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Announcement of the Partido Salvación Nacional
Suddenly the logo cuts to the cuts to a long table, two military officers dressed in dark uniforms, sitting on opposite ends while a single empty spot lies in the middle. Carbania's flag lies on one side of the room in the background while the table is draped in a cover sheet, the symbol of a multi-orange colored hawk with a blue circle in the middle adorns the front of the table. Soon enough enters a tall and bulky man of tanned skin and a face filled with fading scars of war, his head adorned by a cap embellished with the same hawk symbol at the middle, he sits down at which point the officer on his right gets a hold of a small recording device and lifts it only a meter or so from the man's face, this man is Colonel Mariano Arturo "El Halcón" Cabrera, a man who had remained out of the public spotlight for about 3 years, he composes himself and gives nods to the two men besides him before he clears his throat and speaks, his eyes directed firmly at the camera.
"Good evening my compatriots, sons and daughters of Carbania, some of you know me and some of you do not. My name is Mariano Arturo Cabrera, I have served Carbania for decades in order to defend the common people from threats both foreign and domestic and today I announce my intention to continue that duty. Ever since the death of the dictator Mendes I have kept myself hidden from the public sphere due to the elite's fears that I would incite some kind of cracks within the armed forces and bring upon another regime by methods of the guns, believe me my fellow Carbanians that I have no such intentions, if I were to achieve any kind of change in this here country I will do so by means of the ballot box. With that said, I'm making the official announcement that me and several other retired officers have formed the Partido Salvación Nacional in the wake of the collapse of the PNPC, a cabal of Academierdas who pretended to want to serve the people but in reality they only wanted to serve themselves and continue a failed system. SaNa is here to take the spot of that failing organization not to continue years of economic stagnation and social policy ineptitudes but to bring upon a new era, an era reminiscent of the days when Carbanians could go out into the streets without fear of car bombings, that their family members could go into the marketplace and not lose an arm and a leg due to criminal terrorists, be in the streets late at night without pandillas robbing you off everything you worked for, afford a good home and food for your family without having to worry about large parasitical corporations taking your job and turning you into a slave to their interests. All of these problems which our government continues to tolerate and now whose political 'candidates' only want to prolong while acting as if they will end them."
"The candidates that are offered to you are nothing but culeros and chanates in the guise of leaders, like Manuel Otero, Culero more like it!" the quick remark earned quite a few chuckles from the unseen audience as well as smirks from the two officers besides Cabrera as he continued, "member of a leftist terrorist group who now has the audacity to show his face and call himself a servant of the people when in fact he's a servant to Osvaldo Tùz, nothing but a little marioneta whose strings he can pull to make him try and appeal to the people of Carbania who fall for his fancy suit and his empty words. He stands in front of his supporters and parlors like a moron, as if he wasn't a part of those very same people that committed the bombings. The same applies to Garcia, he lacks a backbone, un espinasuelta que es, what would he do if he were president, wail down and cry so the chanates ram their hammer and sickles up his culo!" The former paratrooper grew visibly ecstatic as he continued his decry of the candidates, by the looks of it his eyes showed immense discontent with the aforementioned candidates yet he also shared the laughs with his fellow soldiers as the audience was audibly riled up.
All the while the stream viewer count begins to rise from a couple hundred to several thousands, likes, heart and laugh reactions abound as do comments in support of Cabrera.
"And we also have parasitos like Alejandro De La Verga!" he shouted while giving a defamatory gesture which once more earned the laughter of the audience, "and that other one, Constantino, they call him "El Pulpo" when he should be called 'Pelotudo' he looks so emaciated he couldn't even hold his own arms. Both of these tulecos are know it all's who thinks being at fancy foreign colleges and running corporation earn them the right to be presidente. They look down on the hard workers like us, like you watching this stream at this moment!" Cabrera smiles as his audience cheers, he gives a calming motion to the men before he continues on.
"And we have Rabellino 'El Cuatrojos' who can't make difference between a cross and a dildo, Santana isn't even worth mocking, and Yesenia is a brat who came from the States and now basks in glory because she thinks not being a man is good enough to be president, she ought to go back to the states and work for retail or whatever she was doing over there esa locochona!" the room shares a laugh once more before silence ensues once more and Cabrera focuses back on the camera.
"By all means I will be called many names after what I said, I will be slandered and mocked by the media and by my opponents," he sets his arms on the desks and his expression becomes a serious one "but know this, Carbania needs a leader, one with cojones and one who won't be offended by insults and begin crying, we need a leader who will take the bull by the horns and believe me compatriots I have done that many times. I faced death in the eye dozens of times and I continue to stare at it now and will not back down. As I speak our faithful members are now registering for the parliamentary elections taking place soon, we come in late to this celebration of democracy and new direction for Carbania but we come in with huevos and we come in with dedication and commitment to the people like good soldiers. I already submitted my registration to the presidential election and believe me compatriots, nothing less than victory will be achieved!" Cabrera rises from his seat, standing tall as he raises his hand up, "POR CARBANIA!"
His cry is shared by a chorus of servicemen both current and retired who rise from their seats and lift their fists in support, "POR CARBANIA!"
"We go forwards compatriots, we shall march onto the polls, and like soldiers, we seek victory or we seek death!"
A Few Hours Later.
"Fifteen thousand," the voice of Brayan Esqueda said with a monotonous voice while looking into a tablet, sitting within the leather seats of the bulletproofed QX80, sharing the ride with none other than Colonel Cabrera himself who had just exited the Grupo de Veteranos Viranos headquarters building in which he had announced his bid to the presidency. The announcement had been rather, quaint to say the least, Esqueda had hoped the Colonel would've stuck to the script but at this point, he no longer knew what to expect as he looked at the like count grow bigger with each refresh.
"Twenty-five thousand and growing M-, Colonel..." Esqueda knew to avoid addressing the man by a "Mister" otherwise get scolded and fed a long drawn out speech about his time in Mugre Oro, the usual rant about the greatness of battle and how Cabrera was constantly sidestepped from promotions by "Academierdos" had become a typical routine for Esqueda ever since he had accepted the arduous task to become the man's campaign manager. He felt like the man had no chance of winning but 10k a month was good enough for him to devote himself to this fiasco.
"Excellent," Cabrera expressed with his chin up and his lips out, he felt rejuvenated as if he had suddenly lost 20 years and was back in his prime. The sudden rush in emotion back at the talking desk, the cheers by his ever-so-loyal colleagues and now the knowledge that his comeback to the public eye was received with open arms made him feel confident, yet again he had never lacked confidence. He looked at the streets outside, everywhere he turned the walls, billboards, and posts were adorned with the faces of his opponents, he'd spot the odd shredded billboard with the face of the pathetic academierdo Morterero, his weak glance and awkward smile made Cabrera's blood boil with anger as he felt an urge to punch the first person in his sight, unlucky for him the only people around him were his driver, escort, and his campaign manager. He looked at Esqueda, the 20-something-year-old focused on his device, pushing his eyeglasses upwards as they slid down his nose, his well groomed hair and stubble along with his grey armani suit also gave Cabrera a sense of internal disgust which he had to fight to not express. The new generation lacked huevos and Esqueda so far embodied just that, he was expecting the sermon about how this campaign was off to a bad start now that the cat was out of the box.
"So the script didn't really have anything on 'announce your run on april fools day and insult your entire opposition' but I guess you didn't bother reading it, huh?" There it was, Esqueda setting his tablet aside and beginning to talk his usual sarcasm.
"Fortune favors the bold as they say Brayan, if I announced my run next week like you suggested we would've had no momentum for the parlimentary elections. Besides it's more fun this way, the media won't know if this was serious or not which adds to the tension and to the candidates misfortune if they decide to address it or not, either way I win!" Cabrera said with a chuckle, all the while Esqueda rolled his eyes.
"Look Colonel with all the jokes aside, what are the real policies we're pursuing here?" Esqueda said with a more concerned tone, "You spoke a lot yet I didn't truly get a lot of substance out of it..." Esqueda's words caused Cabrera to scoff.
"A good soldier doesn't unveil his entire force to the enemy Brayan, you keep them guessing and you keep them on their toes, you only reveal your main play when you're certain of victory," Cabrera replied as he looked out the window to the streets of the capital, he took a deep breath as he felt exilerated.
"I wan't to replace all those buildboards with Morterero's face, I want something with glory, something that is noticeable and vibrant!"
"So we're going for a panache design for the buildboard?" Esqueda commented, a small smirk hidden within his stubled face, the term was unknwon to Cabrera as he merely nodded.
"Yes, yes, panacha!" He said excitedly.
"I guess we can work that out, we also want to start spreading the pamplets... Guterrez, Torres and Placencio are already trying to do rallies for tomorrow... You want to organize one colonel, make it known this ins't some elaborate prank?" Esqueda said as he went back to the tablet, opening it up and texting several notes.
"Let's do it for Sunday, we start in Plaza Barano!" Cabrera said with a confident declaration.
"That works... You want me to tweet anything?"
Cabrera raised his eyebrows as his mind swirled with a myriad of thoughts before he finally spoke, "Write this..."
Coronel "El Halcon" Cabrera
@ArturoElCabrera
Excited to finally unload all the truths, no hard feelings to the culeros who may feel hurt, it is all fro the good of the nation. Join our meeting on Sunday the 3rd at Plaza Barano for more jokes.
#SaNa#Cabrera#AprilFools
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