An Inquiry into the Pony Question [OPEN]

[Crystal Spires]

LUNA: Certainly. It is the right of every sapient being to judge what values to hold for themselves, to find truth or not as they please, and to align themselves however they wish. The statement of Mr Deortryl is a fine one, and expresses a sentiment we should all aspire to live up to.

DEORTRYL, L: You honor me with your kind words. It is our hope that Crystal Spires and our High Council live up to our values of promoting the highest good and welfare for all. With this we accept ideologies that promote such.

Lancaeriel is an elf, and while androgynous she's a lady.

[Holy Marsh]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-3

VILJOEN, M: Welcome, welcome! I do hope you had a good trip. As you probably know already, I am the renowned adventurer and people's representative Maurits Viljoen. :: PAUSES TO SMILE AT CAMERA 3 :: Would you care to share with this committee who you are, and what it is you do?

Cardinal Jacob: I am a Cardinal in the Church of the Holy Marsh, and speaker of the Word of the Holy Marsh.

VILJOEN, M: Now for the oath. Please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

Cardinal Jacob: I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise, and such is the covenant with the Holy Marsh.

DE LA COURT, F: For the record, please tell us the true nature and origins of the so-called "magical ponies", in your opinion. Where do they come from? Are they creatures of God? Do they have souls?

Cardinal Jacob: Yes to both. All sapient beings are the creatures of the Holy Marsh and have Souls, along with the right to lives well-led.

BASTAARD, JJ: Esteemed committee. Members of the public. We have gathered here today to unravel the dark depths behind a vast, inhuman conspiracy against the people of Knootoss. There are truths to be exposed and I, Jeremy Bastaard, intend to be the one to share them with you. My first question for this witness. :: POINTS AT THE WITNESS :: ... is as follows. What is the pony plan for world domination, and how do their secret mind control techniques work?!

Cardinal Jacob: There is none. You are quite mad.

[Snefaldia]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-3

VILJOEN, M: Welcome, welcome! I do hope you had a good trip. As you probably know already, I am the renowned adventurer and people's representative Maurits Viljoen. :: PAUSES TO SMILE AT CAMERA 3 :: Would you care to share with this committee who you are, and what it is you do?

SLENGYN, P: My name is Piers Supilumash Slengyn, and I am the current head of the Conclave of Aatem Nal in Knootoss, the body representing the faith of Aatem Nal in the Dutch Democratic Republic, and the elected spokesman for the Conclave. I hold dual citizenship in the Dutch Democratic Republic and the States-Federation of Snefaldia, and am empowered to speak on behalf of our leaders at the Grand Library in Sersarda, Snefaldia, as to the faith's positions on Ponyism. I am also a trained psychologist in the Aatem Nal tradition of the Grand Library University.

VILJOEN, M: Now for the oath. Please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

SLENGYN, P: ""I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

DE LA COURT, F: For the record, please tell us the true nature and origins of the so-called "magical ponies", in your opinion. Where do they come from? Are they creatures of God? Do they have souls?

SLENGYN, P: Neither I nor any investigatory organ of our faith has adequate evidence to explain the origin or "true nature" of magical ponies, and thus it would be improper for me to express my opinion. Similarly, Aatem Nal theology does not presume evidence of divine creation outside of relevant cultural expressions, insofar as so-called magical ponies are considered by some to be "creatures of God" they may be so considered in certain contexts, yes. As to your final question, sir, Aatem Nal theology does not have a defined position on the existence or nonexistence of souls.

BASTAARD, JJ: What is the pony plan for world domination, and how do their secret mind control techniques work?!

SLENGYN, P: I don't really know- I stopped getting their newsletters! ::LAUGHS KNOWINGLY, GLANCING AT CAMERA 3:: But specifically, I have no direct knowledge of any plans for global domination. As far as mind control- it is of course possible to effect behavioral patterns in others through the use of certain plants and pharmaceuticals, although it is unlikely that this is the case where such control is alleged as the method to deliver such physical compounds is incredibly difficult. Aatem Nal tradition teaches that it is possible to use the weaknesses of the human mind to effect the behavior of others, however. You've heard of "charisma" or "magnetism" or someone having an "irresistibility" or something similar? Many religious leaders have used methods of rhetoric coupled with subtle psychological pressures to encourage and empower their supporters- this is just one possibility, something that has been analyzed frequently by our scholars."

[Knootoss]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-3

VILJOEN, M: That's it for now. I'd like to thank all the witnesses for their testimony and their time. You held up quite well under the strain of having to answer the sharp and brilliant questions that were asked by my committee. This Committee of Inquiry shall take all of your statements and arrive at some provisional conclusions tonight. These conclusions will then be 'tested', if you will, on the foreign witnesses. Knowing this committee, I imagine we'll hear a little more about this 'magic', as well as the hypotheses of Dr. McKinnon. Personally, I'd like to dive a little deeper into the economic opportunities of this whole pony thing. :: SMILES KNOWINGLY AT CAMERA 3 ::

:: THE CHAIR CONFERS WITH AN AIDE ::

VILJOEN, M: Lodgings for all witnesses have been provided in the "Republique-Antlantique" five star hotel, not too far from the Outer Court here in The Hague. We've also arranged for transportation, dinner, and up to thirty minutes of time with the press in the "Nieuwspoort" press centre for every witness. The first hearings will resume tomorrow morning, 9 AM sharp. This hearing is into recess until tomorrow.

((I've adjusted the Opening Post to reflect that the hearing is now in recess. I'm going to give everyone a day or so to do "press posts" / "news posts", and I'll be doing one of these myself as well. After that, the hearing will resume and a new set of questions will appear for everyone who is currently a witness. ))

[Knootoss]

That night, the various Knootian newspapers print the following headlines related to the inquiry:

• De Telegraaf: MORNING STAR: "PONIES WILL CONQUER THE EARTH!"
• De Telegraaf: BASTAARD TAKES ON PONY CONSPIRACY - EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
• Volkskrant: Are Ponies Real? Foreign Professor Claims: "Dangerous virus!"
• Volkskrant: Viljoen: "Contradicting Statements about Pony Mind Control"
• NRC Handelsblad: Businesspersons: "Committee should not ignore potential of equine markets"
• Trouw: "PRINCESS" LUNA - AUTOTHEIC ANTROPHOMORPH OR DANGEROUS MASS MANIPULATOR?
• Trouw: CHAOTIC FIRST DAY FOR "PONY COMMITTEE"

[Lubyak]

LUBYAKAN NEWS NETWORK REPORT


In the Parliamentary inquirty currently ongoing within Knootoss, Justicar Jacobus Romanov--the brother of Chief Justicar Tatyana Romanov, has been sent to represent Dominion interests for the Coalition. This is what he has to say in our telephone interview with him.

Despite the fact that the Knootossian interviewers and media seem to have a decidedly anti-Coaltion and anti-ponyist bent to them. THey appear to be obsessed with fear that ponies might be able to 'control the minds' of humans. I am doing my best to prove this wrong, and we have contacted member of the Equine Genome Project to corroborate our claims.

Other news releases froom Knootoss tell a similar story to what Justicar Romanov has said. Some are even making the claim that ponies don't even exist. A laughable claim at best, given that the current Equine Genome Project has announced massive advances in the study of ponies.

As it stands, the government has indicated it will go on with these inquiries in the hope of improving the face of the Coalition around the world.

This is LNN, signing off.

[The Ctan]

Pauly Moory had what was possibly the best 'cold calling' job in the world.

The Necrontyr had infamously bad human intelligence. They made terrible spies thanks to their infamous pride and arrogance. Between that and their societal habit of flying off the handle at the idea of a single person of their race being harmed, they didn't have many actual spies in other nations.

What they did have, was a man, behind a desk, with a big pile of anonymous cash, and authority to offer it to people that did what they wanted, gave them useful information, and so forth.

Pauly was that man, or rather, one of them.

“Hello, Mr Bastaard?” he said, leaning back in a chair that was elaborately sculpted to conform to the back. Flat screens built into the office wall showed a whole host of information, a concise biography, pictures of Jeremy Bastaard, voice-stress analysis, lists of business interests and innumerate other facts. “I know you don't know me. My name is Lee Jie, I am calling regarding the sale of certain securities my employers believe you have.” he paused, observing pleasantries with a bland manner that gave little doubt that he didn't mean them, but sounded businesslike and efficient. “It is of considerable importance, Mr Bastaard,” he shifted mode a little, adjusting the chinese accent down a touch, moving his Dutch to sound more casual, “and we would be willing to pay a premium, to offer a substantial raise on their current price. One concern please Mr Bastaard,” he paused, “it is important to my employers to keep favourable relations with the Pony market, sir. We cannot be seen to do business if you appear unfavourable to pony-kind.”

There was little required beyond this point to establish what precisely the caller wanted; and pressed on the details, the offer was rather generous. Jeremy Bastaard could generate, in several sales, a profit of over half a million dollars.

Sipping green tea to maintain the character, Pauly talked him through any questions, aiming to keep the bribe as real sounding as possible, and he was an excellent mimic of several characters, deeply immersed in several cultures; his call, bounced through several proxies, was all but untraceable, and pointed to several global trading establishments which were operated legitimately as fronts. Certain payments could be made immediately, summing up to around half of the total, but 'reticence about further engagement on the part of my employers, Sir, until the pony inquiry is concluded' was given as reason that the rest would come after.

No one could be foolish enough to miss the point.

But no one could prove anything if Jeremy were found out.

[Knootoss]

The next day.

Jeremy Bastaard was in a particularly good mood the next day, when hearings resumed. Some of the witnesses had been reshuffled, and there were now three separate hearings on 'matters of interest' that had to be explored more closely. The day would open with a hearing on the religious implications of the pony question, giving the stand to Princess Luna and to the two other witnesses from other religious organisation. Next, all the representatives from the pony nations were expected to take the stand, to talk about the subject of "economic opportunities and challenges raised by the pony issue". Finally, a hearing on the science of magic ponies was planned.

((Contains tags for Princess Luna, Holy Marsh and Snefaldia))

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TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-4
HEARING ON THE RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Good morning. Now that everyone has a cup of coffee or tea, I re-open the hearings on the Pony Question. This committee recognises Her Highness Princess Luna, Princess Regnant of the Principality of the same name. Seated next to her is His Eminence, Cardinal Jacob, the speaker of the Word of the Holy Marsh. To her right, Mr. Piers Supilumash Slengyn, the head of the Conclave of Aatem Nal in Knootoss. Thank you for being here today. 

LUNA:

JACOB:

SLENGYN, P:

VILJOEN, M: My colleague, the honourable Mr. De La Court, requested some additional time to consider the pony religious system. While the committee has decided to indulge this desire, I do ask that questioning remains within the scope of information necessary to understand the pony religious-political system. Let us not sully these these hallowed halls of democracy with contentious religious debate.

DE LA COURT, F: Understood, Mr. Chairman. My main concerns the claims that one of the witnesses here today, Princess Luna, is a God. One of two Gods, even. Tribal religions have been known to venerate heavenly bodies, but here we have someone who is clearly a person, and an influential leader in the Coalition of Ponyist States, who claims to be a God. This concerns me. My first question for Princess Luna who, I'll remind everyone, is under oath would be this: Are you a God?

LUNA:

DE LA COURT, F:  ... Could you, for the sake of clarity, not elaborate? Yesterday, witnesses at this parliamentary hearing have called you divine and have made claims about your abilities. How do you respond to those statements?

LUNA:

DE LA COURT, F:  Do you control the movements of heavenly bodies?

LUNA:

DE LA COURT, F:  If I might ask the other religious experts, what do you believe about this Luna-religion and the possible impact on your faiths?

JACOB:

SLENGYN, P:

BASTAARD, JJ: Mr. Chairman. Before we take this charade any further, I ask the members of this committee and the witnesses assembled here today: does it really matter what bloody nonsense our potential customers believe?! If this Princess Luna has some kind of religious scam going on, to cheat money out of the superstitious, well let her! Don't we sell our delicious Pink Bunny Cola to Catholics, who believe that a man was conceived by a virgin and went on to be raised from the death, like some crazed zombie? Don't we sell the fine products of the Bonifatius corporation to the Aatem Nal people? They believe some crazed mountain hermit has to come down a mountain every day, because their faithful are too stupid to remember what he said.

LUNA:

JACOB:

SLENGYN, P:


((Contains tags for Lubyak, Behntasha, Crystal Spires, Alogachia, Urmanian and Trucia))

Code: Select all

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-5
HEARING ON THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Welcome again. For the purpose of this hearing on the economic implications of the Pony Question, this chair recognises Justicar Jacobus Romanov of the Dominion of the Lubyak, Minami Umayama, the Minister of International Relations of the Social Democratic Union of Behntasha, Lancaeriel Deortryl, the Official Minister of Interracial Relations speaking on behalf of the High Council of Crystal Spires, Mr. Josef Coldt, on behalf of the Foreign Ministry of Alogachia, Prime Minister Morning Star of the Greater Pony Herd of [b]Urmanian[/b] and Mr. Jovane Alendo, the representative of the Chancellery of Thrucia.

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

VILJOEN, M: Mr. Bastaard, you have the full attention of this committee.

BASTAARD, JJ: Why thank you. First of all, I would ask the witnesses to tell us a little bit more about the fine nations they represent. How many consu-- .. citizens do you have? Are they wealthy nations? Do you trade with the outside world? What do you export and import?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Beautiful, beautiful. Now please tell this Committee of Inquiry - truthfully - about the many ways in which having magical ponies in your society has raised productivity, economic efficiency, and standards of life?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: I'd like for the committee to note the great potential of these heartwarming stories. My next question for the witnesses is this: suppose that Knootoss adopted a friendly, fuzzy stance towards the ponies? Sharing in the harmony and all that? How could we benefit?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Would your nations be open to a Free Trade Agreement with Knootoss in that event?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:


((Contains tags for Googlewoop, -St George and Yellowapple))

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TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-6
HEARING ON THE SCIENTIFIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN: As the final event of the day, I am happy to welcome a second testimony of Doctor Matthew McKinnon, the Secretary of Health and Surgeon General of Googlewoop, as well as the testimony of Kaleb Ansjar, Professor of Otherworldology and Alternative Sapient Creatures in St George.

McKINNON, M:

ANSJAR, K:

VILJOEN, M: We also welcome, for the first time, Dr. Norah Dolcetto of YellowApple. Dr. Dolcetto, please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

DOLCETTO, N:

VILJOEN, M: Thank you, doctor. You've been highly recommended to this committee and I'd like to give you the time to tell us about your results. Could you please tell us about the research project that you've been involved in, the methodology that your team has used, and the conclusions that you have reached?

DOLCETTO, N:

VILJOEN: In your view, how should your findings influence our inquiry into the Pony Question?

DOLCETTO, N:

VILJOEN, M: Messires McKinnon and Ansjar, how do you regard the genome project that Dr. Dolcetto represents? Are there any counterpoints that you would like to make?

McKINNON, M:

ANSJAR, K:


[Urmanian]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-5
HEARING ON THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Welcome again. For the purpose of this hearing on the economic implications of the Pony Question, this chair recognises Justicar Jacobus Romanov of the Dominion of the Lubyak, Minami Umayama, the Minister of International Relations of the Social Democratic Union of Behntasha, Lancaeriel Deortryl, the Official Minister of Interracial Relations speaking on behalf of the High Council of Crystal Spires, Mr. Josef Coldt, on behalf of the Foreign Ministry of Alogachia, Prime Minister Morning Star of the Greater Pony Herd of Urmanian and Mr. Jovane Alendo, the representative of the Chancellery of Thrucia.

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: *nods*

ALENDO, J:

VILJOEN, M: Mr. Bastaard, you have the full attention of this committee.

BASTAARD, JJ: Why thank you. First of all, I would ask the witnesses to tell us a little bit more about the fine nations they represent. How many consu-- .. citizens do you have? Are they wealthy nations? Do you trade with the outside world? What do you export and import?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: The Greater Pony Herd has an approximate population of two hundred thirty seven millions. As for wealth, it's a complicated question due to the nature of our economy, but yes, we do consider ourselves wealthy. As for trade, we trade little with the outside world, most of that being with the nations of the Ponyist Coalition. We export agricultural goods and import very little, mostly luxury goods and some human technology.

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Beautiful, beautiful. Now please tell this Committee of Inquiry - truthfully - about the many ways in which having magical ponies in your society has raised productivity, economic efficiency, and standards of life?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: We were a pony nation from the very start, so this question doesn't include us.

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: I'd like for the committee to note the great potential of these heartwarming stories. My next question for the witnesses is this: suppose that Knootoss adopted a friendly, fuzzy stance towards the ponies? Sharing in the harmony and all that? How could we benefit?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: Benefits of accepting a superior culture are obvious. *coughs* Well, actually, you could observe substantial increases in agricultural developments, receive countless benefits that unicorn magic and the pegasi's flying ability is able to bring, and not to mention the morale boost for your citizens.

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Would your nations be open to a Free Trade Agreement with Knootoss in that event?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: Most likely.

ALENDO, J:

[Crystal Spires]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-5
HEARING ON THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Welcome again. For the purpose of this hearing on the economic implications of the Pony Question, this chair recognises Justicar Jacobus Romanov of the Dominion of the Lubyak, Minami Umayama, the Minister of International Relations of the Social Democratic Union of Behntasha, Lancaeriel Deortryl, the Official Minister of Interracial Relations speaking on behalf of the High Council of Crystal Spires, Mr. Josef Coldt, on behalf of the Foreign Ministry of Alogachia, Prime Minister Morning Star of the Greater Pony Herd of Urmanian and Mr. Jovane Alendo, the representative of the Chancellery of Thrucia.

DEORTRYL, L: It is an honor to be present to assist with your inquiry, sir.

VILJOEN, M: Mr. Bastaard, you have the full attention of this committee.

BASTAARD, JJ: Why thank you. First of all, I would ask the witnesses to tell us a little bit more about the fine nations they represent. How many consu-- .. citizens do you have? Are they wealthy nations? Do you trade with the outside world? What do you export and import?

DEORTRYL, L: We of Crystal Spires are a fledgling nation from the region of Mystria, and we possess several rare resources such as Adamantium, Mithril, Nenya's ember, Runestone, and Orichalcon. The rest of the earth metals are rather plentiful, as well as ore mineral deposits. We contribute to most of the manual labor force, Service industry, tourism, mechanized, and industrial goods, and we also are the backbone of the tech and magitech trades in our region. We have a population of 310,000,000 and we are building up a healthy economic base with our allies in the region who are also willing to conduct international trade.

BASTAARD, JJ: Beautiful, beautiful. Now please tell this Committee of Inquiry - truthfully - about the many ways in which having magical ponies in your society has raised productivity, economic efficiency, and standards of life?

DEORTRYL, L: We initially had suffered from a dip in our economy from accepting refugees but it was something we were willing to do for the sake of the good and common welfare of all races. We now have a continuing economic growth which we hope will lead to true economic prosperity.

BASTAARD, JJ: I'd like for the committee to note the great potential of these heartwarming stories. My next question for the witnesses is this: suppose that Knootoss adopted a friendly, fuzzy stance towards the ponies? Sharing in the harmony and all that? How could we benefit?

DEORTRYL, L: Aside from doing what is right on behalf of the people, I'm sure that Ponyist aligned nations will trade with you, and independent nations for civil rights such as our great nation would also trade with you freely without sanction.

BASTAARD, JJ: Would your nations be open to a Free Trade Agreement with Knootoss in that event?

DEORTRYL, L: We would convene the High Council and Minister of Economic affairs Vane Morrison would be willing to front a proposal to make such a trade agreement possible.

[YellowApple]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-6
HEARING ON THE SCIENTIFIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN: As the final event of the day, I am happy to welcome a second testimony of Doctor Matthew McKinnon, the Secretary of Health and Surgeon General of Googlewoop, as well as the testimony of Kaleb Ansjar, Professor of Otherworldology and Alternative Sapient Creatures in St George.

McKINNON, M:

ANSJAR, K:

VILJOEN, M: We also welcome, for the first time, Dr. Norah Dolcetto of YellowApple. Dr. Dolcetto, please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

DOLCETTO, N: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

VILJOEN, M: Thank you, doctor. You've been highly recommended to this committee and I'd like to give you the time to tell us about your results. Could you please tell us about the research project that you've been involved in, the methodology that your team has used, and the conclusions that you have reached?

DOLCETTO, N: "Well, I am one of the primary scientific coordinators and lead researchers in the Equine Genome Project, an organization based in Manzanopolis Prime, YellowApple, created to compile data on the biology and genome of Equus sapiens, also referred to as the 'sapient equine' or 'pony'. The Equine Genome Project uses genetic samples obtained from buccal swabs and blood extraction to decompile and fully sequence equine cellular deoxyribonucleic acid contents, including both mitochondrial and nucleic contents; examines hereditary information to identify genotypes and their corresponding phenotypes; and uses said examinations in conjuction with full genome sequencing to identify the functions of each gene present in the equine genome.

"Our research has led to multiple conclusions; namely, we have established that humans and sapient equines are surprisingly similar on a genetic level, and have nearly identical genetic coding for the central nervous system. We have established that on a genetic and biological level, Homo sapiens and Equus sapiens both express the capacity for sapience. Psychological observations reinforce this conclusion, as psychologists working with the Equine Genome Project have revealed several equine individuals who have reached Stage Six in Lawrence Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development, as well as individuals who have reached Stage E9 in Jane Loevinger's Stages of Ego Development; in addition, our psychologists have noted the capacity for human psychological disorders, such as post-traumatic stress disorder and clinical depression, and have confirmed equine capacity for complex language patterns, rational thought, appreciation (and creation) of artistic works, ability to process complex information (including advanced scientific and mathematical computations), capacity for spiritual and religious faith, and even proficiency in martial arts."

VILJOEN: In your view, how should your findings influence our inquiry into the Pony Question?

DOLCETTO, N: "Our findings are a clear indication that sapient equines are indeed sapient, having the same intellectual capacity as humans, and thus deserve the same rights and freedoms."

VILJOEN, M: Messires McKinnon and Ansjar, how do you regard the genome project that Dr. Dolcetto represents? Are there any counterpoints that you would like to make?

McKINNON, M:

ANSJAR, K:

[Lubyak]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-5
HEARING ON THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Welcome again. For the purpose of this hearing on the economic implications of the Pony Question, this chair recognises Justicar Jacobus Romanov of the Dominion of the Lubyak, Minami Umayama, the Minister of International Relations of the Social Democratic Union of Behntasha, Lancaeriel Deortryl, the Official Minister of Interracial Relations speaking on behalf of the High Council of Crystal Spires, Mr. Josef Coldt, on behalf of the Foreign Ministry of Alogachia, Prime Minister Morning Star of the Greater Pony Herd of Urmanian and Mr. Jovane Alendo, the representative of the Chancellery of Thrucia.

ROMANOV, J: I hope for this discussion to go well.

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: *nods*

ALENDO, J:

VILJOEN, M: Mr. Bastaard, you have the full attention of this committee.

BASTAARD, JJ: Why thank you. First of all, I would ask the witnesses to tell us a little bit more about the fine nations they represent. How many consu-- .. citizens do you have? Are they wealthy nations? Do you trade with the outside world? What do you export and import?

ROMANOV, J: The Dominion poseses a population of 1.6 billion citizens. We do consider ourselves a wealthy nation, with a GDP per capita of over $30,000 standard. We do trade extensively, both with members of the Coalition and beyond. Our primary exports are manufactured products, including miitary hardware, and information technology. While our lands are generous enough to us to provide most resources, we do import some resources such as gold for our information technology sector, as well as certain rare earth resources.

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: The Greater Pony Herd has an approximate population of two hundred thirty seven millions. As for wealth, it's a complicated question due to the nature of our economy, but yes, we do consider ourselves wealthy. As for trade, we trade little with the outside world, most of that being with the nations of the Ponyist Coalition. We export agricultural goods and import very little, mostly luxury goods and some human technology.

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Beautiful, beautiful. Now please tell this Committee of Inquiry - truthfully - about the many ways in which having magical ponies in your society has raised productivity, economic efficiency, and standards of life?

ROMANOV, J: The greatest contributions that ponies have made to our economy have been agricultural. The pegasus ability to control weather has made traditional irrigation obsolete, and allowed for great savings in farms that use pegasi irrigation instead of traditional irrigation. Furthermore, land tilled by earth ponies--either mechanically or by hoof labor--seems to be superior in both quality and quantity of output due to some as of yet unknown mechanism.

Overall, we have seen a 10% increase in agricultural production since the arrival of the first pony farm, and the pony farmers themselves have been benefitting greatly as well.

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: We were a pony nation from the very start, so this question doesn't include us.

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: I'd like for the committee to note the great potential of these heartwarming stories. My next question for the witnesses is this: suppose that Knootoss adopted a friendly, fuzzy stance towards the ponies? Sharing in the harmony and all that? How could we benefit?

ROMANOV, J: Well, along with the undoubtedly increased trade you will have with the Coalition of Ponyist States, you will experience the same increase in agriucltural production we experienced, or perhaps you might find benefit in some other aspect of the pony species that we in the Dominion have not noticed as of now.

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: Benefits of accepting a superior culture are obvious. *coughs* Well, actually, you could observe substantial increases in agricultural developments, receive countless benefits that unicorn magic and the pegasi's flying ability is able to bring, and not to mention the morale boost for your citizens.

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Would your nations be open to a Free Trade Agreement with Knootoss in that event?

ROMANOV, J: Of course.

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR: Most likely.

ALENDO, J:

[Princess Luna]

VILJOEN, M: Good morning. Now that everyone has a cup of coffee or tea, I re-open the hearings on the Pony Question. This committee recognises Her Highness Princess Luna, Princess Regnant of the Principality of the same name. Seated next to her is His Eminence, Cardinal Jacob, the speaker of the Word of the Holy Marsh. To her right, Mr. Piers Supilumash Slengyn, the head of the Conclave of Aatem Nal in Knootoss. Thank you for being here today. 

::LUNA NODS IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT::

JACOB:

SLENGYN, P:

DE LA COURT, F: Understood, Mr. Chairman. My main concerns the claims that one of the witnesses here today, Princess Luna, is a God. One of two Gods, even. Tribal religions have been known to venerate heavenly bodies, but here we have someone who is clearly a person, and an influential leader in the Coalition of Ponyist States, who claims to be a God. This concerns me. My first question for Princess Luna who, I'll remind everyone, is under oath would be this: Are you a God?

LUNA: As that is a matter upon which some, not all ponies, hold strong views, and which some other ponies disagree with, it is traditionally our policy to be silent upon that matter. Given that there are some potential issues of conflict, we must advise you that a definite answer to that question, although we obviously have one, cannot be given without causing issues among certain of our allies and thus causing a negative effect on our national security. We must decline to answer.

DE LA COURT, F:  ... Could you, for the sake of clarity, not elaborate? Yesterday, witnesses at this parliamentary hearing have called you divine and have made claims about your abilities. How do you respond to those statements?

LUNA: They represent the orthodox beliefs in the Greater Pony Herd. Other pony societies, and some within the Greater Pony Herd, do not believe this. Others, elsewhere, hold a mix of views. It is for the individual to decide what to worship, or not, and we do not wish to make statements, even if we were freed from all security concerns, that would place individuals under duress on that matter. Ponies have free will, and their ability to come to their own conclusions based upon evidence and reason is far more valid for them than any statement we could give.

DE LA COURT, F:  Do you control the movements of heavenly bodies?

LUNA: We can. We note that this is a control we actively exert on our home plane, not one we have exerted here.

BASTAARD, JJ: Mr. Chairman. Before we take this charade any further, I ask the members of this committee and the witnesses assembled here today: does it really matter what bloody nonsense our potential customers believe?! If this Princess Luna has some kind of religious scam going on, to cheat money out of the superstitious, well let her! Don't we sell our delicious Pink Bunny Cola to Catholics, who believe that a man was conceived by a virgin and went on to be raised from the death, like some crazed zombie? Don't we sell the fine products of the Bonifatius corporation to the Aatem Nal people? They believe some crazed mountain hermit has to come down a mountain every day, because their faithful are too stupid to remember what he said.

LUNA: In point of fact, the only offerings made to us by our worshipers are purely symbolic gatherings of sweets once annually, which for the most part we do not collect in person. We make no profit from those who believe in our divinity.

[Holy Marsh]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-4
HEARING ON THE RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Good morning. Now that everyone has a cup of coffee or tea, I re-open the hearings on the Pony Question. This committee recognises Her Highness Princess Luna, Princess Regnant of the Principality of the same name. Seated next to her is His Eminence, Cardinal Jacob, the speaker of the Word of the Holy Marsh. To her right, Mr. Piers Supilumash Slengyn, the head of the Conclave of Aatem Nal in Knootoss. Thank you for being here today.

JACOB: It is my pleasure to answer the questions posed.

DE LA COURT, F: If I might ask the other religious experts, what do you believe about this Luna-religion and the possible impact on your faiths?

JACOB: I am a member of the monotheistic Shrine, meaning I believe the Holy Marsh to be the one true God. I believe Luna is a gifted Alicorn, put here to do her people right in this world by the Holy Marsh. However, there are many Shrines, including Polytheist Shrines that acknowledge Luna as a Goddess, though a much lesser one than the Holy Marsh. There has been no great change in the Faith, since it has for five thousand years adapted and changed to reflect the reality of our beliefs. The appearance of a Goddess or God in the Polytheist Shrine is of no great shock.

BASTAARD, JJ: Mr. Chairman. Before we take this charade any further, I ask the members of this committee and the witnesses assembled here today: does it really matter what bloody nonsense our potential customers believe?! If this Princess Luna has some kind of religious scam going on, to cheat money out of the superstitious, well let her! Don't we sell our delicious Pink Bunny Cola to Catholics, who believe that a man was conceived by a virgin and went on to be raised from the death, like some crazed zombie? Don't we sell the fine products of the Bonifatius corporation to the Aatem Nal people? They believe some crazed mountain hermit has to come down a mountain every day, because their faithful are too stupid to remember what he said.

JACOB: It matters only because you must be sure of the morality of those who will be your so-called customers. In Holy Marsh, for example, religious law would dictate the extermination of a family that sold to the Lardite Cult a piece of fruit. You must assure yourselves that your products do not make life easy for the evil and immoral.


OOC- Give me moar, enjoying this.

[Snefaldia]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-4
HEARING ON THE RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Good morning. Now that everyone has a cup of coffee or tea, I re-open the hearings on the Pony Question. This committee recognises Her Highness Princess Luna, Princess Regnant of the Principality of the same name. Seated next to her is His Eminence, Cardinal Jacob, the speaker of the Word of the Holy Marsh. To her right, Mr. Piers Supilumash Slengyn, the head of the Conclave of Aatem Nal in Knootoss. Thank you for being here today.

SLENGYN, P: Thank you for the opportunity to be heard, Mr. Chairman.

DE LA COURT, F: If I might ask the other religious experts, what do you believe about this Luna-religion and the possible impact on your faiths?

SLENGYN, P: It seems that the ponyist belief is a garden-variety type that we see frequently in the historical record, one in which powerful beings appear and bestow blessings or technological/philosophical advances on their believers in exchange for said belief. The ancient Mesopotamians had such a system, where the gods physically resided in temples, or were known to have walked the earth at some point, being greatly advanced beings themselves. Aatem Nal has documented this experience in the region of Allasha in Snefaldia. Our faith, however, has a strong history of syncretism and acceptance- part of our creed is the incorporation of existing religious traditions wherever possible in order to facilitate the spread of Truth and the religiophilosophical creed of our order. I cannot speak in hypotheticals, of course, but I see no reason why believers in ponyism could not join Aatem Nal. The ponies themselves are another question... that, ah, that is a rather tricky theological point.

BASTAARD, JJ: Mr. Chairman. Before we take this charade any further, I ask the members of this committee and the witnesses assembled here today: does it really matter what bloody nonsense our potential customers believe?! If this Princess Luna has some kind of religious scam going on, to cheat money out of the superstitious, well let her! Don't we sell our delicious Pink Bunny Cola to Catholics, who believe that a man was conceived by a virgin and went on to be raised from the death, like some crazed zombie? Don't we sell the fine products of the Bonifatius corporation to the Aatem Nal people? They believe some crazed mountain hermit has to come down a mountain every day, because their faithful are too stupid to remember what he said.

SLENGYN, P: Sir, please! If you are going to use the ignorant peasant legends surrounding our faith's founder as a means to attack us, at least make sure you get the legend correct! He sleeps in the mountain, he doesn't walk down it, and let the record show I think it's a ridiculous belief whichever way you want to tell it! Anyone fool would prefer to stay in one of the excellent five-star hotels owned and operated by the Sanna Hospitality Ltd., a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Kømyë Corporation. And for the record, the Order of Aatem Nal has a very strong capitalist and anticommunist tradition, and our adherents are hard-working and industrious members of Knootian society! They pay taxes, just like you! ::HE COUGHS, GLANCING AT CAMERA 3 WITH AN IMPISH GRIN::

[Behntasha]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-5
HEARING ON THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Welcome again. For the purpose of this hearing on the economic implications of the Pony Question, this chair recognises Justicar Jacobus Romanov of the Dominion of the Lubyak, Minami Umayama, the Minister of International Relations of the Social Democratic Union of Behntasha, Lancaeriel Deortryl, the Official Minister of Interracial Relations speaking on behalf of the High Council of Crystal Spires, Mr. Josef Coldt, on behalf of the Foreign Ministry of Alogachia, Prime Minister Morning Star of the Greater Pony Herd of Urmanian and Mr. Jovane Alendo, the representative of the Chancellery of Thrucia.

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M: It's a pleasure to meet with you once again.

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

VILJOEN, M: Mr. Bastaard, you have the full attention of this committee.

BASTAARD, JJ: Why thank you. First of all, I would ask the witnesses to tell us a little bit more about the fine nations they represent. How many consu-- .. citizens do you have? Are they wealthy nations? Do you trade with the outside world? What do you export and import?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M: Behntasha is a fairly small nation of about 55 million, though rapidly growing due to continuing pony immigrants and refugees. I would not classify our nation as rich in the traditional sense of material wealth. However, we are not poor either. Chronic hunger is almost unknown within our boarders, and everyone has a residence and education, if not purchased on their own, then provided to them by our government. We have not traded in previous years due to isolationist tendencies within our own government and a general lack of investment or interest from foreign companies, but we are working on opening up our nation to the outside world due to shortages of these material goods -- electronics, fuel, even some medical supplies. We're a natural resource-rich nation, ready to export our agricultural goods, lumber products, and minerals - including copper, titanium and aluminum. We do have a small manufacturing industry, primarily for small machinery, that's projected to be a major competitor once our economy recovers from these shortages. As for importing, again, we are currently seeking these fuel and manufactured goods -- primarily heavy machinery, automobiles, and information technology.

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Beautiful, beautiful. Now please tell this Committee of Inquiry - truthfully - about the many ways in which having magical ponies in your society has raised productivity, economic efficiency, and standards of life?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M: As had been mentioned by Romanov, earth and pegasi ponies are primarily the reason why our land is so fertile and productive. Using our current method extends the growing season, due to such precise control of the climate, and makes crop yields extremely predictable compared to traditional methods. Many pegasi are also currently engaged in our forestry industry, with similar results. I will add that, while not an industry in of itself, pegasi have been extremely helpful in mitigating potential disasters -- storms are very mild in our nation, and flooding and drought are almost completely foreign ideas to us.

In addition, the role of unicorns should not be underplayed, though they are a fairly small part of our pony population. Depending on the magic they're proficient in, a unicorn can scout for ore deposits, reduce the complexity of manufacturing process, or just simply provide top-tier entertainment. Right now we're offering incentives for unicorns to immigrate to Behntasha because of their potential in industry and construction.

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: I'd like for the committee to note the great potential of these heartwarming stories. My next question for the witnesses is this: suppose that Knootoss adopted a friendly, fuzzy stance towards the ponies? Sharing in the harmony and all that? How could we benefit?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M: Well, ponyist nations such as the CoPS members nations would certainty be more willing to trade with you, and possibly lift any sanctions or embargoes they currently have with you. We hope that you'd adopt a policy of equal rights or tolerance from moral judgement alone, but at the end of day I do realize the most important thing is money in the coffer.

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

BASTAARD, JJ: Would your nations be open to a Free Trade Agreement with Knootoss in that event?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M: Certainly.

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J:

[Knootoss]

When the Hippostanian government indicated that it wanted to participated in the hearings, most were delighted. Jeremy Bastaard, less so. Though he tried to stop the testimony of the Hippostanian Head of Government, he ended up sulkily watching it happen anyway...

((Tags for Hippostania!))

Code: Select all

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-7
HEARING ON THE HIPPOSTANIAN COUP AND SUBSEQUENT DICTATORSHIP

VILJOEN, M: This committee recognises Lyra, the Parliamentary Chancellor of Hippostania. Your Excellency, please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

LYRA:

VILJOEN, M: Chancellor, would you kindly give us your account, under oath, of the invasion of Hippostania, the overthrow of the Hippostanian government, and the subsequent turning of the native human population into a minority in their own lands.

LYRA:

DE LA COURT, F: Suppose that a similar number of humans had invaded an exclusively pony nation in exactly this fashion? How would the Coalition of Ponyist States respond? How would you respond?

LYRA:

VILJOEN, M: When your government entered into negotiations with the outside world, it promised a referendum. Unfortunately, a new government was elected by the pony majority before this could happen. Why did your government break it's promise?

LYRA:

DE LA COURT, F: Do you recognise that your way of going about this has sown distrust in the hearts of many humans?

LYRA:

DE LA COURT, F: Why have your people refused to find a pony homeland?

LYRA:


[Knootoss]

((Wrapping up the religious hearing. It contains a tags for Princess Luna, Holy Marsh and Snefaldia. Not much, but the relevant issues have been settled!))

Code: Select all

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-4
HEARING ON THE RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

DE LA COURT, F: Forgive me, Princess Luna. Just how do you suppose that you can control the heavenly bodies in /this/ realm?

VILJOEN, M: Do you create some kind of gravitational field around objects? Do you change the universal constants? Do you physically grow to be able to move these bodies? Seeing as how messing around with the gravitational paths of any single body in this solar system could wreak havoc, it is an important question.

LUNA:

VILJOEN, M: :: LOOKING FROM SIDE TO SIDE :: Al right. That concludes the hearing on the religious implications of the pony question. The witnesses are excused, and warmly invited to go and have some delicious Pink Bunny Cola in the parliamentary canteen.  :: SMILE FOR CAMERA TWO ::

LUNA:

JACOB:

SLENGYN, P:

[Princess Luna]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-4
HEARING ON THE RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

DE LA COURT, F: Forgive me, Princess Luna. Just how do you suppose that you can control the heavenly bodies in /this/ realm?

VILJOEN, M: Do you create some kind of gravitational field around objects? Do you change the universal constants? Do you physically grow to be able to move these bodies? Seeing as how messing around with the gravitational paths of any single body in this solar system could wreak havoc, it is an important question.

LUNA: We do not do such things without a full understanding of the consequences, and have no intention to do so any time soon. It is done with telekinetic force exerted upon both the moon and the planet it orbits, and several other techniques related to other stellar objects. ::PRINCESS LUNA'S HORN GLOWS, LIFTING A GLASS OF WATER FROM A RAISED TABLE BESIDE HER THRONE ON THE SCREEN, UPENDING IT. A VISIBLE STARLIGHT AURA CAN BE SEEN AROUND BOTH THE GLASS AND THE WATER AS IT BREAKS UP INTO DROPLETS, HOVERING IN MID-AIR:: It is called magic by most, all ponies possess abilities beyond those of physics as understood in most human realms. Unicorns and my sister and I ::AS SHE SPEAKS A SPARK BREAKS OFF FROM THE FLAMING TORCHES BEHIND HER, A TINY FIRE WHICH SHE WEAVES BETWEEN VARIOUS DROPLETS OF WATER, EVAPORATING THEM, CLEARLY SHOWING OFF, FORMING A FILM OF CONDENSATION INSIDE THE GLASS:: have an ability to move all kinds of objects. A more thorough explanation of the mechanisms by which these talents apply force upon object can be attained by reading An Effay upon Unicorn Magicks by Starswirl the Bearded, which we can forward a copy of for ye if required. We will probably need to translate it first though. ::SHE MOVES THE GLASS BELOW THE FLOATING WATER, EXTINGUISHES THE FIRE, CATCHES THE WATER IN IT AND SIPS FROM IT::

[Thrucia]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-5
HEARING ON THE ECONOMIC IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: Welcome again. For the purpose of this hearing on the economic implications of the Pony Question, this chair recognises Justicar Jacobus Romanov of the Dominion of the Lubyak, Minami Umayama, the Minister of International Relations of the Social Democratic Union of Behntasha, Lancaeriel Deortryl, the Official Minister of Interracial Relations speaking on behalf of the High Council of Crystal Spires, Mr. Josef Coldt, on behalf of the Foreign Ministry of Alogachia, Prime Minister Morning Star of the Greater Pony Herd of Urmanian and Mr. Jovane Alendo, the representative of the Chancellery of Thrucia.

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J: *nods*

VILJOEN, M: Mr. Bastaard, you have the full attention of this committee.

BASTAARD, JJ: Why thank you. First of all, I would ask the witnesses to tell us a little bit more about the fine nations they represent. How many consu-- .. citizens do you have? Are they wealthy nations? Do you trade with the outside world? What do you export and import?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J: Thrucia has a population of 20 million. We're well off but we're not as well off as Western Europe or the USA. We import tourists, electrical goods and toys and export oil and food. Our industry is growing.

BASTAARD, JJ: Beautiful, beautiful. Now please tell this Committee of Inquiry - truthfully - about the many ways in which having magical ponies in your society has raised productivity, economic efficiency, and standards of life?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J: Modestly. The pony influence gives us trade links to the ponysphere and they are generally hard working. Agriculture has in particular been boosted. I should add though that since very few Pegasus ponies are needed to work as "Irrigation Workers", they do face high unemployment and this has led to some protests in the form of, er, amusing practical jokes.

BASTAARD, JJ: I'd like for the committee to note the great potential of these heartwarming stories. My next question for the witnesses is this: suppose that Knootoss adopted a friendly, fuzzy stance towards the ponies? Sharing in the harmony and all that? How could we benefit?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J: You'd certainly benefit from trade links and alliances and ponies can provide useful advice and skills as said above.

BASTAARD, JJ: Would your nations be open to a Free Trade Agreement with Knootoss in that event?

ROMANOV, J:

UMAYAMA, M:

DEORTRYL, L:

COLDT, J:

MORNING STAR:

ALENDO, J: We are open to Free Trade links regardless of it.

[Holy Marsh]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-4
HEARING ON THE RELIGIOUS IMPLICATIONS OF THE PONY QUESTION

VILJOEN, M: :: LOOKING FROM SIDE TO SIDE :: Al right. That concludes the hearing on the religious implications of the pony question. The witnesses are excused, and warmly invited to go and have some delicious Pink Bunny Cola in the parliamentary canteen. :: SMILE FOR CAMERA TWO ::

JACOB: ::NODS:: Good day, Marsh blessings. ::GETS UP AND LEAVES::

[Hippostania]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-7
HEARING ON THE HIPPOSTANIAN COUP AND SUBSEQUENT DICTATORSHIP

VILJOEN, M: This committee recognises Lyra, the Parliamentary Chancellor of Hippostania. Your Excellency, please raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I will speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. This I promise."

LYRA: I will speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. This I promise.

VILJOEN, M: Chancellor, would you kindly give us your account, under oath, of the invasion of Hippostania, the overthrow of the Hippostanian government, and the subsequent turning of the native human population into a minority in their own lands.

LYRA: Well, at around 4am in the morning of July 30th, almost 200 pink portals opened all around Hippostania. From these portals, emerged millions of ponies who didn't seem to have any kind of memory on what had just happened or where they came from. One of these ponies was me. When some Hippostanian citizens, police officers and army men started shooting at some of the ponies that had just emerged from the portals, the individual ponies decided to take the matters into their own hands. In less than 24 hours, ponies controlled all major army, navy and air force bases and all notable government institutions.
I personally believe that this was necessary, to spread friendship and harmony to the Hippostanian people who seemed to lack it so much. And so far, our efforts have not been in vain. The humans have greatly appreciated our efforts.

DE LA COURT, F: Suppose that a similar number of humans had invaded an exclusively pony nation in exactly this fashion? How would the Coalition of Ponyist States respond? How would you respond?

LYRA: If millions of humans emerged from bright pink portals? *chuckle* Well, as a member state of the Coalition of Ponyist States, I believe that we would help the nation with either economic or military aid. It's a well known fact that humans aren't exactly the most harmonious creatures in existance.

VILJOEN, M: When your government entered into negotiations with the outside world, it promised a referendum. Unfortunately, a new government was elected by the pony majority before this could happen. Why did your government break it's promise?

LYRA: Well, after the Pony Revolution there were several things we had to arrange, like the reorganization of the Armed Forces and most executive departments.. The referendum was mostly forgotten, since we believed that the free parliamentary elections would be enough.

DE LA COURT, F: Do you recognise that your way of going about this has sown distrust in the hearts of many humans?

LYRA: I don't understand the question. I have not sown distrust in anypony's heart. We ponies sow harmony and friendship, not discord and hate. Usually it's the human nations that do that.

DE LA COURT, F: Why have your people refused to find a pony homeland?

LYRA: Because they already have one; Hippostania. Besides, we can't just deport millions of Hippostanian citizens. Our economy would be destroyed and the nation would collapse into anarchy.

[Knootoss]

The hearings on science and economy had, from the point of view of Jeremy Bastaard making an obscene amount of money, been a great success. The committee would have no choice but to conclude that "magical ponies" were indeed sentient and, more importantly, that they were potential consumers. All that remained now was the Hippostania hearing. Bastaard cringed as that final event turned into a political trainwreck. The only thing to do, then, was to try and save the situation:

((Tag Hippostania))

Code: Select all

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-7
HEARING ON THE HIPPOSTANIAN COUP AND SUBSEQUENT DICTATORSHIP

DE LA COURT, F:  As a general rule, do you believe that military force is justified to spread 'friendship and harmony', as it did in your nation?

LYRA:

DE LA COURT, F:   So.. you've conveniently 'forgotten' the referendum that was promised to the concerned foreign nations. And the intruder immigrants were given citizenship by fiat. And your government is not in the least embarrassed by this?

LYRA: 

DE LA COURT, F:   I'd like to talk about another embarrasment. The arrest of Diana Melo. Could you please describe the events that have unfolded there so far?

LYRA: 

DE LA COURT, F:   Do you blame 'humans'  for this as well?

LYRA: 

BASTAARD, JJ: Mr. Speaker, the Hippostanian testimony is so divergent from all the others that we cannot take it as evidence for the position of all pony nations. Only one question remains, then. Do all the pony nations support the Hippostanian take-over? Or might they have done things differently?

LYRA: 

VILJOEN, M: Alright then... I.. say we leave it at that, for now.


[Hippostania]

TRANSCRIPT OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY INTO THE PONY QUESTION, STATEN-GENERAAL 088/D-7
HEARING ON THE HIPPOSTANIAN COUP AND SUBSEQUENT DICTATORSHIP

DE LA COURT, F: As a general rule, do you believe that military force is justified to spread 'friendship and harmony', as it did in your nation?

LYRA: It depends. On some rare cases it is necessary, but usually it is not

DE LA COURT, F: So.. you've conveniently 'forgotten' the referendum that was promised to the concerned foreign nations. And the intruder immigrants were given citizenship by fiat. And your government is not in the least embarrassed by this?

LYRA: Uhh.. Nope! Hippostanians have never been this happy!

DE LA COURT, F: I'd like to talk about another embarrasment. The arrest of Diana Melo. Could you please describe the events that have unfolded there so far?

LYRA: Diana Melo released some classiffied documents. She was a direct threat to our national security, so we jailed her and are going to try her for terrorism.

DE LA COURT, F: Do you blame 'humans' for this as well?

LYRA: For what, if I may ask?

BASTAARD, JJ: Mr. Speaker, the Hippostanian testimony is so divergent from all the others that we cannot take it as evidence for the position of all pony nations. Only one question remains, then. Do all the pony nations support the Hippostanian take-over? Or might they have done things differently?

LYRA: Most pony nations supported the Pony Revolution, yes. But in no way do most CoPS nations support the current political situation in Hippostania.

VILJOEN, M: Alright then... I.. say we leave it at that, for now.

[Knootoss]

Weeks of additional hearings featured many Knootian "experts", such as they were, weighing in on the issue. The final document was 600 pages long but, thankfully, summarised on the first page:

Staten-Generaal of the Dutch Democratic Republic of Knootoss

Executive summary:

The Parliamentary inquiry into the Pony Question was approved by the Staten-Generaal in response to growing concerns about the advancement of a newly dominant, and apparently sentient, species. The Staten-Generaal charged the Honourable Member Maurits Viljoen, the Honourable Member Jeremy Jules Bastaard and the Honourable Member Francis de La Court to find out the true nature of the creatures known in common parlance "magical ponies", to assess potential threats and opportunities for the Dutch Democratic Republic of Knootoss and its allies, and to make policy suggestions for dealing with the 'magical ponies', and the nations controlled by them.

With regards to the first question, the Committee of Inquiry finds that "magical ponies" consist of at least three sub-species of fully sentient creatures, capable of making informed decisions and being accountable for those decisions. The committee also finds that magical ponies are capable of both moral and immoral decision-making. Although some magical ponies claim to have a moral superiority and increased sensibility, the actions of other ponies demonstrate that there is no reason to suppose that any member of this species is inherently well-intentioned or, for that matter, ethically above reproach.

Although some members of the pony races have abilities that are extraordinary compared to those abilities possessed by humans and other species that are known to inhabit Knootoss, these abilities can be readily explained through scientific principles, particularly the unique physiology of rare members of the species. The committee rejects the hypothesis that these creatures use super-natural abilities, and further rejects the hypothesis that ponies are merely a figment of the imagination precipitated by some virus.

Having investigated the religious creeds that are being promoted by "ponyist" states and non-pony adherents, the Committee of Inquiry finds that the beliefs espoused by the believers have no more merit than those beliefs practiced by any citizen of Knootoss. While the committee notes, with concern, the cult-like tendencies involved with the religion, as well as the way that it seems to fuel aggressive military conquest in some adherents, the religion lacks a formalised hierarchical structure. Princess Luna, to whom many have ascribed the status of demi-goddess, does not seem willing to exploit the adulation of the masses to its logical conclusion at this time.

The above-average physiological abilities of magical ponies, their apparent political dominance in a growing number of nations and their tendency to operate as a single unit for political purposes constitutes a clear and present threat to the security of Knootoss. However, there is no reason to suppose that the leadership of the magical ponies, collectively, harbours any intentions to threaten the Knootian Federation, the Western Atlantic, or Knootian national interests outside these regions. It is reasonable to suppose that restrictive legislation or hostile action against pony-led nations will provoke military action by the Coalition of Ponyist States.

Trade with "ponyist" states has significant advantages. A large consumer base, receptivity to Knootian exports and a willingness to negotiate free trade agreements all suggest that a policy of open trade could promote economic growth in Knootoss and the states of the Knootian Federation. Similarly, the Committee of Inquiry finds that highly skilled pony migrant workers could fulfil unique niches in the labour market, and enhance economic growth. However, the committee notes that trade with the specific nations of Hippostania and the Greater Pony Herd is incompatible with the demands of an ethical Foreign Economic Policy.

Policy recommendations

Based on the above findings, the committee makes the following recommendations:

• The subspecies of "magical pony" should be treated as sentient beings under the law, and afforded all the rights and duties associated therewith. This includes the rights and duties afforded to them by international treaties and World Assembly resolutions.
• Knootoss should permit adherents of the pony religion to practice their faith, but permit the national intelligence agencies to monitor any practitioners who show serious evidence of having developed a willingness to use violence against non-adherents or non-ponies.
• The government of Knootoss should observe a benign state of neutrality towards the Coalition of Ponyist States, unless its vital national interests come to be threatened by any of their members. In such an event, every effort should be made to treat conflict as a disagreement between states, and not as a disagreement between races. Knootoss should only resort to an alliance with so-called "anti-ponyist" alliances in the event that the Coalition of Ponyist States invokes collective self-defence clauses, in order to act aggressively against Knootian national interests.
• The government should develop non-conventional countermeasures, to counter pony abilities and create a level playing field in the military arena. The Budget Committee of the Staten-Generaal should appropriate the necessary resources for this purpose. Such countermeasures should remain classified, and only shared with outsiders in the event of a significant threat to Knootian national interests.
• Knootoss should pursue free trade agreements with all nations of the Coalition of Ponyist states, unless other concerns related to the policies of individual nations make such agreements undesirable.
• Knootoss should continue its present restrictive policies vis a vis the illegal government of Hippostania.

This government communication has been printed on biodegradable paper. All carbon emissions associated with the creation of this government communication have been off-set with new plantings in Colombia, using the Pink Bunny Tree™ Carbon Offset Scheme, sponsored by the Pink Bunny Cola Corporation and the Global Hell Group. For more information about the Pink Bunny Tree™ Carbon Offset Scheme, consult http://www.futureproof.kn.