The Infinites: The Dork Knight (Comedy, Supers, Dead) - IC

by **Whalestron** » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:13 pm

Sarah Osborne
The Fight

The intern had barely been outside of the car for a moment before she was bombarded by various flavors of ice cream. Had she recently broken up with someone, or failed a test, she might have found the whole situation glorious. But the partially-melted creamy goodness landed on her shoes, running shoes that hadn’t cost more than fifteen dollars, sure, but they were her shoes!

“That’s it!” She yelled. The lady, still dolled up in her ‘entertainer’ costume, marched forward. The ice cream merely bounced off of her or fell short of the raging monster that was Sarah. “I have a huge job interview tomorrow and I am not going to have ice cream thrown at me by some creep!” The girl grabbed the man by the collar, hoisting him towards her as she began violently preparing to punch him, the absolute madness of it all!

by **Zjaum** » Tue Aug 28, 2018 7:46 am

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Aubree loved ice cream. She enjoyed it lots. However, she had a very specific set of taste buds, and her local drugstore only had vanilla. As a direct result of this, she got giddy seeing all the flavors, taking a brief moment to savor each flavor as they were flung directly at her. Different flavors, obviously, got different reactions. "Okay. Great! Meh. Oh my gosh, they actually make that- Ech! That's not half bad. Uh... oh, ouch, that's a golf ball. Ah, shoot, my teeth hurt now. Oh golly. Ow, that's another ball. Do you know how fast and hard golf balls are at point-blank, sir? You're supposed to fling them dozens of yards, but they barely make one- ow. You're lucky that I have the practical hull of a battleship or else- ouch. HEY, I'm talking to yo- oh, fun, black cherry!"

Her demeanor was growing a little grumpier but was mollified by the ice cream. Two forces warred within her, whether to be happy or angry. She decided to go with both, resulting in an odd mix of emotions she'd never felt before as she grabbed hold of the iron mid-swing.

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

"Look, it's just a book," Henry said, not bother to read the title. "What are the odds that, like, it's his absolute favorite read of all time, a book that he would go to war over and sacrifice his family and friends just to look at one more time, a novel that, if I left this house with it in my possession, I would face torture unimaginable before a painful yet merciful death. Come on, that'd be as silly as making it the color- oh, hey, it IS purple."

by **Saxatoon** » Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:46 am

The battle was fierce, well, perhaps that would be poor choice in words. The battle was definitely a battle. That much is for sure. And during the escalating climax of it all, a spotted black and white figure emerged from just around the corner, where a patch of long grass now lay unmolested.

"You'd had your fun ruffian! Now you face a true he-...".

Just as the lanky Mootown Maniac leapt forward to deliver his savior-esqe speech, a particularly wet ball of frozen delight struck him down, knocking the loose grass from his teeth. He tried to disagree with this distasteful action against him with a flurry of curses, but again was struck. Though this time, it was a completely solid golf ball. Looks like today wouldn't be all sprinkles and icecream as he had hoped.

"Ow! Are you serious right now!? Gosh dangit Sub-par man! Our nephews play together at the rec center. How could you do this!?", he shouted while tending the lump on his forehead. "As for you!", he exclaimed to Scooperman with a wild look in his eyes, "You will pay dearly for your blatant disrespect of all things dairy!". Just as he said this, his entire body began to vibrate and tail started to flourish in beautiful and mesmerizing circles. All that he was and will be came to the forefront of the battle as he took initiative and delivered a devastating blow to Scooperman's arsenal of sweet treats. With a whip of his tail and a roaring "moo!" he accurately spoiled the icecream projectiles in mid-air! Such tact.

by **Talchyon** » Thu Aug 30, 2018 9:44 pm

The Fight!
The 4 bad guys. (Because, let's face it. Anyone fighting the Minnesota Infinites has to be bad guys. Or just punk kids messing around, who may just be more on the miscreant side than actually "bad guys".)

Being hoisted by the collar, what little of a collar a man who has a crew-neck blue super suit with a red cape can have, Scooperman scowled. The lady of ill repute who wanted to get a decent job had temporarily foiled his plan of combating the Infinites with various flavors of ice cream. He scowled, until she started violently preparing to punch him. (Which, I don't know about you, but any time I've seen someone prepare to punch someone else, the preparation itself isn't violent. Only the punch itself is. But apparently, Sarah could cause harm - maybe to herself - by simply preparing. Anyways, it was violent. Because the previous poster said so.)

When the violence had subsided, enough anyway, Scooperman was looking like a Chunky Monkey, dragged over a Rocky Road through Turtle Tracks in Neapolitan, Italy. He looked either like he was trying to gather his thoughts, or trying to remember who he was, so violently had Sarah prepared to punch him (even though she actually didn't punch him).

But that didn't stop him from flinging more ice cream!

The different flavors were having their desired effect of distracting the heroes. And if any of them were to eat the ice cream really fast, why, they'd have a headache too!

Meanwhile, Subpar-man was busy hitting golf balls into people. One ball... two balls... three balls... fore. Where was he getting all of these golf balls? Why, it was from his golf club bag. Not having a caddy, the golfer bad guy was doing it the old fashioned way. What, you thought that he was summoning them from another dimension where there were only golf balls and golf ball generators? No! This was the old standard, normal way of golfing. Which meant, pretty soon he was going to run out and have to find the golf balls before he could tee up again.

Reacting like a reactionary with reactivity, Subpar-man reacted. "Hey!", reacted he.

But at the Mootown Maniac's outburst about nephews, Subpar-man looked puzzled. "But... We don't have any nephews. We're all just clones... Kind of. We were created by..."

"QUIET, YOU FOOL!", yelled Hooperman, who by this time had created a pretty large collection of useless hoops and was making even more. "That would give the plan away! We were told to NOT give the plan away! Not until it's time!"

The spoiled ice cream projectiles began to smell not as sweet. But they still were being thrown at the heroes. Even with his face bashed in by Sarah's violent preparations, somehow unconsciously, his arms continued to move as if throwing scoops of ice cream was so natural to him that he could do unconsciously.

Finally, Sha-booperman had gotten his Motown groove on, and was snapping his fingers and shuffling his feet to the beat of some song that only he could hear. But he managed to elbow Aubree (accidentally), not paying much attention to her.

Wayne Bruce's 2nd mansion
Doc Bur-Ock

The book Blimp-Man had grabbed was the color purple. And in fact, that was its name too. It was a copy of The Color Purple. With a purple binding, too. Or was it lilac? Who cared. Doc Bur-Ock began to see all kinds of possible conspiracy theories in how that had all shaped up.

Just then, an elderly butler appeared, and said in a monotone voice droning on, "I don't know who you are or what you are doing with Master Bruce's novel. One, I might add, that is his absolute favorite read of all time, a book that he would go to war over and sacrifice his family and friends just to look at one more time, a novel that, if anyone left this house with it in his possession, would face torture unimaginable before a painful yet merciful death."

Doc Bur-Ock froze. He tentatively asked the man, "And who are you?"

The elderly butler droned on, "I am Winfred the butler."

Doc Bur-Ock squinted, and said, "You're a butler? What is it exactly that you do?"

The elderly butler monotoned, "I buttle, sir."

Doc Bur-Ock looked rather confused, and then tried to engage Winfred to buy some fake insurance and sign some papers, hoping that Blimp Man would either put the book back or hide it on his person unseen, and make it only seem like he had put the book back. Either way was fine.

by **Zjaum** » Fri Aug 31, 2018 8:00 am

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

"What, you never heard the term 'buttle' before?" noted Henry. "Not from the puerile days of your youth when terms such as 'Uranus' and 'asinine' were considered the avant-garde of comedy? I weep for you, sir. I would have suspected you, of all people, with your lawyering and endless devotion to the literal and specific, would have knowledge of the designation. You disappoint." Henry was doing his best to mimic the butler, even though the butler seemed, if anything, to be mimicking him. So, in reality, he was just displaying a persona of his own attitude towards the rest of the villain group. He even did it in a proper intellectual British accent, which the servant had at that time shown no implication of having.

Meanwhile, he had ignored the book in his hand, going so far as to, after his petite tirade, forget why he had a book in his hand and stuff it in his backpack. Right next to the water rockets.

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

At this point, Aubree had realized one universal truth: Hooperman was the cinch pin. Subpar-man was ready to squeal, and everyone but Hooperman would let him. She- ow- what was with that elbow? It seemed accidental, but it was the sharpest, most forceful joint across which she'd ever come! She was shocked for a moment. Wait a minute. If his power came from those hoops, perhaps cutting those hoops would weaken his power, and he could finally be vanquished once and for all! She grabbed Sha-Booperman by the arm. "If you'll excuse me, please, I have need of your elbow."

by **Xah** » Tue Sep 04, 2018 1:06 am

~~The Man With No Name~~ Alan
Fight scene location

"I have no idea what's going on..." Alan muttered. He'd been struck with a golf ball (which hurt!), gotten spoiled ice cream on his nice outfit, tripped over a hoop and really, really detested the dance moves. He couldn't get his head into the game, even with the stirring, morale boosting music the band were playing. That the weird dancing man was entirely out of step with it just irritated him even more. It was almost like that feeling you got after coming back to work after some time off... but that was silly. Not so long ago he was visiting an old woman in hospital, now this. He let out a long breath, fate insisted he be a hero, so a hero he must be.

He eyed his gun suspiciously, like one might examine an unexploded bomb with a hidden timer. He then shifted his gaze to the four unusual suspects and raised his weapon. "Excuse me," he squeaked, before clearing his throat. "Excuse me," he said, in a far more manly tone. "Could you please stop fighting?" What's the words? Oh yeah. "Er, hands up? We're the hero group the Minnesota Infinites, and you're the baddies. Narrative insists that we win, so you might as well give up now." He tried to ignore the disapproving stares from the mariachi band at his less-than-heroic words.

by **The Last Abode of Pando** » Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:25 am

The Minnesota Twins
Ed and Aesculapius

Between the time portals and the standing still, the twins were beginning to run out of excuses for why they didn't seem to do anything, ever. Their Conveniently Placed Excuse this time is that, after leaving the hospital, both Johnson brothers proceeded to place specially made two-person noise-cancelling earbuds in their ears. Seated on the side of the Infinite-mobile directly opposite where all the fighting was taking place, Artis the Spoonman's greatest hits flowing into their ears, Ed and Aesculapius had not realized that any fighting was occurring. Once the album had finished, Ed glanced out the window and saw four blue-and-red costumed men fighting the Infinites.

"Hey, Aesculapius, we need to go help them fight those men," he said, pointing at the Infinites.

The Twins took out the earbuds, opened the door quietly, and without conferring, crept toward the nearest of the doppelgängers, maneuvering to be out of this specific man's line of sight. Once they got behind him, Ed held up his hand, gesturing "5, 4, 3, 2, 1," and the two brothers wrapped all four of their arms around Hooperman. Unfortunately, five seconds after they wrapped Hooperman up, Aesculapius unknowingly swapped Hooperman and Captain Calculator.

Hey, his power can't always work for the benefit of the heroes, now can it?

Florida Man
David Adams

His disguise had worked perfectly; no one had seen him standing in the middle of the library, holding a small marble bust of Wayne Bruce's head behind his back. Who knew that standing so incredibly still that no one could see you could actually work?

by **Zjaum** » Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:37 pm

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

After remembering that he had the novel, it dawned on him. Certainly a steward as loyal as the man standing before him would have made a move to take the book if The Color Purple was so precious to his master. A phone call to the police or an advancement toward Henry's position would have sufficed. That, or perhaps the butler weighed his chances, attempting to hide the fact that he's incredibly weak, slow, and frail? A single blow might shatter him to a thousand pieces! Or maybe... he wasn't all that loyal? Perhaps he can be bribed into bending to the will of the... the villains group. Screw it, we're calling it the Orient Villains Group now. A sleeper agent on the inside surely has a few advantages.

Clearly removing the book didn't do anything. Clearly removing the marble bust didn't do anything. But maybe...

Henry meandered over to a poker rack near a suspicious-looking fireplace. He didn't have any money, or at least practically nothing compared to the butler's annual salary, but there were other methods to persuade a geezer to switch sides. He gently put his hand on the lever-looking structure, implying that he would hold one up to the butler. Apparently he wasn't implying all that hard, because the only thing he was able to do was push the rack next to the fireplace slightly to the diagonal. Hinshaw seemed to hear some sort of "click" noise, as if he activated something, but it could easily have just been him.

Ten dimensions of chess and counting.

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

"Oh, hello!" Aubree exclaimed to the individual with no name, the arm of Sha-Booperman in hand. "I coulda sworn that you were in the alleyway, the last time I saw you! What are you doing at this hospital, in front of which we met the Mootown Maniac, and also in front of which we learned that the supervillains which we fight were actually clones, created by a as-of-yet unnamed (thanks to Hooperman) shady figure! What a coinkydink!"

Sha-Booperman attempted to release himself from her reach, but his insistence on following his own beat allowed Goldilocks to just barely catch him again. She walked over to Hooperman, Sha-Booperman's finger in tow. She approached the pile of hoops that had been produced, yanked her captured villain towards her, and began rubbing his elbow against the ringlets in a sort of sawing motion. In a short while, Hooperman's spawn would be cut off, and then something would happen. Any day now...

by **Whalestron** » Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:05 pm

Sarah Osborne

After what seemed to be an eternity of holding her arm back violently (the thing would probably explode without the focus she kept) and hoisting the poor ice cream villain up in the air, Sarah aimed a punch directly for his nose. Her fist made contact with the guy's nose and she immediately released him, recoiling backwards as if in shock from her actions.

“Oh my god,” she began hurriedly. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to-“ she bent down to examine the villain. “Hey, can someone call an ambulance? I think I broke his nose!”

???

What appeared to be a fire hydrant dressed in a trenchcoat and ushanka bearing the sickle and hammer symbol of the soviets gave a chuckle at Sarah's words.

“I am afraid your leetle fight is now over.” The insidious voice sounded. The phony-hydrant raised their head just enough that one could spot the stitched grin of Nikolai the Communist Teddy Bear! As if someone had said his name with shock and surprise, the bear laughed again and responded.

“Yes, eet eez me! Ive been standing there for several hours waiting for this exact fight to break out. Prepare to die, democratic dogs!” He shouted, pulling out two oversized Russian weapons. The bear took aim with the two digits he called hands and somehow managed to fire. The blast sent him flying backwards into a car, the Infinites' car to be exact, and caused the alarm to go off.

On a completely unrelated note, the bullets completely missed their targets, likely finding their mark in some unfortunate scoop of ice cream that was melting at a pitiful pace.

by **Talchyon** » Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:22 pm

Wayne Bruce's 2nd mansion
Winfred the butler

If one had been watching Winfred the butler closely, very closely, they might have noticed the slightest of all slight twitches at the sound of the "click" by the fireplace. Perhaps it was because that click meant something! Something secret! Or perhaps, it was a symptom of oncoming Parkinson's. But only a doctor would know, and the only doctor present was Doc Bur-Ock, and that wasn't his specialty.

Winfred said, "Excuse me, but if you are wanting to see Master Wayne, he is not here right now. You can see him at the debates tonight if you so choose. But until then, you are going to have to leave." There was no threat, no show of force, nothing but the words of an elderly butler.

Winfred also had not seen Florida Man. He had stood so still, the butler had obviously looked over him and assumed that Florida Man was simply part of the new decor. Nor had he seen the marble bust of his wealthy employer being taken. Florida Man, however, hadn't counted on this small marble bust weighing as much as it did. It was small, but very compact. And let's just say it would lead to very bad posture in the future if Florida Man were to hold onto it behind his back, or in front, or on top of his head, or practically anywhere, for any length of time.

The lamest fight ever
The 4 super-suited bad guys (as the narrative has so labeled them. And of course, the narrator is always honest and never lies, so of course they must be truly bad).

It was bedlam. Not only were the Infinites getting the upper hand on the blue and red costumed clones (or, in the case of Aubrey, getting Sha-Booperman's upper arm and finger).

Not only had Sarah perhaps broken the first bone in her first time of ever fighting someone ever, possibly.

Not only had the no-name guy drawn an actual gun, and had actually done something rather smart. (Unless you're a prosecuting attorney, in which case, it could be argued that he had actually done a criminal offense. Fortunately, not having a name that was known, Mr. Mariachi or whatever it was he was going by now shouldn't expect any subpoenas any time soon).

But the twins somehow stopped appearing all staticky, and managed to rescue Captain Calculator from jail, who in some esoteric and unexplainable way, had somehow switched his position with Hooperman! Now Hooperman was in jail, Calculator was free, and the twins were hanging all over him!

And even more, all of a sudden, the evil villain, Nikolay, the commie-teddy bear, showed up in disguise as a fire hydrant! Also packing lead! (And it's too bad he didn't notice the dog who had taken a very shall we say natural interest in the fire hydrant costume and had done something very normal but very rarely gets mentioned in comic books on it).

What was going to happen with all this? Why, here's what happened.

Sha-Booperman was annoyed that his arm was being used as a saw. He tried to jive, but couldn't. It annoyed him. But somehow, Aubrey's strength and persistence somehow led to some of Hooperman's hoops being cut through. "Say what, man?" he cried out as his arm was being jerked around. But no noticeable effect happened as the hoops were cut through. The clones still remained.

With Hooperman now gone, Scooperman (who was still being crushed) gasped, and Sub-parman (whose golf club was still being held and who was prevented from attacking) cried out, "You thought that cutting those ridiculous hoops would destroy us? That's completely dumb! All Hooperman can do is make hoops. They don't really do anything, but he can sure make them. But thinking that if you destroy them, you destroy us? Now that's a laugh!"

At the sight of Nikolay, the clones sneered. Scooperman said, "Oh look. Is this your pet, Infinites?" Yet when the bullets blasted through his melting, sour scoop of Tin Roof Sundae, a small tear came to his eye. The poor ice cream! What did it ever do to deserve that? (And again, it's not like Scooperman blinked out of existence with that, or lost any of his powers. He was just showing emotion).

Sub-parman responded, "And anyway, we're not all clones of Hooperman specifically. I mean, yeah, he's one of us. But the mastermind who all cloned us, cloned us together for his ~~ulterior motives~~ secret plan! Just like he cloned Sleutherman, Soup-erman, and Slooperman, who got attacked in that alley, and..." At which, the other red-and-blue-caped-and-costumed-combatants shushed him, and told him he was revealing too much. For indeed, he had.

Calculator struggled free from the grasp of the twins, shocked that he was no longer in jail, but trying to make sense of the situation. He could tell he was going to have to learn more later, but could figure some things about it now. Like, these ~~4, no,~~ 3 bozos were not on the side of Nikolay. And that these ~~4, no,~~ 3, bozos were all clones with seemingly stupid or worthless powers.

"Guys, I think we need to get these guys arrested. Like with that conveniently placed police car that's coming towards us. Though, I think I'm going to need to escape and get out of sight, since I'm kind of on the lam. Oh, and did one of you actually come in as my lawyer? Thanks. That was really... um... inspired. Anyway, gotta split. We'll meet up later. Maybe on Old Abandoned Warehouse Lane, where we once had that fight..." He knew the rest would get what he was saying. And with that, Calculator took off.

When the police arrived, there was a little confusion as to the fact that this was an actual citizen's arrest, and not some weird cosplay scene being acted out in public. But when they heard that the 3 clones had attacked the Infinites (Nikolay somehow being not seen), and that the 3 red-and-blue-suited clones admitted to attacking the Infinites without provocation, the three were rounded up and put in the police cars, and they took off. How convenient.

Coathangerman looked around at his team. "Guys, that was really weird."

The Teetotaler nodded. "I say, dear chap. At the end of his soliloquy, that golf fellow was saying there were at least 3 other clones. And did you hear? Soup-erman. Sleutherman. Slooperman. Now think about it. When we first went into that alley last night, we found three things that didn't seem to fit. Soup. Clam chowder, to be precise, and still warm. Then there was a broken magnifying glass. And that's something that a sleuth or detective uses. And then, the boat stuck between the sides of the buildings on either side of the alley? That was a sloop! Is it possible that these clones, Sleutherman, Soup-erman and Slooperman, were also involved in attacking the old ladies that have been mugged lately?"

Coathangerman responded, "I don't know about you, but I think we just stumbled across something really big."

Little did he realize how true that was, especially as that evening was going to be a very big event - the political debate between the three close mayoral candidates: Kent Clarke, Richard Reedson, and Wayne Bruce.

by **Zjaum** » Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:00 am

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

He snapped his fingers. Ah, that's right! Mr. Bruce was not going to be there to get angry over the disturbance! What a miscalculation he'd made! Why, the only way to attract his attention now would be... to...

Henry got another brilliant, ELEVEN-dimensional strategy to counter his one-dimensional setback. "Florida Man, I'm going to need your bust. Yeah... no... the, that bust, there you go. There's only one of them around; how'd you confuse it with... Never mind. All right, everybody collect as much of the stuff here that might seem remotely valuable. I have a plan. Mr. Winfred, sir, do you have any twine? Never mind; I think I have it in my bag somewhere. Let me find it."

The plan was foolproof. They were going to climb onto the rafters of the town hall and parade their stolen items, especially the bust and Wayne's favorite novel ever, behind the camera but within sight of the mayoral candidates. This will have relatively no significance to the opponents, but it will throw the zillionaire off so much that he'd have no choice but to run home and console himself with the things he appreciates most- minus the book of course. Then, the Villains Group will hide the novel and catch Mr. Would-Be-Mayor red-handed, promptly before stealing all his stuff in his now-unlocked safe. If that plan fails, they could ransom the book for... for... just less than what it would cost to replace it. Henry checked his phone. $8.50? Okay, they'll ransom it for $8.50. Unless, of course, there's something priceless hidden in the book, like a signature or a note from Mom or something. In which case: $9.50. Man, was he on a roll today!

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Aubree snapped out of her trance. She now had a few perfectly-good hoops and a lot of cut hoops. Well, the flexible material inside has to be good for something, right? She grabbed what she could and slung it over her shoulder. For now, she would bear the mantle of Hooperman. Hoopergirl? Sure, whatever.

"Hey, so, if there's a connection between the two places, we should probably try and collect as much evidence as we can, both here and back at the old alley. We should probably do it before more police arrive, just in case a detective comes and takes all the credit for the mystery, and we get thrown back in jail for tampering with evidence. I can go back to the alley... or if you guys think that's a stupid idea, that's okay, then, I guess. We could just walk over to a diner and spend our time there. I'm flexible." Aubree's voice then devolved into a series of inaudible shy mumbles.

by **Xah** » Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:31 am

~~The Man With No Name~~ Alan
Random Street

With the fight seemingly resolved, Alan expected the tiresome band to go wherever it went in such times, but instead it hung around, playing an uplifting victorious tune. A slight frown turned into more annoyance as Alan realised the more annoying part was still to come; the public.

A fight between costumed 'superheroes' and villains was always going to attract a crowd, a crowd with smartphones and cameras, and easy access to social media. Anything lasting longer than ten minutes was going to accrete bystanders like a sticky thing attracted wasps, and with the same level of persistent annoyance. Once the police arrived and collected the alliteratively named weirdoes, Alan found himself, as usual, at the forefront of public attention. After all, his outfit was rather fetching, his band were moderately talented and his superpower kind of demanded it. He knew, just knew, that it would be his face in the papers, his mysterious persona lauded. To be frank, it was all rather embarrassing. He posed a few times, then made his excuses to his adulating public.

"Souperman. Sleutherman. Slooperman?" Alan said. "What's next? Pooperman?" He laughed at his own joke, but the band just did a trumpet 'waa-waa-waaaaa', instead of a btump-tsh, as they should've (in Alan's opinion anyway). "Look, guys, you're right. Even for us, this is weird, but the evidence is rather compelling. Ignoring the fact it's a bit too compelling, we're definitely onto something. I don't mind going with, um, Giant Gold Lady here to the alley again. I've certainly got nothing better to do." He eyed the band. "Do you lot have any better ideas?" But they ignored his direct questions, as usual. "Or we could ask around, see if the unusual combination of soup, sleuth and sloop has be found at other crime scenes?"

by **The Last Abode of Pando** » Thu Sep 13, 2018 9:40 am

The Minnesota Twins
Ed and Aesculapius

When Sub-parman had said that the mastermind had an ulterior motive, both Twins immediately thought of that one villain, Ulterior Motive Man, and who they had reasoned was his secret identity, Jerry. Jerry and Ulterior Motive Man had never been seen in the same place at the same time, and Jerry seemed to know everything about the plot, so it was only logical that the two were in fact one and the same.

Eventually, Ed realized that Hooperman had been replaced with Ned Wimbly.

"Captain Calculator! What did you do with Hooperman?" shouted Ed, three seconds after the two had switched places.

"Ed, it was probably me, but this could be Hooperman in Captain Calculator's body. How will we know? It wouldn't be the first time that that would've happened."

"What if we follow him everywhere he goes for the next seven hours?"

"That should work...

After Calculator weaseled himself out of the four arms holding him tight, the Twins followed his movements precisely, forgetting about Nikolai, and sprinting at the speed of a middle-aged accountant in spandex. Within a couple seconds, they had caught up to him, and were now jogging along his left side.

"So, Captain Calculator, what do you think of all these clones?" Ed casually asked him.

"Yeah. Hey, where're you headed, anyhow?" prodded Aesculapius.

Suddenly, a waa-waa-waaaa burst through the Conveniently Placed break in conversation, and the Twins turned around. Half a block behind them, [ ] stood there, seemingly disappointed in the sound effect. Aesculapius thought that the plot probably wanted them to stay with the heroes, so they headed back.

"Hey, guys, didn't we decide to protect that one candidate? Shouldn't we go to the mayoral debate tonight?

Florida Man
David Adams

Florida Man stopped standing still, handed his bust - no, the other one; how he'd confused the busts no one would know - to Blimp Man, who appeared to have an eleven-dimensional plan to rob Wayne Bruce.

"Hey, Henry? I don't know if it would help, but I happen to have 191 lobsters in my back pocket. Don't ask. Is there any way that these can be of assistance?"

https://miami.cbslocal.com/2018/09/05/florida-man-arrested-200-illegal-lobsters/

by **Zjaum** » Thu Sep 13, 2018 12:49 pm

"Hey, Henry? I don't know if it would help, but I happen to have 191 lobsters in my back pocket. Don't ask. Is there any way that these can be of assistance?"

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Hm. That was a dimension which he had not factored into his scheme. See, as everyone knows, a wealthy man's favorite meal Is obviously ~~caviar~~ ~~Kobe beef~~ ~~burgers, like normal people~~ lobster. So, perhaps there was a way to... "Aha! That's it!" he exclaimed. He returned to his thoughts, in case the butler could hear him speak. See, the goal should have been to infuriate the dashing zillionaire. The goal should have been to lure him into a false sense of security, as if he was having a dream! What better way to convince someone they're in a dream than to ~~have him do the mayoral debate in his underwear~~ cover him in crawling crustaceans! Then, they would suspend his favorite objects in a sort of mobile, having them dance around him like sprites. Once he begins to close his eyes (after some too-smooth jazz music) Henry will walk up to him and ask him for the code to his safe. The perfect scheme!

There were only two miscalculations with his plan. First, he needed something circular to act as a structure from which the mobile could hang. He felt sure that that matter would be settled one way or another. Second, rich people wouldn't settle for just any lobster. They'd probably want unnecessarily expansive seafood, like... black market lobster...

"Well, it depends on the matter in which they were harvested," stated Blimp Man. "Legally or illegally?"

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Well, here she was, trying to keep everyone together, with a bunch of hoops that no one would want ever (for a diabolical plan or something), trying desperately to keep everyone together. The mention of "Giant Gold Lady" caught her attention, though. Apparently Captain Calculator could go run off into the sunset and into ~~legend~~ ~~memory~~ a pole somewhere, because she was going to stay with the group. Good Girl Scouts always stayed with the group. Bad Girl Scouts got fed to the lion at the zoo. The two universal secret truths taught to every troop of Girl Scouts.

It came across her that the two of them had never actually met. They'd never even actually seen each other, now that she thought about it. Which was surprising, considering that a band playing that well would certainly come up on the radar for Orient, Minnesota's tourism board. I mean, all they have is a rock which they say is the rockiest rock in the upper Midwest. Everything actually cool got taken by aliens or blown up.

She approached him with caution. All right, here's a new person. This is a clean slate, your one chance to get a new first impression. "Hi, I'm Aubree, but my friends used to call me Goldilocks." All right, don't mention your backstory or they'll never want to bring up California again, which will make for plenty of awkward conversations. Say something that makes you unique. Make it count. "I've got bladder control issues!" SHOOT! Golly Gosh darn it, Son of a gun! Aubree retreated out of sheer embarrassment.

by **Talchyon** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:11 pm

Wayne Bruce's 2nd or 3rd Summerhome
Winfred the butler

At the mention of Blimp Man's plans, the butler was astonished first at how idiotic they were. Second, he was astonished at how the super villain didn't realize he had just been speaking all his thoughts out loud, unbeknownst to him.

From marble busts, to lobster dishes, to book-napping. Winfred had had enough. "Excuse me, sir. All of this that you have been saying (and yes, I heard all of it - you didn't realize you were speaking out loud), I have to object to. That would all be illegal." There. Making a solid, logical point. That should surely win the spandex-clad would-be robber to reason and sense. If that wouldn't work, well, the butler could surely make more logical, reasonable points.

Doc Bur-Ock, however, nodded his head at the thought of covering Wayne Bruce in 191 lobsters. Whispering to Blimp Man and Florida Man, he said, "Let's take the lobsters to the debate tonight, and embarrass Wayne Bruce in front of the whole town. Florida Man, you can drop them on him just as he's about to make some important kind of political speech or something, and then we can hold his precious book for ransom. Or maybe," he added suspiciously, eyeing the butler, "maybe we hold him for ransom instead!"

Because, what could possibly go wrong with publicly humiliating and making an enemy out of a gazillionaire? Nothing, as long as the proper paperwork was filled out!

Captain Calculator

The good captain was astonished to see that he was out of jail. One moment, he had been wailing away on a sad harmonica in the slammer, and now, he was a free man. Relatively speaking, since surely he and Aesculapius were 1027th cousins twice removed, and thus it was kind of by a relative.

After the police left with the ~~four~~ three costumed bad guys, Calculator came back to the group, only to find Mariachi Man or whatever he was going by trying to undulate to the "adoring public." The "adoring public," in this case, consisted of two of the mental patients from the hospital, out for a walk, who both thought they were Napoleon's uncle Francois, but enjoyed a good ~~beating up~~ ~~no, more like a combat~~ ~~no, scratch that, more like kind of a combat and then an arrest by the police who were doing their jobs this time~~ confrontation of spandex-clad participants, smiled and briefly clapped, before they went back to the hospital to the tune of the mariachi trombones going "wa wa wa....."

Coathangerman filled Calculator in on the connections between the four super-suited clones and the mysterious clues left in the alley. Likewise, he told Calculator about the mysterious business card with "Wombatman" left with the old lady in the hospital, and the description of the attacker who might have been the same guy. Calculator nodded thoughtfully. What did all this mean?

Meanwhile, the ideas of what the Infinites should do next came pouring in. Aubrey suggested going back to the alley and looking for more clues. No Name Guy suggested trying to find combinations of soups, sleuths and sloops at the other crime scenes. The twins - or at least, one of them - suggested trying to protect one of the candidates for the debate, which, now that he thought about it, had been more of their original plan yesterday evening. Actually, they had originally been planning to protect all of the candidates for the mayoral debate, but since a lot of the Infinites had wandered off and either found that the local Bavarian creme filled donut shop had come under Jewish ownership and thus were selling all their creme-filled pastries for ridiculous prices to get rid of yeast on Fridays, or had become tour guides, maybe they could only protect one out of the three candidates. But regardless, Calculator had to provide some quality leadership to his team here.

"Guys! These are all good ideas. But we're up against a lot here. First, Aubree, we all know about your bladder issues, you don't have to be embarrassed. I'll give you a hug if you want afterwards. As for looking for more clues at the alleyway, Aubree, there was nothing else there. We saw all that there was to see. And you, um, Melvin or whatever your name was, we could try to look at these other crime scenes for more clues. But I don't remember where they were, and the town library is closed for the day. So it's unlikely we could research it in enough time. But remember guys? Originally, with all the news centering on the mayoral debate tonight, we were going to protect the candidates. Now I don't know about you, but I've got a bad feeling about this debate tonight. Something weird is happening in Orient - and I don't mean your attempts at cooking, Glitch. But the closer we get to this debate, the more sure I am that we need to be there. We need to plan what we're going to do, and how. Maybe we should talk about it until then, and then we can come back later this evening and keep these 3 leading men safe."

The man at his desk looked through the papers that had been copied for him. Good. Things were progressing. His contacts everywhere were giving him pieces to the prize that was his for the taking. With this meddlesome guy who thought he was a team leader for the Infinites behind bars, and with the clones keeping a low profile, the city was primed for being taken over.

Just then, an underling came into the room, and waited for his superior to address him. Glaring at the underling, the man behind the desk said a simple, "Yes?" The underling told what he came to say, that somehow Captain Calculator had been freed from jail, and somehow one of the clones had been found there. But the clone wasn't under arrest. The police let him out soon after, with ready apologies for the honest mistake and hoping that he wouldn't sue them.

The man's eyes narrowed. This was a complication. Not unexpected, but a complication nonetheless. "It is what it is. No matter. He will soon learn the hard way that I won't be stopped. He and all the rest."

Tonight was going to be big. And the man was confident that his plan would succeed.

by **Barapam** » Sun Sep 23, 2018 5:41 am

Irina Borisova, a.k.a. Space Bear, blinked as if she suddenly had woke up, and in a way that was exactly what had happened. Even though she had been present all along, it was almost as if she'd been in trance, listening to hardbass in her earphones and doing slav squats whenever it was possible. Strange, she had never behaved like that in space, and certainly not in her youth in the Soviet Union, and she had no idea of why. Maybe it was her new superhero costume that caused it? She had on purpose gone for something more comfortable than spandex, and settled with a black peaky blinders leather cap and a black Adidas tracksuit, which she had bought second hand in Russia before she rejoined the crew in Orient. But then she shook her head at the idea. How could a suit influence her behaviour? It was probably just the stress from adapting to, and coping with, the fact that the 60s had ended, the Cold War was over, the USSR didn't exist anymore, and the technology was totally different. Yeah, that must be it. However, that would have to wait, right now she really had to make up for lost time and get in on the situation. So she spoke her mind.

"Well, I'd prefer if we protected all three candidates, obviously, but if that can't be done, I personally think we should go with the one who is best for the common proletarian. Who would that be? I haven't been updated on U.S. politics since Nixon..."

by **Zjaum** » Tue Sep 25, 2018 12:48 pm

Barapam wrote:"Who would that be? I haven't been updated on U.S. politics since Nixon..."

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln
At first Aubree thought of the monumental task of bringing her up to date on half a century's worth of political activity. Then she smiled at how ludicrous the current year's politics were. But, wait, no, she wouldn't... wait, yes, she would know the president by name, though! She chuckled at the thought. That said, she explicitly withheld her knowledge. For one, she wouldn't want to be considered the crazy one of the bunch to think that such a beloved 80's icon would be president; it would quite hurt her credibility. For two, her family had a strict no-politics rule. Very strict. One time, she asked her mother whether she wanted roses or violets on the front porch. Her mother mistook it for an encrypted message about politics, grounded her for two months, and put out lilies on the front porch instead. She once tried to catch her father voting in the ballot just to get his party affiliation, only to realize that he'd driven to the next city over to vote in private! By the time she got there...

Where was she? "Well, I guess I'll just go home now and watch the mayoral debate from my television. Shoot, I don't have a television! I'll just see it in person."

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Aha! See, he knew to reveal his trap because... because... curses! He didn't have ~~an excuse~~ an ultimate master plan to explain his actions! Drat! Foiled by his own narrator!

Talchyon wrote:"Excuse me, sir. All of this that you have been saying (and yes, I heard all of it - you didn't realize you were speaking out loud), I have to object to. That would all be illegal."

"Yes, and it's illegal to not eat two Twix sticks in a day, but here I am!" This was, in fact, a carefully planned ruse by his childhood friend in order to get Henry to give him the other half of his Twix pair. The friend's father was a policeman, you see, so the friend became the "law professional" of the group. Defiantly, Blimp Man pulled out a Twix from his backpack and began to eat BOTH the right and the left sides simultaneously! "Do what nom you must, FOR I HAVE nom ALREADY WON! Come, fellow felons, we have a mayoral debate to disrupt!"

by **Xah** » Wed Sep 26, 2018 12:49 am

~~The Man With No Name~~ Alan
Random Street

"Protect the candidates, right," Alan said, doing his best to look suitably protector-y. Fate, narrative, or the whims of a higher power dictated that at the exact moment everyone's attention was focused on the Calculator Man, Alan was now his civilian self once more. Looking more like an accountant than a superhero.

"Oh." He muttered. "And I've creased my jacket." A sigh. "Let's go watch some politicians then. I'm sure it's far more exciting that whatever I had planned anyway." Which was true, for a given meaning of 'exciting'. If Alan was being honest, he was going to nip off to the train station. He'd heard that the 21:01 from Duluth was a MPI MP14B locomotive, and he was hoping to get a picture of it. Maybe it'll all be over by then.

"I'm hungry. Can we go get waffles or something and talk about who's else is going to be there to watch people shoot at me?"

by **Barapam** » Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:12 pm

"Oooh, waffles sounds nice! I want maple syrup on mine!" Irina exclaimed. There were at least 99 problems with America, but maple syrup wasn't one. She loved maple syrup! Almost as much as borscht! Especially on American pancakes, which easily could compete with Russian bliny... Hang on Irina, you mean you put borscht on pancakes!? That seems a bit... :eyebrow:

Irina turned her head and looked up, while all motion around her suddenly stopped. "What? Oh come on! Blame your inability to write properly on me, just do it!", she shouted at the narrator, and threw her hands up in frustration. "Obviously I put maple syrup on my pancakes! Just like you! And by the way, you had to google the English translation of 'threw her hands up', didn't you?"

Maybe, but...

"And then you still almost wrote 'threw up her hands'!"

... yes, but now I didn't...

"And your still not sure it's the proper translation, am I right or am I right!?"

Calm down, look, the scene continues, interact with the others now, you'll look strange if you keep talking to me.

"Fine... stupid Barapam... Actually Alan, now that I think of it, maybe we can go for pancakes instead? You're welcome too, Aubree. Maybe we should all go?" she finished, smiling.

by **Talchyon** » Tue Oct 09, 2018 11:39 am

The Orient Cafe
Captain Calculator

No-Name-Guy's idea had been a good one. Getting a bite to eat was a good idea. And they could easily talk about their strategy that evening. If they even needed a strategy (sometimes the Minnesota Infinites did best when they were flying by the seat of their pants). But still, at least having something to eat (not waffles drenched in borscht, thank you, Irina!) would be good. And as long as they were eating, they had to talk about something! So... strategy was probably a better option than how lousy Glitch's fantasy football team was, which at the moment, had nothing but 3rd string Arizona Cardinals players starting for him...

It was a typical lunch time at the Orient Cafe. Flo was in the back, serving up the special (which, today, was BBQ brisket). Somehow, with only herself to cook, waitress, and clean, the Orient Cafe managed to run pretty smooth.

Calculator enjoyed his brisket and fries while reminding everyone that they all had to pay for themselves, since the Infinites had no budget for lunches. But then, he got down to the meat and potatoes. And not his lunch, but the strategy for that day.

Coathangerman snickered at Irina as she asked who was the most proletariat-friendly of the three men running for mayor. "Don't you know that with small-town politics, it's not whose the most qualified or what political party he is. It's who was best friends with people in 2nd grade elementary school, who then is calling in favors." His smirk was big. Ever since he had met Irina, Coathangerman was trying to thwart her political understanding in as annoyingly humorous a way as possible.

Captain Calculator, however, was briefly annoyed and simply said, "There are 3 men running for Orient mayor. Kent Clarke, Richard Reedson, and Wayne Bruce. Clarke is the former deputy mayor. A politician's politician. Clarke probably knows enough about how to run Orient, but he's facing some stiff competition. Reedson is an inventor. Not a very good inventor, if you ask me, unless you like things like glow-in-the-dark sunscreen and so on. But he's popular enough - enough to edge out 14 others in the primaries. And then there's Wayne Bruce. The guy is a gazillionaire, who somehow can make Wayne Bruce Enterprises run, even though he doesn't seem to be as personally involved with it as he could be. Wonder what the guy does with his massive amounts of free time since he never makes the board meetings?"

The Teetotaler interrupted. "I say, old chap. The real issue is crime. How are these guys going to fight crime?"

Calculator nodded. "That's right. With all the muggings of elderly ladies in dark alleys going up, and with this mysterious Wombatman who seems to be doing it, the new mayor is going to have his hands full. But at least as of right now, I can say from personal experience that something funny is going on at the police station."

Glitch looked up, with the same dazed expression in his eyes as always. "Like, Dude. Like, the cops are getting paid in donuts?"

Calculator got serious. "When I was in jail, I got to hear some of the guards talking. More like whispers, and I couldn't hear everything. But they were talking about how arrests were going to be going way up after the new mayor got elected. I couldn't make out what the rest of it was - thanks due to some drunken teenagers in the same cell talking about their social media posts. But whatever it was, also involves the police somehow."

The Teetotaler got a thoughtful look, and said, "Does that mean, all the extra police that came for the mayoral race are going to be staying?"

Calculator nodded. "It sounds that way, sure."

Teetotaler asked, "But I say. Orient has no need of hundreds of extra police officers! Why on earth would we need them?"

And Calculator asked, "And why on earth would we need so many who don't seem to want to follow the law? They arrested me on suspicion of assaulting the old ladies in the alleys, even though I heard a guard in prison tell another that their orders from above were to keep me in jail until the mayoral race was over. I don't know what's happening in Orient right now, but it can't be good."

They then began to discuss the strategy for the mayoral debate that night. After some discussion, it was decided that there were going to be a large police presence there, so they should be able to do more of the traditional methods of guarding. The Infinites could come, hide backstage, and keep an eye open for villains, criminals, and anyone else who might cause the politicians harm.

"And what about this Wombatman? What if he shows up?" Coathangerman had to raise the question.

Calculator breathed deep and said, "I think we have to treat Wombatman as the biggest possible threat. A guy like that who attacks old ladies isn't safe. And he seems to like the spotlight, which means, we are going to need to be having our eyes wide open all tonight during the debates."

Doc Bur-Ock

The villains had left Bruce manor, with Blimp Man still munching on his Twix^TM. It made Doc Bur-Ock hungry, so he said, "Let's get some food." The villains then all entered the Orient Cafe, placed their orders with Flo, and sat down at a booth. Conveniently, the booth was right behind the Infinites' booth! But neither Infinites nor villains seemed to notice!

Doc Bur-Ock was waiting for his order, when he saw a fire hydrant approaching them. But he smiled sinisterly and wickedly, when the fire hydrant removed its costume and it was their ~~ally, no~~ comrade, Nikolai! "Nikolai, comrade! Tell us the news!"

And then, Nikolai began to tell the villains about the 4 costumed fighters, Hooperman and his gang, and how the Infinites had beaten them. And how Captain Calculator was now out of prison.

Doc Bur-Ock scowled. "Those goody-two-shoes Minnesota Infinites! Somebody needs to teach them a lesson. But who are these other guys?" Nobody seemed to know.

So Doc Bur-Ock went on with what was really on his mind. "We need to find a way to disrupt this mayoral debate tonight. Florida Man, I had a great idea. Why don't we sneak backstage tonight, and then at a time that seems somewhat important, we release all of the lobsters that you caught on stage! And Blimp Man! You turn your fan on the lobsters, and they'll want to go onstage to get away from the wind! The politicians will freak out! And then, we can take the microphone and tell everyone why they need more bureaucracy in their lives! Ha HA heh heh heh."

Ulterior Motive Man just shook his head at the stupidity of Doc Bur-Ock making that speech. But he was willing to go along with this, because it fit into his more devious plans, of which he had yet to reveal anything to anyone. As it was, the villains' plan was pretty much set, except for most of the major details and almost all the trivial ones. But somehow or other, they would go backstage tonight, and embarrass and harass the 3 men running for Orient town mayor! And if the Infinites showed up to stop them? Why, they'd have a surprise waiting for them! (Which, right now, was also a surprise to the villains because no one had actually come up with anything they planned on doing to the Infinites if they showed up).

by **Barapam** » Fri Oct 19, 2018 1:24 pm

Space Bear (I use her a.k.a. all too rarely so I'm going to start doing it more often from now on) grinned back at Coathangerman but nodded seriously in agreement to what he said. It sounded very much like the one-party system she was used to. Continuing with her borscht, which she didn't put on any waffles at all, thank you very much (borscht had recently been put up on the menu after Irina's arrival to Orient, because it was the kind of small town where even a single white immigrant meant that the diversity of the whole county increased), she listened to Captain Calculator's introduction of the candidates. Two nobodies, although one seemed fairly competent, and one archetypical capitalist. Hmm... maybe the last one of them was in slightly less need of protection, Irina thought. Normally she would dismiss that very notion as soon as it appeared, but now, for some reason, she didn't. But since the informal meeting went on, there was no time to think about why she didn't let go off the idea to protect Wayne Bruce slightly less than the other two candidates. It was an unfair thought and she wanted to didmiss it, but...

"Look at that goatee! Mmm... marvlous!"
"What? That's Glitch! He's a complete moron! He thinks the cops get paid in donuts, for Stalin's sake!" As mentiond in the previous arc, Irina was never really a stalinist, although she did have a crush on him when she was ten years old, but old habits are hard to kill. Plus, it makes her sound more exotic, right?

"Never mind that. Just look at that wonderful fuzzy chin!"
"I don't even like beards! Why am I having this internal conversation with myself?"
"Yourself? Wha- yes, of course. Nevermind, let's just go out for a smoke."
"I don't smoke! What is this, shut up! I'm just going to finish my soup, and once this meeting is done, get home to my small apartment and prepare for tonight's debate."

The other voice, who was none other than the venomous space parasite Adictivas, turned silent, but Irina still had troubles keeping her eyes off Glitch and his goatee.

by **Helowi** » Sun Oct 21, 2018 4:33 pm

Jell-O
Jack had already moved to Minnesota, and already had he found a group of villains that were fighting the Infinites. He was excited, and always ready to be taken seriously. A huge fight had just happened between the villains and the Infinites, and now the villains were gathering up in a local diner. “This is exciting.” Jack had thought to himself.

When the waitress came up, he just ordered a small cup of coffee and a muffin, as he had already eaten before he got there. Doc Bur-Ock had made a plan up, the plan was to sabotage the mayoral debate by putting lobsters onto the stage, and say they need more bureocracy in their lives. Everyone began to give a sinister laugh, including Jack. “Amazing.” He said to the gang

Jack had gotten his muffin and took a bite out of it, and then raised his hand from the corner of the table. “I’m, I don’t mean to interrupt. But what is my role in this whole operation.” He then took a sip out of his coffee. He then thought of a genius plan. “You guys need a surprise in case the Infinites come. Why don’t I stand in the audience and disguise as a normal citizen. When the Infinites come. I begin shooting Jell-O out of my eyes at them as a surprise!” He then eagerly waited for the other villains to respond to his plan, whether it was good or bad.

by **Zjaum** » Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:54 am

Henry "Blimp Man" Hinshaw

Blimp Man delved into his complete breakfast ensemble. Usually, he never spoke during dinner. It was time spent talking that could have been better spent eating. That said, Doc Bur-ock did, in fact, steal his plan. Not to mention he scrambled a few parts and omitted others. "A speech on bureaucracy? Is that your ultimate goal? No, Doctor, you have to think larger than that. We're trying to get him to spill the combination for his super secret safe, and then make a speech about bureaucracy! Isn't that right, uh..."

Helowi wrote:Jell-O
“You guys need a surprise in case the Infinites come. Why don’t I stand in the audience and disguise as a normal citizen. When the Infinites come. I begin shooting Jell-O out of my eyes at them as a surprise!” He then eagerly waited for the other villains to respond to his plan, whether it was good or bad.

"Oh, hey... new kid... let me tell you somethin'. The good guys... they're not as much of a problem as people say. And most people don't realize that they exist, let alone consider them a problem. Our aim is Mr. Zillions, not the town of Orient... at least, for now. But, yeah, sure. You can be our honorary superhero watch!" He pulled out a sticker from his backpack and slapped it on the chap (who was, mind you, twice his age). He then resumed the nitpicking. "You also had forgotten that we would parade his favorite things in front of him by dangling them like a mobile in front of- shoot, we forgot to obtain that circular object. He looked behind him. "Hey, Miss, do you know where the nearest-"

Aubree "Goldilocks" Lincoln

Aubree was tapped on the shoulder and turned around. "Henry?"

"Aubree?!"

"Where have you been? You weren't even at the crime scenes!"

"Eh, here and there, doesn't matter. Listen, do you know where to find circular hoops? I need it for... uh... a project."

Aubree looked at the broken hula hoops that she'd set beside the table. "Will this do?"

"Sure, great! This counts as your birthday present to me, okay? Because you missed the last one."

"...Because I thought you were dead."

"Ah, well, time makes fools of us all, eh? Thanks, though!" Henry promptly began work on fashioning the mobile. "By the way, new kid, say hello to our arch-nemeses. They're behind us. Feel free to shoot gelatin in their eyes now. Might be a cheap shot, but it will be quite annoying. And it'll be all over their food- oh, right!" Hinshaw resumed eating. He'd ordered a fairly large portion as per usual, and he hated boxing food. It was so annoying to drag along.

by **Talchyon** » Thu Oct 25, 2018 5:42 pm

The Cafe (wrapping things up)
Doc Bur-Ock

Doc Bur-Ock nodded a the suggestion by Jack. He also wanted to spell his super name "Gel-Oh", you know, to avoid any possible copyright issues that might ever come up in the future if this ever were to be written down. That way, it would still sound the same, and other people would know what you were meaning, but you still wouldn't be infringing on trademarks... But wait. Jack not only had a good idea! It was a great idea!

"That sounds great, Jack! Because we know the Infinites are going to come and try to foil our plan. They always do! It's like they have some twisted genius working with them who can see into our minds or something. But that would be great. We'll do our part. You blend in (as much as a guy out in the crowd who shoots gelatinous dessert out of his eyes can blend in. But that's beside the point). And then, take them out! And by that, I mean, don't like go to dinner and a movie or something. I mean, defeat them."

Doc Bur-Ock nodded in annoyance. "Yes, right. We're going to do what you said, Blimp Man. As for the circular object (which, frankly, I don't even remember what it was), we could just say we had stolen it and he would have to pay up to get it back. Only he would already still have it! So, Florida Man can handle the lobsters. You make sure to parade the stolen things in his sight. Jell-O is on watch duty. And I? I'll be working on my speech about bureaucracy. I guess Ulterior Motive Man can handle getting the combination to the safe." Taking time to drink the rest of his water, Doc Bur-Ock grinned wickedly. "And when we're all done, these chumps running for mayor will have something else to talk about!"

The End of Chapter 1

CHAPTER 2: "THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS"

LATER THAT NIGHT...
AT THE ORIENT TOWN HALL

In other words, this is the time skip...

It seemed like the whole town of Orient was focused on local politics. The town hall was packed, and security was tight. A noticeable police presence stood guard at the door, making sure no one brought in any firearms. Other officers in uniform stood at evenly spaced places out in the audience. A veritable who's who of locals had come, from the former mayor to the superintendent of local schools, to the town nutcase who somehow had gotten a book of poems published. And bunches of other, normal people had come to hear the debate. The place was packed.

This was the first debate in recent memory between people running for mayor. All three candidates had been pulling fairly equally, with just a few percentage points of difference between them. Each candidate would get the chance to give an opening statement, followed by a series of questions. Each candidate had 2 minutes to give a response, and then the next candidate was on the clock.

Doc Bur-Ock stood at the back door with the villains - which, fortunately, was unguarded. He looked at his fellow miscreants of society and asked, "You all know the plan, right?" As they all nodded, and Ulterior Motive Man got a noticeable far-off look in his eye, they were about to open the door and go in, when all of a sudden...

Captain Calculator, the Teetotaler, Coathangerman, Glitch, and all the other Minnesota Infinites with them rounded the corner. They hadn't seen them yet. Glitch was going on and on about how he also didn't like to box food at restaurants, because the one time he had, his macaroni and cheese had given him a TKO. The other Infinites were trying to tune him out as always and not try to listen to the lowest of their group. Their eyes were wandering - to look at the night sky, the telephone wires, their own thumbs, everything except the group of villains at the door!

Doc Bur-Ock looked at the coming Infinites with panic, and then quickly whispered to the villains, "Quick! Get inside! Those numbskull Infinites are already here! We're going to have to find costumes - oh, yeah, except for Jack who was already in costume as a "normal person". But something. Surely we can find... something!... inside! Go! Go! Go!" And opening the door, he quickly pushed them inside.

Not the best way to begin an operation. But, given that this was the group formerly known as the Orient-Minnesota-Society-for-Villains-and-Other-Super-Powered-Criminal-Miscreancy, Inc., it was pretty much par for the course.

by **Ebwaino** » Sat Nov 03, 2018 12:36 pm

["Like a dying old hag..." - Alex Jarrin]
[United States of America, State of Minnesota, Town of Orient, entrance of Orient Hill School.
October 24 2018, 9:45 a.m. (Central Daylight Time).]

It was autumn, an alien... unEbwainian season. A strange mix between the coldness of wet season and the dying leaves of dry season. A living hell. thought Alex Jarrin to himself.

Or as he prefered, Little Comador. He sneezed just then, the strange mix of dry but cold air was slowly killing his senses. "Mallum," he swore quietly, one of his 'friends' turning to him.

"Comador, do you require a tissue?" Alex turned to his most trusted child operative, Kent Libbar. Both of the boys had been walking to the local neighborhood school from their shared dwelling, it was their first day of their second week and Alex had already been in detention twice.

"That will not be necessary, amigo. It is just an isolated sneeze," he stated almost regally. The two of them then continued on their way to the school entrance, Alex's other operatives close behind.

Dyon and Jaat. The two lower grade operatives were on rear defense duty. The four of them walked up the steps, passing fellow students who were also crossing the steps - most of them willfully oblivious to the military formation of the four boys.

That had not been the case when it was Alex's first day... but the students and staff were quick to realize that those four travelled as a unit. Most of them assumed that it was either due to a weird friendship bond that had been formed from whatever strange native land they originated from or just that they were all members of the same criminal gang - the latter, they were more inclined to believe due to Little Comador's record for being a bad boy (the kind who would break both rules and other students for crossing him).

Little did these foreign fools ever come to realization that they were all my loyal soldiers! thought Alex to himself, inwardly smiling to himself at his self-perceived genius gloat.

They cleared the steps, eventually nearing the actual large doors that had been edged wide open about twenty minutes ago. Speaking of time... "Kent, time."

His trusted - friend, he may dare say - operative checked his antique family handed down watch. "We have 3 minutes before social studies."

Alex nodded at that. "Dyon, Jaat!"

"Aite, Com!" they replied in perfect unison in Ebwainian slang for "Yes, leader".

"We need to rush. Clear the hallways."

"Aite!" they replied once more in unison before dashing toward the doors, one of the students just barely avoiding a collision course with the hyperactive younglings.

Hmm, I never noticed how tall Jaat looked next to Dyon... Suddenly, fears of Jaat's apparent growth spur surpassing him flooded his mind... He immediately perished the thought, Nonsense, even if so, he would then serve me well as a meat shield - no way I can lose from this!

Suddenly, he heard a loud and high-pitched ringing and screams. "There's a fire! A fire!"

The students started flooding out of the school en masse, Alex's eyes widening. Oh God, please no... His fears materialized before him as the crowded rushed toward him, too blinded by sheer terror to notice that he did not want to move out of the way.

"I'll protect you, Com!" yelled Kent before he got rushed at by three dudes who had been charging out of the school at full speed.

Alex turned at his trusted before turning back forward and narrowly dodging a girl who was frantically trying to escape this illusive fire he had heard so much about. Though, he suspected something was up...

He continued to try and cut through the crowd, eventually failing as a few of them threw him off his balance and started bumping him up, down, left and right at random. Though, at those rare moments when he was up he knew he noticed the two lower grader operatives waving at him.

Dyon and Jaat were squatting at the top of the lockers, pleased with the chaos they caused - Jaat proudly showing off his lighter which had triggered the smoke detectors. Alex could only mentally facepalm himself, knowing that his hands were now the property of the crowd. Curse you, grade 8 mischief-based intelligence... curse you. He got the cleared hallway, but never got the chance to make use of it...

Why did things just have to not go his way?

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[United States of America, State of Minnesota, Town of Orient, Town Hall.
October 24 2018, 10:55 a.m. (Central Daylight Time).]

After a confusing half an hour of the staff attempting to find out if there was a fire or not coupled with forty-five minutes searching for who to blame, they settled for returning the school back to its usual state of affairs - which meant that they went along with the social studies field trip that had been planned days before. Luckily, those two had seen fit to disable the cameras with spitballs... Alex thought.

He just knew that he too would be detained, especially since the two of them were normally good-ish boys unless Comador ordered them otherwise - something the lower grade teachers all hated Alex for. Though, that did not stop some teachers from glaring accusingly at Alex... somehow, they just had a gut feeling that the chaos that had ensued in their normally quiet and peaceful neighborhood school must have been the work of the newcomer.

Alex would have them flogged if he did not know that they were kind of right... Still, they had no right to hate him so, for he too had little choice in the matter. His father - the real supreme Comador - had ordered his mother and he to hideout in his aunt's residence in America to remain safe from the civil war that was raging on at home. In fact, Alex only agreed to go simply because his father promised that it would all be part of his training in being a true leader.

"You shall gather intelligence, son. And use it against the foreigners when your reign comes!" Alex, of course, still did not doubt the truthfulness of his father's words, but he was beginning to doubt how worth this intelligence would be if all he knew about America was that its detention rooms were way too spacious to feel anything remotely punishing - like the claustrophobic prisons his father kept for those filthy communists.

However, by the time the teacher on the bus announced to the students that they were at the town hall, Alex suddenly felt a renewed surge of purpose. He could now spy on American politics. Now this small town... tomorrow the United Nations Assembly. Alex squirmed excitedly in his seat, a grin forming as he struggled to keep from releasing a hearty (evil) laugh.

The students all messily exited the buses before the teachers herded them into columns of two per each grade. As expected, Alex was next to Kent.

"Any sign of the duo?"

Kent strained his neck. "Aite, they're all the way back there... fighting?"

"What?" Alex strained himself, his body two centimeters too short to see what Kent saw.

"I think it is over... a nickel?"

Alex now facepalmed himself. "By Ebwaino, I sometimes wonder why my father saw fit to send them..."

"They are the most resourceful of their squadron," Kent reminded. "And are a lot better versed in blending in with their surroundings, for all we know this may be an act, Comador."

Most would find it weird that even Kent, an operative so close to Alex to be considered a friend, still had to call him by his (preferred) rank. However, Alex had ordered it so, and Kent was wise enough to not argue - lest the friendship sour into a power struggle. "Let us hope."

"Students of Orient Hill School! Listen," one of the teachers in-charge called out using a loud speaker. "We are currently a full twenty minutes behind and expected to have a quick snack before entering the town hall to hear today's mayor election debate, but because we are under a fixed timeslot we will have to proceed without a pre-debate recess."

The collective groaning of the students amused Alex, knowing well enough that he could easily order any teacher watching him to be distracted by one of his operatives while he ilegally ate a breadfruit. You Americans and your easy to break rules. Unlike in America, Ebwainian rules break the lawbreakers - literally.

Everyone was ferried their way inside, the four boys reforming a proper square formation as they neared each other. Once they entered the actual hall where the debating occured, Alex could hear the murmurs of politicians and townsfolk alike as they all dsicussed over the candidates. Little Comador could care less about their petty American political bias and ideologies... all he came for was to witness the election process.

He then took a seat next to Kent, Dyon followed by Jaat on his right. The chattering got louder and louder thanks to the presence of hormone pumped teenagers, until the teachers shushed them. The debate was starting and Alex was ready to learn more about the enemy.

The Infinites: The Dork Knight (Comedy, Supers, Dead) - IC

Supreme Boy Leader Alex Jarrin of the Federation of Ebwaino

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