrisy in yer haht. Would them 'ladies ' allow you to turn our nation to ash, defile othersd' deities, and spit nothin' but hate and pure disgust at others? That ain't harmonious OR tolerant. Look into yerself before ya dare mock the One True God, and while yer at it, pray to them dang Ladies that they'll forgive you for forgettin' to love, tolerate, n' live all harmonious."

With that, the good doctor stepped out of the wagon and exited to slowly crawl to where Jason was calming down, his arms wrapped around himself. Without the blankets on him, one noticed a humble black cloth draped over his shell that technically qualified as a robe.


Cano said nothing as he looked at Azure with a stink eye of intimidation that far exceeded her own abilities. Even if it did not scare Azure, the pony still realized he was good at it.

He adjusted his glasses and whipped the beautiful fountain pen from his ear. He looked straight down and squinted his eyes tightly. Taking the guilded clipboard and gripping it in his left hand, he speedily wrote several sentences onto some papers and placed the pen back where it started, with mere seconds passing. He opened his eyes and looked back up, his expression unchanged. In total silence, he turned full circle and swept the heavy white mantle with the dollar sign to Azure's line of vision, marching on as if she was nothing of any value.


The theologians saw Leroy down the hall, and Jason and West waved and smiled, respectively. Leroy waved back and continued taking Ai to the cleaners at the game. They approached the part of the building where the Priestesses sat.

Cano, making eye contact for a split second with Feng, could almost feel a fiery hate numbering many decades emitting itself across the room before the High Priestess turned away to continue talking to her peer.

Cano recognized the glare and repeated the same motions he did with Azure; he was squinting, writing, and ending the deed in seconds.

Following tradition, Cano, having no faith and acting as an agent of the state, bowed deeply and greeted each Priestess by their full names and titles, before raising up when allowed. Cardinal Jason, being a man of cloth and representing his denomination, did not bow- it was against TurtleShroomian law to bow to pagan clerics -but he did say a simple "hello" before introducing himself. In the same day, Doctor Morelandgreeted them respectfully as they spoke.

"Now then," Yuan said, drinking a sip of butter tea before continuing, "You are here to investigate the Imperial Shrine after the conversion of ten million South Landers to our religion, which seemingly caught your government off guard. Now you are here to record the legitimacy of the Imperial Shrine of Yue, and upon review, our operations within the South Lands may or may not be effected. Correct?"

Jason was about to speak, but Cano held him off and let the Priestesses say the rest of what they needed to say. Cano fiddled with his glasses and nodded as they finished.

"After I finish speaking, the review will commence. Before we begin, allow me to make the following notices as TurtleShroomian law requires. First, is the manner of address. Our people's law requires all ambassadors, government officials, and diplomats, as well as theologians when addressing clerical figures, to call you by your proper honorific. I assume that would by Your Grace, Priestesses."

He paused, his deep voice showing no emotion before or after he had finished. He promptly continued while Cardinal Icfella grasped his hands together and rocked slightly back and forth, to calm his energy.

"For the purpose of mutual repsect, allow me to clarify who we are and how we are addressed. My name is Cano Noah. I am a Scribe of the Religious Division of the Ministry of the Storehouse. My job is to chronicle, verbatim, all that is said in way of questions and answers, and, with the consensus of these two Christians, make the final judgement. I am addressed as 'Your Honor', per TurtleShroomian statute. To my left is His Eminence, Cardinal Jason Icfella, Spiritual Advisor of the Holy Republic of TurtleShroom, and the national Cardinal over all TurtleShroomian Catholic Christendom, the highest ranked human under the Pope in our country. His manner of address is 'Your Eminence', per his church denomination's governance."

Jason nodded and smiled politely to the Priestesses, not biased by one being a nekomimi. Cano continued.

"To my right is the Reverend Doctor West Moreland, professional theologian and Biblical scholar from the Southern Baptist Convention of TurtleShroom. He is not an actual cleric, so the proper way to address him is 'Doctor'."

Doctor Moreland smiled and lowered his head in respect.

"It is an honuh, Priestess Lang." he said to Lang. He rose back up and gave a passive glance at the kitsune to Lang's left. "Yer Grace." he said without emotion, an obvious part of his bias towards catgirls.

Cano took it up from there.

"Now, I must verse you in TurtleShroomian law covering religious classification and arbitration. It is first and foremost to be noted that causing physical harm or death to any theologian in the arbitration process is punishable by death. It does not matter where it occurs, because the punishment is indeed enforced.
This is not because we are supposed to be superior to you, but rather, because it has national security and economic security merits. You see, if someone was to strike us, it'd immediately cast their representative faith as villainous and destroy their chances in TurtleShroom, not to mention causing potential riots and persecution by the citizenry."

He nodded.

"Next, anything you say from here on out is binding and under oath. I will administer this oath, and you will repeat it. It is non-sectarian and certainly not biased to any faith. After swearing in, you can not take back or request us to take back anything we have written as you saying. You can not lie to us or feign something to score points in the process. Doing so will result in punishments prescribed by TurtleShroomian law, mainly encompassing steep fines and penalties of varying scope, as well as a re-analysis that usually results in a lower ranking."

Cano did not stop there.

"At the conclusion of the analysis, the Cardinal here will open this box and reveal the Stamps, each representing the classifications of faith. Some of the actual stamps are hundreds of years old, others mere years, but all are of equal importance. Each of your foreheads will be stamped with the stamp baring the symbol that we have classified your faith."

He concluded and turned to face the wagon. Bending over and picking up some items, he first handed the Priestesses the gift wrapped present. Doctor Moreland beamed from below as Priestess Lang opened it, and spoke as they looked at it.
On top of the box was a large, heavy ornately decorated, black leather-bound book with golden, shiny-lined pages and a detailed cross. Written on it were the words "HOLY BIBLE"... in the Yue language!

Under it were over two hundred pocket Bibles, in paperback, containing the Old and New Testaments. Each one was translated into the Yue Language.

"What ya'll are seein'," said West, his little turtle face loaded with pride, "Is a Bible. -but not just any Bible. That there Bible, the real big one, was bound by hand and handwritten in red and black ink on durable parchments, by expert translators and scholars from the Catholic Church. It has calligraphy and decorations throughout its text. Translated straight from the oldest versions of Scripture's Greek and Hebrew languages and into the language of the Yue Commissariat, it is a gift from our people to yours, and is the most accurate Yue Bible to ever be printed, assumin', a course, that there are other Bibles written in Yue. Under that are over two hundred small Bibles we produced for yer archives n' libraries 'n whatever, all in your mother tongue. They are a complimentary gift that we hope you will treasure and maybe even learn from."

Cano nodded as West finished. Cano removed two books from the wagon as Shrine employees took the Bibles away. The first book looked well over a century old, and was leather bound in white and gold. It was fairly thin. On it read "LEGITIMATE FAITHS", in beautiful calligraphy. Frowning, but still lovely, angels surrounded it, their hands gestured to the text.
The second book was solid black and bound in a modern hardcover, thicker than the white one. In a red, bold font, it read "FALSE DOCTRINES". Also etched onto it was a pentagram and detailed sketches of demons.

"These are the two books of TurtleShroomian classification." Cano explained. "The first one is the only one and has been managed since the 1800s, and the second one was first printed in 1978. Repsectively, all legitimate religions are encoded in the white one by hand, while the black one is updated every five years with the ever growing list of false doctrines, evil cults, and secularly made cults of personality."

He held them to the Priestesses, placing the white one on top of the black one, and telling them to place their hands and paws over it, without touching it.

[TurtleShroom]

"Now, repeat."

I, {FULL NAMES AND TITLES}, do hereby swear with all the nations of the world, the heavens, and the earth as my witness, that the answers I yield unto the TurtleShroomian arbitration is, without exception, completely accurate, legitimate, truthful, and open. I acknowledge that I represent {FULL NAME OF RELIGION} and am authorized to speak in its name, and I hereby agree that the classification assigned to {FULL NAME OF RELIGION} is irrevocable. Therefore, as ambassadors and spokesmen for {MOST IMPORTANT DEITY IF APPLICABLE}, I swear to answer all inquiries to the fullest of my abilities as men of cloth. So help me {DEITY}!

Not wanting to hurt the prospects of the Shrine, both Priestesses recited the full Oath and began.


Jason lodged the first question series.

"What must any layman know about Yue Shrine Incorporated to understand it, and what, if any, deities does Yue Shrine Incorporated worship or honor? What is the view of life, death, good, and evil adhered to by Yue Shrine Incorporated?"

Doctor West lobbied the second.

"What are the primary goals directed to the mortal representatives, in laity and clergyman both, of Yue Shrine Incorporated, how are they ordered to live their lives, and how strict are they mandated to follow them?"

Cano added the third and then waited for their responses.

"What sacred text or oral traditions, if any, is considered divinely inspired, revealed, or key to the beliefs and practices of Yue Shrine Incorporated, what is or are the history of this book or books, and how and when were they discovered and compiled, separating false Gnostic texts from legitimate canon passages?"

[YellowApple]

As Marcus attempted to speak again, Colgate rested her hoof on his shoulder.

"¿How about we not continue this line of discussion? Perhaps it would be wiser to simply acknowledge their differences and move on to constructive interactions."

"Fine..." Marcus sighed, reclining in his chair as Colgate returned her attention to the Herd delegation.

"We're pleased to hear that such an offer would be agreeable. ¿Are you authorized to sign on behalf of your own government on reducing said tariffs and taxes, or should we establish a time and place for further discussion with an official who is?"

Marcus, in the meantime, felt a slight discomfort in his chest, but thought little of it, figuring it to be heartburn from breakfast.

[Comrade Commisar]

High Priestess Yuan looked at both the Turtleshroomian and Greater Pony Herd delegations. Splitting both of them apart, she immediately stated the situation regarding them.

"Any further escalation of this argument of religion or beliefs, and I shall have both your respective parties removed from this shrine and out within the bitter cold outside. I've told you once to stop this petty arguing, or should I remind you the results of the past conferrences?" The High Priestess said, not particularly favoring any party over the other. Seating herself once more, she kept a watchful eye upon Azure, seeing as she instigated the argument to begin with.

After listening towards the theologian's guidelines and customs, High Priestess Yuan merely nodded with a somewhat tired grin. The terms were acceptable, considering the rather violent and brash nature of certain factions within the conferrence. Yuan, however, pointed out that with the weather in the North Lands, anything could become unpredictable within a matter of minutes.

Lang, on the other hand, was quite amused with the Turtleshroomian bible, which was expertly crafted with its gold-trimed pages and fine leather cover. Although not one for Christianity, Lang had to admit that the craftmanship that went into the article was some of the finest she had seen in centuries. Bowing towards the turtle in thanks, Lang tucked the rather large book safely between her and Yuan.

After the oath, Yuan Li cleared her throat before answering the Theologian's questions.

"Regarding the Imperial Shrine's views upon Life and Death, we see death as the mere transition from this realm towards the next. That is not to say we cannot interact with them, but rather, that they exist on a different, yet equal plane. Spirits are to be left to peace in the next realm, although one may request good fortune from their ancestors within times of need or rememberance." Spoke Yuan Li as she recorded the Theologian's own actions, "As for good and evil, both exist, although the line between them is sometimes blurred. Good and evil shall always exist, as neither can exist without the other. However, a balance must be maintained, and if that balance is lost, it must be restored accordingly. That is the mere basics our ideology."

"As for the behaviorisms of our Priestesses, such requirements within their daily lives are little. Maintaining active recordings of their respective shrines, assisting the populace, harmonization, management of a shrine, and keeping their respective populace safe from spirits is some of their daily tasks. Other than being a suitable role model within their towns, Priestesses are fairly unrestricted in terms of what they may and may not do. Of course, their are some variations and exceptions from Shrine to Shrine, but overall those traits are fairly common throughout our areas of influence." Yuan said, sipping her tea once more.

"When it comes to written texts, the Yue people possess no single, unique text. Rather, the written history of the Yue people is stored within the Imperial Archives, dating nearly any year from the first High Priestess to now. Formally, since the Imperial Shrine collects daily observations from the populace, most texts approved by the Imperial Shrine of Yoitsu and stamped with the Imperial Seal are often texts of relevant value - and are normally written by High Priestesses within the Imperial Shrine. As per the Imperial Archives, texts of informational value are lined with a black trim, official decrees and statements with purple trim, divide or supernatural occurances of special notice with golden trim, regular internations with tengu and the like with silver trim, and finally the daily observations of the populace with white trim." The High Priestess said before noting smaller elements.

"Of course, nothing is determined as universal, and some elements within the Imperial Shrine, Imperial Archives, or High Priestesses may vary or change throughout the years and regions. Note that I am merely listening the common traits as I have observed, and that some of this information may not apply." Yuan finalized, finishing her tea, "If you wish more detailed information upon any one subject, feel free to ask."

"If I recall correctly..." Stated Lang as she groomed her tail, "...the Imperial Archives hold eighty-eight scrolls which are considered the most important within the Imperial Shrine. While I have not read them myself, I have heard that they mention the foundation of the Imperial Shrine, folklore, spiritual deities, history of the North Lands, and simple petty things like that. However, considering that the Imperial Archives contain nearly every article written from now towards the invention of writing, study of the Imperial Shrine is rather more personal pursuit than forced belief."

Shrugging, the kitsune simply smiled.
"I know not much of how to describe our system of archive, South Land Theologians. It is rather quite a difficult system to explain and is more suited for education through use, than through spoken word. However, I believe it is similar to what you South Landers refer to as... hmm... The Library of Alexandria...? I simply do not know..." Lang smiled as she drank, her thoughts unsettled as she was quite drunk as this time, but was miraculously able to such effects up. Waiting for the Turtleshroomians to reply, she quietly combed her tail as the howling wind outside could be heard through the thick timbers of the Shrine.

[TurtleShroom]

{OOC: GEIJD, I did not forget you. That theologian story arc has not removed Samuel and his talks with your characters. I'll get around to you, too, perhaps today or this week. }

[Greater Evil Imperial Japanese Dystopia]

(Out-of-Character): I suppose this is good. However do not expect me to be able to respond in the next few days as I shall be away for some time. At this point as I previously mentioned in another thread I will be away to recover; moreover this goes without mentioning the possible option of hospitalisation. I will come by a few times using my mobile device to look at telegrammes or read articles in 'General', however the offline period from International Incidents & General will last for one to five weeks before I come back to resume some threads here or there, depending on events. After this, foreshadowing the ever possible hospitalisation, from the ending months of 2012 to early 2013 I will again not be there. I apologise if this could cause inconveniences. I most sincerely apologise.

[YellowApple]

(Out-of-Character): I suppose this is good. However do not expect me to be able to respond in the next few days as I shall be away for some time. At this point as I previously mentioned in another thread I will be away to recover; moreover this goes without mentioning the possible option of hospitalisation. I will come by a few times using my mobile device to look at telegrammes or read articles in 'General', however the offline period from International Incidents & General will last for one to five weeks before I come back to resume some threads here or there, depending on events. After this, foreshadowing the ever possible hospitalisation, from the ending months of 2012 to early 2013 I will again not be there. I apologise if this could cause inconveniences. I most sincerely apologise.

No worries. Get well soon, bro.

[TurtleShroom]

(Out-of-Character): I suppose this is good. However do not expect me to be able to respond in the next few days as I shall be away for some time. At this point as I previously mentioned in another thread I will be away to recover; moreover this goes without mentioning the possible option of hospitalisation. I will come by a few times using my mobile device to look at telegrammes or read articles in 'General', however the offline period from International Incidents & General will last for one to five weeks before I come back to resume some threads here or there, depending on events. After this, foreshadowing the ever possible hospitalisation, from the ending months of 2012 to early 2013 I will again not be there. I apologise if this could cause inconveniences. I most sincerely apologise.

{OOC: It's okay. Take the time you need to heal.}

[TurtleShroom]

"Regarding the Imperial Shrine's views upon Life and Death, we see death as the mere transition from this realm towards the next. That is not to say we cannot interact with them, but rather, that they exist on a different, yet equal plane. Spirits are to be left to peace in the next realm, although one may request good fortune from their ancestors within times of need or rememberance."

Cano repeated his previous actions and scribbed rapidly as the Priestess spoke, while Jason and Doctor West nodded, huddling together and whispering quietly.

"Ancestuh worship." West said to his far younger, less-educated human friend. "It's traditional in Oriental places like this. The belief in an afterlife is nearly identical to ours."

Jason nodded, well versed in Christian beliefs, but little on others, unlike his turtle friend.

"Our faith sees the afterlife as two higher, unequal planes that takes extreme, usually evil, power to contact from the mortal world. Contact is almost entirely between demons and sorcerers initiated by mortals, but divine contact can be initated by God Himself to mere men."

Both nodded and broke their huddle, listening to the sound of Cano's vintage fountain pen scrawl. The Priestesses continued.

"As for good and evil, both exist, although the line between them is sometimes blurred. Good and evil shall always exist, as neither can exist without the other. However, a balance must be maintained, and if that balance is lost, it must be restored accordingly. That is the mere basics our ideology."

Cano did not change his expression or movements as he continued writing. Jason and West nodded.

"That's interesting." said the Cardinal, as he placed his hand to his chin. "In our faith, we hold that good is at eternal war with evil, both within us and in the multiverses of the NationStates dimension. God runs the good and Satan the evil. There is no balance of the two, because there was a time of complete good, until, according to the Bible, humanity- the only beings with souls -screwed up and cursed all other beings into sin. This curse allowed evil to become a force, but it had a silver lining, much like Pandora's Box: the Fall of Adam gave the ability of mankind and other sentient beings to have Free Will and choose good themselves, instead of being mere puppets. In a way, this could be the balance. Without evil, we couldn't choose God, and choose good. What a world it would be if we had no free will?"

Doctor Moreland added: "If that there blance ya'll said is upset, say, good begins to outdo evil, how's it go about fixin' itself?"

Cano said nothing.

"As for the behaviorisms of our Priestesses, such requirements within their daily lives are little. Maintaining active recordings of their respective shrines, assisting the populace, harmonization, management of a shrine, and keeping their respective populace safe from spirits is some of their daily tasks. Other than being a suitable role model within their towns, Priestesses are fairly unrestricted in terms of what they may and may not do."

Jason cocked an eyebrow and looked to West (with West looking back and thinking the same), then to the (to them) villanious kitsune, as it was described that Priestesses had to be "suitable role models".

Cano continued writing, faster this time.

"That's interesting," Jason said, respectfully nodding. "It sounds like the role of Priestess in your company is more of a mortal job than a holy or divine calling to special people. Is this correct? Can any devout Yue female become a Priestess because they want to and meet the requirements, or does a special calling from above need to initiate one's drive? In Christianity, in both my denomination and the Doctor's here, a man can not enter the priesthood unless he truly feels that God Himself has spoken to his soul and said 'I want you to tend to feed my sheep', so to speak."

They then continued to listen to the next explanations.

"When it comes to written texts, the Yue people possess no single, unique text. Rather, the written history of the Yue people is stored within the Imperial Archives, dating nearly any year from the first High Priestess to now. Formally, since the Imperial Shrine collects daily observations from the populace, most texts approved by the Imperial Shrine of Yoitsu and stamped with the Imperial Seal are often texts of relevant value - and are normally written by High Priestesses within the Imperial Shrine. As per the Imperial Archives, texts of informational value are lined with a black trim, official decrees and statements with purple trim, divine or supernatural occurances of special notice with golden trim, regular internations with tengu and the like with silver trim, and finally the daily observations of the populace with white trim." The High Priestess said before noting smaller elements.

"Of course, nothing is determined as universal, and some elements within the Imperial Shrine, Imperial Archives, or High Priestesses may vary or change throughout the years and regions. Note that I am merely listening the common traits as I have observed, and that some of this information may not apply." Yuan finalized, finishing her tea, "If you wish more detailed information upon any one subject, feel free to ask."

Jason and West were captivated by the archiving system. That was more complete than the minutes and recordings of TurtleShroomian records, but only by a little.

"If I recall correctly..." Stated Lang as she groomed her tail, "...the Imperial Archives hold eighty-eight scrolls which are considered the most important within the Imperial Shrine. While I have not read them myself, I have heard that they mention the foundation of the Imperial Shrine, folklore, spiritual deities, history of the North Lands, and simple petty things like that. However, considering that the Imperial Archives contain nearly every article written from now towards the invention of writing, study of the Imperial Shrine is rather more personal pursuit than forced belief."

Cano wrote speedily about with a little bit more noticable effort and sound when Lang spoke on the "eighty eight scrolls".

"I know not much of how to describe our system of archive, South Land Theologians. It is rather quite a difficult system to explain and is more suited for education through use, than through spoken word. However, I believe it is similar to what you South Landers refer to as... hmm... The Library of Alexandria...?"

Complete silence, spare the howling wind, followed for quite a bit. Jason and West's jaws dropped, and Cano opened one eye directed to the Priestesses, a look showing that he was extremely impressed but wouldn't admit it. He did it without changing his position or stopping his efficient writing, then quietly closed said eye as he continued.

Finally, after a bit, Doctor Moreland spoke up.

"...the Lie-burry a Alexandria?!"

He turned to Jason excitedly.

"Them catgirls keep more detailed records than us! I thought we were the only ones that recorded when members wiped their noses, coughed, rolled their eyes, and mumbled under their breath. We both seem to record every word, every action, everything to the very last letter... -but they trump us. To have a record keeping system that detailed and for that long, they'd have to have a building the size of..."

Both nearly giggled in their nerdy thrills. Jason nodded eagerly. Cano finished his writings and flipped a page, continuing his work at a breakneck speed, finally concluding as they said "Library of Alexandria", which he visibly circled and underlined.

"Yes, I know, Doctor! Can you imagine where you'd put all those tomes?"

"Golly, no."

"That's amazing."

"Yep."

"WOW."

"I know!"

"They should give us pointers..."

"Nix that, we should store our archives in their vaults!"

"-but what of far?" West added.

"Never mind." Jason said, a surprised 'I didn't think of that' expression of his face.

That made them both speak up, looking to the Priestesses. Each wondered viciously to themselves how all those books could avoid going up in flames. If they were as tech-free as the Amish, what would happen if those beautiufl libraries of records went up in flames? The two visibly shivered as they thought of eons of knowledge turning to dust.

They were distracted.

"-BUT WHAT OF FIRE?"

[TurtleShroom]

Cano scoffed, not looking up or changing his continued squinting, hunching demeanor, but he jabbed Cardinal Icfella in the ribs and lightly kicked Doctor Moreland. That set them back into reality as they noticed the Priestesses waiting for a question actually concerning the Yue Shrine.
TurtleShroomers, in addition to being gullible, were easily distracted. The Priestesses probably noticed this.

Jason shook himself back and pushed his glasses up his nose, continuing.

"Now, we talk the stranger aspects. Deep in the catacombs of Oakwood Cathedral, my fellow Cardinals, bishops, inner circles, creatures of power, and, well, from time to time have shared... strange things ...about the Shrine. Nothing insulting, mind you, but rather... well......... several of my brothers were wearing tinfoil, and I had to be there for my office, and it's just..................."

The Doctor said it bluntly.

"Tinfoil goons in TurtleShroom have gone a-infiltratin' the ranks of the Catholic Church, n' they think ya'll are out to get us with money. Some in the gub'mint think the same. In fact, there are whole Illumanati thing-a-mah-doodles that ya'll are tryin' ta buy us out."

The Cardinal blushed as red as his vestments, not really liking to speak of that. It was nonsense, right? RIGHT? RIGHT?!

Cano did not look up, but he stopped writing.

"TurtleShroomers adore creating insane conspiracies around the most benign of things. Religious TurtleShroomers see a conspiracy around every corner to undermine the faith and morality of one of the most steadfast Judeo-Christian moral states in the known universe."

Jason looked to the floor in embarassment.

"The Catholic Church's upper clergymen actively lobby for investigations from time to time. Jason here rarely participates-" here, Jason smiled lightly "-but as the highest Cardinal in TurtleShroom, he is present when they convene to speak of manners of the world and the nation. They do it a lot."

Cano continued, his demeanor unchanged since he began writing, eyes closed.

"There are two big conspiracies relating to Yue. The first is that you are trying to take us over by stealh economics, which is a lawful way to eventually change something. By owning enough of a company, you eventually direct it. The Yue Shrine recently bought ten percent of the largest oil monopoly in the Land of Power, and one of the most powerful corporations in the nation. Mighty B Oil, Your Graces, pulls the very strings of the oil economy. Between oil, cotton, uranium, and weapons, that is the crux, the keystone, the foundation of our economy. Even our currency relies on our ability to keep the black gold flowing out."

He looked at the Priestesses' reactions and wrote them down.

"The second regards the massive Asian immigration intou our country. In three short years, the Asian population of TurtleShroom has gone from ten to twenty five percent of the country. Most of them are from all over Comrade Commissar, from Greater Imperial Japanese Dystopia, and the rest of the Steele Pact. In fact, we are a common destination for pretty much any human with slanted eyes.
The tinfoil hats of our country fear that this is slowly 'Easternizing' our country, turning us Asian, making our culture more Asian, assimilating us into the Asians we ally with. We'd be the first 'White Asians'.
TurtleShroomer humans remain overwhelmingly white, and the Asians are underrepresented in power, but what they lack in institutional dominance, they make up for in controlling debate.
TurtleShroom now has active Juche Parties, Huangidhist Parties, and Dharconianism Parties in politics, and they are winning legions of voters, Asian and white.
Everyone seems attracted to the idea of introducing caning into the judicial system. They thrill at extending the death penalty, and a strong military resonates deep in the hearts of our veterans and nostalgia goons.
The Asians have awoken the rise of a Monarchist faction in our people. Monarchists have always been a far-right fringe in our country, but not, they're becoming mainstream. There is open talk about bringing back the Kings of TurtleShroom.
Fascists are seeing a return. Hugely popular and influential in the thirties, they vanished after the Nazis and finally split themselves from National Socialism in the 2000s. The age-old Fascist Party of TurtleShroom is in coalition with several of the Asian parties, especially Juche and Dharconianism."

He let all of that soak in.

"Eastern ideas and principles are leaking into every day life. The first anime convention in TurtleShroom history was convened on May 1st, cleared by the Board of Censors because TurtleShroomers began penning their own anime, and a market, after all this time, has finally become big enough to get famous anime imported into the country for cleansing. The Board of Censors has had to hire sixteen translators to dub it and clean it all."

Cano continued.

"However, our nation becoming Easternized has hide a side-effect of strengthening our church. Asians make zealous Christians. They're stirring the fires of holiness now, turning from mysticism and Eastern faiths and catylyzing our people's faith, with fiery speeches in their own language and our mother tongue. Many fled persecution and now convert at record numbers. Church attendance is at record heights.
Indeed, if Easternization would lead to further Christianization of a nation already in the Top One Percent of Devotion to God, we could just sell out and get racial change plastic surgery."

Then, he got to the grit of it.

"That's not all. The Asians are innovators. They're leading the way in ressurecting our businesses. Our economy, for the first time since the death of our prior Chancellors, is once again booming. We've never had such a booming economy. The whites, turtles, and mushrooms, longing to outdo these 'foreigners' that were slowly becoming more TurtleShroom by the generation, competed, and the Free Market took the rest.
I can't believe I'm admitting this, but since the collapse of our government and the immigration waves, TurtleShroom has never been more prosperous or devoted to Jesus... -but neither have we ever been so terrified for our own existance."


He concluded his filibuster.

"What we're asking is this: is the Yue Shrine Company actively engineering in this so-called 'Easternization of TurtleShroom'? Are you trying to take us over, or change us? What are your motives, and do your Scriptures and beliefs say it is okay for an organized religion to get so capitalistic, competitive, and brutal in the marketplace?
Christian churches are not allowed to lobby on your scale by their own faith: they have to focus on the poor. You, however, seem unrestricted."

Cano lookEd up and opened his eyes, staring deep into both Priestesses with a fiery intensity.

"If we declare you a legitimate religion, you would become tax exempt in all you do. That includes your market attacks. You would have an advantage over everything secular and over all the churches of the country, because the former faces some tax and regulation, and the latter can't politicize. Your actions would be cloaked in the same secrecy as Cardinal Icfella's meetings, or our classification of faith. We could not monitor you as a corporation.
What say you? Your people have converted ten million without even evangelizing. Are you out to kick the foundations of Christendom from TurtleShroom? Or, is this market attack simply a legitimate way to excercise for faith?"

West and Jason looked at the two quietly, and for the first time, with worry. They had never seen Cano express much emotion, nor have they heard him speak. They actually feared the Priestesses this time... for the first time. The Priestesses noticed it.

Cano gripped his clipboard.
"Justify these actions post haste."