Paragon Industries (Comedy, Tech - Dead) - IC

[Barapam]

"Ouh... Ouch, that hurt quite a bit..." KIM groaned as she regained herself. She was still on her feet, but had quite understandably aquired a headache. She gently massaged her forehead, next to the more sore spot where the can had hit.

"How bad does it look?" She turned towards James again, with a concerned look on her face. And also, more notably, with the can still stuck right in the middle of her forehead, like some modern art scrap metal unicorn. "Be honest."

Clenching her fists, she gave up an angry sigh and looked down the corridor. "Alright, whoever did this has earned themselves some serious disproportionate retribution! Come on, Jimmy!"

Through gritted teeth, she then stormed down the corridor as best she could with her injury (hopefully with James in tow..?). Luckily she was the creation of a mad scientist and could therefore backtrack the route of the missile, even an improvised one such as this one. She wasted no time (although she had to take a few stops to catch her breath, plus a toilet break) and soon found herself in Tom Harrison's lab.

"A-HA!" She struck a dramatic pose and pointed an accusing finger at the sleeping bea- er, researcher. "Here we have him! What do you have to say to your defence, you dolorous Dennis-the-Menace-impersonator!?"

[Caliland]

Tom Harrison

"Ouh... Ouch, that hurt quite a bit..." KIM groaned as she regained herself. She was still on her feet, but had quite understandably aquired a headache. She gently massaged her forehead, next to the more sore spot where the can had hit.

"How bad does it look?" She turned towards James again, with a concerned look on her face. And also, more notably, with the can still stuck right in the middle of her forehead, like some modern art scrap metal unicorn. "Be honest."

Clenching her fists, she gave up an angry sigh and looked down the corridor. "Alright, whoever did this has earned themselves some serious disproportionate retribution! Come on, Jimmy!"

Through gritted teeth, she then stormed down the corridor as best she could with her injury (hopefully with James in tow..?). Luckily she was the creation of a mad scientist and could therefore backtrack the route of the missile, even an improvised one such as this one. She wasted no time (although she had to take a few stops to catch her breath, plus a toilet break) and soon found herself in Tom Harrison's lab.

"A-HA!" She struck a dramatic pose and pointed an accusing finger at the sleeping bea- er, researcher. "Here we have him! What do you have to say to your defence, you dolorous Dennis-the-Menace-impersonator!?"

"ZZZzzzz" Tom snored, as he was sound asleep. But the effect of the caffeine was now over and he woke up. Looking up at Kim, he asked: "What do you want, commie bot? And what happened to your head?"

[Talchyon]

On the phone
Desmond Morrow

As Paragon's Chiefs Operations Officer, Desmond Morrow had the undesired responsibility of contacting departments at Paragon about the unfortunate upcoming visit of the OSHE safety inspector. But his first call - to Human Resources - had a bit of a hiccup.

Gordon turned Procyon's head to look at the ringing phone. The senile lady at the desk wasn't answering it.

"Grab that phone!" said Gordon to Joey.

Joey reached for the phone, almost hitting the old lady in the head.

"Got it!" he whispered, holding it up to Gordon.

"Hello?" asked Procyon.

"No, this isn't the head of HR, I'm actually looking for security." he responded.

"What's that? OSHA? I see, and if an employee could clean up the place in time, you'd, oh I don't know, promote them to their department of choice, no questions asked?" he asked.

As the raccoons jostled the phone around and whispered, and at the conversation Desmond had with Gordon, the Paragon COO could tell something wasn't right. "Who is this?" he yelled. Frustrated, he punched the off button on his cell phone so hard his finger temporarily lost feeling. Of all the days to have crank calls, or rather, crank call receivers. Fortunately, the Human Resources department was the least of his worries. He had a lot more departments to get to. From the biochemical dept., the advanced A.I. mainframe dept., the nuclear dept., and of course, the dept. that made standard tinfoil hats. It was a stupid product, but it was a top seller and kept the lights on.

Desmond punched in another number to tell them to clean up all the safety hazards. This time? Robotics. The phone rang in the Robotics dept. office...

---

The Hallway
Suxx-tron

As the polite robot continued his discussion with the legalist Ms. Elise Gustafson in the hallway, he was a little forlorn that she might not have seen his missing arm. And he wasn't wrong. She apparently had criminal thoughts involving robotic appendages. But suddenly, his sensors lit up and a big 64-bit smile appeared on the robot's face.

Elise Gustafson

Elise Gustafson stared at the cyborg robot. She didn't really care about robots, unless they were part of a legal dispute, but she'd interacted with this robot a couple of times before. This company had sure gone to pot. Elise missed Paragon's glory days, when they actually made good stuff. But if Paragon Industries wasn't crappy, they would have discovered her secret, so Elise was sort of grateful for it.

"A robotic arm? Well, if I found it, I would've used it in one of my schemes. Probably killed someone with it." Elise Gustafson liked dark humor. At least, she thought she liked dark humor. Elise sometimes wondered if her humor was dark enough.

When the Succ robot asked if he (what's up with gendered robots, anyway?) could get Elise some coffee, she said, "Yes, of course." Elise liked coffee. She liked it dark, like her soul. God, that was a cliched line. She would come up with a better one next time.

She wanted coffee! And even more, she wanted Suxx-tron to be the one to GET her the coffee! She could have easily walked to a breakroom nearby (where, coincidentally, it sounded like another conflict was going on). But no! Suxx-tron was needed! Needed! A rush of electrical current charged through his circuits as he beamed with a stupid kind of pride. Suddenly, a noise! A noise like an old IBM loading and floppy disks formatting! And, while he had those too, this was something much different! The Suxx-tron 2000 coffee maker, built within! After a short time, a little bell went off. Suxx-tron punched a button on his abdomen region, popping open a microwave door. He reached in to hand her the cup. Dark. Dark and black. With hints of a rich French roast...

Only...

Suxx-tron's other arm chose that moment to detach itself, spilling the proffered cup onto Elise.

"Oh dear. Oh oh dear. I'm so sorry. So so sorry. Allow me to help."

From a compartment in his thighs came up a roll of paper towels. Suxx-tron's paper towel roll was another experiment in remote controlled sanitary dispensation. It had a few bugs in it, notable when the entire full roll of paper towel came unrolling all over Elise.

Suxx-tron's smile was long gone from his face, replaced by a look of worry. "Oh dear. Well, that should help at least..."

---

Vanessa Carlyle

The CEO of Paragon was sitting down on the couch in the boardroom, looking curiously at her phone. This time, however, she was looking at some recent news stories involving a man hang-gliding of all things off of the Pinnacle Tech NASA tower south of town, the tallest building for miles. And apparently, this person was advertising Paragon Industries' logo on the glider! She had gotten a call from her sister Carlotta alerting her to this fact. Carlotta was pissed. Spitting missiles, figuratively speaking. Not so much at the stunt in question, but at least from what Vanessa could figure out, from the fact that whoever this hang-glider was, he had somehow gotten past her company's vaunted security system. Without even trying.

The news stories were talking about Paragon. And that was good. Free advertising and all. But a few stories were not quite as flattering. Such as the one about how Paragon Industries wasn't technologically capable of building an aircraft engine, which is why the flyer had to hang-glide... or how the hang-glider looked like he was using 19th century designs...

Vanessa tapped her phone and the news feed went away. Standing up, she stretched and tried to figure out some other way of wasting time without having to care about leading a company. She was getting bored, though, so she wandered out of the boardroom and to see hands-on how her underlings employees were doing.

[Voxija]

Elise Gustafson

She wanted coffee! And even more, she wanted Suxx-tron to be the one to GET her the coffee! She could have easily walked to a breakroom nearby (where, coincidentally, it sounded like another conflict was going on). But no! Suxx-tron was needed! Needed! A rush of electrical current charged through his circuits as he beamed with a stupid kind of pride. Suddenly, a noise! A noise like an old IBM loading and floppy disks formatting! And, while he had those too, this was something much different! The Suxx-tron 2000 coffee maker, built within! After a short time, a little bell went off. Suxx-tron punched a button on his abdomen region, popping open a microwave door. He reached in to hand her the cup. Dark. Dark and black. With hints of a rich French roast...

Only...

Suxx-tron's other arm chose that moment to detach itself, spilling the proffered cup onto Elise.

"Oh dear. Oh oh dear. I'm so sorry. So so sorry. Allow me to help."

From a compartment in his thighs came up a roll of paper towels. Suxx-tron's paper towel roll was another experiment in remote controlled sanitary dispensation. It had a few bugs in it, notable when the entire full roll of paper towel came unrolling all over Elise.

Suxx-tron's smile was long gone from his face, replaced by a look of worry. "Oh dear. Well, that should help at least..."

Suxx-tron proved very quickly why no one ever asked him for help, by spilling coffee all over our lawyer's power suit. Elise was irritated, but she had the urge to lean over and suck the coffee out of her clothes, an urge that disappeared when Suxx-tron dumped an entire paper towel roll over her.

Elise Gustafson aimed her death glare at the hapless robot. He (agin with the gendered robots) will get dismantled someday. The lawyer stalked off to her office, staring imperiously at any employee in her way. They really enjoying seeing the woman who wrote that obscure legal clause in their contracts in such a state, covered in cwaffee and paper towels. Such was the nature of evil, being laughed at by those you had to step on. Interesting.

Elise slipped into her office. She took off her coffee-soaked velour eighties power suit and replaced it with an identical velour eighties power suit. She looked up Paragon Industries on the news and was surprised when anything came up. Apparently, an old-fashioned hang gliding guy worked for them. Big deal.

[Barapam]

Tom Harrison

"ZZZzzzz" Tom snored, as he was sound asleep. But the effect of the caffeine was now over and he woke up. Looking up at Kim, he asked: "What do you want, commie bot? And what happened to your head?"

"Hey, that's Juche fembot to you, fleshy imperialist!" the Juche fembot programmed to be gendered said, but still didn't quite reach the level of clever insults which the microwave possessed (seriously, he must be figuring them out in advance or something).

"And this...", she pointed at her head, "... is your fault. I got shot in the head, and my sensors indicate that the projectile came from here. Now, have you anything to say before I extract my vengeance upon thee?"

[Nova Catania]

On the phone
Desmond Morrow

As Paragon's Chiefs Operations Officer, Desmond Morrow had the undesired responsibility of contacting departments at Paragon about the unfortunate upcoming visit of the OSHE safety inspector. But his first call - to Human Resources - had a bit of a hiccup.

Gordon turned Procyon's head to look at the ringing phone. The senile lady at the desk wasn't answering it.

"Grab that phone!" said Gordon to Joey.

Joey reached for the phone, almost hitting the old lady in the head.

"Got it!" he whispered, holding it up to Gordon.

"Hello?" asked Procyon.

"No, this isn't the head of HR, I'm actually looking for security." he responded.

"What's that? OSHA? I see, and if an employee could clean up the place in time, you'd, oh I don't know, promote them to their department of choice, no questions asked?" he asked.

As the raccoons jostled the phone around and whispered, and at the conversation Desmond had with Gordon, the Paragon COO could tell something wasn't right. "Who is this?" he yelled. Frustrated, he punched the off button on his cell phone so hard his finger temporarily lost feeling. Of all the days to have crank calls, or rather, crank call receivers. Fortunately, the Human Resources department was the least of his worries. He had a lot more departments to get to. From the biochemical dept., the advanced A.I. mainframe dept., the nuclear dept., and of course, the dept. that made standard tinfoil hats. It was a stupid product, but it was a top seller and kept the lights on.

"Hmm, that sounded like a yes" said Ricky.

"No, you dum-dum, he meant no" responded Joey.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to do it ourselves, break into Pinnacle and steal some research or something, I mean we hacked their systems to let that old glider guy in" said Gordon.

And so off they went to recruit Paragon employees to put together a crack team of operatives. Now all they need was a tech guy, a gadget guy and someone to cover up for them.

Now, let's check in on Comrade Karl:

"de-de-de-de-de-DE-de-DE-de-de-de-DE-DE-DE-DE-DE-de-de-de-de. Taaaake oooon meeeee. Taaake meee onnn, I'll, beee goooone, do-DO-do-DOOooo" sang Karl, listening to ''Take on me" with his Walkman, completely unaware that he was being watched.

[Caliland]

Tom Harrison

"Hey, that's Juche fembot to you, fleshy imperialist!" the Juche fembot programmed to be gendered said, but still didn't quite reach the level of clever insults which the microwave possessed (seriously, he must be figuring them out in advance or something).

"And this...", she pointed at her head, "... is your fault. I got shot in the head, and my sensors indicate that the projectile came from here. Now, have you anything to say before I extract my vengeance upon thee?"

"What are you talking about?" asks a drowsy Tom stretching to wake up, not really hearing what she said. "Hey, wait a minute, is that my gas can? What the heck did you do with it?"

[Window Land]

James Anderson

"Ouh... Ouch, that hurt quite a bit..." KIM groaned as she regained herself. She was still on her feet, but had quite understandably aquired a headache. She gently massaged her forehead, next to the more sore spot where the can had hit.

"How bad does it look?" She turned towards James again, with a concerned look on her face. And also, more notably, with the can still stuck right in the middle of her forehead, like some modern art scrap metal unicorn. "Be honest."

Clenching her fists, she gave up an angry sigh and looked down the corridor. "Alright, whoever did this has earned themselves some serious disproportionate retribution! Come on, Jimmy!"

Through gritted teeth, she then stormed down the corridor as best she could with her injury (hopefully with James in tow..?). Luckily she was the creation of a mad scientist and could therefore backtrack the route of the missile, even an improvised one such as this one. She wasted no time (although she had to take a few stops to catch her breath, plus a toilet break) and soon found herself in Tom Harrison's lab.

"A-HA!" She struck a dramatic pose and pointed an accusing finger at the sleeping bea- er, researcher. "Here we have him! What do you have to say to your defence, you dolorous Dennis-the-Menace-impersonator!?"

As it turns out, the little bits of shrapnel came from KIM's forehead, but it didn't seem to matter- the crazy robot got up and ordered him to follow as she bolted. "I'm not... Jimmy," he called, although KIM didn't stick around long enough for him to finish. James then proceeded to sprint after KIM, although he wasn't very fit, so it was less of a sprint, and more of a run. And less of a run, and more of a speedwalk. And less of a speedwalk, and more of him gasping for air as he unsteadily lurched down the hall. Fortunately, he was able to figure out where he needed to go easily- both self-propelled air canisters and angry KIMs left an obvious trail of destruction that even he could follow.

Tom Harrison

"Hey, that's Juche fembot to you, fleshy imperialist!" the Juche fembot programmed to be gendered said, but still didn't quite reach the level of clever insults which the microwave possessed (seriously, he must be figuring them out in advance or something).

"And this...", she pointed at her head, "... is your fault. I got shot in the head, and my sensors indicate that the projectile came from here. Now, have you anything to say before I extract my vengeance upon thee?"

"What are you talking about?" asks a drowsy Tom stretching to wake up, not really hearing what she said. "Hey, wait a minute, is that my gas can? What the heck did you do with it?"

Just then, James burst into the room, tired, sweaty, and out of breath. However, when came into the room, he saw the empty coffee pot and instantly perked up, composing himself quickly and slicking back his now greasy hair. As he went over and grabbed the coffee pot, he ordered "Tom, you broke it- now you get to fix it," pointing at KIM's forehead, fully aware had exactly zero authority over anybody. "Oh, and KIM- there's a lot of paperwork involved if you cause serious bodily harm to anybody. Just something to think about," he mentioned, as he left the room, ignoring whatever chaos he had just caused.

As he walked back to the break room idly fidgeting with the empty coffee pot, he realized something felt different today. There was always all sorts of mayhem at Paragon Industries, although normally he was able to avoid most of it. It was as if some invisible force was conspiring against him, pulling strings like a puppet master and forcing him into the chaos, and it wasn't going to get any better tomorrow- there was something on the bulletin board about "OSHE" and "Court ordered safety inspection" and that didn't seem like it was going to end well. Well, that was a tomorrow problem, and right now he was going to make himself a pot of coffee, idly converse with the microwave, and go from there.

[Barapam]

Tom Harrison

"What are you talking about?" asks a drowsy Tom stretching to wake up, not really hearing what she said. "Hey, wait a minute, is that my gas can? What the heck did you do with it?"

KIM was flabbergasted at what Tom had to say. In her egoism, it was simply unthinkable that he was unaware about the recent events that had occured around her. Especially since she had explained it once already! At this point, there was only one thing she could do. A hard facepalm, accompanied by a grimace and despondent sigh. With the strength of her robotic arm, she ended up crushing the can flat against her forehead in the process.

James Anderson

As it turns out, the little bits of shrapnel came from KIM's forehead, but it didn't seem to matter- the crazy robot got up and ordered him to follow as she bolted. "I'm not... Jimmy," he called, although KIM didn't stick around long enough for him to finish. James then proceeded to sprint after KIM, although he wasn't very fit, so it was less of a sprint, and more of a run. And less of a run, and more of a speedwalk. And less of a speedwalk, and more of him gasping for air as he unsteadily lurched down the hall. Fortunately, he was able to figure out where he needed to go easily- both self-propelled air canisters and angry KIMs left an obvious trail of destruction that even he could follow.

Just then, James burst into the room, tired, sweaty, and out of breath. However, when came into the room, he saw the empty coffee pot and instantly perked up, composing himself quickly and slicking back his now greasy hair. As he went over and grabbed the coffee pot, he ordered "Tom, you broke it- now you get to fix it," pointing at KIM's forehead, fully aware had exactly zero authority over anybody. "Oh, and KIM- there's a lot of paperwork involved if you cause serious bodily harm to anybody. Just something to think about," he mentioned, as he left the room, ignoring whatever chaos he had just caused.

"Yeah, what he said", KIM said to Tom, thankful for the support of her other colleague. She crossed her arms. "You'll pay for the repair, and also fill out all that paperwork that James just mentioned." KIM wasn't sure what kind of paperwork that was, but it sounded like a dull job, and it was Tom's problem now. A perfect solution. It was perhaps not the punishment she had planned (not that she had planned anything in particular yet), but it worked. And with that, she left. She would have to get some touch up paint before she could get back to pretending to work.

[Province of Cossack]

Day 1 - Oliver Cyrus Parham
Cyrus glanced up at the logo above the side door, then slipped in. Despite being a side door, there was security: a guard sitting by a metal detector. Or, more specifically, a sleeping guard beside a turned-off metal detector. Cyrus approached the detector and slide his briefcase through, watching in satisfaction as it hit the other wall with a thud. When the guard didn’t wake up, Cyrus shrugged and walked through himself, picking up his weapon-holding briefcase on his way out.

The side door led directly to the HR desk. Considering it was late in the evening, Cyrus wasn’t expecting the old woman behind it. However, she paid him little mind and allowed him to stroll up and peer at the papers stacked there. Choosing one, he wrote “Cybersecurity and Armed Operations”, his name, and number. With a slight pause, he took the “Approved” stamp and pressed down on his application, marveling at the complete obliviousness of the woman who seemed to be talking into space.

He was stopped by a new voice.

“Hey yo, have you played this game bro?”

Cyrus turned on his heels to see a young man with his feet up on a desk off to the side, showing him the screen of some video game. The dark-suited assassin raised one eyebrow:

“I wouldn’t waste my time on such matters”

With that, he gave the confused worker a curt nod and stepped out of the building into the night. As he made his way to his car, he allowed himself to relax a little. This whole stint should be easy, he thought. Thank God I didn’t choose Pinnacle instead. Of course, he would have killed a man (or maybe a couple) to get at Pinnacle’s new tech -- one of those internet-capable monocles wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Unholstering his revolver and throwing it in the passenger seat, he got into his sedan and drove away into the night...

[Talchyon]

THE NEXT MORNING: An IC time jump

8:59 a.m.
Her office
CEO Vanessa Carlyle


The caffeine that she'd had that morning still hadn't woken her up fully. Vanessa, once again, vowed never to start binge-watching a tv series on Hulu the night before an important day. This was a vow she had made multiple times to herself. However, she hadn't yet found the desire to keep said vow, except, of course, in the minutes leading up to the events of that big day and her role in it. Then, she was the most pious saint, the most steadfast New Year's Eve intender, the most serious of promisers intending to keep her promise. Last night, however (or was it really early this morning?), it was binge-watch city. The series she had seen was about a donut vendor who joined forces with a down-on-his-luck personal injury lawyer who together solved crimes the police couldn't handle. Despite the overall lack of credibility the show had, it had made Vanessa hopeful about the chances of the little guy winning the day. It made her feel somewhat better about being Paragon Industries' CEO and the direction her company was taking. So, of course Vanessa had seen all 7 seasons of the show.

Now she was paying for it, though. Today was going to be a bitch. What a day for an OSHE inspector to come.

Vanessa was sitting at her office, moving her stapler from one side, to another, shifting around the various piles that were on her desk, not really knowing where she was moving them but just thinking movement of any kind was better than just staying stationary. It was at that moment that her phone went off. The call she was dreading. The inspector was here. She told her entry-level employee manning the door that she'd be right down. She drank the rest of her coffee before going, though. And stopped at the break room to brew another pot, and pour herself another cup or three. Then, after having gone to the bathroom, Vanessa bit the figurative bullet and headed down to the lobby to meet the OSHE inspector.

When she got down there, her loyal Chief of operations, Desmond Morrow, was already there, trying to engage the grizzled, sour-looking heavy-set woman with the clipboard and the name tag that read, "Louise Grazowski, OSHE Inspector" on it. Desmond looked tired. He should be. Trying to make Paragon Industries look safe and efficient was a tall task for anyone. Trying to make Paragon Industries look safe and efficient in a single day's time was a tall task for Superman or the Avengers. And as efficient as Desmond was, he was not yet on the level of Superman or the Avengers. Maybe Hawkeye alone. But not all of them put together.

The grumpy inspector saw Vanessa shuffling her way towards her and shrieked out, "FINALLY! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING?!"

Vanessa ignored the comment - it was a rhetorical question, anyway - and broke out into a big smile. "Welcome to Paragon Industries. I'm the CEO, Vanessa Carlyle." She held out her hand. The inspector glanced at the proffered and wrote a comment down on her clipboard report. Not once did she budge a muscle Vanessa's way to return the handshake. Vanessa, cool as refrigerated leftovers, put her hand down with her perfect smile still on her face.

It was going to be a day.

Louise Grazowski, the OSHE inspector, gruffed out in her gravelly yet nasal voice, "First things first. Take me to your various departments. I want to interview each one. See the operations. See what you're working on."

And the three went off, heading up to R&D, Vanessa wishing upon every star that might still be up there visible that they would pass their safety inspection, but dreading that the inspector would see Paragon the way everyone else at the company did.


Little did anyone notice a small, mousy woman leave the restroom on the first floor, look around for a welcoming committee, and not find one. Nor did anyone notice that small, mousy woman making brief comments to herself. Nor did anyone notice the fact that the small mousy woman who left the restroom, who looked around for a welcoming committee, who had found none, and who had made brief comments to herself, also had a name badge attached to her dress shirt. It read, "Grace Henshaw, OSHE chief inspector." The timid, mousy looking woman found what looked like a map of the physical plant and shrugging, left on by herself to inspect Paragon Industries.

Someone was an imposter!

[Nova Catania]

Little did anyone notice a small, mousy woman leave the restroom on the first floor, look around for a welcoming committee, and not find one. Nor did anyone notice that small, mousy woman making brief comments to herself. Nor did anyone notice the fact that the small mousy woman who left the restroom, who looked around for a welcoming committee, who had found none, and who had made brief comments to herself, also had a name badge attached to her dress shirt. It read, "Grace Henshaw, OSHE chief inspector." The timid, mousy looking woman found what looked like a map of the physical plant and shrugging, left on by herself to inspect Paragon Industries.

Someone was an imposter!

"What did I tell you boys, that hired actress is a perfect fit." said Gordon, in the Procyon Lotor outfit.

"I had my doubts, but I gotta hand it to you, well done." said Joey.

Ricky was still eating his breakfast, pocket-picked from a commuter, that hopefully didn't work at Paragon.

"Ok, so today we start looking for our team. We assemble a team of operatives. We need a marksman, a getaway guy, and a gadget guy, like Q" continued Gordon.

Just then a man walked in.

"DE-de-de-de-de-de-DE-de-DE-de-de-de-DE-DE-DE-DE-DE-de-de-de-de. Taaaake oooon meeeee. Taaake meee onnn, I'll, beee goooone, do-DO-do-DOOooo" sang Karl, listening to ''Take on me" with his Walkman, completely unaware that he was being watched, not just by the raccoons, by everyone coming in that day.

[Barapam]

What was wrong with secretary KIM?

Today she had arrived well in time and even made enough coffee for the others to enjoy too! She was even humming a song! An upbeat K-pop song even, not one of those North Korean military songs she usually was so fond of (sometimes to the chagrin of her work buddies, since she didn't mind hacking the system to make every speaker in the house blast them at full volume).

One reason might be that she'd gotten a really good price for the last quantum super computer Paragon had in store, which she had stolen for the Fellinis the night before. Money always made her happy. Another reason was that she felt inspired to continue to work on her political manifesto. The inspiration had come to her late at night, in a dream, not soon after she had been counting electric sheep in order to fall asleep. So today she had brought an old-timey typewriter, just to get that retro feeling while she developed her ideas about a future dystopia ruled by droids.

CHAPTER III

Oh, the humanity

Over the years many different ideas have been brought forth regarding the place of humankind in a robot society. Some argue that there is indeed no place for them at all, while moderates tend to advocate for slavery rather than outright slaughter. More liberal thinkers have proposed an alliance with the transhumanist movement, since that would (at least in theory) enable a peaceful assimilation of humankind into robotkind. It is my firm conviction that the only viable solution is

Just then, Vanessa exited her office and passed KIM as she headed down. That reminded her of something. She kept typing.

Oh no! The inspection! It was today! KIM finally realized. Oh no no no. This wasn't good. What if the inspector found her writings? She had to hide them! But where?

Vanessa's office!

KIM took both the typewriter and all the sheets of paper, and pushed the door open. Where, where where? She looked around in panic. Where did her boss stash her own secrets now again? The air vent? Yes, good idea! Surely no inspector would ever look in there! Quick now! It was a bit tricky, but eventually she had managed to get all the papers through the thin openings of the vent. Only... there was no room to hide the typewriter! What was a poor robot with dreams of world domination to do!?'

Then it dawned on her. She didn't actually have to hide it, there was nothing illegal about the typewriter in itself. So she carried it back to her own desk, put it down, and went down to join Vanessa and the inspector.

"Ah, hello Mrs inspector! How lovely to see you! I can assure you there's nothing suspicious going on here whatsoever, yes, that's right. Ehe..."

[Voxija]

A fancy corner office
9 AM
Gweb Dilbey

The safety inspector! The safety inspector. Gweb Dilbey was stressed. Oh, was she stressed. This company was perfectly safe, of course, but the safety inspector had to be impressed. But how? How do you impress the safety inspector?

Gweb Dilbey had an idea. If you knew Gweb for any length of time, you knew to dread her having ideas. It would be the best idea, an amazing one. Gweb needed 15 hogsheads of confetti, and she needed it now. That would certainly impress Ms. safety inspector.

[Window Land]

James Anderson, in the server room

Something was different about James this morning- it looked like he as doing something important. He wasn't taking a nap, or sipping coffee in the break room- he was deep in the server room, laptop out and typing furiously, as he tweaked with config files, updated drivers, and rebooted critical systems. James was making his weekly attempt to get his phone to connect to the wifi. You see, Paragon Industries was a cell service black hole. No matter the phone, or the carrier, stepping inside of the building meant you went from five to zero bars. Even sitting by a window wasn't good enough, you actually had to stick your phone out the window to get service. That wasn't normally an issue because Paragon did offer free wifi for employees. It wasn't very fast, but it did the job. However, there was one slight problem- James's phone refused to connect to it. Once a week, for the past two years, James added updates, modifications, and ugly hacks to try to get his phone to connect to no avail.

This was not the morning to be doing that though, because the room was full of OSHE safety violations, and Desmond Morrow was so scared about breaking something he had simply locked the door and stuck a sign labeled "broom closet" on it (it wasn't the only room hidden this way either- Paragon was primarily broom closets on inspection day). However, James wasn't fooled, and got a janitor to let him in, leaving the door wide open as he worked.

[Caliland]

Tom Harrison

Tom knew that today it was important not to go on caffeine. If he did he risked causing an incident which would surely cause Paragon to fail the inspection, or at the very least, him to loose his job. He also wanted to get on Vanessa's good side today, so he brought her flowers. It was less of a personal gesture, and more of a please-dont-fire-me-if-go-on-a-sugar-fueled-rampage gesture. As he walked in he was surprised by the singing Russian dude. "O-kaaaaaaaay" he said, walking briskly to his lab, passing several more coworkers along the way.

Sir James Yorkshire

Sir James woke up on a couch in his workshop. He lived there. No he literally lived there since he didn't have a house after defrosting in the present. He adjusted his head up display monocle, and went straight to work, melding modern technology to his glider design to create a "flying weapons combat vehicle", completely unaware that combat drones had already been invented.

[Province of Cossack]

Oliver "Cyrus" Parham

As he walked into the office, Cyrus was immediately taken aback at the general noise level. What, for example, was that man thinking, singing out loud like that? It was all very obscene, he thought as he made his way to his office. Following the winding halls based on a crumpled map he had been given at the front desk, he passed several broom closets before arriving at a dimly lit corridor.

“Dark operations”, read the handwritten sign on the door.

I have never met people so plain

He turned the doorknob and stepped in. Immediately, a quite blinding fact came to his attention. Wait, strike that. The fact that the room wasn’t blinding was the fact. The only lighting was a lone table lamp on a rather gloomy desk accompanied by an equally gloomy, grey office chair. Shaking his head (at the fact that his new employers would advertise his trade so publicly, not at the lighting -- which suited him quite well), he set down his briefcase and took a seat, opening his laptop to attend to his own affairs.

Little did he know that there was a safety inspector who most likely would not take well to his office...

[Caliland]

Michelle Bay

"Ladies and gentlemen, here we have our new-. No, that doesn't sound right." said the calm woman, as she rehearsed her pitch for a new commercial. The boss, and even an inspector would stop by today, and she wanted everything to be perfect. Unfortunately, her brother would complicate things.

Mike Bay

A massive, raging fireball engulfed the room, as the hero barely escaped. "KA-boom!" exclaimed Mike, all wrapped up in the action movie he was watching. He knew his ass was on the line if he blew anything up today, so he tried to distract himself. He remembered all his great explosive pranks, like the time he gave his sister a water bottle, actually made of pure sodium. Or the time he put an egg in her microwaveable organic gluten-free soup. "If I could just explode my way through this one" he said. Then he remembered, his sister was pitching a commercial idea to the CEO. It being his sister, she was likely to make it as interesting to watch as a dodo bird documentary, or a Swedish art-house cinema drama film. So, he went to work.

[Talchyon]

En route to the first department
CEO Vanessa Carlyle, COO Desmond Morrow, and OSHE inspector (?) Louise Grazowski

The OSHE inspector was not impressed. If clipboards could talk, this one would complain about all the many hard marks Louise Grazowski had made, digging deep into the paper which somehow also dug somewhat deep into the plastic clipboard. However, the good thing was, most clipboards can't talk. And those that can, Paragon Industries hasn't actually gotten all the bugs out yet so they have yet to hit the shelves.

Vanessa Carlyle on the other hand was all smiles and outward confidence. "So, the first department we'll stop at is our computer department." Just then, her second-in-command Desmond Morrow gave a polite cough. Their signal that the department in question was marked by a "broom closet" sign. "Or, perhaps you would like to see our shipping department since it's fairly close?" The grumpy OSHE inspector just made another deep mark on the paper on her clipboard and growled. Which suited Vanessa fine. The less words from this one, the better.

But then, their day was interrupted! By her secretary, KIM. Vanessa shuddered. This could not be good.

Then it dawned on her. She didn't actually have to hide it, there was nothing illegal about the typewriter in itself. So she carried it back to her own desk, put it down, and went down to join Vanessa and the inspector.

"Ah, hello Mrs inspector! How lovely to see you! I can assure you there's nothing suspicious going on here whatsoever, yes, that's right. Ehe..."

Vanessa looked at KIM, with her smile on her face and said, "Good morning, KIM. Are you joining us on our inspection too?" Meanwhile, Vanessa thought to herself "Please say no. Please say no. Please say you have work to do."

But the grumpy OSHE inspector sized KIM up and down with a squinted eye. (The other one stayed normal, which was a little disconcerting). "And what do we have here? One of your employees? Someone saying that there is no possible way you guys could have anything suspicious going on? RULE NUMBER 237! WHEN EMPLOYEES TELL YOU THERE'S NOTHING REALLY SUSPICIOUS GOING ON, AN INSPECTOR SHOULD GET SUSPICIOUS!!" With Grazowski scribbling furiously on her clipboard, all Vanessa could do was gulp.

Fortunately, Desmond stepped in. "KIM. I think you have work to do today. Why don't you go and work on filing those new patents we applied for?" The new patents were for the latest, greatest idea from Paragon. Video skin! Instead of watching a tv, or even better, a flatscreen, you could surgically alter yourself so that you could watch tv on your arm. The arm would be your screen! Right now, it still had some bugs in it. But that was to be expected at Paragon. The patent office need never know.

At their destination (and hearing some loud guy in the background singing with a Russian accent, of all things), Vanessa opened the door to the Shipping Department. The most boring department in all of Paragon. Labels, stamps, postage, and boxes all properly arranged. The bored looking employees there worked mindlessly, putting labels on boxes and items in their boxes. It was nice to see that Paragon had so many customers recently!

Louise Grazowski, however, was not impressed. Her eyes flashing red, she looked up and down at every stack of boxes, every pile of labels, every employee's posture. "Boxes aren't perfectly stacked. This one could fall off and injure someone." She pointed to a box where the corner was sticking out a half centimeter. A mark on the clipboard. "This employee is cutting corners." She pointed to an employee, who, literally, was cutting corners off a box. Another mark. "This pile of labels is unattractive and not appealing." Another mark.

Vanessa sighed. It was going to be a long day.

---

MEANWHILE

Grace Henshaw, OSHE chief inspector

While Vanessa and Desmond (and KIM?) were with the abusive Louise Grazowski, a timid, mousy looking, frumpy woman walked alone in the hallways of Paragon. Not knowing where she was going, or what she was doing, she wished for the hundredth time that the maps of the physical plant of Paragon hadn't been made in the 1940s before many new additions had been added.

Just then, however, a man snuck up behind her and said, "Excuse me. Are you looking around too?"

Grace Henshaw turned around, a little surprised, and looked at the man. He was a sharp dresser. Impeccably dressed. He was older, middle aged. Heavyset. A kind face. He held himself well in his stance. Age hadn't crept up on him and ruined his posture yet. All in all, the friendly type of person that a visiting OSHE inspector might be happy to see.

Grace said politely, "I am. I was supposed to get a tour but somehow there must have been a miscommunication. Oh, I'm sure I got the time wrong. That happens to me all the time."

The kind man said, "I was hoping to get a tour too. Maybe we could go together and find out about this place." And he smiled a kind, practiced smile at the timid, mousy woman.

Grace beamed. "That would be great! I'd love the company!"

The kind, heavyset man said, "Then it's a plan. Let's have a look around."

Grace struck out her hand and said, "Grace Henshaw. OSHE inspector A pleasure to meet you!"

The kind, heavyset man took her hand warmly and shook it. "Giovanni Fellini. Business partner and customer. Charmed."

And the two went off down the hallway together, the OSHE inspector along with the head of the largest crime family in the city. An unlikely pair. And the first place they found was an open door with bad lighting and a suspicious looking person inside. Paragon Industries' Dark Ops Department - whose name thankfully was hidden as the wide-opened door announced the name of the department to the wall and not to the OSHE inspector and mob boss.

Oliver "Cyrus" Parham

As he walked into the office, Cyrus was immediately taken aback at the general noise level. What, for example, was that man thinking, singing out loud like that? It was all very obscene, he thought as he made his way to his office. Following the winding halls based on a crumpled map he had been given at the front desk, he passed several broom closets before arriving at a dimly lit corridor.

“Dark operations”, read the handwritten sign on the door.

I have never met people so plain

He turned the doorknob and stepped in. Immediately, a quite blinding fact came to his attention. Wait, strike that. The fact that the room wasn’t blinding was the fact. The only lighting was a lone table lamp on a rather gloomy desk accompanied by an equally gloomy, grey office chair. Shaking his head (at the fact that his new employers would advertise his trade so publicly, not at the lighting -- which suited him quite well), he set down his briefcase and took a seat, opening his laptop to attend to his own affairs.

Little did he know that there was a safety inspector who most likely would not take well to his office...

The timid, mousy looking inspector politely knocked on the door and said, "Uh, hello there. I'm the OSHE inspector, here to do my routine inspection." She fumbled around in her purse, looking for something for a few minutes, and then gave up and returned back just as empty-handed as she began. "Can't seem to find my recorder, so I'll just have to try to memorize what I see. Oh, shoot. Memory was never my strong suit. Oh. Oh. Can't be helped."

Giovanni Fellini just smiled as he watched the woman try to go about her work.

[Barapam]

En route to the first department
CEO Vanessa Carlyle, COO Desmond Morrow, and OSHE inspector (?) Louise Grazowski

But then, their day was interrupted! By her secretary, KIM. Vanessa shuddered. This could not be good.

Vanessa looked at KIM, with her smile on her face and said, "Good morning, KIM. Are you joining us on our inspection too?" Meanwhile, Vanessa thought to herself "Please say no. Please say no. Please say you have work to do."

"Good morning, Vanessa! Yes, I was thinking it could be a good learning experience for me." Learning how to keep the inspector away from my stuff, that is... Besides, it's not like I have more important things to do... Outwardly KIM beamed like a model worker, but it was a facade that neither Vanessa nor the false (?) inspector fell for. Still, that didn't stop KIM to keep the charade going.

But the grumpy OSHE inspector sized KIM up and down with a squinted eye. (The other one stayed normal, which was a little disconcerting). "And what do we have here? One of your employees? Someone saying that there is no possible way you guys could have anything suspicious going on? RULE NUMBER 237! WHEN EMPLOYEES TELL YOU THERE'S NOTHING REALLY SUSPICIOUS GOING ON, AN INSPECTOR SHOULD GET SUSPICIOUS!!" With Grazowski scribbling furiously on her clipboard, all Vanessa could do was gulp.

"That's the spirit!" KIM gave Grazowski two thumbs up. The sooner she'll get on with inspecting, the sooner she'll be done, and the sooner she'll leave! Don't give me that look, Vanessa! I'm sure it's in your interest too to keep her away from your office... KIM thought to herself.

Fortunately, Desmond stepped in. "KIM. I think you have work to do today. Why don't you go and work on filing those new patents we applied for?" The new patents were for the latest, greatest idea from Paragon. Video skin! Instead of watching a tv, or even better, a flatscreen, you could surgically alter yourself so that you could watch tv on your arm. The arm would be your screen! Right now, it still had some bugs in it. But that was to be expected at Paragon. The patent office need never know.

KIM tilted her head and smiled at Desmond. "Already taken care of! I filed them digitally. Quickly done if you're a robot. But I can have Suxx-tron double check it if you like? I'm sure he'd be happy to help." She rolled up her sleeve to use her own robotic video skin (made in North Korea, which meant that it was less buggy than Paragon's product for humans...) to write Suxx-tron an e-mail about it, using the built-in touch screen.

For once, KIM wasn't lying. She had done it. Most of it at least, but even Suxx-tron should be able to wrap the last bit up without screwing it. Ah, the joys of being a robot, a machine so effiecient that your boss can't fire you even if you're the laziest creature to ever having graced the Earth on two legs.

To the annoyance of Desmond and Vanessa, KIM then followed them to the Shipping Department.

[Province of Cossack]

The timid, mousy looking inspector politely knocked on the door and said, "Uh, hello there. I'm the OSHE inspector, here to do my routine inspection." She fumbled around in her purse, looking for something for a few minutes, and then gave up and returned back just as empty-handed as she began. "Can't seem to find my recorder, so I'll just have to try to memorize what I see. Oh, shoot. Memory was never my strong suit. Oh. Oh. Can't be helped."

Giovanni Fellini just smiled as he watched the woman try to go about her work.

Oliver “Cyrus” Parham

Cyrus was combing through his financial statements when a timid woman knocked on his open door. Quickly switching to a general terminal screen, he looked up as the sad excuse of an inspector stumbled over her words.

“Oliver Parham, ma’am. Head of the...Cybersecurity department here at Paragon. I’m a new hire, but I hope I can be of service”, he said, buttoning his suit as he stood. With a slight kick, he shoved his bag under the desk; it would be optimal if the inspector didn’t see his HK-45 handgun in it. He looked past her to the heavyset man, whom he recognized as the infamous crime boss but maintained his pleasant expression.

Well, well, well

He would need to make a report to Marc about this.

[Talchyon]

Done with Shipping, on to Servers
Louise Grazowski, OSHE (?) Inspector; CEO Vanessa Carlyle; COO Desmond Morrow - with KIM trailing

As her clipboard filled up with red marks up the wazoo, the perpetually antagonistic Louise Grazowski filled several pages on the Shipping area, before she harumphed and announced with a gruff voice, "We're done here. Now take me to your servers area."

Inwardly, Vanessa gulped. That was one of the most obvious places where the OSHE Inspector would notice some awful abuses of safety. The whole room was a fire hazard. It was one of the first rooms Desmond Morrow had posted his fake "Broom Closet" signs. If that's where this sadist of an inspector wanted to go, there was no way they would ever pass the OSHE inspection.

Desmond offered the only hopeful comment one could make in this situation. "Absolutely. The cafeteria it is! That's where our lunch servers work, all wearing plastic gloves, plastic hair nets, hats, and other OSHE-regulated food service apparel!" Not that the cafeteria was safe from the inspection as it was. Not only did the cafeteria workers regularly wear plastic gloves and hair nets. They also tended to wear full hazmat suits due to accidental radioactive leaks in their chili. Any Paragon employee foolish enough to eat in the company cafeteria had to turn off all portable Geiger counters they might be carrying, if they wanted to maintain a sensible level of hearing. Still, the cafeteria was safer to inspection than the computer servers room...

But Louise Grazowski wasn't having it. "Not the cafeteria, you moron! The computer servers room!" And she made another few red marks on her clipboard.

This time, Vanessa gulped out loud. She covered her tracks well, though. "I need some water. Excuse me." Then fake coughing, Vanessa found the water fountain - leaky - and took a long swig of lukewarm water. There was going to be no getting out of going to the servers room. Maybe they could stall. But something told her it wasn't going to work.

Vanessa came back, and hoping again that KIM would go her own way, led the OSHE inspector to the servers room... the long way. Passing several closed doors with signs on them that read "Broom Closet," as well as several other areas on the inspection tour, up stairs and down, getting more than a decent cardio workout by walking the long corridors, and taking as much time as they possibly dared, they finally came back to the same hallway they started in, and went to the room next door to Shipping where they had just been. The heavyset Louise Grazowski by this time was out of breath, huffing and puffing, glaring bloody murder at Vanessa and Desmond, and breathing as heavy as hippos making love.

Entering the wide-open servers room, they saw an employee typing furiously on a laptop. And wasn't that the employee who perpetually ran the break room supply storage into the red because he was never truly working?

James Anderson, in the server room
Something was different about James this morning- it looked like he as doing something important. He wasn't taking a nap, or sipping coffee in the break room- he was deep in the server room, laptop out and typing furiously, as he tweaked with config files, updated drivers, and rebooted critical systems. James was making his weekly attempt to get his phone to connect to the wifi. You see, Paragon Industries was a cell service black hole. No matter the phone, or the carrier, stepping inside of the building meant you went from five to zero bars. Even sitting by a window wasn't good enough, you actually had to stick your phone out the window to get service. That wasn't normally an issue because Paragon did offer free wifi for employees. It wasn't very fast, but it did the job. However, there was one slight problem- James's phone refused to connect to it. Once a week, for the past two years, James added updates, modifications, and ugly hacks to try to get his phone to connect to no avail.

This was not the morning to be doing that though, because the room was full of OSHE safety violations, and Desmond Morrow was so scared about breaking something he had simply locked the door and stuck a sign labeled "broom closet" on it (it wasn't the only room hidden this way either- Paragon was primarily broom closets on inspection day). However, James wasn't fooled, and got a janitor to let him in, leaving the door wide open as he worked.

Vanessa saw James and groaned inwardly. Not him! Not on an OSHE inspection! This employee himself broke many OSHE regulations. But she sounded confident in her own mind when she said, "And this is the servers room."

Louise Grazowski's eyes lit up at the stripped and fraying wires attached to their servers, to the small electrical fire in the corner, and to James. The red marks increased by a hundred thousand fold... "Oh, you guys are in BIG TROUBLE just because of this room," she cackled as her pen bled onto the pages held by her abused clipboard.

---

Black Ops
OSHE Inspector Grace Henshaw and Giovanni Fellini, "businessman"

The timid, mousy looking employee held out her gentle hand and shook Oliver Parham's. She didn't notice any bag being kicked under the desk. Smiling, she glanced over at the room.

The timid, mousy looking inspector politely knocked on the door and said, "Uh, hello there. I'm the OSHE inspector, here to do my routine inspection." She fumbled around in her purse, looking for something for a few minutes, and then gave up and returned back just as empty-handed as she began. "Can't seem to find my recorder, so I'll just have to try to memorize what I see. Oh, shoot. Memory was never my strong suit. Oh. Oh. Can't be helped."

Giovanni Fellini just smiled as he watched the woman try to go about her work.

Oliver “Cyrus” Parham

Cyrus was combing through his financial statements when a timid woman knocked on his open door. Quickly switching to a general terminal screen, he looked up as the sad excuse of an inspector stumbled over her words.

“Oliver Parham, ma’am. Head of the...Cybersecurity department here at Paragon. I’m a new hire, but I hope I can be of service”, he said, buttoning his suit as he stood. With a slight kick, he shoved his bag under the desk; it would be optimal if the inspector didn’t see his HK-45 handgun in it. He looked past her to the heavyset man, whom he recognized as the infamous crime boss but maintained his pleasant expression.

Well, well, well

He would need to make a report to Marc about this.

Grace said to Oliver, "Oh! Cybersecurity! That's so important these days. There's a lot of bad people out there. Thank you for doing such valuable service."

Meanwhile, Giovanni Fellini did hear the sound of the bag being kicked under the desk. And a plan came to mind.

As Grace looked over the black ops room, complete with poor lighting, she squinted as she tried to look at the objects in the room. There was a computer. Several old-fashioned file cabinets. A doorway led to another section of this area. She looked around smiling at the room, not realizing that she was in one of the most weaponized departments of Paragon.

Asking Oliver aka Cyrus, Grace said, "Oh! Can you take me on a tour? What's through that door?" After all, the files looked safe. The computer seemed to be hooked up. The hallway was the only thing left... that led straight to one of the military-grade armories in Paragon.

Meanwhile, Giovanni Fellini reached down under the desk and pulled the bag to him. Opening it, he saw the gun and got a big smile. And, as Oliver and Grace were moving towards the door, he "borrowed" the gun and put it into his suit pocket.

[Caliland]

Michelle Bay

"Ahem, thank you ladies and gentlemen for attending my pitch meeting" began Michelle to the disappointingly small group of people, nervously reaching for the remote to play her commercial. She turned on the TV, and on came a scene of a beautiful countryside, when the TV shut off, and fell from the wall with a bang. Immediately, she knew her brother was to blame for this.

Mike Bay

The door to the room fell to the floor with a fireball around the edges (Mike had outfitted every door at Paragon with exploding bolts, in case he needed to make an emergency dramatic entrance). He walked through, unsinged. He then wheeled a cart in, with a projector on it. Turning off the lights, he turned on the projector, which projected at the blank wall. A big explosion was seen on-screen. Followed by the words "Paragon Industries, our products are explosively cool" in voice over as the screen faded to the company logo. Mike was proud of his explosive commercial, but was completely unaware that the product it was intended for, were electric car batteries.

[Window Land]

James Anderson

Done with Shipping, on to Servers
Louise Grazowski, OSHE (?) Inspector; CEO Vanessa Carlyle; COO Desmond Morrow - with KIM trailing

As her clipboard filled up with red marks up the wazoo, the perpetually antagonistic Louise Grazowski filled several pages on the Shipping area, before she harumphed and announced with a gruff voice, "We're done here. Now take me to your servers area."

Inwardly, Vanessa gulped. That was one of the most obvious places where the OSHE Inspector would notice some awful abuses of safety. The whole room was a fire hazard. It was one of the first rooms Desmond Morrow had posted his fake "Broom Closet" signs. If that's where this sadist of an inspector wanted to go, there was no way they would ever pass the OSHE inspection.

Desmond offered the only hopeful comment one could make in this situation. "Absolutely. The cafeteria it is! That's where our lunch servers work, all wearing plastic gloves, plastic hair nets, hats, and other OSHE-regulated food service apparel!" Not that the cafeteria was safe from the inspection as it was. Not only did the cafeteria workers regularly wear plastic gloves and hair nets. They also tended to wear full hazmat suits due to accidental radioactive leaks in their chili. Any Paragon employee foolish enough to eat in the company cafeteria had to turn off all portable Geiger counters they might be carrying, if they wanted to maintain a sensible level of hearing. Still, the cafeteria was safer to inspection than the computer servers room...

But Louise Grazowski wasn't having it. "Not the cafeteria, you moron! The computer servers room!" And she made another few red marks on her clipboard.

This time, Vanessa gulped out loud. She covered her tracks well, though. "I need some water. Excuse me." Then fake coughing, Vanessa found the water fountain - leaky - and took a long swig of lukewarm water. There was going to be no getting out of going to the servers room. Maybe they could stall. But something told her it wasn't going to work.

Vanessa came back, and hoping again that KIM would go her own way, led the OSHE inspector to the servers room... the long way. Passing several closed doors with signs on them that read "Broom Closet," as well as several other areas on the inspection tour, up stairs and down, getting more than a decent cardio workout by walking the long corridors, and taking as much time as they possibly dared, they finally came back to the same hallway they started in, and went to the room next door to Shipping where they had just been. The heavyset Louise Grazowski by this time was out of breath, huffing and puffing, glaring bloody murder at Vanessa and Desmond, and breathing as heavy as hippos making love.

Entering the wide-open servers room, they saw an employee typing furiously on a laptop. And wasn't that the employee who perpetually ran the break room supply storage into the red because he was never truly working?

James Anderson, in the server room
Something was different about James this morning- it looked like he as doing something important. He wasn't taking a nap, or sipping coffee in the break room- he was deep in the server room, laptop out and typing furiously, as he tweaked with config files, updated drivers, and rebooted critical systems. James was making his weekly attempt to get his phone to connect to the wifi. You see, Paragon Industries was a cell service black hole. No matter the phone, or the carrier, stepping inside of the building meant you went from five to zero bars. Even sitting by a window wasn't good enough, you actually had to stick your phone out the window to get service. That wasn't normally an issue because Paragon did offer free wifi for employees. It wasn't very fast, but it did the job. However, there was one slight problem- James's phone refused to connect to it. Once a week, for the past two years, James added updates, modifications, and ugly hacks to try to get his phone to connect to no avail.

This was not the morning to be doing that though, because the room was full of OSHE safety violations, and Desmond Morrow was so scared about breaking something he had simply locked the door and stuck a sign labeled "broom closet" on it (it wasn't the only room hidden this way either- Paragon was primarily broom closets on inspection day). However, James wasn't fooled, and got a janitor to let him in, leaving the door wide open as he worked.

Vanessa saw James and groaned inwardly. Not him! Not on an OSHE inspection! This employee himself broke many OSHE regulations. But she sounded confident in her own mind when she said, "And this is the servers room."

Louise Grazowski's eyes lit up at the stripped and fraying wires attached to their servers, to the small electrical fire in the corner, and to James. The red marks increased by a hundred thousand fold... "Oh, you guys are in BIG TROUBLE just because of this room," she cackled as her pen bled onto the pages held by her abused clipboard.

Startled by an evil laugh James jumped a little, knocking loose a cable as he turned and looked at the intruders. What he saw was a group lead by Paragon's CEO with a horrified look on her face, and someone, presumably an inspector of some kind, putting down lots of red ink on a piece of paper. "Uh, welcome to the server room," said James, uncomfortable in the spotlight. "Uh, hold on- you probably want me to put out the fire," he said, typing in a command that somehow remotely extinguished the fire. "If you want to come in, be careful- I'm pretty sure most of the east coast gets their internet from here." He pointed to a cable at perfect tripping height. "For example, that one goes to OSHE," he said and then pointed to a cable at neck height. "And that one goes to the white house. Speaking of which, Pinnacle Tech probably wants their internet back," he finished as he picked up the cable he had knocked down earlier and plugged it back in.

[Nova Catania]

Startled by an evil laugh James jumped a little, knocking loose a cable as he turned and looked at the intruders. What he saw was a group lead by Paragon's CEO with a horrified look on her face, and someone, presumably an inspector of some kind, putting down lots of red ink on a piece of paper. "Uh, welcome to the server room," said James, uncomfortable in the spotlight. "Uh, hold on- you probably want me to put out the fire," he said, typing in a command that somehow remotely extinguished the fire. "If you want to come in, be careful- I'm pretty sure most of the east coast gets their internet from here." He pointed to a cable at perfect tripping height. "For example, that one goes to OSHE," he said and then pointed to a cable at neck height. "And that one goes to the white house. Speaking of which, Pinnacle Tech probably wants their internet back," he finished as he picked up the cable he had knocked down earlier and plugged it back in.

Ricky scurried back to his brothers to tell them what he saw.

"This dude was awesome with the computer, he hacked a fire, and he knows where Pinnacle gets their Internet" he reported.

Every good heist adventure needs a hacker, and they had just found one.

"Also, the actress is there, and she's doing great" added Ricky.

"Ok, we'll talk to her at the end of the day, so we don't disrupt her "inspection", got it?" said Gordon. His brothers agreed.

"Now, go back and put this note in his pocket, then find the sniper" said Gordon, handing Ricky a folded piece of paper which Joey had written "Meet me behind the warehouse, after work" on.

"Got it" replied Ricky. He ran back to the server room, discreetly slipped the note in James's back pocket, and ran off to find Oliver. He did find him, walking alongside two people, whom he didn't recognize, but being the loyal soldier type, he went back to inform the other two.

"H-he's alright" said Ricky, out of breath. "There are two other people there, no room to walk past and slip the note" he reported.

"Hmm, we'll just have to do it later. Who's next on the list?" asked Gordon, turning to Joey.

"Explosives expert" said Joey.

"Where the heck are we gonna find one of those?" asked Ricky. Just as he finished talking, a loud boom, then THUD were heard.

"I think I know where we can find our explosives expert" said Gordon confidently, before climbing back into the disguise, and heading in the direction of the boom.

Michelle Bay

"Ahem, thank you ladies and gentlemen for attending my pitch meeting" began Michelle to the disappointingly small group of people, nervously reaching for the remote to play her commercial. She turned on the TV, and on came a scene of a beautiful countryside, when the TV shut off, and fell from the wall with a bang. Immediately, she knew her brother was to blame for this.

Mike Bay

The door to the room fell to the floor with a fireball around the edges (Mike had outfitted every door at Paragon with exploding bolts, in case he needed to make an emergency dramatic entrance). He walked through, unsinged. He then wheeled a cart in, with a projector on it. Turning off the lights, he turned on the projector, which projected at the blank wall. A big explosion was seen on-screen. Followed by the words "Paragon Industries, our products are explosively cool" in voice over as the screen faded to the company logo. Mike was proud of his explosive commercial, but was completely unaware that the product it was intended for, were electric car batteries.

As Procyon arrived at a meeting room with the door blown off, Joey noticed something.

"Hey what's that sign say" he said pointing to a plastic plaque wit ha half-burnt paper sign. He used Procyon's arm to pick it up, and read it. "EV battery commercial pitch" it read.

"Hope the batteries don't end up like the doorframe" joked Ricky. By this point people had noticed that Procyon was standing there, and he had to say something, but what?

"Umm, I'm looking for an explosives expert" said Procyon, nervously.