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Legends of Eroris: Arrival |IC|

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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:33 pm

Earwulf stared at her, it was clear that even her slight show of disrespect had annoyed him but he let it slide. "What exactly do you mean?" he asked. "Sleep, eat, drink, farm." he shrugged "Like most places it The Reach really."

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Everhall
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Postby Everhall » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:44 pm

Anora inspected the room,

"I heard cities of the Reach were supposed to be jewels among a field of dung. It seems just a fantasy written by scholars. No better than the rest of them."

Anora stopped looking at one of the many paintings that adored the hall,

"Your father isn't it?"

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Pillowlandia
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Postby Pillowlandia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:46 pm

Eahfrid Egric Ealdhere
Atlas, The Reach
Ashen Empire




Breath Slowly he managed to bring his breath back under control. It's not like he could have run far yet, even with that horse of his. With the raging storm overhead it was certainly a thematically appropriate time for his parents to have been murdered. Even if he wished to pursue his parents killer, he had duties to preform before he could think of even leaving. As he approched the city, from the short ride from the family manor, he saw that the gate was still being manned even in the storm, thank god.

He rode up, as fast as he dared to go without tiring his mount and given the conditions of the road. He cleared his throat. "I am Eahfrid of the Minor House Ealdhere. I require immediate counsel with the Count! It is a dire situation!" He would hopefully be let in quickly, after all he was wearing his cloak, not bothering to magically disguise the expensive fabric for the moment. He was glad the count hadn't seen his face during the apple pie debacle earlier in the evening. He would tell the count of his parents death and leave to seek vengeance, nothing more nothing less.
Stasnov wrote:Small-to-medium sized professional, relatively high-tech and well funded military. Emphasis on flexible units at Brigade-Battalion level.
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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:50 pm

"Atlas is unlike most cities of the Reach. We're made of different stock than most Reachmen." he bragged, sipping on his wine. "This place isn't built to look pretty." He stood and followed her to the painting nodding at her discovery "Osfryd Atlas." he agreed sounding a little cold. "I never really knew him. He fought well for the empire during the rebellion."

The guards wearily met another noble at the gates. Something was getting weird. They ushered him through the gates and gave him a less glamorous escort of only the sergeant this time who'd just returned. The streets were almost deserted now.

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Cuprum
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Postby Cuprum » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:55 pm

Image
Hōjō clan


When Sōun awoke, his jaw ached. Sunlight was streaming through an open window in his bedchamber, warming a spot on the stone floor for the kitten to sprawl out upon. She snored quietly, and the tattered remains of the curtains she destroyed the previous night stirred in a pleasant breeze.

I've fallen asleep in my clothing again, Sōun noted as he sat up tiredly in the bed and discovered the broken quill that had been jabbing his back while he slept. There were papers scattered across the furs, many crumpled, some torn, and Sōun was beginning to collect them when he spotted the dark black liquid spreading across the blankets, and was suddenly aware of the cold dampness on his tunic from where he had lain in the spilled ink.

''Hells, not again.''

He scrambled to his knees quickly, stripped his shirt off, and began dabbing frantically at the stain with the already ruined garment. His efforts were fruitless. The sheets drank the ink greedily and the once fine satin was now marred with dark blotches of obsidian. You’ve gone and ruined something yet again.

The kitten stretched and flexed her claws, nuzzling her fuzzy black head against the warm stone. Her tail swished and flicked, and caught Sōun's eye as it was reflected in the tall mirror that stood against the wall some distance from the foot of his bed. He had been avoiding the silvered looking glass for weeks, but raised his gaze to it apprehensively now.

He was almost surprised to see his own reflection staring back. Weary looking, a bit slouched, and in need of a haircut, perhaps, but it was him all the same. The mirror was far away, and the oversized bed he knelt on made him appear small. Sōun raised a hand to his cheek, where a beard was stubbornly trying to grow despite the blade he put to his face nearly every day.

I'm fifty and two hundred now, he remembered. When did I get so old? He couldn't recall a time when his reflection didn't look so miserable. Smile, Sōun, his aunt had told him, You used to smile all the time. He thought of the drought she had brought him, and how Jingu-hime promised it held relief from the anxieties she swore she could see plainly on his tired face.

I don’t need more teas. Sōun sat back on his knees with a sigh and pushed his hair from his face. His neck hurt, his legs were stiff and sore, and he could tell from the pain in his left arm that he had slept on it wrong again, but the ache in his jaw hurt worse than anything. I have to stop grinding my teeth, he knew, but even as he thought it he could feel the tightness creeping in.

A King in the Reach, a civil war brewing in the decadent Empire, the Vale biding their time... Sōun felt his stomach clench into knots and forced himself to stop. Breathe. But then he remembered his conversation with Makoto and the panic gripped his heart with icy fingers and the air left the room all at once.

Abandoning the ruined shirt, he stumbled from the bed and made it to the privy in time only to realize that he hadn't eaten enough to vomit. His body made the attempt anyways, and Sōun knelt on the floor shuddering and shaking until the wave of sickness finally subsided, coaxing himself all the while. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

When he staggered back to the bedchamber, the kitten rolled onto her back and watched him curiously, blinking her eyes slowly in the sunlight that washed over her white belly. Her claw marks scarred the drapes, and Sōun pulled the ragged things closed to her displeasure.

"You are a wretched creature," he told her, "and you don't deserve happiness any more than I do."

The fire had been allowed to burn low and the water in his bath was disappointingly tepid, but Sōun knew it wouldn't be the worst part of his day. He entertained the idea of slipping beneath the surface and remaining there forever.

Drowning is better than dragonfire.

Masamune was outside his apartments when Sōun finally emerged, which didn't bode well for his day improving. Kenji was beside him and Keima between them both, and the latter spoke before the door was even fully opened.

"A man from the Front lines is here to meet with you, Your Grace," he said in his usual unenthusiastic tones, and motioned down the corridor as an invitation. He held papers in his hand, and passed them to the Lord as he fell into step beside him. "Betharios Dimittus, he is called."
Last edited by Cuprum on Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Everhall
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Postby Everhall » Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:09 pm

"Intriguing... the decision to betray your own kingdom. My great-grandfather, founder of the Varian Dynasty was like that. Betrayed the Wise Council to become Emperor."

Anora paused again, "So, where will my accommodations be? I am wary of the journey from Lenora to Atlas."

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Pillowlandia
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Postby Pillowlandia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:10 pm

Eahfrid Egric Ealdhere
Atlas, The Reach
Ashen Empire




Following the -somehow more- drenching journey from the gate to the Great Hall, Eahfrid walked in, pulling down the hood of his cloak to expose his thoroughly drenched hair. "greetings my Lord." He paused, choking up a little. His eyes began to shine a little in the light "I bring grave news from my House." He stopped yet again, this time tears began to flow out before he could stop them. "My lord.... my parents lay dead. The family guard, crumpled and brushed aside. The front gate tossed like a children toy. I myself live due to my own fathers final action." He choose to mostly ignore the clearly high up noble, at least until he could recompose himself.
Stasnov wrote:Small-to-medium sized professional, relatively high-tech and well funded military. Emphasis on flexible units at Brigade-Battalion level.
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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:14 pm

"I'm sure I'll be able to find you something, there are various guest bedrooms within the keep, though I am afraid it'll be a little less glamorous than I'm sure you're used to. And my father didn't betray anyone." he informed her coldly. "He honoured his oaths to the emperor. And Atlas will never bow to some high-king from Lenora." Earwulf was growing slightly annoyed with her but she was a princess of the empire and a valuable person to have around so there was no way he'd act on those frustrations, he turned to see a more minor noble whining about his parents. After the speech he shrugged. "So? Why should I care?" he asked, not angrily but in a cold, uncaring fashion.
Last edited by Woodstovia on Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Everhall
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Postby Everhall » Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:18 pm

Anora looked at the man on the ground, concerned.

"Get up. What's your name?"

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Pillowlandia
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Postby Pillowlandia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:28 pm

Eahfrid Egric Ealdhere
Atlas, The Reach
Ashen Empire



"Eahfrid, hei- well I suppose now I am the entirety of the Ealdhere House." He then turned towards the Count, "I advise you not to keep bloody things in the hall for too long, might stain the wood for your successor." He said, as he pointed at a several small dots of blood on the floor near the Count. "And My lord, you should care because I intend to hunt whom ever did it. And when I finish I intend to make my house much more than one of a minor nobility." He was pushing the boundary... a lot at this point. Yet, he didn't care. He was entirely numb from the entire ordeal, the cold from the rain not even being felt at this point.
Stasnov wrote:Small-to-medium sized professional, relatively high-tech and well funded military. Emphasis on flexible units at Brigade-Battalion level.
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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 2:37 pm

Earwulf glared at the man sullenly with a twisted smirk "I'm sure you will. But again I'm not quite sure why you're telling me this or what you intend for me to do about it."

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Everhall
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Postby Everhall » Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:00 pm

Anora glared at the count.

What the hell is it that you do in city?...

Turning to Eahfrid, she extended her hand,

"Anora Varian, niec- cousin to the Emperor. What exactly happened at your parents?"

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Pillowlandia
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Postby Pillowlandia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:14 pm

Eahfrid Egric Ealdhere
Atlas, The Reach
Ashen Empire



"Apologies for assuming that you wanted to not be an ignorant fool who is in charge of several thousand people's well being." With that he turned back towards Anora, running a hand through his soaked hair. "That is the million mark question. I know that three swordsman killed my mother, and nearly got me. My father killed them, after they wounded him. Yet there was another man, in the window. He shot my father in the heart and took off. I can only assume he had but one bolt."
Stasnov wrote:Small-to-medium sized professional, relatively high-tech and well funded military. Emphasis on flexible units at Brigade-Battalion level.
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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:39 pm

The sudden thud of shields hitting the floor echoed through the hall. The guards posted at the sides and entrance of the room had lowered their shields and bore their spears. Even the sergeant had drawn his weapon - a cruel looking slightly curved long sword. Earwulf sighed and sat back upon his high-chair. "I'll forgive you for that insult, you must be grieving for your loss and I understand your emotions may be rather high. But I'd like you to leave my castle sir, you have no place here."
Last edited by Woodstovia on Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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The United Equstrian Front
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Postby The United Equstrian Front » Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:49 pm

Avaki Ebizo

He came upon a caravan, none of them were of Akouteen, at least that was something he could be comfortable with, he knew that his 'army' was looking for him and at the moment he was so far unheard of around Eroris. He walked by them not expecting anything to happen, a guard placed his hand on the pummel of his sword watching Avaki making sure he didn't do anything stupid. Soon the caravan was out of sight of Avaki, he sighed and mumbled,
"Good guard but bad weapon, he wouldn't survive five minutes in a fight, also most of their weapons would need repair. I might've been able to help actually, then again I'm being hunted by my own friends and allies. Damn Daimyo Kagi and Akouteen." He shook his head and continued on the road seeing a random riderless horse, he smirked he wouldn't need to walk much longer.
Last edited by The United Equstrian Front on Wed Jun 22, 2016 3:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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The Tophat Empire
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Postby The Tophat Empire » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:25 pm

1st Last Light (11) 199 5E
Sergeant Jonas Stelhammer
County of Summerset, The Reach
Imperial - Reach Border



It was early morning, Jonas guessed it would be between 2 and 3, and the darkness lay heavy upon the 30 armoured and armed men sitting in the forest. They where the entire 2nd Platoon, 1st Battalion, 1st Regiment, Counts Own. Now they were sitting inside the forest in the very border into imperial territory. For while the 2 nations where technically at peace, the empire did at time send raiding parties into reach, and reports said they done just that, and that they now were waiting to strike form this forest. But now the Count's men would show them that they were ever vigilant, just as they had showed the imperials before.

There seemed to be ca 20 imperial soldiers huddled around 2 smaller fires, bed rolls lay stranded in the small clearing that they inhabited, for the moment at least. Jonas knew that the imps knew where they were, there were signs and palisades from both sides detailing the border, and so they were all fair game. He and his unit just waited for the word from the commander of the platoon. the 2 foot squads, armed with halberds, shields and swords, and then the archer squad, armed with longbows. All lying ready for action.

Then finally the command rang out into the forest from the commanders lungs "Platoon, in the name of the Count, leave none alive. Charge!" he shouted, the order amplified as all the soldiers repeated it, before storming out of the forest into the clearing. A single volley from the archers welcoming the imperial soldiers to Summerset. The 20 charging infantrymen hammering home the point, with their long polearms.

The battle was over in less than 3 minutes, and in front of Jonas now only corpses laid. The commander once more shouted orders "Any wounded?"

The relieving reply rang out from all squads "No sir!"

The commander kept on ordering his men "Good, salvage what you can and move to one cart, take the corpses to the other one. we leave in 5"

And so they did, 5 minutes later the fires were put out, and the soldiers marched back to the fort they called home. 2 Carts transporting gear to be sorted and either destroyed or salvaged, as well as the dead imps, they would be burned in the large furnaces of the fort. The only evidence that anyone had ever been inside the forest was the stains and pools of blood dotted along the ground.
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Treko
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Postby Treko » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:30 pm

Vrold Hellmuth
Atlas, The Reach
Ashen Empire


"Who in the hell wants to live in a place like the fuckin' Vale?" Vrold asked himself as he cleared the crest of the hill and looked back down the road to the Vale. "That place was a goddamn pain in the ass." thought Vrold as he remembered how he had to climb the mountains just to reach the valleys. The process continued for weeks and Vrold was even surprised that he made it out in his estimated time period. At least it would take a month to get out of that godforsaken kingdom, but now it was easy sailing. However, Vrold had to hand it to those pointy eared knew how to make good mead, but not as good as Norravägg though. While he continued down the road to Atlas he remembered the elf warrior who had challenged him. The bastard had caught Vrold on the peak of the mountain. Evidently these elves put lodges up there to rest for the night before the descent down. This would have been nice if Vrold was able to sleep first, but evidently the elf didn't want a fair fight. Shame for him. I killed him.

With a slow hand Vrold threw his travel pack on the ground along with his tower shield before readying his danish axe. The elf analyzed him like a hunter would analyze a potential. "He was good, but not as good as me sadly." thought Vrold as he remembered the combat between him and the elf. An overhead strike came from the elf and his sword, but Vrold blocked the attack with his axe before countering with a kick to the stomach. Vrold quickly followed through with a swing for the elf's body which was parried before he could get another attack in. As the two circled each other they got closer and closer before the clashed again, but this time it ended. A punch from Vrold landed in the fighter's face followed by a knee to the gut sent the elf back a couple of steps. However, Vrold wasn't done with the elf yet. With a lunge, Vrold, had grabbed the elf by the neck and pushed him towards the peak of the mountain. Sadly the elf stopped himself before taking a tumble. Thankfully Vrold was nearby to give assistance to the elf. A strong hit from the danish axe cleaved through the elf's head which left a standing corpse which Vrold kicked down into the mist of the mountain.

"Such a good fight," thought Vrold as he gave a smile while he looked at the gate to Atlas which stood in front of him. He looked up towards the guards and waved to get their attention, "I request entrance to this city and council with the lord who rules it! Plus, this storms right on my ass."

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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:39 pm

"Is there a fuckin' party going on or something?" one of the guardsman spat. "You're the third noble to come askin' for the lord. I've been here for 3 years and seen about 1 in all that time. Now suddenly they're all poppin' up."

"Maybe it's the storm?" Asked the other guard. "We haven't seen many storms. Maybe lords pass through all the time and just avoid us?" The first guardsman chewed that over.

"Maybe. Well what do you want with the lord?"

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Shadowwell
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Postby Shadowwell » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:50 pm

Amariki
Death Pass, way to the Reach

While the Death pass was relatively barren like many Mountain passes, it had even less life than one would think and was fitting of its name. If one looked carefully they would catch site of a cloaked figure, slowly walking through the Pass. He was Amariki, a strange being who reveled in fire more than most of the people from the land he just left. He was currently heading towards the Fortress guarding the Pass, well, in its direction. He was meaning to bypass the Fortress on his way to Atlas. He held no enmity for the Reachmen unlike the feelings he held towards his people. However should the men at the fortress try to bar his way, they would burn like the rest.
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Treko
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Postby Treko » Wed Jun 22, 2016 4:52 pm

Woodstovia wrote:-snip-


"If there's a party going on in here I want in. I'm hankering for some fuckin' ale right now." Laughed Vrold as he turned around and saw the storm nearing ever closer to Atlas before looking back towards the guards. "Well, I'm looking to apply my trade with anyone who wants it. My trade is combat and I'm pretty fucking good at it."

Vrold wasn't bullshitting the guard, well, not this time at least. 14 years since the age of 20 and no one has bested him in combat yet and hopefully it would stay that way.

"Yep, that's about it. Kill, maim, and money. If your lord likes that then I guess I'm good, and if he doesn't? I guess I'll leave." Vrold shouted up to the guardsman.

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Woodstovia
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Postby Woodstovia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 5:04 pm

"I think you'll fit right in." The first guard sighed, clearly upset. The other guard glanced at him eager to know more. The first man recognised the glance and shifted uncomfortably.

"What happened?"

"The lord's men came for my cousin's wife last week." he said, sounding a little choked up. The second guard let him speak. "They burst down the door during the night and just dragged her away. They were wearing the lord's banner and everything. They gave him some coin, said it was payment. But my cousin... Well he wouldn't take that. He took this staff he had and sharpened it into a spear, it was all he had. So he went up to the castle and started screaming that he wanted to fight the lord the next night."

"And?" the other man asked softly, for a large soldier looking type he seemed remarkably sympathetic. Many of the men could relate, they all knew someone who was taken.

"I saw him hanging from the walls the next day. He was naked, had no eyes and his cock was cut off." the man spat, he turned and ushered a muffled moan. "Sorry I just wanted to tell someone."

"I saw that." the second man whispered. He'd been so engrossed by the conversation he'd forgotten anyone was at the gate and jumped when he turned around. "Sorry." he stammered quickly, his face red. The gate slowly opened.
Last edited by Woodstovia on Wed Jun 22, 2016 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Relikai
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Postby Relikai » Wed Jun 22, 2016 5:05 pm

Shimazaki Haruna

Haruna nodded to Franz, another curtsy as she held on to the gift. These are good men, Haruna thought as she noted the directions, acknowledging the honour of presenting the sword to Wiking herself. Moving up the stairs herself, the warrior soon reached the study where she knocked on the door, announcing her arrival. The building has impressed her so far, but most noble dwellings would. Haruna grew up as an orphan, living in relative squalor even during her training days to temper the inner fire within her, but she knew her manners.

"Milord, Shimazaki Haruna is here, as you commanded." Haruna said as she opened the door, stepping inside before closing it gently.

"A gift." She said, laying the wrapped sword on his table. "For accepting me into service, and providing me such facilities. It's diamond steel, watch out for the edges."
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Pillowlandia
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Postby Pillowlandia » Wed Jun 22, 2016 5:11 pm

Eahfrid Egric Ealdhere
Atlas, The Reach
Ashen Empire




"Very well Count Atlas. May the harvests and money be good whilst I am on my journeys." He turned and gave a shallow though respectful bow to Anora -which he did not do for the Count- "Pleasant journeys to the capital, it is a shame the Emperor has passed." With that he walked to the threshold, a hand hovering close to the hilt of his own hidden short sword. Yet, as be was preparing to cross the doorway he paused. "Count, I do hope the blood on the floor has nothing do do with my family. I would hope it doesn't yet this storm certainly makes one feel as if anything is possible. la luz se descolora" With that the light of the fires and candles in the hall were extinguished. Stepping over the threshold he reached back, pulling the cowl of his cloak up as he began walking down the hill towards the gate of the city.
Stasnov wrote:Small-to-medium sized professional, relatively high-tech and well funded military. Emphasis on flexible units at Brigade-Battalion level.
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Treko
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Postby Treko » Wed Jun 22, 2016 5:33 pm

Woodstovia wrote:"I think you'll fit right in." The first guard sighed, clearly upset. The other guard glanced at him eager to know more. The first man recognised the glance and shifted uncomfortably.

"What happened?"

"The lord's men came for my cousin's wife last week." he said, sounding a little choked up. The second guard let him speak. "They burst down the door during the night and just dragged her away. They were wearing the lord's banner and everything. They gave him some coin, said it was payment. But my cousin... Well he wouldn't take that. He took this staff he had and sharpened it into a spear, it was all he had. So he went up to the castle and started screaming that he wanted to fight the lord the next night."

"And?" the other man asked softly, for a large soldier looking type he seemed remarkably sympathetic. Many of the men could relate, they all knew someone who was taken.

"I saw him hanging from the walls the next day. He was naked, had no eyes and his cock was cut off." the man spat, he turned and ushered a muffled moan. "Sorry I just wanted to tell someone."

"I saw that." the second man whispered. He'd been so engrossed by the conversation he'd forgotten anyone was at the gate and jumped when he turned around. "Sorry." he stammered quickly, his face red. The gate slowly opened.


"Thank you, lads! May Lunara bring death to you enemies!" Shouted Vrold as he dipped underneath the rising gate before making his way down the main city road to the castle of Atlas. He quickly upped his pace to continue to outrun the coming storm even though he felt like he couldn't. As Vrold climbed the road to the castle he adjust his axe on his shoulder and caught a glimpse of nearby guard on patrol. The thought of what that guardsman said about his cousin still lingered in his mind even if he couldn't catch all of that.

"How dishonorable and disgusting. Getting your cock cut off and your eyes removed, but I can't judge. I've brutalized men before." Vrold mumbled to himself as he continued to climb the hill which quickly revealed the steps to the castle. "Well ain't that nice. You get a little pathway up to the castle you're besieging. Put a little flower bed here and a corpse there followed by a head in on pike there."

The eerie comments were certainly lighting up Vrold's mood, but if anyone else was around I don't think they would be amused. However, no one was around him so he would be fine...for now at least. With a quick burst of speed the stairs up to the castle were cleared and he entered the great hall and waited for the lord to see him.

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Dernland
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Postby Dernland » Wed Jun 22, 2016 5:42 pm

The Autmn Road, within sight of Lenora
2nd Last Light, 199 5E


I had awoken refreshed and full of vigor the next morning, eager to set out, yet reluctant to leave the hauntingly beautiful grove in which I had slept. There were signs of the passing of beasts in the night, mostly wolves from their tracks in the wet ground. Not surprising, as wolves tended to remain at holy places of the old way, and they were likely watching me.

Now I stood on a small hill in the stone highway, looking out over the Capitol City of Lenora. Banners flew high upon towers and pinnacles on the great stone outer wall, and more from turrets in the Castle proper. People bustled to and fro in the city streets, comparable to a colony of ants at my distance. Roads and highways snaked out from the citadel, with the city thinning into sparse hovels and farms until nothing but open fields of soft grass remained. The Autumn Road, which lead from the city to a handful of populous farming towns, was suspiciously empty. In fact, I couldn't remember seeing another living soul on the road. But it was after the end of harvest season, so maybe that was just to be expected.

The outer farmsteads had few workers in their fields, as the years work was mostly done, but those who wandered the fields gave me a passing glance with the occasional wave as I passed. Things were friendly in the Reach, and farmers knew a fellow farmer when they saw one.

I walked the final kilometer to the gate, giving a small, friendly wave to the guards as I approached. The closest, an older man wearing a kettle helmet and a ratty green tabard, raised his hand for me to halt. "It's not often we get travelers from the Autumn road this late in the year. Now tell me lad, what township may you be coming from, and what business may you be having in the City." The man's voice was somewhat friendly, more the type you'd expect from a bartender, not a soldier.

"Well sir, I come from the Glanyrafon Settlement about a day's walk back up the road. I'm to visit the Imperial Magical College here." I responded timidly, I wasn't expecting to be stopped on my way in, I never had been before.

"I'm terribly sorry lad, but we don't allow Elf folk such as yourself into the city save by Imperial edict only" The Guard said solemnly.

I gasped slightly, reaching up to my ears to check that they were still hidden within my locks of silver hair. "But...But... How'd" I managed to stammer before being cut off by raucous laughter from both the guards.

"No need to get all jumpy lad, just pullin' your leg, or your ear as it were. I know your father well, and your grandfather too. They told me ahead of time that you were coming, and if there's anything you need just say so. " The old man flashed a toothy grin, though there were some noticeably large gaps in his smile. He motioned for the other guard to open the small person sized door in the side of the gate. "Mind your head there, lad. The door's built for smaller folk such as myself." He called as I walked through. I passed it off as another jest, but was corrected by a sharp crack in the forehead moments later.
I am a Mormon

I have no wives
I love jello


I don't hate homosexuals
Potatoes are a staple of my diet, but only because my family's Irish


I'm not rich.


TG me any more stereotypes and I'll see if they fit.

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