Doom comes to Turtleshroom (Closed, TG for Entry)

[New Edom]

OOC: http://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=137270 this is the origin of the thread. Please telegram me or Turtleshroom for entry.

IC:

Carlotta Jane Moss was the daughter of a New Edomite real estate magnate. She had studied at the Fineberg Girls' Academy which was run by the Apostolic Church and which had to her been a total drag. Skirts down to her calves, stockings, long sleeves, all unless you were playing field hockey or soccer or something. Whenever she had a chance she was out to Quality Bay watching the boys' antics on the beach (the surfing at Quality Bay sucked but it was an excuse to parade around in a bikini and get some attention.) She had been going to Fineberg U with Andrea Benjamin, the now famous "beauty queen with a conscience" but her parents had hustled her off to the safe if totally boring Turtleshroom when the Civil War exploded.

People took her for a bimbo or a gold digger. That was just her appearance talking. She was absolutely a believer in feminism, in the Free Congress. She had a poster of William Touchstone on the wall. But why shouldn't she use what came naturally for advantage? Andrea Benjamin did, and look where it had gotten her. She felt there was no contradiction in this. Her parents were lucky, they were off in the tropical paradise of AHSCA.

She had a number of friends; in spite of being from a 'Shroomer point of view the kind of girl parents warned you about she was funny, easygoing, sarcastically witty and had gone from being attractive and interesting in New Edom to being a total hottest babe on campus in Turtleshroom. And she had landed the cutest guy on campus as well. His name was Marco Grimaldi and he was from Ivrea-Mantova, a dark haired young man who wore glasses to read but didn't need them to drive. He was kind of athletic in a playing tennis kind of way, and he was a socialist.

She was kind of frustrated that no one had joined her protest. It was embarassing and annoying to have that hick cop come and give her a bunch of tickets. Her parents had threatened to send her to a military school in Nalaya if she wasted their money or got in serious trouble, but she was a grown woman.

She in frustration made an obscene gesture, which unfortunately happened just as the cop turned. She had no idea why he had turned, maybe it was to check out her profile or just at a noise he'd heard or something, but her eyes widened; it was too late to take the gesture back though.

[Nalaya]

OOC: Approved by Edom. Be afraid, very afraid.

IC:

Nalaya's insistence on foreign education had come back to bite Liastan Kalousdian in the ass, as she thought of it. Somehow, by a cruel turn of fate, she'd ended up dumped in TurtleShroom on leave. It wasn't that she really disliked the country, since the eighteen-year old hadn't seen much of it. But she felt isolated now from everything and everyone she knew. The time off campus gave her a chance to try and adjust, but without the structure of military life, she was a bit at a loss. Worse than that was the persistant Christianity everywhere she went. It was well known that open influence of religion made Nalayans acutely uncomfortable, and Liastan was no exception. The only symbol of faith she ever wore was the cross of St. Dismas, and that was only on her uniform to signify she was a medic. Such things were supposed to be private.

Still, she figured she could keep her head down and not draw too much attention for the few months until she was rotated back home. How much trouble could there really be? Liya looked down at the picture of herself and her friends in uniform, keenly missing the comforts of Nalaya.

(Liya far left)

However, she was amused by the cop giving some girl a ticket--clearly another non-native. Liya smothered her laugh when the officer turned around to see the obscene gesture, but figured she should probably go over and smooth things out. It was something she was good at, and apparently the police in other countries were fairly taser-happy.

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE IMMODESTY DEBACLE II

The robed policeman hated to admit it, but that was probably the hottest woman he had ever seen in TurtleShroom. It was obvious that she wasn’t from TurtleShroom, and he sure was glad he patrolled the beat around the university: hot women abound!

Nonetheless, he had sworn an oath to uphold the law equally to the beautiful and the ugly, and so he had ticketed her on everything she had violated. He left and turned one more time to get a good long look at that bombshell of a body, and that’s when she Flicked him the Bird.

The cop’s eyes widened, and there was silence for a moment. He ran over to her.

“Miss, Flicking the Bird is a hundred Skillet fine, doing in on Sunday is a two hundred Skillet fine, and… well, I’m tacking this as insulting a police officer… which is a misdemeanor and, of course, means you will have to submit some blood to the Universal Nefarious Hemoglobin Observation and Listing Ensemble of Everyone. Or, in short, the ‘UNHOLEE’.”

The cop, with lightning reflexes, grabbed the student and handcuffed her wrists. She cooperated and was asked to lie on the hood of the police car. There, the cop pulled out an item very similar to a diabetic blood sampler. He removed the strip and put on a white sanitary glove, adding a new strip.

“In TurtleShroom, all felonies, all misdemeanors, and an extreme select few infractions get your DNA eternally submitted to the UNHOLEE for the rest of your life. You may call it a violation of rights, but if you don’t do the time, you don’t have to submit blood. Now, hold still: this’ll hurt a bit.”

He pricked her finger and drew the blood.

“All right. Now, I’m in a good mood- I guess it’s ‘cause you’re beautiful -so I won’t take you under arrest, even though insulting a cop like that is certainly a reason. Your DNA is logged, so if you commit another crime, you’re busted.”

He removed an inkpad and had her press her thumbs on it. At last, the officer wrote a ticket, this one on pink paper.

“Three thousand Skillets. Better than the stony lonesome. Now, you and me, we’re gone go back into your university and report you to the Dean Headmaster, the President, or any one of the Board of Elders.”

The police officer escorted Lottie back in and made their way to the offices. He had chosen the Elders, apparently. Entering the room, it looked sort of like a county convention hall, where the Elders sat in the desks and overlooked the auditorium. Light flowed in from the stained glass in the back, as the ceilings, arched and rising twenty feet into the sky, made the sunlight concentrate into rays.
The flag of TurtleShroom was in the right corner, and the flag bearing the school’s logos was on the other. Only one Elder was in the room at the time.

“Brother… uhhh.”

“Jacob.” the Elder replied.

Jacob rose to his horrendously tall eight foot seven inches, donning clerical vestments. The white robes flowed about the floor as the university’s youngest Elder adjusted the mitre on his head. He wasn’t Catholic, but the nation’s oldest university wasD led by a parochial body.
The TurtleShroom university system maintained a secular Dean-Headmaster, a President, and a Board of Scholars to govern the university and assist (read battle) with the government, but it was the Board of Elders that set all disciplinary policies, issued morality, and had the powers of expulsion, suspension, and most discipline overall.

“Brother Jacob.” the officer said, bowing. He lightly tapped Lottie to get her to bow. She did so, reluctantly. Everything was ceremonially draped in TurtleShroom. She realized this her first day.

“Miss, why aren’t you in uniform? You ain’t got a pantsuit?”

“Brother Jacob, she was protesting outside in these clothes.”

The Elder frowned.

“Protestin’? That’s a paddlin’.””

The officer handed him all her tickets.

“Breakin’ laws? That’s a paddlin’.””

He looked her over again.

“Immodest dress and ‘outta school uniform on a school day? That’s a paddlin’.””

“Oh yeah, and…”

The officer whispered into the Elder’s ear.

“SHE DID WHAT?” the Elder glared at Lottie. “OOOOOHHH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT’S A PADDLIN’’.”

The Elder rang a small hotel-style bell on the desk.

“WITNESSES! TWO WITNESSES!”

Immediately, a janitor and one of the college’s teacher’s pets entered.

“Yes?”

“There’s a paddlin’.”

“Yes sir.”

The two witnesses stood attention as Elder Jacob reached under the desk and held up the Board of Education. He pointed it condemningly at Lottie.

“Officer, please exit. Paddlins’ are to be done in private ‘fore two witnesses.”

The officer nodded.

“Oh, Miss Moss. Ya’ll been a thorn in this schoolhouse since ya came. Eggin’ the Dean Headmaster, stealin’ the mitre off Elder Moses’ head, skippin’ class… I could go on and on. Just glad your parents didn’t sign the Opt-Out form.”

He got down from his lectern and walked over to Lottie, towering over the gorgeous woman. She felt intimidated.

“For your transgressions, you hereby lose your privelages to exit the school Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. As you know, you are currently the prop- under the custody of the University.”

“Yeah.” Lottie said.

“AHEM.”

“Yes sir.”

“As such, we have the ability to, within reason, control your agenda as would a parent. Yes?”

“Yes sir.”

“You are not to leave the Univeristy campus from Friday to Sunday. You are othertwise free to explore the school, of course, but don’t expect to get away. We have the highest Police Ratio in the reigon, and ten percent of the known universe.”

Under her breath, Lottie coughed: “Totalitarians.” Jacob didn’t hear it.

“For your transgressions, you are to submit to twenty five strokes of the Board of Education. Before ya get on yer knees and lay yer stomach on that chair, you have a right, according to the 1921 Treaty with the Brats, which troublemakers had us sign, you may defend your actions before me. Your words will be gauged to increase or decrease your paddlins’, or even absolve them.”

He tapped the paddle on his other hand.

“Speak, child. What led you to these acts?”

[New Edom]

Lottie drew herself up, feeling small as a kid beside the towering headmaster, and said, "Yeah, I've got stuff to say! First of all, it was an accident. I didn't mean to flip him the one finger salute, I was just ticked off that all that happened was Deputy Dawg out there ticketing me. And also, I'm 20 years old, so being spanked is ridiculous. Third, I'm claiming that I'm being culturally persecuted. It's a hot day and dressing like this is customary where I come from," she lied, "And finally, I want to talk to the New Edomite foreign ministry since this place doesn't have a proper embassy yet, I want to claim political asylum! In my country protesting things that are wrong are not just a right, it's a privilege. This country shackles it's people behind a false standard of modesty, and it is degrading and bigoted towards humans! Mushrooms can go around with their spores exposed, but we can't even wear shorts and a t shirt! If the gambling laws can be reconsidered, why can't the modesty laws! They're reconsidering it in New Edom!"

[Nalaya]

Liastan coughed slightly. "With all due respect, Headmaster, I was there," she said quietly, but her silvery voice carried quite well. The Nalayan girl was out of uniform at the moment--she hadn't had class today, after all--but she was still dressed in long sleeves and long pants. "I have studied abroad, and I don't think she did anything wrong except respond to what she perceived was unfair treatment. Perhaps there is a better way? If Miss Moss agrees not to do it again, I'm sure she could be excused this mistake."

The pretty little Nalayan stepped forward more, shoulders squared with military bearing. "I'll act as insurance for her good behavior, sir," she said politely, standing up straight. "If Miss Moss doesn't hold true to her bargain, I'll accept punishment with her. Now I have an incentive to make sure she stays out of trouble, sir. And New Edom doesn't have to get pulled into a mess of trouble over this. Would that work, sir?"

[New Edom]

Lottie was startled by the girl barging in, but hey, she had seen her before and at least she looked KINDA normal...and she said, "Well, hey wait a minute. I am not opposing my punishment except on principle! I mean...if I gotta get paddled..." she made a pouty face at the Head..."Then I gotta get paddled, for being such a bad girl...and it has been a while since I had a really....good...spanking." she smiled at the Head and the two witnesses warmly. "So how does the paddling get done? I mean do I need to take my shorts down or..."

[Nalaya]

Liastan knew when to back off, and that was the time. She raised an eyebrow slightly, but figured Lottie could handle this on her own. Takes all kinds, I suppose. She'd known a few people who happened to have similar tastes--in the barracks, people tended to be very open with their plans for leave--but not usually quite so publicly. Moss, I don't think the TurtleShroomers are ready for you, she thought with a half smile, shaking her head.

It was going to be funny as hell to see them try and handle Charlotte, but she had good enough military bearing that she wasn't going to smirk and give anything away.

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE IMMODEST DEBACLE III

Lottie began her defense in earnest, and with each argument, Elder Jacob would respond.

“Yeah, I've got stuff to say! First of all, it was an accident. I didn't mean to flip him the one finger salute, I was just ticked off that all that happened was Deputy Dawg out there ticketing me.”

“Absurdity!” the Elder responded. “You broke the law, and so the police performed their duty.” Jacob waved the tickets. “Your inability to contain your anger does not excuse your distribution of the curse finger. In fact, you should learn to control that temper before you do something worse.”

“I'm 20 years old, so being spanked is ridiculous.”

The Elder rolled his eyes.

“Primary, secondary, and tertiary schooling in TurtleShroom are all subject to corporal punishment, child. Anyone and everyone can sign an opt-out form when they first enter each level. They are offered it once, and it seems that you, with your unholy sense of entitlement, have failed to file the Form. Therefore, as is with all, you must submit to the Board.”

He stretched his hands in a show of the room.

“You sign yourself to the custody of this school, Miss Moss. We rule you in locus parentis, and are not afraid to call a spade a spade. Rule. The age of majority is waived to the superiority of the authority of the institution of higher education. You are not independent in college, ma’am, you are under our jurisdiction, and there ain’t no ‘student rights’ in TurtleShroom, spare the obvious protections from abuse, and whatever we choose to give you, at our mercy. You are here ta learn, not… what do you liberals call it? Express yourselves? Empower yourselves? Bah. There’s a reason TurtleShroomian doctors graduate in seven years over twelve. If you slash all liberal assertions of entitlements, you school faster. We’re a well-oiled machine, Miss Moss, and we do NOT tolerate those who dare snag the Machine of Education.”

Third, I'm claiming that I'm being culturally persecuted. It's a hot day and dressing like this is customary where I come from.

“For a liberal, ya sure don’t seem to get ‘equal justice before the law’. We don’t care if you were born, hatched, or germinated here, or in some devil’s den as Nicksylvania. All are to submit to the same laws, and there are no special minorities to protect you. White or Asian, boy or girl, Christian or Atheist, the law discriminates not and crushes all crime in complete equality. There is no cultural persecution, there is just the law.”

Finally, I want to talk to the New Edomite foreign ministry since this place doesn't have a proper embassy yet, I want to claim political asylum!

“Miss Moss, you are under the custody of the Jonesboro State Agricultural Academy, and waive all rights except those the school feels you should have, and, of course, those guaranteed to you in the Constitution. Our educational system is autonomous and largely non-overseen; we govern ourselves and run you all through at least twice as fast as a normal school WITH THE SAME RESULTS. Students who submit learn faster. ‘Wanna get outta’ here faster? Submit, and let the wonders of the System rush you out with a quality education. You are bringing this upon yourself. No protests, no slow downs.”

Elder Jacob then put a hand to his chin as he thought about the political asylum claim.

“Refugee status in TurtleShroom completely exempts you from all immigration laws, but compels you to wear, at all waking times, a lanyard and badge denoting your status. It enables you to fast-track a TurtleShroomian naturalization, and the state will defend you from extradition in the event your persecutor calls you back for punishment. Refugees will also obtain assistance in employment and, if need be, armed bodyguards to protect from assassins abroad. You’re also exempted from banishment from the country. If you seek to apply refugee status, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs will be the destination. However, that does not really get you out of a paddlin’. It just protects your life.”

“In my country protesting things that are wrong are not just a right, it's a privilege.”

“This ain’t your country. A privilege is revocable, Miss Moss. A right is guaranteed. Swamped with entitlements, you mutate privileges into rights, rights not given to you by the Constitution, nor TurtleShroom’s founders. A deal was struck in the 1920s on the sins of picketing, strikes, and protests. We have tens of thousands of designated public protest areas, ones which you did not stand on, and even so, trolling is exempt from that privilege. If you protest a law accepted by the community by and large- in your case, dress –ya’ll trollin’. Get a vast majority to side, and ya’ll’d be spared from the trollin’ laws.

“This country shackles it's people behind a false standard of modesty, and it is degrading and bigoted towards humans! Mushrooms can go around with their spores exposed, but we can't even wear shorts and a t shirt!”

“I hope your education has given you the ability to differentiate a fungus from a human. Mushrooms can not wear clothes in the sense of humans, and they have nothing to cover, because they are fungi, and God has not put obscenities and standards on that taxonomic kingdom. Humans have Dominion over the earth, and assume many responsibilities not given to the rest of the animal kingdom. One of these is to dress appropriately; another mandate is to be a steward of the earth. Just because our governance is shared by three species does not change the supremacy of the human species over all others before the eyes of the Lord.”

Then, he looked her over.

“You do have a right to wear that stuff, but others have the right to criticize and question your moral standards. Your dress right now indicates an implication of harlotry, but that’s not the state’s business until you aren’t chaste. School uniforms for women haven’t changed since 1980, when the pantsuit option was introduced by the feminists that also managed to purge beauty contests from the nation. Besides, you think the women have problems with this heat? Look at the men in their greatcoats! That’s a lot more uncomfortable in this climate than you and your pantsuits. Ingrate. –and hey, I can’t take off any of my vestments, either. I sweat like a pig, but I don’t whine.”

“If the gambling laws can be reconsidered, why can't the modesty laws! They're reconsidering it in New Edom!”

The Elder made a face of sheer disgust and disapproval.

“The Supreme Court performed an abusive case of Judicial Activism and warped the Constitution to conform to their definition of gamblin’. Bettin’ they played Go Fish in the backrooms of the courthouse! I ain’t votin’ for any of them ever again, and I hope the next judge submits to centuries of precedent. We banned gamblin’ since 1800, and suddenly, those gavel wieldin’ yellowbellies throw it all out. Bigger vices to pursue? Bah, pursue all vices.”

He looked at Lottie angrily.

“The Court did not match the will of the people, and they are going to ALL get voted out next election. Don’t mistake the gamblin’ case as one of nationwide endorsement… even if the casinos DO have so many attendants that you have to get a RESERVATION to gamble.”


The Elder was relieved she was done.

“None of your arguments relinquish from me the right to paddle you, nor do they absolve the number of paddlins’. Now-“

"With all due respect, Headmaster, I was there."

The Elder whipped his head to the new entry.

“How’d ya’ll get in here? You can’t-”

He looked her over.

“OH. Military.” he smiled, bowing slightly. “Well, we’re all glad to have a heroine of her country in these halls of higher learnin’. You may stay as our third witness, if you wish.
–and both TurtleShroom and your home country thank you for your service. –and it’s ‘Elder’, not Headmaster. That’s a secular office that runs the school.”

The janitor whispered to the soldier girl, as he and the teachers’ pet bowed.

“The old TurtleShroomer joke is that when a soldier says ‘jump’, we say ‘how high’. It ain’t a lie.”

“I have studied abroad, and I don't think she did anything wrong except respond to what she perceived was unfair treatment. Perhaps there is a better way? If Miss Moss agrees not to do it again, I'm sure she could be excused this mistake.”

Elder Jacob looked over the pretty warrior, and contemplated showing mercy.

“I'll act as insurance for her good behavior, sir. If Miss Moss doesn't hold true to her bargain, I'll accept punishment with her. Now I have an incentive to make sure she stays out of trouble, sir. And New Edom doesn't have to get pulled into a mess of trouble over this. Would that work, sir?”

“People may see us as backwater, but we’re way more civilized than utilizin’ whippin’ boys. You will face no paddlins’ for the trangressions of another, but you seem to want to help this girl from comin’ back. She has a long record of delinquency in these halls. I guess orderin’ her to pal around with a soldier would be better than ANOTHER paddlin’.”

He rubbed his chin. He walked back over and placed the paddle back into storage. The Elder sat down at the desk.

“WITNESSES, DISPERSE.”

All three left.

“Miss Moss, I have decided to show you grace and withhold a punishment you deserve. From here on,” he took out a sheet of paper and began scrawling some orders, “You will reside in the dormitory with the woman that just saved your bacon. Staff will move your stuff immediately, and, further, you can not leave the school on Sundays. You’d better be lucky that heroine was there to save you, as she has done for so many on the battlefield. I expect you to listen to her, because she now has the authority to order one of the Administrators to paddle you for any reason she asks.”

He crossed his arms.

“I expect you not to return to my chambers, nor those of the Headmaster-Dean, nor the President or any Scholar of the Board. Is that understood?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. You may now depart.”

Lottie exited the room and met up with her savior. The giant bells of the school’s bell towers rang, echoing through the enormous university. It was now break period. The next two hours would not contain any classes.

Humans, turtles, mushrooms, and some other foreign species crowded into the halls as they either made their way off campus or to a more entertaining part of the gigantic college.

[Nalaya]

Liastan was a bit baffled that it had actually worked, and that TurtleShroomers seemed so...approving of the military. In Nalaya, everyone served. It was simply how you proved you were an adult and paid your country your due. The people who earned this kind of honor from it...well, they weren't around to reap the benefits. Reverence was awarded to those who'd made the ultimate sacrifice.

"I'm sorry, I appear to have spoiled your morning," she said apologetically to Lottie in the hallway, books under her arm. Ah, break--a chance to get nearly run over by students she didn't know. It was her day off anyway. "If I'd known, honestly I wouldn't have said anything. It would have been amusing to see the shock on the Elder's face." She cleared her throat a little, trying not to make things awkward. But she couldn't help but ask, "Is that why you get in so much trouble here? I'm sure even in TurtleShroom there are other places for that."

[New Edom]

Lottie laughed. "You literally saved my butt back there! i was messing with their heads, you know, and they didn't even comment. But yeah, in a way I don't even want to be here. My parents shipped me out here because of the Civil War, which is now pretty much over. Anyway, thanks." they wended their way around towering gawky turtleshroomers and stepped over the occasional tortoise. "I think my parents are hypocrites, frankly. I mean they're sending me to one of the most Christian nations on the planet, and yet they're vacationing in AHSCA right now. Supposedly looking at investments fora hotel. Oh, and my dad was one of the investors in the Quality Bay resort, which has a Decadence festival--for rich foreigners--every year. Ordinary New Edomites can't go. Technically it's private property and removed from any normal dwellings or whatever, so it doesn't violate the Morality Laws. I think it just made me mad to see more hypocrisy here. I wonder what people really think, you know?"

[Nalaya]

"I'm certain some level of hypocrisy is part of life. People find it hard to be honest with themselves," Liastan said with a wry smile. She shook Charlotte's hand with a small, polite bow. "Liya Kalousdian. I didn't think AHSCA was that bad last time I visited. But I don't understand the idea of morality laws, I'm afraid." She smiled a little. "In my experiences abroad, law and morals rarely intersect. Most people here? I doubt they really care if someone shows a little skin, provided they're good looking. There are some things no one wants to see."

She knew very little about New Edom, save what she'd read in the papers. The country was a bit baffling, honestly, just as TurtleShroom was. Who gave the government a right to interfere in how you dressed or who you married? Of course it was a bit different in the military--you'd better damn be in uniform, and fraternization was strictly on leave--but in civilian life? Nalayans preferred their own government, which worried more about large important things like roads and schools and wars than tiny things, like who you happened to kiss in public. Liya was a product of her environment, though, and she understood that. It was not her place to pass judgment, only to try and understand.

"Why do people stare so much here, anyway? Because we're out of uniform?"

[New Edom]

"We are also really short and frankly cute by contemporary standards here," observed Lottie, "I mean the average girl here is a towering beanstalk with no boobs or ass." she laughed. "Don't say that too loudly though. And yes, we don't dress like the wife of a megachurch preacher. We don't wear shoulder pads or clunky shoes. I'm studying agricultural economics, what are you majoring in?"

[Nalaya]

"Medicine," Liya said with a small smile. As a Nalayan, she usually felt a bit short, but TurtleShroom definitely hammered it in. "I've already completed my medical and surgical training back home, so...I thought I might go for a more advanced degree." She looked around at the other girls in the area. "But wouldn't they be used to that by now? I mean, standards of beauty are subjective, right?"

She shrugged a little and laughed. "This country is weird. Paddling, tickets for wearing shorts--ancestors forbid they ever see a girl in a bathing suit--and Christianity oozing from every building. Few things have ever really made me so appreciate my home and the freedoms we have there. So...agricultural economics? Tell me it's far more interesting than pricing cows, because that's what it sounds like."

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE IMMODESTY DEBACLE IV

Lottie and Liastan were enjoying each other’s company as they veered into a lesser-populated hallway and made their way out into one of the open squares, an enclave in the brick behemoth of a university.

The open space was about the size of a classroom, with a lovely marble fountain in the middle. Jets of water spit up and down. Ornate carvings of turtles lowering their necks circled the central piece of the fountain: a cross made of obsidian, to contrast the white marble. A few picnic tables were to the left and the right of the place, and only one other student was eating in the corner.


The two women went to the other side of the peaceful, but somewhat small, park and talked a bit. The kid in the distance noticed them and ran over.

---

He was from the Southeastern grasslands of TurtleShroom, where the Marxists came from.
Like all of the students, he was wearing the heavy black greatcoat with the national seal of TurtleShroom sewn on it. Sweat was running down his forehead.
The boy was roughly five foot three, extremely short for his age, and had an impressive full beard despite being only twenty. His hair was thinning; he was a victim of the early baldness that plagues TurtleShroomer men. He combed that over, but made up for it with that epic beard. He seemed to care for it quite well, and it wasn’t messy or unkept.
It reminded the two of some old photos of famed Marxists… which was the point.

Unlike most other TurtleShroomers, this one seemed to actually have a healthier color to his skin. He had what was probably a farmer’s tan, as his arms, face, and neck were a nice brown, while he was probably ghostly pale under his clothes. His hands were calloused, like they had been doing hard physical work for his whole life.

There was absolutely no question that he was a farmer before he came to school.

The young man had the crimson red eyes that were famous to TurtleShroom humans, and these were aided by brass-colored, wiry, square-lens glasses on his face. All of his hair was jet black. Around his neck, he wore a neat, thin little golden necklace- like one of those modern little cross necklaces -that had a golden hammer and sickle for a pendent.

---

Lottie recognized him as he came closer. He was smiling and waving his hand happily.


“Comrade Vottie!” the man said, in a thick accent like one from a Soviet state, “It’s so good to see vou.”
His voice wasn’t very deep, as if puberty had barely hit him in that department.

Liastan looked to the Marxist kid and back to Lottie, as if to say “You know him?”.

“Hey Vince.”

Lottie motioned for him to sit down. The commie smiled to Liastan.

“It’s a pleasure to veet you, ma’am. My name is Vincent Lynn, but Vottie calls me ‘Vince’. –and before you ask, ves, I am a proud Marxist.”

Liastan was somewhat surprised that Marxists were permitted in TurtleShroom. Most nations like these persecuted “dirty commies”.

“I see ‘zee bourgeoisie tried to lay down their vaddle of oppression, yes?”

Lottie nodded.

“It’s just means for them to keep ‘zee common worker down.” Vincent said, shrugging. “-but your resilience, Vottie, is a legend to all ‘zee proletariat in this school. You’re a vero to us all, and I’m sure you seek a revolution. We all vook up to you.”

Liastan, wanting to know more about this strange young man, asked what he was up to.

“Vell, I finally vanaged to escape…” he shuddered, “THEM.”

Lottie shook her head as Liastan asked who “they” were. Vincent scowled and clinched his fists.

“THEM. ‘Zee Breaker Brokers. They’re ‘zis group of non-veligious, vannabe bullies that are studying to become stock vokers. They mainly pick on the workers that don’t support complete lazziez-faire vapitialism, though they also persecute very religious volks and most any verd shorter than them. They love targeting proletariat like me. They gave me ‘zee ‘swirly’ this morning. AGAIN!”

The two looked at each other. That must have smarted.

“Of course, I’ll vress on. Vou got anything to talk about?” Vincent looked to Lottie and winked. “Vike any plans for your next vig prank, comrade?”

[New Edom]

Lottie laughed in a good natured way. "About all I know about this guy is his name is Vince. I never have the slightest idea of what he's saying, but he's what my mom calls a gas. He's a nice guy...did you understand a word of that? Something Something whatever? I heard workers, oppression, eh, dont get it. Anyway he's cool. I have a boyfriend named Marco, do you have a boyfriend?" she glanced at Vince, "Hey, Vince, dude, write it down, you know? Didn't get much of that.."

[Nalaya]

"No, no one," Liastan said, cheeks coloring slightly. She rubbed the back of her neck with embarrassment. "I get moved around so much with rotation that it's...hard. But I'm trying not to advertise that here, lest I get hit on so much I can't study. They seem to be keen on foreign girls."

[TurtleShroom]

Vincent nodded, a bit saddened that his first friend still had trouble understanding him.

"Of course, comrade… sorry..."
Vincent walked over to where he had came and yanked out a clunky typewriter and some paper. He speedily and efficiently typed away as Lottie and Liastanade idle conversation.

At last, Vincent returned with multiple sheets of paper, his words neatly typed on them.

"There. I hope 'zis paper does 'zee help."

The bearded kid handed the girls the papers and sat back down, smiling slightly, but still disappointed.

[Nalaya]

Liya blinked. She'd never expected the man to actually write it down. Wasn't it a figure of speech? That was just...weird. Though in all fairness, so was this whole day. Wearing shorts was not normally a cause worthy of protesting, at least in her experience. "Umm...what?"

Clearly, this place was not at all like home.

[TurtleShroom]

"Vell, you couldn't vunderstand my accent, so I vas asked to type it out."

Vincent gestured to the paper.

"Papers are never vaccented."

[New Edom]

"I do have a plan, Vince, but I don't want to talk about it around here. But thanks man, you make me feel like it's not all pointless. So discouraging, no one even responding positively. But I'll tell you the plan soon enough. You're right, they're keeping the workers down! No unions? What kind of crap is that? I mean I'm not against making some money, but come on! This place needs some change, that's for sure. And what's with the whole paddling thing? Like even graduate students can get paddled. When do you become an adult?" Lottie shook her head. "Anyway I have a plan."

Lorries plan involved sending out a few emails from a web address she would delete upon sending the email. It would basically advise that she didn't dare send an email that could be responded to under the circumstances. She whispered this to Vince and said, "We need to connect to other workers movements, right? Internationale and all that! You able to help me, dude?"

[TurtleShroom]

Vince stroked his beard for a moment.

"Vell, good luck getting vy own people to support any of vhat you just thought of."

He sighed.

"I'm rather vare, actually. Vost Marxists in VurtleShroom have long abandoned 'zee flame of proletariat revolutions. Zay happy as long as zay have their communes, their public ownership, their vontrol of 'zee means of production... unlike vany capitalist nations, 'zee bourgeoisie have given my veople everything they ever vanted, because there is 'zis amazing verses in 'zee Bible supporting pure Communism."

The two looked at each other.

"TurtleShroom hasn't had a labor strike in vell over a century, because zay did vhat no other vation did before them. Zay gave 'zee followers of Marx exactly vhat they vanted. I'm talking pure communism, no vownership, classless.... -but only in 'zee Southeastern grasslands, vhere 'zee vocal Marxists vere."

Reaching into his greatcoat, he handed Lottie a pamphlet.

"'Zis pamphlet explains all of VurtleShroom's labor vodes in totality. Read it and veran it; it has been law for von hundred years at veast."


Letting them read it, he continued.



"See, 'zis is a capitalist vation. Proletariat unions have never existed in TurtleShroom, and, vell... 'zee Marxists of 'zis country have been pacified by a vombination of propaganda, vomplaency, and I swear... 'zee Quakers didn't target ONLY 'zee Southeast in 'zee 1950s on their own free vill. Everyone valls me crazy, but-"

He looked around and whispered conspiratorially, as if someone was watching.

"I 'zink 'zee government sent Quaker vissionaries specifically to 'zee grasslands to convert 'zee Marxists to 'zat denomination for von reason."

He slightly raised his voice.

"Do vou know vhat makes 'zee Quaker denomivation special, comrades?"

The two shrugged.

"Pacifism. Quakers interpret Jesus' vords literally. Zay never fight, use guns, or do any form of rebellion. Zay are gentle, caring, kind, and vospitable. 'Zat's good, and because of 'zat, it's vhy no von in TurtleShroom hates Communism. Quakers vike to be untouched, veft alone, and as such, 'zee bourgeoisie supply volice to keep shootouts from vappening. No one vants a revolution in TurtleShroom, because 'zee Marxist population is valmost veighty-five vercent Quaker. In our communal peoples' assemblies, von needs zeventy five vercent to vimplement policies. Zere are too many Quakers to ever invoke a worker vrevolution. Our Marxists are vappy 'zee vay zay are."

Vincent sighed.

"The Quakerism is double-edged sword, comrades. It has given 'zee Marxists peace, happiness, and no vinterference by 'zee bourgeoisie, and all 'zee nation- no matter zere class -respects Communism because it is never violent or voud. ...-but it has also vextenguished 'zee passion of 'zee proletariat to revolt. It vas done so long ago and is zo thorough that vany TurtleShroomers don't even KNOW vhat a vunion is. 'Zee vublic schools don't teach about zat until late vigh school, and vonly as a theory."

He concluded.

"'Zere is no contacts in TurtleShroom. 'Zee Internationale 'zinks ve have actually vone 'zee impossible and varks TurtleShroom as a successfully classless state!! Our Marxists have achieved a classless, vequal society vere 'zee workers control 'zee veans of production and everyone vequally distributes food among 'zere comrades... -but vonly in 'zee Southeast, where 'zee von million Marxists are. 'Zee rest of the nation is vapitalist and laden vith bourgeoisie. Everyone has 'zere own class, though 'zee state never intended for zat, it happened by vature of being vapitalistic. Did vou know that 'zee oil industry is vunregulated, that vonopolies claim 'zee telephones, 'zat there are no antitrust?"

He shook his head.

"'Zee iron chains of vapitalism vill not vet go of TurtleShroom. It's vot possible to change 'zee national economy. You'd never get any support. Look at anyone and vask them your ideas. Expect vaughter. 'Zee bourgeoisie have deregulated 'zee economy, and 'zee government can only venter vhen 'zere is," he counted on his fingers, "Corruption, vorkman's compensation, vorker safety, and gender vequality. 'Zere is nothing else in 'zee nation's economy 'zee government can bother."

Then, he remembered something.

"Vou can actually get zis from 'zee source. Come vith me after 'zee next period. 'Zee TurtleShroom Bureau of Labor Purity has an office here to velp 'zee students become vage slaves Come vhen you can. Zay reak with voppression."

[New Edom]

Lottie agreed to go with Vince, and suggested that her new friend come too.

Meanwhile...

“Hi there, my name is Colleen Fish, Undersecretary at the Foreign Ministry in New Edom, and I’d like to speak to my counterpart at your Department please, thank you.

“Hi, there. I hope you’re having a nice day there. Listen, I have a few concerns I wanted to bring up with you. First of all, I hate to make trouble for someone but your ambassador is behaving very oddly. He’s staying in a very low rent hotel even though we reserved a room at a very good hotel for him. I’d like to have some explanation as to why.

“Second, he made a number of very provocative remarks during a political meeting where there was a delicate negotiation going on. He seemed to be shocked by some of what is going on here politically. While I appreciate the rules your ambassadors operate under, and actually I’d appreciate a copy of that by the way, I have to be blunt and say that we’d like you to ask your ambassador not to withhold the truth and his honest opinion but to at least be discreet. We’re trying to keep civil war from breaking out again here.

“Third, there’s this Carlotta Moss thing. This may be a little awkward but apparently she’s being mistreated at your Jonesboro University. I’ve emailed you a copy of the Fineberg Times article. Now maybe there’s some misinformation there but unless there’s a really good explanation we’re going to have to send a formal investigation over. Again with the civil war, yes, but we have to make it very clear that we protect our citizens, right?

“Fourth: we haven’t actually sent a formal ambassador over. We are going to do that, it’s been in the works. We’ll have someone over unless you disagree in a jiffy to pick out a property. I’d like to know what your advice would be on that—would you suggest part of an office tower or something or a good sized house or houses? We’re looking at probably the standard roughly staff of 36 or so. I’m emailing you the stats on the ambassador, and are there any concerns you have?”

Over the phone Colleen felt confident and relaxed. It was in person that she felt self conscious and awkward and had to be a bit stiff and formal to hide it. Her voice was a very pleasant and calming one to hear.

New Edomite Embassy Information
Ambassador: Luachair Dedad (42)
Ambassador’s Family: Emily Dedad (38, wife, biologist) Daniel Dedad (8) Kevin Dedad (6)
Ambassador’s Bio: Luchair Dedad is a New Edomite Elwe, educated initially at Liosliath College and then at Fineberg University, majoring in economics and political science. He served in the Provincial Police in Raith Immel Province, attaining the rank of Inspector in the Investigative Bureau before retiring and entering politics. He was a member of the National Legislature for 8 years and recently retired from it, acting as a Charge d’Affaires for Princess Saxon Shalmaneser during her time as Ambassador to Royal Calathonia.

Embassy Staff: 10
Embassy Employees: 8
Embassy Security: 8 (armed with Makarov Pistols, tasers, plus ceremonial halberds and swords available.)
Embassy Vehicles: 2 SUVs, 1 Rolls-Royce

[Nalaya]

"I suppose I could come. Communists are alright--I certainly wouldn't find cause to disagree with it," Liya said, standing up. She stretched and smiled, then picked up her books. Part of her instincts were telling her that somehow this was going to end badly, that Lottie was a ball of trouble dipped in nitroglycerine and hovering between a match and a powder keg, but she couldn't resist. Liastan had to know how it would end, out of the same force of fascination that keeps people watching trains about to crash. "Where should I meet you two after the next period? I don't have any classes scheduled for today, so I'm free as a bird...for eight more hours, anyway. Then studying."

[TurtleShroom]

NATIONSTATES
THE IMMODESTY DEBACLE V

RING! RING! RIIIIIIIINNG!

A random bureaucrat-judge picked up a phone, deep in the bowels of one of the four Federal Bureaucracy Board buildings.

“You have reached the government of the Holy Republic of TurtleShroom. Glorifying Our Lord, Thirty Minutes at a Time, since 1796. To whom may I redirect this call?”

“Hi there, my name is Colleen Fish, Undersecretary at the Foreign Ministry in New Edom, and I’d like to speak to my counterpart at your Department please, thank you.”

“Yes ma’am. I’ll send yo- wait. Did you say Colleen Fish?”

“I did.”

“We were expecting your call. Please allow me to forward you to THE Headmaster of Foreign Affairs.”

He put Colleen on hold.

---

After about twenty minutes of a playlist of patriotic TurtleShroomer songs and an assortment of novelties, Colleen heard a sharply accented voice on the other end.

“How’d ya’ll get my personal numbuh? Who’s this? I gots a lotta things ta-”

“Sir? I am Colleen Fish.”

“OH! Howdy Miss Fish! I was explicitly informed that’d ya come a-callin’.”

“Hi, there. I hope you’re having a nice day there.

“Sure am! I’m Doctuh Maven Outtacountry, Headmaster of Foreign Affairs, membuh of the Executive Cabinet, of the Holy Republic a-TurtleShroom. I gots another year on my tenure. At your service. You callin’ ‘bout a problem?

“Yes sir. A few, actually. First of all, I hate to make trouble for someone but your ambassador is behaving very oddly. He’s staying in a very low rent hotel even though we reserved a room at a very good hotel for him. I’d like to have some explanation as to why.

“You talkin’ ‘bout Paul, ain’t ya. Okay. That hotel room he’s sleepin’ in was actually a permanent purchase. I’m talkin’ a transfer of land. Deeds. We’re coordinatin’ with the motel founders to turn it into an embassy. That’s gone be international territory soon. Founders were promised handsome money. For now, though, well….”

The turtle chuckled lightly.

“Well, let’s just say the taxpayuh ain’t too keen ‘bout wastin’ Skillets on diplomacy. I try ta tell ‘em, but the general public of TurtleShroom sees diplomacy as ‘worthless buttkissin’. The voter turnout for my office is the lowest in the nation.”

“What does that have to do with the hotel?”

“Well, it’s simple. We’re real cheap when it comes to foreign policies. We give our ambassadors lodgins’, the clothes on thar back, some watuh, food, and money. They’re expected to provide fer themselves, ‘cause, as I said, our country sees it as a waste of money. Even after the Great Awakenin’, when we rolled back our troops, folks still see it that way.”

He summed it up.

“Paul ain’t dishonorin’ you, Miss Fish. He’s followin’ protocol. The motel is what the state has rented out for him ta sleep in, and he ain’t gone disobey us unless he gets specific permission from us to do it. Paul is our nation’s highest ambassaduh, so it’d be me a-givin’ that orduh. Assumin’ it’s all funded on your expense, I’ll call ‘im and order him ta move. The purchase is still goin’ through, though. That motels’s gone be our embassy, some day. Fer now, it’s just gone be our land. We are… heh… our nation’s sorta a land grabber.”

There was a pause.

“That answer yer question, ma’am?”

“Yes.”

“Any other questions?”

“Yes.”

“Second, he made a number of very provocative remarks during a political meeting where there was a delicate negotiation going on. He seemed to be shocked by some of what is going on here politically. While I appreciate the rules your ambassadors operate under, and actually I’d appreciate a copy of that by the way, I have to be blunt and say that we’d like you to ask your ambassador not to withhold the truth and his honest opinion but to at least be discreet. We’re trying to keep civil war from breaking out again here.”

“While that’s normally against policy, the situation of yer nation would certainly necessitate the vitality of speakin’ more subtle-like. Especially ‘cause if Paul was deemed the casus belli of a new war, we’d have ta put ‘im ta death! I will absolutely notify him to engage in EPAACBK doctrines. That’s Emergency Peace at All Costs Buttkissin’. I didn’t name it, Congress did. It essentially means what you ask: tone down the words and be discreet. Paul’ll get the message. Got anything else?”

There was a pause.

“Third, there’s this Carlotta Moss thing. This may be a little awkward but apparently she’s being mistreated at your Jonesboro University. I’ve emailed you a copy of the Fineberg Times article. Now maybe there’s some misinformation there but unless there’s a really good explanation we’re going to have to send a formal investigation over. Again with the civil war, yes, but we have to make it very clear that we protect our citizens, right?”

“While I can get you to an Education bureaucrat, I can probably tell ya the problem. Chances are that she got spanked, punished, or saw what she thought was a ‘violation of her rights’. Therein lies the rub: the only rights she’s got is the rights’a a minor. Schools got total custody on her so long as she’s enrolled. We do this to speed up education, and it works, ‘cause we graduate doctuhs that need twelve years in seven! There ain’t rights in school, Miss Fish, just privelages. The school is only bound by the basic rights of our Constitution, which don’t give any of them fancy entitlements your kid wants. I’m sorry, but I cain’t do anything about it, and it’d probably be wasteful to call the MOE. She’s not bein’ mistreated; all the school is doin’ to her is legal. If it wasn’t, we’d have a poe-lease squad stormin’ the buildin’ with armed weapons to seize her and put her in a safe place while we arrest the villains fer corruption or whatever it is they did to her.”

He sighed.

“There ain’t no e-mail in TurtleShroom, Miss Fish. We never got your mail, and even if we did, university kids- even foreign ones –ain’t our jurisdiction. They’s at the mercy of the Ministry of Education, and actually act in locus parentis over them. We give schoolhouses control over kids that equates that of the parent.”

He paused.

"I appreciate what you're saying about your department of education, but we're going to want confirmation of that ourselves, and to speak with Carlotta Moss directly face to face. You have your standards and we have ours. Can I confirm that you will not interfere with us sending a special envoy to accomplish that?"

"To answer the confirmation question, yes. I reckon you can call the MOE and ask 'em. To answer the question of speakin' to this Moss kid, yes, but only if the school hasn't set any bans or restrictions on her freedom of movement during the school year. If she ain't in trouble, she'll be able to leave when school's done and meet with ya'll at any time you see convienent. As fer the envoy, well... I am required by protocol to repeat the followin' words. This has been policy since 1889."

Maven fished out the paper, and he did it noisly, which was heard on the other end. He finally found it: it was a telegram.

"Hello. Stop.
If you are reading this telegram, you or a legal guardian of a foreign student learning in TurtleShroom are filing a complaint. Stop.
Please be aware that the Holy Republic of TurtleShroom will send a representative-slash-guard from an applicable government facility to fully monitor all conversations, in addition to providing the student and a public servant for discussion. Stop."

Maven stopped reading.

"That policy was written in the 1890s. The guard clause was repealed in the 1950s. We use other methods now. Let me continue.
The chances are high that your student is complaining about corporal punishment. Corporal punishment in TurtleShroom has been performed on ALL creatures in ALL levels of education since the founding of this nation, to the point of being protected in our Constitution. Stop.
Corporal punishment is performed in private, by a high-ranking administrator or principal, before two witnesses. Stop.
In primary and secondary education, students are given an opt-out form at the beginning of each grade. Parents may choose to file it and begin the anti-paddling procedures neccesary to exclude their offspring from the paddling process. It must be re-applied every year. Stop.
In tertiary education, and when dealing students considered above the age of majority of their species, the student is presented the opt-out form one time, and one time only, when they first enroll in a tertiary institution. They must fill it out and return it within three days to exempt themselves. Failure to do presumed consent, and paddling will continue. The form can not be asked for again. Stop.
The Holy Republic does not enjoy whining about students. In TurtleShroom, students are in the custody of the school and do not enjoy the rights of those outside of the school. This enables the most effective and speedy education possible, and, in universities, prevents students from becoming distractions to higher learning by protesting, forming anti-establishment clubs, and complaining about affairs not relevant to their learning. Stop.
You should have read the fine print before enrolling your offspring in a TurtleShroom school. Stop.
This telegram was written by the Headmaster of Domestic Affairs, on authorization of an Act of Congress pertaining to the regulation and dismissal of complaints and the false sins of "student rights" and "youth empowerment". This telegram has the force of law unless repealed by another Act of Congress.
Enacted this Fourth Day of June, in the Year of Our Loard Eighteen Eighty Nine.

Maven finished reading.

"-and that's the telegram. Your envoy can come, but I cain't make ANY promises other than that no physical intimidation, violence, or other acts of aggression of any kind will occur. I can promise the meeting will be open and subject to all anti-corruption laws, and that the student will be permitted to speak his or her mind, exempt from usual anti-cursing and public indecency laws. The matters discussed are sealed and classified, not to be opened except in a criminal investigation, and are treated with the sacred secrecy of a psychiatrist and their paitient. All data collected follow the same rules."

Maven gave Colleen the address the envoy would convene in, what time to go, and everything.

"Make sure you enter that building on time, or the talks won't occur. MOE is very strict about that."

"All right."


“Got more questions? I’m honored ta help.”

Fourth: we haven’t actually sent a formal ambassador over. We are going to do that, it’s been in the works. We’ll have someone over unless you disagree in a jiffy to pick out a property. I’d like to know what your advice would be on that—would you suggest part of an office tower or something or a good sized house or houses? We’re looking at probably the standard roughly staff of 36 or so. I’m emailing you the stats on the ambassador, and are there any concerns you have?

“Well, you’re talkin’ to the right turtle! It’s normally against TurtleShroomian tradition to set up an embassy. We usually just deal directly with the nation without any embassies, but we have, in the past, made extreme exceptions. Considerin’ our common moral fibers and close proximity, I’d be glad to make an exception and call your folks on down here. I’ll begin the papuh-work immediately.”

He paused.

“Oh, there’s one problem. Eminent Domain in TurtleShroom cain’t happen ‘less it’s fer ‘The Public Good’. Remember what I said my people think’a diplomacy? Well, that’s the problem. We cain’t eminent domain anything. We have to BUY it like any private sectuh. We ain’t accustomed ‘ta havin’ embassies that big, either! When we create embassies, we send ten folks at most, normally three or four. Remember what I said ‘bout buyin’ the motel? If we began our embassy applications, it’d be all we need.”

Maven then remembered a final note.

“Oh! You’ll haveta fax it or send it by telegram or by messenger. There ain’t E-mail in this country.”

“Oh, sure. I actually did fax it.”

“Ya did?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’d have it ‘round here the- OH. Ya do have it.”

New Edomite Embassy Information
Ambassador: Luachair Dedad (42)
Ambassador’s Family: Emily Dedad (38, wife, biologist) Daniel Dedad (8) Kevin Dedad (6)

Ambassador’s Bio: Luchair Dedad is a New Edomite Elwe, educated initially at Liosliath College and then at Fineberg University, majoring in economics and political science. He served in the Provincial Police in Raith Immel Province, attaining the rank of Inspector in the Investigative Bureau before retiring and entering politics. He was a member of the National Legislature for 8 years and recently retired from it, acting as a Charge d’Affaires for Princess Saxon Shalmaneser during her time as Ambassador to Royal Calathonia.

Embassy Staff: 10
Embassy Employees: 8
Embassy Security: 8 (armed with Makarov Pistols, tasers, plus ceremonial halberds and swords available.)
Embassy Vehicles: 2 SUVs, 1 Rolls-Royce

Reading it over, Maven responded.

“There ain’t no problems with these applicants, ma’am. However, they will haveta except the TurtleShroomian terms and conditions, and will be expected to remain drug free, chaste except for their spouse or spouses, and in obedience to all TurtleShroom laws and customs. We reserve the right to expel any diplomat at any time, and there ain’t any fancy ‘diplomatic immunity’ in TurtleShroom. We will always cover your amabssador’s electricity, phone, and power bills, and will partially subsidize the food ‘n groceries. We will add to your ensamble an entourage of six TurtleShroomian elite bodyguards, as we do for all ambassadors, to further protect you. Yer weapons are all clear, and provided you can fasten your nation’s flags on the car hoods and get the special license plate, ya’ll are allowed to park anywhere. We’ll contact you back when we have purchased a buildin’ fer your people. Oh, and they cain't have a criminal record.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Shoot, don’t mention it. It’s a ple-zuh to aid someone like yerself. I hope you have a glorious day, and may yer nation be successful, yer harvests abundant, yer peace eternal, and may the Lord Almigthy pour out His blessings on the great sovereign realm of… uh…”

Maven looked at his records.

“The great realm of New Edom! Thank you for callin’. Please, feel free to contact me by this numbuh.” Maven told Colleen the number. “Don’t share it, though. Don’t want folks I don’t trust callin’ me when they usually get themselves the normal red tape. Any friend-a Paul is a friend-a mine. God bless you and your country, and thank ya’ll for callin’.”

“You’re welcome. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye!”

They hung up.

[TurtleShroom]

{OOC: After some good dialog with the Labor guy, we can end the day at the university and get to the part with Lottie outside of the school. She'll meet a few locals, maybe go somewhere: I'm thinking a Casino. She'll meet her boyfriend there, they'll do stuff at the casino, and then they'll report back to their dormintory and fornicate... which will set the story into motion the next morning. DO NOT DESCRIBE THE FORNICATION.}


Twice did the cacophony of bells ring in the belltowers of Jonesboro University, signalling two periods had passed. It was finally time for Vince, Lottie, and Liastan to visit a representative from the Board of Labor Purity.

By now, Lottie had been given a loose, grey robe to "preserve her modesty". She reluctantly accepted it, not wanting to bias whoever they were talking to.
The fabric was soft, but the robe was a size too big for her and pooled around her ankles. The sleeves had the same problem, extending past her fingers. While they had her size, the school chose to give her this as a punishment, instead. Grey robes were given to anyone that broke the dress code, as a form of public shaming. They could change into compliant clothes, apply for a free school uniform if they couldn't afford one (AKA were on a poor man's loan), or keep the robe for the next month, after which they'd have to pay a fee every two months.


They went to the back of the school and outside into the back lots of the campus. There, a school trailer was parked outside, with a large flagpole flying the Flag of TurtleShroom on it. The trailer was significantly older and less maintained that the other trailers. On the door was a sheet of paper, with the logo/seal of the Board of Labor Purity taped on it.

{Image coming soon.}


Lottie knocked on the door, but after no response, realized it was unlocked, and they entered. The trailer was small and dusty. A naked bulb was suspended from the ceiling, giving the small space some light, as did the window. The wiring for said light was visible, and an antiquated MS-DOS computer console, black screen with green text, was hastily put together in the back. An oaken desk, faded with age and sunlight, sat in front of the window.

Basking in the sunlight and on top of the desk was a turtle, his head and limbs pulled into his shell. His shell had a red ribbon adoring in, and the nametag pasted on his shell read "BOB, DLP". Like most sentient TS turtles, he was pretty much a supersized version of any variety of normal turtles. This one was a redfoot tortoise.

Vincent quietly walked over and tapped the turtle.

"Sir? Ve are here to ask some questions vabout labor."

The turtle pulled out of his shell and looked to the group.

"Hmm? Oh. Sure. Please, sit down and ask whatever you want. We here at the Department of Labor Purity are dedicated to helping the working creature against their employer, to aid in their negotiation of contracts and to help get them better benefits. We are NOT, I repeat, ARE NOT, in any way, a victim of regulatory capture."

He smiled warmly.

"My name is Bob. You are to simply call me Bob, please. It's not very often that any of us get customers. SO. Ya got a beef with an employer? Or, do you want us to help you find an open job for someone your age and assist in the negotiation process? OR, do ya have questions?"