Giovenith wrote:As Giovenith remained silent and listened to her friends talk about the going-on's about their world, she mentally pulled herself inward tighter and tighter to fasten against the ever-growing thoughts rattling around in her head and heart. They were not nice thoughts. At first they were merely angry, but then they grew nasty, and now they were outright dark. They were blackened by the descriptions bouncing around the table and the distressed, heartbroken looks that came with them. Tighter she pulled herself, for she did not want to show that she had reached an understanding that she had gratefully lacked for most of her life, but was now upon her with a grim acceptance. For the first time in her life, Giovenith understood why deities became so furious over dishonor.
Every single fear, struggle, pain, heartache, panic, and death scare from the numerous invasions they faced was flashing before her mental eye one way, while the processes of the mundanes' disdain from them raced the other. She remembered blood on her hands from scars she had tended with the sniffy faces of the ignorant superimposed on them. She remembered her trip with Naomi to Elohim and the souls they'd put back to proper homes, souls now using their new lives to wander the streets looking for innocents to use as symbols for their petulant sense of self-righteousness.
I want to take it all back, chilly thoughts misted around her mind, almost reaching her lips but never quite making it. I want to pluck every blessing we've ever given them from their fingers one by one and see their eyes fill with that horrible realization, that you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore. I want to rip all the bandages, and crutches, and buttresses, and padding we slaved over away, watch them fall back into the dust, and only offer forgiveness when we are good and ready. I want them to see what they had, and how they are without it, without us--pathetic, spoiled simpletons who would be bone dust and ash by now if it weren't for people here doing every little damn thing for them.
The girl found herself in a paradox, where one part of her was scared by those thoughts and another couldn't bring itself to care. Both those parts, however, understood the one fateful truth of the matter: there was nothing Giovenith could do about it. For all she had gone through, she was little just a little girl. There wasn't anything they could change. Or could they?
What now? What about downstairs? she thought bitterly, narrowing her eyes at her lap. What's decided to smash into the peaceful little land of Bielefeld this time? More Drones? Alien invaders? Some mad god? Mutant robot chimpanzees from the eighth dimension? Oh, but we'll just fix that right up for them too, won't we? Once that's handled they can have more time to focus on the important things, like repaying us with half-witted crime accusations and attacks on our character if not our bodies.
The embittered teen felt like spitting at the idea of bandaging some fool while he spewed obscenities at her for reasons a toddler could poke holes in. They forgot what happened just over two years, what would any of it change? Why should they suffer because the people of Bielefeld had the memory capabilities of goddamn squirrels?
Because it's the right thing to do, some small part of her quipped from the shadows.
Nice things come at a price, she reminded it.
Outwardly, Giovenith politely coughed into her clenched fist.