The Infinites - Infinite Gauntlet (Comedy, Supers)- IC, Done

by **Skarten** » Sat Nov 23, 2019 4:47 am

"A Timely Discovery"
Farm North of the Town
Blank State

Philipp Marszvaten continued to walk through the farm. His plan had been a complete and utter successes. He had tipped many cows and eaten various fruits, a few of which were probably even ready for consumption! This night was by far, one of the best ones in his record for a long, long time. Even more so, he did not even once run into those foolish Minnesota Infinites, who would surely dare to attempt to stop his reign of madness. They would fail, of course, but, like ants biting at a human, it would still be annoying.

Yet as he made his way towards the climax of his scheme, where he would scream at a goat, something in the corner of his eyes took his attention. It was weak, but still notable. A green glow, contrasting itself somehow with the already green farm. Immediately, Philipp changed his course, deciding that this was far more interesting than screaming at a goat. After all, everybody knew that items important to the plot were known to glow as to make themselves look more important.

Making his way through the tall grass, Philipp moved, his curiousness growing with each passing second. At last, when he arrived, he realized that this detour had, in fact, paid of very, very well, for he had found something many times greater than what he expected- a green, glowing rock. Blank State was more than thrilled. It was common knowledge to any well-informed person that green rocks were the easiest, most certified way of gaining powers. It was one of the easiest ways to become a superhero. Or, in his case, the shortest path towards becoming an even more dastardly super villain!

Forgetting about the dangers of such deed, Philipp immediately took his action, moving his hand towards the sickly green glow of the mysterious artifact. There were many things that could happen. Perhaps he would gain power by simply touching this stone, or maybe he would end up being able to use it against some powerful caped crusader from the big leagues. Of course, there was always the chance he would be simply disintegrated or sent to the realm of oblivion, but what were the odds? He was too important to the story for that to happen.

by **Brancoveanic Transylvania** » Sun Nov 24, 2019 10:54 am

Talchyon wrote:
Coathangerman

Flying with Blimp Man was an honor few had been granted, and even fewer had wanted. Coathangerman fell into both those categories. Until today. Flying up to the highest point in Hong Kong meant they were going pretty high. So high, Coathangerman thought he saw a passing satellite below them. But it was the perfect place to look at stars.

Zjaum wrote:Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

"All right, then. You better hope those coat hangers aren't plastic. Those break super easily. On second thought, you better not hope they're wire. They bend quite easily under pressure... Whatever. Your inevitable fall."

Blimp Man took Coathangerman by whatever appendage or item he preferred and began to raise himself up into the air. It took about two minutes, what with Henry's shoulders working at maximum capacity, but he eventually made it to the highest point in Hong Kong. He gently lowered the man onto the high point so that he could get ample footing and a good view. No danger involved, just a vantage point that a sniper would literally kill for.

Blimp Man rose again. "All right, so I didn't hear you talk about Italian, or any food at all for that matter, so I'm just going to drop down to Tussardi's. Grab myself a bite to eat. You take down whatever notes you want; I'll see you in, what, an hour? Take care!"

There were no stairs down.

It was the perfect place that snipers would literally kill for. Especially if they wanted to literally shoot the moon. But this was not a game of hearts. Coathangerman almost thought he saw a pile of dead bodies of former snipers who had been killed by others who had literally killed to get that spot. But he was mistaken. It was just somebody's laundry out to dry that from this height looked like several dead bodies (and actually wasn't).

As Blimp Man left, Coathangerman sighed because he just knew something like this was going to happen when you fly Air Blimp. No danger (yet). Plenty of solid footing that leant itself to a great view. But no way to fly down and no stairs. Great.

Taking the star chart out, Coathangerman looked at the stars in the sky that were supposed to be over Minnesota and not Hong Kong. And comparing them to the star chart, they matched up perfectly. It was then that he knew! They hadn't gone anywhere! They were still in Minnesota! And somehow Hong Kong had come for a visit! And why they couldn't just have trusted the news report that Teetotaler and Calculator had heard on the car radio, he would never know.

Now that that was settled, Coathangerman looked down (from a safe distance, so as not to trip and fall). And he started going to town. Taking out the most sturdy coathangers he had - the kind you hang several pairs of pants on at once, only these were made of galvanized steel, the intrepid hero began to make a chain of coathangers. A long chain, at that, using up almost every coathanger that Coathangerman had. The kind of chain you would make if you were desperate to get off a high building and all you had were coathangers to do it. But then, as he was putting the last touches on his chain of coathangers, he noticed something. Something that would change the course of his immediate future!

Why, it was a service elevator. And the door conveniently happened to be open. So Coathangerman undid his coathanger chain, put them all back on his costume, hopped into the service elevator, pressed the button for the ground floor, and went safely down. Amazing building! That they wouldn't put up any stairs to the top, but would and did put up a convenient service elevator for people to clean the satellite droppings off the high high roof. As well as for potential snipers and star-charting superheroes! But, no matter. Because Coathangerman conveniently got down safely to the ground level without having to rest all his weight on the multitude of coathangers he carried with him. Then he rejoined the Infinites several blocks away. When he got back to the group of heroes, yes, he did embellish the story of how brave he was to face the height with nothing but his coathangers and his wits. And yes, the story he told wasn't exactly what happened. Nor was it exactly believed by those who knew him well. But hey. At least Glitch was impressed.

And oh yeah. He also told them that the stars at night that shine big and bright? Are actually the stars that are over Orient, Minnesota. They hadn't gone anywhere. Hong Kong had come to them.

Tortellini sat down on a nearby bench, holding her head. "...so you mean to tell me, we're in where Orient is supposed to be, but it's just that Hong Kong was brought over here?"
FC smirked, looking over to her in response. "I guess. Wonder how the Chinese are gonna react to all the gun nuts?"
"For all we know, next thing you know, we're in Venice or whatnot. I don't know, but whatever just happened, it's getting more and more bizarre." Noelle mentioned, Zipper Lady standing up as she pointed to Noelle.
"Okay, tu donna, first of all, IT'S VENEZIA!" She shouted, the voice booming as she seemed to be triggered at the Anglicised version of her country's cit. "And second, don't excite me like that. The group over there wouldn't want me back anyways."

Zjaum wrote:Miles "Staple Remover Man" Petersen

"Oooh! I love festivals! I think back in my days in Osaka, I saw this one idol group preform at a festival concert, and everyone was cheering, because the stadium was so high up! It was so cool!"

"I'm certainly glad you love them, madam," Miles stated. "It is a staple of local communities. The idol group seems a little pagan, but I'm certain the other facets were quite wholesome!"

Concluding his reflection, he looked around. Clearly the mood had shifted without him. "I see that you all have moved on without me. As such, I will take my leave to the local. No time should be wasted, and I have my hopes that they carry one of the N̂ảyā h̄lạk models. Specifically, one of the two of the ten that have eluded my collection for quite some time. Feel free to join me. It should be quite an educational experience!"

With a flurry and a bow, he passed through into the gentle light of the office supplies store. It was a beautiful night, and he couldn't think of any better way to spend it. There were plenty; he just couldn't think of them.

KoKo giggled. "Not those idols, silly! Pop idols, who dance! There was this one called μ2, and I. LOVED. THEM! They were just upbeat, and pretty, and perfect... At that moment, my imagination spiraled! I felt like it was candy for my ears." She started to speech.
"Oh please... J-Pop? I can't believe this... I, an intellectual, prefer the sweet melodies of timeless musicians. Bach. Mozart. Tchaikovsky. Black Sabbath." Tortellini rebutted, summoning a zipper and looking around for her lipstick, Noelle scoffing with an 'Okay, boomer' under her breath.

by **Danubian Peoples** » Sat Nov 30, 2019 2:39 am

Brancoveanic Transylvania wrote:[snippets]

The Spotlight
As it turned out, the Spotlight's prediction was, rather fittingly, spot-on. Hong Kong had indeed been put in its place, or rather, the place of Orient, Minnesota. This kind of sudden teleportation of course always holds rammifications of the very large kind, and the Spotlight began to enumerate more than a few.

'So, Coathangerman has established that one: Hong Kong has been, 'moved' to Orient Minnesota, and two, elevators are a lot easier to use than makeshift rope. Now, I have many questions. Firstly, as Tortelliniestablished earlier, we do need to ask where Orient is. Although to be fair, would the world lose anything of value if it disa- nevermind. And I should get to call Venice whatever I want! Next thing you know we'll be in Germany and we'll be stuck pronnouncing 'Whatsitlongnameburg' for the whole day. Next, we need to ask why this happened to begin with. As I stated earlier none of us have the caliber to do this kind of dastardly deed. Does anyone have any ideas?'

by **Talchyon** » Sat Nov 30, 2019 9:05 pm

The street
The Teetotaler

The Teetotaler simply nodded as the news came in. It wasn't a surprise to him. It's what the radio said in the first place.

The older Infinite dressed in a monacle and really loud colors with a logo looking like a steaming cup of tea, responded. "That's what we're saying. We are in where Orient is supposed to be - well, north of Orient, anyway. And if you look that way, my dear chaps," he said, pointing, "then you can see the bright lights of the big city that is Orient. So that tells me we're north of Orient, and we should be in the countryside where we were. Only, now, we're also in Hong Kong, which is here and not there. And no, I have no idea what the Chinese government is going to do about it. This is going to be nuts. I expect there to be plenty of protests about something or other. There always seem to be protests in Hong Kong. (I say, they really should have kept it under proper British rule back in the day. Then we wouldn't have these demonstrations...)"

Suddenly, he broke off. "I say there. There is a fellow over there, in a ghastly purple and yellow costume with what look like staple removers. Maybe we should find out what he's up to." So the Teetotaler went over to the odd fellow and tried to make some passing comment on the weather.

Still several blocks away
Doc Bur-Ock

Doc Bur-Ock approached the villains. "Guys, I don't know what happened. And right now, I don't care. Because the thing we need to think about right now is not geography. No, friendly villains (whose group name we still haven't quite finalized, due to a backlog of paperwork.) What we have before us is an entire city to cause mischief in! Think of all the things we could do! We could pay the entrance fee for the Peak VIewing Platform! And then drop pennies on people! Or we could ride the Star Ferry during rush hour, and try to aggravate as many people with a public discussion of the benefits and detractors of bagpipes music! Or in a few days, we could go to crowded neighborhoods on weekends, and make people sign new contracts with the fine print evil! But at the very least, we should eat only dim sum, go to the Avenue of the Stars, take taxis all the time, and if we have to go shopping, we can make sure we only shop in the malls! But let's skip the museums and the cooked food centers. They won't help us."

Diet Cola stared in confusion at the leader of the villains, trying to figure out what any of that meant. Because it sounded like none of it had any bearing on what they were doing, and it all sounded like Doc Bur-Ock was getting all of that information from some random tourist website he found.

Doc Bur-Ock shrugged, and then said, "Or, we could try to stick with our original plan and mess up the Infinites' car." He had that previously glowing rock with him. Maybe he could figure out how to get it to act up again.

The villains nodded in preference to that. So they got in the Indestructible Lump's damaged car, the one that had survived jumping off the ground and slamming down hard, plus a few villains heading through the broken windshield. Doc Bur-Ock was sure the Lump wouldn't miss it while he was off giving tours as a tour guide. And hey, they needed some kind of transportation, and this just happened to be there.

Cam Rastand, the amateur photographer, was not invited along. He looked a little puzzled at when all the villains got in their car and drove off, and then shrugged while he took several shots on his camera of the sights of Hong Kong.

As the villains were driving along, there seemed a guy dressed like, well, a grandmaster who had been on the run. Doc Bur-Ock called out of the window with broken glass, "Hey. Need a ride?"

Skarten wrote:
"A Timely Discovery"
Farm North of the Town
Blank State

Philipp Marszvaten continued to walk through the farm. His plan had been a complete and utter successes. He had tipped many cows and eaten various fruits, a few of which were probably even ready for consumption! This night was by far, one of the best ones in his record for a long, long time. Even more so, he did not even once run into those foolish Minnesota Infinites, who would surely dare to attempt to stop his reign of madness. They would fail, of course, but, like ants biting at a human, it would still be annoying.

Yet as he made his way towards the climax of his scheme, where he would scream at a goat, something in the corner of his eyes took his attention. It was weak, but still notable. A green glow, contrasting itself somehow with the already green farm. Immediately, Philipp changed his course, deciding that this was far more interesting than screaming at a goat. After all, everybody knew that items important to the plot were known to glow as to make themselves look more important.

Making his way through the tall grass, Philipp moved, his curiousness growing with each passing second. At last, when he arrived, he realized that this detour had, in fact, paid of very, very well, for he had found something many times greater than what he expected- a green, glowing rock. Blank State was more than thrilled. It was common knowledge to any well-informed person that green rocks were the easiest, most certified way of gaining powers. It was one of the easiest ways to become a superhero. Or, in his case, the shortest path towards becoming an even more dastardly super villain!

Forgetting about the dangers of such deed, Philipp immediately took his action, moving his hand towards the sickly green glow of the mysterious artifact. There were many things that could happen. Perhaps he would gain power by simply touching this stone, or maybe he would end up being able to use it against some powerful caped crusader from the big leagues. Of course, there was always the chance he would be simply disintegrated or sent to the realm of oblivion, but what were the odds? He was too important to the story for that to happen.

When Blank State reached for the second glowing rock, there was a bright, bright light, similar to what happened the last time. The light temporarily blinded everyone in the immediate vicinity as the intense light spread. But when Blank State touched this rock, however, it was as if all time froze. In the infinity of an existence where moments may have been billions of years, Blank State stared into the face of infinity. And suddenly, he knew. He knew all the secrets of the mysteries of life. He knew what happened when you divide a number by zero. He knew what lay at the center of a black hole. He knew how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop.

How long he was in that transcendental, timeless state, he didn't know. It could have been millions of years. Billions. Quadrillions! As many years as Donald Trump has haters, which is about the same as quadrillions if you count the dead Democrat voters who have somehow managed to come alive enough to register and vote in certain U.S. states in national elections. Be that as it may! The Time Stone was having an effect!

Eventually, the light faded away. Most of what Blank State had learned, also began to fade away except for a few things. It wasn't as if he was going senile and getting Alzeimers. It wasn't as though he were also using his power on himself. If anything, it was simply an effect of the Time Rock that he had touched. Here's what happened. Blank State had found himself in a time bubble where he aged tremendously in that time, yet not in such a way that he died. Meanwhile, everyone else outside that time bubble was paused. No amount of time passage happened to them. Those who had started to notice the blindingly bright light, soon after didn't see it and went on their way.

But Blank State? He was now a cool 700 billion years old. With the kind of hair you'd expect if you had been alive for 700 billion years without getting a haircut. Yet he would feel strangely adequate and oddly normal (as well as the opposite, normally odd). Even though he was a cool 700 billion years old, it wasn't as if he felt a day older.

And then? What do you know? The Time Rock also stopped glowing, and turned a normal shade of rock / gemstone / gravel, that it had been.

It would be a very very good idea for Blank State to take that rock, lest someone else do it. Someone who knows how to use it, for example...

by **Zjaum** » Mon Dec 02, 2019 9:00 am

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

"It's official!" Henry announced after leaving the restaurant, loud enough to catch the attention of everyone within hearing but especially the attention of Zipper Lady. "Tonio Tussardi's has the best ziti in all the world! Why, I feel as if I were roaming the streets of Florence, or Naples, or... well, except for the cold. It gets this cold in Italy, though, right?"

He turned his head over to the Infinites. "Oh, hey, Coathangerman! It seems you figured a way down without me! I'm happy for you. Taking care of your own problems without the help of others is very important."

The ziti had warmed up his belly and melted his cold, dead heart. It would only be a few moments, but it felt nice while it lasted. "And you, Goldilocks. You're always so kind and friendly to everyone. Thanks for that!" She herself didn't think of herself that way, but whatever.

"And you, Captain Calculator! The only thing you need is a brain! Anyone can have a brain! Why, here is proof!" And Blimp Man pulled out a diploma covered in straw.

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

This section is currently... ahem... occupied. Behind a bush. There really wasn't any other place that would... Get back to you next post.

Miles "Staple Remover Man" Petersen

"Not those idols, silly! Pop idols, who dance! There was this one called μ2, and I. LOVED. THEM! They were just upbeat, and pretty, and perfect... At that moment, my imagination spiraled! I felt like it was candy for my ears." She started to speech.
"Oh please... J-Pop? I can't believe this... I, an intellectual, prefer the sweet melodies of timeless musicians. Bach. Mozart. Tchaikovsky. Black Sabbath."

Out of presumedly nowhere, Staple Remover Man announced to the world: "I quite love heavy metal!"

You see, he had just obtained not the N̂ảyā h̄lạk model for which he was hoping, but the British Extra Masse 400X model! That was much more of a boon for him than some cheap Thai product! He held it up to the sky. Pure osmium. He had been bench pressing for a very long time for this moment. The osmium didn't shine or anything. It was a dull metal, not to mention that the only light around was city light and starlight. Still, he was dutifully proud of this moment. His eyes became watery.

And then he saw a man in the distance. He seemed to be a... tea-themed superhero. That seemed very British. Wait a minute. The fancy costumes. The team from which the man came! That must mean...

"You're part of the Hong Kong Infinites, aren't you?!" Miles declared, pointing an accusatory finger at the Teetotaler.

by **Flarbinia** » Tue Dec 03, 2019 4:32 pm

Lucky Huckster
Several masked men entered a bank, one of them firing his gun in the air to get the patrons to get down while the ring leader threw a six pound hammer made of pennies at the security guard, the weapon knocking him to the floor before scattering into pennies. "Stay on the ground. We are after the bank's money, not yours. If your money wasn't insured, you wouldn't have trusted the bank with it." Lucky huckster said to the crowd before he and two others headed to the vault, the others on crowd control.

by **Pax Nerdvana** » Wed Dec 04, 2019 9:35 am

Jim "Warstory" Walker
Jim, after hearing the news, said,"So we are in Minnesota after all. Phew. My farm should still be here, seein' as it's a few miles north of here. In fact, we can use my farm as a base, since our meeting place is on th' other side of the world. You know, I think I once flew over Hong Kong. Or was it Tokyo? I think this woulda been when I was comin' back from Vietnam. Real pretty lights at night. I haven't left the States since I retired from the Army..." He continued his ramble.

by **Talchyon** » Thu Dec 05, 2019 10:27 am

Coathangerman

Zjaum wrote:Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

"It's official!" Henry announced after leaving the restaurant, loud enough to catch the attention of everyone within hearing but especially the attention of Zipper Lady. "Tonio Tussardi's has the best ziti in all the world! Why, I feel as if I were roaming the streets of Florence, or Naples, or... well, except for the cold. It gets this cold in Italy, though, right?"

He turned his head over to the Infinites. "Oh, hey, Coathangerman! It seems you figured a way down without me! I'm happy for you. Taking care of your own problems without the help of others is very important."['quote]

Coathangerman felt snarky, so he said the first thing to come to mind. "Yeah, that wasn't a problem. It was either taking the helpful freight elevator down, or using that fully functional hang-glider that was there in the corner. Of course, I could have just slid down the long fireman's pole they had from the top of the building to the bottom, but where's the originality in that?"

Zjaum wrote:The ziti had warmed up his belly and melted his cold, dead heart. It would only be a few moments, but it felt nice while it lasted. "And you, Goldilocks. You're always so kind and friendly to everyone. Thanks for that!" She herself didn't think of herself that way, but whatever.

"And you, Captain Calculator! The only thing you need is a brain! Anyone can have a brain! Why, here is proof!" And Blimp Man pulled out a diploma covered in straw.

Captain Calculator
When Blimp Man pulled out the diploma covered in straw, Captain Calculator nodded to himself. His suspicions were correct all along! Blimp Man really was the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz! And it was even funnier when he looked at it closer.

"Nice diploma, Blimp Man. I wasn't aware that there even was an institute of higher learning called 'Bob's College and Grill.' You must be really proud of yourself for getting this Bachelor of Science (B.S.) degree in Underwater Basket-Weaving."

Zjaum wrote:Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

This section is currently... ahem... occupied. Behind a bush. There really wasn't any other place that would... Get back to you next post.

Calculator, on the other hand, was wondering where Aubry had wandered off to. There was a bush a little bit away, and it did seem to be moving every so often. Of course, why there was a bush in the middle of Hong Kong was beyond him. But one thing was for sure. He was certain Aubry would turn up eventually. That's one thing you can always count on when a team member has the huggies and doesn't always account for personal space.

Zjaum wrote:Miles "Staple Remover Man" Petersen
"Not those idols, silly! Pop idols, who dance! There was this one called μ2, and I. LOVED. THEM! They were just upbeat, and pretty, and perfect... At that moment, my imagination spiraled! I felt like it was candy for my ears." She started to speech.
"Oh please... J-Pop? I can't believe this... I, an intellectual, prefer the sweet melodies of timeless musicians. Bach. Mozart. Tchaikovsky. Black Sabbath."

Out of presumedly nowhere, Staple Remover Man announced to the world: "I quite love heavy metal!"

You see, he had just obtained not the N̂ảyā h̄lạk model for which he was hoping, but the British Extra Masse 400X model! That was much more of a boon for him than some cheap Thai product! He held it up to the sky. Pure osmium. He had been bench pressing for a very long time for this moment. The osmium didn't shine or anything. It was a dull metal, not to mention that the only light around was city light and starlight. Still, he was dutifully proud of this moment. His eyes became watery.

And then he saw a man in the distance. He seemed to be a... tea-themed superhero. That seemed very British. Wait a minute. The fancy costumes. The team from which the man came! That must mean...

"You're part of the Hong Kong Infinites, aren't you?!" Miles declared, pointing an accusatory finger at the Teetotaler.

The Teetotaler

When Staple Remover Guy approached with finger pointed, the Teetotaler frowned and unsuccessfully tried to brush the finger away. "I say, my good chap. I am a member of the illustrious Minnesota Infinites! I didn't even know we had a branch in Hong Kong. Which, in my opinion, would have done a lot better remaining under the leadership of the Crown and not the mess they got into."

To which Coathangerman said under his breath for the millionth time, "Steve, you're from North Dakota..."

Captain Calculator

When Warstory started and before he had gotten too far carried away, Calculator said, "You're right. Kind of. We are in Minnesota after all. But Hong Kong is also here, too. That means your farm? Somehow it's merged with Hong Kong. I mean, look. This whole area is supposed to be the farms and rural areas north of Orient. And you can kind of make some of that out - like, over there, where you have a grain silo next to a kimshi restaurant. But for the most of it? I'd say the two have somehow combined together into one. Because of that light we saw. That was like that second light we saw for a bit, and then it faded out and nothing much seemed to have happened with that."

Just then, there was the sound of an alarm at a nearby bank!

Calculator called out to the Infinites, "Come on, guys! Now's our chance to do something heroic! Like, get the license plate number of the getaway car for that bank robbery! Or even..." and here his eyes watered and his mouth turned into a hopeful smile, "Maybe even, we might have some way together to... slow down the robbery! Let's get 'em, guys!" And Calculator and the other Infinites with him rushed ahead to thwart the robbery and hopefully not embarrass themselves too much in the process.

by **Flarbinia** » Fri Dec 06, 2019 5:17 pm

The Lucky Huckster continued heading to the safe, his two henchmen gunning down any security guards that get in their way (fortunately for the security guards, the robbers' poor aim meant that they were only wounded, though several would be hospitalized). He knew that if things went smoothly, he and the rest of the crew would be long gone by the time the cops showed up. As for the sixty grand they were after, the only superheroes who would go after him for robbing a bank were street-level.

by **Brancoveanic Transylvania** » Sat Dec 07, 2019 5:15 am

Zjaum wrote:Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

"It's official!" Henry announced after leaving the restaurant, loud enough to catch the attention of everyone within hearing but especially the attention of Zipper Lady. "Tonio Tussardi's has the best ziti in all the world! Why, I feel as if I were roaming the streets of Florence, or Naples, or... well, except for the cold. It gets this cold in Italy, though, right?"

He turned his head over to the Infinites. "Oh, hey, Coathangerman! It seems you figured a way down without me! I'm happy for you. Taking care of your own problems without the help of others is very important."

The ziti had warmed up his belly and melted his cold, dead heart. It would only be a few moments, but it felt nice while it lasted. "And you, Goldilocks. You're always so kind and friendly to everyone. Thanks for that!" She herself didn't think of herself that way, but whatever.

"And you, Captain Calculator! The only thing you need is a brain! Anyone can have a brain! Why, here is proof!" And Blimp Man pulled out a diploma covered in straw.

As Zipper Lady heard Blimp Man say it, her eye seemed to twitch as her breathing became shuddered. "D-damnit..." She growled. "IF WE'RE REALLY IN ITALY, FOR ALL WE KNOW, YOU SHOULD BE SAYING FIRENZE AND NAPOLI!" She yelled out before Noelle looked at her in concern while KoKo sucked on a lollipop.
"Uh, Zip, calm down. You're losing it again." Noelle said as Zipper Lady exhaled, sitting on a bench. "I'm sorry, I'm a little on the edge. Since, you know, we're jumping everywhere for God knows why... Signore sopra, before you know it, the Eiffel Tower will end up turning into a bathroom stall..."
"Besides, Venice would be a bit warmer right?" KoKo said as Zipper curled her fists and looked up, her face red as she close her eyes.
"2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13..." She said, starting to count randomly as KoKo looked curious.
"What's Zipper Lady doing?" KoKo asked Final Countdown.
"Counting prime numbers. She does this to calm herself down whenever she gets angry." FC explained.

Talchyon wrote:The Teetotaler

When Staple Remover Guy approached with finger pointed, the Teetotaler frowned and unsuccessfully tried to brush the finger away. "I say, my good chap. I am a member of the illustrious Minnesota Infinites! I didn't even know we had a branch in Hong Kong. Which, in my opinion, would have done a lot better remaining under the leadership of the Crown and not the mess they got into."

To which Coathangerman said under his breath for the millionth time, "Steve, you're from North Dakota..."

"Are we sure about that?" Zipper Lady said. "He doesn't appear to be a hero of any sort... that appearance seems more sinister than anything. He can't possibly be a hero!"
"Oh god, not this again..." She sighed.

Talchyon wrote:
Calculator called out to the Infinites, "Come on, guys! Now's our chance to do something heroic! Like, get the license plate number of the getaway car for that bank robbery! Or even..." and here his eyes watered and his mouth turned into a hopeful smile, "Maybe even, we might have some way together to... slow down the robbery! Let's get 'em, guys!" And Calculator and the other Infinites with him rushed ahead to thwart the robbery and hopefully not embarrass themselves too much in the process.

"Good grief. At least we're out of that bag of potato chips." Noelle said, following Calculator as KoKo and Zipper Lady followed pursuit. "C'mon, let's get ourselves either hospitalised or found without a permit."
"Did you say potato chips? I love them! My favorite flavor is honey soy chicken, 'cause it's nice and sweet!" KoKo said.
"I prefer salt and vinegar." Zipper Lady said.

by **Danubian Peoples** » Sun Dec 08, 2019 3:41 pm

Talchyon wrote:[snip]

With the sound of someone crying for help, the Spotlight rushed to action.. only to find it was Captain Calculator, crying for help with regards to the alarm he had heard from the nearby bank! o matter, thought the Spotlight, as he dashed towards the bank and stuck to the wall just right of the bank's entrance. He tilted his head to the left and took a peek at the indoors.

So, some masked no-names, a waste of bullets, and pennies. This looks easy enough. I'll just tackle the gun-waving one and take his weapon.. before threatening the rest with.. permanent eye damage! Yes, that should do the trick, the threat of harm is always as good as the real deal. Now to j- Oh no. No no no no.

The Spotlight went, first with closed eyes, and then with an ah, then another, and then a third, and then once the pressure got too high for his heroic nose to muster, a loud choo! A bright flash flew into the bank's interior, momentary but enough to give away his presence.. and also daze anyone looking at his direction.

'Or we could do that,' said the Spotlight, handkerchief over his nose.

by **Flarbinia** » Thu Dec 12, 2019 9:01 pm

The Lucky Huckster reached the vault, one his henchmen touching the vault door, an electric current flowing from his finger tips and travelling up the wall. After an hour, the electricity reached the clock over the vault door, the hour and minute hand changing until the time lock detected the determined time. The Lucky Huckster and his two henchmen rushed inside and began looting the safe deposit boxes, shoving everything from money to jewelry into their gym bags. "Looks like we've gotten enough dough to make this worthwhile. Now let's get the @&*#! out of here before the cops show up." The Lucky Huckster said to the two henchmen as they finished loading up, the three running out of the vault.

by **Talchyon** » Fri Dec 13, 2019 3:02 pm

The bank

The Infinites then reached the bank. Going in, they saw the thugs carrying bags of what looked like stolen valuables. Captain Calculator called out, "Stop, villainous..., um, villains." And just to make matters interesting, started shooting calculators out of his hands, hitting two of the thugs in their guts with a steady stream of Casio SL 100Ls.

Likewise, Glitch called out, "Like, y'know bad guys, and leader guy, like, leading them? We're the Minnesota Infinites. Even though this is Hong Kong not Minnesota, an' like, our worlds got like all meshed an' all, we're like, still, the team on hand to make sure you guys don't, like, win. Y'know?"

Coathangerman got into the game, too. Breaking out some of his wire coathangers, he started whipping them at the face of the Lucky Huckster.

Meanwhile, the Teetotaler had simply stood back and unscrewed his thermos. The thermos of iced tea that he always kept with him and never drank. (And yes, that he did change out from time to time, because if he just kept the same tea in there month after month, that would get really stinky).

A few blocks away
Doc Bur-Ock

Seeing how long the Grandmaster Yuan was taking to answer their friendly request to hitch a ride, Doc Bur-Ock simply told Diet Cola and Florida Man, "Grab him and let's go."

So the two mentioned villains grabbed Grandmaster Yuan into the damaged, dented car that the Invulnerable Lump owned, that was now in their keeping. And they took off.

Doc Bur-Ock said, "You guys hear an alarm going off? What say we go there and find out what's happening and cause some extra mischief?"

by **Danubian Peoples** » Fri Dec 13, 2019 5:33 pm

Talchyon wrote:[snip]

The Spotlight

The Spotlight stood dazed, his eyes still reeling from his runny nose, the Spotlight composed himself, and joined in on the ongoing rumble.

With his teammates going to town with the enemy, from the Captain Calculator showering his foes with Casio SL 100Ls, to Coathangerman pelting the Lucky Huckster with his namesake, the Spotlight decided to join in on the fun, and began fine-tuning his goggles for his laser-pointers.

'Well, wherever this is is probably outside of jurisdiction..'

He then proceeded to grab a thug by the chest and threaten him... 'With permanent eye damage!'

by **Speyland** » Fri Dec 13, 2019 6:09 pm

Grandmaster Yuan

"Hey, what are you doing!?!" The Grandmaster was forced to get in the vehicle as he waited too long to answer it. Now, the Grandmaster pretty much can't do anything at the moment.

by **Flarbinia** » Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:38 pm

The gas mask wearing thug sprayed a cloud of laughing gas from his fingertips, the Lucky Huckster throwing a ball of pennies at the Superhero who threatened his henchman with permanent blindness while the other remaining henchman raised his gun and opened fire on the man who had pelted his boss with coat hangars, the gym bag full of loot still on his back as he missed due to holding his stomach with his good hand. "Who throws calculators at other people." The gas mask wearing thug said as he dropped his gun and pressed his hand against his stomach, the Lucky huckster and the two non-powered henchmen beginning to laugh.

by **Danubian Peoples** » Sun Dec 15, 2019 9:42 am

Flarbinia wrote:[snip]

The Spotlight
As our hero stared down the foe in front of him, eyes dead-seat on the thug's, the Lucky Huckster threw a large ball of pennies towards the Spotlight. The ball of pennies, hurling towards him, was moving slowly enough for the Spotlight to notice, and turn his head towards it-and therefore have the pennies strike him square in the face. The Spotlight was jerked backwards and fell on the floor, his body covered intermmitently with coinage.

'Hey, whose money is this?' weakly asked the Spotlight.

'Because if it ain't no one's, then I'll be making off with these coins-after I take you down of course.'

The Spotlight got up and readied himself for round two. He scooped up the pennies on the floor and threw some of them at the Lucky Huckster, brazenly trying to shower him in his own medicine. With some pennies in his other hand, the Spotlight readied for another toss, before he clenched his gut, and started laughing. Both hands now lying on his belly, the pennies he was holding fell to the ground, bouncing and rattling off the bank floor.

'Make... Make it stop...' he said weakly, his words only briefly interrupting his uncontrollable laughter.

by **Flarbinia** » Tue Dec 17, 2019 8:01 pm

The Lucky Huckster attempted to form the pennies that had been tossed at him into a shuriken, only for them to fall to the ground as his laughter threw off what little concentration he had left. Comedy Club picked up his gun and fired at the window, the glass shattering and letting some air in. Realizing that he did not have the time to reload, he threw his gun at the man who had pelted him and the Lucky Huckster with calculators to distract the Superhero while he helped the Lucky Huckster and the tech specialist to their feet.

by **Brancoveanic Transylvania** » Tue Dec 17, 2019 11:33 pm

As they rushed towards the bank, being a fair bit behind, and witnessed the defeat of Spotlight, Kokomo, Noelle and Zipper Lady flinched as they watched Comedy Club and the Huckster flee, the trio stopped and looked over at the scene.
"What's going on?" Noelle said in confusion, watching on.
"I don't know... a cluster of pennies just hit our comrade Spotlight... and those aren't soft, if I remember correctly." Zipper Lady analysed.
"Wait, but if coins really are that hard, then how does Scrooge McDuck dive into 'em everyday?" Kokomo asked, Zipper Lady sighing and facepalming in response.

Talchyon wrote:
A few blocks away
Doc Bur-Ock

Seeing how long the Grandmaster Yuan was taking to answer their friendly request to hitch a ride, Doc Bur-Ock simply told Diet Cola and Florida Man, "Grab him and let's go."

So the two mentioned villains grabbed Grandmaster Yuan into the damaged, dented car that the Invulnerable Lump owned, that was now in their keeping. And they took off.

Doc Bur-Ock said, "You guys hear an alarm going off? What say we go there and find out what's happening and cause some extra mischief?"

"Hmmm... I guess it wouldn't hurt." DIA said, putting her hands together, Prophetie looking into her comic book as Diana peered over. "What's the horoscope say?"
"Well... according to this page... One day a group of Marie's friends got together to have a bit of mean-spirited fun at the bank. Then, all the sudden, a stranger told a really funny joke. Everyone thought it was so funny, they laughed themselves until they passed out!" Marie said in her traditional French accent.
"Geez... I'm guessing the joke is this whole adventure, right?" Mite said.
"Not quite... the man was covered in yellow clouds! Look, he's even farting one in this panel!" Marie giggled.

by **Panira** » Wed Dec 18, 2019 5:04 pm

Chaz C. Cheesington - The Cheese Wiz

As per new character protocol, Chaz had been with the Infinites the entire time - throughout the first meeting, the speed bump, the meteor, the glowing rock, the Hong Kong situation and now the bank robbery (which was quite a lot, yet it had all breezed by so quickly. Like, it would have only occupied about 4 pages of... let's say a novel). Although he'd had his thoughts on each of those occurrences, he hadn't been able to vocalize them, for he had been attempting unsuccessfully to rid his mouth of the calculators that had occupied it. It was a funny situation - he had arrived for the initial meeting, noticed that there was for the sixth meeting in a row a distinctive lack of cheese snacks, and had been once again very vocal about his displeasure with that fact. Chaz wasn't a complainer by nature, but he felt he had no choice but to speak up on a matter as grave as this. It was a spiel that everyone in the Infinites had heard plenty of times before and yet had done nothing about despite their continued annoyance at him bringing it up. This was because Chaz was the only one who took the threat of meat supremacy seriously. So the good Captain Calculator, desiring to prevent another meeting where Chaz did nothing but complain about cheese, had waited for Chaz to yawn (which happened often, given that at night Chaz often got too distracted creating and then acing Quizlets about niche Asian cheeses to sleep), and he then proceeded to summon and launch an unnecessary amount of calculators into Chaz's mouth in order to keep him quiet. It was a scenario that Chaz found to be quite ludicrous (which was rich, coming from a guy with cheese powers), a bit contrived (also rich, coming from a guy with his backstory), and perhaps uncharacteristic of the Captain. Nonetheless, it worked, as Chaz was forced to spend the entire rest of the story so far in complete silence figuring out a way to get the calculators out of his mouth. They were so jam-packed in there that he couldn't just take them out with his hands. Just after the point in time where the last post took place, Chaz had finally figured it out: he had used the Mozzarella Touch to turn each calculator into cheese, which he had then consumed. Each calculator tasted delicious, but he had a massive stomachache and plenty of gas after the fact. Despite that, he was a hero, and he had a job to do.

He turned and noticed Spotlight incapacitated on the ground with laughter, with the two villains that Chaz didn't recognize now facing little to no resistance in a possible escape and the other Infinites too occupied dealing with henchmen to stop them. Chaz had to do something drastic, and he quickly arrived at a solution. He had always wondered what would happen if he used the Mozzarella Touch on the skin of a human being - would they die of suffocation? Would their skin just turn into cheese? Would their cheese skin be edible? If so, was that the solution to world hunger? Chaz had no answers to any of those questions, but he strangely decided it was worth a shot nonetheless. Removing a Monterey Mitten and charging at the villains, Chaz let out a very poorly phrased battle cry that can be rephrased if it's determined to be not-PG: "STAND DOWN, EVILDOERS! I WANT TO TOUCH YOU!"

Hamand M. Cheesington - The Behamoth

"Finally!" Hamand spoke up. "Some real mischief!"

Her peers were mildly surprised that she had said something, much less something so enthusiastic. Hamand had been with her villain peers for the entirety of this story arc's events, but she had been in what she called a "talking fast" that had started in protest of a joke that Doc Bur-Ock had made about German sausages a few villain meetings ago. Hamand, certain that the fact that anyone could feel even remotely comfortable joking about meat was a sign of the ironclad grip that the Cheese Wizzers held over the naive fools of the earth, had then spent most of the rest of her time since then debating whether or not Doc Bur-Ock was secretly the Earth's Cheese Wiz, and thus if he needed to die or not. She had been uncertain until the very car ride that was occurring at that moment, during which Doc Bur-Ock had made another joke about smelly cheese, which had convinced Hamand that he couldn't possibly be the Cheese Wiz and thus won back her trust.

Hamand spoke again. "Alarms are a surefire signal of the presence of the Cheesehive," (which was a less clever derivative of the Beyhive that Hamand used as a slur for all the folks who she believed to be part of the cheese world order.) "Meat supremacists are too smart to call attention to their presence like that. They wait in the shadows, steathily, because they fight for the truth yet no one believes them. They're society's outcasts. But someday! Someday, I say! Meat supremacy will reign! Beefistopheles is inevitable!"

Her train of thought had, to stick with the train metaphor, completely derailed. That fact was not lost on the villains who had heard her, all of whom now sported bemused looks that Hamand didn't notice. Hamand, now feeling bold and inspirational like that anti-Semite in that Scottish war kilt movie, concluded: "They may take our lives, but they will never take... our BACON!!! Now who's with me?!?" She awaited the responses of her villain friends.

by **Flarbinia** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 8:08 am

The Lucky Huckster, still laughing, formed the pennies into caltrops and threw them on the floor while Comedy Club sprayed the strange man with a small mist, uttering the word "mediocre" as he, the Lucky Huckster, and his remaining henchman began to flee from the scene. With the HKPD on its way, they did not have the time to gloat or attempt to retrieve the rest of the crew, let alone fight some protracted battle straight out of a comic book with some Little League superheroes.

by **Talchyon** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:08 pm

The bank heist

Henchmen, by definition, need to be bad shots. That's one of the official requirements for henchmen of all sorts. If you look very carefully at the Star Wars Stormtrooper application, line 364b, you will find "Are you a poor shot?" as an unskippable question. Answer that question with a "Yes," and you're in as a new henchman. That's the end-all, be-all. Fail that question and you won't be taken on as a henchman. And it's not just for stormtroopers, either. You could give a similar application process to Prince John's archers against the Merry Men. Or to the criminal looters stopped by Spiderman. Or most people who belong to the Green Party. Either way, like all Henchmen and sycophants, they all have to be bad shots.

Which is why Coathangerman wasn't worried at all when the henchmen near him started aiming his gun. He knew the deal. The guy had the look of "Henchman" written all over him. And sure enough, the guy missed.

Coathangerman laughed. "Ha ha ha!" But then, he found he couldn't stop laughing. "Ha. Ha ha! Ha, ha ha, ha ha ha. Ha. Hee hee ha. Stop it ha! Why am I laughing ha! Ok! Ha ha! Maybe think of... Ha!...something serious! Haha! Lololol! Haha hee Ha. Ok! Here goes. Ha ha. Cancer! High taxes! Ha ha! Lousy road construction crews that take months! Ha ha! Argh! It's not ha ha not working!"

Meanwhile, Captain Calculator was now starting to feel bad about cramming those calculators at the beginning of the night into Cheese Wiz's mouth. It had all started out as a funny joke, a bet really between he and Glitch about how many calculators would fit in a guy's mouth for an extended period of time, and then, he kind of lost track of it. So when he heard Cheese Wiz pipe up, Captain Calculator flashed him a pained look and said, "Oh! Sorry about those calculators, Cheese. I didn't mean anything bad. But let's get these guys!"

Just then, an object came flying his way!

The gun hit the surprised Captain Calculator right in the solar plexus. He got the wind knocked out of him. Fortunately, the laughing gas was starting to air out, thanks to the shattered glass. Calculator began to recover as the bad guys rushed past him.

Flarbinia wrote:The Lucky Huckster, still laughing, formed the pennies into caltrops and threw them on the floor while Comedy Club sprayed the strange man with a small mist, uttering the word "mediocre" as he, the Lucky Huckster, and his remaining henchman began to flee from the scene. With the HKPD on its way, they did not have the time to gloat or attempt to retrieve the rest of the crew, let alone fight some protracted battle straight out of a comic book with some Little League superheroes.

Fortunately, the Teetotaler who had stayed back, and Glitch who had also stayed back, were there to prevent anyone from leaving. From out of the Teetotaler's thermos came a large, flat, rubbery-type screen that covered the exit - all made of tea. His ability to manipulate tea into solid objects had come in handy this time, making a rubberized barrier out the exit. The henchmen who ran into it first, bounced back into each other. And hard. They were knocked out, and fell to the floor. The Teetotaler merely smirked.

But Glitch stepped forward to the Lucky Huckster and Comedy Club, thankful that the penny-caltrops were all behind the Huckster and closer to the middle of the room (because he wouldn't have been that dumb to throw caltrops in front of him as he was running). And Glitch simply said, amid guffaws, "S'like, huh, now y'guys are in it. 'Cause like, huh, we're like super, an' all. Huh huh huh. An' you're like, dumb an' all." Glitch used the only power he could actively use - the power that turns people into absolute complete morons for a little while, and then has the unfortunate side effect of turning them into absolute complete geniuses also for a little while, before returning them back to normal. But at least, now that Lucky Huckster and Comedy Club were cerebrally impaired and stupid, whatever that would mean for them, that bought them some time.

Coathangerman, thankfully, was getting back to normal, thanks to the shattered glass and the air coming in. Calculator was getting his wind back.

And, it was at that time that Calculator's cell phone went off, with his favorite ring tone sounding throughout the bank. The bank employees, the other Infinites, and surely the villains took a moment to stare in shock and horror at the awful music tastes of Captain Calculator. He himself was confused why he was getting a call now, so he pulled out his phone. The number was blocked, and he didn't think now was the time to engage in a conversation with a telemarketer about necessary home safety customs the telemarketer should use in his own home. So he put the phone back as a muffled voice left a message on the answering machine. A muffled voice that no one could either tell who it was or what was being said.

But no matter. That could be dealt with later. Calculator moved to the broken window and positioned himself in front of the broken glass, hands raised and ready to shoot Casios and Texas Instruments calculators at any villain daring to come through.

by **Danubian Peoples** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 3:53 pm

Talchyon wrote:[wow, that's a very big post]

The Spotlight

With the gas airing out through the broken window, the Spotlight now lay on the floor, his laugh getting weaker and weaker.

'Hahaha.. ha, ha.. ha..'

'Hahaha! High taxes! Good one, Coathangerman! Hahaha!'

As the Spotlight got up and his laughter trailed off once again, he primed himself for an attack. Ignoring Captain Calculator's music sense, he clenched his fists, bent his knees, and prepared for a scuffle with the offending characters.

'Look alive and look at me, adversaries! This'll be the last thing you look at for a while.'

The Spotlight's power came on, and an idimidating red light came out of his goggles. And then a green light. Then a blue light. Gradually, faster and faster, and more intense each time, the Spotlight changed the color coming out of his eyes. Eventually they'd be brilliantly flashing, enough to disorient any onlooker with ease. Right now, the flurry of color was a slow process, each hue taking roughly a second to change to the next.

'No one, and I mean no one, makes me laugh like- what the?'

Smoke aired from the dial on the Spotlight's goggles. The wafting fumes were akin to those from a incense stick, though far less fragrant. Accompanying was a *krrcth sound, and an exasperated sigh from the Spotlight.

'Oh come on! This is the third time this month, and I specifically designed these to not fail! I'm looking at you, Glitch' he said, an arm outstretched at his teamamte.

'Now, to take these off..'

However, trouble was to manifest, as the Spotlight, try as he might couldn't get the goggles off, and the cyclically changing colors he was shining gradually sped up..

'The strap too? Now, I'll just stop shining.'

He blinked.

'I said, stop shining.'

Another blink.

'I sai- nooo. Nonono..'

With the Spotlight unable to deactivate his power, and his goggles primed to launch a flurry of sickness-inducing colors, he began to frantically claw at them, desparate to remove them from his face. Doing otherwise would leave him a walking, talking health hazard until his power came to its senses. His head jerked in all manner of directions as he tried to take them off, reds, blues and greens moving from wall to bank floor to another wall to roof... It was only a matter of time until the inevitable..

by **Flarbinia** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 6:39 pm

Fortunately for the Lucky Huckster and his two remaining henchmen, solid or not, tea was not known for its durability. Unable to comprehend the option of simply going around the exit, heading out the shattered window, and running to alleyway where they hid the getaway van thanks to the sudden IQ drop caused by someone named Glitch, the Lucky Huckster and his henchmen punched and kicked the wall until it crumbled.

by **Whalestron** » Thu Dec 19, 2019 10:58 pm

"Yeah, no. No, I understand. Yes, I'm their intern." Sarah made her way into the center of the room despite the action. In her hands were a clipboard and some sheets of paper. Her cellphone was wedged between her shoulder and ear. She was on the phone with some very important people; the people who rented out the Infinites' meeting place every week.

Sarah, completely oblivious to the chaos erupting all around the bank, made a path for Calculator. "Look, I don't care if Timmy is suffering from an incurable form of purple skin and frog lips, I-" she paused as the other person said something.

"Oh, that's a thing?"

She subconsciously ducked to avoid a flying tire. Though, where that had come from, she had no idea.

"Well at least he can still talk, right?" Another pause as she grimaced. "Tongue fell off due to soap poison?"

Sarah paced around, motioning for those around her to quiet down. Didn't they know it was rude to cause mayhem while someone was on the phone? "Look, they don't have anywhere else to hold the meeting. Timmy's Bat Mitsvah can wait until Friday."

"Oh. Thursday's the latest he's going to live for? Well, I guess I could talk to N- uh, the Captain, about it... yes. Yes, I know they're not superheroes. Okay. Okay, yeah I'll tell him."

With that, she hung up, speaking to the good Captain. "Lorraine said that town hall is going to be booked with some kid's Bat Mitsvah on Thursday, so we'll need a new venue for the meeting." She flipped through her clipped pages. "Oh, and she says that the radioactive goo on the ceiling needs to be cleaned up better. She said, and I quote, 'nobody but those hooligans could possibly get something like that up there without any explanation.'"

Sarah looked around the room as if just realizing where she was. "This isn't the police station," she gasped in awe. "Are we finally stopping a crime?!"

The Infinites - Infinite Gauntlet (Comedy, Supers)- IC, Done

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