Bozepoline Surrender to Gynostan (closed, IC)

[Bozepolis]

“And here is our next issue, Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said.

The Issue
Scientists have announced they are close to a breakthrough in their quest to revive the feather-bellied turtle, a species related to Bozepolis' national animal that has been extinct for more than a century.
The Debate
1. "I, for one, applaud their work," says scientist Pip Hanover. "And not just because I'm the project leader. This is an example of how Bozepolis' brains can mix it with the world's best. Can you imagine how wonderful it will be to have feather-bellied turtles frolicking in the meadows again? I say full steam ahead, and more government funding!"
2. "This is a sacrilege!" says religious leader Steven Jones. "These animals are extinct because God wants them dead. Cloning them would merely incur his wrath! If we proceed down this path, it'll be humans, not the feather-bellied turtle, who will be extinct."
3. "Now, come on," says Colin Thiesen, well-known philosopher. "You don't need to be religious to be unnerved by the top of this particular slippery slope. Today it's turtles, tomorrow it's dinosaurs, and we all know how that turns out. This research shouldn't be banned, but there must be strict government controls over its use."

“Honestly, I don’t know how we would have ruled on this before you arrived, Goddess Stalarina,” Enrikas said. “We liked science, but we were adamantly opposed to investing taxpayer money in research that didn’t have a clear economic benefit. I think we would have probably just dismissed it.
“But now that you’re here, Goddess Stalarina, we’re not so encumbered. We don’t have to worry about what’s best for the Bozepoline people, only what’s best for Goddess Stalarina. So please, tell me, Goddess Stalarina. What’s best for you?”

[Gynostan]

"Excellent news, excellent news. More money will of course need to be devoted to other areas of Bozepolis, most especially Law and order, but this will wait until another issue" Stalarina, now with her boots back on began marching out from the room beckoning the others to follow.

"Enrikas! Show me the finest rooms of this palace! And as for the issue you have presented me, I want you to choose option number 2. He is right to assert that the cloning of this creature is sacrilege. However he also is worshipping a different god or Goddess as it is in this case. I want you Mindaugas to find this Steven Jones and re-educate him as to the one true Goddess of Bozepolis!"

[Bozepolis]

"He is worshipping a different god or Goddess as it is in this case. I want you Mindaugas to find this Steven Jones and re-educate him as to the one true Goddess of Bozepolis!"

“Right away, Goddess Stalarina!” the law and order chairman said, leaving to find the heretic.

[Bozepolis]

"As for the issue you have presented me, I want you to choose option number 2. He is right to assert that the cloning of this creature is sacrilege."

“As for the results of the last law you passed, halting all genetic research...” Chairperson Enrikas began. “Well, actually, it seems that it had no measurable effect on Bozepolis’ society or economy. But, hey! No news is good news, right?”

[Bozepolis]

“And here is our next issue, Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said. “It is undoubtedly the most important we’ve faced since you first rescued us from anarchy.”

The Issue
The recent change in government has sparked the fires of some passionate politicians. After reviewing the back-log of constituent complaints, they've come to your desk demanding welfare reform.
The Debate
1. "The process ought to be made easier," says Inga Matthews, picking the grime out of her dirty fingernails. "It's so difficult convincing welfare administrators that I am actually a poor, helpless vagrant on the brink of homelessness! When you finally do, you get tangled up in all the red tape, and you're lucky to see a dime. The government should just trust my word and fork over the dollars I need to survive."
2. "The current system is not very efficient, I'll admit," says Fleur Steele, a local welfare administrator and esteemed bureaucrat. "But we can't trust these bums to manage their welfare aid. How are we supposed to help them help themselves if they waste their benefits on things like trashy clothes and cheap alcohol? We need more authority over how the aid is spent, it's the only way we can be assured that it is used responsibly."
3. "Get the free-loaders off the government teat!" shouts conservative activist, Thomas Johnson. "The free-market system says that those who work hard will succeed. If these so-called 'needy people' would roll their sleeves up, lift a finger, and earn an honest living, we wouldn't be bankrupting our country helping them! The only sensible solution is to abolish all welfare programs, and let the natural, capitalist process take place."
4. "He has a point," says popular political pundit Beth Love. "There are a lot of people in the system, and some of them don't really need to be there. The government should be finding these people jobs, so that our welfare system can survive and meet the needs of the truly impoverished. Of course, we're going to have to spend a few dollars to achieve this goal. But, what's a little tax hike if it means saving our dying welfare programs and the people who depend on them?"
5. "Capitalism is the very reason why we need welfare in the first place. Laissez-faire policies would only make the problem worse," argues political activist Alexei Bush. "If the government would ensure that all employers pay their employees the amount they need to live – no more, no less – then the problem of providing for the poor would disappear."

“On this critical issue, there is no doubt that, before you showed up, Goddess Stalarina, we would have picked the conservative activist Johnson’s solution, dismantling all welfare programs for the sake of prosperity.
“But you’re here now, Goddess Stalarina. And you’ve already made Bozepolis so much of a greater place. Please continue to do so by deciding for us just which of these options is best for you.”

[Bozepolis]

"Enrikas! Show me the finest rooms of this palace!"

“Of course! Onto your tour, Goddess Stalarina,” Enrikas said.
After walking through the lower vestibule, the chairperson led his ruler to one of the finest rooms in the west section of the Presidential Palace’s Stalarina Palace’s north wing.
“First, the Strawberry Parlor...

Strawberry Parlor (The picture is too big to embed.)

“In the 18th and 19th Centuries, these were the living quarters of the palace’s owners, and until the 1980s, they were guest quarters. The paintings and furniture were designed by some of the most renowned artists in Bozepoline history.”

[Gynostan]

"This is a very fine room, I shall make this room part of my quarters for my stay in Bozepolis!" Before they could Stalarina continued "However all of these paintings are a reminder of the corrupt past of Bozepolis, they must be replaced by paintings more suited to the revolution. Paintings of me, your Goddess. When Mindaugas returns I shall have this dealt with. Now on to the real business: The issue at hand. Alexei Bush is correct to say that the problem is capitalism, from this day forward employers will pay their employees no more and no less what they need to live and stay devoted to me. Option 5 will be enacted at once!"

[Bozepolis]

Chairman Mindaugas then returned with the religious leader Steven Jones who had recently advised halting genetic research.
“Goddess!” he exclaimed. Then he threw himself at Stalarina’s feet and began kissing her boots. Between kisses, he continued.
“I’m so sorry, Goddess Stalarina. I know you told me to re-educate him into accepting you as Goddess, but I couldn’t. I just didn’t know how. I was going to kill him for you, but I decided to bring him here to give you the chance to make an example of him yourself.”
Stalarina looked at Jones.
“I appreciate you for banning that sacrilegious genetic experimentation, Stalarina, but my appreciation ends there,” the religious leader said. “It’s one thing for you to usurp temporal authority over this country, but when you try to usurp the authority of God, you will bring a reckoning upon yourself, your own country and, unless this government changes its ways, ours.”

[Bozepolis]

"This is a very fine room, I shall make this room part of my quarters for my stay in Bozepolis!" Before they could Stalarina continued "However all of these paintings are a reminder of the corrupt past of Bozepolis, they must be replaced by paintings more suited to the revolution. Paintings of me, your Goddess. When Mindaugas returns I shall have this dealt with."

“How do you want me to deal with it, Goddess?” Mindaugas asked.

[Bozepolis]

"Alexei Bush is correct to say that the problem is capitalism, from this day forward employers will pay their employees no more and no less what they need to live and stay devoted to me. Option 5 will be enacted at once!"

“And here are the impacts of your new policy of ‘from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget,’ Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said.
“The average income tax rate rose from 14 to 16 percent, and the percentage of Bozepolines employed in the public sector rose from 15 to 17 percent. But those aren’t bad things at all, are they, Goddess? Especially since crime went down from ‘a problem’ to ‘moderate.’ And considering that, very recently, duly-authorized law enforcement agencies had less authority than biker gangs, we have made remarkable progress, all thanks to you, Goddess!
“Additionally, deaths from old age rose from 32 to 36 percent of the total, and deaths from heart disease dropped from 36 to 32 percent. In other words, because of your policy, Goddess Stalarina, people are living longer and healthier lives. Furthermore, the murder rate also dropped more than 10 percent, from 9 to 8 percent of the total.
“Lastly, our economy dropped from ‘thriving’ (82) to ‘very good’ (79), but again, just like the recent tiny drop in civil right, I don’t see what the big deal is. And apparently the World Assembly agrees, because they didn’t even reclassify us like they did last time.
“So all in all, ensuring that all of Bozepolis’ employers pay their employees the exact amount they need to live – no more, no less – was another perfect decision from our perfect political leader and Goddess!
“All hail Stalarina!”

[Bozepolis]

“And here is our next issue, Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said.

The Issue
The conservative Northern-based parents group of "Housewives and Convicts for a Safer Bozepolis" has put forward a memorandum to ban skateboarding in public.
The Debate
1. "Skateboarding is a menace to pedestrians and road users," says activist Klaus Winters. "Not to mention the astronomical number of skateboarding-related injuries - hundreds of children flood the emergency rooms of Bozepolis as a result of skateboarding every year, which is costly to the taxpayers. Keep our streets safe and save a little cash at the same time. Hell, you could make even more money by ticketing those who violate this law."
2. "Ticketing children for getting out of the house and exercising?" asks Steven Dredd, a school teacher, in disbelief. "That's outrageous! It's true that skateboarding can be dangerous but so is walking down the stairs! You want to ban that too?! What we should do is pass laws requiring safety equipment for skaters - if we allocate a little bit of the taxpayers' money to the cause, we can build a skate park that will keep our children safe and away from others on the road too."
3. "Yo, dude, I've got a better idea," says Jazz Falopian while executing a complicated 360° spin over your head. "What if skateboarding was the only way to get around? Wouldn't that be cool? Skateboarding is cheap, healthy, and fun! Everyone should do it! You could improve, like, the quality of life for everyone by banning vehicles and making skateboarding the only legal way to travel. People'd love you for it, man. Well, apart from the guys who make cars and the like, I guess."

“This is another one that would have been an easy decision for us to make before you got here, Goddess Stalarina,” Enrikas said. “We would have dismissed it. We would never have taken away people’s right to skateboard or forced them to wear safety equipment, but at the same time, we would never have thrown taxpayer dollars at something so unproductive.
“But that’s the thinking that raised our civil rights and economy to excessive and frightening levels and led us into anarchy in the first place, Goddess. We are so lucky to have you here to tell us what to do on issues like this, Goddess.
“So please, tell us, with regards to skateboarding, what’s best for Goddess Stalarina?”

[Gynostan]

"Mindaugas! You have done well in bringing him to me! If you had managed to convert him it would have been even better, but no matter I know just what to do. Bring him to the holding cell where I shall deal with him later. When you return I want you to have some of your people remove these paintings and replace them with my pictures. I shall have my own Womyn print some copies"

Steven Jones quietly engaged in fervent prayer as he was dragged away.

"Excellent news for Bozepolis, as you can see my efforts are finally bringing more order and stability, already crime is reducing, longer lives are being lived and so much more will be done. As for the next issue, skateboarders are indeed a menace to Bozepolis and the government must raise additional money for its programs, so select option 1 and have skateboards banned and violators fined"

"Now, assuming that my portraits will be placed in this room it is time I go to the holding cell and meet this Steven Jones"

[Bozepolis]

"As for the next issue, skateboarders are indeed a menace to Bozepolis and the government must raise additional money for its programs, so have skateboards banned and violators fined."

“Great idea on making skateboarding punishable by heavy fines, Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said. “And here are the results.
“There was some reassigning of budget priorities. Arty, why don’t you go ahead.”
“Eddy-cay-shun funding went... DOWN... from 35 to 33 percents,” Vincentas said, looking at Enrikas while he spoke to make sure his math was correct. “Wait a minute... isn’t that bad?”
“It’s fine, Arty,” Enrikas said. “Go ahead, Villy.”
“Social equality funding dropped from 26 to 24 percent,” Visvaldas said. Then he reluctantly added, “Goddess... Stalar-ina...”
“Thanks, Villy. Now my turn, I guess...”
“Administrative costs went down from 13 to 12 percent of the budget, and industry and commerce stayed steady at 3
“All right, Justin, go ahead.”
“Thanks to you, Goddess Stalarina, law and order funding rose from 23 to 27 percent of the budget,” Mindaugas said, still kissing Stalarina’s boots. “Back up to its all-time high. Thank you so much, Goddess.”
“Thank you, Justin,” Enrikas said.
“And one more thing, perhaps best of all, Goddess Stalarina,” Enrikas added. “The murder rate declined by 25 percent, from 8 to 6 percent of all deaths in Bozepolis. I could never have accomplished that, none of us could have. It takes a ruler of your unequaled perfection to identify the connection between skateboarding and murder and take the proper action.
“We can never thank you enough, Goddess.”

[Bozepolis]

"Mindaugas! I want you to have some of your people remove these paintings and replace them with my pictures."

“Of course, Goddess Stalarina,” Mindaugas said. “As long as I’m your second in command, there will be no observation of Bozepoline cultural history, only reverence for our Goddess.
And here’s the picture now, Goddess Stalarina.”

Official portrait of Supreme Party Chairwomyn Stalarina of Gynostan, or, as she’s known in Bozepolis, Goddess. (image too wide to embed)

As soon as the portrait was up, Mindaugas went right back to kissing Stalarina’s
“Thank you so much for giving us this portrait of you, Goddess. We swear to never forget just who is in charge in what is now your country.”

[Bozepolis]

"Now, assuming that my portraits will be placed in this room it is time I go to the holding cell and meet this Steven Jones"

“You might as well kill me,” Jones said to Stalarina from within the holding cell. “No matter what you do, you’re not going to get me to abandon my faith.”

[Bozepolis]

“And here is our next issue, Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said.

The Issue
A group of several thousand hailing from a remote, isolated corner of Bozepolis is staging a massive demonstration on the front steps of your capitol. They demand that their local dialect be recognized as an official language.
The Debate
1. Jazz Jefferson, your Chairman of Culture, has nothing but disdain for the demonstrators. "The Bozepoline language is as important to our national identity as our history is. A truly erudite individual uses perfect grammar and refuses to speak as those ruffians do." Your Finance Chairman is quick to chime in as well, "If business is required to print every road sign, instruction manual, and fast-food wrapper in two languages, it would increase everybody's overhead. That means higher prices for the person in the street."
2. "Smarker, but ee's gone blongie 'round the clonger! Trandy in the blang warked a newtie on the Cheebers, quaff me a duggle if it's brine. Sorky, hang our trandy high!" says Tobias Wall, speaking for the demonstrators, in an apparently rousing response that draws a cascade of cheers. After a few uncomfortable minutes with a professional translator, you learn the speaker said, "I respectfully disagree with the minister. Multilingualism has brought stability to richly-cultured nations such as Brancaland; indeed, I challenge you to provide a single counterexample. I encourage this government to adopt a policy of multilingualism throughout Bozepolis!"
3. Thomas Trax, a radical opposition member who seems to tag along to every demonstration he can find, has his own proposal. "The language barrier is keeping us all apart. What Bozepolis needs is a new identity defined by a new language that we can all agree on. That's unity without favoritism."

“Before you arrived, Goddess Stalarina, to make a decision like this, we would have had to determine what was the priority between liberty or prosperity at the time. In the present situation, since liberty is lower right now, we probably would have picked the demonstrator Tobias Wall’s suggestion and gone multilingual.
“But, like I’ve said many times, it’s holding those type of priorities that led us to anarchy, Goddess. And that’s why we’re so glad to have you here to tell us what to do.
“So what should we do, Goddess? That is, what’s best for you?”

[Gynostan]

"Excellent! Most excellent. My visage is captured perfectly in these portraits! Now, as for the issue, select the third option. All of Bozepolis must learn a new language to worship their Goddess as the people of Gynostan have. The new funding from the skateboard ban should cover the cost of educating the populace in the new language"

Stalarina approached Steven Jones, who was now tied to a chair with his hands tied behind his back

"Now Steven Jones, tell me what you believe"

[Bozepolis]

"As for the issue, select the third option. All of Bozepolis must learn a new language to worship their Goddess as the people of Gynostan have. The new funding from the skateboard ban should cover the cost of educating the populace in the new language"

“Again, the perfect decision from our perfect ruler,” Chairperson Enrikas said. “I learned a little bit about the principle of linguistic relativity, also known as the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, when I was at the University of Bozepolis, and the principle states that our language determines our way of thinking. So making a new language, one that makes the divinity and perfection of Goddess Stalarina unequivocally clear, would go a long way in helping Bozepolis.
“And, of course, the budgetary impacts of the new law were beneficial as well. Villy, why don’t you start? Aren’t you glad about what Goddess Stalarina did for your department?”
“Social equality funding rose from 24 back to 26 percent of the budget, and yes, that’s good, and yes, I’m glad,” Visvaldas said. “However, I remind you, Luke, my department’s funding was 32 percent before she came here.”
“Now is not the time, Villy!” Enrikas snapped. “Arty, your turn.”
“Eddy-ma-cay-shun funding went... it went... UP! It went UP from 33 to 34 percent, Gaudy-Strina,” Vincentas said. “And that’s the lowest... No! That’s the highest it’s ever been. Thank you, Gaudies!”
“Thank you, Arty,” Enrikas said. “I’ll go next...
“More good news, administrative costs fell from 12 to 11 percent of the budget, and industry and commerce is still steady at 3 percent.
“And lastly, Justin.”
“It was necessary to take a little from the law and order budget, Goddess,” Mindaugas said, looking up from kissing Stalarina’s boots. “Law and order funding went down from 27 to 26 percent of the budget. But that’s fine! If you think it’s necessary to cut from my department, or to cut from me, then I know you’re right, Goddess.”
Mindaugas the picked up kissing Stalarina’s where he left off.
“Um, thanks, Justin,” Enrikas said.
“A couple more things,” the chairperson continued. “Public Sector employment rose from 17 to 18 percent of the Bozepoline population, and civil rights declined from 72 to 69. But the World Assembly still says Bozepolis’ civil rights are ‘excellent,’ so I don’t see what the big deal is, Goddess.
“Anyway, again, whatever negative impacts the law had were negligible. All in all, it was another major victory that the people of Bozepolis owe all to our Goddess, Stalarina! Thank you once again, Goddess!”

[Bozepolis]

“And here is our next issue, Goddess Stalarina,” Chairperson Enrikas said.

The Issue
After waning sales, the well-established soda company 'Eckie-Ecola' has appealed to the government for the right to use powerful mind-altering drugs in their products.
The Debate
1. "It'll be great," says Calvin Johnson, the CEO of Eckie-Ecola. "Nice 'n' happy floating feelings all in a can, and all for just one dollar! It's not the healthiest drink I admit, but what people want to do with their bodies is their own business. If you ban this beverage, you're only denying the citizens of their right to be exposed to the true hallucenogenic experience!"
2. "This can't go ahead," argues Melbourne Wong, a nurse at one of Bozepolis' hospitals. "Drugs are, and always will be, one of the greatest threats to the nation's physical and mental health! My job's hard enough as it is without having the wards overrun by patients who were stupid enough to drink the damned stuff. The distribution of drugs must be strictly controlled by the government and kept for medicinal uses."
3. "If you ask me," says Fleur Falopian, from behind a cloud of smoke. "We should just let everyone have drugs for free! If the government legalized and subsidized all these 'bad' drugs and gave 'em out to everyone, all our problems would be solved! There'd be no more drug traffickers, or thugs robbing old ladies to feed their addictions! 'Course there'd be a bit of a detrimental effect healthwise and to the drug industries, but the beauty of it all is that everyone will be too doped up to care!"

“This would have been a no-brainer for us before you arrived, Goddess,” the chairperson said. “The CEO Johnson’s proposal to market this drink would help both liberty and prosperity. But, like I’ve said before, that’s the thought process that led us into anarchy and required us to turn to you in the first place.
“So, once again, I ask, which option is best for Stalarina? Which option is best for Gynostan? Which option is best for Bozepolis? Because, as we all know by now, those three things are one in the same.”

[Gynostan]

Stalarina listened to this new issue intently and when he finished she frowned "Mind altering drugs? Absolutely not! Hallucenogenic drugs are a capitalist scourge upon everyone. The only drugs permitted must be controlled by your Goddess. Select option two and find who this Calvin Johnson, of Eckie Ecola is and have him executed for his defiance!"