Lancearc wrote:Somerania wrote:Character Name: Shirvan the sellsword
Character Race: Human
Character Description/Image: (Image)
Character Personality: Stoic: Shirvan spends most of his time doing jobs for money and the rest alone drinking and gambling, he sees this as a problem but doesn't try to solve it, he keeps to himself not being very talkative.
Character Flaws: he is addicted to gambling and spends a lot of money in alcohol, most of the time he starts a break when he gets drunk and is regularly kicked out of taverns due to his aggressive nature
Character Bio/Backstory: left at the doorstep of an orphanage at 5 months old in Jazallay, Shirvan had a harsh childhood often getting bullied by other kids which made him a frequent brawler often breaking the other children's bones which quickly made him the most feared boy in the orphanage but he was alienated by the children due to this and was given harsh punishments by the adults.
He was almost never given food to eat so he often sneaked out of the orphanage and stole food but he got away most of the time but one day he tried to steal the money of a sellsword who was impressed with the boy's skills and gave the young Shirvan an offer: "grow up in this orphanage and become a beggar in Jazallay or come with me and see the world, life will be harsh but you will travel with me across the sultanate, see things you never knew existed, gain a deeper understanding and I will teach you all the tricks I know" Shirvan agreed and the sellsword adopted him, the sellsword later told Shirvan that his name was "Mir"
He spent his later childhood and teenage years under the guidance of Mir, his guardian who was very much like a father figure to him, they had a strong and unbreakable bond, he spent his years travelling around the sultanate, his favorite spot to visit was Mekhallah where he and Mir would spend their earned money on things such as armor, swords, food and drinks, when Shirvan turned 18 Mir decided he had to go on his own journey but Shirvan protested against this decision so a few days later in the dead of night in a tavern in the strange city of Ahadoud Mir wrote a note and left is besides Shirvan's bed wolf with a big pouch of coin then left never to be seen again, Shirvan upon reading the letter had come to accept Mir's decision and decided he would also travel around the sultanate, 10 years later (28 year old Shirvan) Shirvan arrives in the great city of Mekhallah.
Character Skills and profession: he is a sellsword
Additional information: he often gets into tavern brawls when drunk.
While I like where this is at, a few things:
1) Primarily I'd ask you clean up the grammar and especially sentence structure (many of your sentences run on for quite a long time), just so your fellow players enjoy learning about this character more.
2) Mir seems like an interesting thing in Shirvan's backstory to expand on. Why did he originally take in a child? How old was Shirvan at that point? Did Mir explain in his letter why he left Shirvan to his own devices, or no? Since Mir was his only father figure, how has being abandoned for a second time made Shirvan perceive Mir? If he ever saw him again, would he be glad or break his nose?
It might also be worth expanding on his skills and misc info. He's a sellsword, but from the biographic info he also seems to have some proficiency in thievery and street survival. Does he simply fight with a blade, or was he trained in a more unconventional method? All these just to help flesh Shirvan out and make him feel like a unique individual in the world.
OOC: 1: English is not my first language so I will do my best
2: I figured I would need so advice for this one and Shirvan's personality and opinion will change throughout the RP since I would like to develop my character through RPs not applications
3: again I thought I needed some advice for this so thanks.
