Diana Melo publishes new book

[Jorall]

IC:

Xarl's jaw crunched. Bone splintered and teeth broke from the impact. He spat up fragments of shattered enamel along with a solution of saliva and blood.

Despite his training and endurance, Xarl was nearing the end. He had simply lost too much blood. One more major wound would bring him down. But that didn't matter. Xarl needed to make sure Diana was dead.

He stooped down and began feeling the sidewalk for his rifle, determined to accomplish his mission.

I'm thinking Diana lost her arm from the attack and maybe has PTSD.

[West Feliciana]

IC:

'What does it take to kill this bastard?'

Pierce was quite simply astonished. He had not expected his opponent to get back up at all, let alone so quickly. Still, he looked pretty bad, and so while the man was fumbling around on the pavement, probably looking for the weapon he had lost, Abial stepped back, raised his pistol, and fired the six remaining shots. He was unlikely to need to reload, but he ejected the spent magazine anyway, replacing it with a fresh one in mere seconds.

******************************

"I don't know!" Jessica replied, doing her best to sound frantic. "Whoever's down there, okay? Somebody's got to have been shot with all that gunfire. Maybe you should be calling the cops, or something."

[Jorall]

He felt the gun. Success! That was when the first of many bullets hit him. He was sent sprawling by two shots to the chest and a third shot to the head finally ended Xarl's life.

He fell limp on the pavement in a growing puddle of his own blood. Within his jacket a communications device buzzed.

"Xarl?" asked a voice through it."Xarl, report! Has Diana been eliminated? Xarl, report!"

[Walrusfolk Eurarcta]

Greetings, Writer of Red Markets

Seeing as there are many nations that banned this book, the Eurarctan Smuggler's Guild now sees profit in smuggling this book to banned countries. We would like to purchase bulk copies of this book, so that we can sell them in foreign Black Markets. We are interested in purchasing around 7,000 copies of this book to sell in foreign markets. Perhaps a couple may find their way into Eurarctan markets, as a foreign culture interest object.

El Mercando Libre is el Mercando Negro,
Archsmuggler Jose of the Smuggler's Guild

[TurtleShroom]

HOLY REPUBLIC OF TURTLESHROOM
BOARD OF CENSORS
REPORT
APPROVED!

ATTENTION IGLESIAN ARCHIPELAGO AND MISS DIANA MELO:

We are honored to announce that your book has been purified to meet the strictest standards of moral decency and integrity.
We have removed all instances of sex, all instances of cursing, and all instances of irreverence to religion from the book and have officially approved the book for unlimited sale in TurtleShroom. The plot, meaning, and subject matters of the book have not been tampered with.
Naturally, you will receive all due royalties, payments, and fees for each purchase and will not be charged for the screening and stickers of approval.

We commend your literary prowess and also provided the TurtleShroom Board of Censors cataloging data for your tome:

Code: Select all

MELO, DIANA
REVELATION
2011
GENRE: MEMOIRS, NON-FICTION, THRILLER
SUBJECT: CAPTURE, DETENTION, AND ESCAPE FROM HIPPOSTANIA
INITIAL SIGHTING: 11-25-2011
CENSORED: 12-06-2011
STICKER SERIAL: 000194559

However, in our shipment, we also found twenty thousand copies of a book also allegedly penned by "Diana Melo", a pseudonym of a man from Luziyca, though the style of writing was different and the book was under the title "Reveleations of a Communist Spy!", with the subtitle "The Real Truth of Diana Melo!"

Assuming this is a parody of your work, you will receive royalties for "Revelation" and "Revelations of a Communist Spy!".
For your records, here is the catalog data for the parody:

Code: Select all

Krone, Provadi - Archbishop of Bethlehem Parish
REVELATIONS OF A COMMUNIST SPY! THE REAL TRUTH OF DIANA MELO!
2011
GENRE: FICTION, PARODY, SATIRE
SUBJECT: CAPTURE, DETENTION, AND ESCAPE FROM HIPPOSTANIA
INITIAL SIGHTING: 12-01-2011
CENSORED: 12-06-2011
STICKER SERIAL: 000194560

Thank you for the contributions to the arts. We hope you receive great profits from both books' sales in TurtleShroom!


God bless,
-TURTLESHROOM HOLINESS BOARD

[ArghNeedAName]

At the PARCELCO depot at Stadhampton Airport, Douglas noticed a note pinned to one of the parcels on the conveyer belt. He picked the parcel off and showed it to his boss.

"Look here Mustafa! It's addressed to Diana Melo!"

"The Iglesian Journalist?"

"It says 'See you in hell'. From Luziyca and Hippostania."

"Which one?" asked Mustafa "Normally they only come from one country."

"Luziyca is in the Illiscinora region isn't it?"

"I think so."

"I know we've just had a shipment from Illiscinora so it must be the former."

"Right, I don't know what it is Doug, but don't open it! Take it to the security check.

"I'll do just that," muttered Douglas. Not noticing another parcel on the floor, he trod on it, stumbled, and the package addressed to Diana Melo jerked out of his hands onto the floor. The two workers gasped.

And then...

[Iglesian Archipelago]

And Revelation has an NSwiki article!

[Unicario]

The Socialist Federal Republic of Unicario and the "New Leningrad Times Best Seller List" has seen Diana Melo's book rising in popularity. It is a very popular book among all sides of the country. Communists, Fascists, Libertarians, Conservatives, Ponies and Humans.

President Ranko Saotome stated while addressing the nation over the popularity of the book, "We all want to help one another. Sapient beings are like that. But the power of the machine and military has made has cruel and unkind, knowledge has made us cynical and unforgiving."

[Iglesian Archipelago]

To: The Government of Hippostania
From: PENCO International Book Wholesalers Ltd., Pony Lands Branch

We would like to inquire to find out why our website just got censored in Hippostania. This is a matter of importance because we get tens of thousands of book orders every day from Hippostania via the website, and our employees need to have access to the website for communication purposes.

Signed
Jim Weineck
Regional Director for the Pony Lands Branch, Book Wholesales

Proud member of the PENCO group - Shipping, Storage, Wholesale and Book Publishing

The government of Hippostania says that Diana Melo's book features communist propaganda. We also don't understand why censorship is happening everywhere in a country which claims to be a paradise for freedom and democracy, while a country like us, which allows extremist ideologies, is far freer than the former.

To: The Democratic Republic of Iglesian Archipelago, cc the publishers of Revelation, cc representatives of Diana Melo
From: Nikolev Suvorov, Aetherian Minister of Foreign Affairs
Encryption: None
Translated from: Aetherian, Formal

On behalf of the Proletarian council of Aetherian ministers, and by extension the Aetherian people, I formally congratulate miss Melo on her recent publication. The Aetherian people have long been outraged by the numerous abuses of basic human rights rampant within Hippostania. Their nation's rampant anti-socialist policies have been of great concern to our socialist republic. Therefore, the council has unanimously voted in favor of securing an agreement to translate this literary work into our native language, as well as a print run of these Aetherian language editions. Premier Bolanov has demanded that this book reach the shelves of every party bookstore, and there are plans to incorporate it into foreign studies classes. PNN is currently preparing a segment to promote this book, and would be pleased if miss Melo could sit for an interview. (Interpreters would be provided should this proposal be accepted.)

In order to make this a reality, The Aetherian Academy of Higher Thought has put forward several linguists to aid in the book's translation, and the Council has approved up to $25 million Aethers from the discretionary spending budget to cover the costs of the initial print run.

Eagerly awaiting your reply,

(Image)
Aetherian Minister of Foreign Affairs

We accept.

[Hippostania]

To: The Government of Hippostania
From: PENCO International Book Wholesalers Ltd., Pony Lands Branch

We would like to inquire to find out why our website just got censored in Hippostania. This is a matter of importance because we get tens of thousands of book orders every day from Hippostania via the website, and our employees need to have access to the website for communication purposes.

Signed
Jim Weineck
Regional Director for the Pony Lands Branch, Book Wholesales

Proud member of the PENCO group - Shipping, Storage, Wholesale and Book Publishing

From: Lyra, Parliamentary Chancellor of the Pony Republic of Hippostania
To: PENCO International Book Wholesalers Ltd., Pony Lands Branch

---

While some parts of your websites have indeed been blocked, as the items for sale there are inconsistent with Hippostanian cultural and political values. The entire site is not blocked, and Hippostanians may still use your site.

---

Signed by

Lyra, Parliamentary Chancellor of the Pony Republic of Hippostania

[Longfort]

Official message from Johand Glondbom

How are you, Diana Melo? Let's go to business.

In the name of the free and civilised countries of the world, we hope that you get killed by a bomb. I don't care how are you going to do so, as long as you do so. If you do so, we promise that we won't declare war on the Iglesian Archipelago. If you don't, consider immediate action from Longfort. The Glorious Empire shall never give up creating an eternally glorious nation like our country is.

The fact that you wrote a book about a nation we admire because of their ban on communism will never be a symbol of the so-called "freedom" you claim to love. First of all, Hippostania IS a free nation, a democratic country, and your Iglesian Archipelago is a country full of freedom-hating commies and peace-hating hippies; it's a communist dictatorship.

If you don't act for yourself, the Iglesian Archipelago shall be the main stage of our war. We hope that we, peace-loving people, shall build our glorious empire which shall be risen forever!

Please again, kill yourself. You're making us and our allies look bad.

Signed,
Johand Glondbom, Major Marshal of Longfort

[ArghNeedAName]

Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

We hope that we, peace-loving people, shall build our glorious empire which shall be risen forever!

OOC: I have permission from the Iglesian Archipelago to do this:

STADHAMPTON - Two employees at the PARCELCO depot at Stadhampton Airport have been injured, one quite seriously, when a mail-bomb that was addressed to Diana Melo was intercepted.

Douglas Hiorn (57) and his supervisor Mustafa Özdemir (53) were working at the sorting section of the depot when Hiorn reportedly observed a package with a label on it being addressed to Diana Melo "from Luziyca and Hippostania" and with the message "See you in hell."

Hiorn picked up the package and showed it to Özdemir, who told the Tribune that "We had no reason to expect it was an explosive, though the label looked vaguely like a death threat. I expect Diana Melo gets a fair deal of hate mail, death threats and accompanying parcels. However, we decided it should be taken to security and examined."

Soon after the agreement was made, Hiorn stumbled and dropped the package on the floor, where it bounced across the floor and detonated, injuring both workers. The ambulance was immediately called and the two were taken to the Stadhampton General Hospital. Özdemir was treated for burns and cuts and released shortly afterwards. Hiorn remains in hospital; according a doctor "his injuries are no longer life-threatening he but appears to have lost two fingers and been potentially blinded in one eye."

At the PARCELCO depot, a shipment of parcels from the Illuscinora region (where Luziyca is located) had just arrived, while the daily a shipment of parcels from the Pony Lands was due to arrive about half an hour after the incident.

Police are investigating the source of the explosive.

[Iglesian Archipelago]

Here's the frontcover of Diana Melo's book (with the logo of Iglesian book publishing company Arvela):

[Jorall]

General Karl Raxisbejdjeindkd paced back and forth within his quarters. The room was small and lavishly decorated, with roman style pillars, purple velvet couches, ancient paintings and abstract sculptures. He was ignoring the decorations however and focusing on a small comm. unit on his desk.

Xarl wasn't responding. It was entirely possible that he had died. After all, Jorall had experienced plenty of problems with their blind, handless and somewhat insane assassins.

If Xarl was dead, he needed to cut off the comm. unit immediately and begin the cover up, before some official picked it up and figured out everything. If Xarl was alive, he needed to wait for the assassin's report. Ultimately, Karl decided to leave it on for 10 more minutes.

[Greater Mackonia]

Location: The Macki Presidential Bunker

President Sikasith turned off the Iglesian news report and turned to his sectary a small black and white cat ."So ...miss melo has written a book bet thats going to hurt that fascist bitch in waverly" said sikasith while getting out a long feathered quill.The cat was shocked as sikasith never usually swore ...sikasith was more of a throwing things at the wall type of mack..but he assumed it must be what most leaders do and therefor is a sign of his mental condition improving."But how should we respond ....the ideological option would be to support her and buy copies of her new book...but i think miss melo could be a hidden danger she is passionate about this democracy and she has spoken favorably about the ponies and the current political climate could do without a government funded book talking well about those disgusting creatures ".Sikasith continued writing before finishing and handing the note to his sectary "Send this to the Iglesian archipelago...


To: Diana Melo of The Iglesian Archipelago

From: President Sikasith Mackhiro of greater Mackonia

First and formost i would like to congratulate you in your brilliant work in exposing the savage Nazi dictatorship in hippostania to the ignorant people of the world you truly deserve all the money your

brilliant piece of work will gain you .But ...there is one flaw in your work of art it has reached our ears that you have spoken favorably about the species of Sapient Equines that are currently threatening our great nation

with genocide and slavery but i and the people of mackonia want to read your brilliant work so therefor is ask if the copies sent to our nation may be edited slightly to censor the favorable parts to ponies

Yours in gratitude: Sikasith Mackhiro

[Luziyca]

As the General realized that Diana Melo was not dead, but an attempt had occurred, and failed, he raged. By that point, Revelation by a Communist Spy, was now selling over 5.6 million copies, and was used as proof of liberty's gifts. The public was now putting public posters, saying that the Iglesian Archipelago is rightfully Hippostanian, and at its open border with Embark, signs read in Swedish, "Den Iglesian skärgård är evigt Hippostanian!", in Luziycan reading, "Kraju Iglesian Arcipelagu neravi krosenh Hippostanian," and in English "The Iglesian Archipelago is forever Hippostanian," with a map beside it with a Hippostanian flag superimposed over an outline of the islands of the Iglesian Archipelago. The government had no opinion on the concept of Hippostania controlling Iglesia, but will support it if war ever occurred.

[Iglesian Archipelago]

IC:

'What does it take to kill this bastard?'

Pierce was quite simply astonished. He had not expected his opponent to get back up at all, let alone so quickly. Still, he looked pretty bad, and so while the man was fumbling around on the pavement, probably looking for the weapon he had lost, Abial stepped back, raised his pistol, and fired the six remaining shots. He was unlikely to need to reload, but he ejected the spent magazine anyway, replacing it with a fresh one in mere seconds.

******************************

"I don't know!" Jessica replied, doing her best to sound frantic. "Whoever's down there, okay? Somebody's got to have been shot with all that gunfire. Maybe you should be calling the cops, or something."

"May I enter the building, please?", says the paramedic.

[Saurisisia]

Saurisian National News

SAURUS CITY - Earlier this afternoon, it was announced by the Saurisian Congress that the bill which called for the banning of Diana Melo's book Revelation has passed and was put into law by the Triad. Thus, the controversial journalist's new book is now on the list of books banned for containing Pro-Nazi, Communist, and Human Supremacist propaganda.

Already, members and supporters of the Nationalist Union and the Fascist Party are storming bookstores and libraries searching for copies of the journalist's book. Once they have been found, the books will be burned in Dinosaur Square tonight as part of a rally to be held by the two parties, whom occupy the far-right political spectrum and basically little political power like all other non-governmental parties. The Dinosaurs First Party is regarding to these planned book burnings with indifference due to the fact that the two parties aren't supported by a huge majority of Saurisians like their own party.

[TurtleShroom]

Psst! This here is the localized version of Revelation that is distributed in TurtleShroom.

Make note that this is not the propaganda piece, but simply the Holiness Board approved version. The surmise, theme, plot, setting, and core details are untouched, but curses, sexual themes, and what-not are removed.

[Whairtia]

: Hellow welcome to the news, as seen in Saursia a great offense was made to the Premier who not only felt sorrow for Melo, but also hates book burning and lies, he has announced a temporary suspenion of Whairtian diplomacy, exculding the embassy to be in affect calling the Saursian government savages and the entire country loones, he also said that he should have let Lyran win just to see thier arogant country fall. Obviously the premier does not like such ideas, the Union Senate has condemns the book burnings as a act of destroying peace and freedoms, Whairtian civilians announce that they saw it comming. Whether this deteriates into no diplomacy is late to be seen but the premier has been angerier than usual. :

[Unicario]

The Unicarion National Book Board (where all texts are reviewed and approved) has decided to approve the unedited version of Melo's book, and distribute it openly in Unicario. Within 48 hours, Melo's words will be in libraries, bookstores, schools across Unicario.

[TurtleShroom]

For the Lulz, here's Revelations of a Communist Spy!'s cover.

[Luziyca]

And this is the official cover of the "Revelation by a Communist Spy," to encourage confusion by the average shopper on what Revelation to buy.

[Rotovia-]

(Image)
Constitutional Republic of Rotovia
Ministry for Tertiary Education

To: Diana Melo
From: Department of Education, Rotovia
CC: media-elist@education.gov.ro
Subject: "Revelations"
Security: None applied

Dear Ms. Melo,

It is with great pleasure that I announce your book "Revelations" has been the Athenian Times Top Bestseller now for three weeks, quite an achievement amoung the highly critical Rotovian literary public. I am also pleased to announce two awarding of two honours from the Rotovian people.

Firstly, you have been granted an Honourary Doctorate of Philosophy for Journalism by the University of Athens, and may receive the official proclamation at any university in your home nation, of your choosing.

Secondly, on advice of the Privy Council, Her Imperial Eminency would like to invite you to assume the title of Dame-Commander of the Imperial Order of the Broken Reed. This honour is reserved for those who have acted to preserve liberty and justice, which showing great personal sacrifice, honour and courage.

With the best of wishes,

[signed]
Hon. Dr. Henry Wintering-Felle (MP)
Associate Minister for Tertiary Education

Constitutional Republic of Rotovia
Ministry for Tertiary Education

To: Diana Melo
From: Department of Education, Rotovia
CC: media-elist@education.gov.ro
Subject: "Revelations"
Security: None applied

Dear Ms. Melo,

With your book now in its fifth week in the Top Ten of the Athenian Times Bestseller List, I remind you that the offers of the Honourary Doctorate and Knighthood remain in place.

With the best of wishes,

[signed]
Hon. Dr. Henry Wintering-Felle (MP)
Associate Minister for Tertiary Education