Flarbinia wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZnbELilvIs
Finally managed to get to a computer, now to state my full two cents on whats wrong with your last post.
Rules Violated/Disregard to Prior Posts
* You can't just randomly make a group of people out of thin air for your player character after having them approved. They need to be approved by the OP ahead of time, not just thrown in there for your own advantage.
* In your post you grabbed control of who I think is supposed to be Father Mackenzie and from what I've gathered from other OOC posts, in a prior revision of your post you had taken control of some of True Refuges characters. Both of these are a big no no as it violates the rules. Refuge has plans for his characters in Salida and I am currently collaborating with Grestin over a joint post that involves Mackenzie on the morning of the attack that should be coming out in the near future and we don't need people hijacking characters and creating a mess for us to clean up or drastically changing their personalities for little or no reason.
Its a different matter however if you wish to have character interaction between Dead-Eye and some other characters. That is to say you can have him interact with other player characters, but you can't control other player characters during these interactions. NPCs for the most part are free game as long as it doesn't violate the established cannon. Speaking of which...
* In your post you fabricated Salida's strategy as to rely on horsemen and archers while the vultures readied siege towers. This of course flies in the established cannon for both the Vultures and The Order,(the group in control of Salida at the moment since I'm not entirely sure you know what's been occurring up to this point in the story). Salida is heavily armed by post-apocalyptic standards with several areas that have been booby trapped with land mines and her troops are armed almost entirely with firearms. Salida's prior history as a central trading hub for much of Colorado granting the city assess to a plethora of supplies to defend itself with and to sustain itself over the winter, that's the main reason why the vultures want to capture it. Speaking of the Vultures, they are nowhere near as organized as Dead-eye claims they are, for Pete's sake their a bunch of murmuring bandits not King Arthur's knights of the round table.
* Don't put your words in characters mouths that aren't yours. I know this is more or less the same as the first point, but it annoys the living hell out of me when it happens so I feel I can't stress this point enough.
Constructive Criticisms
* Paragraph breaks are your friend. It makes your writing far more easy to understand by making it clear where one topic ends and another begins. Your post in its current state is just a big ball of words that's hard on the eyes.
* Don't be snarky to OP. Bad things happen when you're snarky to OP.
Final Verdict.
While everyone else seems to be of the mind that the post is just in need of a few snips of the editor's scissors, in its current state I feel that it not even salvageable. That is to say I feel that it would just be simpler to start a new post from scratch as apposed to stepping on everyone's toes at once like your old post has.
Now please don't interpret my admittedly rambling criteria of your work stop you from writing, or joining in this RP. I hold nothing against you as an author or Dead-Eye as an early character, I'm just going trying to keep the quality of this RP as high as its always been when compared to some of the other RP's that are on this site.
That is why I'm not going to accept your last post as cannon until it is either fixed for the above mentioned mistakes, or replaced with an entirely new post. Now I will gladly write a post that introduces Dead-Eye into Salida if you wish so that I can assure that no proverbial toes are indeed stepped on when he enters the city, though if you do wish for that to happen I will need to to get a heads up from you that is what you want me to do. We don't want multiple conflicting posts floating around you know?Anyways, good luck writing. I look forward to seeing what stories you and the others are creating.
As Always, Stay Peaceful. Stay Loving. Stay Warlords.
-PLW
