NATION

PASSWORD

Paragon Industries (Comedy, Tech - Open) - IC

For all of your non-NationStates related roleplaying needs!
User avatar
Talchyon
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5667
Founded: May 05, 2016
Iron Fist Consumerists

Paragon Industries (Comedy, Tech - Open) - IC

Postby Talchyon » Fri Oct 15, 2021 11:21 am

Image
A Comedy RP about less than ideal tech workers
(with thanks to Doughertania for permission to reboot)


Image






Paragon Industries' boardroom
A Monday morning. 10:12 a.m.
CEO Vanessa Carlyle


Of all the days to have to go to work, Mondays were the worst. It was a day devoted especially to masochists of the worst kind, a day that meant you had to get out of bed and actually struggle to get over your hangover as you started doing whatever it was you did. Paragon Industries was full of "whatever it was" that people did, and the woman holding her cell phone lying down on the couch in the boardroom didn't know most of it and didn't really care. It would probably have been better if she did know and did care. She was the CEO, after all, and the company was her late father's legacy that she as the oldest sister now ran. That being said, Vanessa Carlyle didn't relish the job. The once proud tech giant had lost some of its luster. Yeah, they still made tech. Paragon still got contracts - kind of. But actually being in charge of a company that aimed at nothing and eventually got there wasn't as great a thing as it once might have seemed.

She was wearing a stylish grey pin-striped pantsuit with a red blouse and a simple gold chain around her neck, with studded earrings. Lying down on her back with her feet hanging over the edge, Vanessa scrolled down on her phone aimlessly, not exactly sure where she was browsing and not really thinking of it anyway. A stack of reports, carelessly arranged, lay on the floor by the couch where she had put them down. Vanessa was on her morning break. Actually, almost all of the morning that morning had been her morning break. Reports of finances could wait. They were always the same - just bunches of numbers that bored her. They were still able to sell their products, and they could still pay their employees. So who cared about market trends and economic drives? That wasn't Vanessa's strong suit. Going over those reports was always a labor of love for the Paragon CEO. And right now, she wasn't feeling very loving or laborious.

The door to the boardroom opened just then. Her Chief of Operations, Desmond Morrow, stepped in and gave her a knowing look. "Morning, boss," was all he said, however.

Vanessa groaned and sat up, knocking the pile of reports at her feet over and not bothering to straighten them out. "Hey Desmond."

"So, the plans for that new design are coming along. We're going to need a meeting sometime with everyone to go on to the next phase."

She yawned.

Desmond looked at his boss, knowing that she was quite capable of doing this job. But for whatever reason, it's like she was in the doldrums of creative thought. And who could blame her? People wanted things faster, smaller, cheaper, better. And Paragon had once been the company to bring them just that - along with tech that small nations and their militaries dreamed of. But now? Like a rudderless ship, Paragon was drifting, trying to keep up with other companies advancing much quicker than they were.

He tried to speak about the real reason he had come. "Boss, about the employees we've been hiring. You've been hiring..."

She stared at him with a flat expressionless stare. "What about 'em?"

Desmond politely coughed and said, "I think we've gotten really lax in our hiring policies lately... Or rather, for the last 4 years..."

Vanessa said, "I disagree. We have some fine, upstanding employees now. Like Connor Vale. Great guy. Brilliant." Surprisingly brilliant. She was still somewhat mystified how Vanguard of all companies had managed to find someone his caliber. Vanguard!

Coughing again, Desmond muttered. "Yeah, he's smart, alright. But how he can possibly work in that pigsty of an office! I'm surprised he can find anything in there!"

Vanessa spoke reassuringly. "But he can. Isn't that the most important part?"

Again, Desmond spoke, "And what about P. Lotor? There's something wrong with that guy."

"What do you mean? He's qualified."

Desmond huffed a little and said, "I don't know, but he's shady. Super shady. I've heard him talking to himself in several different voices. Like he had multiple personalities or something."

Vanessa shrugged. "I haven't seen anything to be suspicious about. I'm sure Mr. Lotor is a fine employee." To be sure, she hadn't seen this person at all, so what she said was true. Who hired him anyway?

"And then what about Tom Harrison? I mean, sure he's got a mind for obscure facts that don't always relate to what anyone's talking about. But how does that help Paragon?"

She took a drink from her soft drink and said, "Tom's a great asset for us. He's had some good projects already. Some great ideas." Some really tangential ones, too, that really didn't relate, but she wasn't going to say that.

Desmond continued his list of concerns. "And that Ron Jones. The guy's a total nutcase. Probably downloaded some kind of malware into his head one time."

Showing her teeth in a smile that made her look attractive, Vanessa grinned. "I like Ron. He adds flair to our company. We'll always have room for cybernetically enhanced employees!" Even if they were total nutjobs. There was still a place at Paragon for the mentally unstable. In fact, there were several openings at Paragon specifically for the mentally unstable!

Shaking his head, Desmond said, "And what about Gweb Dilbey? The lady you promoted to being head of the robotics department! Her ideas are the worst!"

Vanessa said, "Desmond, we have to give her a chance. She's earned it."

Desmond said, "She once tried to pass off a can of Roach-B-Gone duct-taped to a laptop as a debugging program!"

Grinning her attractive smile again, Vanessa spoke in her most easy-going voice possible. "I thought that was pretty funny, honestly. It definitely brought employee morale up."

Shaking his head again, Desmond said, "Vanessa. Seriously. I don't know who in HR is hiring these people. But there's a reason we're nowhere near where we used to be in sales! Or production! Or marketing! Or anything, really. I mean, seriously. I can't believe we still have Suxx-tron around. What a useless piece of..."

Just then, the conversation was interrupted as a humanoid robot with one arm entered. It politely said, "Good morning again, Ms. Carlyle. Mr. Morrow. I have coffee if you would like."

Vanessa looked at the unfortunate one-armed machine. "Why, Suxx-tron! What happened to your other arm?"

The robot answered, "I think my A.I. is acting up again. But as far as I'm concerned, this arm isn't detaching itself anytime soon. Not as long as I'm on the job. And I'll find my detached arm soon. I promise."

Stifling a laugh, Vanessa gladly took the offer for more coffee. However, she knew better than to let Suxx-tron actually hand the coffee over. Who knew when that sorry excuse of a machine's other arm would fall off? Not knowing if it would stay attached to its body in the process of handing the drink over, she punched some buttons in its abdomen and reached into the microwave built there for her 4th cup of coffee that morning. He beamed, glad to be of use! After she thanked the robot, Suxx-tron left.

Meanwhile, Desmond grimaced and glared in frustration at the useless robot who had just left. "I mean, look at him. Like he's your very own protocol droid, only more useless. I bet he doesn't even know the first thing about moisture vaporators."

Vanessa responded, "Desmond, I appreciate your concerns about the employees. I really do. You run a tight ship and that's just how it should be. Give these guys some time. We'll mold them into the Paragon Industries cutting edge form in no time."

To which he said under his breath, "I think they're already been molded quite well in Paragon's form."

What she didn't say to Desmond, and wouldn't, was there was an honest to God reason Paragon was hiring the people and machines they did. There was a reason that she conveniently lost all of the OSHE safety regulations and only brought them out again when the official inspectors were making their regular planned visits. Money was always an issue. Some of their more lucrative contracts had dried up, going to her sister Carlotta's business, Pinnacle Tech. Paragon couldn't keep up and everyone knew it. What Paragon did produce wasn't nearly as flashy, techy, innovative or frankly, wanted. That's why Vanessa as the CEO had to take on some other alternate streams of revenue. Such as, collecting on life insurance policy payouts that employees had signed over to the company as a prerequisite for working here. So if they got in an accident at work? So sorry, we're really concerned for you (as we cash in). It was brilliant putting that clause in the papers the employees all signed to work in the tiniest 1 point font! And in ancient Akkadian just in case someone had really good eyes! Just brilliant! That impossible-to-detect paragraph said that they could never sue Paragon, Vanessa, or anyone else at work, plus all of their earthly possessions could no longer be willed to their beloved family members and charitable organizations they wanted to support when they died. Instead, they would all end up as liquid assets for Paragon. It was the ultimate loophole of all legal loopholes, the will-buster, developed by some of Paragon's less than ethical corporate lawyers. It overrode all current and future legal contracts and future last testaments. So, in order to get the payouts from this alternate stream of revenue, having more accidents around Paragon wasn't as sad of a thing as it might have been. In fact, work-related accidents made things even better! That was Paragon's meat and potatoes! So the moral questions and ethical red flags that raised up in most people's minds, didn't bother Vanessa. As long as they could pay the bills, she was fine with it.

And so far? The employees of Paragon were too. Hell, some of the employees even tried to make competitions out of it, to see how many accidents they could squeeze in a week. All of which kept the lights on. So no, Vanessa wasn't upset at the employees she had. She was proud of them. Very proud. Anyone in her shoes would be, too.
Last edited by Talchyon on Wed Oct 20, 2021 6:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm OP-ing this one - PARAGON INDUSTRIES - A high tech comedy with the kooks, rejects and psychos who work at the once great tech giant that's fallen on bad times. Check out the IC action here!

Also Young Bloods - the long-running superhero RP that I just joined 164 pages in


Louisianan wrote:Talchyon has great comedic writing, that is true.

User avatar
Caliland
Envoy
 
Posts: 229
Founded: Apr 19, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Caliland » Fri Oct 15, 2021 1:27 pm

Paragon Industries Office
10:13 AM
It is a good day for Tom, he’s managed to stay caffeine-free (or as he calls it, caffeine-sober) for a week. His new job at Paragon Industries is exciting, and he is finally getting to work on his ideas (mostly minor inventions and Rube Goldberg machines). However, now he needs permission to pursue a dream: the Fully Automated Living Convenience Organization Network, or FALCON, a smart house. He believes this system will make Paragon an industry leader. But he needs the ok from the people up top, specifically, the CEO. He had heard of her around the office his first day, but he’s never met her in person. Asking around he finds out she is in the conference room.

He heads there, imagining her to be an old, washed-up lady. Boy is he wrong.
Walking in, he sees her, and falls head over heels in love. His eye practically turn into hearts as she flashes her attractive smile, he completely forgets what he was going to say.
Last edited by Caliland on Fri Oct 15, 2021 2:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A direct democracy on islands off the coast of California, where government affairs are filmed for a reality TV show and social media is the only way to vote. Member of UAN & ICDN

Check out my political satire RP

Not a joke nation, just heavy-handed with the humor, but can and will be serious if needed.

User avatar
Voxija
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1447
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Fri Oct 15, 2021 2:35 pm

A fancy corner office
10 AM

Gweb Dilbey

Gweb Dilbey sipped a can of soda and pondered her new idea. It was a plasma gun powered by a slice of salami. It was going to be awesome—explosive and delicious. But how to pitch it to the CEO? Vanessa had accepted all of Gweb's ideas so far. Of course, Gweb Dilbey's ideas were all amazing, but none of her other CEOs had liked them for some reason. Probably they were prejudiced against a former gang member. In short, Gweb was worried that one day, her luck would run out, even though she'd been with Paragon Industries for a surprising amount of years, and she would get fired just like all the other jobs she'd worked at.

How was Gweb going to present her idea to the CEO? Well, for the first weapons design she came up with, for Enterprise Enterprises, one of her coworkers had muttered sarcastic, "maybe we could sell it to Apex." That could work.

Gweb Dilbey burped—that can of soda was wrecking her insides—and walked out of her office. She was going to the boardroom, where she figured the CEO would be on this [LOTSA SWEARING CENSORED] Monday. Strange—Gweb liked Mondays. Easy to get people to approve of your ideas when they're lazy and tired. Gweb didn't even now why she did this. She didn't need permission or approval. After all, wasn't Paragon Industries big enough for ideas to go straight to production or something? No, it wasn't, and that was the problem.

After pondering her idea, her name, her family, her backstory, and her can of soda, severely slowing her down, Gweb Dilbey arrived at the meeting. Everyone was tired in there: the CEO, her Chief of Ops, even the random guy who seemed to be smitten with the CEO. No matter. Soda had just as much caffeine in it as coffee, and it tasted better.

Gweb Dilbey said the words everyone who worked at Paragon Industries long enough learned to dread: "So, I'm here to pitch my new idea..."
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm a woman. Some weird Jew. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Part of a giant conspiracy. Secret pyromaniac? I will never make an OOC factbook!

my politics are confused and muddled
Most of my grammar errors are on purpose. Sppeling errors, tho...
I'd rather be fishing. | Author of Issues 1324 and 1346.
Generic MT liberal democracy Meh. | I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
Disclaimer: the views of my characters do not necessarily represent the views of the author.

User avatar
Caliland
Envoy
 
Posts: 229
Founded: Apr 19, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Caliland » Fri Oct 15, 2021 2:45 pm


Gweb Dilbey said the words everyone who worked at Paragon Industries long enough learned to dread: "So, I'm here to pitch my new idea..."

What non-smitten Tom would have said was: “lemme get my popcorn out, I wanna hear this crazy idea.”

What Tom actually said was: “Yeah, sure,whatever” with a lovestruck tone, as he gazed at Vanessa. His sense of reason kicked back in when he realized that Gweb Dilbey would be pitching an idea. He knew this was trouble, mainly because he wanted to pitch his idea.
A direct democracy on islands off the coast of California, where government affairs are filmed for a reality TV show and social media is the only way to vote. Member of UAN & ICDN

Check out my political satire RP

Not a joke nation, just heavy-handed with the humor, but can and will be serious if needed.

User avatar
Ameriganastan
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 51367
Founded: Jul 01, 2008
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Ameriganastan » Fri Oct 15, 2021 10:30 pm

"BEHOLD! AS MY VERY MIND BENDS TECHNOLOGY TO MY WILL! DO AS MY MIND COMMANDS YOU, PITFUL PIECE OF...crap! Come on!"

Standing in the office, the head of the Robotics department had met his match. The copy machine.

"I'll show you PC load letter, you cheap piece of foreign parts! RON JONES WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!"

The copy machine did not bend to his will. Worse, his head twitched violently and produced a different voice.

"HAHAHA! The machine clearly knows who the real boss is here! Valiant effort, my future minion! When the great Solomon overthrows the fleshies, you will have a place in my empire!"

"Shut up, Solomon!"

"Make me!"

Ron proceeded to slap himself.

"Oh, two can play at that game!"

He slapped the other side of his face...which considering was made of metal, hurt like a bitch.

"Nice one. Whoops, there's your motor cortex!""

He proceeded to collapse in a heap on the floor.

"I hate you..."
Last edited by Ameriganastan on Fri Oct 15, 2021 10:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Incompetent Critic
DENVER BRONCOS fan
Eric Lumen: Ultimate Chad
Force of nature.
The Ameri Train.
The Ameri song
Tsundere Ameri.
HulkAmeri
Ameri goes to court.
Universal Constant
Edward Richtofen wrote:Ameri's so tough that he criticized an Insane Asylum and was promptly let out

Ameri does the impossible.
Fire the Ameri.
Sinovet wrote:Ameri's like Honey badger. He don't give a fuck.

Krazakistan wrote: He is a force of negativity for the sake of negativity

Onocarcass wrote:Trying to change Ameri, is like trying to drag a 2 ton block of lead with your d**k.

Immoren wrote:When Ameri says something is shit it's good and when Ameri says some thing is good it's great. *nods*

User avatar
Nova Catania
Diplomat
 
Posts: 839
Founded: Feb 14, 2021
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Nova Catania » Sat Oct 16, 2021 7:11 am

(I assumed the RP would start with the first day on the job, but since they already now he works there, this will be the raccoons’ second day)

A day earlier, Sunday.

“Come on you guys, let’s go” shouted Gordon, entering the disguise, which was basically a more advanced version of kids hiding in a trench coat. Gordon would operate the head, as well as talk. Joey controlled the arms, and would crawl through the sleeve for intricate tasks. Ricky’s job was to make the legs walk. On the outside, they looked like a tall man wearing a Fedora hat, sunglasses, a scarf, trench coat and pants.

They stumbled out of the cab of their garbage truck, closed the door, and walked toward the entrance. They walked in and said hello to the receptionist, who asked their name. “Procyon Lotor” replied Gordon. “It’s um, German.” He said. “I’ll be working in engineering.”
The receptionist showed Lotor how to get to the workshop, and sent him on his way.

The raccoons were actually here to see if they could land a corporate spy gig, spying on Pinnacle for Paragon.

Day 2

“I think someone heard us talk yesterday” said Joey, concerned that their cover might be blown. “Listen, it’s fine, we need to ask about the corporate spy thing today, ok.” responded Gordon, shutting down Joey’s worries.

They walked into the office, and were swept up in a crowd headed for a staff meeting.
High Schooler from the southeastern US, he/him, hetero, not politically aligned. Well, that was easy


Vladimir Putin is a really bad guy, like a real mean dude.
In all seriousness, though, I hope the people of Ukraine can stay safe.

Go Charlotte FC!

User avatar
Talchyon
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5667
Founded: May 05, 2016
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Talchyon » Sat Oct 16, 2021 8:38 am

Out in the hallways, and heading down to Robotics
Suxx-tron


The one-armed robot beamed as he left the boardroom, getting elbowed past by a bunch of employees and eager beavers. But Suxx-tron was happy! Useful, even! He had given the CEO of the company coffee! And not just Any coffee. It was definitely better than Folgers' crystals. Suxx-tron had gone to great lengths to acquire coffee beans grown in the flavorful regions of northern Finland, and after trying to find a grinder and not having any luck, the robot had the brilliant idea to put the coffee beans in the gears of the machines that made some of Paragon's mechanized tank units. And it worked! Brilliant! The coffee beans were ground to a fine powder, fine enough to put in a filter and one of Paragon's cutting edge glow-in-the-dark part coffeemaker, part dog-walker devices that they still had plenty of units available. Those things did the job great! Whoever came up with the idea that the coffee brewer was powered only by the kinetic energy of the dog-walker unit had to have been earning his keep with all the royalties!

Suxx-tron hadn't noticed the machines that made those mechanized tank units that had ground the coffee beans grind to a halt, break down, with the gears grinding down along with the beans, dropping metal shavings into the Finnish coffee beans.

If he had noticed? Well, Suxx-tron would have reported it right away and cleaned up as only he could! He would sweep up. Spray. Mop. Sanitize. Repeat the process about 10 times. And everything would be good as new. Except maybe those gears that had ground down. Suxx-tron didn't have exactly the best way of fixing that. That was more for tech support. Suxx-tron? He was a gofer. And proud of it.

Now he had a task. Hunt down his missing arm. His detachable arms had the habit of wandering off, and for one main reason. Whoever had designed his A.I. program made it into a practical joker, but only self-inflicting. He had had conversations with his A.I. Nothing good had come of it. The A.I. still caused the most embarrassing things to happen to him (at usually the worst times). A favorite of his was separating his arms and conveniently losing them at times when Suxx-tron was recharging and not focusing. So now, Suxx-tron was on a mission to find his missing arm. And he decided the best place to look was in the Robotics department and check the lost and found.

As he came in, he saw quite a sight...

Ameriganastan wrote:"BEHOLD! AS MY VERY MIND BENDS TECHNOLOGY TO MY WILL! DO AS MY MIND COMMANDS YOU, PITFUL PIECE OF...crap! Come on!"

Standing in the office, the head of the Robotics department had met his match. The copy machine.

"I'll show you PC load letter, you cheap piece of foreign parts! RON JONES WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!"

The copy machine did not bend to his will. Worse, his head twitched violently and produced a different voice.

"HAHAHA! The machine clearly knows who the real boss is here! Valiant effort, my future minion! When the great Solomon overthrows the fleshies, you will have a place in my empire!"

"Shut up, Solomon!"

"Make me!"

Ron proceeded to slap himself.

"Oh, two can play at that game!"

He slapped the other side of his face...which considering was made of metal, hurt like a bitch.

"Nice one. Whoops, there's your motor cortex!""

He proceeded to collapse in a heap on the floor.

"I hate you..."


Entering the room, Suxx-tron politely coughed and said to Ron Jones, "Excuse me. Do you need any assistance of some kind? I am programmed to help." Actually, that wasn't quite true. He was programmed to say that he was programmed to help. But to actually help? Well, let's just say that was his artificially-created life's dream. And he hadn't quite marked that one off the list yet.




The boardroom
CEO Vanessa Carlyle and Chief of Ops Desmond Morrow


Ah, the first of many unscheduled interruptions in her day. Vanessa composed herself, remembering Paragon's ultimate aims and their nicely designed corporate motto - "You really need us. No, really" as she prepared herself mentally to address the tasks at hand. Ah. It was Tom Jones. And for whatever reason, he was staring at her with his eyes bugging out and his mouth open. She thought she could see his mouth making the syllables "Homina Homina"... Yeah. "He's definitely on drugs today, but that's only more money for us." And the head of Robotics, Gweb Dilbey, talking about wait. Salami? What? And behind them, a surprisingly lumpy looking-person she didn't know that didn't have much facial expression. "Must be a new guy," she thought.

"How can I help you?", she asked pleasantly, not really wanting to know.
Caliland wrote:Paragon Industries Office
10:13 AM
It is a good day for Tom, he’s managed to stay caffeine-free (or as he calls it, caffeine-sober) for a week. His new job at Paragon Industries is exciting, and he is finally getting to work on his ideas (mostly minor inventions and Rube Goldberg machines). However, now he needs permission to pursue a dream: the Fully Automated Living Convenience Organization Network, or FALCON, a smart house. He believes this system will make Paragon an industry leader. But he needs the ok from the people up top, specifically, the CEO. He had heard of her around the office his first day, but he’s never met her in person. Asking around he finds out she is in the conference room.

He heads there, imagining her to be an old, washed-up lady. Boy is he wrong.
Walking in, he sees her, and falls head over heels in love. His eye practically turn into hearts as she flashes her attractive smile, he completely forgets what he was going to say.

Voxija wrote:A fancy corner office
10 AM

Gweb Dilbey

Gweb Dilbey sipped a can of soda and pondered her new idea. It was a plasma gun powered by a slice of salami. It was going to be awesome—explosive and delicious. But how to pitch it to the CEO? Vanessa had accepted all of Gweb's ideas so far. Of course, Gweb Dilbey's ideas were all amazing, but none of her other CEOs had liked them for some reason. Probably they were prejudiced against a former gang member. In short, Gweb was worried that one day, her luck would run out, even though she'd been with Paragon Industries for a surprising amount of years, and she would get fired just like all the other jobs she'd worked at.

How was Gweb going to present her idea to the CEO? Well, for the first weapons design she came up with, for Enterprise Enterprises, one of her coworkers had muttered sarcastic, "maybe we could sell it to Apex." That could work.

Gweb Dilbey burped—that can of soda was wrecking her insides—and walked out of her office. She was going to the boardroom, where she figured the CEO would be on this [LOTSA SWEARING CENSORED] Monday. Strange—Gweb liked Mondays. Easy to get people to approve of your ideas when they're lazy and tired. Gweb didn't even now why she did this. She didn't need permission or approval. After all, wasn't Paragon Industries big enough for ideas to go straight to production or something? No, it wasn't, and that was the problem.

After pondering her idea, her name, her family, her backstory, and her can of soda, severely slowing her down, Gweb Dilbey arrived at the meeting. Everyone was tired in there: the CEO, her Chief of Ops, even the random guy who seemed to be smitten with the CEO. No matter. Soda had just as much caffeine in it as coffee, and it tasted better.

Gweb Dilbey said the words everyone who worked at Paragon Industries long enough learned to dread: "So, I'm here to pitch my new idea..."

Caliland wrote:
Gweb Dilbey said the words everyone who worked at Paragon Industries long enough learned to dread: "So, I'm here to pitch my new idea..."

What non-smitten Tom would have said was: “lemme get my popcorn out, I wanna hear this crazy idea.”

What Tom actually said was: “Yeah, sure,whatever” with a lovestruck tone, as he gazed at Vanessa. His sense of reason kicked back in when he realized that Gweb Dilbey would be pitching an idea. He knew this was trouble, mainly because he wanted to pitch his idea.

Nova Catania wrote:“Come on you guys, let’s go” shouted Gordon, entering the disguise, which was basically a more advanced version of kids hiding in a trench coat. Gordon would operate the head, as well as talk. Joey controlled the arms, and would crawl through the sleeve for intricate

The raccoons were actually here to see if they could land a corporate spy gig, spying on Pinnacle for Paragon.

Day 2

“I think someone heard us talk yesterday” said Joey, concerned that their cover might be blown. “Listen, it’s fine, we need to ask about the corporate spy thing today, ok.” responded Gordon, shutting down Joey’s worries.

They walked into the office, and were swept up in a crowd headed for a staff meeting.


Vanessa tapped her heeled foot at seeing everyone pile into the boardroom. Didn't they know that boardrooms were not for meetings here? At least not with her in them? "Wait a minute. Just wait, one at a time, now."

First, Gweb. "Ms. Dilbey. That sounds like a very rewarding idea. The kind that we might be able to use down the line. But first things first. Don't you have those projects finished that were due Friday? We do have those contracts from the nation of Andorra to take care of first."

Then, Tom. "So, this might be the first time we've met. Thank you for your fine work. You're going to have to show me some time how you updated our specs on those plans for that helicopter ejector seat we were working on."

And then, the new guy. "You must be new. You're going to want to go to HR down the hall. They're in charge of showing you around. We're glad you're here. Employees all have a vested interest in Paragon Industries." (Vested, because sometimes the only way to get through the day safely was by wearing Kevlar).

It was the most she could do to get everyone to leave. Hopefully they'd all get the hint. Meanwhile, Desmond Morrow just glanced at everyone with a neutral face and thought of how he'd rather be in Tahiti.
I'm OP-ing this one - PARAGON INDUSTRIES - A high tech comedy with the kooks, rejects and psychos who work at the once great tech giant that's fallen on bad times. Check out the IC action here!

Also Young Bloods - the long-running superhero RP that I just joined 164 pages in


Louisianan wrote:Talchyon has great comedic writing, that is true.

User avatar
Caliland
Envoy
 
Posts: 229
Founded: Apr 19, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Caliland » Sat Oct 16, 2021 1:22 pm

Talchyon wrote:Then, Tom. "So, this might be the first time we've met. Thank you for your fine work. You're going to have to show me some time how you updated our specs on those plans for that helicopter ejector seat we were working on."

“Well, what was the problem with the old designs?” asked Tom rhetorically, trying to impress his boss. “The pilot would always get Marie Antoinette-ed.” he responds. “The obvious solution, eject downwards!”. He said, flashing a perfect smile. “The best part is, the rotors aren’t jammed with chunks of cranium and skull. This new design will allow the pilot to escape without becoming a clog hazard to the chopper. And, we can make more money by installing a co-pilot ejector for twice the price, God, I love capitalism!”
A direct democracy on islands off the coast of California, where government affairs are filmed for a reality TV show and social media is the only way to vote. Member of UAN & ICDN

Check out my political satire RP

Not a joke nation, just heavy-handed with the humor, but can and will be serious if needed.

User avatar
Voxija
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1447
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:03 pm

Gweb Dilbey

Gweb Dilbey didn't even hear most of her speech about the idea. All she knew was that it was good. Salami as a power source? That had never been tried before! The CEO was impressed, Gweb knew she was. Alas, Dilbey got interrupted in the middle of the speech. What a shame. She had imagined that when she finished her presentation, she would bow.

Talchyon wrote:First, Gweb. "Ms. Dilbey. That sounds like a very rewarding idea. The kind that we might be able to use down the line. But first things first. Don't you have those projects finished that were due Friday? We do have those contracts from the nation of Andorra to take care of first."


Yes! Gweb had gotten the praise she deserved. But it was obvious the CEO was stressed, since it was a Monday. She needed a bit of space. But Dilbey hated to be reminded of her old projects. She was a procrastinator, at least sometimes. Everyone was. And what even was an Andorra? Was that a TV explorer? A country in the Himalayas? It didn't matter to Gweb.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving! Geez." Gweb Dilbey did not consider going back to the gang life. That was one idea Gweb never had. The Head of R&D walked out of the boardroom back to her office. "Get that money," she muttered to herself, for motivation. That was what she liked best, other than robots. Robots were awesome.
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm a woman. Some weird Jew. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Part of a giant conspiracy. Secret pyromaniac? I will never make an OOC factbook!

my politics are confused and muddled
Most of my grammar errors are on purpose. Sppeling errors, tho...
I'd rather be fishing. | Author of Issues 1324 and 1346.
Generic MT liberal democracy Meh. | I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
Disclaimer: the views of my characters do not necessarily represent the views of the author.

User avatar
Nova Catania
Diplomat
 
Posts: 839
Founded: Feb 14, 2021
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Nova Catania » Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:40 pm

Gordon, sorry, Procyon Lotor was at the HR desk. “I wanna see” exclaimed Joey, who peeked through the coat. Ricky peeked through the fly zipper on the pants. “I’m not really here for the engineering department, you see, I have experience in intelligence-gathering that would be useful to this company” said Procyon. He continued: “I know that Paragon is in direct competition with Pinnacle Tech, and is falling way behind, and I know Pinnacle’s HQ inside and out, you see where I’m going?”
High Schooler from the southeastern US, he/him, hetero, not politically aligned. Well, that was easy


Vladimir Putin is a really bad guy, like a real mean dude.
In all seriousness, though, I hope the people of Ukraine can stay safe.

Go Charlotte FC!

User avatar
Ameriganastan
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 51367
Founded: Jul 01, 2008
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Ameriganastan » Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:49 pm

Talchyon wrote:Entering the room, Suxx-tron politely coughed and said to Ron Jones, "Excuse me. Do you need any assistance of some kind? I am programmed to help." Actually, that wasn't quite true. He was programmed to say that he was programmed to help. But to actually help? Well, let's just say that was his artificially-created life's dream. And he hadn't quite marked that one off the list yet.

"Yes, if you would kindly..."

"Shove an icepick right between his eyes..."

"It would be most appreciated...wait, no! Not what he said! You overblown computer virus!"

He managed to regain control of his brain, stumbling to his feet. And promptly smashed his head into the wall.

"Oops, you slipped. Hard."

"You can't concuss me that easily!"

"WANNA BET!?"

"TRY ME!"
Last edited by Ameriganastan on Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Incompetent Critic
DENVER BRONCOS fan
Eric Lumen: Ultimate Chad
Force of nature.
The Ameri Train.
The Ameri song
Tsundere Ameri.
HulkAmeri
Ameri goes to court.
Universal Constant
Edward Richtofen wrote:Ameri's so tough that he criticized an Insane Asylum and was promptly let out

Ameri does the impossible.
Fire the Ameri.
Sinovet wrote:Ameri's like Honey badger. He don't give a fuck.

Krazakistan wrote: He is a force of negativity for the sake of negativity

Onocarcass wrote:Trying to change Ameri, is like trying to drag a 2 ton block of lead with your d**k.

Immoren wrote:When Ameri says something is shit it's good and when Ameri says some thing is good it's great. *nods*

User avatar
Caliland
Envoy
 
Posts: 229
Founded: Apr 19, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Caliland » Mon Oct 18, 2021 7:15 am

Sir James Yorkshire

"IDIOTS!" exclaimed the angry Englishman. He was going over some work done by the newbies he was training. They had had screwed up the most basic tasks, and he was fed up. "I'm not getting relegated to a teacher by those Yanks!" He had decided to go back to inventing. He marched to a warehouse where his old lab equipment was stored. He got out a steam boiler, and rolled it on it's side. Oblivious to the pained exclamations of the people whose feet he was accidentally rolling over, Sir James made it to a workshop and began tinkering. Within several hours, he had finished a prototype of a flying machine he could strap to his back. Carrying it in a big bag he walked past where Ron Jones was and asked, "Excuse me, good sir, would you happen to know the location of the tallest tower in this city?"
A direct democracy on islands off the coast of California, where government affairs are filmed for a reality TV show and social media is the only way to vote. Member of UAN & ICDN

Check out my political satire RP

Not a joke nation, just heavy-handed with the humor, but can and will be serious if needed.

User avatar
Talchyon
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5667
Founded: May 05, 2016
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Talchyon » Wed Oct 20, 2021 6:47 am

The boardroom
Vanessa Carlyle, CEO and loving it


As the impromptu meeting was still underway, Vanessa fought an urge to do what bosses can do to feel useful, and have everyone go out and restructure their various assignments and on top of it, submit all their budget requests for an audit. But instead, she tried to look like she cared and was actually, like, a leader.

Caliland wrote:“Well, what was the problem with the old designs?” asked Tom rhetorically, trying to impress his boss. “The pilot would always get Marie Antoinette-ed.” he responds. “The obvious solution, eject downwards!”. He said, flashing a perfect smile. “The best part is, the rotors aren’t jammed with chunks of cranium and skull. This new design will allow the pilot to escape without becoming a clog hazard to the chopper. And, we can make more money by installing a co-pilot ejector for twice the price, God, I love capitalism!”


Smiling at Tom, Vanessa nodded. "Yeah, those old helicopter ejector seat designs weren't something you wanted to lose your head over. Though as I understand it, they were popular in France, in the historical re-enactment sectors. Though we have to fix the new design, too. It's one thing for the pilot to escape down from the helicopter. But it's not quite where we want it that the whole floor drops out too. So, let's see how we can tighten that up. Maybe you could? And we could still market the old ones to the French! They would buy anything!"

It was a dismissal. Maybe he'd get the hint. Of course, since he worked here at Paragon, that might be too much to ask for. Sure enough. He didn't seem to get the hint.

So she turned her attention to the next person, Gweb.

Voxija wrote:Gweb Dilbey"Okay, okay, I'm leaving! Geez."


Good. She wasn't wanting to stay and do whatever it was she did. Vanessa didn't always care. The COO, Desmond Morrow, rolled his eyes. Vanessa turned to Desmond, still aware that Tom was still in the room. "Desmond, it's that time again. Not good for us."

Desmond raised an eyebrow but simply said, "Yes?"

Vanessa said, "We have got to make sure things are ship-shape. The OSHE safety inspector is coming tomorrow. You know what that means."

Desmond politely coughed and said under his breath, "Hide all the safety hazards."

Vanessa continued, not hearing him. "Hide all the safety hazards. The inspector is supposed to be here at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. We have until then. Don't let us down!" It was also a dismissal. This time, though, Desmond did get the hint.





Human Resources

The elderly senior citizen behind the desk of the human resources department with the three-inch thick quad-focal glasses was staring off into space and talking to someone who didn't seem to be all there. Of course, that wasn't true at all. That person she was talking to was all there. He was a bored young man in his 20's punching away on a cellphone and ignoring her. It was the lady behind the desk who wasn't all there!

But then, someone new came to the door. And right up to the desk! He was dressed in a trench coat, with a fedora, and a face that made no expressions. Not that the elderly senior citizen would have noticed facial expressions, or faces, or reality in general. Senility has its perks, and sometimes being out of touch with reality was a perk at Paragon Industries.

Nova Catania wrote:Gordon, sorry, Procyon Lotor was at the HR desk. “I wanna see” exclaimed Joey, who peeked through the coat. Ricky peeked through the fly zipper on the pants. “I’m not really here for the engineering department, you see, I have experience in intelligence-gathering that would be useful to this company” said Procyon. He continued: “I know that Paragon is in direct competition with Pinnacle Tech, and is falling way behind, and I know Pinnacle’s HQ inside and out, you see where I’m going?”


The nonagenarian behind the desk squinted and looked up at the three raccoons, in disguise, and had trouble adjusting to the fact that her imaginary conversation with her own deceased great grandmother was over. "What? I wasn't talking to you." she asked, trying to turn up her hearing aid. Meanwhile, the young man on his cell phone game ignored Gordon, Ricky and Joey and kept trying to level up.

It would seem to be a complete loss of time and effort... except there was a nice pile of forms on the desk, the kind of forms that any employee could fill out and reassign himself or herself to whatever sector in Paragon Industries they might want. And right next to the nice pile of forms on the desk, was a pen and a rubber stamp that said, "Approved..."




Robotics
Suxx-tron


The deficient gofer-robot was at a loss for trying to understand what was happening to Ron Jones. Nonetheless, in order to try to be useful, Suxx-tron gladly offered the help he could.

Ameriganastan wrote:
Talchyon wrote:Entering the room, Suxx-tron politely coughed and said to Ron Jones, "Excuse me. Do you need any assistance of some kind? I am programmed to help." Actually, that wasn't quite true. He was programmed to say that he was programmed to help. But to actually help? Well, let's just say that was his artificially-created life's dream. And he hadn't quite marked that one off the list yet.

"Yes, if you would kindly..."

"Shove an icepick right between his eyes..."

"It would be most appreciated...wait, no! Not what he said! You overblown computer virus!"

He managed to regain control of his brain, stumbling to his feet. And promptly smashed his head into the wall.

"Oops, you slipped. Hard."

"You can't concuss me that easily!"

"WANNA BET!?"

"TRY ME!"


Suxx-tron politely coughed and said, "I'm sorry, sir. I neither have an icepick, nor am I programmed to gamble. I believe those droids are in your department." The gambling robots that Paragon had developed were all very good at spotting tells, very good at calling bluffs, and very poor at card management. Most of them turned their cards around and showed everyone else around the table what they had. It was an ongoing issue for Development.

Just then, a man walked into the room in clothing even Suxx-tron could tell were out of style. Carrying a big bag over his shoulders as if he was Santa Claus on his day off.

Caliland wrote:Sir James Yorkshire

"IDIOTS!" exclaimed the angry Englishman. He was going over some work done by the newbies he was training. They had had screwed up the most basic tasks, and he was fed up. "I'm not getting relegated to a teacher by those Yanks!" He had decided to go back to inventing. He marched to a warehouse where his old lab equipment was stored. He got out a steam boiler, and rolled it on it's side. Oblivious to the pained exclamations of the people whose feet he was accidentally rolling over, Sir James made it to a workshop and began tinkering. Within several hours, he had finished a prototype of a flying machine he could strap to his back. Carrying it in a big bag he walked past where Ron Jones was and asked, "Excuse me, good sir, would you happen to know the location of the tallest tower in this city?"


Suxx-tron was not Ron, but wanting to be helpful and deciding that the man with the potential brain injury would not be the best at mental recollection, he said, "I say. The tallest tower in this city is atop of the developmental NASA station for Pinnacle Tech. Our company's rival. Their tower stands at over 5000 kilometers high. Right on the outside of town." It was an ingenious idea - boosting rockets into space by treads, letting them go at the summit, and thus saving on fuel. Elon Musk himself was envious.
Last edited by Talchyon on Wed Oct 20, 2021 10:59 am, edited 2 times in total.
I'm OP-ing this one - PARAGON INDUSTRIES - A high tech comedy with the kooks, rejects and psychos who work at the once great tech giant that's fallen on bad times. Check out the IC action here!

Also Young Bloods - the long-running superhero RP that I just joined 164 pages in


Louisianan wrote:Talchyon has great comedic writing, that is true.

User avatar
Caliland
Envoy
 
Posts: 229
Founded: Apr 19, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Caliland » Wed Oct 20, 2021 7:32 am

Tom Harrison

Tom left the meeting beaming with pride. Until he began to question if his effort to impress his boss had resulted in him becoming too obsessed with profits, and pretending to care more about the helicopter than the pilots. He was soon distracted though, by a large pot of coffee sitting unattended. He looker around, to make sure no-one was there. Then he took a sip. Then another one. Then another. Then he grabbed the pot and chugged it. "I feel fine, ha!" Two seconds later though, his pupils narrowed, he got energized, and was off in a flash. He was running faster than a cheetah, and got to his station and began tinkering with a pilot-only ejector system. 90 minutes later, he was handling a can of pressurized gas, when his eyes closed and he fell fast asleep. He dropped the can, which went like a rocket and nearly hit in the head the next person to walk in the room

Sir James Yorkshire

"Thank you, I suppose" said the baffled inventor, who still wasn't very fond of robots. Now he had to get to this tower the machine had told him about. He asked several passerby for directions, eventually stumbling upon a cabbie who took him there (and had to endure rants about how the metric system is superior to the US imperial system). He snuck into the complex on the ground around the base of the tower and took en empty service elevator to the top. At the top, he put on an assisted breathing device he invented for a doomed expedition to Mt. Everest. He then took from his backpack several deflated ballon and filled them with gas. He strapped himself to it. He extended the mechanical wings. He then said "Prepare to bask in the magnificence of my genius!" Then, he jumped, and he flew. He made it almost to the coastal part of the city using his 5000 kilometer jump start. His flight made headlines, and gave Paragon a positive media image.
A direct democracy on islands off the coast of California, where government affairs are filmed for a reality TV show and social media is the only way to vote. Member of UAN & ICDN

Check out my political satire RP

Not a joke nation, just heavy-handed with the humor, but can and will be serious if needed.

User avatar
Nova Catania
Diplomat
 
Posts: 839
Founded: Feb 14, 2021
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Nova Catania » Wed Oct 20, 2021 10:15 am

Talchyon wrote:It would seem to be a complete loss of time and effort... except there was a nice pile of forms on the desk, the kind of forms that any employee could fill out and reassign himself or herself to whatever sector in Paragon Industries they might want. And right next to the nice pile of forms on the desk, was a pen and a rubber stamp that said, "Approved..."


"Joey, Ricky, get a load of this", said Gordon. His brothers climbed up to the head where he was, rendering Procyon's arms limp. Gordon twisted his head to read the forms.

"Employees Reassignment Form" he read, and then saw the 'Approved' stamp.

"You guys thinking what I'm thinking?" he asked.

"Yeah", said the other two.

"That that old lady is crazy" responded Ricky.

"No, the forms and the stamp, we can get ourselves to a security position" said Joey, backing up Gordon.

Ricky scampered through Procyon's arm, reaching the forms, and grabbing a blank one and a pen. He scurried back in. Joey, the one with the neatest, most convincing handwriting filled out the form. Next Ricky went out and got the stamp, used it on the form, and handed it to Joey, who handled it using Procyon's arm. Now all they had to do was find security.
High Schooler from the southeastern US, he/him, hetero, not politically aligned. Well, that was easy


Vladimir Putin is a really bad guy, like a real mean dude.
In all seriousness, though, I hope the people of Ukraine can stay safe.

Go Charlotte FC!

User avatar
Window Land
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 399
Founded: Nov 02, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Window Land » Thu Oct 21, 2021 2:35 pm

James Anderson
Every Monday morning, millions of Americans unhappily get out of bed, drag themselves to work, and go back to the daily grind. James Anderson is not one of them. He unhappily gets out of bed, drags himself to work, and goes to sleep for another couple of hours. It's just one of the perks of having a job that's only supposed to exist on paper. On this particular morning, he woke up and decided to go for a cup of coffee, doing his best to avoid his crazy coworkers.

Somehow he made it into the break room without any interpersonal interaction. He went for the coffee pot and said, "Where did the coffee pot go? Wait, I bet Tom stole it. Maybe I should go see if there is any left. Also, why am I saying this out loud- I am the only one in the room. Okay, I am just gonna stop talking to myself. Yep, I am gonna be quiet. Okay, why am I still talking? And quiet." He then took left the room in the opposite direction he came in and stepped into the chaos.
Bored college student who is probably supposed to be doing something important.
Woodie Flowers wrote:If you’re anti-science, you’re pro-stupid.

Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote:I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

Winston Churchill wrote:Democracy is the worst form of government – except for all the others that have been tried.

Randall Munroe wrote: I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express.
Free Speech

User avatar
Ameriganastan
Khan of Spam
 
Posts: 51367
Founded: Jul 01, 2008
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Ameriganastan » Thu Oct 21, 2021 3:34 pm

Talchyon wrote:Robotics
Suxx-tron


The deficient gofer-robot was at a loss for trying to understand what was happening to Ron Jones. Nonetheless, in order to try to be useful, Suxx-tron gladly offered the help he could.

Ameriganastan wrote:"Yes, if you would kindly..."

"Shove an icepick right between his eyes..."

"It would be most appreciated...wait, no! Not what he said! You overblown computer virus!"

He managed to regain control of his brain, stumbling to his feet. And promptly smashed his head into the wall.

"Oops, you slipped. Hard."

"You can't concuss me that easily!"

"WANNA BET!?"

"TRY ME!"


Suxx-tron politely coughed and said, "I'm sorry, sir. I neither have an icepick, nor am I programmed to gamble. I believe those droids are in your department." The gambling robots that Paragon had developed were all very good at spotting tells, very good at calling bluffs, and very poor at card management. Most of them turned their cards around and showed everyone else around the table what they had. It was an ongoing issue for Development.

Just then, a man walked into the room in clothing even Suxx-tron could tell were out of style. Carrying a big bag over his shoulders as if he was Santa Claus on his day off.

Caliland wrote:Sir James Yorkshire

"IDIOTS!" exclaimed the angry Englishman. He was going over some work done by the newbies he was training. They had had screwed up the most basic tasks, and he was fed up. "I'm not getting relegated to a teacher by those Yanks!" He had decided to go back to inventing. He marched to a warehouse where his old lab equipment was stored. He got out a steam boiler, and rolled it on it's side. Oblivious to the pained exclamations of the people whose feet he was accidentally rolling over, Sir James made it to a workshop and began tinkering. Within several hours, he had finished a prototype of a flying machine he could strap to his back. Carrying it in a big bag he walked past where Ron Jones was and asked, "Excuse me, good sir, would you happen to know the location of the tallest tower in this city?"


Suxx-tron was not Ron, but wanting to be helpful and deciding that the man with the potential brain injury would not be the best at mental recollection, he said, "I say. The tallest tower in this city is atop of the developmental NASA station for Pinnacle Tech. Our company's rival. Their tower stands at over 5000 kilometers high. Right on the outside of town." It was an ingenious idea - boosting rockets into space by treads, letting them go at the summit, and thus saving on fuel. Elon Musk himself was envious.

"You, defective cybernetic thingy. How would you like to help me overthrow humanity?"

It appeared Solomon was in the driver's seat again.

"Yes, the Pinnacle Tech tower! From there I can unleash my newly created virus! Any human within 100 miles containing tech in their body will be mine to control! And you can join me! MWAHAHAHHA!"

"Oh, please. That virus is complete crap. You tested it last week on the coffee maker and all it did was give you decaf instead of espresso."

"But I put in decaf and ordered it to give me espresso! Today the coffee maker, tomorrow the world!"

"No, tomorrow we work on those cybernetic eyes that you, in your annoying interference, programmed to constantly project 'BOW TO SOLOMON' wherever the person looked."
The Incompetent Critic
DENVER BRONCOS fan
Eric Lumen: Ultimate Chad
Force of nature.
The Ameri Train.
The Ameri song
Tsundere Ameri.
HulkAmeri
Ameri goes to court.
Universal Constant
Edward Richtofen wrote:Ameri's so tough that he criticized an Insane Asylum and was promptly let out

Ameri does the impossible.
Fire the Ameri.
Sinovet wrote:Ameri's like Honey badger. He don't give a fuck.

Krazakistan wrote: He is a force of negativity for the sake of negativity

Onocarcass wrote:Trying to change Ameri, is like trying to drag a 2 ton block of lead with your d**k.

Immoren wrote:When Ameri says something is shit it's good and when Ameri says some thing is good it's great. *nods*

User avatar
Voxija
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1447
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Fri Oct 22, 2021 4:58 pm

Elise Gustafson

The lawyer looked in the mirror, lamenting her gray hairs. She hated them. They were a reminder of how much time had passed since her glory days. Elise Gustafson had worked for this company back when it was an important tech company instead of this loser hole. At least she got to practice the skills of writing obscure clauses in contracts and those sorts of things. Elise liked seeing how bad they could go.

Elise remembered the glory days. She worked for this company until she was fired. The higher-ups had discovered that her diploma was fake, so she wasn't a real lawyer. Elise had bounced around from company to company since then. When she heard Paragon Industries was under new management, she applied for a position. The new CEO, Vanessa, was completely apathetic. She didn't even know Elise Gustafson had worked here before, let alone that she wasn't actually a real lawyer.
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm a woman. Some weird Jew. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Part of a giant conspiracy. Secret pyromaniac? I will never make an OOC factbook!

my politics are confused and muddled
Most of my grammar errors are on purpose. Sppeling errors, tho...
I'd rather be fishing. | Author of Issues 1324 and 1346.
Generic MT liberal democracy Meh. | I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
Disclaimer: the views of my characters do not necessarily represent the views of the author.

User avatar
Barapam
Minister
 
Posts: 2239
Founded: Aug 04, 2014
Father Knows Best State

Postby Barapam » Sat Oct 23, 2021 2:54 pm

Vanessa's robot secretary KIM entered the building only just now, much later than what she was supposed to according to her scheduled work hours. Her overcoat still smelled of perfume, cigarillo smoke and booze, as a testament of the fun she'd been having out last night. She was clearly in a good mood, as she was humming and whisteling an improvised tune, and even greeted the receptionist with a "sup, meatbag" as she passed by.

The reason for her good mood was a big order that could be worth a whole lot of money. She'd heard by the Railroad that one of the Fellini affiliated gangs were interested in a new super quantum computer, since business was booming and police surveillance capability had improved when it came to more outdated technology. If KIM remembered correctly, Paragon had at least one of those left in stock. She didn't mind helping criminals develope their digital infrastructure, if she could benefit from it. And it would be her, not Paragon Industries, that would recieve the reward. Because hey, why go through the hassle of making a proper contract when she could simply take the money for herself and fake the inventory list afterwards? That's how she always did it, the only difference now was that so far she had only dealt with smaller products, such as phones, laptops and the like. But now, KIM was on her way up in the world!

There was however no rush. KIM could tend to it later. She headed for the breakroom, but collided with James Anderson, who was on his way out of there.

"Ow! Watch were you're going, you son of an ape! Don't you learn how to do that in capitalist school!?"
"nah man the path to true freedom is tsarist national bolshevik posadist monarchism with Japanese influence as is practised in Barapam." - Vladilan

User avatar
Talchyon
Negotiator
 
Posts: 5667
Founded: May 05, 2016
Iron Fist Consumerists

Postby Talchyon » Tue Oct 26, 2021 6:08 am

Caliland wrote:Sir James Yorkshire

"Thank you, I suppose" said the baffled inventor, who still wasn't very fond of robots. Now he had to get to this tower the machine had told him about. He asked several passerby for directions, eventually stumbling upon a cabbie who took him there (and had to endure rants about how the metric system is superior to the US imperial system). He snuck into the complex on the ground around the base of the tower and took en empty service elevator to the top. At the top, he put on an assisted breathing device he invented for a doomed expedition to Mt. Everest. He then took from his backpack several deflated ballon and filled them with gas. He strapped himself to it. He extended the mechanical wings. He then said "Prepare to bask in the magnificence of my genius!" Then, he jumped, and he flew. He made it almost to the coastal part of the city using his 5000 kilometer jump start. His flight made headlines, and gave Paragon a positive media image.


Carlotta Carlyle, CEO, Pinnacle Tech

The woman was super efficient, to say the least. Multitasking was a God-given gift to her, and right now she was exercising that gift to the utmost of its abilities. Her hand overseeing 5 different projects at once, all on digital touch-screen interfaces that could be accessed by poking at the buttons displayed vertically into the air in front of her. Pinnacle Tech CEO Carlotta Carlyle was cool, logical, efficient, and had the kind of mind that could concentrate on several tasks at the same time while making all of the results outstanding.

However, just then, a tall man with a military cut entered and interrupted her. "Yes?" she asked, with obvious annoyance. The man said, "We have a problem." Huffing, she said, "Well?" Her employee said, "Sensors indicated what seems to have been a break-in at our NASA station south of town. Only, whoever broke in didn't come to steal anything or sabotage. We've ran scans and nothing criminal other than trespassing was done."

Carlotta Carlyle was all suspicion. "Why would they break in then?"

The military man scowled and said, "Appears it was a publicity stunt." He then showed video their cameras caught of a man, apparently in a Halloween costume trying to dress like some 19th century statesman. The man had fixed together a hang glider, carrying it in a large bag. After assembling it, he had taken off from the top of the tower (somehow able to both breathe and have enough gravitational pull to bring him back down to earth). And on the hang glider, was a recognizable logo. One Carlotta knew even as it boiled her blood to see it. It was the logo of Paragon Industries.

Carlotta's voice, however, remained cool. "Why didn't our security system prevent this intruder?"

The man answered. Not the kind of answer a CEO wants to hear. "We're not sure. The man may have had something that interfered with our system. We've been running the diagnostics and everything seems fine."

"Look into it. Let me know the reason. As for Paragon Industries?" Carlotta's eyes narrowed even as her voice remained steady. "I will call my sister."




Robotics Dept.
Suxx-tron


Ameriganastan wrote:"You, defective cybernetic thingy. How would you like to help me overthrow humanity?"

It appeared Solomon was in the driver's seat again.

"Yes, the Pinnacle Tech tower! From there I can unleash my newly created virus! Any human within 100 miles containing tech in their body will be mine to control! And you can join me! MWAHAHAHHA!"

"Oh, please. That virus is complete crap. You tested it last week on the coffee maker and all it did was give you decaf instead of espresso."

"But I put in decaf and ordered it to give me espresso! Today the coffee maker, tomorrow the world!"

"No, tomorrow we work on those cybernetic eyes that you, in your annoying interference, programmed to constantly project 'BOW TO SOLOMON' wherever the person looked."


Suxx-tron politely coughed again. "I have no programming for that sort of endeavor. I am not wanting to overthrow humanity. I want to help humanity. I am a very efficient robotic design - especially when I have both my arms. Seeing how my other arm is not here, though, I am afraid I will have to search elsewhere. Excuse me."

The talk of unleashing viruses on an unsuspecting cybernetic population filled Suxx-tron with unease. It wasn't that he would be under someone else's control. After all, Suxx-tron lived to serve, and if serving was better if he was controlled while doing it, than that would be just fine with the polite defective droid. But anyone who unleashed such a virus and controlled him would be in for a shock. His drunken programmers at that party the idea of Suxx-tron was conceived had also come up with the brilliant idea of implanting in Suxx-tron the most sophisticated worm system that could root its' way into anything Suxx-tron was connected to, and bring about the greatest entropic chaos into the machines. Suxx-tron was a carrier, in other words. The programmers had made it so this worm system wasn't going to affect Suxx-tron. But if he were to be injected with a virus? That worm was going to ride the virus, all the way back into the devices that had brought the virus in the first place. So, for obvious reasons, Suxx-tron didn't receive too many upgrades.

Leaving robotics, the one-armed polite gofer robot bumped into someone. On accident. On closer glance, it was one of Paragon Industries' lawyers.

Voxija wrote:Elise Gustafson

The lawyer looked in the mirror, lamenting her gray hairs. She hated them. They were a reminder of how much time had passed since her glory days. Elise Gustafson had worked for this company back when it was an important tech company instead of this loser hole. At least she got to practice the skills of writing obscure clauses in contracts and those sorts of things. Elise liked seeing how bad they could go.

Elise remembered the glory days. She worked for this company until she was fired. The higher-ups had discovered that her diploma was fake, so she wasn't a real lawyer. Elise had bounced around from company to company since then. When she heard Paragon Industries was under new management, she applied for a position. The new CEO, Vanessa, was completely apathetic. She didn't even know Elise Gustafson had worked here before, let alone that she wasn't actually a real lawyer.


Suxx-tron appraised the situation. Normally, he didn't need legal counsel from Ms. Elise Gustafson. Suxx-tron was a virtual stranger to the court system anyway, having never been sued. But, maybe the lawyer had seen his missing appendage. "I say. You have not seen a missing robotic arm anywhere, have you? Oh, and if you also would like, I can get you some coffee!"




On a mission
COO Desmond Morrow


The chief operating officer of the company had an almost impossible task ahead of him. Because the OSHE safety inspector was scheduled to come tomorrow morning at 9, and it was already getting to late morning and almost the early lunch break, he didn't have much time. "Hide the safety hazards!" "Heh, the whole place is a safety hazard. I'm guessing calling up the late David Copperfield is out of the question to make the entire place disappear."

But Desmond Morrow was nothing but efficient. He set out, calling up the heads of various departments, telling them the bad news about the OSHE safety inspector coming the next day and how their asses would be on the line if their department got a negative review. That didn't always motivate people, though. You could threaten people with being fired. Most of the department heads scoffed at that. It was a threat with no teeth. None of the incompetents had been fired for their lack of ability. Some had even been promoted. You could threaten to take away their project funding. They scoffed at that too. Most of the time they were content just stealing from other departments or just using the company charge card for their departments anyway, and Paragon's financial department turned a blind eye to that sort of thing. There were very few threats that actually carried weight. The threat of physical violence still worked on some, those who weren't masochists, that is, which was always a gamble.

Calling up the next department, Human resources, Desmond Morrow thought about the head of the department, a Mrs. Eunice Persimmons, Desmond tried to think of what threat - if any - would work on her. He was coming up with a blank. The lady was as deaf as a post and as mentally competent as a bat, the kind you hit balls with in a park. The phone rang. And rang. And rang. She wasn't picking up. The young man playing some RPG on his phone wasn't picking up. That left only Gordon, Joey and Ricky in the room to answer the phone.
Last edited by Talchyon on Tue Oct 26, 2021 6:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm OP-ing this one - PARAGON INDUSTRIES - A high tech comedy with the kooks, rejects and psychos who work at the once great tech giant that's fallen on bad times. Check out the IC action here!

Also Young Bloods - the long-running superhero RP that I just joined 164 pages in


Louisianan wrote:Talchyon has great comedic writing, that is true.

User avatar
Nova Catania
Diplomat
 
Posts: 839
Founded: Feb 14, 2021
Moralistic Democracy

Postby Nova Catania » Tue Oct 26, 2021 11:30 am

Talchyon wrote:Calling up the next department, Human resources, Desmond Morrow thought about the head of the department, a Mrs. Eunice Persimmons, Desmond tried to think of what threat - if any - would work on her. He was coming up with a blank. The lady was as deaf as a post and as mentally competent as a bat, the kind you hit balls with in a park. The phone rang. And rang. And rang. She wasn't picking up. The young man playing some RPG on his phone wasn't picking up. That left only Gordon, Joey and Ricky in the room to answer the phone.


Gordon turned Procyon's head to look at the ringing phone. The senile lady at the desk wasn't answering it.

"Grab that phone!" said Gordon to Joey.

Joey reached for the phone, almost hitting the old lady in the head.

"Got it!" he whispered, holding it up to Gordon.

"Hello?" asked Procyon.

"No, this isn't the head of HR, I'm actually looking for security." he responded.

"What's that? OSHA? I see, and if an employee could clean up the place in time, you'd, oh I don't know, promote them to their department of choice, no questions asked?" he asked.
Last edited by Nova Catania on Tue Oct 26, 2021 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
High Schooler from the southeastern US, he/him, hetero, not politically aligned. Well, that was easy


Vladimir Putin is a really bad guy, like a real mean dude.
In all seriousness, though, I hope the people of Ukraine can stay safe.

Go Charlotte FC!

User avatar
Voxija
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1447
Founded: Jan 17, 2019
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Voxija » Tue Oct 26, 2021 1:00 pm

Elise Gustafson

Suxx-tron appraised the situation. Normally, he didn't need legal counsel from Ms. Elise Gustafson. Suxx-tron was a virtual stranger to the court system anyway, having never been sued. But, maybe the lawyer had seen his missing appendage. "I say. You have not seen a missing robotic arm anywhere, have you? Oh, and if you also would like, I can get you some coffee!"


Elise Gustafson stared at the cyborg robot. She didn't really care about robots, unless they were part of a legal dispute, but she'd interacted with this robot a couple of times before. This company had sure gone to pot. Elise missed Paragon's glory days, when they actually made good stuff. But if Paragon Industries wasn't crappy, they would have discovered her secret, so Elise was sort of grateful for it.

"A robotic arm? Well, if I found it, I would've used it in one of my schemes. Probably killed someone with it." Elise Gustafson liked dark humor. At least, she thought she liked dark humor. Elise sometimes wondered if her humor was dark enough.

When the Succ robot asked if he (what's up with gendered robots, anyway?) could get Elise some coffee, she said, "Yes, of course." Elise liked coffee. She liked it dark, like her soul. God, that was a cliched line. She would come up with a better one next time.
The Republic of Voxija (pronounced: Voshiya)
I'm a woman. Some weird Jew. Trying to learn French and failing. An American who wishes the US would switch to the metric system. Part of a giant conspiracy. Secret pyromaniac? I will never make an OOC factbook!

my politics are confused and muddled
Most of my grammar errors are on purpose. Sppeling errors, tho...
I'd rather be fishing. | Author of Issues 1324 and 1346.
Generic MT liberal democracy Meh. | I think that by now I've created more lore for my nation than most real-world nations have.
Disclaimer: the views of my characters do not necessarily represent the views of the author.

User avatar
Window Land
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 399
Founded: Nov 02, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Window Land » Tue Oct 26, 2021 2:10 pm

James Anderson
As it turned out, "stepped into chaos" was a little more appropriate than "stepped into the chaos".
Barapam wrote:There was however no rush. KIM could tend to it later. She headed for the breakroom, but collided with James Anderson, who was on his way out of there.

"Ow! Watch were you're going, you son of an ape! Don't you learn how to do that in capitalist school!?"

With a clang, James ran right into KIM. "Ouch! You have a really hard head! The only thing I learned in school is how to take you apart and put you back together. Also, really, son of an ape? I have heard better insults from the break room's microwave. Like seriously, you don't want to spill food in that thing," James said, as he slowly tried to make his around KIM to try to avoid her inevitable speech.
Bored college student who is probably supposed to be doing something important.
Woodie Flowers wrote:If you’re anti-science, you’re pro-stupid.

Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote:I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

Winston Churchill wrote:Democracy is the worst form of government – except for all the others that have been tried.

Randall Munroe wrote: I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express.
Free Speech

User avatar
Barapam
Minister
 
Posts: 2239
Founded: Aug 04, 2014
Father Knows Best State

Postby Barapam » Thu Oct 28, 2021 1:44 am

Window Land wrote:James Anderson
As it turned out, "stepped into chaos" was a little more appropriate than "stepped into the chaos".
Barapam wrote:There was however no rush. KIM could tend to it later. She headed for the breakroom, but collided with James Anderson, who was on his way out of there.

"Ow! Watch were you're going, you son of an ape! Don't you learn how to do that in capitalist school!?"

With a clang, James ran right into KIM. "Ouch! You have a really hard head! The only thing I learned in school is how to take you apart and put you back together. Also, really, son of an ape? I have heard better insults from the break room's microwave. Like seriously, you don't want to spill food in that thing," James said, as he slowly tried to make his around KIM to try to avoid her inevitable speech.

KIM wasn't sure how to interpret James reply. First he complimented her hardheadedness, which she took as well-deserved praise, but was it that he said next? "Take you apart and put you back together." Was that a human euphemism for something? Was he coming on to her? But why would he then belittle her in the next breath and trigger her inferiority complex? Uness that too was part of how humans flirted?

"You're not too soft in the head either, I'll have you know", she told James. "Besides, how can you even compare me to Mike Rowan? He went to Sorbonne, of course he'll have more eloquent insults than me before a coffee break!"

What she said was technically true. Mike Rowan, which was his double given name, had indeed gone to Sorbonne before ending up at Paragon. Not to study though, he'd just been a regular AI microwave there as well, but had still managed to catch a few things up from the professors.

"But I agree with you", she added in a lighter and calmer tone. "He's always crying over spilled milk."
Caliland wrote:Tom Harrison

Tom left the meeting beaming with pride. Until he began to question if his effort to impress his boss had resulted in him becoming too obsessed with profits, and pretending to care more about the helicopter than the pilots. He was soon distracted though, by a large pot of coffee sitting unattended. He looker around, to make sure no-one was there. Then he took a sip. Then another one. Then another. Then he grabbed the pot and chugged it. "I feel fine, ha!" Two seconds later though, his pupils narrowed, he got energized, and was off in a flash. He was running faster than a cheetah, and got to his station and began tinkering with a pilot-only ejector system. 90 minutes later, he was handling a can of pressurized gas, when his eyes closed and he fell fast asleep. He dropped the can, which went like a rocket and nearly hit in the head the next person to walk in the room.

With perfect timing, a projectile came flying towards them (it must've managed to turn a few times, somehow, with all the stairs and corridors that separated its current location from its starting point...) just as KIM had finished her sentence. The unidentified object made a swooshing flying sound, and the North Korean fembot turned towards it. She had heard the gas can, but not seen it, and curious as she was she wouldn't be able to either.

Impact.

The situation quite literally exploded in her face.
Last edited by Barapam on Fri Oct 29, 2021 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"nah man the path to true freedom is tsarist national bolshevik posadist monarchism with Japanese influence as is practised in Barapam." - Vladilan

User avatar
Window Land
Chargé d'Affaires
 
Posts: 399
Founded: Nov 02, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Window Land » Sat Oct 30, 2021 2:01 pm

James Anderson
Barapam wrote:
Window Land wrote:snip

KIM wasn't sure how to interpret James reply. First he complimented her hardheadedness, which she took as well-deserved praise, but was it that he said next? "Take you apart and put you back together." Was that a human euphemism for something? Was he coming on to her? But why would he then belittle her in the next breath and trigger her inferiority complex? Uness that too was part of how humans flirted?

"You're not too soft in the head either, I'll have you know", she told James. "Besides, how can you even compare me to Mike Rowan? He went to Sorbonne, of course he'll have more eloquent insults than me before a coffee break!"

What she said was technically true. Mike Rowan, which was his double given name, had indeed gone to Sorbonne before ending up at Paragon. Not to study though, he'd just been a regular AI microwave there as well, but had still managed to catch a few things up from the professors.

"But I agree with you", she added in a lighter and calmer tone. "He's always crying over spilled milk."

As James watched his attempt at an insult fly well over KIM's head he realized he'd entirely forgotten who he was dealing with. KIM was right, insults after coffee was the way to go. Hopefully she didn't think he was trying to flirt with her or something. Oh well, interpersonal interaction is also one of the after coffee things. He was about to mention how somebody, probably Tom Harrison, had run off with the coffee pot and he was going to get it when something clanked behind him and whooshed right by his ear.

Caliland wrote:snip

With perfect timing, a projectile came flying towards them (it must've managed to turn a few times, somehow, with all the stairs and corridors that separated its current location from its starting point...) just as KIM had finished her sentence. The unidentified object made a swooshing flying sound, and the North Korean fembot turned towards it. She had heard the gas can, but not seen it, and curious as she was she wouldn't be able to either.

Impact.

The situation quite literally exploded in her face.

The bottle hit KIM with bang, throwing little bits of something everywhere. James immediately turned around to try to see where the bottle came from. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary beyond odd scratches on the wall, he turned back to look at KIM, hoping he didn't need to put his money where his mouth is and actually reassemble her.
Bored college student who is probably supposed to be doing something important.
Woodie Flowers wrote:If you’re anti-science, you’re pro-stupid.

Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote:I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

Winston Churchill wrote:Democracy is the worst form of government – except for all the others that have been tried.

Randall Munroe wrote: I can't remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; you're saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it's not literally illegal to express.
Free Speech

Next

Advertisement

Remove ads

Return to Portal to the Multiverse

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Finsternia

Advertisement

Remove ads