NON-CANON
COMEDIC SHORT #2
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪Damien: *Strolling about the streets* ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ Doo dee do dee do doo doo ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬
Earth 2 Damien: Hi.
Damien: ........
Earth 2 Damien: I'm Damien.
Damien: ....you are?
Earth 2 Damien: Indeed I am, I am Damien Supremus.
Damien: Dude...its the 21st Century, nobody cares about Latin anymore.
Earth 2 Damien: .......I know what century it is! I just like Latin thats all...
Damien: Weird, so do I. And you look like me too.
Earth 2 Damien: I probably am you. From another dimension.
Damien: ...yeah...that happens a lot...so what's your story?
Earth 2 Damien: Nothing much, I take over the world, become its immortal anti-Christ dark ruler, then slain by the forces of good, you know the cliched stuff.
Damien: Cool. I'm be stalked by a crazy Hora who wants to eat my soul and these 7 crazy people are put to kill me.
Earth 2 Damien: But aren't you-
Damien: Yeah I am immortal, but then one of the writers wanted to expand on the whole 'history' and 'purpose', blah blah blah....now we have 7 powerful immortals hunting other powerful immortal in a game of cat and mouse that has been going on since forever and will never end because now apparently even mortals can reincarnate after they die so...its pointless.
Earth 2 Damien: *Chewing on a Cheese and Onion Bun* Uh huh....
Damien: Do you have hunters in your world?
Earth 2 Damien: *Still eating, shrugs his shoulders* Beats me...I commanded a Hora and Hybrida Army so..I don't know.
*Swallows the last piece* Didn't Ryn say they only exist in the mainstream world? Its probably related to intellectual property or something.
Damien: Ryn?
Earth 2 Damien: Dude, have you seriously never broken the fourth wall?
Damien: Oh, and have you ever kissed a girl? NO! No one breaks the fourth wall-
Earth 2 Damien: How did you know I've never...done that?
Damien: I dunno, you'd probably be busy eating all the ice cream you want since you don't have to be eating healthy and since you ruled the world, you had all the ice cream it had to offer.
Earth 2 Damien: I even had an ice cream festival...in North Africa.
Damien: It didn't last long I assume...
Earth 2 Damien: No...no it did not last long...
Damien: ...yeah
Earth 2 Damien: So any way, you've never broken the fourth wall? I mean you do realize we're fictional RP characters.
Damien: I thought you'd cease to exist if you said that.
Earth 2 Damien: Hmm...well I said it and nothing happened.
Damien: ...weird.
Earth 2 Damien: What powers do you have? Apart from immortality?
Damien: I'm a master of deduction, an experienced and well trained assassin, an accomplish writer and actor, a professional chef, escape artist, naval explorer, viceroy to-
Earth 2 Damien: *Eating Indian Vindaloo with naan bread* Uh huh...uh huh...
Damien:........*looks at reader* Is this a gag or something?
Earth 2 Damien: *Finishes eating and runs off into bathroom*
*FLUSH!*
* Exits bathroom*
Just forget that happened will you?
Damien: .....okay...
Earth 2 Damien: I have an idea, how about we demonstrate our powers?
Damien: OK? What do you propose?
Earth 2 Damien: *Looks at Post Office*
Damien: I'm starting to like the way you think alternate evil world counterpart of mine.
*Both run near the Post Box outside and hide in the bushes*
*Mail man arrives*
Earth 2 Damien: *Whispers* You first.
Damien: *Jumps out of bushes and approaches mail man*
Give me the mail!
Mail man: Get out of my face kid.
Damien: If you do not comply by my demands good sir, the consequences of your refusal will be most severe.
Mail man: *Walks away* Whatever kid.
Damien: You're wife, Mr Ulam. She's in love with your brother. And your daughter is really your niece!
Mail man: *Looks baffled* Kid, what the hell-
Damien: She's running away with him as we speak. To Florida. Hey now, before you slap me and report me for invasion of privacy, let me ask you something: Why do you do this? To put bread and butter on the table for your wife and five year old child. You want proof that she's having an affair? Does she come home late from her own job frequently, the classic after hours shift? Or maybe you should better observe the state of her shoes, are they well polished for any formal event, even if its just another seemingly ordinary day for the blue collared? The child is not yours, admit it, you've never noticed the resemblance, you've always thought she was too beautiful to have inherited you pig face- *Mail bag thrown at him*
Mail man: *Runs away, crying*
Earth 2 Damien: Dude that was lame.
Damien: What would you have done?
Earth 2 Damien: This, *walks to a newspaper boy* Give me all these papers.
Newspaper boy: OK, here you go. *Passes entire stack of newspapers*
Damien: Dude.....what did you do?
Earth 2 Damien: Mind control, its pretty handy.
Damien: Nice. So tell me more about yourself?
Earth 2 Damien: Well I guess I meant well at the beginning when I took over, I had Salvia to back me wherever I needed, eventually I guess I became her her pawn. She took over the world for me, and I ruled it in the light and she worked behind the shadows. And then, cutting through a whole bunch of misadventures, demonic contracts, world apocalypse, blah blah blah, I became a evil and invincible douche and the world was my ice cream bowl. Then I fell after being slain by Jal, and seeked redemption for my actions because apparently Jariri thought I should express regret and sorrow for all my centuries of evil world domination in my final moments, which gave me salvation and saved me from the Nether.
Damien: ...I hate that guy.
Earth 2 Damien: The feeling is mutual, though it does add an artistic sense of tragedy and redemption for your actions at the last moment.
Damien: He totally ripped it from Macbeth.
Earth 2 Damien: Except Macbeth probably did go to hell.
Damien: I don't know...it was that dastardly Lady Macbeth who made him do it.
Earth 2 Damien: Now that you mention it, do you think Salvia could be considered a Lady Macbeth?
Damien: Please just don't even go there...
Earth 2 Damien: *Roll eyes* Whatever...
Damien: Hey, did you ever get your head-*BLOWN OFF*
Earth 2 Damien: .................
Damien: *Head slides back and reattaches and heals* That?
Earth 2 Damien: Hiro Tamaru
Damien: He's evil... *HEAD BLOW OFF AGAIN, BY A BULLET*
Earth 2 Damien: No, he's just crazy, Anisha is evil. *SHOT IN THE HEAD WITH A 17th CENTURY FIREARM*
Damien: This is so violating Ryn's intellectual property rights....
Earth 2 Damien: Tell me about it....
Earth 2 Damien: Hi.
Damien: ........
Earth 2 Damien: I'm Damien.
Damien: ....you are?
Earth 2 Damien: Indeed I am, I am Damien Supremus.
Damien: Dude...its the 21st Century, nobody cares about Latin anymore.
Earth 2 Damien: .......I know what century it is! I just like Latin thats all...
Damien: Weird, so do I. And you look like me too.
Earth 2 Damien: I probably am you. From another dimension.
Damien: ...yeah...that happens a lot...so what's your story?
Earth 2 Damien: Nothing much, I take over the world, become its immortal anti-Christ dark ruler, then slain by the forces of good, you know the cliched stuff.
Damien: Cool. I'm be stalked by a crazy Hora who wants to eat my soul and these 7 crazy people are put to kill me.
Earth 2 Damien: But aren't you-
Damien: Yeah I am immortal, but then one of the writers wanted to expand on the whole 'history' and 'purpose', blah blah blah....now we have 7 powerful immortals hunting other powerful immortal in a game of cat and mouse that has been going on since forever and will never end because now apparently even mortals can reincarnate after they die so...its pointless.
Earth 2 Damien: *Chewing on a Cheese and Onion Bun* Uh huh....
Damien: Do you have hunters in your world?
Earth 2 Damien: *Still eating, shrugs his shoulders* Beats me...I commanded a Hora and Hybrida Army so..I don't know.
*Swallows the last piece* Didn't Ryn say they only exist in the mainstream world? Its probably related to intellectual property or something.
Damien: Ryn?
Earth 2 Damien: Dude, have you seriously never broken the fourth wall?
Damien: Oh, and have you ever kissed a girl? NO! No one breaks the fourth wall-
Earth 2 Damien: How did you know I've never...done that?
Damien: I dunno, you'd probably be busy eating all the ice cream you want since you don't have to be eating healthy and since you ruled the world, you had all the ice cream it had to offer.
Earth 2 Damien: I even had an ice cream festival...in North Africa.
Damien: It didn't last long I assume...
Earth 2 Damien: No...no it did not last long...
Damien: ...yeah
Earth 2 Damien: So any way, you've never broken the fourth wall? I mean you do realize we're fictional RP characters.
Damien: I thought you'd cease to exist if you said that.
Earth 2 Damien: Hmm...well I said it and nothing happened.
Damien: ...weird.
Earth 2 Damien: What powers do you have? Apart from immortality?
Damien: I'm a master of deduction, an experienced and well trained assassin, an accomplish writer and actor, a professional chef, escape artist, naval explorer, viceroy to-
Earth 2 Damien: *Eating Indian Vindaloo with naan bread* Uh huh...uh huh...
Damien:........*looks at reader* Is this a gag or something?
Earth 2 Damien: *Finishes eating and runs off into bathroom*
*FLUSH!*
* Exits bathroom*
Just forget that happened will you?
Damien: .....okay...
Earth 2 Damien: I have an idea, how about we demonstrate our powers?
Damien: OK? What do you propose?
Earth 2 Damien: *Looks at Post Office*
Damien: I'm starting to like the way you think alternate evil world counterpart of mine.
*Both run near the Post Box outside and hide in the bushes*
*Mail man arrives*
Earth 2 Damien: *Whispers* You first.
Damien: *Jumps out of bushes and approaches mail man*
Give me the mail!
Mail man: Get out of my face kid.
Damien: If you do not comply by my demands good sir, the consequences of your refusal will be most severe.
Mail man: *Walks away* Whatever kid.
Damien: You're wife, Mr Ulam. She's in love with your brother. And your daughter is really your niece!
Mail man: *Looks baffled* Kid, what the hell-
Damien: She's running away with him as we speak. To Florida. Hey now, before you slap me and report me for invasion of privacy, let me ask you something: Why do you do this? To put bread and butter on the table for your wife and five year old child. You want proof that she's having an affair? Does she come home late from her own job frequently, the classic after hours shift? Or maybe you should better observe the state of her shoes, are they well polished for any formal event, even if its just another seemingly ordinary day for the blue collared? The child is not yours, admit it, you've never noticed the resemblance, you've always thought she was too beautiful to have inherited you pig face- *Mail bag thrown at him*
Mail man: *Runs away, crying*
Earth 2 Damien: Dude that was lame.
Damien: What would you have done?
Earth 2 Damien: This, *walks to a newspaper boy* Give me all these papers.
Newspaper boy: OK, here you go. *Passes entire stack of newspapers*
Damien: Dude.....what did you do?
Earth 2 Damien: Mind control, its pretty handy.
Damien: Nice. So tell me more about yourself?
Earth 2 Damien: Well I guess I meant well at the beginning when I took over, I had Salvia to back me wherever I needed, eventually I guess I became her her pawn. She took over the world for me, and I ruled it in the light and she worked behind the shadows. And then, cutting through a whole bunch of misadventures, demonic contracts, world apocalypse, blah blah blah, I became a evil and invincible douche and the world was my ice cream bowl. Then I fell after being slain by Jal, and seeked redemption for my actions because apparently Jariri thought I should express regret and sorrow for all my centuries of evil world domination in my final moments, which gave me salvation and saved me from the Nether.
Damien: ...I hate that guy.
Earth 2 Damien: The feeling is mutual, though it does add an artistic sense of tragedy and redemption for your actions at the last moment.
Damien: He totally ripped it from Macbeth.
Earth 2 Damien: Except Macbeth probably did go to hell.
Damien: I don't know...it was that dastardly Lady Macbeth who made him do it.
Earth 2 Damien: Now that you mention it, do you think Salvia could be considered a Lady Macbeth?
Damien: Please just don't even go there...
Earth 2 Damien: *Roll eyes* Whatever...
Damien: Hey, did you ever get your head-*BLOWN OFF*
Earth 2 Damien: .................
Damien: *Head slides back and reattaches and heals* That?
Earth 2 Damien: Hiro Tamaru
Damien: He's evil... *HEAD BLOW OFF AGAIN, BY A BULLET*
Earth 2 Damien: No, he's just crazy, Anisha is evil. *SHOT IN THE HEAD WITH A 17th CENTURY FIREARM*
Damien: This is so violating Ryn's intellectual property rights....
Earth 2 Damien: Tell me about it....
