Lebanon, New Hampshire
February 10, 1968
The town movie theatre had been rented for the sixty year old Simpson's speech. The doors were left-wide open as staff members dressed in brightly colored and striped uniforms popped large tubs of pop-corn, made sure Coca-Cola was stocked plentifully for the army of hungry and thirsty citizens that would wander in. A 60-40 profit sharing deal was reached with the proprietor of the Theater. A pair of eyes peeked out from the curtains before retreating backstage. The owner of such a pair of eyes nervously ran his hands through his hair, pacing back and forth behind the curtain while mumbling to himself.
"Abe! You're on in one! I can't hold 'em off for much longer." The owner of the theater responded, to which Simpson nodded his head and shooed him away with a motion of his hand.
"Right, right. Go Away, pleas-se. I need some thinking room."
Simpson was left alone according to his wishes, leaving him to collect his thoughts and march through them.
"Abe, are you sure you can do this?"
"Do this? Shit. I know I can do this. If any man's got the gumption to do something, I say let them do it, and see where their cards fall."
"What if you slip up- what if you make a mistake?"
"Are you, my brain, expecting me to be picture-perfect? That's impossible. I'm going to slip up on ocassion."
"Let's just hope no microphones are near-by, and be nice to the press."
"When am I not nice to the press?"
"Do you want me to list examples?"
"Uh...no, brain, no need to. I'll keep s'all-all smiles you hear?"
"Ugh...fine. But one screw-up and I'm going to motion your campaign manager to pull you off the stage with a hook."
"I'll gladly take that bet, but what would I be betting?"
"I've got a dollar in my pocket. Speak clearly and it's yours."
"But...that's MY dollar."
"Of course it's your dollar, you've been talking to yourself for fifty-eight seconds."
"Wait, that mean-"
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF LEBANON, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE MAN WITH A PLAN, THE DUDE WITH A MOOD, THE MINISTER OF BIN-ISTERS... I CAN'T THINK OF ANOTHER RHYME, JUST ENJOY THIS SPEECH, KEEP YOUR QUESTIONS UNTIL THE END, THEN YOU'LL ENJOY YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION: PSCYCHO, BY ALFRED BITCHCOCK!"
A large auditory assault of polite sounding applause filled the movie theatre as Abraham S. Simpson hesitantly stepped out from behind the curtains. He was dressed in a grey colored suit this time, blending in with his equally greyed hairs on his face.
"Uh..Thhh-Thank you very much for the honor, Lebanon, New Hampshire! As I'm sure some of you know who I am, I will address my background briefly. I am a Massachusetts man. Always have been, and I always will be until I draw in my last breath on this earth and go off to see Mary.
I am proud to state that my own alma-mater was the Young Men's Christian Academy. I incurred a significant amount of debt doing this, and decided to attempt to pay it off slowly. Following this good news, I decided to attempt to open up my own Gn Store, I called it "Shooter Simpsons". Unfortunately folks, I got the worst t-timing, as three- no...two years later.. yes... two years later, you know what happened? Black Thursday happened and I was out of business.
I took this as a personal message from the big family upstairs you see? I am an ardent praying man. I pray every-single day of my life. I will have you all know that I served two successful stints as Mayor of my native Springfield, Massachusetts. It is the second tenure I am most proud of. Do you know how I helped out? While other figures were off fighting in the suns of Africa, the jungles of Burma or the brimy depths of the Atlantic Ocean, I was back in my native town making sure Lend-Lease would be operating smoothly. You cannot lend to your allies if you have nothing to lend them, now can you? Y-Nope.
During my tenure as Mayor of Springfield, our Arsenal, the Springfield Arsenal was the largest employer of jobs in my town. It produced rifles and guns our boys in green needed to fight Hitler, Tojo and Mussolini all at the same time! I can assure you that I did not simply sit idly by while Hiler-Hitler rampaged across Europe, I organized yearly 'American Victory Parades' every fourth of July, I bought war-bonds to help out the war effort, and I garnered an efficient role whilst in my home town.
Following this, I entered into local politics, which I won't bore you with what committees or what else I did, but I will proudly state this. As Senator of Massachusetts, I helped shepherd along the Civil Rights Act of 1964. I saw the ills that racism causes in certain states of this union, with life-threating consequences. I do not believe you should belittle your fellow man just because of a certain skin-color he is. I don't belive in all that McCarthy nonsense, not even from the very begining!
However, don't twist my words and say I'm anti-American or a flag burning, dope-taking hippie. I love this country, but I believe you should have more of a loyalty to your community or society than to these United States. I am not advocating treasonous activities such as succession, don't twist my words around and knife them. As for the ongoing War in Indochina, I am quite pleased to announce that I have introduced legislation that will bring the war powers back to Congress's hands, and not in the hands of the executive dictator that we currently have in charge. It shall enable the American people to get a nice..long rest in terms of worrying about what goes on outside of the American continent. That is the best news so far.
Apart from that, I also am a champion of the poor in this conflict. The poor, grieving families that have simply lost too much. Washington insiders and their lot claim that all this bloodshed is necessary for a free and stable 'Vietnam'. I'm not disputing the overall goal here, which is to rid them of communism. However, If you take a look at our so-called allies, are any of these actions undertaken by the South Vietnamese government true icons of freedom or liberty?:
Holding rigged elections
Persecuting religious minorities
Not granting fair or free trails to those that think differently from the Saigon government
Their government is not free or fair. It isn't even coming close to the more light definitions of a 'state-in-construction' or something along those lines. Can we really say we support 'Democracy' when our South Vietnamese cannot handle themselves and has failed as a nation-state? If we are holding up to our values, the answer MUST be a NO. We cannot and will not be able to root out their extereme poverty and corruption, which are internal factors that no amount of soldiers can solve. No amount of U.S. Money wasted in the accountants and ledgers of South Kor-I mean South Vietnamese politicians and beaurecrats can fix our efforts there. We may have failed utterly at building a stable nation-state that can stand up to Vietnamese aggression from Hanoi.
However, we must look to our own nation once we have firmly implemented solutions that shall fix our woes overseas. In spite of repeated attempts, the Southern rebels and states are still firmly against implementing that which should have come back in 1876! We have a Klan which terrorizes thousands of people and murders hundreds of people of all stripes and walks of life! The only reason there are white people going missing down south or being...horrifically hung, are because they are brave allies of the negro. The Negro is suffering down there. I want to make sure that we live up to (Not-MLK)'s vision of a nation where the "black and white and live side-by-side in peace and harmony." THAT is my goal.
Some people may call us 'radical'. This is never a radical cause propped up by left-wing lunatics. It is a cause brought forth by those people with morality. By the every-day person who's sick of hearing of Vietnam. By those people with love in their hearts. By those people that want to see all races live in inner-peace with one another. I believe that America can be a better place. That is my main message I want you all to get out of this, even if the movie sucks and you'll forget I was here anyways...
The other side has a well-to-be man in charge of ruining everything he touches. The man has never set foot in a Washington Office, nor has he put the liveli-hoods of his own people above his bottom line. I would say that Good citizens do not need to be told to 'abide-by the laws'. They already do such actions without thinking. It's like me eating a sandwich or breathing. While, true the man was responsible for the rebuilding of Japan. That was Japan. It is no where close to the complexity of these United States. It's culture is so far-removed from that of sensible American ideas that I would be surprised that, if my opponent wins, then we shall all have to learn Japanese and learn about the Kouratai.
My opponent is a danger to the constitution, the American people and the American way of life. I want to preserve a stable and peaceful world order, always mindful of threats to our people and our Hamiltonian tendencies in government. We must ensure that the world for the negro and the white man is on an even playing field. We've done that with the Civil Rights Act, and we musn't get complacent. Complacency is what led to the downfall of Rome. Complacency is what led to black codes down south that disenfranchised millions and set up a new plantation system of prison laborers down there. This is why you mustn't support my opponent, and support me instead.
Thank you, god bless all of you, I'll be happy to have my stuttering idiot take your questions now, unless you want to get back to your feature presentation..."
