On the Worth the Risk, in deep, deep, space, Captain Rachel Guberstein was contemplating this side of eternity. She was on a mission to find other star systems and chart them, to explore the universe beyond the Dreyan system.
Rachel'd wanted this job since she was a child. All of her classmates wanted to be in the military or some such, but Rachel Guberstein did not like war or military things. She preferred science and exploration, to venture where no one else had ventured, to go where no one has...
"Dirm!" By which Rachel meant Dirm Saagan. Dirm Saagan was the best engineer Captain Guberstein could wish for. Only he kept flirting with Rachel, and not in a good way. Dirm had just touched her shoulder. Rachel Guberstein turned around in her chair to see a smirking Dirm Saagan.
"Hey, Captain Guberstein. You look fine as always today."
"Saagan, you broke me out of my contemplation. If you continue this behavior, I will space you." Dirm Saagan had been threatened with spacing many times before. He knew that Rachel didn't mean it.
"Heh. You know you like me, Rachel." Dirm made kissy noises.
"I've been on this ship with you for three weeks, and I should know whether I 'like' you in a romantic way. Although you are a very fine crew member and a great engineer, I don't think I'll ever 'like' like you. And when you talk to me, call me Captain Guberstein."
Dirm Saagan was dejected, but Rachel knew he wouldn't be for long. "Yes, Captain Guberstein." Dirm slunk off the bridge.
Harald Ranuffsen ran over to Captain Guberstein. Harald was Rachel's first mate, and possibly the only person she could trust. Rachel had chosen all the crew members of the Worth the Risk from criminals in some way, and Harald Ranuffsen was a former bank robber. However, he was the best first mate Rachel Guberstein could ever hope for.
"Captain! Captain!" Harald paused to pant and wipe a sweaty brow.
"Yes, Harald?" Rachel Guberstein usually called her crew by their titles or last names, but Harald was Harald.
"Huff, huff (...) There's a leak in the bathroom."
"A leak?!?" Worth the Risk was a spaceship. Leaks were dangerous in spaceships! Rachel got up out of her seat and strode purposefully to the bathrooms.
"Dirm Saagan!" As the engineer, he was best suited for the job. Saagan turned around and said, "Yes, Rachel?"
"Go get your wrench, your general tool kit, and whatever else you think you need to fix a leak in a spaceship."
Dirm's face took on a horrified look. He knew just as well as Rachel what a leak in a spaceship could do. "Of course, captain!" Dirm Saagan scurried off.
Rachel and Harald walked to the ship bathrooms, discussing the leak.
"It's a small leak," said Ranuffsen. "When I said leak, you might have been thinking of the air going out of the ship, but in reality there's merely a small puddle of water on the bathroom floor. It should still be fixed, though."
Rachel Guberstein replied "I understand," but in her head pondered why a puddle on the floor was still considered a small leak. And then she got to thinking about other things.
Rachel's mind wandered. She wondered what you would call bathrooms on a spaceship, if not bathrooms. Restrooms? Washrooms? Loos? And why were there separate bathrooms for men and women, when, from what Rachel had seen, both bathrooms used the exact same freaky-looking space toilets.
"Heh, the captain and her first mate, walking down a hallway together. What's next, kissing?" That was Lois Vanova. She was a good science officer and a valuable member of the crew, but it seemed sometimes that Lois wanted more to be just a simple crew member...
"Science Officer Vanova, return to your post!" ordered the captain.
Vanova didn't. "What are you here for?" Lois asked Harald.
"Uh, Miss, we are investigating a leak in the bathrooms."
"Eh, toilet humor." Lois brushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. "I just came from the bathrooms, and I didn't see any leak at all."
Lois Vanova squeezed past the captain and her first mate and ran off to her laboratory.
"What I don't understand," said Ranuffsen. "Is why you don't space the mutinous b*tch."
"You may not like Science Officer Vanova. She may not like me. Heck, I definitely do not like her. But Lois's probably saner than me, she's the best woman for her job and she volunteered for this mission. I can't put in a complaint without feeling like I betrayed her ambitions."
They reached the bathrooms. Rachel saw Dirm Saagan posing cockily in front of the men's restroom with a wrench in his pocket in what was probably supposed to be a sexy pose.
"Hey girl," said Dirm. "Look it. I fixed the leak for you."
Rachel Guberstein opened the door to the men's bathroom. She felt nothing about it, since she was the captain and could go anywhere on the ship she wanted. The men's loo was sparkling clean. No puddles on the floor. No leaks in any of the pneumatic tubes that replaced lead pipes on the Worth the Risk.
"Wow..." Rachel gained a better appreciation for how well Dirm did his job.
"Yep. I took a look in the girl's bathroom as well." Dirm snickered. "There wasn't any leaks there though."
"Engineer Saagan, I am constantly amazed by how well and how fast you finish your jobs."
"Thank you," Dirm replied. "Now will you go out with me?"
Rachel was in a better mood than she was a a few minutes ago, and she responded with a retort. "No, you're ugly."
Dirm broke out into a wild grin. "Heh." The engineer walked past Captain Guberstein to the engine room.
"So," Rachel Guberstein said. "Is that the end of this leak problem?"
"Y—" Ranuffsen's eyes spied something near the toilets. "Not exactly."
Rachel's eyes widened. Oh no. "What?! Show me!"
Harald reached behind a toilet and pulled out a leek. The leek was grown in one of the hydroponic bins used to grow food for the crew.
Rachel Guberstein facepalmed. "Dirm."


