Saldinado wrote:Shaun Calhoun
While listening to the meek and nimble response of Soleil's explanation, Shaun continued to stare out into the lake. He knew that looking at Sol would just create a weakness in him; like scolding a puppy. And he couldn't just forgive and forget that easily. It hasn't even been half a day yet. Although hearing that Allistor was going to be find did make him feel at ease a lot more. And in response he silently exhaled a deep feeling of relief. But then came the apology.
This time, Shaun turned his attention to Sol and closely listened to the words he said. His tired eyes observing his body language. Soon a small frown came across his face and then shook his head before speaking.
"No...As much as it was...abrupt and awkward and unexpected...I still appreciate you coming to me and saying what's on your mind instead of bottling it all up. Although I will be honest, if this were to be someone else that you would propose such feelings to...I don't know what type of outcome might happen. It probably could've ended a lot worst than it did now." Sighing for a bit, Shaun turned his attention back to the lake; the fog slightly clearing up and the silent crashing of the waves quieting down now. Perhaps they too were interested in what was going to happen next and anxiously waited for an answer to this conflict.
"And yeah...I am confused and just...awkward about the whole thing. Maybe a little vexed, but not angry. And let's be honest. I can't be happy all the time. Regardless of who I'm around and what I do. Things happen and sometimes that feeling of happiness just goes away. But...I can't really complain. Its just the way life works."
And without missing a beat, Shaun placed hand on Soleil's shoulder and gently rubbed it with a slight grip as a form a reassurance before speaking once more. "I love you. I really do. But, that love is just...different from what type of love you have for me. I'm not mad that you feel this way. In fact, I should apologize if I did anything to lead you on or make you feel this way. It was never my plan and I hope you can understand. I don't want things to become awkward and uncomfortable between us to the point where we should just avoid talking. So if there's anyway to fix things, I would like to talk about them with you. So we could prevent something far worst from happening."
Shaun slowly exhaled the tension sitting in his chest, and he turned to look at Soleil as he spoke about his own feelings. He was still angry about his and Allistor’s fight, but he also showed signs of relief as the boy explained that Allistor was recovering well. He only wanted for his dear companion to be safe, and since he had not mortally wounded himself, Shaun had reason to let go of some of his anger and frustration. But then Soleil gave the stuttered apology, and all became quiet again. The boy could feel the icy spray of the water misting his cheek, and he shuddered. His heart beat fast in his chest.
Once again, Shaun took his time trying to console his friend. He was glad Soleil had not bottled his feelings, though in reality the younger Mage had felt he had been bottling these feelings for weeks. He could never put words or a face to them, but now he could...partially. Maybe a word in some other language would describe the rush of emotions Soleil felt during his nightmares, the warm serenity he felt hugging Shaun close in the lavender fields, or the stinging grief in his heart when he saw Shaun’s bloodied body in the fields. All at once.
He gave a crumpled smile at first, trying to show that he was not disappointed that Shaun did not love him that way. He wondered why he wished for one of these two friends to like him, anyway. It had to be envy...I’ve been angry and saddened for so long...I just wanted to feel...anything...that might feel like true happiness again. But...friendship is happiness, isn’t it? So...why have I become this way? he pondered. Shaun had nothing for which he needed to apologize, but Soleil wondered...what really he could apologize for doing. “...I...I guess I’ve just been so lonely...I...I guess I started to...unconsciously wonder, um...what it’s like to have someone hug you at night...instead of feeling all lonely. Or...what it’s like to have...someone who...sees the stars when they look at you...”
Soon, his crumpled smile smoothed and became a genuine smile. His eyes twinkled, and his heart warmed as he looked at his best friend. He knew that if he had confessed to someone more dense or unforgiving, he would be considered a creep. Luckily, Shaun knew he was not a creep, just a lost lamb looking for someone to love and guide him. “...But...you’re my best friend, and...I love you too!...We can still love each other...as friends. I...I just wish I knew why I was having these dreams...There’s a castle in them, too...and I think...someone else was there. But I don’t know who. Maybe...um...Have you ever had dreams that...made you question who you were?” he inquired. He leaned closer to his friend, hoping Shaun would still be okay with the younger boy leaning on him for comfort.