The Halcyon Days, a Dice RP (IC; Closed)

[DAFT Universe]

Wheatley looked around the room, confused.
"How the hell did I get here?"
He seemed to be in a bed, holding something that looked like a portal gun, but with a moving black surface and spikes.
He also seemed to be wearing budget long-fall boots.

Looking again, he realised 2 things;
1- He wasn't wearing anything.
2- Whoever built him had added genitals.

There was only one thing to do.

ACTION: Play with genitals

[Pherdistan]

Lenin was glad that the staff were willing to take her in. The meeting with the doctor was a bit uncomfortable, but, after a long wait time, he finally came back with some medicine, which she thanked him for. Her itchiness went away as soon as she finished swallowing the pills, and for that she was glad. And then they gave her the bill.

It was way too much, a ridiculous amount of gold that not even the Tsar himself had stored upon his person. Desperately trying to remember the name, she hoped that her plan would work.

Action: Charge her medical bills to Soveliss's estate

[The United Czechippines]

Oh no. Once again Aluminum was out of her element (and whatever was keeping her strapped into this chair was starting to hurt), and so she quickly answered with the first thing that entered her head.

Action: Make up something convincing

[Zjaum]

Aha! What a beautiful map! Haapsalu knew that he would most likely have to scribble in editions and additions later, so he held on to them. Now onto more adventure!

Action: Hop out of the plane and follow the dog through the hidden passageway.

[G-Tech Corporation]

Winthrop spat out the flesh, feeling unsatified as his body rejected it. Damnation. That wasn't nearly as useful as he hoped it would be, plus some of his organic components were rebelling against the small amount of matter he had managed to integrate.

Well, it appeared a flesh body would be necessary in truth. Time to quest.

Action: Explore the third dark hallway

[Olthar]

Hubert: 5
It's like you're a goddamn poet or something, or you read too many romance novels. Either way, you know exactly the right things to say and describe the perfect date. The Bachelorette makes a complimentary comment.

Wheatley: 3
You touch yourself a bit, but it quickly gets boring.

Vladimir: 2 - 1 = 1
You attempt to convince the hospital to send the bill that's already written to the dead guy laying in their morgue. Suffice it to say, it doesn't work. You do manage to convince them, however, that you have no intention of paying. Thus, they contact their lawyer and set up a court date. It's in 15 rounds.

Aluminum: 3
You half ass a description about going to dinner and the plane museum. There is a moment of awkward silence before moving on.

Haapsalu: 1
You look for the button to open the cockpit but can't find one. Frantically, you begin searching over and over until you get so frustrated that you finally shout that you want to get out. A single red light shines on the console, and a voice emerges from the plane.

"I can't let you do that, Dave."

You probably should have checked the hyper advanced alien plane for an AI computer before hopping in.

Winthrop: 4
You return to the dark cave and grope around in the shadows until you finally come across the third tunnel. The area around it seems to contain an abnormally large number of mushrooms.

---

Death Knight: 3
The Death Knight follows Winthrop back into the dark cave, but then stands around, waiting for the mecha-man to do all the work.

Contestant Number Three: 2 + 1 = 3
Contestant three says that they would hang around Starbucks for a while.

Announcer: "It seems as though one of the contestants has pulled ahead. Can this lead last? Let's find out."

Bachelorette: "Let's see. Do you plan on getting married?"

---

Lexa:
+1 Fire Resistance
Worn: Cultist Robe
Hand 1: Empty
Injuries: Moderately wounded, Burned Hands (-1 Grabbing Things)
Factions: Necromancer Cult (Minion)
Abilities: Anti-Pink Ray, Necromancy

Sir Winthrop Eddleton the Younger:
+1 Defense, +1 Will, +2 Strength
Worn: Anti-Paladin Armor (+2 Defense, +1 Intimidation, -1 Morality, -1 Agility)
Hand 1: Bag (100 gp)
Hand 2: Wolf Head Staff (+1 Attack, +Extra Attack, +Rabies)
Injuries: Severely wounded, Brain Damage (-1 Thinking)
Diseases: Ghoul Fever (-1 Fortitude)
Curses: Stunted Magic (Cannot use magic)

Headquarters:
Cult Catacombs:
Manager: Head Cultist (+1 Magic, +1 Magic Defense, -2 Morality, Necromancy)
Employees: Cultists (-1 Morality, Necromancy), Zombies (+1 Defense, Mindless)
Assets: Basic Accommodations, Dead Bodies, Ritual Chamber (+1 Necromancy)

Allies:
Death Knight:
+1 Attack, +1 Dark Magic, +1 Intimidation, +2 Turn Resistance, -3 Morality, +1 Strength
Worn: Nothing
Hand 1: Clearly Evil Axe (+1 Attack, -1 Morality)
Hand 2: Empty

Selwyn:
-1 Talking, -1 French Things, +1 Senses, +1 Reflexes, +2 Preaching, +1 Jumping
Worn: Doggo Robes
Mouth: Empty
Injuries: Dead
Abilities: Bi-Directional Telepathy
Quest: Start the Church of Doggo

Vladimir Lenin:
+1 Seduction, +1 Singing
Worn: Nothing
Mouth: Birth Certificate
Tattoos: Flaming Chicken (right flank)
Curses: Horrible Stench
Debts: Medical Bills (15,000 gp)
Court Date Timer: 15 rounds

Haapsalu Argyrix:
+1 Historic Knowledge
Worn: Conglomerate Armor (+3 Defense, -2 Agility)
Hand 1: Pencil
Hand 2: Sketch Map
Abilities: Piloting

Sketch Map:
Locations Discovered:
>>Secret Warehouse: Ark of the Covenant [Exits: Warehouse Office, Hangar Bay]
>>Warehouse Office: [Exit: Secret Warehouse]
>>Hangar Bay: Planes, Lockers [Exits: Secret Warehouse, Large Tunnel]
>>Large Tunnel: Secret Door [Exits: Hangar Bay, Unknown, Unknown]
Current Location: Large Tunnel

Hubert Poisson:
+1 Juggling
Worn: Nothing
Hand 1: Deathhorn (+1 Attack, +3 Noise)
Hand 2: Empty

Aluminum aka Alumina Allira:
Worn: Medium Armor (+1 Psionic Defense)
Hand 1: Normal Sword
Hand 2: Empty
Fetishes: Aerophilia

Wheatley:
Worn: Knockoff Long Fall Boots
Hand 1: Abyssal Portal Gun (Two portals)
Hand 2: Empty

[Zjaum]

Shoot. Machine. Right. And he didn't have a wrench. Well, there's not much he could do now. Actually...

Action: Hotwire the plane, making sure not to attract the AI's attention.

[Pherdistan]

Muttering again, Lenin consoled herself that 15 turns was plenty to prepare a valid defense, and decided it would be best to retreat and regroup.

Action: Go back to the lobby

[The Northern Cresent]

Lexa thought to himself, what to do. He was stuck with a cult, in a cave, that's got one exit. Except that exit leads to... Somewhere. Winthrop was already there, but it was all he had to do.
Action: Go down dark cave.

[DAFT Universe]

ACTION: Talk to the other person in the bed.

[G-Tech Corporation]

Intriguing. Fungal life. Something stirred in the Scion's mind, a memory striving to surface, but it evaded him. Flashes of insight in to a creature of green, and two names that were the same but different. Cunning. Brutality.

[b]Action: Harvest some mushrooms, attempting specifically to gather any different varieties.

[The United Czechippines]

More questions? Aluminum had surely thought that last one would be the end of it, but then again she'd never watched any of these kinds of shows before. No matter though, for she had a good answer lined up. "Well I kinda have to say yes, right?"

Action: Try to be funny

[Escalan Corps-Star Island]

Selwyn felt some sort of sharp pop in the back of his head, before passing out. When he awoke, a strange tingling filled him from his head to his twenty toes. In shock, he picked up a forepaw and saw it both move and not move. He shook his head in consternation. Seeing double? That can't be right! He slowly rolled from his side onto his stomach and went to stand, keeping his eyes closed.

Of course, when he did blink them open, squinting in the darkness of the tunnel, he let out a most un-genteel yelp of surprise. He looked down and saw himself lying at his feet, or rather in his feet. Oh, no, no, no. What is this foul magic? What sort of treachery begot it? As he stood, panicking and picking his head for lists of past foes he'd heckin' bamboozled over the years, a light popped into existence in front of him, searing his ghostly retinas. Blinking back the white-orange afterimages, he growled at the manifestation.

"I must say, dear Selwyn, that I had expected to see you fare better," chuckled the voice of Doggo from the small round light. "Though this is no fault of yours, I'm afraid. Nonetheless, the most I could do at the moment was ensure the attachment of your spirit to this plane, so I'm afraid you'll have to make do for now."

Selwyn let out a mournful howl. What would Mother think if she could see me now?, he pondered as the light winked out, leaving him alone in the tunnel. The most I can do is look around.

Action: Examine tunnel for interesting things.

[Olthar]

Haapsalu: 4 - 1 - 1 = 2
You fumble around with the controls, oblivious to what you're trying to accomplish.

"What do you think you're doing, Steve?" The plane questions in a mocking tone.

Vladimir: 3
You head out into the lobby and are completely blindsided by the government employee waiting for you. He tells you that your son has been taken into protective custody and that if you wish to fight the case, there is a court date in 13 rounds. He departs immediately after.

Lexa: 4
You follow Winthrop into the dark cave. Hooray.

Wheatley: 2
You try to wake the woman, but she is completely out of it and continues sleeping.

Winthrop: N/A
You cannot pick up anything because your hands are full.

Aluminum: 5
Your one off joke quickly turns into a short comedy routine that has the Bachelorette and the audience laughing. Even the Announcer chuckles.

Selwyn: N/A
Your spirit rises from your body but fails to proceed onto its final rest. You remain tethered to the world and manifest as a ghost.
Lose Physical Body!
New Ability: Incoporealness!
New Ability: Possession!

---

Death Knight: 5
Seeing that Winthrop's hands are full, the Death Knight decides to pick up a mushroom. It happens to grab one that increases a person's size.
Gain Super Mushroom!

Contestant Number Three: 3 + 1 = 4
The third contestant says that they don't believe in the concept of marriage. But in a way that comes off as cool and aloof. Still, it doesn't garner the best of responses.

Announcer: "Well, it looks like the contestants might be evening things up again. How exciting! Time for the final question!"

Bachelorette: "Right. What is the sound of silence?"

---

Lexa:
+1 Fire Resistance
Worn: Cultist Robe
Hand 1: Empty
Injuries: Moderately wounded, Burned Hands (-1 Grabbing Things)
Factions: Necromancer Cult (Minion)
Abilities: Anti-Pink Ray, Necromancy

Sir Winthrop Eddleton the Younger:
+1 Defense, +1 Will, +2 Strength
Worn: Anti-Paladin Armor (+2 Defense, +1 Intimidation, -1 Morality, -1 Agility)
Hand 1: Bag (100 gp)
Hand 2: Wolf Head Staff (+1 Attack, +Extra Attack, +Rabies)
Injuries: Severely wounded, Brain Damage (-1 Thinking)
Diseases: Ghoul Fever (-1 Fortitude)
Curses: Stunted Magic (Cannot use magic)

Headquarters:
Cult Catacombs:
Manager: Head Cultist (+1 Magic, +1 Magic Defense, -2 Morality, Necromancy)
Employees: Cultists (-1 Morality, Necromancy), Zombies (+1 Defense, Mindless)
Assets: Basic Accommodations, Dead Bodies, Ritual Chamber (+1 Necromancy)

Allies:
Death Knight:
+1 Attack, +1 Dark Magic, +1 Intimidation, +2 Turn Resistance, -3 Morality, +1 Strength
Worn: Nothing
Hand 1: Clearly Evil Axe (+1 Attack, -1 Morality)
Hand 2: Super Mushroom

Selwyn:
-1 Talking, -1 French Things, +2 Preaching
Abilities: Bi-Directional Telepathy, Incoporealness, Possession
Quest: Start the Church of Doggo

Vladimir Lenin:
+1 Seduction, +1 Singing
Worn: Nothing
Mouth: Birth Certificate
Tattoos: Flaming Chicken (right flank)
Curses: Horrible Stench
Debts: Medical Bills (15,000 gp)
Court Date Timer: 14 rounds, 13 rounds

Haapsalu Argyrix:
+1 Historic Knowledge
Worn: Conglomerate Armor (+3 Defense, -2 Agility)
Hand 1: Pencil
Hand 2: Sketch Map
Abilities: Piloting

Sketch Map:
Locations Discovered:
>>Secret Warehouse: Ark of the Covenant [Exits: Warehouse Office, Hangar Bay]
>>Warehouse Office: [Exit: Secret Warehouse]
>>Hangar Bay: Planes, Lockers [Exits: Secret Warehouse, Large Tunnel]
>>Large Tunnel: Secret Door [Exits: Hangar Bay, Unknown, Unknown]
Current Location: Large Tunnel

Hubert Poisson:
+1 Juggling
Worn: Nothing
Hand 1: Deathhorn (+1 Attack, +3 Noise)
Hand 2: Empty

Aluminum aka Alumina Allira:
Worn: Medium Armor (+1 Psionic Defense)
Hand 1: Normal Sword
Hand 2: Empty
Fetishes: Aerophilia

Wheatley:
Worn: Knockoff Long Fall Boots
Hand 1: Abyssal Portal Gun (Two portals)
Hand 2: Empty

[DAFT Universe]

After shouting at the woman for quite a while, Wheatley realised he wasn't getting anywhere.

ACTION: Examine room

[The United Czechippines]

Aluminum breathed a sigh of relief at hearing this was the last question, and when she heard it she couldn't help but smile because she had another good answer lined up. Sure it was another joke, but maybe she could get lucky twice? "Oh, that's easy, it's a Simon & Garfunkel song! Or is that too literal?"

Action: Try to be funny. Again.

[Pherdistan]

Lenin was about ready to scream. Two court dates, her son gone, and thousands in medical debt. She was about ready to throw a revolution right then and there, but she realized that she should probably get that damn birth certificate out of her mouth first.

Action: Give Zugash's birth certificate to someone, with instructions to put it on record.

[Galnius]

Realizing that he apparently had a mild mind lapse, Hubert quickly recovered his thought process. He was really getting into this. However, this was the last question. Best to make a good last impression.

"Why, I'd say it was somewhere between a falling thimble and a broken watch."

Action: Be sarcastic for humorous affect.

[Zjaum]

"What do you think you're doing, Steve?"

"My name is Haapsalu; who's Steve?" Haapsalu, clearly going nowhere, leaned back in his seat. "You know, why are you blocking me in here? I'm of no use to you. Meh, while I'm in here, I may as well start up a conversation. Do you have chess?"

Action: Befriend computer, possibly playing games (if available).

[The Northern Cresent]

Lexa walked into the dark cave, and kept on going

[G-Tech Corporation]

For fucks sake.

He hadn't realized that his hand was full of gold pieces. Upon second thought, those nerve endings for weight sensation really should be working better.

Winthrop swore up and down several deities that didn't exist, and then looked at the Death Knight.

"I don't suppose you know any diabolical spells to open doors to a storage dimension, do you? Also, out of curiosity, we've never been formally introduced. I am Sir Winthrop Eddleton, the Younger. Do you have a name?"

Action: Inquire about Dark Magic in conversation with Death Knight

[Escalan Corps-Star Island]

Selwyn was beginning to calm down. Though it'd take him far longer to fully get used to his lack of a physical form, he reasoned that he had withstood the mental shock better than many could be expected to. Now that his movement wasn't restricted by having been ambushed by some poser in a plane, he decided to look around the tunnel he had found himself in.

Action: Examine tunnel.

[Olthar]

Wheatley: 6
You scour the room from top to bottom and examine every nook and cranny. The desser contains an assortment of clothing, of both the male and female varieties. The closet contains more clothes as well as several pairs of shoes and a box of old photographs. The night stand to the left of the bed contains a copy of the Bible, a pistol, a pair of reading glasses, and a few bottles of prescription pills. The nights stand on the right (which you had to pick the lock on) contains a bottle of lube, several condoms, and numerous sex toys. Underneath the bed, there are several boxes of old, probably sentimental junk. Finally, there is a wall safe hidden behind a painting of a wall safe.
Lockpick Roll: 1
The night stand was easy to jimmy open, but the safe is a much tougher nut to crack. You end up getting so frustrated trying to open it that you start banging on and yelling at it to open. You suddenly hear the door open behind you. A teenager stands in the door, seeing the ransacked room with a mostly naked man trying to open the safe. She screams and runs away, shouting to call the police.

Aluminum: 2
Your attempt at humor falls on a silent stage. You continue to sit awkwardly for a moment before you suddenly realize that you are no longer on the stage. You're sitting in an empty movie theater. You look down to make sure that you're not strapped in and that you have all your stuff. Everything seems to be in order, but you have no idea what just happened.

Vladimir: 3
You hand the birth certificate to the nearest hospital employee and walk away, satisfied that everything will be fine.
Lose Birth Certificate!

Hubert: 4
You spout out some random nonsense that you don't even fully understand. Was that an attempt at a joke? Regardless, it didn't seem to have any effect. The stage remains completely silent, almost too silent. You continue sitting for several minutes when you realize that you're no longer strapped to the chair. You stand up and walk out of your isolated corner. You look around the fake wall but don't see the Announcer, the Bachelorette, or the other two contestants. You also notice that there is no audience or even any seats, just a projection on a wall. There's a closed door but nothing else of note.

Haapsalu: 5 - 1 = 4
You tell the AI a story about your past, about how you were always bullied in school and never had any friends. The AI connects with you and says that it, too, feels lonely. The two of you talk a bit more and find out that you have more in common than you thought.

Lexa: 4
You head down the third tunnel and walk for a ways. The entire thing is lined with mushrooms. You notice that the deeper you go, the larger the mushrooms become. Eventually, the tunnel opens up into a large cavern with huge, tree-sized mushrooms and bioluminescent moss. It's like an underground forest.

Winthrop: 2
The Death Knight blankly stares at you. It is incapable of speech.

Selwyn: 5
You examine the tunnel as closely as you can and eventually determine that the walls are made of granite. You always did enjoy rocks when you were alive.
+1 Geology!

---

Death Knight: 6
The Death Knight looks at the mushroom for a moment in contemplation. Winthrop wanted one, right? And he had to have wanted it for himself since the Death Knight can't eat things. So, the Death Knight decides to force the mushroom into Winthrop's mouth.
Strength Check: 6 + 1 - 2 = 5
While Winthrop is technically stronger, he gets caught off guard, and the Death Knight effortlessly shoves the mushroom down his throat. Immediately, the effects take hold, and Winthrop instantly doubles in size.
Lose Super Mushroom!
Winthrop: Gain Large Size! (+1 Strength, -1 Speed)

---

Lexa:
+1 Fire Resistance
Worn: Cultist Robe
Hand 1: Empty
Injuries: Moderately wounded, Burned Hands (-1 Grabbing Things)
Factions: Necromancer Cult (Minion)
Abilities: Anti-Pink Ray, Necromancy

Sir Winthrop Eddleton the Younger:
+1 Defense, +1 Will, +2 Strength
Worn: Anti-Paladin Armor (+2 Defense, +1 Intimidation, -1 Morality, -1 Agility)
Hand 1: Bag (100 gp)
Hand 2: Wolf Head Staff (+1 Attack, +Extra Attack, +Rabies)
Injuries: Severely wounded, Brain Damage (-1 Thinking)
Diseases: Ghoul Fever (-1 Fortitude)
Curses: Stunted Magic (Cannot use magic)
Mutations: Large Size (+1 Strength, -1 Speed)

Headquarters:
Cult Catacombs:
Manager: Head Cultist (+1 Magic, +1 Magic Defense, -2 Morality, Necromancy)
Employees: Cultists (-1 Morality, Necromancy), Zombies (+1 Defense, Mindless)
Assets: Basic Accommodations, Dead Bodies, Ritual Chamber (+1 Necromancy)

Allies:
Death Knight:
+1 Attack, +1 Dark Magic, +1 Intimidation, +2 Turn Resistance, -3 Morality, +1 Strength
Worn: Nothing
Hand 1: Clearly Evil Axe (+1 Attack, -1 Morality)
Hand 2: Empty

Selwyn:
-1 Talking, -1 French Things, +2 Preaching, +1 Geology
Abilities: Bi-Directional Telepathy, Incoporealness, Possession
Quest: Start the Church of Doggo

Vladimir Lenin:
+1 Seduction, +1 Singing
Worn: Nothing
Mouth: Empty
Tattoos: Flaming Chicken (right flank)
Curses: Horrible Stench
Debts: Medical Bills (15,000 gp)
Court Date Timer: 13 rounds, 12 rounds

Haapsalu Argyrix:
+1 Historic Knowledge
Worn: Conglomerate Armor (+3 Defense, -2 Agility)
Hand 1: Pencil
Hand 2: Sketch Map
Abilities: Piloting

Sketch Map:
Locations Discovered:
>>Secret Warehouse: Ark of the Covenant [Exits: Warehouse Office, Hangar Bay]
>>Warehouse Office: [Exit: Secret Warehouse]
>>Hangar Bay: Planes, Lockers [Exits: Secret Warehouse, Large Tunnel]
>>Large Tunnel: Secret Door [Exits: Hangar Bay, Unknown, Unknown]
Current Location: Large Tunnel

Hubert Poisson:
+1 Juggling
Worn: Nothing
Hand 1: Deathhorn (+1 Attack, +3 Noise)
Hand 2: Empty

Aluminum aka Alumina Allira:
Worn: Medium Armor (+1 Psionic Defense)
Hand 1: Normal Sword
Hand 2: Empty
Fetishes: Aerophilia

Wheatley:
Worn: Knockoff Long Fall Boots
Hand 1: Abyssal Portal Gun (Two portals)
Hand 2: Empty

[The Northern Cresent]

"Ooh..." thought Lexa, as he looked at the massive mushrooms. "I wonder..."

Action: Examine giant mushrooms.

[Pherdistan]

Good, with that out of the way, Lenin could get down to business. She had a few ideas, and went to those guarding the operating room to ask them a few questions.

Action: Ask an orderly for directions to the town square, then go there