In Memorial of the Fallen [RWBY RP|OOC 3|Open]

[Apror]

I notice that Coal Marks' application still hasn't been posted; do the difficulties that you have been having remain incircumnavigable, Apror?

I thought I did post it?

[Apror]

---

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name:Coal Marks
Age:17
Sex:Male
Race: [x ] Human [ ] Faunus
Animal Traits (Omit if human):
Biography:: Coal was born in Atlas. His life was relatively interesting, and much expected of him. His parents immigrated from Vale, who came from a long line of Knight like warriors. His Grandfather a renowned fighter in the Great War, know for saving his Platoon by leading them to victory using a variety of tricks, treacherous tactics, and sheer brilliance to kill, injure, route, or capture an entire Minstrel Battalion. A big part was making it seem there was more Soldiers defending than they realized. Ever since then, his family was famous. Though the people before his Grand Father did great multitudes of things, this was the most seen and heard.

Training from the age of 12, he was determined to life up to the expectations given to him. Training from dawn to dust. He was also rather open, and when it came to making friends, he had a fairly good time of doing it. Human, or Fanus. He'd go to the poor districts and play with the Fanus children, though it wasn't exactly approved of by a great many people close to his parents. They tried to convince the child to stop playing with the ‘trash’ and the ‘rodents’ but instead, his parents simply cut those people off.

In his youth, he had one particular relationship with his only sibling. His sister named Autumn. She was of a cold nature, which might think one to believe they had a off relationship, but it wasn't the case. His older sister of two years had always a close relationship, and a protective one of her little Brother. Not that he needed it, but people were weary of being aggressive to the younger out of fear of the older ones wrath. Two years earlier, she left for Vale's academy. They kept contact throughout the time there, but one day, she stopped responding to her brother's messages. Not just his, but the Family in general. The School contacted, they demanded here whereabouts. She had disappeared. Where, why, or even exactly when were unknown.

The Family, especially Coal was devastated. What had happened to their older child, the Autum so close to Coal? Her friends attempted to help, and found out she went out into the wilderness of Vale. No one knew why. Going after his Daughter, Coal's father tried tracking down his daughter, but it took him to the most dangerous areas of Remanent. The fights grew tougher, longer, deadlier. The beasts bigger and more numerous. Soon, he stopped reporting back, and when ships were sent to find him, they only brought back part of a corpse.

A father killed, and a sister missing. This drove Coal into training, trying to find a way to keep his mind off the losses. Unfortunately, it drove his mother to drinking, and she went on a down hill spiral.

He had gained through the years of training an acrobatic style, but also hard hitting. He was very limber, and made sure through his time in Atlas to remember never to grow lax on that aspect of his training. He spent years at other fighting schools, and his own personal traing.

After years of training, he went to Vale to become a Hunter. Why? Well, mostly to live up to his expectations. Or, that's what most people thought. He felt his sister wasn't dead. He knew it in his gut she was still alive. He was going to rise above his family's past actions and accomplishments and find his sister.

Personality: He is very outgoing, kind, and cracks many jokes. He though had a dark side, willing to kill if it suits the greater good, or if he is genuinely enraged, which is hard to do. Also unduly obsessive when it comes to certain things like his wanting to find his Sister. He finds it hard to be honest with himself at times, and seeing what his emotions were, when it was so easy to see others. He could be loudest and most obnoxious in a room, but at other times be silent with readings of death vibrating off him. He is organized in sometimes, but absolutely cluttered in others. A booming voice when needed to be, and fairly deep. His voice sounded more his age when with friends, but when going about daily life, it was deep, giving many people the impression he was older than he actually was.
Appearance:His appearance is Black skin, with light blue eyes. He is slim, but muscular. He facial features are a maturing, handsome look. However still retains some of his youthfulness. His hair resembles John’s a little, however his hair is dark brown. Normally just wears a pair of dark jeans and a black t-shirt. He said he did not like cloths that he regarded as too attention seeking. He needed to shave twice a week, or would begin to noticeably start growing hair. He has no idea what a beard or mustache would look like on him considering he sister and mother we're hell bent on him to keep shaving, and continued so out of habit.

COMBAT INFORMATION
Weapon: His weapons are a Crusader resembling shield and sword, however the sword doubles as a Shotgun. The Sword's name is Red Redeemer. The Red representing the blood shed by his Ancestors, adversary and their own. Forged using Ancient techniques only known to his family, the Metal is very strong, and the source would have to be extremely powerful to even dent the blade. It is powerful in itself, but the Shotgun continues to fire Red Dust, symbolized as a fire shotgun, burning at the armored foes, and utterly disintegrating the non-armored foe. It is decorated with a family decoration, showing his family story ending with him. However, to everyone outside the family, it is just a beautiful design. It's an ancient type of writing in reality.
Appearance:Looks like a Crusader knight, but the armor though very protective, is light allowing him to move at good pace, however speed isn't his strength. Also the there is no helmet. Red outlines on his armor, with armor covering light metal, but very strong. Its metal also a secret to the Marks family. His family seal, a crimson cross, decorated the armor. On the hilt of the sword, it says in scribbling 'Deus Vult.' God wills it.
Capabilities:He is a brawler like fighter striking hard and taking damage with the ability to switch shotgun with sword at a moments notice. He can run quickly on walls, and uses his shield to bash. He's very analyzing, making the ability to analyze things at a moment’s notice and come up with ways to react. No stranger to fighting Grim, he tends to get sadistic when playing with Grim. Studying the human body, he also knows where best to hit his opponent, but unfortunately, most those techniques he had devised, most after his father's death, were excruciatingly painful, many lethal, and would only ethically be used in rare situations. He may not care about the ethics part however.

Semblance: His Semblance is: Not available at this Moment.

OOC INFORMATION
RP Activity:I RPd in Aftermath and 1810 expansion.
RP Example (link or one shot):viewtopic.php?f=31&t=401550
Did you read the rules? I did read the rule. That seems kind of important.

#RWBY RP Application
Do not remove this tag. It helps us find apps.

[Former Citizens of the Nimbus System]

My app is right here

This is it.

Hurrah! Can we get confirmation of acceptance, Stormwrath?

[Ormata]

Could I ask for the application to not be within the quotes of another player? Please?

[Apror]

This is it.

Hurrah! Can we get confirmation of acceptance, Stormwrath?

Yes..........*begins to Deus Vult*

[Apror]

Could I ask for the application to not be within the quotes of another player? Please?

This was the only way! Let me see something infidel!

Edit: There you go!

[Ormata]

Thank you very much.

[Apror]

Thank you very much.

Saw that last post. Have more faith good sir! Is it Vult enough?

[Icrum]

Apror, you seem like a really swell dude, honestly, however as CoOP I must explain why I cannot accept your app as of yet.

1. The age. It's something that always bugs me. Minimum age is 17 years old. Not 16.

2. I know it sounds cool, but it is highly impossible for a platoon to take down a battalion. Your talking at most 30 guys vs at most 800 guys. I know you said "Tricks, Treachery, and Brains", but that sounds more like a hand-wave reason. Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel.

3. Unless he's a samurai, he wouldn't be taught from the age of six. Knights, at youngest, started at 12 as a page.

4. If he's fast and powerful, you can guarantee that he's pretty fragile. It's a triangle. Strength, speed, defense. You can only pick two.

5. His sister's sounded too much like the Fall Maiden, I almost brought that up.

6. Hard-to-make-mad-but-its-really-scary cliche

7. "...with readings of death vibrating off him." Sigh......... This just sounds really off. It just doesn't fit.

8. "...Black skin, with light blue eyes." What kind of black, and why blue eyes?

9. "...slim, but muscular." No. If you are slim, you aren't muscular. I think Fit is the word you are looking for.

10. "...John’s..." Who?

11. His weapon isn't a "Crusader". We call it Sword and Shield. Arming sword to be specific.

12. Indestructible-sword-of-ancient-smithing cliche.

13. Red dust isn't powerful enough to "utterly disintegrate" a foe. It's a lot like dragon breath.

14. "Looks like a Crusader knight..." It's called Hauberk.

15. Remember the triangle. Pick two, can't have all three.

16. 90% sure Remnant doesn't have Latin.

17. "...with the ability to switch shotgun with sword mid swing." Yeah no, physics would like to discuss with you how that would be very inefficient.

18. Semblance. Oh boy. Listen, your semblance is the physical manifestation of your Aura. Being able to process things quickly and reading moods is not that. Firstly, I can process information at a pretty impressive rate. Math comes really fucking easy to me. Hell, I don't even really pay attention and I can still process the math at an alarming rate. It's pretty normal. And mood reading? If you can't read someone's mood you are on the Autism spectrum, let's be honest. Reading emotions is as human as is murder.

So I hope you read this and take it into account that I see some issues. Most of them are just gripes, but a fair amount are actual issues. Don't hate me, I'm just doing my job. If you do have issues fixing it, I can help. I'm fairly good at character creation.

[Former Citizens of the Nimbus System]

Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel

'y' aside (the name is spelled 'Mistral', I believe), confirmation of the demonym would be really useful to me as someone roleplaying a character who heavily believes in the values of Mistral's people's culture and observes their traditions astutely (his particular sociocultural group's, anyway). What episode(s) is it in?

9. "...slim, but muscular." No. If you are slim, you aren't muscular. I think 'fit' is the word you are looking for.

'Lithe', perhaps?

16. 90% sure Remnant doesn't have Latin.

Please?

[Icrum]

Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel

'y' aside (the name is spelled 'Mistral', I believe), confirmation of the demonym would be really useful to me as someone roleplaying a character who heavily believes in the values of Mistral's people's culture and observes their traditions astutely (his particular sociocultural group's, anyway). What episode(s) is it in?

9. "...slim, but muscular." No. If you are slim, you aren't muscular. I think 'fit' is the word you are looking for.

'Lithe', perhaps?

16. 90% sure Remnant doesn't have Latin.

Please?

Right, no 'y'. It is Mistralian in my option.

Lithe could work, though fit sounds more accurate

Is something in there Latin? Not sure I see it...

[Apror]

Apror, you seem like a really swell dude, honestly, however as CoOP I must explain why I cannot accept your app as of yet.

1. The age. It's something that always bugs me. Minimum age is 17 years old. Not 16.

2. I know it sounds cool, but it is highly impossible for a platoon to take down a battalion. Your talking at most 30 guys vs at most 800 guys. I know you said "Tricks, Treachery, and Brains", but that sounds more like a hand-wave reason. Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel.

3. Unless he's a samurai, he wouldn't be taught from the age of six. Knights, at youngest, started at 12 as a page.

4. If he's fast and powerful, you can guarantee that he's pretty fragile. It's a triangle. Strength, speed, defense. You can only pick two.

5. His sister's sounded too much like the Fall Maiden, I almost brought that up.

6. Hard-to-make-mad-but-its-really-scary cliche

7. "...with readings of death vibrating off him." Sigh......... This just sounds really off. It just doesn't fit.

8. "...Black skin, with light blue eyes." What kind of black, and why blue eyes?

9. "...slim, but muscular." No. If you are slim, you aren't muscular. I think Fit is the word you are looking for.

10. "...John’s..." Who?

11. His weapon isn't a "Crusader". We call it Sword and Shield. Arming sword to be specific.

12. Indestructible-sword-of-ancient-smithing cliche.

13. Red dust isn't powerful enough to "utterly disintegrate" a foe. It's a lot like dragon breath.

14. "Looks like a Crusader knight..." It's called Hauberk.

15. Remember the triangle. Pick two, can't have all three.

16. 90% sure Remnant doesn't have Latin.

17. "...with the ability to switch shotgun with sword mid swing." Yeah no, physics would like to discuss with you how that would be very inefficient.

18. Semblance. Oh boy. Listen, your semblance is the physical manifestation of your Aura. Being able to process things quickly and reading moods is not that. Firstly, I can process information at a pretty impressive rate. Math comes really fucking easy to me. Hell, I don't even really pay attention and I can still process the math at an alarming rate. It's pretty normal. And mood reading? If you can't read someone's mood you are on the Autism spectrum, let's be honest. Reading emotions is as human as is murder.

So I hope you read this and take it into account that I see some issues. Most of them are just gripes, but a fair amount are actual issues. Don't hate me, I'm just doing my job. If you do have issues fixing it, I can help. I'm fairly good at character creation.

Emerald has green eyes, don't tell me that's not possible. B.I'll change the age. C. Ancient Language! D. I'll do ma cliches damnit! E. John, the whiny blond from the original show. F. I'm going to say Athletic. G. Damnit, you ruined the surprise on the maiden. H. It's a family Tradition. I. He was a war hero for very damn good reason. Like, a powerful bitch his Grandfather. Literally one of the most famous of the war besides The Who Vale King massacre.

[Stormwrath]

-snip-

Here are my issues with your app so far, and some of them have been stated already by your colleagues:

Firstly, we're not gonna accept characters below the age of 16 in this RP. 17 is the minimum age. Primary reason is because from observation in other school-based RPs involving teenagers, players often write them ending up in the most animu situations ever like a shonen character groping a girl's boob(s), accidentally looking upskirt, fights breaking out almost every single chance they get, or poorly done romantic relationships. Besides that, students that are Coal's age would probably still be in combat schools as evidenced by Ruby's prior time as a sophomore at Signal, a combat school, before Ozpin accelerated her to Beacon freshman.

Second, I find the "behind the smile is a dark past" thing in his bio and personality overused in this RP. Surely you can come up with something that can make Coal stand out from the rest of the crowd and not just be another edgy teenage out to murder the fuck out of Grimm for murdering his/her significant loved ones. Same with how he fights. You don't have to make him as edgy as possible so that other characters aren't going to challenge the guy in a fight.

Your character's appearance needs some work on the wording as well.

Third, as Icrum said, your sword is cliched, being an "indestructible sword of ancient smithing". Nerf its capabilities a bit. I would also like to add that if ancient weapons are modified in any way to accommodate some kind of second form, its properties would most likely be diminished to a certain degree.

Lastly, your Semblance isn't a Semblance at all. With the right training and enough practice, anyone can analyze things faster than anyone else. Take a book report, for example. Before you have to make it, you have to read it, analyze it, throw out all the extra stuff, and put that into writing. Semblance is just your Aura manifesting itself physically as a kind of special ability.

I'll have to put your app on pending until you can rectify what has been brought up. If you need any questions just TG me or any of the Co-OPs, or visit our Discord.

@Everyone: I'll try to get a post up tonight if I'm feeling better. Why am I awfully sick this year? ;_;

[Ormata]

Emerald has green eyes, don't tell me that's not possible. B.I'll change the age. C. Ancient Language! D. I'll do ma cliches damnit! E. John, the whiny blond from the original show. F. I'm going to say Athletic. G. Damnit, you ruined the surprise on the maiden. H. It's a family Tradition. I. He was a war hero for very damn good reason. Like, a powerful bitch his Grandfather. Literally one of the most famous of the war besides The Who Vale King massacre.

Lemme go through this.

A: He didn't ask on green eyes, he asked on why blue.

B: Bien

C: "Ancient Language" doesn't work when the language doesn't exist (Or may not exist) in the first place

D: Congratulations he'll be seen as an odd duck (VERY odd duck)

E: Jaune, you mean. "From the Original Show"? You mean the only show...right?

F: Athletic, then.

G: If you're going to bring-in such major, major connections, you should contact the OPs first to get permission to do so.

H: What's a family tradition? Icrum used numbers and you're using letters, so I don't know what you're answering here.

I: This is Simo Häyhä, the most deadly sniper in any major war. He killed 505 men during the 1939–40 Winter War, over the period of a year. You do not have a rifle. You do not have a year. You are suggesting his grandfather killed that number of men in a far lesser amount of time without the benefits of such things as, say, a machine gun (Which Simo did use on one occasion) or a rifle. I seriously doubt this.

[Former Citizens of the Nimbus System]

'y' aside (the name is spelled 'Mistral', I believe), confirmation of the demonym would be really useful to me as someone roleplaying a character who heavily believes in the values of Mistral's people's culture and observes their traditions astutely (his particular sociocultural group's, anyway). What episode(s) is it in?


'Lithe', perhaps?


Please?

Right, no 'y'. It is Mistralian in my option.

Lithe could work, though fit sounds more accurate

Is something in there Latin? Not sure I see it...

Character names for the most part so far, though I'm sure that you noticed 'Ultor' ('Avenger') as the name of Lucius Aurelius' flail-thrower-blade and 'caeli mercator' ('merchant of the sky') as the elder Lucius Aurelius' job description; I also plan to have Lucius Aurelius break into short pieces of Latin (not too much, though, since my ability with the language doesn't stretch all that far) when he's feeling particularly emotional or introspective. As for Latin existing in the RWBYverse, we have a prime example in Jaune's shield and sword, named, in Latin, Crocea Mors ('Yellow Death') - one could make the argument, in fact, for Ancient Greek, Chinese, German and Old Norse all being present too on this basis.

[Former Citizens of the Nimbus System]

Second, I find the "behind the smile is a dark past" thing in his bio and personality overused in this RP. Surely you can come up with something that can make Coal stand out from the rest of the crowd and not just be another edgy teenage out to murder the fuck out of Grimm for murdering his/her significant loved ones.

For a moment I thought that I'd fallen into this trap. Then I remembered that the elder Lucius Aurelius was killed by humans, not Grimm, and that Lucius Aurelius' motivation for becoming a hunter revolves around that rather than a hatred of the monsters: he wants to wreak revenge first on the assassins and then to cleanse Mistralian society of the underbelly which had created them, with the combat training that he is receiving being purely a means to that end.

It was at this point that I realised that I was roleplaying an evil character who believes that genocide works.

@Everyone: I'll try to get a post up tonight if I'm feeling better. Why am I awfully sick this year? ;_;

Fight on, Stormwrath's immune system! Fight on!

[North Arkana]

Second, I find the "behind the smile is a dark past" thing in his bio and personality overused in this RP. Surely you can come up with something that can make Coal stand out from the rest of the crowd and not just be another edgy teenage out to murder the fuck out of Grimm for murdering his/her significant loved ones.

For a moment I thought that I'd fallen into this trap. Then I remembered that the elder Lucius Aurelius was killed by humans, not Grimm, and that Lucius Aurelius' motivation for becoming a hunter revolves around that rather than a hatred of the monsters: he wants to wreak revenge first on the assassins and then to cleanse Mistralian society of the underbelly which had created them, with the combat training that he is receiving being purely a means to that end.

It was at this point that I realised that I was roleplaying an evil character who believes that genocide works.

@Everyone: I'll try to get a post up tonight if I'm feeling better. Why am I awfully sick this year? ;_;

Fight on, Stormwrath's immune system! Fight on!

He'll fit in great with Reina's world view that everything needs to be destroyed and reset. As she puts it, "a diseased forest needs to be burnt down before a healthy one can take its place".

[Sonitusia]

2. I know it sounds cool, but it is highly impossible for a platoon to take down a battalion. Your talking at most 30 guys vs at most 800 guys. I know you said "Tricks, Treachery, and Brains", but that sounds more like a hand-wave reason. Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel.

The only one I have to disagree with, the Battle of Pont Saint-Louis between 9 Frenchmen and more than 5,000 Italians ended in an armistice, and all 9 survived. They took down around 200 and wounded more than 600, with the total ratio being around 3:1700, meanwhile this is only 3:80. If we only take the amount they killed, that would be around 3:70.

[Stormwrath]

2. I know it sounds cool, but it is highly impossible for a platoon to take down a battalion. Your talking at most 30 guys vs at most 800 guys. I know you said "Tricks, Treachery, and Brains", but that sounds more like a hand-wave reason. Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel.

The only one I have to disagree with, the Battle of Pont Saint-Louis between 9 Frenchmen and more than 5,000 Italians ended in an armistice, and all 9 survived. They took down around 200 and wounded more than 600, with the total ratio being around 3:1700, meanwhile this is only 3:80. If we only take the amount they killed, that would be around 3:70.

Yes, but they had guns.

[Sonitusia]

The only one I have to disagree with, the Battle of Pont Saint-Louis between 9 Frenchmen and more than 5,000 Italians ended in an armistice, and all 9 survived. They took down around 200 and wounded more than 600, with the total ratio being around 3:1700, meanwhile this is only 3:80. If we only take the amount they killed, that would be around 3:70.

Yes, but they had guns.

But it was equal, no? Both sides had guns.

[Icrum]

Yes, but they had guns.

But it was equal, no? Both sides had guns.

Both sides didn't have Aura on Earth.

[Sonitusia]

But it was equal, no? Both sides had guns.

Both sides didn't have Aura on Earth.

Well they actually wore combat equipment on Earth.

[Icrum]

Both sides didn't have Aura on Earth.

Well they actually wore combat equipment on Earth.

Point still stands, Aura on both sides makes combat a little harder.

[The Olog-Hai]

Emerald has green eyes, don't tell me that's not possible. B.I'll change the age. C. Ancient Language! D. I'll do ma cliches damnit! E. John, the whiny blond from the original show. F. I'm going to say Athletic. G. Damnit, you ruined the surprise on the maiden. H. It's a family Tradition. I. He was a war hero for very damn good reason. Like, a powerful bitch his Grandfather. Literally one of the most famous of the war besides The Who Vale King massacre.

Lemme go through this.

A: He didn't ask on green eyes, he asked on why blue.

B: Bien

C: "Ancient Language" doesn't work when the language doesn't exist (Or may not exist) in the first place

D: Congratulations he'll be seen as an odd duck (VERY odd duck)

E: Jaune, you mean. "From the Original Show"? You mean the only show...right?

F: Athletic, then.

G: If you're going to bring-in such major, major connections, you should contact the OPs first to get permission to do so.

H: What's a family tradition? Icrum used numbers and you're using letters, so I don't know what you're answering here.

I: This is Simo Häyhä, the most deadly sniper in any major war. He killed 505 men during the 1939–40 Winter War, over the period of a year. You do not have a rifle. You do not have a year. You are suggesting his grandfather killed that number of men in a far lesser amount of time without the benefits of such things as, say, a machine gun (Which Simo did use on one occasion) or a rifle. I seriously doubt this.

If you read a bit further, all of that sniper's kills were within a time period of 100 days. I believe he stopped only when he got part of his face blown off, but he recovered and died at 96. That dude was a real badass.

[North Arkana]

2. I know it sounds cool, but it is highly impossible for a platoon to take down a battalion. Your talking at most 30 guys vs at most 800 guys. I know you said "Tricks, Treachery, and Brains", but that sounds more like a hand-wave reason. Also it's Mystralian (IIRC), not Minstrel.

The only one I have to disagree with, the Battle of Pont Saint-Louis between 9 Frenchmen and more than 5,000 Italians ended in an armistice, and all 9 survived. They took down around 200 and wounded more than 600, with the total ratio being around 3:1700, meanwhile this is only 3:80. If we only take the amount they killed, that would be around 3:70.

That was while defending a fortified position.