The Infinites - The ninth or tenth greatest superhero team

[The first Galactic Republic]

Why is it the good villains never die?

Clark, what the hell are good villains?
-Batman and Superman

The world of the Infinites is full of excitement and danger. Costumed supervillains wielding great and terrible power run rampant. Crime continues to plague society. Rising to face these dangers are the Infinites. A national organization of superheroes who have vowed to use their superhuman powers for truth, justice, and the American way, the Infinites fight for the common man. They have saved the day countless times from all kinds of evils. The Infinites are real life superheroes. This story is about their adventures... sort of...

Originally the Infinites fought evil across the entire country, but soon it became clear that it was simply too big for them to cover. Thus new superhero recruits went on to form the West Coast Infinites. Before long numerous superhero groups were formed to protect the country, the Midwest Infinites, the Pacific Northwest Infinites, the Canadian Infinites, the Quebec Infinites, the Texas Infinites, the Southern Infinites...

Meet the heroes of our story, the Minnesota Infinites. The ninth or tenth greatest team of superheroes in the country. They may not be A-listers, or B-listers, or even C-listers, but they still have days of saving the country. So long as the other superheroes are all busy. They may not get good press, or any press, and they may not have their own line of action figures or corporate sponsorships, but they are heroes who truly care about justice. Mostly. Probably...

OOC: viewtopic.php?f=31&t=388689

[The first Galactic Republic]

“Come on now. It’s late. You should get to bed.”


“But I don’t want to uncle. I’m not tired.”


“You’d stay up all night if I let you. Come on. You have all day tomorrow to do whatever you want.”


“But I’m just not tired. I’m, I’m bored.”


“Bored?”


“Yeah. I won’t get to sleep anyways. I’ll just lie here.”


“Hmm. Remember what I used to do? When you were little. The bedtime stories I used to tell you?”


“The Infinites?”


“Yeah those stories. You would always fall asleep then.”


“You’re not going to tell me one of those stories now are you?”


“Well, you just turned twelve last week. You’re far too old for bedtime stories.”


“Yeah well, it’s been awhile. I don’t remember all the stories. It doesn’t have to be a bedtime story. Just tell me one of the stories again, and I won’t be bored anymore. Sounds like a good idea right? Then I’ll go right to sleep.”


“Heh, trying to sell me that idea huh? You have more in common with my family than I’d care to admit. Alright, I’ll tell you a story about the Infinites. It’s not going to be any of the stories I used to tell you though.”


“Uncle?”


“Those bedtime stories were for kids. You’re twelve now. You’re too old for those stories not just because they were bedtime stories, but because they don’t really tell what happened. They don’t really tell the story of the Infinites. You weren’t old enough to know the truth, to know the whole story. Now you are though so if I tell you this story, it’s going to be the entire story. One you haven’t quite heard before.”


“Wow… I-I’m ready uncle.”


“Heh, no you’re not. Tomorrow how about? It’s a long story, and it’s far too late.”


“What?! Come on. You can’t lead me on like that!”


“This isn’t a bedtime story.”


“Don’t think of it like a bedtime story, think of it like a prelude. The hook to get me excited for the rest of the story. Every story needs a hook.”


“Alright. I guess I could start the story. After all this story is different from the other ones I told you. Those old stories, where did they always start?”


“With the creation of the Infinites uncle.”


“See, that’s not the real start of the story. That’s not where everything begins. To really understand the Infinites, to understand what happened, you need to go back further. Almost a century ago. Back to the 1930’s.”


The world was no stranger to war, but back then a war larger than any ever fought before ravaged the world. A black cross fell over Europe, while a rising sun consumed the Pacific. These Axis Powers brought war to the entire planet. A heroic alliance of nations rose to stop them though. The greatest of the allied nations, the brave and powerful bear and the swift and defiant eagle, lead the charge. They fought the Axis across the world. Whatever the Axis could bring to bear, they could field twice as much. Slowly the Axis was pushed back, but millions died. The allied leaders decided this was unacceptable. The war had to be ended quickly, before more lives were lost. They turned to more esoteric means.


“Uncle? What does esoteric mean?”


Screwed up. That’s what I mean by esoteric. They turned to more screwed up means.


In a ruined eastern European city, Soviet troops running through the streets are ambushed by several Germans entrenched in the nearby buildings. The cracks of small arms fire tear through the street. Several of the Soviets fall dead or wounded, but the radioman makes it to a pile of rubble. He yells for support. Within seconds a massive armored vehicle decloaks down the street, having been rendered invisible by its American made cloaking system, supplied through the lend-lease act. The tank fires a bright orange shell from its cannon at the nearby building, and a fireball erupts. A few soldiers are caught in the blast, but the “lucky” ones quickly asphyxiate. The Soviets cheer. Hundreds of miles away in a similarly war torn town in France a German machine gun position suppresses a squad of American soldiers. One of the infantrymen, holding heavy equipment on his back, kneels down and begins to set it up. Two of his squadmates help him set up while the others cover him. Though it takes a minute, seemingly an eternity as every second is marked by multiple MG42 rounds, the soldier assembles the weapon and readies it. As his squadmates fire wildly at the Germans the soldier steps out of cover and aims the weapon. A burst of energy flies out and hits the machine gun nest. The German soldiers are vaporized. The Americans begin to celebrate but a squad of Germans emerge and fire at them. A stray shot hits the power pack of the terrible weapon. Knowing what it means the American soldier charges the German lines, while his squadmates run the other direction. He is gunned down quickly, but it is then that the power pack overloads. The Americans barely escape the blast.


But it wasn’t enough. The war dragged on. Tens of millions perished. The Allies decided to turn to their ultimate weapon. They felt that the end of the war would justify it. They felt like they had to do anything to bring a quick end to the conflict.


It is another day in Berlin. Citizens try to live their normal lives the best they can in the ruined city. Air raids are a constant state of life for them. The circling scout planes, reminders of an imminent Soviet invasion, are ignored as much as possible. Today is a quite day. Soviet planes have not been seen in two days. Allied bombing raids are becoming less common. There are whispers that the Allies have used a terrible new weapon on the front lines, but those are still miles away. The citizens of Berlin are confident that the war will end soon with a peaceful surrender, like the last war did. Suddenly the air raid sirens sound. They are delayed as the spotters thought there was a mistake. There was an American bomber, with a few escorts, headed to the city. Only one though. The citizens begin to scramble to the shelters, but many are confused. They look up at the strange B-30 Roaring Fortress, the sound of the bomber’s jet engines is unmistakable. They simply pause and look up at the bomber, wondering why there was only one. No one can see the single bomb fall from the bomber, but nobody missed the flash. The brilliant flash, like a second sun, that rapidly consumed the city. Before the concussion blast can be heard, most people are gone. Ashes, burned into the pavement of the dead city.


Imagine the worst thing you can think of. The absolute worst thing possible.


Atomic bombs were worse.


It is years later. A new generation of children has since grown up and given birth to another generation of children. It is a quiet day in Dallas, Texas. A small girl plays in her parent’s backyard. In the corner of her eye she notices a small insect flying around. She stumbles after it. She hasn’t even been walking a year. Her mother is in the other room, making lunch. It is quiet. Birds chirp. The occasional car drives through the street. It is far more quiet than it should be though. The alarms aren’t sounding. The Americans have underestimated the strength of the Russian cloaking systems. Still a warning soon comes through the Emergency Broadcast System. The father watches in the living room, and he gets up to inform his wife. In the backyard the girl continues to chase after the flying insect, until another moving object gets her eye. It’s high in the sky. She strains to notice it. She reaches out to grab it, innocently intrigued by the Winter Revolutionary intercontinental ballistic missile headed towards the city. Then there is the flash. The brilliant, horrible flash that outshines everything. That burns like a second sun in the sky. A terrible achievement of Soviet engineering that comes to inform the citizens of the city of their imminent doomsday. It is the wrath of man, the horrors of science, the terrible sword come to deliver communist justice on the central Texas city. The girl’s optic nerves are fried by the intensity, but before her nervous system can even alert her that anything is wrong she is hit by the heat. In an instant the insect is gone, in another the girl is gone. Before she can even turn her head the mother is gone, and in another instant the father is gone before he can even notice his wife.


Minutes pass. It is still too bright in Dallas to see, but an outside observer can notice the cloud. The mushroom cloud that rises triumphantly into the sky with the city of Dallas beneath it. This is the product of Russia’s best and brightest. Its finest scientist worked on this. Some were proud of their work, some were horrified, some simply did their jobs and filled their spare time with the pleasures of the flesh. This is the pinnacle of human science, bringing an end to human civilization. Across the world it is the same. Soviet missiles find their mark in the US, and American missiles soon strike their targets. Many countries are caught up in the war. They were divided, humanity had always been divided, but the mushroom clouds stood united. Together across the planet they stood over the civilizations that built them. These super powers brought about their own end. They die not crucified on a cross of gold, but sprawled over a mound of dirt.


The bear and the eagle soon turned on each other. At first they were both afraid of the terrible weapons they had, but soon their anger and greed surpassed their fear. The spread of communism. The destruction of the capitalist imperialists. The protection of the American way of life. These statements seemed so important before the bombs fell. Afterwards, they meant nothing.


The pinnacle of human science almost destroyed human civilization. This wouldn’t be the last time. No, it wouldn’t be the last time.


“Well good night then.”


“What! Whoa, you can't end it there! You can’t set up a story like that and just end it there! What happens next?”


“I told you this wasn’t a bedtime story. I’ll finish the story tomorrow. Good night.”


----


“The monthly meeting of the Minnesota Infinites begins. Presiding over the meeting is the leader of the Minnesota Infinites, Captain Calculator.”


*Cough* "Douchebag."


“Thank you Teetotaler. I will now make the opening statement. Though I am aware that my house is currently unusable as the Minnesota Infinites Headquarters as a result of a bedbug infestation, I would still like to take this time to complain about having to use the secondary headquarters. What Benjamin Richards refers to as ‘The Closet’.”


Across the table a man in a white cloak stands up. “Oh come on man! The Closet is awesome!”


“Let me say this in a way that makes it impossible to misinterpret what I’m saying. This place sucks donkey scrotum.”


"Oh-oh yeah! Well, how many supervillain attacks have happened here! None! We have that going for us.”


“No self-respecting villain wants to go here.”


“That’s the point! The anonymity is its greatest strength.”


“If I have to be the asshole who says that superheroes shouldn’t operate out of their mom’s basement then I’ll do that.”


“Ooh, look at Captain Calculator over here. So high and mighty with his range rover and his mid-sized townhouse. We’re all so impressed soccer dad.”


“The exchange between Coathanger Man and Captain Calculator is noted-”


“Shut up Teetotaler. Alright on to the next item of business. Every month we ask Kendall Mueller if she has come up with a superhero name yet. So um, how’s that going?”


At the other end of the table a woman stands up. She is wearing normal clothes. It’s a far cry from the appearances of the others in the room but make no mistake, she belongs with these misfits.


“Okay so I live in the town of Orient, Minnesota right? So here it is. I’m, the Oriental Woman!”


She glances around hopefully, but her hope fades as she notices the upset faces of her teammates.


“What?”


Coathanger Man covers his mouth to avoid laughing as Captain Calculator sighs, sliding his hand across his green mask in frustration. “Did you, did you say that out loud when you came up with that?”


“Umm, no I didn’t. I hear the problem with it now.”


“Great so that isn’t settled. On to the next item. President Neil Patrick Harris has approved the motion to expand the Infinites, which means we’ll get new recruits. Now the ones with promising careers will go to the Great Lakes Infinites, or the Gulf Infinites. The ones with no future, we get them. There’s quite a few of them this time.”


Kendall Mueller sat down. She jumped on the opportunity to change the subject. “When will they get here?”


“They’re on their way now. Let’s get ready to introduce them and… where’s Fruit Passion?”


Coathanger Man looked up from his mobile game. “Who?”


“What do you mean who? The soda themed conspiracy nut, where is he?”


“Oh yeah. I guess he wasn’t here. You kind of drone him out you know, you stop noticing if he’s there or not.”


“Great. God forbid he’s the first one the new superheroes meet.”


----


Fruit Passion’s Narration. September 8th, 2016: (45 BNWO - Before New World Order)


Dog carcass in the alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. Well maybe the dog was just asleep, and maybe that was just a red drink someone spilled. Anyways. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of fluoride. Meant to control the population. When the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will come. The accumulated filth of all their diet foods and their sparkling waters will foam up about their waists and all the health nuts and angry parents will look up and shout “Save us!”...


... and I’ll look down, and whisper “Fruit Passion! It’s the soda superheroes drink!”


Fruit Passion put away his notebook and began to walk back in the direction of The Closet.


My teammates are hiding something from me, I know it. I’ll catch them by surprise though. Whoever is coming to visit them, I’ll be the first one they meet. I’ll get to the bottom of this.

[Talchyon]

The Incredible Hulk. Superman. The Mighty Thor.


Wimps. All of them. I could beat them. Either one on one, or all three at once. I don't care. See, everyone knows these guys, with their muscles and laser vision, and magic hammers that somehow always come back like a boomerang and never really hit them in the face, ya know? But they don't know me. They don't know the power of my awesomeness. I actually have a pretty cool costume. Much better than theirs, anyway. Take Hulk - pants ripped to shreds - which actually is pretty cool looking. But it makes you wonder why Bruce Banner doesn't just go walking around in size 78 waist to begin with, and just have suspenders over them the whole time? Yeah, Dr. Bruce Banner would look like a circus clown a lot of the time. But whenever Hulk comes out, he doesn't have to rip his pants! How many pairs of pants does Bruce Banner go through in a year? And then Thor. He has pointy little wings on a metal helmet. I tried making something like that in shop class once, only the welding iron went all cold and all I had at the end were pieces of scrap metal and a beanie that I got at the second-hand store? Dude! And Superman's costume? Red underwear on the outside of his pants. Yeah, that screams, "I'm going to beat you up." What a wimp. No matter what everyone else in the world thinks, I know I could beat any of them if they were real. Too bad they'll never get that chance, and the world will never know.

My name is Shawn Glitzky, but you can call me "Glitch." I can make things not work and really suck, and I can make people dumb. Except in some cases. I went to Hollywood once, and I took another trip to Washington D.C., and I don't know what happened, but I couldn't make anybody stupider there than they already were. It's like they were so stupid already, there was no possible way to make them even less intelligent. It's like they had the Kryptonite for my ability - only, I didn't start getting sick or anything and start keeling over. Ok, scratch that. I did have some really awful nachos before, and so I was getting sick and starting to keel over, but it had nothing to do with stupid people not getting dumber. It was just gas.


So what's that? You don't think I could actually beat the Hulk? You don't even think I could beat the Flash or Spiderman? Dude. I'm telling you. Trust me. I'm serious, man. Here's how I'd beat the Hulk. I told you I make things suck, right? Well, that just kind of happens. It's destiny. It's Destiny's Child. It's Beyonce', and beyond Beyonce'. It's Destiny's beyond Beyonce' Child destined for destiny. You could call it fate, too. Whatever. So, like, Hulk would come and maybe pick up a car or something to smash me with? And my power would seep out of me like the seepiest seeper thing, seepily, and immediately, that car wouldn't function as a smasher. It just would get stuck, I guess. And Hulk would get so angry, that he'd try to throw the car somewhere else, but it wouldn't do that either. Eventually Hulk would just try to throw it somewhere but it would come crashing down on his foot instead, and he'd smash himself and his bones would probably be sticking out and everything. Dude. That's how I'd beat the Hulk, and I wouldn't even have to try.

Or take the Flash. I could beat him. All he does is run really fast. Well, that's pretty easy to beat him if the ground won't function and let him run on it. So he'd be there, legs 'a movin', arms pumpin', and goin' nowhere. And I could just walk over and punch him or something and he'd eventually get beat. I was in a fight in 2nd grade, and I won that one, so I'm sure this wouldn't be a problem, either.

I can beat any hero. Or villain, I'm not a bad guy. Nobody knows it yet. But they will. This is my story. It's really about me.



Anyway, I digress. So, there I was, on the doorstep of the place that I was told the Minnesota Infinites were supposed to be meeting. I guess I passed their interview? And the physical. That was kind of gross. But now's the time. I press the doorbell - which fails to work, as I kind of wondered if it might. I try opening the door. Stuck. Malfunctioning. That's everyday life for me. Even knocking on the door was completely silent, as if all sound wasn't working. So, plan D. I went back to the street, got a running start, and ran straight for the window, jumping at the right time - Crash. The window was working fine. Broken glass and a few scrapes here and there. But I'm inside. And there are some people all gathered around, all of them in pretty lame costumes but some babe - not like mine.


" Sup, guys. I'm Glitch. Dude, your door wasn't working." Like they say, first impressions count.

[Auropa]

Sarah Foy

A merciless light pierced through her defences and struck hard. It cut deep into her, causing an uncontrollable pain to shoot out then spread throughout her entire being shaking her to the very sole.
“Ma’am” The cruel master of suffering began “This is the last stop; you have to get off now.”

Desperately she struggled against her inevitable fate and attempted once more to shut out the intense shine, but the ending was inescapable.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry but you really can’t sleep here. We need to clean this place and empty the…”

At long last Sarah accepted the inevitable and half opened her eyes to the irritating bus driver that stood before her. The man looked relieved for a moment, probably happy to discover that his passenger hadn’t gone and died. Then he started looked concerned and a little afraid as she continued to wordlessly stare at him through half opened irritated eyes. “Sooo.” She finally began as her eyes drifted to the dark object in the man’s hands “my sunglasses?”

Sarah was a hero, legally speaking of course. Somehow she got accepted into the Minnesota infinites, for whatever reason they were accepting new members, which meant an easy way to pay some bills. Literally nothing seemed to happen here which was perfect for her, a nice cushy job to relax at until she was bored. Cutting a long story short, she eventually left the bus and got back her sunglasses before making her way down to the ‘headquarters’ she was apparently assigned to. It didn’t take too long before she could see the perfectly average house. At least it was average when she was arriving. In front of the building was some gangly idiot who couldn’t work a door. Sighing and immediately deciding she didn’t want to talk to the guy, she waited across the street leaning on a lamppost waiting for the man to figure out the science of doors or give up and go away. But neither took place, instead he began to back up then… ’What the hell?!’

With almost no hesitation the man charged forward before majestically jumping through the nearby window into the darkness of within, leaving her sight. Sarah blinked. Then again, before rubbing her eyes and half straitening up. Either she was still asleep on the bus (best case) or that was without a doubt the stupidest thing she had ever seen. After a small kick to the lamppost followed by immediate regret she confirmed it was the latter. She considered just ‘not’ going into the building but gave in to the pesky nature of responsibility, she already had a flat here and was not planning on moving back to her parent’s house. Instead she reluctantly began to cross the street making her way towards the house. Crazy or not, there were worse first full time jobs than Super Hero. Librarian or PE teacher for example, the very thought sent a small shiver down her spine and propelled her to the front.

‘Well, what do you know?’ She thought to herself as she tried the door only to find it broken. She toyed with idea that it was some test that the new heroes were meant to undergo, a sort of initiation ritual to see they had what it takes. If it was, she figured that the crazy guy probably had the wrong idea. Obviously the answer was patience.

She turned around to survey the houses with her trained masterful gaze. ‘There’ she thought while reaching out with her mind. Feeling the familiar cold tinge at the back of her neck she knew her powers had griped hard on its target. With a single thought they acted and pulled on the defenceless prize its master had demanded. It all only lasted an instant and went on to only leave one very confused cat. Three houses down the road, an unsuspecting lawn chair was plucked from its position and brought before Sarah then placed on its new lawn. She allowed herself a small smile, no matter how many times she used her powers they never ceased to bring a sense of pride to her. Then, in truest fashion, she put on her sunglasses and sat back on her new chair ready to take a short nap until the riddle revealed itself or someone else solved it for her.

‘A sound strategy’ she thought to herself as she began to drift off. But something was nagging at her as she did so, a small discomforting feeling she couldn’t quite shake. Beneath her sunglasses she opened her eyes once more and lazily looked around. It was probably nothing but she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. She weighed up her options before making her decision, she was outside a hero HQ so the best option was definitely to wait and see if anything came. In the case it was some heinous villain she would play the heroic role of bait for the rest of the team. Yeah, that makes sense she thought to herself with a small yawn as she once again fell asleep beneath the warm sun.

[Unified Korean Peninsula]

Brian Bell a.k.a. Professor Brain

---

"May I take your order, please," Brian Bell sat in his 1986 Ford Taurus staring blankly at a McDonald's drive-thru speaker box as a female employee's distorted voice came out. "Sir? Sir? May I take your order, please," Brian wasn't really paying attention, he'd allowed his mind to wander elsewhere. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to move on if you aren't going to order anything," as she spoke, another car had pulled up behind Brian's Ford Taurus, its driver becoming visibly annoyed at Brian's inaction. "Sir, if you don't order anything and aren't going to leave, I'm gonna call the cops," fortunately, Brian's mind returned as another infuriated driver, who'd also pulled into a queue that'd begun to form behind Brian's Ford Taurus, honked his car's horn. "Hmm? Oh yes! Sorry, I'm ready to place my order now," an exasperated sigh was clearly audible through the speaker box but Brian didn't pay it any mind. "I'd like a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese - and I'd like to get that as a meal - and a mediu- wait! Large Coke, thanks," Brian didn't have to wait long. "Alright, your order's been placed, move on to the next window," Brian hurriedly mumbled another, "thank you," and, "sorry," before pulling his car around to pay for his order.

Brian hadn't anticipated a middle-aged Asian woman, who wasn't alltogether unattractive, to be sat awaiting him. "Alright, that'll be $6.99, will you be paying by cash or car-," she'd seen Brian's enlarged and malformed cranium, he'd forgotten to put his cap back on to conceal it, and she hadn't exactly reacted positively. "Shit! Sorry, shit!" Brian swore as he hurriedly donned his cap that'd been laying next to him on the passenger seat. She'd managed to partially regain her composure once Brian had concealed his deformity; a consummate professional. "W... w... will you be paying by cash or card, sir?" Brian produced a dilapidated faux-leather wallet responding, "card," as he took an American Express credit card out. Brian put it into her slightly trembling hand only to have her pass it back almost immediately. "Sir, your card's been declined," Brian didn't believe her. "What? It can't be, try it again," she did and it still didn't work. "Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuck!" Brian took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply. "Alright, I'll pay in cash," Brian took out his wallet again and began to rifle through it. "It's seven dollars, right?" Brian asked. "$6.99, actually," Brian had to stifle his rage. "Okay, here's six dollars," Brian shoved a wad of cash - some one dollar bills and miscellaneous coins - into her hands. Despite Brian's increasingly frantic searching, he couldn't find the remaining ninety-nine cents required to pay. "Look, it's just a dollar, surely you can let it slide," she didn't respond.

"Alright then, can I just get a coffee or don't I have enough for that as well?" She didn't say anything for a while but eventually spoke. "What size?" Brian remained calm. "Large... please," Brian said, feigning a smile. "Alright, that'll be $1.43 so here's $4.57 back and I'll have your coffee shortly," Brian held out his hand as she dropped his change into it. "Just pull up to the next window to collect your order," Brian didn't mumble a, "thank you," or, "sorry," this time. Brian drove his 1986 Ford Taurus up to the next window to collect his coffee, an acne-ridden teenager awaiting him. "Here's your coffee, sir, do you want any sugar?" Brian struggled to remain calm, he didn't want to stay here any longer. "No, I'm fine, thanks," Brian responded, taking his coffee as he did so and pulling away from this McDonald's as quickly as possible. As Brian drove away, towards the Minnesota Infinites headquarters, he gently sipped his coffee in an attempt to ease his frustration. Unfortunately, his takeaway coffee cup's lid hadn't been properly secured and, as Brian's Ford Taurus drove through a pothole, it went everywhere; scolding Brian's neck and chest. "FUCK!"

[Barbariany]

BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM!

The ground began to shake as the rythmic noise came closer towards the Hero Headquarters. A large shadow was cast, and for those below it would seem as if the night suddenly had decided to come early, or that the news had forgotten to mention a solar eclipse that were scheduled today. That is, unless they were old locals and knew perfectly well what was going on. Perhaps not even then though, since it was a long time ago now since Paula Bunyan last had visited the town. However, all they had to do was to look up to notice her return, as she stood there, towering over them all.

The loud drumming sound and the small local earthquakes stopped as the giantess halted. Carefully she eyed the area beneath her, to make sure that she wouldn't accidently squish some poor soul. But aside from a young woman sleeping in a chair, there weren't many people around. A bit strange considering the time of the day, but maybe they had ran off when they heard her come. Paula sighed. It was always the same story.

Still, it allowed her to move without risk, so there was something good to it too. She got down on her knees, and then all fours, in front of the quite anonomous HQ. She peered through the broken window, which was only large enough for one of her eyes, and looked at the tiny people inside.

"Hello?" she whispered quietly, but the volume came out like a normal inside voice for the average sized ears that hopefully listened. "Is this where the Minnesota Infinities meet?"

[Syrixces]

Evan Ryce - Polyp

Evan sighed, hiking the bag up over his shoulder. His simple green duffel contained all he would need here, some clothes, some snacks, his laptop, and his phone. Everything a growing coral-manipulator needed. He wasn't exactly super hero material, he knew this, he was a goddamn coral manipulator, and hec, he'd never been a beach kid to begin with. But hey, if you got an idea, roll with it, right? Maybe he'd even get a spotlight as a sidekick in comic book one day.

Maybe.

It was either that, or become a villain. He could just imagine the headlines now, and chuckled to himself.

Shaking his head and grinning, he walked up the main doors of the headquarters, noticing the giant girl standing outside. Pausing, he tilted his head to the side, and cupped his hands over his mouth, shouting, "Hey, how's the weather up there?!"

Grinning he stepped back, the heavy bag on his back full of coral, coral books, clothes and food making him feel even smaller than he already did, next to this well, giantess.

[Olthar]

A twelve foot tall half-cow lady roamed the streets of Orient, Minnesota. She wore only a crude, hand-made bra of wolf fur as her lower extremities were already covered in her own coarse hair. She had been there for almost two weeks trying to find the headquarters of the Minnesota Infinites, but she failed to grasp the nuances of street addresses, not that she could even read the signs, anyways. It was a minor miracle that she had even made it to the right city. Of course, she was supposed to join the team four months earlier.

Today, it seemed, was going to be Face Smasher's lucky one as she now had the biggest and most noticeable landmark around to guide her. A giant woman had just entered the city and nealt down some several blocks away. Curious, Face Smasher halted her search of the Infinites to investigate and began charging towards the giant.

Between her long legs and powerful muscles, it didn't take long to close the distance, and Face Smasher soon emerged from around the corner, barreling straight towards the small crowd.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEY!" She shouted towards the three people as she approached rapidly.

[Setinel]

It had been a rough morning for Jack Dent. Aside from burning his toast (a true tragedy in the eyes of mankind), it had only been a few days in the backup HQ, and already Jack was tired of sleeping on the couch. But that wasn't even the worst bit.

It was a sunny morning day, and Jack was swearing in the kitchen, as his toast came out blackened and flaming. By some odd lucky chance, the smoke alarms still didn't go off.
"S*** f*** t**** c*** b**** a**!" Jack let out loudly. It would only get worse, as Jack found out about that mornings meeting. He only had time to grab a coffee before going down to the basement and listening to the meeting. It would reach it's end before he finally spoke.
"Great. More recruits. That's the last thing we need," Jack muttered.
As if on que, a man jumped through the window, a giant looked through it after him, and a cow came bareling down the road.
"You see this? This is the s*** I'm talking about!"

[Sphinxatopd]

Captain Andorra

Captain Andorra was having a bad day. Of course, he only realised that after the question. The one he dreaded, but heard so many times. He was working at MacDonald's today, and normally he loved the job. He meet all sorts of people.

The man he was serving came at the end of the shift. He was a tall, white man, who himself with a confident, almost snobbish air. Antonio (Captain Andorra) didn't remember what the man ordered, but had sent back the order. One of the people o pile working the back said it would take five minutes, so to make small talk. Normally Antonio loved this, but today he was just tired. He put it down to it being the end of a shift.

The man spoke first.

"So, uh, Drump wants to build a wall. That must really make you mad because you're Mexican right?"

"Actually, I'm European."

"Oh, you're from Spain! How do the Spanish feel about Mexico anyway?"

"Ummm... I'm from Andorrra. "

Awkward silence. Then like in slow motion, the question came:

"Where's Andorra?"

Normally Antonio would have whipped out a pamphlet and shown it to the man while excitedly chattering about how awesome it is. Today however, the spark was dead. He slowly handed the man the pamphlet while maintaining the same facial position. After work, he realised what the problem was. He was tired of the questions, of the wonder of all the stuff regarding Andorra. He was just tired. He began to slowly and sadly walk home when he remembered that today was his first day working at the infinite group around here. They needed a new spirit and that was him. He changed into his eye-meltingly primaried colored suit. He began to run at a sprinters speed all the way towards the addressee.

As he ran their he began to remember why he loved being a superhero. The power, the adrenaline rush, and the good feelings of helping people. He finally made it to the door of the place and in an attempt to look cool, he kicked open the door. Inside, there was a group of people who had dark circles around their eyes and just generally looked bad. "Excuse me. Is this the Missouri infinites?" The people all pointed next door like this was a question they got alot."Oh."

Captain Andorra was still going to try and make a good impression. He decided that the shock and awe of a person busting through the wall would be sufficiently epic to make a good impression. He stood at one end of the room and charged the weak dry rock wall. He only managed to get his shield through, and it gotta stuck. "Oh,sorry! Dang it shield! Get out!" After pulling his shield through the wall and making an even bigger hole, he climbed through the hole and struck and struck an epic pose. Which is difficult if you are covered in drywall.

"Hello! I am Captain Andorra! Ready to protect Americans and the world. I am ready to fight for the morals and virtues of Andorra!"

[The first Galactic Republic]

The four members of the Minnesota Infinites looked all around them in disbelief. In the span of a few minutes, numerous individuals had suddenly appeared at the headquarters. Some of them even came through the windows and walls. These were the recruits all right. Did the Infinites pause to marvel at the unapologetic convenience of the recruits they had just been talking about all suddenly appearing at once? Maybe they would have, had they not become soul crushingly depressed after years of living like D-listers; the bottom step of a ladder that you're not even supposed to step on. The exception to this was the young Coathanger Man. A far simpler thought popped into his mind.

"What are you doing to my wall!"

[Sphinxatopd]

"Uhhh..." Captain Andorra wants t sure how to respond here. They were supposed to marvel in his awe. Or at least say hi.

"Was that your wall?" He said while poking the hole. "I...uh though it was their wall," while pointing at the people in the other room. They waved slowly. "They said I could bust through the wall, and I guess that they didn't know you owned the last half meter of it? I'm Captain Andorra by the way. I think you're clothes hanger man? And you are," He pointed to captain calculator, " He is Soccer Dad. Or was Calculator Dad? Or Soccer man? I'm have no idea. Sorry."

[The Land of the Golden Blobfish]

“Mittens!” The young boy grabbed his cat from the man. The cat had gotten stuck in one of the parks trees and refused to get down. It wasn't until when the man came and climbed up that they were able to safely rescue it. The child beamed up at the man, “Thanks Mr, you're the best!”

“No problem little bro, anytime. Hey, do you by chance know where the Minnesota Infinites HQ is?”

“Yeah, it's just down the street to the left Mr. Does this mean you're a superhero?”

“Thanks dude and no sorry, I'm far from one.” With that the man made his way out of the park, leaving the boy standing there, still smiling after him even when he was out of sight.

“I think you are…”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Taking a slight detour Matthew had stopped at a doughnut shop, buying hopefully enough for everyone he would soon meet. On his travel he had seen several other heros, all wearing bright flashy costumes that stood out from the rest of the crowd. They were all clearly distinguishable, unlike Matthew who was still wearing his casual blue hoodie and track pants. He didn’t mind though, after all, it was easier living day by day without some hidden identity. The whole hero thing was just for fun to him, feeling no reason to be anyone but himself during it. And he noticed it helped people, seeing some ordinary person out there saving others without the whole supersuit and the giant ego that came with it. Not to mention the spotlight they got. As long as he helped people and got a kick doing it, it was sort of a win-win.

Arriving at the HQ, Matthew quickly noticed the smashed door in front of him. He quickened his brisk walk towards the commotion and looked in at the group, “Hey, is this the hero club? I signed up and...uh, well, I brought donuts.”

[Auropa]

Sometimes life was cruel. Sarah was pleasantly napping until she heard a distant rumbling, then a not so distant rumbling then felt the ground shaking as a literal giant ran up to the building. She felt a familiar air of defeat as she opened her eyes beneath her sunglasses succumbing to the horros of not sleeping. Although as looked around only to see the giant kneeling on all fours trying to peek through the broken window She had one thought. ‘Nope. Nope nope nope nope’ She thought calmly as she continued to lie there unmoving ‘not dealing with this today, or any day’. As she considered her escape plan things continued to get worse.

First came the sea nerd with his ‘coral?!’ and god awful "how's the weather up there?!" line. Honestly, she couldn’t decide if she wanted to hit him for the stupid joke or just take his lunch money. Before she could do either however another freak joined the party, a cow… "HEEEEEEEEEEEY!” Slowly rising to her elbows Sarah turned to face the newco‘Holy S*** evolution was unfair!’ she thought, ironically interrupting her own train of thought, as she looked at the minotaur with more than a little envy.

Finally, a man looking almost as done-with-life as her showed up saying exactly what everyone must have been thinking "You see this? This is the s*** I'm talking about!" Still not quite awake Sarah felt herself smile at the comment, at least someone was having it worse than her. And as if on cue she heard the shattering of a wall, some war cries about protecting Americans followed by shouting and apologies.

Then the saving grace of all mankind arrived. Doughnuts. “Dibs!” Sarah shouted, speaking up for the first time. She raised a hand and without a moment’s hesitation, used her powers to snatch the box from the newcomer’s hands then brought the goodies her lap before taking out the glorious sprinkled doughnut.
“Thanksh” She muttered between bites “I’m Sharah” Pausing for a moment as she chewed she decided to take off her glasses knowing she won’t be getting any shut eye for a bit. “Quite the group we’ve got here eh?” Maybe she should’ve introduced herself to the others as they showed up… ‘meh, doughnut boy gets privilege’ she decided. After popping the last piece of the doughnut into her mouth she continued “Yup, welcome to the hero club’s newest recruits. We got Ginormica, Miss Moolala, a nerd, an idiot who’s allergic to doors and captain sad face. Actually captain sad face looks too sad to be new. Oh and I’m pretty sure someone broke something inside as well.”

[The first Galactic Republic]

Captain Calculator struggled to contain his frustration.

"Even if the wall did belong to the whole team, why that would make it okay to smash it?"

Behind Captain Calculator a TV monitor suddenly came to life. The very stern face of a masked individual glared down at the people in the room, but Captain Calculator didn't notice.

"Captain?"

"We work hard for everything we do. The last thing we need right now is for some wet behind the ears spandex clad screwball to come in here and break everything!"

"Uh Captain?"

"Don't interrupt me Teetotaler. This is important. Ten years I've been in Orient! Ten years, and am I thanked for my service? No! Instead I have to do my best with what I have, but what can I do with people holding superhero meetings in their mom's basement, or people smashing the walls of said basement up! All I'm asking for is some respect here! Big time heroes like Nightshade or Captain Fantastic get to spend their twilight years and America's tax dollars on expensive booze and cheap entertainment while hard working people like me-"

"Captain!"

"And another thing! It's Captain Calculator recruit! Not soccer man!"

Finally the masked figure in the screen spoke up. "Calculator!"

Captain Calculator spin around. "Gaah! Purple!"

"Your knee jerk reaction to my fashion sense is noted Captain Calculator. Can we move on to more important matters now?"

"N-Nightshade! What a... pleasant surprise. When was the last time you contacted us directly like this?"

"Two years ago. October 2014. Coathanger Man had nine hundred US dollars worth of candy shipped to my address. I was less than amused."

"Oh yeah." Captain Calculator groaned, glancing to the offending Coathanger themed hero. He didn't notice as he was too busy sampling doughnuts brought by a recruit. "How could I forget. What happened this time."

"I know it's easy to forget considering how dull your existence has become Calculator, but you are an official Infinites team. You are expected to serve the people and government of the American Federation, and in some circumstances the people and government of the Canadian Republic. I am contacting you because I have an actual assignment for you. A supervillain."

A silence fell over all those not overly distracted by food in the room. "A supervillain? Like a real one? One the news would actually talk about and stuff?"

"Well, I wouldn't go too far there. It is a real villain, and we believe he is headed to Minneapolis. He will be there within two days. You are hereby assigned to stop this villain. This is an official mission."

For once, it seemed like things were looking up for the Minnesota Infinites, but Captain Calculator knew things couldn't be as good as they seemed.

"If I may ask, why not the Midwest Infinites. Why us?"

"Well if it's brutal honestly you want, it's brutal honestly you'll get. This is the absolute dumbest excuse for a villain I've seen in a long time. You and him would really hit it off Calculator. He's not worth our time, but you are going to deal with him. Do this right and maybe you'll make the news."

The TV screen went blank as the transmission ended. "Yes sir."

The king of the D-listers turned to face everyone in the room. "Well you heard him recruits. Looks like your timing couldn't have been better. A real mission, sort of, for the team to go on. Since it actually matters now, would everyone who hasn't like to introduce themselves? Does anyone have any questions for this illustrious branch of the Infinites?

[Barbariany]

Evan Ryce - Polyp

"Hey, how's the weather up there?!"

Grinning he stepped back, the heavy bag on his back full of coral, coral books, clothes and food making him feel even smaller than he already did, next to this well, giantess.

Ugh... Paula grimaced. She was so sick of that joke. Normally she would've let it slide, but for some reason, not today. So she sat up, and looked down at Polyp, literally.

"It's raining actually, how's it down there?" she replied him sarcastically, but chose to not whisper this time, and blasted the poor polyp with the decibels of a rock concert. She had lied to him, the weather was just as sunny for her as for them, but the lie was needed for the petty revenge she just had come up with for Evan. He needed to be taught a lesson. The giantess thus cleared her throat and released a gob of spit right at the coral manipulating hero. She grinned as he was drenched in her saliva, but didn't snicker. He had deserved it, but she didn't take much joy in the act in itself. Okay, maybe a little. Okay, maybe more than just a little. Not much more than that though.

"Seems like you forgot your umbrella too, you better run inside. Though if you behave it might clear up!"

Paula than then greeted Face Smasher with a nod, a friendly smile and a wave of her hand. She didn't judge her for her appearance, Paula knew perfectly well from own experience what it was like to be different.

The group then slowly seemed to assemble, so Paula lay down on the ground again, but on her stomach this time. It seemed this meeting or whatever you would call it could take some time, and she wanted to be in a comfortable position.

"I'm Paula Bunyan", she introduced herself, now whispering again. "I take it my 'power' is obvious to all of you... I have a question about our first mission... Who is the supervillain we must stop, and what does he or she look like? I don't think that guy ever mentioned those little details."

[Olthar]

Face Smasher hadn't paid much attention to any of the chaos happening around her. She was too focused on the giant. She stood, staring in awe for several moments, until Paula introduced herself. The minotaur quickly responded.

"Hello! I'm Face Smasher! You're really big! That's cool! But I have to go. I need to find the Mini-soda Intimates and become a superhero! Bye!"

After waving at Paula, Face Smasher turned and began walking away to continue her search.

[Setinel]

Jack's mor nine was already off to a rough start, but the mention of those golden wheat cakes of sugary goodness helped Jack into a somewhat better mood. It didn't however change his view on those around him. And as the man burst through the wall, Jack turned to the rest of the origonal infinites, with a flustered look.
"You see this? This is why we're the laughing stalk of the nation. The least we could do is get our own reality TV show so we can afford a decent HQ."
Jacks semi-rant was interrupted, as the tv monitor came to life. Jack's face turned sour, as a familiar figure appeared.
Jackass
"I'm going for a walk."
Jack turned and quickly walked out the hole in the side of the building."
He only made it around the corner of the house when he stopped and listened into the conversation. When it ended, he walked back in the house. And by some miracle, no one noticed he'd only been around the house corner.
"Oh boy. A chance to publicly embarrass ourselves on TV. You know what? Screw you guys, I'm staying home." Jack muttered sitting on the couch and crawling back into his makeshift bed. He gave a friendly hand gesture involving his middle finger, and pulled out his phone.

[Talchyon]

The group was shaping up. This was gonna be an awesome assembly of heroes, by the looks of them. Mr. Surly-pants, as Glitch thought of him, was like the only downer. And maybe the annoyed babe who came in. Every girl was a babe of some kind. Some girls exceptional babes, but they were all babes in their own way. Even the cow-babe. Glitch's half-smile and dazed look paused on all of his new a-sew-see-ettes. He wasn't going to call them sidekicks just yet, even if that's what they would eventually become. Sidekicks were people too - or half-cow people, however that worked out.

Glitch stood up, dusting some glass shards from his shirt from the window, straightening his blue t-shirt with the lightning bolt on it, and pulling on the cuff of the size-too-small rumpled white long sleeve shirt under it. "Salutations, fellow recruits. I'm Glitch. And it's a pleasure to be working with all of you. Oh, and they're going to make a movie about me one day, and you guys will probably be in it, too." Just because they had to know what they were gettin' into. Yuh wouldn't want to do something embarrassing only for them to make a flick about'cha. Yuh know?

Glitch took stock of the other recruits. There's the guy who came through the wall. Powerful guy, man. Good to have on your side. Plus, he called himself "Captain Andorra." Totally sweet! "Dude, are you like one of those Star Trek aliens? They had some called Andorrans, only they were all blue, and blonde, and angry all the time, with these quivering antennae. Oh. No wait. Those were Andorians, not Andorrans. Still, you might be cousins or somethin'."

Then there was the giant babe. At first, after he had made his dramatic entry by crashing through the window, he had only seen her eye peering in. Which was pretty gnarly in itself. To have just a big eye goin' around and fightin' crime? Dude! But then she moved, and spit on the other guy, and Glitch could see her. Paula was her name. Glitch made sure he remembered that one. "You're really a babe, lady. Like, babe-a-licious. You and I should go out sometime. Plus, you don't let people be mean to you. I like that." Man, that would be one epic make-out session if she agreed. That would certainly make the movie, too, a romantic interest and all.

There was the guy she just spit on. Can't say he didn't deserve it, though. Yuh have to be chill with people at first, guy. They have feelings too. Still, wanted to be on good terms with the guy. Yuh never know. His power could be shaping spit into death grenades or something. Glitch nodded at him. " 'Sup, dude."

Donut-guy was an instant hit. No costume, but maybe he just hadn't gotten it on yet. Even though Annoyed Girl had mind-zapped them over to her, Donut-guy was still the bomb. Glitch went over to the donut box. After taking a long Bavarian-creme and jelly-filled bearclaw with additional chocolate donut holes covered in sprinkles, Glitch quickly popped them in his mouth and said, "Thawws, mawwwn." Chewin', and chewin' some more, and then swallowin', Glitch said to Donut-guy, "Dude. You rock."

Mr. Surly Pants didn't seem to like them. He had been crashin' on the couch when Glitch had first made his heroic entry and all? But still. As he was headin' out, Glitch called out after him, "Hey man! Good to meet you. Kind of."

The cow-babe was interesting. She was like all adrenaline, and action. Glitch wouldn't call her beautiful, but a babe was still a babe. "Hey, lady. Nice digs." With a name like Face-Smasher, Glitch wondered what her powers would be. Maybe she could do somethin' mental or somethin'. Like read minds or translate every language known to man. He had picked up a comic book once written in native Cherokee and wanted to know what it was about...

Then last but not least, Glitch glanced at Annoyed Girl, as he thought of her. Even though she called herself "Sharah." She's the one that had taken the donuts and had said,

“Quite the group we’ve got here eh? Yup, welcome to the hero club’s newest recruits. We got Ginormica, Miss Moolala, a nerd, an idiot who’s allergic to doors and captain sad face. Actually captain sad face looks too sad to be new. Oh and I’m pretty sure someone broke something inside as well.”

Glitch wondered who was the idiot who was allergic to doors. Poor guy. You won't get far in life being allergic to doors. Then he had a thought. Maybe that was a confession of sorts. Maybe Annoyed Girl had this tragic allergy, and saw herself as someone really stupid. Glitch thought that had to be the case, so he tried to comfort her. "Hey, s'allright. We're just glad you're not breakin' out in hives or somethin' from your tragic door allergy? I'm sure you'll fit in just fine. We won't look down on you for your low intelligence level. Honest. So what if you didn't do good in school?" That was pure therapeutic gold, there. She'd feel fine and accepted with his words of wisdom. Glitch wondered if maybe he should take up a side job of psychotherapy for the depressed.


And that was - so far - the group. Glitch thought he could see others heading their way out the window, but didn't want to spoil their thunder.


Then, the video on the screen was pretty rad too. They were gonna get to see action! While Glitch knew that he had all the power in the world to stop whatever super-bad-guy was coming, all by himself without anyone helping, he also wanted the others to feel confident about their contributions, too. They were, after all, the greatest team of superheroes this small Minnesota town would ever know.

But like Paula the giant-babe he was crushing on, Glitch wanted to know who this badguy was, so they could take him down. Or her. He wasn't sexist, man. Women had all the opportunity to be a bad babe if that's their dream in life. "Yeah, so Captain Co-sine or Teadrinkerman or whoever you guys are? So, who is this villain person and what are their powers?"

[Sphinxatopd]

Captain Andorra
He began to get a sick feeling in his stomach. He looked over at the wall and suddenly realized that this team obviously wasn't quite as rich as he had though. The ad he had watched had had many superheroes busting through walls. Obviously this was another time that his delusions of valour had taken over. The doctors warned him this might happen every so often. Something to do with some of synapses being destroyed.

"Hehe. Um sorry. Umm.... But this has an easy fix." Captain Andorra moved over towards a chair and grabbed a carpet that was sitting on it. He then grabbed two thumbtacks and pinned the carpet over the hole. "There. Fixed. And I have a paycheck I can give you. It's right here... Or here." Captain Andorra grabbed at his pockets until he grabbed a pamphlet about Andorra and found his paycheck inside. He handed Captain Calulator the paycheck and the pamphlet.

"I'm not familiar with this Star trek but I can assure you. I am powerful. I am Captain Andorra!"

"Now, who are we going after?"

[Barbariany]

Face Smasher hadn't paid much attention to any of the chaos happening around her. She was too focused on the giant. She stood, staring in awe for several moments, until Paula introduced herself. The minotaur quickly responded.

"Hello! I'm Face Smasher! You're really big! That's cool! But I have to go. I need to find the Mini-soda Intimates and become a superhero! Bye!"

After waving at Paula, Face Smasher turned and began walking away to continue her search.

Paula briefly turned away from the broken window and towards the... cowgirl? ... again, to enlighten her that she already had reached her destination. "Um, Miss? They're right here!" She pointed at the building next to her. "I'm here to join them as well." Her voice were slightly higher than a whisper, to make sure that Face Smasher would hear her.

Then there was the giant babe. At first, after he had made his dramatic entry by crashing through the window, he had only seen her eye peering in. Which was pretty gnarly in itself. To have just a big eye goin' around and fightin' crime? Dude! But then she moved, and spit on the other guy, and Glitch could see her. Paula was her name. Glitch made sure he remembered that one. "You're really a babe, lady. Like, babe-a-licious. You and I should go out sometime. Plus, you don't let people be mean to you. I like that." Man, that would be one epic make-out session if she agreed. That would certainly make the movie, too, a romantic interest and all.

Then she heard some guy inside say something to her and she moved her head to see who it was. It was Glitch who complimented her, and his kind, albeit unpolished, words made her smile. "Thanks Glitch!"

He had asked her for a date, but she wasn't too sure how to react to that. It was so long since she had been on a real date that she hardly remembered how it worked. Plus, most of her dates had ended in disapointment. The guys who dared to ask her out were usually not interested in her as a person, they only cared about her size. Giant fetishists. She had decided to give up when the last one of them confessed that he got turned on by the thought of her literally eating him...

Maybe Glitch was different. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably... not. Who would want to be with a freak like her?

[The first Galactic Republic]

4 miles outside of Minneapolis

In a quiet gas station at the edges of the Minnesota city, a small European compact vehicle pulls into the parking lot. A man, seemingly normal looking and seemingly forgettable, walks over to the pumps. Numerous people honk at him as he ignores traffic safety and common sense. He casually walks over to one of the pumps, but his mood soon sours.

"What is this? Only gasoline? No chargers for environmentally friendly electric vehicles? American filth."

Frustrated the man began to walk to the gas station. He stepped inside and spoke to the clerk.

"Good day to you my fellow American citizen. Could I by chance use your bathroom?"

"Only paying customers can use the bathrooms."

"Ah I see. How could I be so rude as to forget the social customs of this civilization. You as an American fashion yourself as entrepreneur, and you must get your throbbing high fructose corn syrup fueled cock up and going with the knowledge that you have made a successful sale."

The man's horrible attempt at an American Midwestern accent fell apart, and he began slipping into a French accent. At first it was normal, but then it soon became the most obnoxious French accent ever produced this side of Ewan McGregor's acting career. The man glanced around and noticed a copy of Superpowered and superhorny behind the man.

"How much for the tasteful collection of pictures taken of women who are not wearing their clothes in exchange for money given to them in exchange for the pictures?"

"Five dollars."

"Ridiculous. In France pornoraphy is given by the government and is an inalienable human right behind only baguettes and complaining about horrible work hours... I mean did I say that out loud? I meant I'm from... Canada! Yes Canada! America's stillborn cousin."

The man gave the clerk five dollars and received the magazine.

"Now I shall use your restroom to change cloth-I mean uh... pleasure myself. Yes that is what I will do, give myself a wild night on the town in a gas station bathroom. The most American of customs."

The man sprinted into the bathroom and came out fifteen minutes later wearing a suit of powered armor that covered his entire body, save for the bottom of his face. It was emblazoned with an obnoxious French tri-color flag that ran down the entire length of the armor. The man glanced down to the magazine.

"Those women should really see a dermatologist.-"

He threw away the magazine.

"-and now I shall spread civilization to this filthy country. America shall bow down to superior French customs, and then... Norway! Ah hah hah hon!"

[The Land of the Golden Blobfish]

At first he was shocked, that one girl has taken the box right out of his hand. Or did she, it literally floated to her. Was that her superpower? He didn’t mind the rather abrupt abduction of his donuts, after all, Matthew had brought them for the group and it seemed like she enjoyed them, not to mention she looked like she could care less if he rejected or not. “Hey, I’m Matthew Smith but you can call me Matt. Or Smith, or if you’re feeling up for it, Supreme Overlord 9000.” He quickly took out his application to read over what the interviewer had put down for his codename. ~Blank~. Thank god. If they had taken him serious, just imagine it. ’Never fear citizens, Stump is here! The thought almost made him burst out in laughter. He turned to Glitch as the man came and grabbed one for himself. “No problem, bro. Superfood fit for superheros, amiright?” Whether it was his baller instinct or just plain luck, Matthew stumbled back just enough to avoid the shower that rained down on the coral dude. “Wow, you sure got quite a… big sense of humor. Look, uh, I don’t know what the dude said to you but I’m guessing it was probably, eh, possibly racist. How did this happen anyway? Did like your Irish mom get a little too frisky with the Jolly Green Giant?” Matthew turned to the ground in deep thought, “Truly, theirs was a love that could never be. I’d see that movie… Sorry, what was I talking about?”

[Auropa]

snip

Sarah was speechless. She considered correcting him, hurting him or just throwing him around a bit. Something, anything, to show everyone not to mess with her but instead she laughed. She couldn’t help it, it started small and while she tried to stifle it she failed straight away. In the end she reluctantly gave in and just let it happen before leaning back into her chair with a sigh and half a smile. ‘I’m actually going to kill him’ she thought to herself, certain that there was no way she could defeat him in a battle of wits. She laid the ever popular doughnut box down (after gabbing one more for good measure) but before she could even she could decide on a weapon she got distracted by Paula’s answer to Glitch and couldn’t help but look at the giant for a few moments, she looked concerned over something. Was she worried, offended maybe hurt or…or. ‘Oh for crying out loud she wasn’t blushing was she?!’

Still, reason aside she didn’t like people looking that uncomfortable and once the bringer of doughnuts introduced himself she decided to step in herself “Matt, your doughnuts gets you three chances, the puns cost two, make one more and I’m literally going to murder you.” he seemed nice enough, truth be told out she took an immediate liking to the guy, terrible jokes aside he seemed to be bit more human than the rest. Still, doughnuts or no someone was going to have to get him back for those puns sometime, preferably with a brick.

“Hey. Doughnut?” she asked while she levitated the now partially empty box towards Paula “They’re good, SO9000’s got taste” she was a little worried that they were crowding the giant but as she held out the box she couldn’t stop her mind drifting. She REALLY didn’t want to fight anything today, let alone a supervillain. Getting here was difficult enough and one sentence of Glitch’s logic was enough to drive her to the brink of madness, she wasn’t exactly beaming for the chance to deal with him on any adventures whatsoever.

“Tell you what” she said calling out a bit louder so that the original members might hear her “You guys go take on the villain and I’ll help our angry friend guard the base. I mean the guy said we’ve only got one villain to deal with and it’d make sense to keep someone at base to use the coms in case we need back up right? So, if that’s captain cranky then I’ll watch his back and I dunno, strategize or something?”

[Barbariany]

Paula did blush, but unlike what Sarah thought, it wasn't because of Glitch. It was in anger at Matt's poor attempt at a joke. It made her speechless, and she just wanted to swat him like a mosquito, but at the same time she had to restrain herself. She didn't want to kill or injure him, but that would for sure be the result if she hit him. Luckily Sarah stepped in between them, just in time.

"And I'll gladly help her", Paula added in a surly tone. Matt and the rest would hopefully get the message now. You didn't joke about her size.

She was however cheered up by the donuts then offered by Sarah. Paula thanked her, took the soaring box, and swallowed it whole. It was more out of politeness, really. It had been less than a bite for her. A good bite, yes, but still just a little bite.

Hmm. She just realized that her food bill alone likely would crash their set budget...